>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>Tell me some good ones.
Instead of saying hello ask for a person. Usually the person calling me will
tell me that i have a wrong number and then hang up. A few minutes later they
call back rather annoyed with me. You can have so much fun with peoples heads.
It's lotsa fun.
Jeff
Answer the phone in your best "Phony FM DJ Voice" and say "Congratulations,
you're our 10th caller! Now for $1000 tell me who plays the best rock in <your
city> ?!" If they even attempt to guess an answer, tell them they're wrong and
hang up on them.
>bre...@cyberhighway.com wrote:
>>
>> Paul J. Higginbotham II wrote:
>> >
>> > "Bob's abortionists, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em"
>>
>> "Joe's Whorehouse, where the customer comes first"
>Joe's whorehouse "We don't give a fuck for nothing!"
--
Joe's Whorehouse, where it's a business to do pleasure
with you.
Gernot Lachner <glac...@iafrica.com> wrote in article
<N.110397....@196-31-20-161.iafrica.com>...
>
> > What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > Tell me some good ones!
>
> .. you stiff 'em we stuff 'em -
>
>
... you stab'em we slab 'em
or "Hello, City Crematorium, you kill 'em we grill 'em"
Pedro
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>Tell me some good ones!
NOSPAMming in effect in email address.
Wanna send me something, don't use SPAM
Come and check out the I Don't Know Lounge at
www.geocities.com/NapaValley/6899/idkbar.html
(or just immitate your answering machine, then say "beeeeeep", and wait).
"Steven's Mortuary.... You stab em' we slab em'"
a.j.
Kelly's woodyard...........
want a root?
I always liked:
County Abortion Clinic...you rape 'em, we scrape 'em.
liana
> > >What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > >I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > >Tell me some good ones.
>
> Answer the phone in your best "Phony FM DJ Voice" and say "Congratulations,
> you're our 10th caller! Now for $1000 tell me who plays the best rock in <your
> city> ?!" If they even attempt to guess an answer, tell them they're wrong and
> hang up on them.
>
Crisis Center...please hold!...your call is important to us,
please continue to hold...etc
Fartman
When the phone rings. pick it up but wait for the other party to speak
first. Not only is it a good way to deal with unwanted callers, but it's
interesting the reactions you get.
David
you stab 'em, we slab 'em
you slice 'em, we ice 'em
you kill 'em, we chill 'em
you burn 'em, we urn 'em
you whack 'em, we pack 'em
... what can we do for you today?
phoenix
Unleash the DOGS to respond to email
PHOENIX wrote in message <346A86AC...@earthlink.net>...
Joe Bob's Movers
You Call We Haul
If We can't Truck it
Fuck it.
ann...@net.spammers wrote in message
<647epl$c...@bgtnsc03.worldnet.att.net>...
On 7 Nov 1997 22:04:01 GMT, "Bobby Killsmith" <hend...@telus.planet.net>
wrote:
>Abortion clinic...you rape'em, we scrape'em.
>Followup line: No fetus can beat us!
---
Next door is the sperm bank - you squeeze it, we freeze it.
"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
How about you lay em we slay em.
Or no Feitus will beat us.
In our last episode of [alt.tasteless.jokes], NOSPAMd...@iwaynet.net wrote:
> Dave's Coffin Company. You just ask it; we've got the casket......
--
_.-------Commercial e-mail will be read at a cost of AUS$25 each-------.
_ // I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed |
\X/ or numbered! My life is my own. - No.6 to No.2, "The Prisoner" |
`------------Amiga Users - Someone you trust is one of us.--------------'
Jedd D Katrancha <s0jd...@atlas.vcu.edu> wrote in article =
<Pine.A32.3.95.971105...@atlas.vcu.edu>...
