CONFUCIUS JOKES NEEDED BADLY !!!
New Age dude
Ahoy there !
Give us a list of Confucius say jokes... com'on !
--
Nuno A. G. Bandeira - Chemistry undg., IST Lisbon
* JARRE, V/\NGELIS, ENYA, OLDFIELD *
--
ChairMan
New Age dude wrote in message ...
Confucius Say:
Secretary not permanent until screwed on desk.
Naked man fears no pick pocket.
Man who masturbate only screwing himself.
The hand that turneth the knob opens the door.
Best way to prevent hangover is to stay drunk.
Man trapped in sewer eat shit and die.
He who eats crackers in bed get crummy sleep.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into his own hands.
He who chases cars will soon get exhausted.
Wise man never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
He who sniffs coke drowns.
Man who piss into wind get wet.
Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons
Never eat yellow snow.
Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train likely
to end up with splitting headache.
He who lives in glass house dresses in basement.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit.
Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time.
A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.
Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be
shiftless bastard.
Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!!
Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
Butcher who back into meat grinder get a little behind in his orders.
Elevator smell different to midget.
Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.
He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
He who sleep with itchy bum, he will wake with smelly thumb.
He who stands in corner with hands in pocket doesn't feel crazy, feels nuts.
He who stands on toilet seat is high on pot; and he who sniffs Coke, drowns.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get A flat miner.
Man who put face in punchbowl get punch in nose.
Man who screws near graveyard is fucking near dead.
Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
Man with an unchecked parachute will jump to conclusion.
Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
Woman who fly upside down have hairy crackup.
Woman who put detergent on top shelf jump for Joy.
"Man with one chopstick go hungry."
"Man who go to bed with diarrhea wake up in deep shit."
"Man trapped in sewer eat shit and die."
"Hockey player on ice have big stick."
"Man who go to McDonald's eat out stinky meat."
"Penis put in vacuum cleaner get sucked off."
"Man who pull out too soon get hit in rear end."
"Priest with dick in snow like cold one before mass."
"Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails."
"Man who paints on toilet door is a shithouse painter."
"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."
"Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam."
"Man who eat many prunes get good run for money."
"Virgin like balloon. One prick, all gone."
"Man with hand in pocket is having a ball."
"Baseball is wrong. Man with four balls cannot walk!"
"Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it."
"Man with no legs bums around."
"A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose."
"Man who smoke pot choke on handle."
"It is Ok for shit to happen. Shit will decompose."
"Man who put head on Rail Road track to listen for train
likely to end up with splitting headache."
"Is good to learn how to masturbate, may come in handy!"
"Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
"Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary."
"Man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink."
"Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!"
"Man who sit on tack get point!"
"Man who fart in church sit in his own pew!"
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day!"
****************************************
" The angle of the dangle depends on the heat of the meat
and the mass of the ass."
Net Ninja
In article <Pine.OSF.3.96.98060...@alfa.ist.utl.pt>,
New Age dude <l41...@alfa.ist.utl.pt> writes
>
>
>Give us a list of Confucius say jokes... com'on !
>
(viagra)
confucius say, when driving never take your wifes mother
these are crap, someone come up with others, that are good
--
Net Ninja
starfish
In article <JlahdUAr...@mccooey.demon.co.uk>, Net Ninja
<Ninj...@mccooey.demon.co.uk> writes:
How about...
When driving with wifes mother, don't take pill that makes things harder...
*<><
twe...@network-one.com
confucius say, "man who stand on toilet, high on pot"
New Age dude wrote:
> Ahoy there !
>
> Give us a list of Confucius say jokes... com'on !
>
ak
On Wed, 03 Jun 1998, New Age dude <l41...@alfa.ist.utl.pt> wrote in <35763900.245C33F6@network-
one.com>:
>confucius say, "man who stand on toilet, high on pot"
>
>New Age dude wrote:
>
>> Ahoy there !
>>
>> Give us a list of Confucius say jokes... com'on !
>>
Man with bent prick does not shoot straight.
Gu...@my-dejanews.com
In article <6l8dqq$bll$1...@supernews.com>,
Man who lose key to girlfriend's appartment no get nookey.
