Why Amsterdam is cool
David Pacheco
Schipol (as in "Airport") means "Ship Hole".
THE END! No, wait, there's more.
As I was leaving the airport, I felt thirsty, thanks in part to the flu
that was beginning to ravage my body. So I went into a supermarket
right within the airport mall. Who does their shopping in a airport?
I'm not talking just duty-free stuff, I'm talking the whole deal, down
to fresh potatoes and a vast selection of cheeses.
I turn a corner around a rack, and I'm faced with...
Orbitz. Loads and loads of Orbitz, in the following flavors:
- Vanilla Orange
- Blueberry Melon
- Raspberry Citrus
- Pineapple Banana
(Imagine those names with every other letter turned upside down, inside
out, downside into, latterwise above, and untowards from)
So I bought some. Blueberry Melon, if you have to ask. I had already
tried the Raspberry Citrus in Boston when Kibo and Sammie and Matt and I
went to the MUSEUM! OF! SCIENCE! It tasted about the same as I
remembered.
Here's what's interesting though: Orbitz in Holland has COMPLETELY
different ingredients that in the U.S.! For example:
Orbitz in U.S. In Holland
-------------------------------------------------
Water Vatten
Sugar Starkelsesirap
Globules Surhetsreglerande medel: E330, E331
Toxic Waste Geleringsmedel: E418
Powdered Pez Socker
Pond scum Buteljerad under kontroll av: CLEARLY
CANADIAN BEVERAGE CORP
-------------------------------------------------
Needless to say, I was slightly confused. I tried saying "Buteljerad"
three times, but the clerk just slapped me. WHY DO THEY USE 'VATTEN'?
WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD AMERICAN WATER? And why do they use
'socker'? WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD AMERICAN FOOTBALL?!
OTHER THINGS THAT CONFUSED ME IN THE AMSTERDAM AIRPORT SUPERMARKET:
- AKA Miso Soup. What was its original name, and why is it travelling
to Holland incognito? WHAT DOES MY MISO SOUP HAVE TO HIDE! Maybe
that's not really tofu.
- 4 foot long cheese logs
- INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED BACON SLICES! You can buy one slice of bacon at
a time, and cook them on the same tin foil on which you're heating up
your heroin!
- Beer in two-liter bottles. With handles. "Christoffel" beer. How's
the beer? It's Christ-awful! Or is it Christ-offal? HOLY SH*T!!!
IT'S BEER!
- A birthday card with a frog on the front, apparently making the
following noise: "KWAAK! KWAAK!". THAT'S NOT A FROG! THAT'S A DUCK!
THE FROGS IN HOLLAND ARE CONFUSED!
As I noted in a previous post, people in Greece make these strange
noises when they speak, but apparently if you replace those strange
noises with the words that they are actually *trying* to say, you
realize that they are really speaking normal English. Why they go
through the whole bother of learning this alternate method is beyond me,
but you know foreigners.
Anyway, I realized that people were making strange noises here in
Holland too, so I tried using some of the noises I picked up in Greece.
BUT THEY DIDN'T WORK! So apparently they change the whole noise
scheme every so often, because these noises worked just fine a few weeks
ago. Why go to all that trouble and expense? NO WONDER THERE'S A
TRADE GAP!!!
So I was going to make millions by producing a book that would "convert"
common English words and phrases into these noises that the foreigners
use, but now it appears that it would have to be updated every month or
so, so it's not really worth it.
-dp.
Sprachen zie Orbitz?
Noah A Christis
Pacheco) wrote:
[haha i snipped your orbitz]
>- AKA Miso Soup. What was its original name, and why is it travelling
>to Holland incognito? WHAT DOES MY MISO SOUP HAVE TO HIDE! Maybe
>that's not really tofu.
I like aka miso lots. Its original name would be "RED MISO SHIRO".
Draw your own conclusions. Then scan them and post them.
>- INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED BACON SLICES! You can buy one slice of bacon at
>a time, and cook them on the same tin foil on which you're heating up
>your heroin!
This is very practical and not limited to amsterdam. I am not sure why
it has not caught on in the USA. Do Americans like heroin cold?
>- Beer in two-liter bottles. With handles. "Christoffel" beer. How's
>the beer? It's Christ-awful! Or is it Christ-offal? HOLY SH*T!!!
>IT'S BEER!
I prefer my beer in three-liter cardboard boxes.
[snip! frog! snip! duck! kwak!kwak!]
[snip! greece! snip! gyro!]
[snip! holland! snip! mayonaise!]
[haha i snipped your orbitz again]
If you ever write a book on the strange noises that foreigners make,
please don't forget to include the strange noises foreign animals
make. It has been my experience that foreign animals make very
interesting sounds, much unlike native american animals which sound
very dull and mundane. Of course, cats in Japan are well known to say
"Nyaa Nyaa" which gets very annoying after a while. Also, I don't like
Greek turkeys.
love
haon
Paul Guertin
Christis) wrote:
> It has been my experience that foreign animals make very
> interesting sounds
There is a bird in Japan that, to my ears, sounds just like a
Japanese construction worker telling a truck to back up.
Paul Guertin
p...@sff.net
Clancy Dalebout
In Japan, all birds, and not just doves, cry.
--
Clancy Dalebout | fleegix!at!siam!nein!aracnet!com
A $6.00 minimum wage is not good for ego. It's for eggo.
Yeah, it's a waffle.
-- Kyoko Ikegami Dalebout
Matt McIrvin
david_...@lineone.net (David Pacheco) wrote:
>- Beer in two-liter bottles. With handles. "Christoffel" beer. How's
>the beer? It's Christ-awful! Or is it Christ-offal? HOLY SH*T!!!
>IT'S BEER!
I am going to make a worse pun:
It is called Christoffel beer because it makes you tenser.
Fortunately almost nobody got that pun. And the ones who did* are going
to send me long e-mail messages arguing that the pun is INCORRECT because
the referent of it is not actually an intrinsic coordinate-independent
entity, and therefore cannot accurately be referred to as tensorial, but
is, rather, merely the componennt representation in a given coordinate
system of the connection on the tangent bundle of a manifold.
* I am referring here to my former officemate, David, only he's
not reading this anyway.
--
Matt McIrvin http://world.std.com/~mmcirvin/
Clancy Dalebout
> HAW HAW HAW! THATS FUNNY BECAUSE FOR ANY CONNECTION WITH THE
> CHRISTOFFEL SYMBOLS \GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA THE QUANTITIES
> T^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA = \GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA-\GAMMA^\NU_\ALPHA_\MU FORM A
> TENSOR, CALLED THE TORSION TENSOR OF THE GIVEN CONNECTION, AND THE
> QUANTITIES \TILDE\GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA =
> 1/2(\GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA+\GAMMA^\NU_\ALPHA_\MU) ARE THE CHRISTOFFEL
> SYMBOLS OF A SYMMETRIC CONNECTION!
*sigh*
I swear I'll never get the hang of regular expressions.
Dag Right-square-bracket-gren
>Orbitz. Loads and loads of Orbitz, in the following flavors:
I know that feeling. Orbitz has a tendency to jump at you when you least
expect it.
>Orbitz in U.S. In Holland
>-------------------------------------------------
>Water Vatten
>Sugar Starkelsesirap
>Globules Surhetsreglerande medel: E330, E331
>Toxic Waste Geleringsmedel: E418
>Powdered Pez Socker
>Pond scum Buteljerad under kontroll av: CLEARLY
> CANADIAN BEVERAGE CORP
>-------------------------------------------------
Interestingly enough, that ingredients list is in Swedish.
Seems that supermarket got it's Orbitz from the same Swedish import company
that the Iranian store where I bough mine got theirs.
Scary.
