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Cartoon Viewing Club: Zob's Thoughts on "The Ultimate Weapon"
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Zobovor
Jun 15, 2019, 8:04:58 PM6/15/19
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"The Ultimate Weapon" is episode #85 of the original Transformers series (not to be confused with "The Quintesson Journal," whose story revolves around a completely unrelated "ultimate weapon" the Quintessons are selling to warring alien races). The episode first aired on November 10, 1986. It was written by Arthur Byron Cover, a science fiction novelist who also wrote for the Dinosaucers cartoon as well as The Real Ghostbusters.
Our episode may or may not open in France. I base this supposition solely on the stereotypical berets and striped shirts worn by some of the warring humans. They're running around and shooting each other. It's interesting to me that, despite the futuristic setting of season three (or perhaps because of it), we got to see Earth society very rarely. "Only Human" is just about the only episode besides this one that gives us a taste of what human culture is like in the far-flung future date of 2006.
So, the Protectobots watch all this fighting on Teletraan II's monitor, and First Aid expresses confusion that humans are at war with other humans. This is kind of a funny meta-commentary considering the Autobot-Decepticon war. (First Aid's commentary could easily mirror that of confused parents who are befuddled by kids' interest in this show. "Why are the robots always fighting each other? It doesn't make sense!") Hot Spot establishes that the Protectobots have been asked to help the police in their efforts to keep the peace (the American police, I'm assuming). Rodimus points an accusing finger at the group and tells them to stop watching television and get to work.
I feel like the transformation models for the Scramble City characters are an odd mix of incredibly detailed and immensely plain. Some of them really seem like they were just phoned in. I suspect Floro Dery, or one of his assistants, designed the transformations without looking at how the toys functioned at all. The way Hot Spot transforms in the show, at least the first time, is incorrect when compared to the Hasbro toy; the front of the fire engine forms Hot Spot's arms on the toy, but in the show, his arms form the rear of the fire truck instead. (Later in the episode, his transformation model changes. I wonder if this is the result of the animators actually studying how the toys were designed. See below.)
So the human skirmish continues, with laser blasts flying from every direction (this is the future, after all) when the Protectobots arrive on the scene. Both Hot Spot and Groove have inexplicably developed a Southern accent when Hot Spot says, "You guys know what to do!" and Groove responds with, "My pleasure!"
First Aid and Hot Spot reacted to Rodimus Prime like he was biting their heads off, and even Ultra Magnus remarks that he was rough on them, but it sure didn't come through in his delivery. Maybe if he'd yelled at them like Serpentor then their reactions would all be warranted, but he was just telling them to go to work. No big deal.
Rodimus is kind of having a mopey day, talking about how he's got too many responsibilities and just can't handle everything. Magnus tries to reassure him, but it feels like a huge misstep when he compares Rodimus to Optimus Prime. Nobody, up to and including Rodimus himself, feels like he can fill Optimus Prime's shoes, and Rodimus calls out Magnus on his incorrect assessment.
If there had been an overreaching game plan for Rodimus Prime's development as a character, then I suppose he might have gone from insecure and immature to gradually owning the role as Autobot leader and growing to become more sure of himself. What actually happens, though, is he just wildly vacilates between sometimes being terribly worried and nervous and sometimes just bulldozing through his job regardless of how badly he botches it. You could watch the episodes in nearly any order, but it doesn't make a lot of sense, for example, for the resolution at the end of this episode (spoiler alert!) to precede "The Burden Hardest to Bear," which is arguably the toughest time he has with the leadership role.
Back to our story, though. Blades is up ahead when he's suddenly gunned down, and the Protectobots naturally conclude it's the work of the Decepticons. (The blast also makes a Galvagun sound effect, in case there was any doubt.)
There are a couple of odd things about the group of Decepticons behind Galvatron. For one, Predaking is absolutely massive. And has no discerible face. But, I think that's normal for him. Seriously, though, he's so large that I question how he's even standing behind the other Decepticons, unless he's standing in a hole in the ground that comes up to his chest. Even more significant than this, though, is that Octane has rejoined the Decepticon ranks. We know that he was banished from the Decepticons, as told in "Starscream's Ghost," so to see him again as an active member of the team is a bit strange. He's in three separate scenes, too, so it's not just an isolated animation mistake. (If it is a mistake, they made it three times in rapid succession.)
The combat banter in this episode strikes me as childish. When First Aid says he's going to take Blades in for repairs, Galvatron taunts him with, "Better get used to the trip, Autobot!" implying that the Autobots are going to be heading in for repairs quite a bit. "Why don't you get used to LOSING, Galvatron? It's all ya ever do!" is Rodimus Prime's comeback. These are schoolyard playground insults. I'm surprised Galvatron didn't follow up with an "I'm rubber and you're glue!" remark.
I's mildly comical the way Galvatron, in cannon mode, has to whirl around to face Rodimus and Magnus after they arrive. Also, Steeljaw and Ramhorn get a very small role when Magnus sends them into the fray. Steeljaw is drawn with weird, vacant zombie eyes. This is actually a Toei installment, and the art ranges from perfunctory to quite good, but I feel like there are lots of little things to nitpick. Like the weird square-shaped gun Magnus is carrying when he commands the cassettes into action. (The weapons for the characters introduced in the movie were part of a whole separate animation model for some odd reason. Nobody is equipped at all in their model sheet drawings, which is why, I think, there are so many instances of the movie characters carrying the wrong weapons or not carrying weapons at all.)
I like the fact that First Aid actually drives up the chest ramp leading into Metroplex. It's a very toyetic moment that I approve of. Kids can reenact this scene! Also, Blades sure is badly battered after taking a single shot from Galvatron. I mean, even his robot parts are damaged, despite the fact that he got shot in helicopter mode.
So, here's where we get our episode title from. Galvatron is still taunting Rodimus, promising him that "if my current plan fails, there's always my... wait for it... ultimate weapon! Nothing can stand in its wake!" There's already something a tad peculiar about this statement. If he has an ultimate weapon, why isn't he using it? Why bother to proceed with a lesser plan when a superior, more powerful plan exists? Anyway, Rodimus is a little shaken up by the prospect, despite Magnus' reassurances. (Also, check out the absurd smile on Cyclonus' face when Galvatron promises Rodimus will soon find out what he really means. Cyclonus is a happy little Decepticon.)
First Aid is ordering Blades to get some rest (because damaged machines can benefit from just laying around, you know) when the intruder alert sounds and First Aid rushes to the scene. Slammer and Scamper are the first to respond, but Swindle blasts a hole in the floor and forces both of them to veer away.
The prominence of the Scramble City toys during season three deserves closer examination. The characters (Aerialbots, Stunticons, Combaticons, and Protectobots) were originally squeezed into season two at the last minute, and at Hasbro's request. Even though it was 1985, they wanted to feature the upcoming 1986 product line in some capacity. Season three was broadcast in 1986, but the setting of the show had changed radically, having jumped ahead 20 years. The end result of this is that while a lot of the characters from 1984-85 were either killed off or disappeared, the 1986 characters not only got a free pass, but many were featured even more prominently during season three.
First Aid arrives just in time to spot Swindle stealing the transformation cog for Metroplex. First Aid demands that he return it, but Swindle just laughs in his face and opens fire. "I heard you were a pacifist, but I don't believe there's a Transformer who won't fight for his life!" he balks. Sure enough, First Aid isn't shooting back. He's just leaping out of the path of Swindle's blasts (all of which are making Galvatron-cannon sounds, incidentally) and even picking up a rock or something to use as a shield. Eventually, First Aid is subdued, Swindle gives him a few kicks for good measure ("How do you feel, mighty First Aid?!") and absconds with the cog.
Elsewhere, Trypticon is in the ocean, playing Battleship with real battleships, when Swindle rejoins the Decepticons. It seems another banished Decepticon Triple Changer has been welcomed back to the fold, since Blitzwing is plainly and prominently visible among them. Now, wait a minute. Didn't Galvatron promise him, "You will NEVER be welcome in the ranks of the Decepticons again!" (emphasis mine)? This sure seems peculiar. All I can figure is that Galvatron is so crazy, and his mind is so badly-damaged, that he has no clear recollection of either Blitzwing or Octane's exile. They just snuck back into the Decepticon ranks, knowing that Galvatron was so out of touch with reality that he'd never question it.
There's a fun scene where Swindle tries to extort Galvatron in exchange for the transforming cog he was sent to collect. He implies the Autobots would pay a lot to get the cog back, and gives Galvatron a chance to match that hypothetical offer. Galvatron responds with a cannon blast instead, warning Swindle, "Refuse me ever again, and you will not be so lucky." It's a short scene that doesn't really advance the plot, but it's so in character for Swindle that I would question his actions if he just turned over the cog without hesitation. It's a great character moment.
