I wish I had no friends
Mort
everything they touch. K asked me if he could walk the dog to town
and I said I don't want to go into why, but no. He persisted until I
said if I told him he'd think I was rude. He pushed me until he asked
me if I'm on my periods today so I told him that I'd have to wash the
dog, as I do even when he pats her, but not to the extreme that I
would if he walked her. I also said I have to clean the table he put
his DVD's on. Yesterday he talked so close to me I had to have a
break to wash my face and brush my teeth. Although none of my friends
can get it right yet, I have particular problems with him. He's a
south african (white) and is quite primitive in behaviours, although
he is reading Shakespeare and wise in a number of things he's too
dirty and OCD is beyond him.
Mort
The only thing that makes me sick about my dog is that she likes
people who smell like shit. I think it's a horrible fly like quality,
and I hate flies so much I'm thinking of moving from Australia.
Mort
I hate the French, Italians, and Americans... because they are slimey,
oily, and fat. (in that order)
Mort
I'm John Cleese. :P
Mort
I hate South africans because they are dirty, I hate Chinese because
they will eat anything (gross), I hate the English because they don't
shower, I hate the Russians because they're ugly, I hate Tibetans
because they're stupid. I could go on...
Mort
But I'm afraid of being beaten to death.
Mort
I AM A VICTIM. I AM A VICTIM OF YOUR FECES.
I know it's possible to give up on the world and build a fortress.
I'm only here because I am supposed to Save/Kill you. And I am too
broke for a fortress.
Mort
Sometimes... the only place I have to go is my Mind.
Dirk Bruere at NeoPax
Have a nice day.
FFF
Dirk
http://www.transcendence.me.uk/ - Transcendence UK
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/onetribe - Occult Talk Show
Mort
When people talked to me I used to be pushed so far inside my mind,
and I had a feeling of forced tiredness and the effort it takes to
block somebody out of consciousness. When They left I would wake up
and feel a sublime freedom.. I used to close my eyes for most of the
"conversations" but now I have been trying to engage more but I have
my limits.
Mort
wrote:
>
> - Show quoted text -
What do you mean by that??!
Mort
Here is a split..... I have outside-rules and inside-rules. I made it
fairly conscious when I decided that it was impossible for me to
survive outside if I didn't make a compromise. I might even be caught
trying fish outside. I touch things that I would normally analyse
minutely for negatives (and I'm sure I still do but because I decided
not to wash my hands it's not huge.).
Mort
It would just slow me down.
QN
I think you are overly crossposting.
Would it help if I mention that our bodies are an ecosystem for microbes?
In an ecosystem one kind of kooties balances against another kind of
kooties. Trying to become sterile is pointless.
Dirk Bruere at NeoPax
It's a mystery
--
Gelly
Sounds hellish to be OCD/cleanliness freak.
I'm struggling right now with feeling too sensitive again, feel like I
am high on pot, but I'm not. Hope this goes away soon dammit. I have
to work to not be homeless and it makes it hard to concentrate and do
things right.
niunian
It's whatever you think.
zenworm
> On Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:25:08 +0000, Dirk Bruere at NeoPax
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >>> - Show quoted text -
>
> >> What do you mean by that??!
>
> >It's a mystery
>
> It's whatever you think.
is that what you think?
^~
Meltdarok
Mort
i was expecting projectile vomit.
