April 28 Puns
Tim Bruening
A cat nation: St. Kitts And Nevis.
Cuba: Sheeps in a line.
Tim Bruening
Thailand: A country that breaks even.
Ukraine: I Kraine, Ukraine, He Kraines, etc.
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening wrote:
> Tim Bruening wrote:
>
> > Poultry: Wood suitable for polish polish.
>
> Have you ever seen poultry in motion?
Poultry: Tree that grows long cylinders or asks people their opinions.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:3F64D428...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Event: Ventilation system on a computer or Internet.
> >
>
> Fan Club: Device for smashing same.
Unless the fan is protected by Fan Mail!
Tim Bruening
Subclass: What happens inside a school of fish.
Sublight: A type of underwater beer.
Sublight: Submarine that weighs little.
Tim Bruening
Foreplay: What golfers do.
Meanest: Where cruel birds live.
Meantime: A time to get nasty.
Mercantile: Oceanic floor covering.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Fri, 5 Nov 2004 20:42:48 -0000, "Raphael Kearns"
> <rap...@kearns.fsnet.co.uk> found these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"nemo" <ne...@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> >news:yPQid.35936$Bk6....@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >>
> >> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >> news:4189BB3B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >>> Packed Audience: Lots of suitcases in the auditorium.
> >>
> >>
> >> Auditorium: Place where Conservatives keep their Audinary cars.
> >>
> >>For those of us who cant Afford them
> >
> Haven't you Benz working?
Working: King of labor.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:418EA192...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> kamyknickers wrote:
>
> > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > news:WPA7c.132720$sw3....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:405EC13B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:405D89CF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Kimba: Asian sheep.
> > > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > Kimbo: Asian sheep standing in a funny way!
> > > >
> > > > Kimbo: Asian decoration?
> > > >
> > > Mary had a little lamb
> > > And round its neck - a bow.
> > > Of radioactive cloth it was!
> > > The poor damned thing did glow!
> > >
> > > As it's a bit obs cure . .
> > >
> > > Akimbo:
> > > adverb: with hands on hips and elbows extending outward
(Example:
"She
> > > stood there stark naked with her nostrils akimbo")
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > have you been peeping again?
>
> Peeping: Musical toilet.
Royal Flush: Ditto, but in Buckingham Palace.
Buckingham: A rodeo pig.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:418EA52D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:4189BBC6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:412D44C4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > dougal wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > On Mon, 15 Mar 2004 21:47:44 +1000, "Pollywolly"
<po...@atjfaq.com>
> > > > > > wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > >There used to be a weatherman called Jim Hickey on the
Channel
One
> > News
> > > > back
> > > > > > >in NZ. One night the visuals for the weather maps didn't
come
up.
> > So
> > > > when
> > > > > > >he turned to talk about the night's forecast there was a
black
> > screen.
> > > > He
> > > > > > >started off with "And tonight it's going to
be...............<turns
> > to
> > > > look
> > > > > > >at the side screen, sees nothing and turns back to the
> > > > audience>..........a
> > > > > > >very dark night.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > I watched one of those blooper shows once. The best bit
was a
> > Aussie
> > > > > > game show host who mistakenly asked a male contestant if
he had
a
> > > > > > boyfriend. The contestant replied "No, but I am gay".
<audience
> > > > > > laughs>
> > > > >
> > > > > Blooper: Price of blue.
> > > >
> > > > Cobalt: Connected rolls of cloth.
> > > >
> > > > Cerulian: Knight who's king over a guy called Ian.
> > > >
> > > > Ultramarine: A bionic naval soldier on steroids.
> > >
> > > Helium: Gas that cures.
> >
> > Oxygen: Gas that provides information to male cows.
>
> Seaborgium: Mechanical beings underwater.
>
I rutherford it was called "unnilhexium"!
A bewitching element?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:418EA00A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>
>
> Greg Evans wrote:
>
> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> >
> > > ... Talleyrand himself had already held a bishopric ...
> >
> > ...And we all know how much fun *that* can be....
>
> Bishopric: Penis of a bishop?
See: Peeping tom looking at it through his window.
Diocese: Coloured oceans.
Bullion: A male cattle/lion crossbreed.
