Sad thoughts from a sleepless night
kalen...@my-deja.com
social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this wasted
energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks. Makes
me so damn angry!
K.M.
Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
Before you buy.
Brian
kalen...@my-deja.com wrote:
> Has anyone out there ever grieved over what they've lost because of
> social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this wasted
> energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks. Makes
> me so damn angry!
>
> K.M.
>
that SP has held me back in my professional life. When I think of the
goals and aspirations I had when I was in junior high and high school
(some of which were unrealistic, some were not), it kind of bums me
out, because I always pictured myself having accomplished more by now
at 29 years of age.
Brian
clj
Yeah, I did when I was younger but strangely now as *so* much water has
passed under the bridge that it doesn't worry me that much anymore. (I
guess I've gained acceptance)
Jake
<kalen...@my-deja.com> wrote
> Has anyone out there ever grieved over what they've lost because of
> social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this wasted
> energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks. Makes
> me so damn angry!
>
> K.M.
>
>
> Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> Before you buy.
* Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion Network *
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fearfull
younger it really didn't bother me as much but as I get older I realize
that life has passed me by and I was unable to stop it and get on.It is
hard not to think about it.We deal with this on a daily basis.
Sylvain Van der Walde
Sad thoughts from a sleepless night
> Has anyone out there ever grieved over what they've lost because of
> social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this wasted
> energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks. Makes
> me so damn angry!
> K.M.
K.M.
*Need you ask?* :)
Sylvain.
(A gentleman from London, England, UK).
swa...@swalde.u-net.com
Sylvain Van der Walde
Re: Sad thoughts from a sleepless night
> Yes, I think about lost oportunities now more than ever.When I was
> younger it really didn't bother me as much but as I get older I realize
*********
> that life has passed me by and I was unable to stop it and get on.It is
**************************
> hard not to think about it.We deal with this on a daily basis.
Lynn (is it?).
Yes, life has *definitely* passed me by.:(
Gray
>What I'd really like to do is teach. Can you imagine that
> - a
> social phobic in front of a class teaching?!
Yes, I can imagine it, because I do it! The first year was really
tough; I handled it by overpreparing for each class, using tons of
notes, and by staring at the back wall while I talked. But I got
better at it, and now I love it.
The thing that's different about it (for me) is that the situation is
not competitive. As the teacher, you know far more about the subject
than anyone else in the room, and none of the students have any
authority over you.
Weirdly, I now feel less stress teaching a class than I do taking one.
I think teachers also grow to love their students, and that's a social
connection that gives me a lot of strength.
Go to college!
Gray
kalen...@my-deja.com
Brian <brim...@my-deja.com> wrote:
> In article <86blic$cth$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>,
> kalen...@my-deja.com wrote:
> > social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this
wasted
> > energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> > opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks.
Makes
> > me so damn angry!
> >
> > K.M.
> >
> that SP has held me back in my professional life. When I think of the
> goals and aspirations I had when I was in junior high and high school
> (some of which were unrealistic, some were not), it kind of bums me
> out, because I always pictured myself having accomplished more by now
> at 29 years of age.
>
> Brian
Yep, my own bouts of depression have everything to do with my inability
to overcome this thing. Unless I stay home and vegetate, I'm always
having to fight it. I remember what a torture school was when I was a
kid, and that's what kept me out of college till I was 25. Now I want to
go back. What I'd really like to do is teach. Can you imagine that - a
social phobic in front of a class teaching?!
K.M.
Ollie
wrote:
> Has anyone out there ever grieved over what they've lost because of
> social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this wasted
> energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks. Makes
> me so damn angry!
Well, yeah, obviously.
Ollie
Brian
> Yep, my own bouts of depression have everything to do with my
inability
> to overcome this thing. Unless I stay home and vegetate, I'm always
> having to fight it. I remember what a torture school was when I was a
> kid, and that's what kept me out of college till I was 25. Now I want
to
> go back. What I'd really like to do is teach. Can you imagine that - a
> social phobic in front of a class teaching?!
>
> K.M.
Good luck with school. Actually, I've thought that I wouldn't mind
teaching college courses, but then, I'd have to get through graduate
school!
Brian
kalen...@my-deja.com
"Sylvain Van der Walde" <swa...@swalde.u-net.com> wrote:
> kalen_marly <kalen...@my-deja.com> wrote on 22-Jan-00 07:17:40:
>
> > social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this
wasted
> > energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> > opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks.
Makes
> > me so damn angry!
>
>
> K.M.