> here's a good one...."who the fuck is this you nasty whore"
>=20
>
>"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
>Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
Couldn't tell ya where that came from... But, there IS a bait and tackle shop
here in Western NY called "The Happy Hooker" :)
---------------------------
|< |_| |> /-\
E-Mail:ku...@mindless.com
HTTP://www.netsync.net/jtc/
---------------------------
Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote in article =
<345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?=20
Hmmm....the Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers?
--
"Qui custodiet ipsos custodes?" - Roman Senator
"Mustn't let the monkeys know you're different." - Robert A. Heinlein
"Women should be obscene and not heard." - F. J. McCraw, Jr.
>Abortion clinic, you f--k'em, we chuck'em.
>Chris
You Rape 'em, We scrape 'em... no fetus can beat us!
>Abortion clinic, you f--k'em, we chuck'em.
>Chris
HOW 'BOUT
JOE'S ABORTION CLINIC
YOU RAPE 'EM
WE SCRAPE 'EM
NO FETUS CAN BEAT US
Living off-campus at University with 5 girls we answered the
phone.."Fairfax Bakery..which tart would you like to fill"
OR
"Farifax Mortuary...you stab 'em, we slab 'em"
You stab em, we slab em.
Billy Boby Taxidermy: You Stiff'em.. We Stuff'm
ST 5
...Was she always bitchin'?
...And you want to pay back?
....we'll seal up that crack
....keep it closed with some stichin'
...Your son was into piercing?
...Scared the hell outta yo' mother?
...From one ear to the other
...We'll stick a pen, he won't feel a thing!!
...Your daughter died a virgin?
...We got a necrophiliac!
...Corps he'll suck'n'fuck
...I'll beep him, he's our surgeon
If it's to long use it on your answering machine man!!
Ganja
Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote in article =
<345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?=20
Roko wrote in message <347589...@here.now>...
>Farifax Morgue... You Kill em, we chill em!
>Farifax Cemetary... Jake? Sure, I'll just dig him up for ya!
(With recording of hysterical laughter in the background)
"Arkam Asylum for the Homicidally Insane, Dr. Caligari speaking."
(After dropping phone receiver several times)
"Precision Efficiency Experts"
Steven F. Scharff <http://bounce.to/scharff>
Remove "REMOVETHIS" to reply
SI HOC LEGERE SCIS NIMIUM ERUDITIONIS HABES
first party (picks up phone): No, come on, this call might be important.
second party: No, hang up! We've got to go! We're going to be late!
first party (puts receiver on table): Why do you have to be such an asshole?
and you can see how this might progress into quite a dramatic scene.
Depending on how far you want to take this, you can probably use firearms in
the background for sound effects, ect.
Blue Daze
Or how about:
"CIA, NSA, HAMAS, Cocaine, Kill, Clinton"
"Please speak now, two tapes are recording your call")
Regards Wolfgang
--
\------------------------------------------------\ _ ______ |
\ Wolfgang Szoecs Software Support Engineer \ /SGI\____-=0`/|0`/__|
\ Silicon Graphics GmbH, Munich / Germany \____\Munich / | / )
/ SMTP: wo...@munich.sgi.com / `/-==_____/__|/__=-|
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/------------------------------------------------/ (o)
Redistribution of this message via the Microsoft Network is prohibited
Kuda wrote:
> >I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
> >>
> >> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >> >The one that I always use is
> >> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> >> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> >> >
> >> >Pedro
> >> >
> >> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> >> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> >> >>Tell me some good ones!
> >>
> >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
>
> >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
>
> >Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
>
> Couldn't tell ya where that came from... But, there IS a bait and tackle shop
> here in Western NY called "The Happy Hooker" :)
>
> ---------------------------
> |< |_| |> /-\
> E-Mail:ku...@mindless.com
> HTTP://www.netsync.net/jtc/
> ---------------------------
>
> Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
You Bag em', when slab em'
Chucks 24hr Pool Hall and Whore House
No matter how you rack your balls, we do a better job
"I'll have two topless burgers, then"
--
All email sent to my inca address will bounce, however I can now be
contacted via an intermediary : gem at tos pl net. I would like to
apologise to the genuine respondents that this may inconvenience.