niunian
wrote:
>On Mar 16, 10:37?pm, niunian <niun...@ymail.com> wrote:
>> On Wed, 17 Mar 2010 00:25:08 +0000, Dirk Bruere at NeoPax
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> <dirk.bru...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> >On 16/03/2010 09:38, Mort wrote:
>> >> On Mar 16, 5:30 pm, Dirk Bruere at NeoPax<dirk.bru...@gmail.com>
>> >> wrote:
>> >>> On 16/03/2010 09:25, Mort wrote:
>>
>> >>>> On Mar 16, 5:23 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>> >>>>> On Mar 16, 5:12 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>>
>> >>>>>> On Mar 16, 5:10 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>>
>> >>>>>>> On Mar 16, 5:06 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>>
>> >>>>>>>> On Mar 16, 5:04 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>>
>> >>>>>>>>> On Mar 16, 5:01 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>>
>> >>>>>>>>>> On Mar 16, 4:56 pm, Mort<mortonvul...@gmail.com> ? ?wrote:
>>
>> >>>>>>>>>>> I use about 20 dollars in water, wet wipes and soap a day cleaning
>> >>>>>>>>>>> everything they touch. ?K asked me if he could walk the dog to town
>> >>>>>>>>>>> and I said I don't want to go into why, but no. ?He persisted until I
>> >>>>>>>>>>> said if I told him he'd think I was rude. ?He pushed me until he asked
>> >>>>>>>>>>> me if I'm on my periods today so I told him that I'd have to wash the
>> >>>>>>>>>>> dog, as I do even when he pats her, but not to the extreme that I
>> >>>>>>>>>>> would if he walked her. ?I also said I have to clean the table he put
>> >>>>>>>>>>> his DVD's on. ?Yesterday he talked so close to me I had to have a
>> >>>>>>>>>>> break to wash my face and brush my teeth. ?Although none of my friends
>> >>>>>>>>>>> can get it right yet, I have particular problems with him. ?He's a
>> >>>>>>>>>>> south african (white) and is quite primitive in behaviours, although
>> >>>>>>>>>>> he is reading Shakespeare and wise in a number of things he's too
>> >>>>>>>>>>> dirty and OCD is beyond him.
>>
>> >>>>>>>>>> The only thing that makes me sick about my dog is that she likes
>> >>>>>>>>>> people who smell like shit. ?I think it's a horrible fly like quality,
>> >>>>>>>>>> and I hate flies so much I'm thinking of moving from Australia.
>>
>> >>>>>>>>> I hate the French, Italians, and Americans... because they are slimey,
>> >>>>>>>>> oily, and fat. (in that order)
>>
>> >>>>>>>> I'm John Cleese. :P
>>
>> >>>>>>> I hate South africans because they are dirty, I hate Chinese because
>> >>>>>>> they will eat anything (gross), I hate the English because they don't
>> >>>>>>> shower, I hate the Russians because they're ugly, I hate Tibetans
>> >>>>>>> because they're stupid. ?I could go on...
>>
>> >>>>>> But I'm afraid of being beaten to death.
>>
>> >>>>> I AM A VICTIM. ?I AM A VICTIM OF YOUR FECES.
>>
>> >>>>> I know it's possible to give up on the world and build a fortress.
>> >>>>> I'm only here because I am supposed to Save/Kill you. ?And I am too
>> >>>>> broke for a fortress.
>>
>> >>>> Sometimes... the only place I have to go is my Mind.
>>
>> >>> Have a nice day.
>>
>> >>> FFF
>> >>> Dirk
>>
>> >>>http://www.transcendence.me.uk/-Transcendence UKhttp://www.blogtalkradio.com/onetribe-Occult Talk Show- Hide quoted text -
>>
>> >>> - Show quoted text -
>>
>> >> What do you mean by that??!
>>
>> >It's a mystery
>>
>> It's whatever you think.
>
>
>is that what you think?
>
>
>^~
No. It's all his idea.
A B
here at the moment, just me and Robert, but maybe that'll change. I'm happy
to chat if you have something you want to say. Not that I use the Internet
very often; but I generally check this group every few days or so.
"Mort" <morton...@gmail.com> wrote on 16th March:
>Here is a split..... I have outside-rules and inside-rules. I made it
>fairly conscious when I decided that it was impossible for me to
>survive outside if I didn't make a compromise. I might even be caught
>trying fish outside. I touch things that I would normally analyse
>minutely for negatives (and I'm sure I still do but because I decided
>not to wash my hands it's not huge.).
It's weird that, isn't it? How things can be impossible in one situation
and quite OK in another. It's surprisingly common with OCD. I do it a bit,
too.
Are you having any kind of treatment for your OCD? It seems to be causing
you so much trouble. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is the best type that I
know of for OCD.
A. B.
pretend friend
> Welcome to alt.support.ocd, Mort! I must admit there's hardly anyone else
> here at the moment, just me and Robert, but maybe that'll change. I'm happy
> to chat if you have something you want to say. Not that I use the Internet
> very often; but I generally check this group every few days or so.