Stallion: A horse/lion crossbreed.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Mon, 3 May 2004 13:15:48 -0400, "Harry Farkas" <hfa...@wowway.com> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >news:5ntc90lrs1oi515op...@4ax.com...
> >> On Mon, 3 May 2004 12:19:47 -0400, "Harry Farkas" <hfa...@wowway.com>
> >found
> >> these unused words floating about:
> >>
> >> >"How do you like my new blue jeans?" asked Tom warily. (He was reading
> >> >Levitucus at the time.)
> >>
> >> "They're very nice." "In fact they're the best I've ever seen you wear!",
> >> Levi straussed.
> >
> >Mrs. Tom wanted to wear jeans to work, but her boss said he'd docker pay.
>
> Perhaps she could wrangler casual Fridays?
Don't skirt the issue.
Tim Bruening
"The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
> Humor fans,
>
> The New Mr. Humor will be taking a week off to enjoy the holiday season.
> As a special holiday gift, here is an old "Humor of the Great Composers"
> from years gone by!!!
>
> Q: Why was the composer of "The Garden of Fand" always the first one out of
> the parking lot?
>
> A: Because he always backs his car in!!!
>
> HH: Backs. Bax. The great composer Sir Arnold Edward Trevor Bax (1883-1953)
> wrote "The Garden of Fand". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
Are you going to get a girl on her Bax?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4030799A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Forecast: 4 actors.
> >
> > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> >
> > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
>
> Send for the Okta-puss again!
Antsy: Ocean of ants.
Autopsy: Ocean of dead people, or ocean of car roofs.
Betsy: Casino ocean.
Pussy: Ocean of cats.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:40307AE4...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Rumble: Druken male cow.
>
> Possible: Male cow being chased by a deputised group of armed cowboys.
Is he a Mad Cow?
Tim Bruening
The unknowable wrote:
> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> news:p_3Yb.87762$cL.4...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > news:a69c46fe.04021...@posting.google.com...
> > > Commute: Silent computer.
> > >
> > > Compassion: Computer love.
> > >
> > > Comply: Wooden computer.
> > >
> > > Complex: Computer house.
> > >
> > > Ebay: Where computers can swim and fish E-fish-cent-lee.
> > >
> > > EC: Ocean of computers.
> > >
> > > Emotions: Computer feelings.
> > >
> > > Emotions: What happens during computer court proceedings.
> > >
> > > Irate: Price of Internet access.
> >
> > Bunch of idiots using linked computers: Nitwork.
> >
> RAM: Goat with a volatile memory.
>
> EPROM: Concert for junkies.
>
> BSOD: Curtain for Windows.
>
> Hardwear: Condom
>
> WinTel: Conned 'em.
>
> Intel inside: CPU in prison.
>
> Apple Mac: Raincoat for a fruit.
>
> USB: Small American honey maker.
>
> Defrag: Piece of cloth that can't hear.
CD: Ocean of electronic recording discs.
AB: One buzzing insect that makes honey.
ABCD: One disc of buzzing insect recordings
Honeywell: Well drilled or dug by an apine.
Barbie: Apine in jail.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Kathy <tnkt...@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
> news:o5hYb.4084$Fp5....@read1.cgocable.net...
> >
> > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > news:p_3Yb.87762$cL.4...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:a69c46fe.04021...@posting.google.com...
> > > > Commute: Silent computer.
> > > >
> > > > Compassion: Computer love.
> > > >
> > > > Comply: Wooden computer.
> > > >
> > > > Complex: Computer house.
> > > >
> > > > Ebay: Where computers can swim and fish E-fish-cent-lee.
> > > >
> > > > EC: Ocean of computers.
> > > >
> > > > Emotions: Computer feelings.
> > > >
> > > > Emotions: What happens during computer court proceedings.
> > > >
> > > > Irate: Price of Internet access.
> > >
> > > Bunch of idiots using linked computers: Nitwork.
> > >
> > E-flat: online apartment.
> >
> A-flat minor: What you find under a piano that's been thrown down a
> mineshaft!
B-flat: Under a piano that fell on a beehive.
Commit: To put a glove in a mental institution.
Econ: Rich Internet scam artist.
Icon: Another Internet scam artist.