--
Quote For The Month:
"Keep your feet on the stars, and keep reaching for the ground"
(Brian Henson, "Talk Soup", Tuesday 9:00 on TV4)
I'll have the "sheepherder special"--a glass of water and a little
piece of ewe.
>
>Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote in article =
><345DB4...@alphalink.com.au>...
>> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?=20
>> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
>> Tell me some good ones!
>>
"Hello"
You suck raw shit through a straw. stop posting in alt.guitar.
viking20 @ nospam hotmail . com
Vanilla Gorilla
HAHAHA.
That was _the_ funniest phone saying I have ever heard.
(Must use that on my answerphone - it'll have everyone laughing _so_ much)
--
All email sent to my inca address will fail, however I can now be
I called this girl's house (knew her vaguely)
Me: Can I speak to Cyril please?
Girl: Sorry, no one called Cyril here
Me: Thanks
5-10 mins later I ring again using phoney voice
Me: Can I speak to Cyril please?
Girl: No one here by that name
Me: OK
5-10 mins later using another phoney voice
Me: Hi, is Cyril there?
Girl: No one called Cyril here.
Me: Oh, I see. Thank you.
10 mins later I phone up again.
Me: Hello, Cyril speaking. Have there been any messages for me?
MH - Swiss cheese
I used to do this all the time. It was one of the funniest jokes you
could ever imagine. Great one, try it.
>
>
> Kuda wrote:
>
> > >I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
> > >>
> > >> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
> > >> wrote:
> > >>
> > >> >The one that I always use is
> > >> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> > >> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> > >> >
> > >> >Pedro
> > >> >
> > >> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
> > >> >
> > >> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > >> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > >> >>Tell me some good ones!
> > >>
> > >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
> >
> > >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
> >
> > >Let's see who remembers where THAT came from ...
> >
> > Couldn't tell ya where that came from... But, there IS a bait and tackle shop
> > here in Western NY called "The Happy Hooker" :)
> >
> > ---------------------------
> > |< |_| |> /-\
> > E-Mail:ku...@mindless.com
> > HTTP://www.netsync.net/jtc/
> > ---------------------------
> >
> > Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English?
>
> You Bag em', when slab em'
>
>
>
How about: you kill 'em, we chill 'em.
C/4C LUKE SMITH
CHARLIE FLIGHT
"We Come, We See, We Conquer"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You can't win.
You can't break even.
You can't even get out of the game.
The three laws of thermodynamics.
Cast not a shadow upon this frail earth, lest my vengeance be required of
thee.
ALLS well that ends well.
I don't eat meat in DAKA any more: it might be someone I know.
Me.
There are no losers, only winners who let others celebrate victory.
Me.
> > Kuda wrote:
> --snip--
> > > >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
> > >
> > > >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
--Dozens of other messages snipped--
won ton's sushi bar and bait shop......
..where todays bait is tommorrows
sushi...............................................
Luke wrote:
>
> On 29 Nov 1997, DeLong wrote:
>
> >
> >
> > Kuda wrote:
> >
> > > >I'm...@my.wits.end wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> In article <646rhb$d...@snews3.zippo.com>, NOSPAMp...@geocities.com
> > > >> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> >The one that I always use is
> > > >> >Mac's Massage, we get paid, you get laid, may I help you?
> > > >> >FYI, massage parlors on Guam are our local whore houses.
> > > >> >
> > > >> >Pedro
> > > >> >
> > > >> >Anarchy <hipl...@alphalink.com.au> wrote:
> > > >> >
> > > >> >>What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> > > >> >>I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> > > >> >>Tell me some good ones!
> > > >>
> > > >> "Holly's Happy Hooker Haven...Harold here"
> > >
> > > >"Fat Freddy's Topless Burger & Massage, can I help you?"