-----== Posted via Deja News, The Leader in Internet Discussion ==-----
http://www.dejanews.com/ Now offering spam-free web-based newsreading
roachk...@webtv.net
10sejed
elevators smell differently to midgets...stenographer not permanent
fixture until screwed on desk....man who lay woman on hill not on
level...woman who fly airplane upside down have crack up.....man who
farts in church is sitting on pew....woman who sleeps with judge gets
honorable discharge........
The Puddies
Confucius say baseball very silly game. How can man walk with four balls?!
Keith Ehrle
On 8 Jun 1998 14:05:35 GMT, "The Puddies"
<pud...@frontiernet.net> wrote:
>
>Confucius say baseball very silly game. How can man walk with four balls?!
>
Proudly.
--
Keith E.
Veni, Vidi, Verdi
zwa...@tacos.caltech.edu
" In article <Pine.OSF.3.96.98060...@alfa.ist.utl.pt>,
" New Age dude <l41...@alfa.ist.utl.pt> writes
" >
" >
" >Give us a list of Confucius say jokes... com'on !
Confuscious say
1. Woman who goes to mans apartment for snack, get's tit-bit.
2. Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
3. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
4. Man who kisses girl's behind, gets crack in face.
5. Woman who spend too much time on bedspring may have offspring.
6. Passionate kiss like spider web--lead to undoing of fly.
7. Man who sucks nipples makes clean breast of things.
8. Man with holes in pockets feels cocky all day.
9. Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
10. Man who fight with wife all day get no peace at night.
11. He who fishes in other mans well often catches crabs.
12. He who plays with self, pulls boner.
13. Boy who go to bed with sex problem, wake up with solution in hand.
14. Virginity like balloon--one prick, all gone.
15. Girl who douches with vinegar walks around with sour puss.
16. Girls should not marry basketball players--they dribble before they shoot.
17. Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
18. Man who marry girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
19. Girl who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
20. Man who farts in church, sits in own pew.
21. Baby conceived in back seat of car with automatic transition, grow up
to be shiftless bastard.
22. Man who sit on jelly roll have rear end in jam.
23. Man standing on toilet is high on pot.
24. Man with hot rod get burnt rubber.
25. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
26. Woman does not become permanent fixture in office until screwed on desk.
27. Foolish man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
28. Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot dirty housekeeper.
29. Woman who fly upside down in airplane have crack-up.
30. Man who leave navy leave best friends behind.
31. Baseball all wrong, man with four balls can't walk.
32. Man who live in glass house dress in basement.
33. Women who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
34. A girls best asset is her liability.
35. Support bacteria--it's the only culture some people have.
36. He who run behind car get exhausted.
37. He who eat jellybean fart in technicolor.
38. Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
39. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
40. Squirrel who runs up womans legs not find nuts.
41. Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloon.
42. Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
43. Man who sit on upturned tack shall surely rise.
44. Even the greatest of whales is helpless in desert.
45. Man who puts hand on knob, opens the door.
46. Man who sneezes without hanky, takes matter into his own hands.
47. Man who is jacking into a peanut butter jar is fucking nuts.
48. He who wash face in morning, neck at night.
49. Man who walk through airport door sideways is goung to Bangkok.
50. Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have shitty time.
51. Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent.
52. He who put head on railroad track get splitting headache.
53. He who pull out fast, leave rubber behind.
54. He who refuses to listen is lying.
55. He who outruns cheetah is fucking fast on feet.
56. He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's
dinner table without the subject coming up.
57. There is no such thing as rape, woman run faster with skirt up than
man
with pants down.
58. When lady say no, she mean maybe, when lady say maybe, she mean yes,
when lady say yes, she no lady.
--
To email me, delete the first character in my email header
Member, "Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy"
--------------/
----------\ \ Gun Control Is Being Able
\/_\ \ To Hit Your Target
\ \
\___\
CheechWizard
In article <357c373c...@news.voyager.net>, kei...@bigfoot.com (Keith Ehrle) wrote:
>On 8 Jun 1998 14:05:35 GMT, "The Puddies"
><pud...@frontiernet.net> wrote:
>
>>
>>Confucius say baseball very silly game. How can man walk with four balls?!
>>
>
>Proudly.
>