(Interestingly, when Swindle is blasted and he cries out, it's the same cry that Metroplex makes when his eyes are missing in "Ghost in the Machine," and also the same cry made by the Sharkticon whom Outback bribes with energon in "The Quintesson Journal." I used to point to this as evidence that all the characters were voiced by the same actor. In reality, all this means is that the sound editors used the Metroplex cry provided by Bud Davis for multiple scenes, but it's a revealing look at how the sound effects were sometimes put together for the show.)
Now Trypticon is ready to attack Metroplex. But first, he must terrorize a family that is picking oranges from a tree. A young boy chastizes his grandfather for almost missing the orange that he picked and threw to him. "I miss nothing. Never have, never will," he claims, totally oblivious to the gigantic metallic dinosaur about to stomp them all into zesty citrus paste. Cue the commercial.
As we begin act two, the police show up and try to zap Trypticon with their cop lasers. Elsewhere, the Autobots recover from the theft of the cog. (The exterior model for Metroplex in city mode has always struck me as a little weird, since it includes a tiny black car with a red windshield. I guess this is supposed to be Scamper, but this is not how Scamper is colored when he's in car mode.)
First Aid is apologetic about not being able to stop Swindle. Well, specifically, he was physically *able* to stop Swindle, but he doesn't believe in fighting, so he just allowed the theft to happen. Rodimus is strangely accepting of all this, despite being super mean to the Protectobots earlier in the episode (not really). First Aid is a lot like Lifeline from G.I. Joe, who was so anti-war that he refused to so much as *touch* a weapon even if someone was lowering it down to him to lift him out of a pit of deadly snakes.
Hot Spot frequently toggles between having a mask and having a mouth. Also, when Magnus talks about not wanting to ask First Aid to compromise his beliefs, his mouth is filled with teeth and a tongue. This happens enough on the show that it can't really be called rare, but it sure looks weird when it happens.
So, First Aid experiences a brief crisis of conscience (there's a real possibility that the vulnerable Metroplex may get his butt kicked when Trypticon arrives) until he decides the best thing for everyone is for him to just run away. Rodimus takes this as his cue to start waddling even deeper in his own misery, citing First Aid's self-imposed exile as a sign that he's not fit to be the leader any longer. (Maybe Rodimus should run away, too? Please?)
On the way towards Metroplex, Trypticon gets distracted by a commuter bullet train and decides to smash it. He picks it up, terrorizing the civilians inside. The Autobots are nearby, and respond in force. We've got Aerialbots, we've got Protectobots (well, most of them) and we've also got Magnus and Rodimus. Honestly, I'm surprised Rodimus had the motivation to even show up.
The Protectobots try to combine into Defensor despite First Aid's absence. The rules in the show regarding whether this is possible seem to vary depending on the combiner. We've seen Devastator without an arm ("Five Faces of Darkness" part 1) or a head ("The Core"), but apparently Superion requires all Aerialbots (when Fireflight was missing in "Aerial Assault" they couldn't combine) and so does Predaking (when Headstrong couldn't transform in "Nightmare Planet" they were out of luck) and so does Bruticus (when Brawl was missing his personality in "B.O.T." they couldn't combine together). It's hard to say whether it's because the combined mode's personality is incomplete, or whether it's a physical limitation. It could also just be as simple as whether the missing guy forms an arm or a leg. Maybe if Groove had been the one to go off on his own, Defensor wouldn't have even been an option.
(As I've said before, I would have loved for them to play up the mix-and-match aspect of the Scramble City toys in the show. What if this had been a story about Defensor trying to use Slingshot as an arm, only to find out that Slingshot's personality affected Defensor's mind? What if he found out that he really needed First Aid's pacifist ways to counter Blades' bloodthirsty fighting instinct and Streetwise's dogged determination and Hot Spot's never-say-die attitude?)
The Stunticons arrive on the scene and prepare a counter-strike against Defensor. Now, Motormaster has always been voiced by Roger C. Carmel (indeed, we heard him as Motormaster in season two before we ever heard him as Cyclonus in the movie), but he really sounds wrong in this episode. All he says is, "Stunticons, transform!" but it's sure not the inflection in which he usually speaks. Menasor sounds all wrong, too. Again, it was always Rege Cordic providing his voice (except for "The Key to Vector Sigma" part 2, in which he was performed by Frank Welker doing his Tyrannix voice from Robotix), but in this episode he just sounds like a Quintesson.
Anyway, Magnus and Rodimus shoot Menasor in the back seconds before he tackles Defensor, allowing Defensor to catch the falling train with his one arm. "This would be a lot easier if First Aid was here!" he quips. Now that the commuter train is safe, it's time for the Aerialbots to enter the fray. They're at the top of their game, even if Air Raid's voice is a little off (Rob Paulsen is doing his Snowjob voice instead of his Raphael voice, and Air Raid has never sounded this gruff). Air Raid braves Trypticon's mouth lasers, flying right into his mouth until he's singed and has to crash-land in a pond. (What, no "so long, cruel world"? Isn't that what Aerialbots always say right before they don't die?)
Silverbolt seems to think Trypticon has used up all his ammunition, so he takes the opportunity to fly right into the monster Decepticon's mouth. He flies right into his gullet and opens fire, blasting away and giving Trypty one hell of a case of indigestion. Silverbolt is showing absolutely no sign of his usual fear of heights, so maybe he's finally gotten over that.
Galvatron calls the retreat so that Trypticon's injuries can be tended to, but he takes the opportunity to remind the Autobots all about this mysterious ultimate weapon he's got cooked up. Rodimus is more concerned about Metroplex's missing transforming cog. He also mentions that First Aid is the only Autobot who can correctly install it if they ever get it back. I smell plot trickery. What about Pipes? He was the one who installed the cog the last time this happened, in "Five Faces of Darkness" part 5. There are a lot of things happening in this episode that are not-quite-right.
So, here's one of the oddest scenes of the episode. Rodimus and Magnus have been painted different colors (shades of blue and teal, mostly) and they've recruited Spike and Daniel Witwicky to help them. They drive right up to Decepticon City where Vortex is guarding the entrance. Apparently there are human workers helping to repair Trypticon, so to this end, Spike and Daniel are masquerading as a delivery crew with supplies. This whole scheme relies on Vortex being exceptionally stupid. He's required to not recognize Magnus and Rodimus, and also to not recognize Daniel or Spike. He's also required to not question why a child is being used for manual labor.
It's super weird that the Decepticons would have employed a human repair crew. Like, it makes zero sense. I guess Galvatron could have enslaved the local populace and threatened them with death if they didn't fix his dinosaur, but it still just seems incredibly odd.
So, Vortex is not completely fooled. Not because he recognizes either of the Autobots, and not because he recognizes Spike or Daniel, but because he smells Autobot fumes (which are environmentally friendly and free of pollutants, incidentally). This whole scene is made extra weird by the complete lack of color. Magnus is teal, Rodimus is blue, Spike and Daniel are both wearing blue jumpsuits while sitting behind blue windshields, and Vortex is also shades of grey and blue. Vortex's red eyes are about the only contrasting color in this entire sequence.
Vortex actually picks up Rodimus in vehicle mode, shaking the vehicle around and demanding that somebody finally tell him the truth. It's nice that Vortex finally gets to interrogate somebody, since that's his tech specs function and all. (I imagine his interrogations are a bit more effective than Laserbeak's.)
Then Daniel makes... THE SCREAM. It is the most inhuman, ungodly sound ever uttered by any creature in existence. It's the stuff nightmares are made of. It pierces your very soul. And he does it FOUR TIMES. I don't know what the hell the sound editors were thinking. Once was enough. Really, zero times would have been enough. But four times is almost unbearable.
Daniel plops right out of Rodimus' cabin window and falls over a cliff. Spike stares in abject horror. Not because Daniel is falling to his death, but because of THE SCREAM. Ultra Magnus dives for Daniel, while Rodimus transforms and zaps Vortex. Weirdly, the alternate paint schemes wear off as soon as the two Autobots transform. (As an aside, I'm surprised we've never gotten Takara G1 reissues, or Masterpiece redeco toys, in these colors.)
So Magnus catches Danny in mid-fall. The boy is unharmed. Dammit. The kid sits there in Magnus' palm and I swear it looks like a child's head attached to an adult body.
So, Galvatron and the Stunticons show up, so Rodimus and Magnus serve as decoys to draw the Decepticons away while Spike and Daniel steal the cog. Trypticon's inner workings are super weird-looking. There are some mechanical bits, but there's also some rounded parts that are almost organic-looking. Spike extracts the cog and they almost manage a clean getaway, but Cyclonus shows up and ruins their escape.
Spike, thinking quickly, plays it cool and acts like he's just been systematically checking Trypticon for problems, like any obedient human employee of the Decepticons, because obviously this is a thing that happens. Spike lays it on a little thick, muttering about grumpy robot employers, but it's enough to allow them to walk right past Cyclonus and complete their escape. Cyclonus does notice the missing cog, but by this point it's too late.