Remittent: To put the glove in the tent again.
Tim Bruening
Perspirate: Price of sweat.
Perspire: Price of the top of the church.
Permission: Price of the entire church.
Tim Bruening
Kathy wrote:
> "Nehmo Sergheyev" <neh...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> news:pmz6b.1729$PE6....@newsread3.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
> > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
different
> > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
> >
> >
> We have a House of Hair locally. Can't wait for their staff to brush
up on
> their skills.
Does it serve rabbits?
Tim Bruening
Matting: Musical large item of bedding.
Bedding: Musical sleeping place.
Sleeping: Bell with the Zzzzzzs.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41265902...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > KIMEVANS <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
> > > news:WWvjc.782$TT....@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> > > > demanded: the man dinged once too often
> > > >
> > > Demanded: Demised satanic helper.
> >
> > Remanded: Man dies again.
>
> Remanded in Custody: Man dies by falling into flavoured cornflour or
eggs
> and milk again.
Custody: Swearing amphibian.
Tim Bruening
Looping: Toilet bell.
Looting: A toilet bell that steals.
Lupine: A toilet tree.
Lupine: A wolf tree.
Apine: A tree full of bees.
Tim Bruening
"Greg Evans" <gregIGN...@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote in message
news:<10cps51...@corp.supernews.com>...
> Dougal wrote:
>
> >>> Is it allowed pygthur post jokes here?
> >> We don't know - nobody's ever done it.
> >
> > I foolishly made an on topic post once.
>
> Must've slipped under our radar....
It was one of those zany bat winged Bee Too bombers.
Confirmatory: British Conservatives running a criminal company.
Tim Bruening
Eggplant: Plant that lays eggs.
Lactating: Musical milk.
Ovulating: Musical eggs.
Succubus: To suck in an entire mass transit vehicle.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
news:<4h6qc01f02t42bkss...@4ax.com>...
> On Sun, 13 Jun 2004 20:28:00 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> <gregIGN...@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote:
>
> >> I just have a good bit of expertise in citrus.
> >
> >That would explain the perpetual sour expression on Mrs. K's face.
>
> She never did like Key Lime pie.
Key Lime 3.1415926?
Tim Bruening
Copulating: Musical sex.
Hording: Musical prostitute.
Sporting: Musical fungus.
Tim Bruening
Concomitant: Against electronic ant gloves.
Concomitant: Criminal electronic ant gloves.
Consensus: Against tallies of populations.
Opalescent: A jewel of a penny.
Sextant: Ant on Viagra.
Tim Bruening
mike wheeEler wrote:
> In article <MzNsb.107886$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:
> >
> >
> >Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> >news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >> Subplot: Underwater farm.
> >>
> >Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret
still!!)
> >
> >Subarid: Underwater desert.
> >Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> >Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> >
> Subcranial: less than lofty thoughts
Subconscious: Aware underwater.
Intermission: Relations between churches.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EEF7B1...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > mike wheeEler wrote:
> >
> > > In article <vnchp51...@corp.supernews.com>,
jblv...@yahoo.com, Sy
> > Knight
> > > was looking at the world oddly when:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >Flatulent Dingo wrote ...
> > > >>
> > > >> Hello Nick,
> > > >>
> > > >> On Thu, 25 Sep 2003, at 13:57:43 [GMT-0700] (which was Fri,
6:57:43
> >
> > > >> Australian Eastern Time) you wrote:
> > > >> > Aye, they are a brogish lot. One was seen aubergine.
> > > >>
> > > >> I am green with envy.
> > > >>
> > > >>
> > > >She was well, red.
> > > >
> > > That happened when she noticed she was showing pink.
> >
> > Pink Lee: Sunburned Korean.
> >
> Crink Lee: 200 year-old Gypsy stripper.
Gypsy: Ocean of con artists.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EEF7C2...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> > >
> > > > So then "nemo" says to the farmer:
> > > > >
> > > > >A worker at Ford UK on the night shift went to sleep on the
> > production
> > > > >line and a parachutist crashed through the roof, landed on him
him
> > > > >and killed him stone dead.
> > > > >
> > > > >There you are. A die skiving pun!
