info
Google Groups no longer supports new Usenet posts or subscriptions. Historical content remains viewable.
Dismiss
Gustavo mutters feverishly about Blaster Blues!
11 views
Skip to first unread message
Gustavo Wombat, of the Seattle Wombats
Jan 16, 2018, 2:11:11 AM1/16/18
to
I find it hard to believe that I have never seen this episode, but nothing in it has sparked my memory. It's a weird, unsettling feeling. I think I might have somehow had my memory wiped by the flashing lights at the beginning of the episode. Either that, or my general dislike for Blaster caused me to skip this episode throughout my adult life, and I am blotting out my childhood.
The episode begins with a band poorly pretending to play some previously recorded music -- the guitarist is pumping his fist in the air rather than fretting, etc. -- and a crowd in a very weird stadium cheering. There is a lot of flashing lights, which may have somehow caused a seizure that wiped my memory.
Let's take a moment to appreciate this stadium. The seats are arranged on narrow ledges, with each seat having about two feet of space between it and the next seat. Each seat is carefully tailored for the person sitting in it, with wider seats for wider people.
Spike and Carly are there, with Blaster between them, so they cannot get frisky.
Spike is wearing his yellow boots that match Carly's hair (or, conversely, Carly is wearing her yellow hair that matches Spike's boots... We all know that Carly is really Chip Chase). Blaster is is cassette player mode, is is about the size of two human torsos.
Spike laments that the other Autobots aren't there to enjoy the music, and Blaster announces that he will send them the beats. Spike then grabs Blaster's handle to steady himself while he rhythmically thrusts his pelvis, simulating the actions of a dog humping someone's leg.
Lost In Space, Cosmos begins grooving out to the hip, fresh beats. "Allright!" he proclaims, while failing to control his incline, speed or yaw.
On Earth, at the Autobot base, Optimus is at Teletraan One, telling Omega Supreme to prepare for target practice. Omega claims that he is always prepared, but before Optimus can activate the autoguns that are aimed at Omega Supreme, he is interrupted by Blaster broadcasting the concert, loudly, disrupting all communications.
The Autobots take a moment to proclaim that they are all middle aged men who dislike the "music" the kids are listening to these days, with the exception of Jazz who claims it is fine, but is going through convulsions.
Meanwhile, a scientist, Professor Haley, at an observatory is unveiling his device -- a voltronic something-or-other -- which will encode his words so aliens can understand it. One of the reporters has a handwritten copy of the scientists speech.
The scientist also mentions that there must be aliens out there somewhere, apparently unaware of all the aliens we have seen up to this point.
Professor Haley tempts fate by inviting aliens, and the Decepticons immediately attack to steal the voltronic galaxer. Professor Haley calls to the Autobots... who are obviously not the aliens he was thinking about. (There was a terrible Batman comic years ago, where he discovered there were aliens, and it was a big revelation... despite him having known Superman and the Martian Manhunter, and the Green Lanterns... This is a lot like that. Perhaps Professor Haley meant undocumented Mexican day laborers).
At the Autobot base, no one can hear the calls for help because of Blaster. Jazz continues to convulse. Eventually, they hear Professor Haley, who is at Haley Observatory. The Autobots transform, and roll out.
The Decepticons then gather up the machine, toss the professor onto a hard cement floor, and then meet up with Astrotrain who is racing along in train mode on a bridge about to go into a mountain tunnel. Megatron loads the device, Astrotrain continues into the tunnel, exits the tunnel on the other side of the mountain, transforms into shuttle mode, and is then boarded by the Decepticons.
It's a lovely little sequence until you realize that there was no reason for it at all. They could have just brought Astrotrain with them to the observatory. I suppose Earth hijinks are beneath him or something. Astrotrain takes them into space.
The Autobots arrive at the observatory, ask what possible value this man's life's work might have to the Decepticons, get a very sad "I don't know, they could do something with radio transmissions, I suppose" and then promise to return the device. (spoiler: they do not). A number of Autobots appear to have gotten lost along the way. The Autobots also drive on and off roads at random.
Optimus has everyone out looking. He asks so-and-so and Huffer (not going back to check who) and they've got nothing. He asks Powerglide and Spike, and they don't know anything either (Carly is also there, and speaks, but Optimus ignores her).