But, let's back up for a second. We know Decepticons can recognize individual humans. Just to name a random example, Skywarp recognized Carly in "The Immobilizer" after seeing her only once previously, and successfully identified her as friend of the Autobots. And this is Skywarp we're talking about, who wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. I find it improbable, to say the least, that Cyclonus doesn't know who Spike is and cannot recognize him on sight. As I said, there's a lot of not-quite-right in this episode.
We see that Magnus and Rodimus must have gunned down the Stunticons, because Galvatron is busy chastizing them for losing the fight. He even goes so far as to kick Drag Strip into a tree. (I feel like Drag Strip should have broken the tree, but that's not really important.) Cyclonus shows up and reports on the unexpected theft of the cog.
Elsewhere, we see a weird robot who may or may not be named Nul-A. That's what it says on his chest, anyway. He wears a New York Yankees baseball cap, and he's in charge of running a junkyard. First Aid has retreated to this junkyard to hang out with Nul-A and "chug down a few sips o' oil" (I wish I was making this up, but I'm not).
So, Galvatron has tried installing Metroplex's transforming cog into Trypticon. He conducts a test and has Trypticon try to transform, which he can do... somewhat unsuccessfully. His circuits are rejecting the foreign cog, apparently. He's standing there in dinosaur mode with one city tower poking out of his back, and with one of his dinosaur claws as a sideways helipad. (Something else interesting is that Full Tilt, who is normally mounted to Trypticon's chest in car mode, has disappeared completely.) Trypticon is largely unconcerned about this apparent setback. He's still ready to go attack Metroplex.
There's a short scene where Rodimus concludes that since Trypticon is probably using Metroplex's cog, they can even the odds by installing Trypticon's cog in Metroplex. (I really don't like the way they draw Rod's head in this scene. His cranium is too big.) He's got serious doubts about whether he's even taking the right course of action, requiring Magnus to continue reassuring him. I feel like Magnus is being completely insincere when he's all, "Brilliant strategy, Rodimus!" Optimus Prime elected Ultra Magnus as the new leader of the Autobots, and this is what he's been reduced to? Acting as Rodimus Prime's life coach and babysitter?
Trypticon finally finds Metroplex, parked in city mode in the middle of a park. Nearby human citizens flee in terror, leaving the doors open on their cars. That's a really nice touch. Metroplex responds as soon as Trypticon arrives, but he's struggling to get his cog working correctly, and he's involuntarily reverting partially to city mode. Poor Metroplex ends up in a half-robot mode, mistranformed state, much like Trypticon, with the left half of his upper torso a helipad and city tower, unable to use his left arm at all. Still, he's making a solid effort. Metroplex gets in a good, solid punch, and goes to tackle Trypticon, but the impact when he lands seems to spontaneously trigger the completion of his transformation, so he involuntarily shifts entirely into city mode, leaving him unable to fight. Trypticon seizes the opportunity and delivers a good, swift kick that sends Metroplex flying. This is easily my favorite Metroplex/Trypticon fight, and probably my favorite scene in the entire episode, too.
This whole sequence requires a bit of knowledge regarding both how the Hasbro toys functioned and what hypothetical mistransformed versions of these characters would actually look like in three-dimensional space. Given the sheer number of times the transformations are totally made up on the spot (like in "Triple Takeover," to name a random example, how the front of Astrotrain's train mode somehow forming the wings on his back) the fact that this scene is pretty toyetic and pretty accurate to what the Metroplex and Trypticon toys can actually do really deserves special mention. It would have been really easy to botch this scene, but the animators really did an exceptional job. They might have even been using the Hasbro toys for reference when coming up with the mistransformed robot modes.
Back at the junkyard, First Aid is wasting his time fixing refrigerators. Like, literally all the refrigerators. Who throws away that many refrigerators? Nul-A seems happy, complaining that the place used to be so terrible that even Wreck-Gar would go out of his way to avoid it, but it still seems like a huge waste of First Aid's talents. First Aid seems quite proud of himself, but Hot Spot shows up and points out that Autobot warriors are a dime a dozen, but the Autobots only have one First Aid. And, you know, it's kind of true. Ratchet and Wheeljack are dead, and Hoist went AWOL after the end of season two (working on his burgeoning film career, no doubt). First Aid is really all they've got left at this point.
Metroplex is losing the fight rather badly. In the past, he's always defeated Trypticon easily by just picking him up and throwing him into a large body of water. With one arm permanently stuck in city mode, he can't do that. First Aid and Hot Spot show up, and Rodimus explains the only way Metroplex can emerge triumphant here is if somebody climbs into his body and aligns the transformation cog to actually work properly. First Aid is pretty much okay with this. Well, hey, at least he won't be fighting anyone, right?
Blades flies First Aid as close to the brawling city Transformers as possible. (See, this is why First Aid was so determined to make sure Blades got repaired. You never know when you might need a helicopter ride.) He climbs into a convenient access hatch in Metroplex's back, does some fancy stuff to the cog (while it's still rotating, nonetheless), and Metroplex is golden. He is able to finally complete his transformation to robot mode, and now it's Metroplex who's got the advantage. So, what's the first thing he does? He picks up Trypticon and throws him into a body of water. It's just this thing he does.
Galvatron is not so easily thwarted, and he's still making noises about his ultimate weapon. He produces a control box and wags it menacingly, threatening to activate the weapon if the Autobots don't surrender. Rodimus takes a second to think about this and realizes Galvatron must be fibbing. If he really did have this kind of weapon at his disposal, he wouldn't hesitate to use it. So, Rodimus calls his bluff, advancing confidently towards him. Okay, kids, get ready, because here comes the big message of the episode. Rodimus used the REAL ultimate weapon: his mind!
This is a cartoon written for children, but despite this, there's a huge difference between talking down to kids and just expecting them to follow along. Episodes like "Five Faces of Darkness" or "Madman's Paradise" don't pull any punches. They treat the audience like grown-ups and don't stop the narrative to give the little kids a chance to catch up. Either you can follow the episodes or you can't. I feel like parts of this episode are heavily skewed towards a much younger audience than is typical for the show.
So, Galvatron retreats, leaving Trypticon to thrash and sink even deeper. Poor Trypty. In the aftermath, Ultra Magnus talks to Metroplex like he's a toddler, First Aid decides to rejoin the Autobots, and Rodimus delivers a speech about how all his doubts are behind him and he's finally ready to step up as leader. Well, at least until the next episode, I guess. Magnus even chimes in with a sappy moral-of-the-day about how "sometimes it just takes a while to realize what you've got to offer others," putting his hands all over Rodimus and Hot Spot in a really touchy-feely way. I'm honestly reminded of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe episodes where Man-at-Arms or Orko or somebody would address the viewers directly and try to cram a heartfelt lesson down their little throats. It's such a sappy, forced way to end the episode.
Next month I'd like to look at "Only Human" since it's a good Springer episode and I'm anticipating his Siege toy will be out by then. We'll see if my long-term planning capability is on par with Hasbro's or not!
Zob (fingers crossed)
Our episode may or may not open in France. I base this supposition solely on the stereotypical berets and striped shirts worn by some of the warring humans. They're running around and shooting each other. It's interesting to me that, despite the futuristic setting of season three (or perhaps because of it), we got to see Earth society very rarely. "Only Human" is just about the only episode besides this one that gives us a taste of what human culture is like in the far-flung future date of 2006.
So, the Protectobots watch all this fighting on Teletraan II's monitor, and First Aid expresses confusion that humans are at war with other humans. This is kind of a funny meta-commentary considering the Autobot-Decepticon war. (First Aid's commentary could easily mirror that of confused parents who are befuddled by kids' interest in this show. "Why are the robots always fighting each other? It doesn't make sense!") Hot Spot establishes that the Protectobots have been asked to help the police in their efforts to keep the peace (the American police, I'm assuming). Rodimus points an accusing finger at the group and tells them to stop watching television and get to work.
I feel like the transformation models for the Scramble City characters are an odd mix of incredibly detailed and immensely plain. Some of them really seem like they were just phoned in. I suspect Floro Dery, or one of his assistants, designed the transformations without looking at how the toys functioned at all. The way Hot Spot transforms in the show, at least the first time, is incorrect when compared to the Hasbro toy; the front of the fire engine forms Hot Spot's arms on the toy, but in the show, his arms form the rear of the fire truck instead. (Later in the episode, his transformation model changes. I wonder if this is the result of the animators actually studying how the toys were designed. See below.)
So the human skirmish continues, with laser blasts flying from every direction (this is the future, after all) when the Protectobots arrive on the scene. Both Hot Spot and Groove have inexplicably developed a Southern accent when Hot Spot says, "You guys know what to do!" and Groove responds with, "My pleasure!"
First Aid and Hot Spot reacted to Rodimus Prime like he was biting their heads off, and even Ultra Magnus remarks that he was rough on them, but it sure didn't come through in his delivery. Maybe if he'd yelled at them like Serpentor then their reactions would all be warranted, but he was just telling them to go to work. No big deal.