> > > >
> > > > A skydiver was killed near us recently. As investigators pieced
it
> > > > together, when he pulled the ripcord, instead of opening there
was
> > just
> > > > a blaring sound. Turned out the outfitter at the airport
mistakenly
> > > > gave him a paratoot!
> > >
> > > What a mournfull tune!
> > >
> > > Blaring: Very loud ring.
> >
> > Gangrene: Earth First!
> >
> . . or a violent bunch of plants!
ELF: A very violent group of small legendary humanoids.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EEF81F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > dougal wrote:
> >
> > > On Mon, 15 Mar 2004 21:47:44 +1000, "Pollywolly"
<po...@atjfaq.com>
> > > wrote:
> > >
> > > >There used to be a weatherman called Jim Hickey on the Channel
One
> > News back
> > > >in NZ. One night the visuals for the weather maps didn't come
up.
> > So when
> > > >he turned to talk about the night's forecast there was a black
> > screen. He
> > > >started off with "And tonight it's going to
be...............<turns
> > to look
> > > >at the side screen, sees nothing and turns back to the
> > audience>..........a
> > > >very dark night.
> > >
> > > I watched one of those blooper shows once. The best bit was a
Aussie
> > > game show host who mistakenly asked a male contestant if he had a
> > > boyfriend. The contestant replied "No, but I am gay". <audience
> > > laughs>
> >
> > Blooper: Price of blue.
>
> . . . or the price of Bletty Bloop - or Hlelen Klane!
Betty: Tea drunk by gamblers.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EC92DA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> >
> > > On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnkt...@cogeco.ca>
found
> these
> > > unused words floating about:
> > >
> > > >
> > > >"Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in message
> > > >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> > > >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> > > >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > > >>
> > > >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > > >> > > On Wed, 03 Mar 2004 21:53:23 GMT, Palema
> <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> > > >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > >> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > >> > >>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > >> > >>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > >> > >>>>
> > > >> > >>>>
> > > >> > >>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me
to do
> in
> > > >> > >>>>> bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > > >> > >>>>
> > > >> > >>>> So you're his hoe?
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >>>
> > > >> > >> He must be a gay blade!
> > > >> > >
> > > >> > > If you take it in the bermuda shorts, you'll rye the day!
> > > >> >
> > > >> > Last time I was travelling my grass routes I got turfed out!
:-(
> > > >> >
> > > >> Probably by some sorry sod.
> > > >>
> > > >This is scaping up to be a really lawn thread.
> > > >
> > > Rototill for those who appreciate it, bummer otherwise.
> >
> > Bummer: Ocean of rear ends.
> >
> > Rear View Mirror: Mirror that shows your behind.
> >
> Asstronomical Telescope: Device through which you may look at Uranus!
Mercury: Very fast and hot car.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:41EC9580...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> >
> > > Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > > > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > > > news:404c33e6$0$31901$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...
> > > >> Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > > >>> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> > > >>> news:cknm40p4vm2aqc59e...@4ax.com...
> > > >>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 23:34:36 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> > > >>>> <mara...@spam.netscape.net> found these unused words
floating
> > > >>>> about:
> > > >>>>
> > > >>>>> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in
message
> > > >>>>> news:20040306173115.54c86b5d@WizardsTower...
> > > >>>>>> On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 10:06:32 -0800
> > > >>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > >>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 01:45:09 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > >>>>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words
floating
> > > >>>>>>> about:
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> nemo wrote:
> > > >>>>>>>>> Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > > >>>>>>>>> news:nts1c.7352$V%4.6...@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > > >>>>>>>>>> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > >>>>>>>>>>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants
me to
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>>> do in bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>> So you're his hoe?
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>>> He must be a gay blade!
> > > >>>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>>> Careful. He might rapier!
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>>> I will never foil in love :-(
> > > >>>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>>> She's just a parry girl until they dagger away.
> > > >>>>>>>
> > > >>>>>> Oh, who will saber from such a fate?
> > > >>>>>>
> > > >>>>> It's an old story... the spirit is willing, but the fleche
is
> > > >>>>> weak.
> > > >>>>>
> > > >>>> Sheil's constant man hunt makes a baudry point. <G> Any man
who
> > > >>>> falls for her, will epee!