> > >
--
__________________ ______ __
___ ____/___ __ \___ //_/
__ __/ __ /_/ /__ ,<
_ /___ _ _, _/ _ /| |
/_____/ /_/ |_| /_/ |_|
James Cannon wrote:
> Here's one....
> "Uptown Abortion... You rape em, We scrape em!!"
And don't forget the closing "No Fetus can Beat Us!"
you are all sick and twisted
>
>you are all sick and twisted
Thank you. Got any little kids for sale?
--
Keith E.
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.
Keith Ehrle wrote in message <34fbdb72...@news.voyager.net>...
>On Sun, 01 Mar 1998 10:36:17 -0600, "jon brown" <bro...@brookings.net>
>wrote:
>
>>
>>you are all sick and twisted
>
>Thank you. Got any little kids for sale?
>
How much for ze leettle girls???
> >>you are all sick and twisted
> >
> >Thank you. Got any little kids for sale?
> >
>
> How much for ze leettle girls???
whatta colour do yo like ?
black - R 50.00
brown - R 100.00
white - R1000.00 (them little bugger be becoming seldom on da
streets now)
virgins (any colour) - out of stock.
--
sciathán leathair ~..~
Gimme a dozen. Six, four and two. Under five years old, please. I
don't want anything with lotsa wear and tear, either.
Keith Ehrle <kei...@bigfoot.com> wrote in article
<34fbdb72...@news.voyager.net>...
> On Sun, 01 Mar 1998 10:36:17 -0600, "jon brown" <bro...@brookings.net>
> wrote:
>
> >
> >you are all sick and twisted
>
> The scary part is that's my best two qualities
>
At the time of my initial training, we were supposed to answer the phone by
saying, "Thank you for calling AT&T! How can I provide you with excellent
service?"
I'm not kidding... this was back in1990!
Did the constant drilling of this phrase work? We had to make an effort NOT to
say it when we answered our home phones (Although it was a gas when MCI or
SPRINT called us!)
I knew they had drilled it into us too well, when one morning, about 3 AM, I
sat up with a start, looked at my wife and said, in a panic, "Thank you for
calling AT&T! How can I provide YOU with EXCELLENT service?"
I won't say what the excellent service was that she made me provide her... but
she wasn't all that bad, either!
Pastor SWIGGY Church of SPAM Warren OH & WWW
http://www.grapevinenet.com/swiggy/
Prodigy Services. Comedy B B, Mem Rep
==================================================
| ,dP""8a "888888b, d8b "888b ,888" |
| 88b " 888 d88 dPY8b 88Y8b ,8888 |
| `"Y8888a 888ad8P' dPaaY8b 88 Y88P 888 |
| a, Y88 888 dP Y8b 88 YP 888 |
| `"8ad8P' a888a a88a; *a888aa88a a888a |
==================================================
whirled wide website
http://www.grapevinenet.com/swiggy
And the holy man was sent out into the desert for
to seek his lord. Instead he fried his brains like
SPAM in a skillet!
==================================================
Pastor SWIGGY answers all theological questions
concerning the ALMIGHTY SPAM. Write yours today!
==================================================
Peace and may God go with you on whatever path you
choose. Because my pathway to God may not be yours!
==================================================
Check out The JOKE-A-THON page
http://www.grapevinenet.com/swiggy/joke
I'm sorry - I don't get it - that's the way I always answer the phone,
except I don't work for AT&T, which does cause some confusion at times
--
John Hopkin
"Heaven, God Speaking!"
"Thank you for dialing Hell, Lucifer speaking. Who in Hell do you want?"
"Microsoft Corporation, Bill Gates speaking."
"Republican Conspiracy Committee, this is Ken Starr! How may I help you?"