Rodimus is kind of having a mopey day, talking about how he's got too many responsibilities and just can't handle everything. Magnus tries to reassure him, but it feels like a huge misstep when he compares Rodimus to Optimus Prime. Nobody, up to and including Rodimus himself, feels like he can fill Optimus Prime's shoes, and Rodimus calls out Magnus on his incorrect assessment.
If there had been an overreaching game plan for Rodimus Prime's development as a character, then I suppose he might have gone from insecure and immature to gradually owning the role as Autobot leader and growing to become more sure of himself. What actually happens, though, is he just wildly vacilates between sometimes being terribly worried and nervous and sometimes just bulldozing through his job regardless of how badly he botches it. You could watch the episodes in nearly any order, but it doesn't make a lot of sense, for example, for the resolution at the end of this episode (spoiler alert!) to precede "The Burden Hardest to Bear," which is arguably the toughest time he has with the leadership role.
Back to our story, though. Blades is up ahead when he's suddenly gunned down, and the Protectobots naturally conclude it's the work of the Decepticons. (The blast also makes a Galvagun sound effect, in case there was any doubt.)
There are a couple of odd things about the group of Decepticons behind Galvatron. For one, Predaking is absolutely massive. And has no discerible face. But, I think that's normal for him. Seriously, though, he's so large that I question how he's even standing behind the other Decepticons, unless he's standing in a hole in the ground that comes up to his chest. Even more significant than this, though, is that Octane has rejoined the Decepticon ranks. We know that he was banished from the Decepticons, as told in "Starscream's Ghost," so to see him again as an active member of the team is a bit strange. He's in three separate scenes, too, so it's not just an isolated animation mistake. (If it is a mistake, they made it three times in rapid succession.)
The combat banter in this episode strikes me as childish. When First Aid says he's going to take Blades in for repairs, Galvatron taunts him with, "Better get used to the trip, Autobot!" implying that the Autobots are going to be heading in for repairs quite a bit. "Why don't you get used to LOSING, Galvatron? It's all ya ever do!" is Rodimus Prime's comeback. These are schoolyard playground insults. I'm surprised Galvatron didn't follow up with an "I'm rubber and you're glue!" remark.
I's mildly comical the way Galvatron, in cannon mode, has to whirl around to face Rodimus and Magnus after they arrive. Also, Steeljaw and Ramhorn get a very small role when Magnus sends them into the fray. Steeljaw is drawn with weird, vacant zombie eyes. This is actually a Toei installment, and the art ranges from perfunctory to quite good, but I feel like there are lots of little things to nitpick. Like the weird square-shaped gun Magnus is carrying when he commands the cassettes into action. (The weapons for the characters introduced in the movie were part of a whole separate animation model for some odd reason. Nobody is equipped at all in their model sheet drawings, which is why, I think, there are so many instances of the movie characters carrying the wrong weapons or not carrying weapons at all.)
I like the fact that First Aid actually drives up the chest ramp leading into Metroplex. It's a very toyetic moment that I approve of. Kids can reenact this scene! Also, Blades sure is badly battered after taking a single shot from Galvatron. I mean, even his robot parts are damaged, despite the fact that he got shot in helicopter mode.
So, here's where we get our episode title from. Galvatron is still taunting Rodimus, promising him that "if my current plan fails, there's always my... wait for it... ultimate weapon! Nothing can stand in its wake!" There's already something a tad peculiar about this statement. If he has an ultimate weapon, why isn't he using it? Why bother to proceed with a lesser plan when a superior, more powerful plan exists? Anyway, Rodimus is a little shaken up by the prospect, despite Magnus' reassurances. (Also, check out the absurd smile on Cyclonus' face when Galvatron promises Rodimus will soon find out what he really means. Cyclonus is a happy little Decepticon.)
First Aid is ordering Blades to get some rest (because damaged machines can benefit from just laying around, you know) when the intruder alert sounds and First Aid rushes to the scene. Slammer and Scamper are the first to respond, but Swindle blasts a hole in the floor and forces both of them to veer away.
The prominence of the Scramble City toys during season three deserves closer examination. The characters (Aerialbots, Stunticons, Combaticons, and Protectobots) were originally squeezed into season two at the last minute, and at Hasbro's request. Even though it was 1985, they wanted to feature the upcoming 1986 product line in some capacity. Season three was broadcast in 1986, but the setting of the show had changed radically, having jumped ahead 20 years. The end result of this is that while a lot of the characters from 1984-85 were either killed off or disappeared, the 1986 characters not only got a free pass, but many were featured even more prominently during season three.
First Aid arrives just in time to spot Swindle stealing the transformation cog for Metroplex. First Aid demands that he return it, but Swindle just laughs in his face and opens fire. "I heard you were a pacifist, but I don't believe there's a Transformer who won't fight for his life!" he balks. Sure enough, First Aid isn't shooting back. He's just leaping out of the path of Swindle's blasts (all of which are making Galvatron-cannon sounds, incidentally) and even picking up a rock or something to use as a shield. Eventually, First Aid is subdued, Swindle gives him a few kicks for good measure ("How do you feel, mighty First Aid?!") and absconds with the cog.
Elsewhere, Trypticon is in the ocean, playing Battleship with real battleships, when Swindle rejoins the Decepticons. It seems another banished Decepticon Triple Changer has been welcomed back to the fold, since Blitzwing is plainly and prominently visible among them. Now, wait a minute. Didn't Galvatron promise him, "You will NEVER be welcome in the ranks of the Decepticons again!" (emphasis mine)? This sure seems peculiar. All I can figure is that Galvatron is so crazy, and his mind is so badly-damaged, that he has no clear recollection of either Blitzwing or Octane's exile. They just snuck back into the Decepticon ranks, knowing that Galvatron was so out of touch with reality that he'd never question it.
There's a fun scene where Swindle tries to extort Galvatron in exchange for the transforming cog he was sent to collect. He implies the Autobots would pay a lot to get the cog back, and gives Galvatron a chance to match that hypothetical offer. Galvatron responds with a cannon blast instead, warning Swindle, "Refuse me ever again, and you will not be so lucky." It's a short scene that doesn't really advance the plot, but it's so in character for Swindle that I would question his actions if he just turned over the cog without hesitation. It's a great character moment.
(Interestingly, when Swindle is blasted and he cries out, it's the same cry that Metroplex makes when his eyes are missing in "Ghost in the Machine," and also the same cry made by the Sharkticon whom Outback bribes with energon in "The Quintesson Journal." I used to point to this as evidence that all the characters were voiced by the same actor. In reality, all this means is that the sound editors used the Metroplex cry provided by Bud Davis for multiple scenes, but it's a revealing look at how the sound effects were sometimes put together for the show.)
Now Trypticon is ready to attack Metroplex. But first, he must terrorize a family that is picking oranges from a tree. A young boy chastizes his grandfather for almost missing the orange that he picked and threw to him. "I miss nothing. Never have, never will," he claims, totally oblivious to the gigantic metallic dinosaur about to stomp them all into zesty citrus paste. Cue the commercial.
As we begin act two, the police show up and try to zap Trypticon with their cop lasers. Elsewhere, the Autobots recover from the theft of the cog. (The exterior model for Metroplex in city mode has always struck me as a little weird, since it includes a tiny black car with a red windshield. I guess this is supposed to be Scamper, but this is not how Scamper is colored when he's in car mode.)
First Aid is apologetic about not being able to stop Swindle. Well, specifically, he was physically *able* to stop Swindle, but he doesn't believe in fighting, so he just allowed the theft to happen. Rodimus is strangely accepting of all this, despite being super mean to the Protectobots earlier in the episode (not really). First Aid is a lot like Lifeline from G.I. Joe, who was so anti-war that he refused to so much as *touch* a weapon even if someone was lowering it down to him to lift him out of a pit of deadly snakes.
Hot Spot frequently toggles between having a mask and having a mouth. Also, when Magnus talks about not wanting to ask First Aid to compromise his beliefs, his mouth is filled with teeth and a tongue. This happens enough on the show that it can't really be called rare, but it sure looks weird when it happens.
So, First Aid experiences a brief crisis of conscience (there's a real possibility that the vulnerable Metroplex may get his butt kicked when Trypticon arrives) until he decides the best thing for everyone is for him to just run away. Rodimus takes this as his cue to start waddling even deeper in his own misery, citing First Aid's self-imposed exile as a sign that he's not fit to be the leader any longer. (Maybe Rodimus should run away, too? Please?)
On the way towards Metroplex, Trypticon gets distracted by a commuter bullet train and decides to smash it. He picks it up, terrorizing the civilians inside. The Autobots are nearby, and respond in force. We've got Aerialbots, we've got Protectobots (well, most of them) and we've also got Magnus and Rodimus. Honestly, I'm surprised Rodimus had the motivation to even show up.
