Funny answering machine messages (-:
astri
these were posted to asar as part of a longer list of em. we thought
some of them were really funny, and the folks here on asd would
appreciate them :)
the funnies are after our sig...
astri #AKA pink bunnies#
`o'_*
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
\|/(((( \|/ All conditions are temporary
~@-/@ @\-@~
//| ) |\\ as...@asu.edu
(( \ 0 / )) bun...@asarian.org
\\^- ~ -^// anon...@anon.twwells.com
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> Answering Machine Messages
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>
> We're sorry. You have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your
> phone 90 degrees and try again.
>
> Hi, this is Ed. I'm secretly replacing Faisal and Bob with dark
> sparkling Folger's Crystals. Leave your name, number, and a brief message
> and they'll call you back when they're nice and percolated. See if you can
> tell the difference.
>
> WE ARE BORG. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. But we're
> not home right now. So leave a message at the tone, and we'll assimilate
> you later.
>
> Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.
> Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one
> of these magnets.
>
> Hello, this is Ron's toaster. Ron's new answering machine is in the
> shop for repairs, so please leave your message when the toast is done...
> (Cachunk!)
>
> Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
> Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
>
> Hello, this is KVKE, you're on the air.
> (or) Hello, you're caller number nine!
>
> (Very fast:) Hi, this is 904-4344. If you want to leave a message,
> please wait for the tone. If you want to leave your name and number,
> please press pound, press 3, then dial your name, then press 6 and dial
> your number. If you want to leave your name and just a message, press
> star, press 6, ask for extension 4443, then leave your name and message.
> If you want to leave your number and the time you called, please press
> star twice, spin in a circle, press 1 twice, talk loud and BEEP
>
> I can't come to the phone now because alien beings are eating my
> brain. Leave a message anyway, and after the alien beings assume my shape,
> one of them will get back to you.
>
> I can't come to the phone now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid
> talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could
> help me out by leaving my name and telling me something about myself.
> Thanks.
>
> (Rod Serling imitation:) You're dazed, bewildered, trapped in a world
> without time, where sound collides with color and shadows explode. You see
> a signpost up ahead -- this is no ordinary telephone answering device...
> You have reached, "The Twilight Phone".
>
> Thank you for calling 434-2322. If you wish to speak to Tim, push 1 on
> your touch tone phone now. If you wish to speak to Lynn, push 2 on your
> touch tone phone now. If you have a wrong number, push 3 on your touch
> tone phone now.
> All of this button pushing doesn't do anything, but it is a good way
> to work off anger, and it makes us feel like we have a big time phone
> system.
>
> This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast
> System. This is only a test.
>
> I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to
> the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message,
> but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you
> I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it... I mean, like, wait,
> gosh. This is so confusing.
>
> (Recorded directly from AT&T:) We're sorry, but the number you dialed
> is disconnected or no longer in service.
>
> The number you have reached, 226-0477, has been changed. The new
> number is 226-0477. Please make a note of it.
>
> You have reached the number you have dialed. Please leave a message
> after the beep.
--
For more information about this service, send e-mail to:
he...@anon.twwells.com -- for an automatically returned help message
ad...@anon.twwells.com -- for the service's administrator
ano...@anon.twwells.com -- anonymous mail to the administrator
willow / ladyblue
these were posted to asar as part of a longer list of em. we thought
some of them were really funny, and the folks here on asd would
appreciate them :)
the funnies are after our sig...
astri #AKA pink bunnies#
cool astri. i have a file i've been saving too, here it is :)
============================
Subject: answering machine msgs (long)
> From: jrv <penguin>
>> So, should I post my compendium of odd answering
>> machine messages again?
> Yes! most resoundingly, YES!
Okay. You asked for it...
=== From the Spam computer archives [my comments in brackets] ===
> Newsgroups: net.jokes
> Subject: answering machine messages
> Date: 6 May 86 22:46:41 GMT [dig the date -- this is an old archive!]
You're the kind of person who knows what to do when they
reach an answering machine. <beep>
You have reached the Association for the Abolition of Answering
Machines. Our hours are 8 to 5:30 Monday through Friday. If you
have some information regarding the misuse of answering machines,
please leave your name, phone number, time and date of your call,
your business phone, your mailing address, and a short description
of the nature of your complaint. Thank you. <beep>
This is one of those fabulous "gag" answering-machine messages
you've probably been hearing about. For a tape of this and
8 other hilarious messages, please leave your name and Visa or
Mastercard number at the sound of the beep <beep>.
