Time Management & OCD?
michael
I've been suffering from OCD ever since a bout of depression caused me
to veer off my goals and lifeplan for several years. Now I have that
"gotta-catch-up" feeling that consumes everything I do, the drive to
be perfect and dedicated to the ultimate power-schedule that will put
me back on track to achieving wildly ambitious goals. Of course, all
these obsessive thoughts only overwhelm me and paralyze me, and I'm
left procrastinating and paralyzed.
(When I was 10 I knew I wanted to be the next Alfred Hitchcock. My
desire to become a successful screenwriter/filmmaker was fierce and
clear through HS and college. Then I hit this wall in my 20s and
everything stopped - Now suddenly I'm a 34yo everyman whose never
touched a camera, out of shape and sitting at a computer job all day
wondering what went wrong.)
I believe I may have found a fix, and here's where I'm hoping for a
little advice on whether what I've done is a good thing, or whether it
is really just another way to obsess about shedules time, etc...
I recently put my database-building skills to work and designed a
"time machine" program that charts all my goals, ranks them, logs how
much time I spend working on them, etc. It crunches numbers for
SIXTEEN different goals right now - everything to my writing time,
workout schedule, when to go to the movies or read (or even learn a
little spanish), it even logs things like time spent with loved ones
or friends and ranks that against time spent in other areas, etc.
I love the fact that I have a new little tool that I can just click
open each morning and see immediately what tasks to focus on
that day, but I'm also afraid I may have simply just built a little
OCD template for the way my brain works. Just another little gadget
that will enable all that fixating behavior.
So I guess I'm asking whether what I've built is a healthy toy to
rely on, or whether it sounds a bit over the top. Is the fact that I
would be embarrassed for anyone else to see it (or open it up and see
where they fall in my life or how I've labeled my time with them) a
red-flag sign that it isn't healthy? Or is it normal for
goal-oriented people to find private little ways to track their
time/goals like this.
I just want to make sure I'm not sweeping my OCD under the rug and
simply replacing it with a fancy little bean-counter. And advice /
thoughts / similar experiences out there?
Yours,
m
ikke
a flexible way, without fixating or obsessing, I guess it might be helpful.
By the way, why is it so important that you have exactly SIXTEEN different
goals? Is this an OCD number issue or is it just 2^4 ;-)
"michael" <micha...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b27a4f1f.03102...@posting.google.com...
Erik
everything that I need to do. It seems that if I keep it
all in my head then I just context switch from thing to
thing without focusing and accomplishing anything.
The big question is: Does it work for you? Do you
accomplish more? Are you closing in on some of your
objectives?
I think turning OCD personality quirks into tactical
advantages is a beatiful thing. What some consider a
disability becomes an advantage, and it's a great way to
accell in this world. That is, don't play by "normal"
rules; make up your own.
Have you thought about turning this into an open source
project such as on www.sf.org?
Erik
Mike
aspirations all the way through high school, but ended up dropping out of
college, mostly due to (at the time) undiagnosed ADHD (along with OCD), I
believe. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing quite well as a consultant, but you
know...I planned to be retired by now ;-) And, thanks to spending sprees
and impulsive stock market "gambling" on options, I have about $60,000 in
credit card debt, don't own a home, and don't have any retirement plan
(other than Social Security, of course). This, despite making around
$200K/year :-(
Regarding your database, I don't think that is any big deal. I do think it
is probably related to your OCD, sort of a need for control, and probably
helps you feel better about all the things you need to get done. But as
long as you use it, and it helps, then that is all that matters. There are
plenty of people that use all sorts of planning software.
Besides, writing software for your own use is a mentally rewarding
excercise, at least for me. I've always considered programming to be a form
of art, a way to release my creativity. God knows I can't draw, paint,
sing, or dance!
Mike
"michael" <micha...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b27a4f1f.03102...@posting.google.com...
michael
> IMHO, it all depends on how far you go with the tool. If you use the tool in
> a flexible way, without fixating or obsessing, I guess it might be helpful.
>
> By the way, why is it so important that you have exactly SIXTEEN different
> goals? Is this an OCD number issue or is it just 2^4 ;-)
Nope, 16 isn't important. There just happen to be 16 goals now that
I've entered all the different projects that have come into my head to
resolve over the last week or so. I capitalized it only because I
think that's A LOT of goals to be worried about (hence the fear of
enabling OCD, as common sense tells us to simplify our lives rather
than over-complicate things...)
BTW, I just wanted to thank you guys for reassuring me that using such
a tool isn't just the weirdest thing you've ever heard in your lives.
If waking up in the morning and clicking a button to determine what
goals to focus on prevents me from sitting in an obsessive daze in my
underwear all morning, overwhelmed by all the thoughts and plans and
decisions over whether to study Spanish or work on my writing or paint
the kitchen or call my mom, blah-blah-blah... then maybe it's worth
it. Maybe I've found a way to tap into (and sooth) my particular OCD
fixations on time and perfection and schedules.
I'm going to start using it and honing it for about a week to see if
it's really helping, and to make sure I don't just turn my obsessive
thoughts over to "is it working? did I design it right? did I forget a
goal? did I remember to log yesterday in correctly" you get the
picture!