>
>
> >Here is a split..... I have outside-rules and inside-rules. I made it
> >fairly conscious when I decided that it was impossible for me to
> >survive outside if I didn't make a compromise. I might even be caught
> >trying fish outside. I touch things that I would normally analyse
> >minutely for negatives (and I'm sure I still do but because I decided
> >not to wash my hands it's not huge.).
>
> It's weird that, isn't it? How things can be impossible in one situation
> and quite OK in another. It's surprisingly common with OCD. I do it a bit,
> too.
>
> Are you having any kind of treatment for your OCD? It seems to be causing
> you so much trouble. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is the best type that I
> know of for OCD.
> A. B.
hi a.b. Mort is me, by the way.
i am currently making a try at facing the ocd by seeing a psychologist
about it. he has been better than other psychologists and social
workers in the past, but now that he knows the situation (i have seen
him once) next time he will see just how overwhelming it is for me.
it's not as simple as choosing to be different, or knowing the
problem. anyway i will see him with interest, but no expectations.
when i read my reports in "My Surgical Analysis" i laughed harder than
i have in a long time. i told him if were saying everything he is
writing down on the board completely seriously i would be more fucked
up than i am, but i find a humour in almost all of it. he was
confused about if i was just talking as the "alien" but not only was
it a bit funny to me, it was a self analysis and a confession not a
self affirmative expression. since coming back i have had a better
awareness i suppose, and some conviction to change although... the
alien is very me. and it feels like the rest of me is a very small
thing that i can just get rid of sometimes. the last of the dirt, and
the world.
pretend friend
>
> - Show quoted text -
his aim is to do the exact same to the alien more than the other side,
but to both sides since they are a dichotomy and it's their opposition
that is the issue. i am meant to look at IT and laugh it off and cast
it off. and i am meant to feel more.
pretend friend
>
> - Show quoted text -
my problem is the shitty child in others and myself. nature is ok,
animals are ok. humans have a bad vibe.
Tom
> Welcome to alt.support.ocd, Mort!
Since alt.magick is decidely *not* a support group, you folks should
delete alt.magick from your crosspost lists for this thread.
A B
>hi a.b. Mort is me, by the way.
Oh, I see. I thought two new posters in here seemed too good to be true!
I have to say I'm not at all sure what your alien posting meant myself, so I
can see your psychologist's problem! Glad to know you're getting some kind
of attempted help, anyway. Hope it eventually makes things easier for you.
My understanding has always been that CBT is the only type of therapy for
OCD that's at all reliable. Not 100% successful, but pretty good -
something like 75% overall, and rather more than that for cleaning OCD like
yours. Other things do help sometimes, though. All depends.
All the best,
--
A. B.
My e-mail address is zen177395 at zendotcodotuk.
I don't check that account very often, so tell me on the newsgroup if you've
sent me an e-mail.
pretend friend
> "pretend friend" <kosmicg...@gmail.com> wrote on 17th March:
>
> >hi a.b. Mort is me, by the way.
>
> Oh, I see. I thought two new posters in here seemed too good to be true!
> I have to say I'm not at all sure what your alien posting meant myself, so I
> can see your psychologist's problem! Glad to know you're getting some kind
> of attempted help, anyway. Hope it eventually makes things easier for you.
> My understanding has always been that CBT is the only type of therapy for
> OCD that's at all reliable. Not 100% successful, but pretty good -
> something like 75% overall, and rather more than that for cleaning OCD like
> yours. Other things do help sometimes, though. All depends.
i'm a messy person, and the ocd is very particularly to do with human
excrements. so if they touch something, or if i am in a shitty mood
and i touch something, i have to clean it. i am ok with people i feel
goodness from and towards. how would CBT help with that particular
ocd?
pretend friend
"magical thinking" is ocd. vibes is magick. heh
pretend friend
and come out and admit it, you're all crazy.
A B
>excrements. so if they touch something, or if i am in a shitty mood
>and i touch something, i have to clean it. i am ok with people i feel
>goodness from and towards. how would CBT help with that particular
>ocd?