> *Need you ask?* :)
>
Not really. I kinda figured it was a rhetorical question here, but I
threw it out there anyway. The weight of this constant struggle seemed
like too much to bear at one in the morning, and I wanted someone -
anyone - to know it! Right afterwards I did some searching on the web
for treatments that are available now, and that gave me a little peace
of mind. That, and a glass of wine! :-)
I'm finally going to seek some help. Hope you don't mind, but I did a
couple minutes poking around at your posts, and I see you're on Panax.
You're pleased with the results overall? Have you tried any other meds
or treatments? CBT? The only meds I've ever tried are Wellbutrin, and
some herbal stuff. The Wellbutrin was prescribed for PMS symptoms, but
it does take the edge off some of my social anxiety which is always ten
times worse just before my periods. I did try going on it on a daily
basis for about six months, but I quickly built up a tolerance to the
dose I was on. Plus I had no appetite, and I'm thin to begin with.
People were starting turn concerned eyes on me and hint around about
anorexia.
BTW, I envy you your home across the sea! I had my first chance to roam
around in England last May, and the ten days went by too fast. It was
only a teaser!
K.M.
kalen...@my-deja.com
fearfull <lynn77N...@mb.sympatico.ca.invalid> wrote:
> Yes, I think about lost oportunities now more than ever.When I was
> younger it really didn't bother me as much but as I get older I
realize
is
>
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>
>
You sound so melancholy - it's hard for me to find a reply that doesn't
come off as trite. All I can think of to say is a heartfelt "sorry", and
a wish that I could turn back the clock, for you, and for me. I'd give
anything to have the chance to reclaim so many lost opportunities.
What you said about life passing you by really struck a chord with me -
I'm just now coming to the realization that my life isn't someday going
to really get started. If this would happen, or that would happen, then
I'd have a life. Nope, this is it. This IS my life.
fearfull
focusing on the past,what should have been and what I have not done to
make it happen.I see everybody lives moving ahead and I just can't seem
to get passed the past..
kalen...@my-deja.com
much good. Just gives it a more solid life of its own. I am better at
getting on with things than when I was younger, too. But only up to a
certain point - within the parameters I've set for myself. I think it's
time for me to get mad enough to break out of that. Light a little fire
under my butt!!
K.M.
In article <03000ec8...@usw-ex0101-006.remarq.com>,
clj <Jakescop...@aol.com.invalid> wrote:
>
> Yeah, I did when I was younger but strangely now as *so* much water
has
> passed under the bridge that it doesn't worry me that much anymore. (I
> guess I've gained acceptance)
>
> Jake
>
> <kalen...@my-deja.com> wrote
>
> > Has anyone out there ever grieved over what they've lost because of
> > social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this
wasted
> > energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
> > opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks.
Makes
> > me so damn angry!
> >
> > K.M.
> >
> >
> > Sent via Deja.com http://www.deja.com/
> > Before you buy.
>
> * Sent from RemarQ http://www.remarq.com The Internet's Discussion
Network *
> The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet -
Free!
>
>
R2D2
stage, all that shakin' and sweatin'!
I missed promotion... there's a practical exercise involved and of course,
you're monitored...
My SP won't even let me ride a bike or motor bike... too nervous.
"I hope I die before I get old" - Pete Townshend
kalen...@my-deja.com
Gray <graye_os...@ionet.net.invalid> wrote:
> In article <86dloh$n4q$1...@nnrp1.deja.com>, kalen...@my-deja.com
wrote:
> > - a
> > social phobic in front of a class teaching?!
>
> tough; I handled it by overpreparing for each class, using tons of
> notes, and by staring at the back wall while I talked. But I got
> better at it, and now I love it.
>
> The thing that's different about it (for me) is that the situation is
> not competitive. As the teacher, you know far more about the subject
> than anyone else in the room, and none of the students have any
> authority over you.
>
> Weirdly, I now feel less stress teaching a class than I do taking one.
> I think teachers also grow to love their students, and that's a social
> connection that gives me a lot of strength.
>
> Go to college!
>
> Gray
>
Network *
> The fastest and easiest way to search and participate in Usenet -
Free!
>
>
Thanks for posting, Gray - I'm inspired! What level do you teach? I'd
like to aim for a spot in a community college, myself.
When I think of actually taking on that kind of responsibility, though,
I find myself getting caught up in this stupid script over and over
again. "What if this?" or "How will you ever handle that?" I worry about
things like confrontations with students who are unhappy with their
grades, or critical administrators who are watching over my shoulder.
I've only made it through two years of college so far, so my worrying is
a little premature. I did have some great experiences that put me in
front of study groups or even whole classes, but they were just one-shot
deals. Am I up to the challenge of whole semesters in front of the same
people?
Did you torture yourself with stuff like this before you got started? If
so, how did you overcome it?