> > > >>>>
> > > >>> What with her octave imagination, I'd be en garde after that
one, if
> > > >>> I were you...!
> > > >>
> > > >> Thrust you lot to make fun of me!
> > > >> :-(
> > > >> Frankly your jokes are passé!
> > > >>
> > > > Bravo! But I doubt you'll star in a chic flick... those are
quite
> > > > obviously fake tierce.
> > > > Anyway, you know we were just bayonet the moon a bit~~ :-D
> > >
> > > Fake! Now I am really cross and hurt to the corps. Those tierce
were
> > > assault filled!!
> >
> > Pat Tern: Irish bird.
> >
> > Pat Ting: Irish/Chinese bell.
> >
> Pat Ternity: Being the father of a seabird.
Maternity, Paternity: Tea drunk by parents.
Tim Bruening
Jenni Saqua wrote:
> Did you see they brought back "America's Next Top Model"?
> They must be so confident we won't Tyra this show, they're taking it
to the
> Banks.
Will we Cindy?
Cindy: A female demon who violates the 10 Commandments.
Tim Bruening
>Larry Krzewinski wrote:
>> On 3 Nov 2004 00:36:15 -0600, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
>> <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
>>
>>>>>>>> Alan, where have you been hiding? You haven't posted much
>>>>>>>> lately.
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>> Living the life that I do have outside Usenet. You should look
>>>>>>> for one, too.
>>>>>>
>>>>>> Don't mention your life outside of Usenet! Last time all the
>>>>>> rocking, howling and head-banging almost tipped the bus over!
>>>>>
>>>>> Yeah. I still have a headache from it.
>>>>
>>>> Be glad the bus was short. If it had been a long
>>>> bus, the bonk on the head would make the ache
>>>> last longer.
>>>
>>> Is that the long and the short of it? I mean about Larry?
>>
>> Hey, Mos is the one who thinks that he's Longfellow.
>
>I can supply about 30 witnesses.
For sex?:)
Tim Bruening
"Frank A. Rosenbaum" wrote:
> "nemo" <ne...@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> news:yS4id.22738$Bk6....@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> >
> > Frank A. Rosenbaum <faros...@charter.net> wrote in message
> > news:10ohg85...@corp.supernews.com...
> >>
> >> "J. A. Mc." <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote in message
> >> news:0rifo09p0heapvueg...@4ax.com...
> >> > On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 08:39:29 -0600, Dr Tormento
<re...@togroup.com>
> > found
> >> > these unused words floating about:
> >> >
> >> >>"Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in
> >> >>news:10of68i...@corp.supernews.com:
> >> >>
> >> >>> I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman
> >> >>> behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her
> >> >>> uniform.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you
> >> >>> supposed to be?" I asked.
> >> >>>
> >> >>> The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
> >> >>
> >> >>
> >> >> Is this funny? Depends.
> >> >
> >> > Timmette has a Bounty of these ...
> >>
> >> Yeah, he's a real Brawny lad.
> >>
> > He's responsible for the dreaded yEnc too???
> >
>
> I had an Enc-ing feeling you would decode my message.
Decode: Secret demon.
Decold: Chilly demon.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189AF28...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41870AE5...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > news:4039B5AF...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > > > Holo: A popular prostitute position.:)
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hologram: A picture of same.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hologram: Message from a low prostitute.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Hologram: Lighter than a Holopound.
> > > > >
> > > > > Holocopter: Rotary-wing aircraft with no-one inside.
> > > > >
> > > > > Holon a minute! There's no need to gush, Dan!!
> > > >
> > > > Boinking: King of sex.
> > > >
> > > > Conking: King of falling asleep.
> > > >
> > > > No Bell Prize: Awarded to a school whose bell didn't ring.
> > >
> > > Hologram: Same as a telegram, except it's read to you over the
phone
> with
> > > lots of reverberation and echo.
> > >
> > > Conker: Someone agreeing about a chestnut.
> >
> > Conker: Against dogs.
> >
> I'll let that one Rotweiller nother pun forms in my mind!
Curtest: Dog exam.
Curvet: Dog in the army.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4189C800...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41858BF8...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Exporting: Bells sents overseas.
> > > >
> > > > Importing: Bells brought into this country.