-- Derek Cashman (cas...@yahoo.com)
-- Editor; Wrecked Humor Collection
-- http://www.concentric.net/~dcashman/humor
> I'm sorry - I don't get it - that's the way I always answer the phone,
> except I don't work for AT&T, which does cause some confusion at times
When I was in the Navy, just after I got out of boot camp, I would have to
stand watch at the Quarterdeck of the base. While on duty I had to answer
the phone like this:
"Good (morning/afternoon/etc), Seaman Apprentice Satan speaking. Thank
you for the calling the Fleet AntiSubmarine Warfare Training Center
Pacific. This is a non secure line. Can I help you, sir or ma'am?"
Now, considering that the line rang once or twice a minute and I had to
stand watch for four fucking hours, let me tell you this sucked ass.
Fucking military.
Buck
--
"Golf. It's like watching flies fuck."
-- George Carlin
> Actually, I rather like these:
>
> "Heaven, God Speaking!"
>
> "Thank you for dialing Hell, Lucifer speaking. Who in Hell do you want?"
>
> "Microsoft Corporation, Bill Gates speaking."
>
> "Republican Conspiracy Committee, this is Ken Starr! How may I help you?"
"Walt Disney Abortion Clinic - We bring out the kid in you!"
It would have scarred the Hell out of Folks if you didn't have to use your
rank... "Good Morning, Satan Speaking! Thank you for calling hell!"
I read this on somebody's sig file a while back,
Incontenance hot line, could you please hold!
FLETCH
--
Note: to reply by e-mail, remove " .nospam " from my
address. FLETCH
> What would be some good answers to say on the phone?
> I'll start it off... "Hello, city morgue..."
> Tell me some good ones!
.. you stiff 'em we stuff 'em -
do a search on the subject, the thread was recently sucked dry
..
--
the BAT ~..~
..howz 'bout: 'hello mabels whorehouse, where
the customer always comes first'.........................
City Morgue:
You stab 'em, we slab 'em.
You kill 'em, we chill 'em.
You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em.
"Joe's Whorehouse, where the customer comes first"
Thank you for calling the alzeheimer's research uumm, uhhh
And for the Star Trek fans....
Enterprise... Kirk here
Hello, I'd like to order a pepperoni pizza please.
(this blows people's minds)
Hello, Netherhells day care center, you breed 'em, we lead 'em.
Hi, Lisi and Tara's Amputation clinic and bakery. We have a special
today on ladyfingers.
Angel
Hello, wrong number!
Hello, Vulcan Central Command!
Hello, Altar of Sin!
Hello, House of Satan, Lucifer speaking!
Speak!
and my own,
Hello, House of Evil!
It gets interesting when people's parents call :)
---
jOANNE wOJTYSIAK joa...@cs.ualberta.ca
nECROMANCER
You don't take LSD to expand your consciousness.
You take it to turn your toaster into a home entertainment centre.
In French (but you might get it):
answer the phone saying: "- Sardine !"
caller: "Allo ???"
"Mais non, à l'huile..."
OK, not really tasteless...
---------------------------------
Guillaume "Kill Your TV" Dargaud
http://sung3.ifsi.rm.cnr.it/~dargaud/Humor/QuotesSexual.html#Sex
"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous and the expense
damnable." — Earl of Chesterfield about sex
Or "Wolf's Abortion Clinic. YOu rape 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us!"
or "House of Lords; God speaking..."
Richard Sparrow <rspa...@ipa.net> wrote in article
<346223...@ipa.net>...
> carman ryan elijah wrote:
> >
> > Trajectory Sperm Bank, you squirt 'em we insert 'em.
> >
> > On Mon, 3 Nov 1997, Anarchy wrote:<snip>
> Hello city pound...you tag them or we snag them...
>
> Hello Jakes Bird Santuary...they tweet or their meat...
>
>
> On Thu, 6 Nov 1997, Richard Sparrow wrote:
>
"Suicide hotline - hold please..."
--
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
[Devo] Remembers F.o.C. on 8-Track!
[G.W.] REVEL IN THE DIVINE RADIANT GLORY !!!
[Gary] CdB...@Worldnet.ATT.Net
http://home.att.net/~cdbd3rd/home.html