Sylvain Van der Walde
Re: Sad thoughts from a sleepless night
> In article <516.56T2573T1...@swalde.u-net.com>,
> "Sylvain Van der Walde" <swa...@swalde.u-net.com> wrote:
>> kalen_marly <kalen...@my-deja.com> wrote on 22-Jan-00 07:17:40:
>> Sad thoughts from a sleepless night
>> > Has anyone out there ever grieved over what they've lost because of
>> > social phobia? How different life could be without it? All this
>> > wasted energy, trying to work around it, make allowances for it. All the
>> > opportunities I've passed up because it stalled me in my tracks.
>> > Makes me so damn angry!
>> > K.M.
>> K.M.
>> *Need you ask?* :)
>> Sylvain.
> Not really. I kinda figured it was a rhetorical question here, but I
> threw it out there anyway. The weight of this constant struggle seemed
> like too much to bear at one in the morning, and I wanted someone -
> anyone - to know it! Right afterwards I did some searching on the web
> for treatments that are available now, and that gave me a little peace
**************
> of mind. That, and a glass of wine! :-)
*******
K.M.
That's what I value most now: *Peace of mind.* I never really experienced it
before.
> I'm finally going to seek some help.
A very good decision.
> Hope you don't mind, but I did a
> couple minutes poking around at your posts, and I see you're on Panax.
I'm on *Paroxetine.* (Seroxat in the UK, and Paxil in the US).
> You're pleased with the results overall?
Yes. It's *treating* my anxiety, depression, and SP.
> Have you tried any other meds or treatments?
You don't get to "try" meds. in the UK. You take what you're prescribed
(that's my experience anyway). I took Lofepramine (a "newer" TCA) for many
years. My opinion in retrospect, was that it was barely satisfactory. I was
prescribed Paxil (when the other med. stopped working altogether) and was
truly amazed by its efficacy. This is what led me to investigate this med.
on the Internet, which eventually also led me to this support group, nearly
two years ago.
> CBT?
I wanted therapy but couldn't get it, from our underfunded NHS (National
Health Service).
> The only meds I've ever tried are Wellbutrin, and
> some herbal stuff. The Wellbutrin was prescribed for PMS symptoms, but
> it does take the edge off some of my social anxiety which is always ten
> times worse just before my periods. I did try going on it on a daily
> basis for about six months, but I quickly built up a tolerance to the
> dose I was on. Plus I had no appetite, and I'm thin to begin with.
> People were starting turn concerned eyes on me and hint around about
> anorexia.
> BTW, I envy you your home across the sea! I had my first chance to roam
> around in England last May, and the ten days went by too fast. It was
> only a teaser!
*The grass is always greener on the other side of the street". :) Many
people would like to go to the USA.
> K.M.
Gray
Hi. You sound EXACTLY like me before I started teaching; I had all of
the same thoughts.
I'm teaching college freshmen right now, while I'm writing my
dissertation (which I should be working on right this second, of
course). Once I'm done with that I'll be teaching all levels at some
four year college.
>When I think of actually taking on that kind of responsibility, though,
>I find myself getting caught up in this stupid script over and over
>again. "What if this?" or "How will you ever handle that?" I worry about
>things like confrontations with students who are unhappy with their
>grades, or critical administrators who are watching over my shoulder.
Yep! I dealt with this partially by acting a part--I pretended I was
Mr Outgoing Teacher, and over time I grew so used to it that it became
almost not an act at all. I still have doubts inside, but I feel that
I'm a good teacher. Upset students and nosey administrators--well,
those still bother me. But realize that you will spend only a tiny
tiny fraction of your time dealing with those two.
>I've only made it through two years of college so far, so my worrying is
>a little premature. I did have some great experiences that put me in
>front of study groups or even whole classes, but they were just one-shot
>deals. Am I up to the challenge of whole semesters in front of the same
>people?
That's for you to decide. The thing about being in front of the same
group of people is that as time goes by you grow to like each other
and to relax with them.
If you settle on teaching, you should consider getting your master's
degree. You'd need one to teach at a community college. I wouldn't
particularly recommend going all the way for a doctorate--it's very
stressful and competitive at this level, though it may be less so in
areas other than mine.
Gray
kalen...@my-deja.com
ergr...@hotmail.com wrote:
> kalen...@my-deja.com wrote:
>
> Hi. You sound EXACTLY like me before I started teaching; I had all of
> the same thoughts.
I doubt myself, despite the fact that I maintained a 4.0 average, worked
in the writing lab, all while caring for two small children at home
(yes, I am blowing my own horn here!)
So why don't I think I can handle it? Because I remember the incredible
strain it put me under, the times I felt like my whole life was falling
apart, and the relief I felt when I had that degree in hand (allbeit
just the two-year variety.) A lot of factors prevented me from
continuing then, but exhaustion played a major part in the decision.