You have reached the Austin Counseling and Therapy Center. Our
hours are 9:00 to 4:30 Tuesday through Friday. Please leave
a message when you hear the scream. <aiiy..>
I'm not home, and I was going to leave a really short message
so that you wouldn't have to listen to this crap, but then
realized it would be confusing to some people because they
would hear an abnormally long pause before the beep and would
be confused if they should wait or perhaps this machine didn't
beep or maybe it was just a very quiet beep that <beep>
*** <beep!> ***
I was calling a Tower records once and got the wrong number.
It was some guy who had an answering machine message that went like this:
"I have no girlfriends. No one at work has ever called me. My parents
live in New Hampshire and don't have a phone. I don't owe any money,
and I'm almost always home. You probably have the wrong number, but in
case I missed something, leave a message at the noise." <beep>
My brother is an accomplished amateur pianist. His message begins with a
Beethoven piano concerto. After a few seconds his voice comes in on top of
the music:
"Hi, this is Steve. I can't come to the phone right now---I'm on the john.
Please leave your message at the end of the first movement."
After a few more seconds, the piece comes to an end and you hear the beep.
>
> Unfortunately, many machines stop the outgoing message themselves
> after two seconds. This makes mine somewhat less comprehensible, but
> it still manages to get some laughs:
>
> "The Helene Blavatsky Astral Correspondence School congratulates you
> on successfully passing the second test of your progress in psychic
> development by being perceptive enough to call this number, ###-####.
> If you feel you are ready for the third test, answer the following
> questions at the sound of the tone: [long pause]" [BEEP!]
>
> I would heartily love to make that pause a bit longer. Ah, well.
>
I used to use that "feature" myself. I'd record a message (serious, or
silly, depending on my mood), wait about six seconds, and then say something
like "Okay, silly, you stopped talking and now you'll have to call back!"
See, the machine had VOX (voice-activated switching) and if the caller
paused for a few seconds, OR spoke in a droning monotone, it would hang up
on them.... after playing the tail end of my message tape. :-)
My current message:
"Greetings! You have reached a wrong number. However, due to the
miracles of modern science you will now be able to leave a message and
be put in touch with the person you thought you wanted to speak to."
And the one before that:
"Greetings! I'm all tied up at the moment; however, if you'll leave
a message at the beep I'll be glad to call you back just as soon as these
two ladies are through with me." (muffled lovemaking noises)
I had some friends whose machine said:
"Scott and Paul aren't home right now. They are in another dimension.
A dimension of space, a dimension of time...<etc.>
So you'd better leave them a message at the tone, or you may have
to deliver it yourself--in THE TWILIGHT ZONE."
With appropriate background music, of course...
> Hi, I'm Max, Susie's cat. I'm not allowed to talk to strangers, and
> Susie's not home, so you'll have to leave a message on the machine.
> I'll be shure that she gets it though...
My ex-boyfriend put a bunch of really weeiird messages on his
machine. Apparently there was an LP released at some point
which had a recording of the Apollo launch so he had:
"5...4....3....2....1....RRRUUUMMMBBBBLLLEEE....WE HAVE
LIFTOFF... <pause> Pete and Roger can't come to the phone
right now, but if you leave your name and number they'll
be sure to return your call when they come down to earth."
There was also a message featuring the first few bars of
the Lone Ranger theme (at pretty high volume) and "Hi. This
is Pete. Roger and I are busy right now <POW! BLAM! gallop
gallop gallop> but if you leave your name and number ..."
(This one my mother hated)
And one of his friends had a whole series of messages,
taped by various friends. He lived in a small apartment
in Hollywood and his tape messages featured Trixie, the
Valley Girl skateboard instructor, a butler (exceedingly
British), a valet, an upstairs maid, a cook, a tennis
instructor, an extremely seductive SO... rotated on about
a 3 or 4-day basis...
>There's a whole book of answering machine messages, called
>"No hang-ups". I think my roommate got it from a mail-order
>catalog or something. Anyway, here's the one we have on right
>now:
>You have reached [] . We just want to let you know that
>the 110 volt current that runs this machine is also wired
>to an adorable little kitten. If you hang up without leaving
>a message, the circuit will be completed and FRY the kitten.