Cosmos is hauling Blaster away from Earth, probably as some form of punishment. Blaster says he can't even get a bottom 40 station (that would be an indie rock station in the 1980s), and then Cosmos tells him to stop complaining. Face banishment stoically, or something.
But then they spot Megatron's Moon Base.
Meanwhile, on Megatron's Moon Base, Megatron is standing ominously.
On board Cosmos, Blaster has been peering through the periscope, and then decides to get it all down on tape, so he transforms into tape deck mode, and listens through the periscope. Cosmos switches off his engines and coasts, but this does not prevent the Decepticons from immediately spotting them.
Megatron refers to Cosmos as "foreign debris," which is a little rude. I don't really know what Cosmos's accent is supposed to be either though.
Cosmos is no match for Astrotrain, who was forced to wait outside the moon base. Astrotrain reveals a shocking new power -- a tractor beam! I don't think this will ever be used again.
At the moon base, Astrotrain is allowed inside with the prisoners, who are welded to the wall and used as components. "Starscream, Thundercracker! Return to Earth!" Megatron orders, causing them to walk forward and do some synchronized button pushing, and activating the device!
We then learn that humans are incapable of functioning at all without radio waves. Clarence can't get clearance at the airport, trains run into logs, weather forecasting computers cannot forecast, and the weatherman's alert cannot be transmitted, so humans just drive aimlessly into snowbanks and off cliffs and need to be rescued. My god, this entire species just deserves the die!
Instead of letting the humans die, however, we have Autobots doing various rescues.
Of note is Inferno and Red Alert. Red Alert seems to be malfunctioning again, as he is positive there is always a fire somewhere and then begins shooting trees to make them explode. Inferno begs him to stop, because the fire is almost out, but Red Alert says that this isn't what his sensors say.
And the snow scenes. These are very stupid people who deserve to freeze to death.
Decepticons attack for no good reason. Just to shoot at things.
Megatron commandeers the air waves and broadcasts his ultimatum. Optimus gets shot at the airport, Powerglide gets shot, there's an emergency jetpack, Megatron wants all of the energy on Earth, and Blaster plays music over Megatron's long speech. Carly puts a card into Powerglide and somehow she figures out it was from the moon.
That last part makes no sense. It was just there to somehow make Blaster playing music be somehow heroic.
Powerglide rescues Optimus with a tow cable.
Blaster's music somehow also lets the Autobots shake the snow off.
Powerglide, Spike and Carly load Optimus's body onto Omega Supreme and it's off to the moon.
Meanwhile, Megatron is STILL TALKING. "And if my demands are not met, earthlings..." and Omega Supreme shows up.
There's a battle on the moon, it is very exciting. There's a train pun that shows that Astrotrain has no understanding of humor. Megatron reactivates Optimus by kicking him. Dramatic fight. And then Cosmos saves the day by shooting the machine with the guns on his arms -- which he could have done at any moment up till now.
Decepticons escape, There's a moral. Blaster plays music, and there's something that is supposed to be funny but isn't. Or I am too feverish to understand.
The End.
The episode really seems to fall apart about halfway through, and then just go through the motions as if it had an ending, culminating in Prime shouting "Blaster!" with annoyance as if he had done something.
It has the structure of an ending, and all the storytelling cues of an ending, but parts are missing.
Overall, after a strong start with the insane stadium architecture, it's all downhill.
The episode begins with a band poorly pretending to play some previously recorded music -- the guitarist is pumping his fist in the air rather than fretting, etc. -- and a crowd in a very weird stadium cheering. There is a lot of flashing lights, which may have somehow caused a seizure that wiped my memory.
Let's take a moment to appreciate this stadium. The seats are arranged on narrow ledges, with each seat having about two feet of space between it and the next seat. Each seat is carefully tailored for the person sitting in it, with wider seats for wider people.
Spike and Carly are there, with Blaster between them, so they cannot get frisky.
Spike is wearing his yellow boots that match Carly's hair (or, conversely, Carly is wearing her yellow hair that matches Spike's boots... We all know that Carly is really Chip Chase). Blaster is is cassette player mode, is is about the size of two human torsos.
