How do you know if wife is cheating?
Limerick
I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
I am in the middle of a break-up with my wife, and although we
are still getting along quite well and are trying to work things
out, she is spending a little too much time away from home once in a
while. We had plans for ourselves for tonight, but she left to go
shopping and didn't come home until 11:00pm! She went to a friends
house where she just said they were playing a game, and didn't even
tell me when she'd be home. How can one be so caring at one time, and
so coniving and blatantly rude the next? I'm starting to get a bad
feeling about what she does when she takes off like this, and want to
know how I can confirm my suspicions without her knowing I am looking
into it.
Since this is a divorce forum, I'm sure there are many of you who
have been in this situation! Any and all suggestions will be very
much appreciated! Thank you!
Limerick
Laurie Lindblad
> I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
> wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
> I am in the middle of a break-up with my wife, and although we
> are still getting along quite well and are trying to work things
> out, she is spending a little too much time away from home once in a
> while.
I have a question for you: if you are divorcing then why do you care what
she's doing??
Just curious---
Alisha Thomas
a fault-based divorce? I've heard that it is very difficult to prove
infidelity in court, but that hiring a private investigator is one
method that yields acceptable evidence (such as photos). No clue what
the cost is or how to find someone reputable, but have the PI follow
her. If her behavior is infrequent, then this method may be costly.
If it's just for your own knowledge, try auto-redial after your wife
has used the phone, or if you have any mutual friends that you trust
enough, take one aside and ask him or her to be honest with you and
not to let your wife know you asked.
Your wife may not, in fact, be committing adultery at this point. She
may feel a need to prove her independence, both emotionally and
physically. She may just be trying to piss you off, for whatever
reason. So she does this by standing you up and then being
standoffish about revealing details. Maybe she is hurting, so she is
(childishly) trying to hurt you back by acting that way because she
knows it bothers you and makes you sad. If you are definitely
breaking up, then the details of your wife's sorties perhaps shouldn't
matter, but you may wish to gently inform your wife that it would help
things go more smoothly if she would at least try to still be
courteous to you, and courtesy includes telling you when she will be
out late and unable to get home in time for your plans.
Good luck.
Alisha
Limerick <Lime...@midwest.net> wrote:
>Dear readers,
> I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
>wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
> I am in the middle of a break-up with my wife, and although we
>are still getting along quite well and are trying to work things
>out, she is spending a little too much time away from home once in a
Dan Daugherty
>
>Do you mean prove it to yourself, or prove it in court as a basis for
>a fault-based divorce?
In my case, my wife was lying to me and I needed to know if she was
lying or truthtelling. It took me a long time to get concrete
evidence that i had been lied to, and I was furious, mainly over
the lies. Had i known the truth earlier i would have acted
differently than I did at the time. I still harbor a deep resentment
over being lied to.
I never intended for a fault based divorce, but I needed to know the
truth. If I had to do it all over again, I would have either
personally spied on her or had someone else do it, even if i had to
pay a lot of money. As for all her friends who helped her hide the
truth from me, I hate them too. They are all beneath contempt.
-- DAn Daugherty
D.A.N.
: Dear readers,
: I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
: wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
Unexplained absences
defensive
new clothes
losing weight
more make-up
Your relationship takes a sudden turn for the worse
Hire a private detective. Rarely will a cheater own up to it.
Or for $20 you can tap your own phone. Beware on this one.
You may hear something that will hurt you for ever!
D.A.N.
Marla Brunker
> I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
>wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
>are still getting along quite well and are trying to work things
>out, she is spending a little too much time away from home once in a
>while. We had plans for ourselves for tonight, but she left to go
>shopping and didn't come home until 11:00pm! She went to a friends
>house where she just said they were playing a game, and didn't even
>tell me when she'd be home. How can one be so caring at one time, and
ex (who was not exactly poster boy for National Fidelity Week) made
accusations all the time. While in retrospect, I could have used some,
his suspicions were entirely invalid.