>It's your choice.... (in background: meaoww!)
>
I have the book, and used sound effects - my roommate meowing and a
pseudo-30,000 volt generator.
We got MOOOOOORE hangups that week... ("FRY THE CAT! *click*")
The next week, we put on...
"Hello, you've reached Tom and Phil's place. You may recall that
last week we had the answering machine wired up to a 30,000 volt generator
that would fry a fluffy little kitten if you hang up without leaving a
message.
Well, I guess you people don't like cats.
We went through seventeen fluffy little kittens last week.
Since we're out of fluffy little kittens, we now have a mangy old
tomcat that will only get fried IF you leave your name and number..."
Another time, I started out with a Tijuana Brass trumpet fanfare.
("...some fanfare, huh? Leave your name and number...")
My best friend called, and spent two minutes telling me how strange
I was.
One day, my roommate accidentally erased the message. I simply pushed
the record button and SCREAMED. We liked it so much, we left it on there
for a week.
My favorite phone message was one I heard on a friend's machine in
Palo Alto. It goes like this:
[said in Humphrey Bogart-imitation voice]: "Hi, this is your old
pal Bogey speaking. I'm not in right now. If your hear the tone,
and don't leave a message, you'll regret it. Maybe not today,
and maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life."
"Hi, the farrier isn't in right now, but I'm the little man who turns
off the light when he shuts his refrigerator door. He's asked me to
answer the phone too, so when you hear the beep, say something."
(This belonged to a farrier I knew in Tennessee, who also did great
imitations of irate geese!)
"This is an answering machine. If you don't know what to do next,
you're someone I don't want to talk to."
"Oh, hell, I'm an answering machine. Why don't you hang up without
leaving a message. Then Linda won't call back, won't leave a message
on your machine, and all this answering machine nonsense stops with
this *beep*."
But the weirdest answering machine message I've ever gotten came when
I called the ex-apartment of a friend to find out when the funeral
was. His voice came on "Hi, I'm out slopping the caribous, so you'll
have to leave a message. I'll get back to you when I can."
Not that weird, out of context, but given that I'd just heard he'd
died, it was bizarre (NO, DON'T THROW ME OFF THE NET! I MEANT WEIRD,
OR UNUSUAL, OR EVEN RUMORED, NOT B_____E! HONEST!)
*** REPLACE THIS LINE WITH YOUR MESSAGE, AFTER THE BEEP ***
I used to have the following on my answer machine:
It's the ninth inning, the bases are loaded and Nola is up to bat.
The pitcher throws the ball, Nola swings and hits it high in the
air. The other team struggles to catch the ball as Nola streaks
towards home. An inch from home base an outfielder catches the
ball and Nola is OUT! But she'll be home soon, so please leave
a message after the beep.
I used to regularly get wrong numbers that left messages saying
this was funny. I also used to have friends tell me they were
tired hearing it (gets old fast).
Steven Wright says his answering machine plays 'a busy signal'!!!
A previous message inspires this idea: call numbers that are slight
pertabations (sp?) of your own number (swapped digits, etc) until you find
one that generates a phone-company message you like (including a playback
of the "misdialed" number). Record that message and let any late-night
callers get it. Should drive them crazy trying to dial your number
correctly.
My answering machine message starts with "Hi! If you're too important
to talk to an answering machine, hang up! If you're capable of lucidly stating
the subject of your call in 30 seconds please do so at the tone.
Otherwise leave your name and number and I'll get back to you at my
convenience."
<Mission Impossible theme song in background>
Good Day, Mr. Phelps. R. Vetter has recently been kidnapped
by M. Khadaffi and is being held for ransom. Your mission -
should you choose to accept it - is to raise $5,000,000
from the theft of girl scout cookie money and send it to
[insert your address or that of your favorite brothel]
and if that doesn't work, leave your name and message.
This message will self destruct NOW <beep>
Cynthia and I are in the other room with the latest copy of
Penthouse Forum. We regret that we can't answer the phone
personally, but we're sure that if you were in our position
you'd take some time to get untangled too. Leave your name
and message at the beep.
others include variations on miscellaneous TV shows:
"Hi there boys & girls" <in best Mickey Mouse voice>
"What time is it ?" "It's Howdy Doody time"
songs:
"Leave it, Leave it - figure your response and leave it"
"How will I know if you don't leave a message ..."
books:
"Rob can't come to the phone right now <sound of toilet
flushing>, but ..."