Spike laments that the other Autobots aren't there to enjoy the music, and Blaster announces that he will send them the beats. Spike then grabs Blaster's handle to steady himself while he rhythmically thrusts his pelvis, simulating the actions of a dog humping someone's leg.
Lost In Space, Cosmos begins grooving out to the hip, fresh beats. "Allright!" he proclaims, while failing to control his incline, speed or yaw.
On Earth, at the Autobot base, Optimus is at Teletraan One, telling Omega Supreme to prepare for target practice. Omega claims that he is always prepared, but before Optimus can activate the autoguns that are aimed at Omega Supreme, he is interrupted by Blaster broadcasting the concert, loudly, disrupting all communications.
The Autobots take a moment to proclaim that they are all middle aged men who dislike the "music" the kids are listening to these days, with the exception of Jazz who claims it is fine, but is going through convulsions.
Meanwhile, a scientist, Professor Haley, at an observatory is unveiling his device -- a voltronic something-or-other -- which will encode his words so aliens can understand it. One of the reporters has a handwritten copy of the scientists speech.
The scientist also mentions that there must be aliens out there somewhere, apparently unaware of all the aliens we have seen up to this point.
Professor Haley tempts fate by inviting aliens, and the Decepticons immediately attack to steal the voltronic galaxer. Professor Haley calls to the Autobots... who are obviously not the aliens he was thinking about. (There was a terrible Batman comic years ago, where he discovered there were aliens, and it was a big revelation... despite him having known Superman and the Martian Manhunter, and the Green Lanterns... This is a lot like that. Perhaps Professor Haley meant undocumented Mexican day laborers).
At the Autobot base, no one can hear the calls for help because of Blaster. Jazz continues to convulse. Eventually, they hear Professor Haley, who is at Haley Observatory. The Autobots transform, and roll out.
The Decepticons then gather up the machine, toss the professor onto a hard cement floor, and then meet up with Astrotrain who is racing along in train mode on a bridge about to go into a mountain tunnel. Megatron loads the device, Astrotrain continues into the tunnel, exits the tunnel on the other side of the mountain, transforms into shuttle mode, and is then boarded by the Decepticons.
It's a lovely little sequence until you realize that there was no reason for it at all. They could have just brought Astrotrain with them to the observatory. I suppose Earth hijinks are beneath him or something. Astrotrain takes them into space.
The Autobots arrive at the observatory, ask what possible value this man's life's work might have to the Decepticons, get a very sad "I don't know, they could do something with radio transmissions, I suppose" and then promise to return the device. (spoiler: they do not). A number of Autobots appear to have gotten lost along the way. The Autobots also drive on and off roads at random.
Optimus has everyone out looking. He asks so-and-so and Huffer (not going back to check who) and they've got nothing. He asks Powerglide and Spike, and they don't know anything either (Carly is also there, and speaks, but Optimus ignores her).
Cosmos is hauling Blaster away from Earth, probably as some form of punishment. Blaster says he can't even get a bottom 40 station (that would be an indie rock station in the 1980s), and then Cosmos tells him to stop complaining. Face banishment stoically, or something.
But then they spot Megatron's Moon Base.
Meanwhile, on Megatron's Moon Base, Megatron is standing ominously.
On board Cosmos, Blaster has been peering through the periscope, and then decides to get it all down on tape, so he transforms into tape deck mode, and listens through the periscope. Cosmos switches off his engines and coasts, but this does not prevent the Decepticons from immediately spotting them.
Megatron refers to Cosmos as "foreign debris," which is a little rude. I don't really know what Cosmos's accent is supposed to be either though.
Cosmos is no match for Astrotrain, who was forced to wait outside the moon base. Astrotrain reveals a shocking new power -- a tractor beam! I don't think this will ever be used again.
At the moon base, Astrotrain is allowed inside with the prisoners, who are welded to the wall and used as components. "Starscream, Thundercracker! Return to Earth!" Megatron orders, causing them to walk forward and do some synchronized button pushing, and activating the device!
We then learn that humans are incapable of functioning at all without radio waves. Clarence can't get clearance at the airport, trains run into logs, weather forecasting computers cannot forecast, and the weatherman's alert cannot be transmitted, so humans just drive aimlessly into snowbanks and off cliffs and need to be rescued. My god, this entire species just deserves the die!