As for your missus - if things are all that stressful at home
and I infer that they are, maybe she just felt more comfortable sitting by
herself at a mall, nursing a cup of coffee, than coming home and
trying not to have an argument. No reflection on you, but finding one's
soon-to-be ex's presence a little tough to take is surely a perfectly
common characteristic of an estranged couple.
falc...@starnetinc.com
>feeling about what she does when she takes off like this, and want to
>know how I can confirm my suspicions without her knowing I am looking
>into it.
Limerick, more important than what she is doing in here spare time is
why she prefers to spend her spare time with someone other than you.
Changing what someone prefers to do is impossible. Making someone
prefer to be with you is impossible. Take my advice regardless of what
she is doing it's clear that she would rather do it with someone else.
Get out and find someone who would prefer to do things with you
whether they be alone or with other couples. When you have to start
wondering why your wife doesn't want to spend time with you it's time
to get out............
Regards, Kevin
Tim Riley
>
> Dear readers,
>
> I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
> wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
> I am in the middle of a break-up with my wife, and although we
> are still getting along quite well and are trying to work things
> out, she is spending a little too much time away from home once in a
> while. We had plans for ourselves for tonight, but she left to go
> shopping and didn't come home until 11:00pm! She went to a friends
> house where she just said they were playing a game, and didn't even
> so coniving and blatantly rude the next? I'm starting to get a bad
> feeling about what she does when she takes off like this, and want to
> know how I can confirm my suspicions without her knowing I am looking
> into it.
> have been in this situation! Any and all suggestions will be very
> much appreciated! Thank you!
>
cheating then most likely she is. In my case it was with the person I
least expected my best friend. In most cases she will be having an
affair with a coworker are a mutual friend. You will most likely know
the person. If you need any more advice let me know. Let me know how
things turn out. Good luck. Tim
Tim Riley
with my best friend. Tim
Elliot Poger
>
>I never intended for a fault based divorce, but I needed to know the
>truth. If I had to do it all over again, I would have either
>personally spied on her or had someone else do it, even if i had to
>pay a lot of money. As for all her friends who helped her hide the
>truth from me, I hate them too. They are all beneath contempt.
AMEN! Sometimes I just seethe thinking about those jerks. I had always
thought of them being my friends as well, and I am *REALLY* pissed that
I didn't matter to them AT ALL. It truly is so low as to be BENEATH
contempt. I don't care if they were "her" friends--that doesn't excuse
them from treating me like a human being, with powerful emotions of my
own.
--
Elliot Poger http://plastique.stanford.edu/~elliot/
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-- Thomas Edison
Larry 'The Single Guy' Mull
friends etc. Those are just some of the ways to check up on someone
that you believe is having an affair. I fyou are aleady headed
towards divorce, then don't bother. Otherwise, it's up to you if you
need to find out for sure. Just flat out ask her what you suspect and
back it up w/your feelings. You cannot be faulted for that.
--
LarryM |-)
http://www.concentric.net/~lsm
Russell Witt
>Limerick (Lime...@midwest.net) wrote:
>: Dear readers,
>: I have a question to ask. Simply put, how do you know if your
>: wife is cheating, and how do you prove it?
>
>Hire a private detective. Rarely will a cheater own up to it.
>Or for $20 you can tap your own phone. Beware on this one.
>You may hear something that will hurt you for ever!
>
recording can only be made if at least ONE person knows the conversation is
being taped. HOWEVER, if you simply use the information (recording) to learn
where to look for OTHER information (when they are next meeting for example),
and then use other (legal) means of documenting the affair; it never has to be
mentioned (and should'nt be) that a wire tap was used.
leep
wet stockings is an interesting clue :>
Elisabeth Jacobsen
suspects, its usually right.
Liz
Marla Brunker
>Want to know a woman's perspective in this? Do as we do: if your heart
>suspects, its usually right.
accusations of this sort, I'd like to suggest that you DON'T do this.
No offense to Liz, but people believe what they want to believe, and
frequently at the end of a marriage, they want to believe their STBX
is as blameworthy as possible.