>Needless to say, I was slightly confused. I tried saying "Buteljerad"
Buteljerad buteljerad buteljerad! Try "Buh-tell-ierud".
Actually one of the funnier Swedish words to shout out loud, repeatedly.
Means "bottled".
>three times, but the clerk just slapped me. WHY DO THEY USE 'VATTEN'?
>WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD AMERICAN WATER? And why do they use
>'socker'? WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD AMERICAN FOOTBALL?!
>- INDIVIDUALLY WRAPPED BACON SLICES! You can buy one slice of bacon at
>a time, and cook them on the same tin foil on which you're heating up
>your heroin!
Speaking of which, how was the coffee?
I)/\(, - Dag Agren - dag...@abo.fi - Goaway on IRC
Please don't go to http://www.abo.fi/~dagren/
-> Legalize oregano! <-
Ranjit Bhatnagar
>
> There is a bird in Japan that, to my ears, sounds just like a
> Japanese construction worker telling a truck to back up.
>
All doorbells in Taiwan sound like artificial electronic
twittering birds. These ubiquitious electronic modules
sound nothing like any real bird, EXCEPT FOR THAT NATIVE
TAIWANESE BIRD THAT SAT OUTSIDE MY OFFICE WINDOW AND RANG
ALL DAY CAUSING ME TO RUN TO THE DOOR EVERY FIVE MINUTES.
r.
(also Mr Huang's beat-up Ford played "Fur Elise" whenever he
put it in reverse.)
--
If I have not seen as far as others, CAN DEEP, DEEP FEELINGS BE
it is because giants have been standing EXPRESSED THROUGH PIXELS?
on my shoulders. http://www.pixeltime.com
Tim Serpas
>believe that. I can't.
I think I learned more about tensors from McIrvin's post than
from the undergrad tensor class in which I got a B.
Wretch
Clancy Dalebout
> All doorbells in Taiwan sound like artificial electronic
> twittering birds. These ubiquitious electronic modules
> sound nothing like any real bird, EXCEPT FOR THAT NATIVE
> TAIWANESE BIRD THAT SAT OUTSIDE MY OFFICE WINDOW AND RANG
> ALL DAY CAUSING ME TO RUN TO THE DOOR EVERY FIVE MINUTES.
And all the garbage trucks sound like ice cream trucks! Imagine
the potential for Taiwanese wackiness!
Nick S Bensema
Clancy Dalebout <fle...@shell2.aracnet.com> wrote:
>Ranjit Bhatnagar <ranjit> wrote:
>
>> All doorbells in Taiwan sound like artificial electronic
>> twittering birds. These ubiquitious electronic modules
>> sound nothing like any real bird, EXCEPT FOR THAT NATIVE
>> TAIWANESE BIRD THAT SAT OUTSIDE MY OFFICE WINDOW AND RANG
>> ALL DAY CAUSING ME TO RUN TO THE DOOR EVERY FIVE MINUTES.
>
>And all the garbage trucks sound like ice cream trucks! Imagine
>the potential for Taiwanese wackiness!
I'll have a chocolate eclair, a dried-out banana peel, twelve pieces
of Bazooka, two end-slices of bread, and a bag of apple cores.
--
Nick Bensema <ni...@primenet.com> 98-KUPD Red Card #710563 UIN: 2135445
~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
</BLINK>
the Ur-Beatle
Matt McIrvin wrote:
:)>It is called Christoffel beer because it makes you tenser.
then Richard S. Holmes intoned:
:)HAW HAW HAW! THATS FUNNY BECAUSE FOR ANY CONNECTION WITH THE
:)CHRISTOFFEL SYMBOLS \GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA THE QUANTITIES
:)T^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA = \GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA-\GAMMA^\NU_\ALPHA_\MU FORM A
:)TENSOR, CALLED THE TORSION TENSOR OF THE GIVEN CONNECTION, AND THE
:)QUANTITIES \TILDE\GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA =
:)1/2(\GAMMA^\NU_\MU_\ALPHA+\GAMMA^\NU_\ALPHA_\MU) ARE THE CHRISTOFFEL
:)SYMBOLS OF A SYMMETRIC CONNECTION!