> > > >
> > > > Porting: A bell with little money.
> > > >
> > > > Porting: Opposite of Starboarding.
> > > >
> > > > Porting: To bring the bells to port.
> > > >
> > > > Reporting: To bring the bells to port again.
> > >
> > > <oyster alert!>
> > > Katsn dogs: Poor canines.
> >
> > Why do you want to alert shelled sea life?
> >
> Oyster: English - mollusc; Hebrew - treasure, and hence my
interpretation -
> someone accustomed to saying 'Oy' every so often.
>
> Katsn: Hebrew - beggar, hence poor canines.
>
> You should have got all that from the context.
Context: Letters writting by prisoners.
nemo
>
> A cat nation: St. Kitts And Nevis.
>
> Cuba: Sheeps in a line.
Sheeps??
Where's your grammar?
Mine's in Kensal Green Cemetary!
http://www.xs4all.nl/~androom/dead/kensal.htm
nemo
>
> Thailand: A country that breaks even.
>
> Ukraine: I Kraine, Ukraine, He Kraines, etc.
Narr. It's lifting gear for raising very heavy female sheep and featured in
the first or second pun I ever posted on here:
"Me Tarzan. Ukraine!"
nemo
> > > Event: Ventilation system on a computer or Internet.
> > >
> >
> > Fan Club: Device for smashing same.
>
> Unless the fan is protected by Fan Mail!
You can order that stuff by sending a chain letter.
nemo
>
> Tim Bruening wrote:
>
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > Poultry: Wood suitable for polish polish.
> >
> > Have you ever seen poultry in motion?
>
> Poultry: Tree that grows long cylinders or asks people their opinions.
Lavatory: British Conservative who shits himself when a volcano goes off!
Lavatree: Dendritic shrub that shits itself when a volcano goes off.
Includes gymnosperms and angiosperms.
Gymnosperms: Naked Greek male gametes.
Angiosperms: The male gametes of a Cardiac Surgeon.
Spermatozoon: The unabbreviated form of 'sperm.'
Spermatozoom: Very high speed male gamete.
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
>
> Subclass: What happens inside a school of fish.
>
> Sublight: A type of underwater beer.
>
> Sublight: Submarine that weighs little.
Submariners will tell you off something rotten for calling it a sub!
Submarinade: A lot of submarines all going off at once, or a seasoned
mixture of vinegar, wine and oil used for soaking foods in the galley.
That ship's khookh with a bent spine would have used stuff like that - Casey
Wryback.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0105690/
First class film!
nemo
> Former: In favor of 4 oceans.
>
> Foreplay: What golfers do.
>
> Meanest: Where cruel birds live.
>
> Meantime: A time to get nasty.
>
> Mercantile: Oceanic floor covering.
Mercedes: A car that could have the same instead of carpets peeing all over
the place.
nemo
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Fri, 5 Nov 2004 20:42:48 -0000, "Raphael Kearns"
> > <rap...@kearns.fsnet.co.uk> found these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >
> > >"nemo" <ne...@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> > >>> Packed Audience: Lots of suitcases in the auditorium.
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Auditorium: Place where Conservatives keep their Audinary cars.
> > >>
> > >>For those of us who cant Afford them
> > >
> > Haven't you Benz working?
>
> Working: King of labor.
Labour!
Labor is a tedious person from Los Angeles!
nemo
> >
> >
> > kamyknickers wrote:
> >
> > > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > news:WPA7c.132720$sw3....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...> > > > news:405EC13B...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > Kimba: Asian sheep.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Kimbo: Asian sheep standing in a funny way!
> > > > >
> > > > > Kimbo: Asian decoration?
> > > > >
> > > > Mary had a little lamb
> > > > And round its neck - a bow.
> > > > Of radioactive cloth it was!
> > > > The poor damned thing did glow!
> > > >
> > > > As it's a bit obs cure . .
> > > >
> > > > Akimbo:
> > > > adverb: with hands on hips and elbows extending outward
> (Example:
> "She
> > > > stood there stark naked with her nostrils akimbo")
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > have you been peeping again?
> >
> > Peeping: Musical toilet.
>
> Royal Flush: Ditto, but in Buckingham Palace.
>
> Buckingham: A rodeo pig.