Instead of letting the humans die, however, we have Autobots doing various rescues.
Of note is Inferno and Red Alert. Red Alert seems to be malfunctioning again, as he is positive there is always a fire somewhere and then begins shooting trees to make them explode. Inferno begs him to stop, because the fire is almost out, but Red Alert says that this isn't what his sensors say.
And the snow scenes. These are very stupid people who deserve to freeze to death.
Decepticons attack for no good reason. Just to shoot at things.
Megatron commandeers the air waves and broadcasts his ultimatum. Optimus gets shot at the airport, Powerglide gets shot, there's an emergency jetpack, Megatron wants all of the energy on Earth, and Blaster plays music over Megatron's long speech. Carly puts a card into Powerglide and somehow she figures out it was from the moon.
That last part makes no sense. It was just there to somehow make Blaster playing music be somehow heroic.
Powerglide rescues Optimus with a tow cable.
Blaster's music somehow also lets the Autobots shake the snow off.
Powerglide, Spike and Carly load Optimus's body onto Omega Supreme and it's off to the moon.
Meanwhile, Megatron is STILL TALKING. "And if my demands are not met, earthlings..." and Omega Supreme shows up.
There's a battle on the moon, it is very exciting. There's a train pun that shows that Astrotrain has no understanding of humor. Megatron reactivates Optimus by kicking him. Dramatic fight. And then Cosmos saves the day by shooting the machine with the guns on his arms -- which he could have done at any moment up till now.
Decepticons escape, There's a moral. Blaster plays music, and there's something that is supposed to be funny but isn't. Or I am too feverish to understand.
The End.
The episode really seems to fall apart about halfway through, and then just go through the motions as if it had an ending, culminating in Prime shouting "Blaster!" with annoyance as if he had done something.
It has the structure of an ending, and all the storytelling cues of an ending, but parts are missing.
Overall, after a strong start with the insane stadium architecture, it's all downhill.
Zobovor
Jan 16, 2018, 9:22:33 PM1/16/18
to
On Tuesday, January 16, 2018 at 12:11:11 AM UTC-7, Gustavo Wombat, of the Seattle Wombats wrote:
> I find it hard to believe that I have never seen this episode, but nothing in
> it has sparked my memory.
It's not really one of the must-see episodes. No new robots get created, no important information is revealed, and it's not even a particularly pivotal moment in the war. It just sort of happens. It's definitely not "Forever is a Long Time Coming."
> I find it hard to believe that I have never seen this episode, but nothing in
> it has sparked my memory.
> Spike and Carly are there, with Blaster between them, so they cannot get
> frisky.
> Optimus is telling Omega Supreme to prepare for target practice, but before
> Optimus can activate the autoguns that are aimed at Omega Supreme
That's a totally different interpretation of the scene than I came away with. I thought it was Omega Supreme who was doing the targeting and practicing, not that he was going to be a target. Yikes.
> The scientist also mentions that there must be aliens out there somewhere,
> apparently unaware of all the aliens we have seen up to this point.
> It's a lovely little sequence until you realize that there was no reason for
> it at all. They could have just brought Astrotrain with them to the
> observatory.
> On board Cosmos, Blaster has been peering through the periscope, and then
> decides to get it all down on tape, so he transforms into tape deck mode, and
> listens through the periscope.
COSMOS: Switching off engines and coasting...
BLASTER: Checking recording levels...
COSMOS: Entering lunar gravity...
BLASTER: Switching to Side B...
COSMOS: Space sure is cold...
BLASTER: Damn, I just ate one of my own tapes. Need to wind the spools back up now. Anybody got a pencil?
> We then learn that humans are incapable of functioning at all without radio
Makes you wonder how we ever survived the 1800's.
> That last part makes no sense. It was just there to somehow make Blaster
> playing music be somehow heroic.
> The episode really seems to fall apart about halfway through, and then just
> go through the motions as if it had an ending, culminating in Prime
> shouting "Blaster!" with annoyance as if he had done something.
The episode also conveniently dances around the issue of how Blaster is able to play music of any kind in space.
Zob (in space, nobody can hear Primal Scream)
0 new messages