... and a mysterious mist filled the room!
the mist soon condensed into a silvery disc about three feet
across which floated about knee-level. Matt McIrvin immediately
began piling sacks of gold onto the disc.
"NO! wait!" shouted Richard Holmes. "something's wrong!"
the disc began to rotate, slowly at first, then faster and
faster until all the gold was flung into the far corners of
the chamber! faster still the disc spun, until a faint voice
could be heard chanting "AOL loves you! AOL loves you!"
"SPELL BACKFIRE!" shrieked McIrvin.
the rotating disc blurred and a portal opened to reveal a
nearly-empty tavern. two men sat at an oaken table, stuffing
their faces with roasted game hens, oxen, deer, pigs, and
all manner of delicacies, rinsed away with numerous wines,
while a monotonous voiceover could be heard to describe how
each animal dish was prepared in imaginary ways.
then Gary Gygax exploded and covered John Cleese with filth.
the end.
--
cement jeans are asking buttoned-up farmhouses about patron ambiguity.
His Most Feathered Eminence, the Ur-Beatle
National Conspiracy Agency
> Schipol (as in "Airport") means "Ship Hole".
>
> THE END! No, wait, there's more.
>
I was taking CIS 450, with Belton as prof. My evenings I spent flying x-plane and and I would often download stuff from the interwebs to spruce up the scenery. I downloaded a custom Schipol airport one evening. The next day in class, prof decided to launch into a story about the gulf war, and how she and her computers were the first things deployed. When she got to the "schlepping gear through schipol" she looked right at me! If "they" were letting me know they knew I knew, or if this was just that alien thing going on, well, I am fine with either. But file this in the ABSOLUTELY TRUE file.
Until the next installemtn...
> that was beginning to ravage my body. So I went into a supermarket
> right within the airport mall. Who does their shopping in a airport?
> I'm not talking just duty-free stuff, I'm talking the whole deal, down
> to fresh potatoes and a vast selection of cheeses.
>
>
> Orbitz. Loads and loads of Orbitz, in the following flavors:
>
> - Blueberry Melon
> - Raspberry Citrus
> - Pineapple Banana
>
> (Imagine those names with every other letter turned upside down, inside
> out, downside into, latterwise above, and untowards from)
>
> So I bought some. Blueberry Melon, if you have to ask. I had already
> tried the Raspberry Citrus in Boston when Kibo and Sammie and Matt and I
> went to the MUSEUM! OF! SCIENCE! It tasted about the same as I
> remembered.
>
> Here's what's interesting though: Orbitz in Holland has COMPLETELY
> different ingredients that in the U.S.! For example:
>
> -------------------------------------------------
> Water Vatten
> Sugar Starkelsesirap
> Globules Surhetsreglerande medel: E330, E331
> Toxic Waste Geleringsmedel: E418
> Powdered Pez Socker
> Pond scum Buteljerad under kontroll av: CLEARLY
> CANADIAN BEVERAGE CORP
> -------------------------------------------------
>
> WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD AMERICAN WATER? And why do they use
> 'socker'? WHAT'S WRONG WITH GOOD OLD AMERICAN FOOTBALL?!
>
>
> to Holland incognito? WHAT DOES MY MISO SOUP HAVE TO HIDE! Maybe
> that's not really tofu.
>
>
> a time, and cook them on the same tin foil on which you're heating up
> your heroin!
>
> the beer? It's Christ-awful! Or is it Christ-offal? HOLY SH*T!!!
> IT'S BEER!
>
competeti...@gmail.com
> Anyway, I realized that people were making strange noises here in
> Holland too, so I tried using some of the noises I picked up in Greece.
> BUT THEY DIDN'T WORK! So apparently they change the whole noise
> scheme every so often, because these noises worked just fine a few weeks
> ago.
the door.
---