Next week is my birthday - a good time to sit and reflect over how
life and OCD is treating me. I'll check in with you guys and let you
know how things turn out. Thanks for listening... and caring.
yours,
m
Ichydog
>$200K/year :-(
>
You think ocd is a bitch, try it on minimum wage.
Sorry for sounding snotty but I always find it strange when ppl post their
salary. You couldn't say 'I earn a good salary'?
ich
Ichydog
>simply replacing it with a fancy little bean-counter. And advice /
>thoughts / similar experiences out there?
>
>Yours,
>
>m
>
Hey Mike,
I've had a few good days journaling about my job search. Good luck with this
technique. I slip easily into despair then get nothing done.
About the possibility of replacing one o/c for another...
I have actually discussed with my pdoc making a first step to being compulsive
about the opposite of my current compulsion. Procrastination is the big one. I
don't mind if I hike up my energy and get things done and even over done.
What makes it different to me is that my compulsion is unacceptable to society.
Being Type A would be better, I think.
We'll see, maybe.
Lisa
Paul
I've set up some elaborate organizing systems I will tell you about
but I really ventured into alt.support.ocd to ask a question about the
relationship, if any, between OCPD and OCD, or more particularly if
there is a philosophy, attitude, or personality associated with OCD. I
have self-diagnosed OCPD myself with no OCD that I know of, and I
should pimp my OCPD support group here:
OCPD is more an attitude towards life of doing what is right rather
than what you'd like to do, while I consider OCD to be more like a
medical condition, like a broken leg. The symptoms are completely
unwanted, "ego-dystonic", while in OCPD they are generally seen as not
a problem, or "ego-syntonic". I'm thinking not only of typical OCD
behavior, quoting from this site with an excellent comparison of OCD
and OCPD:
http://community.healthgate.com/getcontent.asp?siteid=smc&docid=/healthy/mind/2002/ocpd
Compulsive behaviors of OCD:
* Excessive checking of door locks, stoves, water faucets, light
switches, etc.
* Repeatedly making lists, counting, arranging, or aligning things
* Collecting and hoarding useless objects
* Repeating routine actions a certain number of times until it feels
just right
* Unnecessary rereading and rewriting
* Mentally repeating phrases
* Excessive washing, sometimes for hours every day
but also those OCD spectrum disorders like Tourette's or hair-pulling
where the symptoms are clearly unwanted.
Anyway, my organizing systems. I wrote a program I called an "Activity
Minder" with icons on the left side of the screen representing
activities which could be dragged to the right side of the screen
representing doing that activity, which would make an entries in a log
book showing start time and when you dragged the icon back to the
left, the stop time. I also devised a system based on the Dewey
Decimal System libraries use for cataloging books which I called the
"Paul Decimal System" or PDS for filing and storing papers and
records. I never did use either the Activity Minder program or the PDS
very much.
To revisit the OCD/OCPD distinction, your interest in organizing your
life and using organizing in a helpful, more healthful way (compared
to the mindless lists, counting, arranging and aligning seen in OCD)
seems more like OCPD to me. Unless you're doing it as a reaction to
the anxiety of OCD (?) as you say you are (?).
Would anyone care to comment on the personality features of OCD, if
there are any? I know the research says OCD is not particularly linked
to any of the personality disorders, like OCPD or narcissism or
paranoid or antisocial personality. One could ask about the
personality of someone with a broken leg, but that's a rather silly
question. Is it just as silly to ask about the personality of someone
with OCD? Michael you mention procrastination, which is a common
feature OCPD, as is indecision. Are these common to OCD as well? Is
the perfectionism you mentioned a feature of OCD? Speaking of the
thread title, is a feeling of time pressure common with OCD? It is
with OCPD. There is the story of the woman with OCD who is a
compulsive cleaner so she cleans houses to take advantage of her
condition. Isn't this then "who she is", or a type of personality, and
not simply unwanted symptoms?
We have a LOT of members of the OCPD forum who have been diagnosed as
OCD but having read about both OCD and OCPD feel they are most
definitely OCPD and not OCD. It makes me wonder what is going on
there. Is it so hard to distinguish between the two? What does it say
about the doctors who diagnosed them? Any insight from the point of
view of someone with OCD would be appreciated.
I am aware of the Phillipson article here contrasting OCD and OCPD:
"The RIGHT Stuff: Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: A Defect
of Philosophy, not Anxiety" by Steven Phillipson, Ph.D.
http://www.ocdonline.com/articlephillipson6.htm
By the way a friend sent me this recent news article about a genetic
component to OCD, I thought you good people might be interested in it:
http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=healthNews&storyID=3678154
Sincerely, Paul
Mike
to make the point that money don't mean shit if you don't manage it wisely.
I really didn't mean for it to come off the way it sounded.
We're all human. It doesn't matter how much money you make, what race you
are, or what gender you are - we all make mistakes, and we all have our own
set of problems.
Again, sorry,
Mike
"Ichydog" <ich...@aol.com> wrote in message
news:20031029182622...@mb-m05.aol.com...
Erik
A question on all of this. Is it common for OCD'ers to over
allocate their time? 16 tasks may seem a bit much, but I
have to confess that I have more pokers in the fire then
fingers.
Erik
Ichydog
That's cool.
Lisa