The Protectobots try to combine into Defensor despite First Aid's absence. The rules in the show regarding whether this is possible seem to vary depending on the combiner. We've seen Devastator without an arm ("Five Faces of Darkness" part 1) or a head ("The Core"), but apparently Superion requires all Aerialbots (when Fireflight was missing in "Aerial Assault" they couldn't combine) and so does Predaking (when Headstrong couldn't transform in "Nightmare Planet" they were out of luck) and so does Bruticus (when Brawl was missing his personality in "B.O.T." they couldn't combine together). It's hard to say whether it's because the combined mode's personality is incomplete, or whether it's a physical limitation. It could also just be as simple as whether the missing guy forms an arm or a leg. Maybe if Groove had been the one to go off on his own, Defensor wouldn't have even been an option.
(As I've said before, I would have loved for them to play up the mix-and-match aspect of the Scramble City toys in the show. What if this had been a story about Defensor trying to use Slingshot as an arm, only to find out that Slingshot's personality affected Defensor's mind? What if he found out that he really needed First Aid's pacifist ways to counter Blades' bloodthirsty fighting instinct and Streetwise's dogged determination and Hot Spot's never-say-die attitude?)
The Stunticons arrive on the scene and prepare a counter-strike against Defensor. Now, Motormaster has always been voiced by Roger C. Carmel (indeed, we heard him as Motormaster in season two before we ever heard him as Cyclonus in the movie), but he really sounds wrong in this episode. All he says is, "Stunticons, transform!" but it's sure not the inflection in which he usually speaks. Menasor sounds all wrong, too. Again, it was always Rege Cordic providing his voice (except for "The Key to Vector Sigma" part 2, in which he was performed by Frank Welker doing his Tyrannix voice from Robotix), but in this episode he just sounds like a Quintesson.
Anyway, Magnus and Rodimus shoot Menasor in the back seconds before he tackles Defensor, allowing Defensor to catch the falling train with his one arm. "This would be a lot easier if First Aid was here!" he quips. Now that the commuter train is safe, it's time for the Aerialbots to enter the fray. They're at the top of their game, even if Air Raid's voice is a little off (Rob Paulsen is doing his Snowjob voice instead of his Raphael voice, and Air Raid has never sounded this gruff). Air Raid braves Trypticon's mouth lasers, flying right into his mouth until he's singed and has to crash-land in a pond. (What, no "so long, cruel world"? Isn't that what Aerialbots always say right before they don't die?)
Silverbolt seems to think Trypticon has used up all his ammunition, so he takes the opportunity to fly right into the monster Decepticon's mouth. He flies right into his gullet and opens fire, blasting away and giving Trypty one hell of a case of indigestion. Silverbolt is showing absolutely no sign of his usual fear of heights, so maybe he's finally gotten over that.
Galvatron calls the retreat so that Trypticon's injuries can be tended to, but he takes the opportunity to remind the Autobots all about this mysterious ultimate weapon he's got cooked up. Rodimus is more concerned about Metroplex's missing transforming cog. He also mentions that First Aid is the only Autobot who can correctly install it if they ever get it back. I smell plot trickery. What about Pipes? He was the one who installed the cog the last time this happened, in "Five Faces of Darkness" part 5. There are a lot of things happening in this episode that are not-quite-right.
So, here's one of the oddest scenes of the episode. Rodimus and Magnus have been painted different colors (shades of blue and teal, mostly) and they've recruited Spike and Daniel Witwicky to help them. They drive right up to Decepticon City where Vortex is guarding the entrance. Apparently there are human workers helping to repair Trypticon, so to this end, Spike and Daniel are masquerading as a delivery crew with supplies. This whole scheme relies on Vortex being exceptionally stupid. He's required to not recognize Magnus and Rodimus, and also to not recognize Daniel or Spike. He's also required to not question why a child is being used for manual labor.
It's super weird that the Decepticons would have employed a human repair crew. Like, it makes zero sense. I guess Galvatron could have enslaved the local populace and threatened them with death if they didn't fix his dinosaur, but it still just seems incredibly odd.
So, Vortex is not completely fooled. Not because he recognizes either of the Autobots, and not because he recognizes Spike or Daniel, but because he smells Autobot fumes (which are environmentally friendly and free of pollutants, incidentally). This whole scene is made extra weird by the complete lack of color. Magnus is teal, Rodimus is blue, Spike and Daniel are both wearing blue jumpsuits while sitting behind blue windshields, and Vortex is also shades of grey and blue. Vortex's red eyes are about the only contrasting color in this entire sequence.
Vortex actually picks up Rodimus in vehicle mode, shaking the vehicle around and demanding that somebody finally tell him the truth. It's nice that Vortex finally gets to interrogate somebody, since that's his tech specs function and all. (I imagine his interrogations are a bit more effective than Laserbeak's.)
Then Daniel makes... THE SCREAM. It is the most inhuman, ungodly sound ever uttered by any creature in existence. It's the stuff nightmares are made of. It pierces your very soul. And he does it FOUR TIMES. I don't know what the hell the sound editors were thinking. Once was enough. Really, zero times would have been enough. But four times is almost unbearable.
Daniel plops right out of Rodimus' cabin window and falls over a cliff. Spike stares in abject horror. Not because Daniel is falling to his death, but because of THE SCREAM. Ultra Magnus dives for Daniel, while Rodimus transforms and zaps Vortex. Weirdly, the alternate paint schemes wear off as soon as the two Autobots transform. (As an aside, I'm surprised we've never gotten Takara G1 reissues, or Masterpiece redeco toys, in these colors.)
So Magnus catches Danny in mid-fall. The boy is unharmed. Dammit. The kid sits there in Magnus' palm and I swear it looks like a child's head attached to an adult body.
So, Galvatron and the Stunticons show up, so Rodimus and Magnus serve as decoys to draw the Decepticons away while Spike and Daniel steal the cog. Trypticon's inner workings are super weird-looking. There are some mechanical bits, but there's also some rounded parts that are almost organic-looking. Spike extracts the cog and they almost manage a clean getaway, but Cyclonus shows up and ruins their escape.
Spike, thinking quickly, plays it cool and acts like he's just been systematically checking Trypticon for problems, like any obedient human employee of the Decepticons, because obviously this is a thing that happens. Spike lays it on a little thick, muttering about grumpy robot employers, but it's enough to allow them to walk right past Cyclonus and complete their escape. Cyclonus does notice the missing cog, but by this point it's too late.
But, let's back up for a second. We know Decepticons can recognize individual humans. Just to name a random example, Skywarp recognized Carly in "The Immobilizer" after seeing her only once previously, and successfully identified her as friend of the Autobots. And this is Skywarp we're talking about, who wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in the box. I find it improbable, to say the least, that Cyclonus doesn't know who Spike is and cannot recognize him on sight. As I said, there's a lot of not-quite-right in this episode.
We see that Magnus and Rodimus must have gunned down the Stunticons, because Galvatron is busy chastizing them for losing the fight. He even goes so far as to kick Drag Strip into a tree. (I feel like Drag Strip should have broken the tree, but that's not really important.) Cyclonus shows up and reports on the unexpected theft of the cog.
Elsewhere, we see a weird robot who may or may not be named Nul-A. That's what it says on his chest, anyway. He wears a New York Yankees baseball cap, and he's in charge of running a junkyard. First Aid has retreated to this junkyard to hang out with Nul-A and "chug down a few sips o' oil" (I wish I was making this up, but I'm not).
So, Galvatron has tried installing Metroplex's transforming cog into Trypticon. He conducts a test and has Trypticon try to transform, which he can do... somewhat unsuccessfully. His circuits are rejecting the foreign cog, apparently. He's standing there in dinosaur mode with one city tower poking out of his back, and with one of his dinosaur claws as a sideways helipad. (Something else interesting is that Full Tilt, who is normally mounted to Trypticon's chest in car mode, has disappeared completely.) Trypticon is largely unconcerned about this apparent setback. He's still ready to go attack Metroplex.
There's a short scene where Rodimus concludes that since Trypticon is probably using Metroplex's cog, they can even the odds by installing Trypticon's cog in Metroplex. (I really don't like the way they draw Rod's head in this scene. His cranium is too big.) He's got serious doubts about whether he's even taking the right course of action, requiring Magnus to continue reassuring him. I feel like Magnus is being completely insincere when he's all, "Brilliant strategy, Rodimus!" Optimus Prime elected Ultra Magnus as the new leader of the Autobots, and this is what he's been reduced to? Acting as Rodimus Prime's life coach and babysitter?
Trypticon finally finds Metroplex, parked in city mode in the middle of a park. Nearby human citizens flee in terror, leaving the doors open on their cars. That's a really nice touch. Metroplex responds as soon as Trypticon arrives, but he's struggling to get his cog working correctly, and he's involuntarily reverting partially to city mode. Poor Metroplex ends up in a half-robot mode, mistranformed state, much like Trypticon, with the left half of his upper torso a helipad and city tower, unable to use his left arm at all. Still, he's making a solid effort. Metroplex gets in a good, solid punch, and goes to tackle Trypticon, but the impact when he lands seems to spontaneously trigger the completion of his transformation, so he involuntarily shifts entirely into city mode, leaving him unable to fight. Trypticon seizes the opportunity and delivers a good, swift kick that sends Metroplex flying. This is easily my favorite Metroplex/Trypticon fight, and probably my favorite scene in the entire episode, too.