That's funny - sort of metaphorical OCD! Problems with real shit and with
shitty moods, I mean.
I'm in a bit of a hurry so I won't go into the CBT question myself, but
there's a really good article about it at:
http://www.ocduk.org/2/cbt.htm The other side of CBT (not discussed much
there for some reason) is what's called ERP (exposure and response
prevention). This is to do with exposing yourself to whatever it is you
have the problem with, so you can see it's not so bad. Yucky as it sounds,
in your case that'd probably involve things like touching a toilet seat and
then not washing. You start with something that's not too difficult - maybe
just something that's touched something that the wrong person has touched,
or something like that - and work up. Anyway, I've definitely come across a
lot of people who had OCD very like yours and found CBT really useful.
Must go,
zardoz
<morton...@gmail.com> wrote:
>On Mar 16, 5:01 pm, Mort <mortonvul...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Mar 16, 4:56 pm, Mort <mortonvul...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>
>> > I use about 20 dollars in water, wet wipes and soap a day cleaning
>> > everything they touch. K asked me if he could walk the dog to town
>> > and I said I don't want to go into why, but no. He persisted until I
>> > said if I told him he'd think I was rude. He pushed me until he asked
>> > me if I'm on my periods today so I told him that I'd have to wash the
>> > dog, as I do even when he pats her, but not to the extreme that I
>> > would if he walked her. I also said I have to clean the table he put
>> > his DVD's on. Yesterday he talked so close to me I had to have a
>> > break to wash my face and brush my teeth. Although none of my friends
>> > can get it right yet, I have particular problems with him. He's a
>> > south african (white) and is quite primitive in behaviours, although
>> > he is reading Shakespeare and wise in a number of things he's too
>> > dirty and OCD is beyond him.
>>
>> The only thing that makes me sick about my dog is that she likes
>> people who smell like shit. I think it's a horrible fly like quality,
>> and I hate flies so much I'm thinking of moving from Australia.
>
>I hate the French, Italians, and Americans... because they are slimey,
>oily, and fat. (in that order)
I thought the French tended to be quite slim, which might be the
secret to their longevity - they are the longest lived people in the
world, you know. They say it's wine, but then they never tell you the
truth about that stuff, since they don't particularly want people
living all that long. But I think it's probably their eating habits in
general. They eat several small meals per day and tend to be quite
slim.
Mort
> On Tue, 16 Mar 2010 02:04:54 -0700 (PDT), Mort
>
>
>
>
>
slimey
Mort
>
>
>
>
>
slimey is more of a character trait, however may manifest as fuck-
sweat on a frenchman.
Mort
> "pretend friend" <kosmicg...@gmail.com> wrote on 17th March:
>
> >i'm a messy person, and the ocd is very particularly to do with human
> >excrements. so if they touch something, or if i am in a shitty mood
> >and i touch something, i have to clean it. i am ok with people i feel
> >goodness from and towards. how would CBT help with that particular
> >ocd?
>
> That's funny - sort of metaphorical OCD! Problems with real shit and with
> shitty moods, I mean.
yes. excrement of body and self.
> I'm in a bit of a hurry so I won't go into the CBT question myself, but
> there's a really good article about it at:http://www.ocduk.org/2/cbt.htm The other side of CBT (not discussed much
> there for some reason) is what's called ERP (exposure and response
> prevention). This is to do with exposing yourself to whatever it is you
> have the problem with, so you can see it's not so bad. Yucky as it sounds,
> in your case that'd probably involve things like touching a toilet seat and
> then not washing. You start with something that's not too difficult - maybe
> just something that's touched something that the wrong person has touched,
> or something like that - and work up. Anyway, I've definitely come across a
> lot of people who had OCD very like yours and found CBT really useful.