If you've got something fairly concrete on her, that's one thing. But
as I recall the original post, it's basically that she hangs out someplace
else some evenings - but how unusual is that for a marriage that's
circling the drain? There's a thousand things she could be doing
besides rolling around with someone else, including sitting alone
in some respectable public place, feeling completely miserable and
wondering how things got to this state.
Mike Allred
>Unexplained absences
>defensive
>new clothes
>losing weight
>more make-up
>Your relationship takes a sudden turn for the worse
Ouch, I makes more sense now and I didn't see it at first, but you just
discribed my exwifes behavour right before she told me that "she needed to
find herself". Its all gets a little clearer after awhile.
Friedmanb
> people believe what they want to believe, and
>frequently at the end of a marriage, they want to believe their STBX
>is as blameworthy as possible.
>besides rolling around with someone else, including sitting alone
>in some respectable public place, feeling completely miserable and
>wondering how things got to this state.
A very compassionate respost, Marla. When a relationship ends, people
dump all their own bad feelings onto the other person. They forget about
the humanity of the person they once loved and instead just imagine the
worst about them. It does not have to happen but it does happen all too
often.
I sometimes wonder where are all the bad s2bx's talked about on this group
-- the sluts, the borderlines, the self-centereds, the pathological
liars, the abusers, the drunks, etc. My own feeling is that we hear from
the spouse with the access to the computer, period. That is the main
thing which distinguishes the members of this group from their
ex-partners.
Bob
falc...@starnetinc.com
>as I recall the original post, it's basically that she hangs out someplace
>else some evenings - but how unusual is that for a marriage that's
>besides rolling around with someone else, including sitting alone
>in some respectable public place, feeling completely miserable and
>wondering how things got to this state.
Marla, even if this is the case she at least owes her husband the
courtesy of knowing how she is feeling. As much as we men are
critisized for not understanding there are those of us who when told
of such feelings would be quite willing to end a relationship if it
seems like the right thing to do. Unfortunately many woman will
and have turned to affairs or at the minimum sulking in bars
crying to there girlfriends about how miserable their marriage is when
they dont have the balls to discuss it with there own husbands.
Regards, Kevin
Ed Borghi
says...
>
>Marla, even if this is the case she at least owes her husband the
>courtesy of knowing how she is feeling. As much as we men are
>critisized for not understanding there are those of us who when told
>of such feelings would be quite willing to end a relationship if it
>seems like the right thing to do. Unfortunately many woman will
>and have turned to affairs or at the minimum sulking in bars
>crying to there girlfriends about how miserable their marriage is when
>they dont have the balls to discuss it with there own husbands.
You got it guy! How many guys have heard all the greivances aired at the
end? Finally they get caught and some up with everrything under the sun
that has been wrong for years but they never wanted to say anything.
They thought we would change on our own. Like we can read minds right?
Ed Borghi
>
>
>>Unexplained absences
>>defensive
>>new clothes
>>Your relationship takes a sudden turn for the worse
>
>Ouch, I makes more sense now and I didn't see it at first, but you
just
>discribed my exwifes behavour right before she told me that "she needed
to
>find herself". Its all gets a little clearer after awhile.
Here's how I knew (know but she doesn't know I do) and perhaps a few
more clues for those interested in the thread.
She no longer makes love, she just fucks me.
She no longer puts her arms around me when we dance, just on my
shoulders like someone you may have just met or a friends wife you are
dancing with.
No longer goes to places we used to go or wants to tell mutual friends
where she "hangs out" on her nights out.
No longer wants to associate with certain friends.
Her kiss is that of a teenager (remember ?)
She loves certain oral things done in bed but on several occasions
after coming home late she fought to stop me. (Gee I wonder why?)
Her oral skills have suddenly taken a turn for the better.
She developed a sudden interest in computers. She always hated them
before and refused to use one. Now I can't keep her off of it. (Gee I
wonder who she's talking to?)
Hangs around with people who are doing pretty much the same thing.
Plus all of the above quoted.