This whole sequence requires a bit of knowledge regarding both how the Hasbro toys functioned and what hypothetical mistransformed versions of these characters would actually look like in three-dimensional space. Given the sheer number of times the transformations are totally made up on the spot (like in "Triple Takeover," to name a random example, how the front of Astrotrain's train mode somehow forming the wings on his back) the fact that this scene is pretty toyetic and pretty accurate to what the Metroplex and Trypticon toys can actually do really deserves special mention. It would have been really easy to botch this scene, but the animators really did an exceptional job. They might have even been using the Hasbro toys for reference when coming up with the mistransformed robot modes.
Back at the junkyard, First Aid is wasting his time fixing refrigerators. Like, literally all the refrigerators. Who throws away that many refrigerators? Nul-A seems happy, complaining that the place used to be so terrible that even Wreck-Gar would go out of his way to avoid it, but it still seems like a huge waste of First Aid's talents. First Aid seems quite proud of himself, but Hot Spot shows up and points out that Autobot warriors are a dime a dozen, but the Autobots only have one First Aid. And, you know, it's kind of true. Ratchet and Wheeljack are dead, and Hoist went AWOL after the end of season two (working on his burgeoning film career, no doubt). First Aid is really all they've got left at this point.
Metroplex is losing the fight rather badly. In the past, he's always defeated Trypticon easily by just picking him up and throwing him into a large body of water. With one arm permanently stuck in city mode, he can't do that. First Aid and Hot Spot show up, and Rodimus explains the only way Metroplex can emerge triumphant here is if somebody climbs into his body and aligns the transformation cog to actually work properly. First Aid is pretty much okay with this. Well, hey, at least he won't be fighting anyone, right?
Blades flies First Aid as close to the brawling city Transformers as possible. (See, this is why First Aid was so determined to make sure Blades got repaired. You never know when you might need a helicopter ride.) He climbs into a convenient access hatch in Metroplex's back, does some fancy stuff to the cog (while it's still rotating, nonetheless), and Metroplex is golden. He is able to finally complete his transformation to robot mode, and now it's Metroplex who's got the advantage. So, what's the first thing he does? He picks up Trypticon and throws him into a body of water. It's just this thing he does.
Galvatron is not so easily thwarted, and he's still making noises about his ultimate weapon. He produces a control box and wags it menacingly, threatening to activate the weapon if the Autobots don't surrender. Rodimus takes a second to think about this and realizes Galvatron must be fibbing. If he really did have this kind of weapon at his disposal, he wouldn't hesitate to use it. So, Rodimus calls his bluff, advancing confidently towards him. Okay, kids, get ready, because here comes the big message of the episode. Rodimus used the REAL ultimate weapon: his mind!
This is a cartoon written for children, but despite this, there's a huge difference between talking down to kids and just expecting them to follow along. Episodes like "Five Faces of Darkness" or "Madman's Paradise" don't pull any punches. They treat the audience like grown-ups and don't stop the narrative to give the little kids a chance to catch up. Either you can follow the episodes or you can't. I feel like parts of this episode are heavily skewed towards a much younger audience than is typical for the show.
So, Galvatron retreats, leaving Trypticon to thrash and sink even deeper. Poor Trypty. In the aftermath, Ultra Magnus talks to Metroplex like he's a toddler, First Aid decides to rejoin the Autobots, and Rodimus delivers a speech about how all his doubts are behind him and he's finally ready to step up as leader. Well, at least until the next episode, I guess. Magnus even chimes in with a sappy moral-of-the-day about how "sometimes it just takes a while to realize what you've got to offer others," putting his hands all over Rodimus and Hot Spot in a really touchy-feely way. I'm honestly reminded of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe episodes where Man-at-Arms or Orko or somebody would address the viewers directly and try to cram a heartfelt lesson down their little throats. It's such a sappy, forced way to end the episode.
Next month I'd like to look at "Only Human" since it's a good Springer episode and I'm anticipating his Siege toy will be out by then. We'll see if my long-term planning capability is on par with Hasbro's or not!
Zob (fingers crossed)
Gustavo Wombat
Jul 1, 2019, 9:24:53 PM7/1/19
to
Zobovor <zm...@aol.com> wrote:
> "The Ultimate Weapon" is episode #85 of the original Transformers series
> (not to be confused with "The Quintesson Journal," whose story revolves
> around a completely unrelated "ultimate weapon" the Quintessons are
> selling to warring alien races). The episode first aired on November 10,
> 1986. It was written by Arthur Byron Cover, a science fiction novelist
> who also wrote for the Dinosaucers cartoon as well as The Real Ghostbusters.
Fun Fact: Arthur Byron Cover got his start at a German company, translating
> "The Ultimate Weapon" is episode #85 of the original Transformers series
> (not to be confused with "The Quintesson Journal," whose story revolves
> around a completely unrelated "ultimate weapon" the Quintessons are
> selling to warring alien races). The episode first aired on November 10,
> 1986. It was written by Arthur Byron Cover, a science fiction novelist
> who also wrote for the Dinosaucers cartoon as well as The Real Ghostbusters.
pornographic novels from Spanish to Bulgarian, despite not knowing Spanish,
Bulgarian or German. The books were sold in tiny illicit bookshops in
Stalinist Bulgaria where they were wrapped in brown paper to keep the
authorities from looking at them. Or the customers, who would head home and
discover that the contents were complete gibberish.
> Our episode may or may not open in France. I base this supposition
> solely on the stereotypical berets and striped shirts worn by some of the
> warring humans. They're running around and shooting each other. It's
> interesting to me that, despite the futuristic setting of season three
> (or perhaps because of it), we got to see Earth society very rarely.
> "Only Human" is just about the only episode besides this one that gives
> us a taste of what human culture is like in the far-flung future date of 2006.
Ok, this scene is completely insane, with little old ladies with laser guns
and biker gangs and the French invading, and those a-frame houses. I don’t
know what happened to Bulgaria, or wherever this is, but it wasn’t good.
I’m going to hazard a guess that humans are working with the Decepticons,
either as independent contractors, or a nation-state cutting a separate
peace (similar to Carbombya in Season 2). We just don’t get any of the
background information about the how or the why. But that little old lady?
She’s evil. Or good.
> So, the Protectobots watch all this fighting on Teletraan II's monitor,
> and First Aid expresses confusion that humans are at war with other
> humans. This is kind of a funny meta-commentary considering the
> Autobot-Decepticon war. (First Aid's commentary could easily mirror that
> of confused parents who are befuddled by kids' interest in this show.
> "Why are the robots always fighting each other? It doesn't make sense!")
same. He’s a pacifist who forms the arm of a giant war machine, so he may
have a few odd ideas. Dehumanizing (decybertronianizing) the enemy might
make these contradictions easier for him.
>Hot Spot establishes that the Protectobots have been asked to help the
> police in their efforts to keep the peace (the American police, I'm assuming).
assuming that these are the world police.
> If there had been an overreaching game plan for Rodimus Prime's
> development as a character, then I suppose he might have gone from
> insecure and immature to gradually owning the role as Autobot leader and
> growing to become more sure of himself. What actually happens, though,
> is he just wildly vacilates between sometimes being terribly worried and
> nervous and sometimes just bulldozing through his job regardless of how
> badly he botches it. You could watch the episodes in nearly any order,
> but it doesn't make a lot of sense, for example, for the resolution at
> the end of this episode (spoiler alert!) to precede "The Burden Hardest
> to Bear," which is arguably the toughest time he has with the leadership role.
People often don’t learn lessons the first time through, and I see no
reason why robotic people analogs would. The inconsistent writing is almost
certainly just inconsistent writing, but it hits upon how humans behave.
> There are a couple of odd things about the group of Decepticons behind
> Galvatron. For one, Predaking is absolutely massive. And has no
> discerible face. But, I think that's normal for him. Seriously, though,
> he's so large that I question how he's even standing behind the other
> Decepticons, unless he's standing in a hole in the ground that comes up
> to his chest. Even more significant than this, though, is that Octane
> has rejoined the Decepticon ranks. We know that he was banished from the
> Decepticons, as told in "Starscream's Ghost," so to see him again as an
> active member of the team is a bit strange. He's in three separate
> scenes, too, so it's not just an isolated animation mistake. (If it is a
> mistake, they made it three times in rapid succession.)
sense. This is the episode that finally got it right!
> I's mildly comical the way Galvatron, in cannon mode, has to whirl around
> to face Rodimus and Magnus after they arrive. Also, Steeljaw and Ramhorn
> get a very small role when Magnus sends them into the fray. Steeljaw is
> drawn with weird, vacant zombie eyes.
did not notice Steeljaw’s eyes.