> Must go,
>
have you seen cabin fever 2?
that is the kind of therapy i have been doing to myself. "exposure
therapy"... but once i start touching things it starts to spread
until everything is contaminated. say i shake hands with someone...
then i go on the computer, then i pick up my note book and pen, then i
open the fridge, the cupboard, read a book... i have never been able
to maintain the process long enough to infect everything beyond
redemption, but maybe that is what i must do otherwise i recoil and
start cleaning it all... this way it gets beyond my control. i don't
know. everything will get infected. i could go in the opposite
direction, and succeed in keeping everything my own way and keeping
people away from it. they're too disgusting, i can't let them infect
me and the house. all i have to do is lock the door and stay quiet.
i am nearly giving up trying. all they have to do is control
themselves, just stop picking their fucking noses, just wash their
hands, stop touchy-feeling everything they see.
zardoz
Oh I see. Yeah, I did see a French movie once where someone advised a
non-Frenchman not to shower after sex since the French respect someone
who smells like he's just been fucking. I wonder if that goes for
women too? Hard to imagine.
Michael Alpert
myself, "Thank God there is no love in my life. I will have nothing to
feel guilty about."
But, love came into my life and I felt bound by my conscience to
appreciate it.
Were you a cleaness fanatic about everything? The Bible says, "Whatever
you deem unclean is unclean for you." I hate male pollution! I always
cleaned up male pollution like a squad handling a radioactive spill.
But, I love smelly women and their substances. I was finally able to
have only female companionship most of the time. I get a soft darkness
from women, and restful blacknesses of oblivion from women.
But, males impose a blinding whiteness and smothering hardness like
dopamine blockers. These senses may seem like hallucinations, but they
are based on fact. They are not hallucinations.
The iron in the cytochromes in every male cell is magnetically polarized
counterclockwise; but, the iron in the cytochromes in every female cell
is magnetically polarized clockwise.
The counterclockwise polarization of males repels my counterclockwise
polarization of males, and appears white through the cytochromes of my
optic nerves.
Do you see like this? Do normos see like this? Perhaps a certain part of
the brain has to be awake to see this. Even without this sight, "like
polarities" would feel unbearable like dopamine blockers.
It is said there is a reason for this. Before a certain young age
anything harsh in the environment will set up mechanisms to secrete
endorphins and dopamine in any later response to these harshnesses.
The harsh parent will establish this mechanism at an early age. That's
what determines "orientation". I had a tough mother and a sickly wimp
for a father. I grew up straight.
Gays have revealed that they like white and hardness, but they don't
have the unpleasant, unbearable feelings from them. The gay guys has
tough fathers.
But, these reactions actually aren't sexual. They are caused by this
environmental adjustment mechanism. I was told that I was bitten by a
snake when I was two, and I love snakes. I am ecstatic to see a snake
crawling. But, that's not sexual.
As it is written in Alchemy61, "All sex is polarity, but, not all
polarity is sex". I haven't quite figured out why there is so much
secrecy about these matters.
But, the optic nerve and cytochrome mechanisms were revealed in an
article in Discover Magazine a while ago.
These matters are socially significant. Males made me so sick that I
couldn't perform. I was blinded, nauseous, stymied, and exhausted by
males, and I couldn't accomplish anything useful. And, any male
pollution took as long as dopamine blockers to wear off.
You can understand why male pollution makes me feel like poisoned by
dopamine blockers. My tough mother established the dopamine response to
women. Smothered in male pollution, there was no dopamine, and I was
like a cocaine addict deprived of cocaine, the most severe addiction.
Cocaine allows more dopamine to stay in the nerve gaps. I tries cocaine
onece, over seas (not here in America), and I said, "Wow! I know that
feeling. I get it from women". And, I never used cocaine again. All I
need is women and their smells. I am addicted to "female polarities".
A B
Some other people recommend what you mentioned... there's even a
catchphrase: "if everything is contaminated, nothing is". I've seen some
people say that it really works, but then other people say it made things
worse. Maybe you need to start on the "cognitive" side, discussing the
revulsion itself. I mean, finding shit disgusting is entirely reasonable,
but things that have touched things that have touched things that have
touched it... or things that have just been touched by the wrong kind of
person... well, as you've found out, it doesn't work very well. So if
exposure alone won't cut it, maybe it'd be better to start from the other
side and examine the way you think about it. That's a fairly recent
addition to OCD treatment (it used to be just the exposure), and I know
they've found it much more successful.