I still favor the direct approach:
"I'm not here! Who are you and what do you want?"
Sure, it intimidates people, but they never have any trouble answering....
My friend Lois (HURT ME BABY!!!) has this on her machine:
MALE VOICE: Lois can't come to the phone right now . . .
LOIS: Help! Help!
Male: She's tied up!
Lois: Oh! Beast! Get your hands off me . . .
(More dirty sounds, somewhat unintelligible)
>If you call a friend of mine, you hear him say "Hello". You then say
>something to the effect of "Hi. How's it going?", only to be interrupted
>about halfway through your question with "Hah! I am just a machine! Don't
>you feel dumb now? Anything you say after the tone will be passed on to
>Noel."
>
>The length of the pause you leave between the "hello" and the rest of
>the message is critical.
> A friend of mine had his answering machinr set up with this message:
> "Hello Hello? ... Could you speak up please? .... I still can't hear you.
> ..... " BEEP
>
My favorite goes, "Please leave your message between the two beeps."
which is then followed by two beeps ... about a quarter-second apart.
My current answering machine message is the following (hhgttg reference):
"Hi there! This is Eddie, Alan Rosenthal's answering
machine! I'm feeling just great, guys, and I know I'm
going to get a bundle of kicks out of any message you
would care to relate through me!"
If you think it's funny, you may be the first!
I had this one on until the rest of my family noticed....
... in a shrill voice:
"Hello, will you hold please?"
... long pause ...
"Thank you for holding, you may leave your message now." BEEP
Another ....
"Hello" <pause> "Oh, I'm sorry, they aren't home right
now, but I can take a messsage" BEEP
A friend of mine told me a classic gag he fell for. It seems he was apartment-
hunting, and he came across one listing that he was interested in. The ad gave
a phone number and told him to ask for Brian. So he called. It rang and was
answered. He heard "hello" and he asked if Brian was home. There was a pause,
and he heard "No, may I take a message?" He started leaving his message and
was halfway through it when he heard "Beeeeep". It freaked him so bad he
slammed the phone down. Apparently Brian had specially prepared and timed his
tape, anticipating responses to his ad. My friend said it was so well done
that he had no clue that he was talking to a machine until he heard the beep.
Some friends of mine have the following message:
"This is Tommy Finagen (sp?). Dan, Nancy, Andy, Lynn and uh, Morgan Fairchild
are not home right now. They're out sail... ski... hang-gliding, yeh, that's
the ticket. If you leave a message they'll call you right back from
their ... car phone, yeh, that's it."
"Hello. You have reached my answering machine. That means I'm not
home, but you get to pay for the call anyway. Nyahhh!!! Ppphhhhtttt!!"
With the advent of cellular phones, this scenario may not be far off:
"Hello. You have reached my car. But I'm not in it right now,
so please leave your message after the beep. <car horn>"
A friend's sister has a very deep-voiced male freind on her answering
machine that says in a Psychotic Manic Monster From Hell voice:
HI! THIS IS KATHY. I'M NOT MYSELF RIGHT NOW. BUT IF YOU
LEAVE A MESSAGE I'LL GET BACK TO YOU WHEN I'M FEELING BETTER.
She's gotten many a paniced silence followed by a click.
I had one recording that consisted of some exceptionally psychedelic Jefferson
Airplane music ("Chushingura", I think) that consists primarily of a lot of
different notes, bells, beeps, whistles, etc. Very spacey. The voiceover was:
"Hello, Planet Earth. I can't talk to you in realtime, but if you want you can
leave a message as soon as you hear the tones..." (emphasis on the plural).
Since most of the tape WAS tones, I usually got a few seconds of dead air
until the caller realized it was her/his turn.
About answering machines talking to each other -- I've gotten messages that
turned out to be machines trying to convince mine to get dairy deliveries.
Dick is out. Jane is out. Spot
is out. This is their answering machine.
I am in. The beep is in. At the sound
of the beep leave your name. At the
sound of the beep leave your message.
<Beep!>
> From: r...@mit-eddie.MIT.EDU (Randy Haskins)
Suggestions wanted....