Buckingham Palliasse: What the rodeo pig and our Queen sleep on.
nemo
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > nemo wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > >
> > > > > Cerulian: Knight who's king over a guy called Ian.
> > > > >
> > > > > Ultramarine: A bionic naval soldier on steroids.
> > > >
> > > > Helium: Gas that cures.
> > >
> > > Oxygen: Gas that provides information to male cows.
> >
> > Seaborgium: Mechanical beings underwater.
> >
> I rutherford it was called "unnilhexium"!
>
> A bewitching element?
That's nothing. Plutonium was named after Mickey Mouse's dog!
Goofy: What you pay a thick messy substance or sutcklike.
nemo
> >
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >
> > >
> > > ...And we all know how much fun *that* can be....
> >
> > Bishopric: Penis of a bishop?
>
> See: Peeping tom looking at it through his window.
>
> Diocese: Coloured oceans.
>
> Bullion: A male cattle/lion crossbreed.
>
> Stallion: A horse/lion crossbreed.
Ganglion: A pride of them feeling a bit nervous.
Battalion: A pride armed with rifles and machine guns.
Medallion: A member of same who's won an award for bravery.
Papillion: A big-cat Pontif.
Pillion: A motorcycling big-cat on Warfarin.
Postilion: Big-cat who delivers letters.
Pygmalion: A very small big-cat.
Left you a few!
http://www.onelook.com/?w=*lion&scwo=1&sswo=1
nemo
>
> "The New Mr. Humor" wrote:
>
> > Humor fans,
> >
> > The New Mr. Humor will be taking a week off to enjoy the holiday season.
> > As a special holiday gift, here is an old "Humor of the Great Composers"
> > from years gone by!!!
> >
> > Q: Why was the composer of "The Garden of Fand" always the first one out
of
> > the parking lot?
> >
> > A: Because he always backs his car in!!!
> >
> > HH: Backs. Bax. The great composer Sir Arnold Edward Trevor Bax
(1883-1953)
> > wrote "The Garden of Fand". Get it??? Ha Ha Ha!!!
Wavv that becauvv every time he went on the beach or in the devvert he got a
ffpeach defect?
>
> Are you going to get a girl on her Bax?
Mind she doesn't Tan your tidgel!
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
>
>
> "J. A. Mc." wrote:
>
> > On Mon, 3 May 2004 13:15:48 -0400, "Harry Farkas" <hfa...@wowway.com>
found
> > these unused words floating about:
> >
> > >
> > >> On Mon, 3 May 2004 12:19:47 -0400, "Harry Farkas"
<hfa...@wowway.com>
> > >found
> > >> these unused words floating about:
> > >>
reading
> > >> >Levitucus at the time.)
> > >>
> > >> "They're very nice." "In fact they're the best I've ever seen you
wear!",
> > >> Levi straussed.
> > >
> > >Mrs. Tom wanted to wear jeans to work, but her boss said he'd docker
pay.
> >
> > Perhaps she could wrangler casual Fridays?
>
> Don't skirt the issue.
He's just gowning around.
nemo
> > > Forecast: 4 actors.
> > >
> > > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> > >
> > > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
> >
> > Send for the Okta-puss again!
>
> Antsy: Ocean of ants.
>
> Autopsy: Ocean of dead people, or ocean of car roofs.
>
> Betsy: Casino ocean.
>
> Pussy: Ocean of cats.
Mediterraneon: Ocean lit up with an orange glow.
nemo
> > > Rumble: Druken male cow.
> >
> > Possible: Male cow being chased by a deputised group of armed cowboys.
>
> Is he a Mad Cow?
Posse bully. (The very aggressive leader of the deputised group of armed
cowboys.)
BTW. They weren't only armed. They were also legged - otherwise they'd have
been dirty low-down bums and all fell off their horses!
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
>
> The unknowable wrote:
>
> > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:a69c46fe.04021...@posting.google.com...
> > > > Commute: Silent computer.
> > > >
> > > > Compassion: Computer love.
> > > >
> > > > Comply: Wooden computer.
> > > >
> > > > Complex: Computer house.
> > > >
> > > > Ebay: Where computers can swim and fish E-fish-cent-lee.