> I like the fact that First Aid actually drives up the chest ramp leading
> into Metroplex. It's a very toyetic moment that I approve of. Kids can
> reenact this scene! Also, Blades sure is badly battered after taking a
> single shot from Galvatron. I mean, even his robot parts are damaged,
> despite the fact that he got shot in helicopter mode.
> So, here's where we get our episode title from. Galvatron is still
> taunting Rodimus, promising him that "if my current plan fails, there's
> always my... wait for it... ultimate weapon! Nothing can stand in its
> wake!" There's already something a tad peculiar about this statement.
> If he has an ultimate weapon, why isn't he using it? Why bother to
> proceed with a lesser plan when a superior, more powerful plan exists?
> First Aid is ordering Blades to get some rest (because damaged machines
> can benefit from just laying around, you know) when the intruder alert
> sounds and First Aid rushes to the scene. Slammer and Scamper are the
> first to respond, but Swindle blasts a hole in the floor and forces both
> of them to veer away.
of the other continuities?
> First Aid arrives just in time to spot Swindle stealing the
> transformation cog for Metroplex. First Aid demands that he return it,
> but Swindle just laughs in his face and opens fire. "I heard you were a
> pacifist, but I don't believe there's a Transformer who won't fight for
> his life!" he balks. Sure enough, First Aid isn't shooting back. He's
> just leaping out of the path of Swindle's blasts (all of which are making
> Galvatron-cannon sounds, incidentally) and even picking up a rock or
> something to use as a shield. Eventually, First Aid is subdued, Swindle
> gives him a few kicks for good measure ("How do you feel, mighty First
> Aid?!") and absconds with the cog.
this isn’t it. First Aid is just a chump.
> Elsewhere, Trypticon is in the ocean, playing Battleship with real
> battleships, when Swindle rejoins the Decepticons. It seems another
> banished Decepticon Triple Changer has been welcomed back to the fold,
> since Blitzwing is plainly and prominently visible among them. Now, wait
> a minute. Didn't Galvatron promise him, "You will NEVER be welcome in
> the ranks of the Decepticons again!" (emphasis mine)? This sure seems
> peculiar. All I can figure is that Galvatron is so crazy, and his mind
> is so badly-damaged, that he has no clear recollection of either
> Blitzwing or Octane's exile. They just snuck back into the Decepticon
> ranks, knowing that Galvatron was so out of touch with reality that he'd never question it.
> There's a fun scene where Swindle tries to extort Galvatron in exchange
> for the transforming cog he was sent to collect. He implies the Autobots
> would pay a lot to get the cog back, and gives Galvatron a chance to
> match that hypothetical offer. Galvatron responds with a cannon blast
> instead, warning Swindle, "Refuse me ever again, and you will not be so
> lucky." It's a short scene that doesn't really advance the plot, but
> it's so in character for Swindle that I would question his actions if he
> just turned over the cog without hesitation. It's a great character moment.
reaction from Galvatron. Swindle needs to have some other game going on,
but this isn’t it. Maybe had he installed Metroplex’s transformation cog in
himself, and given Galvatron His own inferior transformation cog?
I have no idea what that would have done. Just spitballing here.
> Now Trypticon is ready to attack Metroplex. But first, he must terrorize
> a family that is picking oranges from a tree. A young boy chastizes his
> grandfather for almost missing the orange that he picked and threw to
> him. "I miss nothing. Never have, never will," he claims, totally
> oblivious to the gigantic metallic dinosaur about to stomp them all into
> zesty citrus paste. Cue the commercial.
only half watching, but I figured he was a migrant field hand, and the
orchard owner’s kids were “helping”. Also, oranges in France/Bulgaria?
> First Aid is apologetic about not being able to stop Swindle. Well,
> specifically, he was physically *able* to stop Swindle, but he doesn't
> believe in fighting, so he just allowed the theft to happen. Rodimus is
> strangely accepting of all this, despite being super mean to the
> Protectobots earlier in the episode (not really). First Aid is a lot
> like Lifeline from G.I. Joe, who was so anti-war that he refused to so
> much as *touch* a weapon even if someone was lowering it down to him to
> lift him out of a pit of deadly snakes.
but he has to treat this one with kid gloves and walk around on egg shells.
> So, First Aid experiences a brief crisis of conscience (there's a real
> possibility that the vulnerable Metroplex may get his butt kicked when
> Trypticon arrives) until he decides the best thing for everyone is for
> him to just run away. Rodimus takes this as his cue to start waddling
> even deeper in his own misery, citing First Aid's self-imposed exile as a
> sign that he's not fit to be the leader any longer. (Maybe Rodimus
> should run away, too? Please?)
> The Protectobots try to combine into Defensor despite First Aid's
> absence. The rules in the show regarding whether this is possible seem
> to vary depending on the combiner. We've seen Devastator without an arm
> ("Five Faces of Darkness" part 1) or a head ("The Core"), but apparently
> Superion requires all Aerialbots (when Fireflight was missing in "Aerial
> Assault" they couldn't combine) and so does Predaking (when Headstrong
> couldn't transform in "Nightmare Planet" they were out of luck) and so
> does Bruticus (when Brawl was missing his personality in "B.O.T." they
> couldn't combine together). It's hard to say whether it's because the
> combined mode's personality is incomplete, or whether it's a physical
> limitation. It could also just be as simple as whether the missing guy
> forms an arm or a leg. Maybe if Groove had been the one to go off on his
> own, Defensor wouldn't have even been an option.
>
> (As I've said before, I would have loved for them to play up the
> mix-and-match aspect of the Scramble City toys in the show. What if this
> had been a story about Defensor trying to use Slingshot as an arm, only
> to find out that Slingshot's personality affected Defensor's mind? What
> if he found out that he really needed First Aid's pacifist ways to
> counter Blades' bloodthirsty fighting instinct and Streetwise's dogged
> determination and Hot Spot's never-say-die attitude?)
have especially loved a pastiche of the Serpantor origin by having
Galvatron be a combiner of the five greatest Decepticon leaders, rather
than just a rebuilt Unicronized Megatron. Starscream could have been part
of it, then gotten fired and replaced with someone else.
I love CW Cyclonus, by the way.
> Anyway, Magnus and Rodimus shoot Menasor in the back seconds before he
> tackles Defensor, allowing Defensor to catch the falling train with his
> one arm. "This would be a lot easier if First Aid was here!" he quips.
feel guilty about”
> Now that the commuter train is safe, it's time for the Aerialbots to enter the fray.
>They're at the top of their game, even if Air Raid's voice is a little off
> (Rob Paulsen is doing his Snowjob voice instead of his Raphael voice, and
> Air Raid has never sounded this gruff). Air Raid braves Trypticon's
> mouth lasers, flying right into his mouth until he's singed and has to
> crash-land in a pond. (What, no "so long, cruel world"? Isn't that what
> Aerialbots always say right before they don't die?)
>
> Silverbolt seems to think Trypticon has used up all his ammunition, so he
> takes the opportunity to fly right into the monster Decepticon's mouth.
> He flies right into his gullet and opens fire, blasting away and giving
> Trypty one hell of a case of indigestion. Silverbolt is showing
> absolutely no sign of his usual fear of heights, so maybe he's finally gotten over that.
> Galvatron calls the retreat so that Trypticon's injuries can be tended
> to, but he takes the opportunity to remind the Autobots all about this
> mysterious ultimate weapon he's got cooked up. Rodimus is more concerned
> about Metroplex's missing transforming cog. He also mentions that First
> Aid is the only Autobot who can correctly install it if they ever get it
> back. I smell plot trickery. What about Pipes? He was the one who
> installed the cog the last time this happened, in "Five Faces of
> Darkness" part 5. There are a lot of things happening in this episode
> that are not-quite-right.
months of rehab Metroplex needed. Or Pipes died offscreen. Has he been seen
after this?
> So, here's one of the oddest scenes of the episode. Rodimus and Magnus
> have been painted different colors (shades of blue and teal, mostly) and
> they've recruited Spike and Daniel Witwicky to help them. They drive
> right up to Decepticon City where Vortex is guarding the entrance.
> Apparently there are human workers helping to repair Trypticon, so to
> this end, Spike and Daniel are masquerading as a delivery crew with
> supplies. This whole scheme relies on Vortex being exceptionally stupid.
> He's required to not recognize Magnus and Rodimus, and also to not
> recognize Daniel or Spike. He's also required to not question why a
> child is being used for manual labor.
scheme. And Daniel seems larger than normal this episode. Probably some
unfortunate hormone experiment that First Aid was doing trying to fix him.
> It's super weird that the Decepticons would have employed a human repair
> crew. Like, it makes zero sense. I guess Galvatron could have enslaved
> the local populace and threatened them with death if they didn't fix his
> dinosaur, but it still just seems incredibly odd.