My wife and I just got an answering machine as a gift. We want
to think of a greeting message funnier or more interesting than
the old ' Peter and Esther are not in right now but if you'll
leave a message at the beep we'll get right back to you.' BORING!
Of course, if we wanted to be nasty we could have it say 'The number
you have reached, 2-5-0-8-3-0-7, is not in service at this time. Please
check the number and try again' 250 8307 is one digit off from the
real one. Or a recording that somehow implies that they've dialed a
very expensive long-distance call by mistake. 'Scotland Yard, Hello'.
etc..
But we don't want to be nasty, just funny. I heard one on TV.
Sound of artillery fire in the distance. A lone harmonica plays
Red River Valley. A voice, barely past adolescence... 'Sarge...
Sarge?' A gruffer voice responds. 'Yeah, kid what is it?'
'Sarge.....do you ever...do you ever get scared?' 'Sure, kid,
I guess everybody does' 'Well....then...then what do you do about
it, Sarge?' 'Well, kid, I wait for the tone and then I leave my
name and a short message. Joe always gets back to me.' 'Thanks
Sarge' <beeeep>
We used this one when sharing a house back in '82:
<blowing wind> <creak of door hinge> ...you have found Hill
House...The ghosts are busy haunting right now. But leave a
name and a number...and maybe they'll come and haunt you!
<woman's scream changing to maniacal laugh>...
"Lunatic Laboratories Unlimited, may I help you?" <beep>
"Hello? <pause> Hello? <pause> I can't hear you. I guess that's 'cos
I'm not at home right now. But if you'll leave a message, I'll be sure
to get back to you..."
Of course there was the time I copied the first bit from Pink Floyd's
_Brain Damage_ onto the tape. "The lunatic is on the grass/the lunatic
is on the grass/remembering games and daisy chains and laughs/got to
keep the loonies on the path." <beep>
"You've reached the Lunatic Laboratories Unlimited Food and Drug
Testing Division. We've eaten all the food, and now we're taking the
drugs. If you'll leave a message on this machine, I'm sure we can get
back to you as soon as we can tell which end of the phone to talk into.
Thank you." <beep>
"Me and my partner Ed have been looking into the stress caused by phone
answering machines and we find that it is much easier to tolerate those
stupid messages if you have a Bartles and Jaymes Premium White Wine
Cooler. So instead of getting mad and slamming down the phone, take a
drink and leave a message. Thank you for your support." <beep>
"You have reached 666-1313, DIAL-A-DEMON. At the sound of the tone you
will be possessed." <beep>
"Terribly sorry, but you've reached an answering machine." <beep>
"At the sound of the tone, YOUR telephone's going to EXPLODE!" <beep>
(If you've seen the Monty Python episode where the announcer comes on
and says "And now, it's time for the penguin on top of your television
set to explode!" you'll know what sort of voice to use.)
Now, you need to get this read into your machine by your nearest deadpan
air traffic controller type voice...
"SAC Missle Control. Good day Mr. President.
We are presently holding at T minus 2 minutes
into the first strike countdown. To authorize
resumption and launch, merely hang up without
leaving a message.
<pregnant pause>
On the other hand, if you do not wish to destroy
the world, or merely wanted to speak to <your name>,
leave your message after the beep."
I found that something along the line of "Have a sunny 4th of July; leave your
message" works great. Along about New Year's, the responses get quite
interesting.
Also, I once made a recording that featured some Jefferson Airplane music
(Chushingura?) and a suitable voiceover. That "music" featured very many
tones, and it was pretty hard to figure out which was the real one...
For a while, my answering machine pleaded with people to talk to it, because
its owner was never around and it got lonely. This message was my reaction
to some no-information-content replies to a previous message.
Finally, there's "Hello? <pause> Hello? <pause> Is someone there? I can't
hear you. <pause> Well, since I can't hear you, why don't you leave a message
and I'll reply when I CAN hear you? <BEEP>"
From: David <204...@rutmvs1.rutgers.edu>
Subject: Re: answering machine msgs
Among those I've used on my machine...
"Hi. This is David. As you can tell, I'm not here to take your
call, but don't discount the possibility that I'm hiding
somewhere in your home."
"When you hear the tone, you will have no conscious memory of the
instructions you've just been given. You will simply carry them
out."
"At the tone, the time will be 1:32 exactly. _Your_ time,
however, may vary."