>
> I'm teaching college freshmen right now, while I'm writing my
> dissertation (which I should be working on right this second, of
> course). Once I'm done with that I'll be teaching all levels at some
> four year college.
Good luck!
I worry
about
> >things like confrontations with students who are unhappy with their
> >grades, or critical administrators who are watching over my shoulder.
>
> Yep! I dealt with this partially by acting a part--I pretended I was
> Mr Outgoing Teacher, and over time I grew so used to it that it became
> almost not an act at all.
So the "act" might actually become a fit eventually? Whenever I had to
lead a group, or even just sit in on one, I'd make sure to put on my
best front. I was always so loaded with coffee that the problem wasn't
figuring out what to say. It was figuring out when to shut up! Some of
my best college experiences were in those groups. But then, when it was
over, I'd just about collapse with what the effort had cost me.
> > Am I up to the challenge of whole semesters in front of the
same
> >people?
>
> That's for you to decide. The thing about being in front of the same
> group of people is that as time goes by you grow to like each other
> and to relax with them.
That's what I'd like the confidence to do - just get up there and be
relaxed and natural. I imagine it wouldn't be so damn exhausting then!
>
> If you settle on teaching, you should consider getting your master's
> degree. You'd need one to teach at a community college.
Most definitely. I cut out a "professors wanted" ad that the local
community college had in the weekly shopper. I keep it hanging around
for inspiration. I'm in a difficult situation at the moment - the
closest four-year college is two hours away - but that could change this
year. Or I may have to rely on distance education, but I'm afraid a
degree earned that way wouldn't carry the credibility that a traditional
degree does.
I wouldn't
> particularly recommend going all the way for a doctorate--it's very
> stressful and competitive at this level, though it may be less so in
> areas other than mine.
What area, if you don't mind my asking? I lean toward the sciences -
anthropology especially.
Thanks for the reply. It really helps to be able to air these concerns!
Gray
>I doubt myself, despite the fact that I maintained a 4.0 average, worked
>in the writing lab, all while caring for two small children at home
>(yes, I am blowing my own horn here!)
Yep, sounds like me. My papers always got the highest grades in the
class, and one prof told me my paper was the best one he'd ever
gotten. So there's no rational reason for my (your) doubts. On the
plus side, at least we recognize our doubts as irrational; imagine if
we saw them as rational--that'd be psychotic!
>So why don't I think I can handle it? Because I remember the incredible
>strain it put me under, the times I felt like my whole life was falling
>apart, and the relief I felt when I had that degree in hand (allbeit
>just the two-year variety.) A lot of factors prevented me from
>continuing then, but exhaustion played a major part in the decision.
Yes, that's how I feel right now. Exhausted and stressed beyond
belief. You might want to take steps to deal with the SP now, so you
don't fall into that situation again.
>So the "act" might actually become a fit eventually? Whenever I had to
>lead a group, or even just sit in on one, I'd make sure to put on my
>best front. I was always so loaded with coffee that the problem wasn't
>figuring out what to say. It was figuring out when to shut up! Some of
>my best college experiences were in those groups. But then, when it was
>over, I'd just about collapse with what the effort had cost me.
Well, you did it, and that's great. Be aware that you will probably
always have to make more effort than an "ordinary" person.
>That's what I'd like the confidence to do - just get up there and be
>relaxed and natural. I imagine it wouldn't be so damn exhausting then!
No, it's not. I taught tonight, and I'm feeling fine. Teaching is
not quite a natural act for me, but it's no longer exhausting.
>I cut out a "professors wanted" ad that the local
>community college had in the weekly shopper. I keep it hanging around
>for inspiration.
Great idea. If this is your dream, I'd find a way to reach it.
> I'm in a difficult situation at the moment - the
>closest four-year college is two hours away - but that could change this
>year. Or I may have to rely on distance education, but I'm afraid a
>degree earned that way wouldn't carry the credibility that a traditional
>degree does.
I don't know about that. You might want to contact an anthropology
prof and ask him or her some specific questions about what they look
for when hiring. (You could do this by mail.)
>What area, if you don't mind my asking? I lean toward the sciences -
>anthropology especially.
English. It's not the sensitive, friendly heaven I thought it'd be!
The humanities have become very competitive, since there aren't many
jobs in that area. I'd say that most humanities profs are fairly
sensitive, but many of them deal with this by becoming controlling
assholes (you can sometimes see this even here on this group).
The sciences are much, much better. My impression is that they do a
lot of lab work and so on--not much of the emotion and competitive
arguments that drain me in my department. I have an acquaintance who
is getting her doctorate in anthropology, and my impression from her
is that it's a mix of the two, part humanity, part science.
Gray