Oh and I forgot to mention. I am a computer consultant and ex-hacker who
was pretty good at that sort of stuff. I don't wonder about anything
concerning computers. I KNOW - and ladies, their are a bunch of us out
there just waiting to nail ya. Next time you cruise the net look for or
talking to your lover or setting up a meet with Mr. Wonderful just think
about who might be watching and who Mr. Wonderful may be working for.
Why do we do it? For the money of course but in my case also for the
fact that I am pretty conservative about mariage and truely do beleive
that cheating on your partner is WRONG and is the worst thing that one
partner can do to the other. I also enjoy it. Not the pain brought to
the man by my work but the backing of the cheating slut into a corner
she can't get out of. We break the WEB of deceit and most of us enjoy
it.
You know what's really strange though? I never thought I'd be working
for myself. :(
Bob Lang
> Do you mean prove it to yourself, or prove it in court as a basis for
[Stuff deleted]
My wife (when she lived at the same address as I) used to go out a couple of
times a week "with friends". I believed her. Funny thing was that when I
mentioned her behavior to my friends and family, almost everybody says to me
"She's cheating on you." I have no real evidence that she has, so I let the
comments slide. Just prior to her leaving, I asked her directly if she had had
or is having an affair. Her answer was "Sort of". She would not elaborate.
Bottom line: we weren't there for each other. It's kind of sad.
But, with no "fault-based" divorce, it doesn't matter what her actions were,
and there are no kids so....
>
>
bye,
--
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Quote: You'll have to talk to my attorney about that topic...
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Lincoln Spector
>but people believe what they want to believe, and
>frequently at the end of a marriage, they want to believe their STBX
>is as blameworthy as possible.
How true. I often fantazied<sp> that I CAUGHT my wife cheating on me,
because it would give me a legitimate reason to be as mad at her as I
was. I knew logically that it wasn't so.
Lincoln
Mary D. Brown
(Friedmanb) wrote:
> Marla Brunker <bru...@delphi.com> wrote: (edited)
>
> > people believe what they want to believe, and
> >frequently at the end of a marriage, they want to believe their STBX
> >is as blameworthy as possible.
> > there's a thousand things she could be doing
> >besides rolling around with someone else, including sitting alone
> >in some respectable public place, feeling completely miserable and
> >wondering how things got to this state.
>
> A very compassionate respost, Marla. When a relationship ends, people
> dump all their own bad feelings onto the other person. They forget about
> the humanity of the person they once loved and instead just imagine the
> worst about them. It does not have to happen but it does happen all too
> often.
>
> I sometimes wonder where are all the bad s2bx's talked about on this group
> -- the sluts, the borderlines, the self-centereds, the pathological
> liars, the abusers, the drunks, etc. My own feeling is that we hear from
> the spouse with the access to the computer, period. That is the main
> thing which distinguishes the members of this group from their
> ex-partners.
Bob,
Hear, hear! Truly, from the way the non-a.s.d spouses are talked about on
this group, it's a wonder any of these marriages were entered into in the
first place. And I agree with you 100% we're hearing from the spouse with
the computer, and are getting a one-sided story.
I can see my STBX for the basically good person he is. He and I were a
terrible couple, but separately, we're good people. We'll never be
friends, yet I hope we always remain friendly for our kids. And it's
working out that way. And like you said, what is gained by dumping your
own bad feelings on the other person? It's the kids who lose, in that
scenario.
--
Mary D. Brown
ma...@wolfenet.com, ma...@eskimo.com
Check out my Home Page at http://www.eskimo.com/~maryb
Philip Gleason
infidelity, I need to vilify my wife. Not exactly
to vilify her but to feel in a way that
counteracts the feeling of love which I still
maintain. My biggest fear is that I will
continue as before. I will make the compromise and
go on feeling untrusting towards whom I am married
to. A spouse who cheats and continues to with out
reqret, is a violation of humane behavior ,MHO.
My mind has evaluated the situation and determines
its lost. I need to make a clean decision and get
on with my life.
It is amazing to me how reading the stories on
ASD, the common threads that exist. It would be
wise for all those who are married to review the
problems here that can happen. If I did I might
have been able to see it coming