"I can't come to the phone right now, but I'll get back to you if
you leave your message after the tone. If you're not sure which
tone I mean, play it safe by leaving your message after every
tone you hear for the next 24 hours."
"If you're hearing this message, then presumably you're trying to
talk to me when I've got something better to do. And if that's
the case, then there's only one thing I can recommend. [Taped
voice of woman from TV commercial:] `Call the Love Line. I
think it'll be really good for you.'"
[A few seconds of screaming and grunting from the scene in _Stay
Hungry_ in which Robert Englund gets kicked in the groin. Then]
"Sorry; I dropped the phone."
"Hi. This is David, and you're about to find out what it
would've been like to have a conversation with me if I'd never
been born."
"Leave a message, but bear in mind that if your message contains
any sort of suckling noises that I can't identify, you won't be
called back."
"I can't come to the phone right now, so just leave your message
after you hear the sound of pigs being slaughtered. Oh, I'm
sorry; that's just sort of a fantasy of mine. In reality, you'll
be leaving your message after a mundane little tone."
"Here's an interesting fact. The invention of the answering
machine was predicted by Nostradamus. However, he never did
foresee the invention of the telephone itself, so the whole thing
just really confused him and he tried not to talk about it too
much."
"I can't come to the phone because I'm out battling the forces of
evil wherever they make themselves manifest. Leave a message."
[The first person to hear that message was my psychiatrist's
secretary. She sounded concerned.]
"If you were hoping to reach David's answering machine, well, you
can just click your heels and let out a _whoop_ of delight,
because that's what you've done."
"When you hear the tone, tell me who you are and what you want me
to apologize for, and I'll get to it as soon as I can."
"I've rigged up my answering machine in such a way that if you
hang up without leaving a message, you'll never get a dial tone
again. You think about that."
"If you leave a message, good fortune will come to you within a
week. DON'T--BREAK--the CHAIN."
"I've seen people do some pretty rude things in my day--but
calling me when I'm not even _home_? That clinches it."
"Hi. This is David, just reminding you that leaving a message on
my machine is not a right. It's a privilege."
"Evidently you've called me at a really inappropriate time. So
after you leave your message, maybe you'll take a moment to think
about what you've done."
"The fact that I'm not picking up the phone doesn't mean you're
not special to me. [Laughter.] Oh, who am I kidding? Of
_course_ it does."
"It's really amazing that you called, because I was just
_thinking_ about you."
"Hi. This is David. To make up for the fact that I didn't
answer your call _this_ time, I'm going to answer your _next_
call _twice_!"
"I can't come to the phone--well, I _could_ come to the phone--
what the hell, I think I _will_ come to the phone...no, I can't.
I can't come to the phone." [People told me that they actually
half-expected me to pick up.]
"I can't come to the phone right now, but that's just the most
obvious manifestation of a broader problem."
"Hello. This is David, and I see you've fallen into my little
_trap._"
"When you hear the tone, leave a message and I'll call you back.
The whole thing is gonna go off like clockwork. Nothing can
possibly go wrong."
"Being unable to take your call is the most humiliating thing
that's ever happened to me. Won't you lessen my shame by leaving
a message?"
"Hi. I can't come to the phone right now. If this is one of my
parents, well, I hate to break it to you so impersonally, but--
Mom, Dad, I'm gay. [Laughter.] Just kidding."
[an actual recording of Sally Field saying...] "And I can't deny
the fact that you like me! Right now! You like me!"
deag
cracked me up astri
;)
thanks!
ndizi
' unfortunately, i don't have an answering-machine, but my therp has
one, i'll give you the number now: ............... please don't forget
to mention that it's a message for me. thanx'
monique
i loved this post, astri. thanks..we needed
to laff some today real bad and this helped.
ours should be..
we might be here or not, sometimes we are not
sure! if we aren't here, please leave your name
and tell us who we are and where we are. if we
are here and don't know it, could you please tell
us why? do i know me? and do i know you, and
if so, how do you know me? and are you sure it's
me that you know? cuz, frankly we are not sure...
also, leave the month, day and year of your message,
and if it's day or night, your birthday, pet's name,
and oh, yeah, your name and phone number.
and don't forget to BEEP when you are finished.
thank you..
oh yes..if any of us owe you money, this is the
wrong number. hang up immediately!