It's best to see a professional CBT therapist, but if you can't find one
there are books you can get about it. There's a list of good ones at
http://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-info/resource-centre/books/
Haven't time for any more at the moment, but good luck!
Tom
Spewing your personal shit all over a number of unrelated newsgroups
is not a productive way of dealing with your malfunctioning brain.
Confine the discussion of your disease to the newsgroup for which it
is appropriate, unless, of course, your mental illness is something
that compels you to make an ass of yourself in front of people who
don't give a shit if you live or die, much less if you are coping
successfully with your personal problems.
After Dork
A decent wish is for heroin, cause it breeds the need to succeed for
more heroin, so it's like a self perpetuating wish in that even if a
genie wanted to screw you at least you'd be doing it the way you love
the most.
Lucifer
>
> Spewing your personal shit all over a number of unrelated newsgroups
> is not a productive way of dealing with your malfunctioning brain.
Hahaha. I am not disagreeing with you. I am responding.
<for the class this is a perfect example of what i mean. we told him
cross-posting is wrong and now, magick, he says he is saying cross-
posting is bad and yet, seeing is believing. i am not agreeing with
you. i am "Reply" ing. in alt.zen we call this "zen-transmission"...
we teach it to those who listen but tell the "posters" nothing. they
are then forced to accept that they give us nothing but at the same
time, we can hear them.>
Tim
pretend friend
> I've not seen Cabin Fever, no.
> Some other people recommend what you mentioned... there's even a
> catchphrase: "if everything is contaminated, nothing is". I've seen some
> people say that it really works, but then other people say it made things
> worse. Maybe you need to start on the "cognitive" side, discussing the
> revulsion itself. I mean, finding shit disgusting is entirely reasonable,
> but things that have touched things that have touched things that have
> touched it... or things that have just been touched by the wrong kind of
> person... well, as you've found out, it doesn't work very well. So if
> exposure alone won't cut it, maybe it'd be better to start from the other
> side and examine the way you think about it. That's a fairly recent
> addition to OCD treatment (it used to be just the exposure), and I know
> they've found it much more successful.
>
i think it can help, but my psychologist maybe more optimistic about
it than me. he said he is optimistic because of research showing that
even talking about it, and drawing it out, observing the problem can
cause changes in the brain that some people might think are more
stubborn than they really have to be. (neuroplasticity). it also
helps to make my "I" into an "it", and when it is observed in that way
it is easier to discard. no longer infested by cleanliness you could
say.
but then he said "so why don't you just be an adult today, why don't
you walk out that door and not be the alien." and i realize how he
might be more hopeful than i am about it, although it can help. i
guess i have already looked at the problem quite clearly myself, but
it does help to talk about it with another voice.
what has helped in a website for buying products he gave me, so now i
have started a business. i realize more than ever that i really do
want money, not for ordinary reasons but because i NEED it to be who i
am without so many problems. i can build my own world like a
fortress, like michael jackson did. or i can have the money to travel
in a style that caters to my ocd, veganism etc, and is not too
challenging. and then, if i see the bright side of things a bit
clearer, maybe the dark side will not throw me into frustration and
overwhelm me like it has been, and it will actually help me with that
too.
> It's best to see a professional CBT therapist, but if you can't find one
> there are books you can get about it. There's a list of good ones athttp://www.ocdaction.org.uk/support-info/resource-centre/books/
>
thanks
Tom
>
> i think it can help, but my psychologist maybe more optimistic about
> it than me.
Restrict this self-pitying spew to its appropriate newsgroup, you
pathetic therapy addict.
Mort
erm... you expect me to care about what people like you think? i
already told you you're nothing. don't you get it yet? i care as
much about people like you as you want to read a person like me. how
is your logic meant to stop me, when my logic is as well founded on
self interest and lack of care for others as yours is founded on self
interest and lack of care about me? we aren't that different in that
sense, but you're alot more stupid than i am.
Mort
i go to therapy once in 7 years and you're already spewing shit.
heh, spewing shit...... that's you. idiot.
Mort
and these... rules... you have. the monster that breaking them evokes
from you... have you seen a therapist about your own obsessive
compulsive disorder lately? seriously, it could help.