Bulgaria or France. If this was Carbombya, you wouldn’t question it.
> So, Vortex is not completely fooled. Not because he recognizes either of
> the Autobots, and not because he recognizes Spike or Daniel, but because
> he smells Autobot fumes (which are environmentally friendly and free of
> pollutants, incidentally).
> Vortex actually picks up Rodimus in vehicle mode, shaking the vehicle
> around and demanding that somebody finally tell him the truth. It's nice
> that Vortex finally gets to interrogate somebody, since that's his tech
> specs function and all. (I imagine his interrogations are a bit more
> effective than Laserbeak's.)
that if he cannot speak Universal English that he cannot understand it
either, and then they taunt him by telling him all their secrets. Even if
he does understand, he can’t tell anyone.
Have any Autobots seen Laserbeak transform into cassette mode and replay
conversations?
> Daniel plops right out of Rodimus' cabin window and falls over a cliff.
> Spike stares in abject horror. Not because Daniel is falling to his
> death, but because of THE SCREAM. Ultra Magnus dives for Daniel, while
> Rodimus transforms and zaps Vortex. Weirdly, the alternate paint schemes
> wear off as soon as the two Autobots transform. (As an aside, I'm
> surprised we've never gotten Takara G1 reissues, or Masterpiece redeco
> toys, in these colors.)
>
> So Magnus catches Danny in mid-fall. The boy is unharmed. Dammit. The
> kid sits there in Magnus' palm and I swear it looks like a child's head
> attached to an adult body.
experiment at all!
> So, Galvatron and the Stunticons show up, so Rodimus and Magnus serve as
> decoys to draw the Decepticons away while Spike and Daniel steal the cog.
> Trypticon's inner workings are super weird-looking. There are some
> mechanical bits, but there's also some rounded parts that are almost
> organic-looking. Spike extracts the cog and they almost manage a clean
> getaway, but Cyclonus shows up and ruins their escape.
> Spike, thinking quickly, plays it cool and acts like he's just been
> systematically checking Trypticon for problems, like any obedient human
> employee of the Decepticons, because obviously this is a thing that
> happens. Spike lays it on a little thick, muttering about grumpy robot
> employers, but it's enough to allow them to walk right past Cyclonus and
> complete their escape. Cyclonus does notice the missing cog, but by this
> point it's too late.
>
> But, let's back up for a second. We know Decepticons can recognize
> individual humans. Just to name a random example, Skywarp recognized
> Carly in "The Immobilizer" after seeing her only once previously, and
> successfully identified her as friend of the Autobots. And this is
> Skywarp we're talking about, who wasn't exactly the brightest crayon in
> the box. I find it improbable, to say the least, that Cyclonus doesn't
> know who Spike is and cannot recognize him on sight. As I said, there's
> a lot of not-quite-right in this episode.
> We see that Magnus and Rodimus must have gunned down the Stunticons,
> because Galvatron is busy chastizing them for losing the fight. He even
> goes so far as to kick Drag Strip into a tree. (I feel like Drag Strip
> should have broken the tree, but that's not really important.) Cyclonus
> shows up and reports on the unexpected theft of the cog.
> Elsewhere, we see a weird robot who may or may not be named Nul-A.
> That's what it says on his chest, anyway. He wears a New York Yankees
> baseball cap, and he's in charge of running a junkyard. First Aid has
> retreated to this junkyard to hang out with Nul-A and "chug down a few
> sips o' oil" (I wish I was making this up, but I'm not).
life in parallel because he has no idea how to go forward in time. This
adds nothing to the story.
> So, Galvatron has tried installing Metroplex's transforming cog into
> Trypticon. He conducts a test and has Trypticon try to transform, which
> he can do... somewhat unsuccessfully. His circuits are rejecting the
> foreign cog, apparently. He's standing there in dinosaur mode with one
> city tower poking out of his back, and with one of his dinosaur claws as
> a sideways helipad. (Something else interesting is that Full Tilt, who
> is normally mounted to Trypticon's chest in car mode, has disappeared
> completely.) Trypticon is largely unconcerned about this apparent
> setback. He's still ready to go attack Metroplex.
>
> There's a short scene where Rodimus concludes that since Trypticon is
> probably using Metroplex's cog, they can even the odds by installing
> Trypticon's cog in Metroplex. (I really don't like the way they draw
> Rod's head in this scene. His cranium is too big.) He's got serious
> doubts about whether he's even taking the right course of action,
> requiring Magnus to continue reassuring him. I feel like Magnus is being
> completely insincere when he's all, "Brilliant strategy, Rodimus!"
> Optimus Prime elected Ultra Magnus as the new leader of the Autobots,
> and this is what he's been reduced to? Acting as Rodimus Prime's life
> coach and babysitter?
Brilliant strategy Rodimus!”
> Back at the junkyard, First Aid is wasting his time fixing refrigerators.
> Like, literally all the refrigerators. Who throws away that many refrigerators?
> Nul-A seems happy, complaining that the place used to be so terrible
> that even Wreck-Gar would go out of his way to avoid it, but it still
> seems like a huge waste of First Aid's talents.
earth and take a tour of all the junkyards?
>First Aid seems quite proud of himself, but Hot Spot shows up and points
> out that Autobot warriors are a dime a dozen, but the Autobots only have
> one First Aid. And, you know, it's kind of true. Ratchet and Wheeljack
> are dead, and Hoist went AWOL after the end of season two (working on his
> burgeoning film career, no doubt). First Aid is really all they've got left at this point.
about the hypocrisy of helping others fight.
Really, there’s a good story about pacifism somewhere, but this ain’t it.
> Metroplex is losing the fight rather badly. In the past, he's always
> defeated Trypticon easily by just picking him up and throwing him into a
> large body of water. With one arm permanently stuck in city mode, he
> can't do that. First Aid and Hot Spot show up, and Rodimus explains the
> only way Metroplex can emerge triumphant here is if somebody climbs into
> his body and aligns the transformation cog to actually work properly.
> First Aid is pretty much okay with this. Well, hey, at least he won't
> be fighting anyone, right?
> Blades flies First Aid as close to the brawling city Transformers as
> possible. (See, this is why First Aid was so determined to make sure
> Blades got repaired. You never know when you might need a helicopter
> ride.) He climbs into a convenient access hatch in Metroplex's back,
> does some fancy stuff to the cog (while it's still rotating,
> nonetheless), and Metroplex is golden. He is able to finally complete
> his transformation to robot mode, and now it's Metroplex who's got the
> advantage. So, what's the first thing he does? He picks up Trypticon
> and throws him into a body of water. It's just this thing he does.
they were fighting. No reason for him to question his life’s choices.
> Galvatron is not so easily thwarted, and he's still making noises about
> his ultimate weapon. He produces a control box and wags it menacingly,
> threatening to activate the weapon if the Autobots don't surrender.
> Rodimus takes a second to think about this and realizes Galvatron must
> be fibbing. If he really did have this kind of weapon at his disposal,
> he wouldn't hesitate to use it. So, Rodimus calls his bluff, advancing
> confidently towards him. Okay, kids, get ready, because here comes the
> big message of the episode. Rodimus used the REAL ultimate weapon: his mind!
makes his speech, and the city behind him transforms and goes on a rampage.
> This is a cartoon written for children, but despite this, there's a huge
> difference between talking down to kids and just expecting them to follow
> along. Episodes like "Five Faces of Darkness" or "Madman's Paradise"
> don't pull any punches. They treat the audience like grown-ups and don't
> stop the narrative to give the little kids a chance to catch up. Either
> you can follow the episodes or you can't. I feel like parts of this
> episode are heavily skewed towards a much younger audience than is typical for the show.
affect anything.
> So, Galvatron retreats, leaving Trypticon to thrash and sink even deeper.
> Poor Trypty. In the aftermath, Ultra Magnus talks to Metroplex like
> he's a toddler, First Aid decides to rejoin the Autobots, and Rodimus
> delivers a speech about how all his doubts are behind him and he's
> finally ready to step up as leader. Well, at least until the next
> episode, I guess. Magnus even chimes in with a sappy moral-of-the-day
> about how "sometimes it just takes a while to realize what you've got to
> offer others," putting his hands all over Rodimus and Hot Spot in a
> really touchy-feely way. I'm honestly reminded of the He-Man and the
> Masters of the Universe episodes where Man-at-Arms or Orko or somebody
> would address the viewers directly and try to cram a heartfelt lesson
> down their little throats. It's such a sappy, forced way to end the episode.
episode so needs to turn the moral on its head.
Oh, better... First Aid responds to Galvatron’s threats by unleashing his
ultimate weapon, a gun. The moral of the story is that pacifists are
chumps, kids.
> Next month I'd like to look at "Only Human" since it's a good Springer
> episode and I'm anticipating his Siege toy will be out by then. We'll
> see if my long-term planning capability is on par with Hasbro's or not!
>
>
> Zob (fingers crossed)
>
I wish I was a lizard in your spring
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