> > > >
> > > > EC: Ocean of computers.
> > > >
> > > > Emotions: Computer feelings.
> > > >
> > > > Emotions: What happens during computer court proceedings.
> > > >
> > > > Irate: Price of Internet access.
> > >
> > > Bunch of idiots using linked computers: Nitwork.
> > >
> > RAM: Goat with a volatile memory.
> >
> > EPROM: Concert for junkies.
> >
> > BSOD: Curtain for Windows.
> >
> > Hardwear: Condom
> >
> > WinTel: Conned 'em.
> >
> > Intel inside: CPU in prison.
> >
> > Apple Mac: Raincoat for a fruit.
> >
> > USB: Small American honey maker.
> >
> > Defrag: Piece of cloth that can't hear.
>
> CD: Ocean of electronic recording discs.
>
> AB: One buzzing insect that makes honey.
>
> ABCD: One disc of buzzing insect recordings
>
> Honeywell: Well drilled or dug by an apine.
>
> Barbie: Apine in jail.
Barbie Queue: Apines waiting willingly in line to go to gaol/jail because
they'd heard the food, which was cooked outdoors by an Italian chef called
Al Fresco, was excellent.
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
>
>
> nemo wrote:
>
> > Kathy <tnkt...@cogeco.ca> wrote in message
> > news:o5hYb.4084$Fp5....@read1.cgocable.net...
> > >
> > > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylass2.wet> wrote in message
> > > news:p_3Yb.87762$cL.4...@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > > >
> > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > news:a69c46fe.04021...@posting.google.com...
> > > > > Commute: Silent computer.
> > > > >
> > > > > Compassion: Computer love.
> > > > >
> > > > > Comply: Wooden computer.
> > > > >
> > > > > Complex: Computer house.
> > > > >
> > > > > Ebay: Where computers can swim and fish E-fish-cent-lee.
> > > > >
> > > > > EC: Ocean of computers.
> > > > >
> > > > > Emotions: Computer feelings.
> > > > >
> > > > > Emotions: What happens during computer court proceedings.
> > > > >
> > > > > Irate: Price of Internet access.
> > > >
> > > > Bunch of idiots using linked computers: Nitwork.
> > > >
> > >
> > A-flat minor: What you find under a piano that's been thrown down a
> > mineshaft!
>
> B-flat: Under a piano that fell on a beehive.
>
> Commit: To put a glove in a mental institution.
>
> Econ: Rich Internet scam artist.
>
> Icon: Another Internet scam artist.
>
> Remittent: To put the glove in the tent again.
Never use little symbols on your website that might offend anyone or they
might not want to face you. You have to use icon-tact.
nemo
> Person: Price of a male kid.
>
> Perspirate: Price of sweat.
>
> Perspire: Price of the top of the church.
>
> Permission: Price of the entire church.
>
Peracleese: Price of a very tall Python comedian.
nemo
>
> Kathy wrote:
>
> > "Nehmo Sergheyev" <neh...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> > news:pmz6b.1729$PE6....@newsread3.news.pas.earthlink.net...
> > > At the strip mall down the street, a sign is announcing that soon we
>
> > > will have a "House of Sausage". I think they ought to choose a
> different
> > > building material. There's a pack of stray dogs in the neighborhood!
>
> > >
> > >
> > We have a House of Hair locally. Can't wait for their staff to brush
> up on
> > their skills.
>
> Does it serve rabbits?
>
It serves anybody.
nemo
>
> Matting: Musical large item of bedding.
>
> Bedding: Musical sleeping place.
>
> Sleeping: Bell with the Zzzzzzs.
>
Minding: A percussive form of Tinnitus.
I've got the continuous kind at 9.2KHz. That's bad enough!
I've had it for Ménière's now but without any dizziness so it probably
isn't.
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > nemo wrote:
> > >
> > > > KIMEVANS <kime...@bigpond.com> wrote in message
> > > > news:WWvjc.782$TT....@news-server.bigpond.net.au...
> > > > > demanded: the man dinged once too often
> > > > >
> > > > Demanded: Demised satanic helper.
> > >
> > > Remanded: Man dies again.
> >
> > Remanded in Custody: Man dies by falling into flavoured cornflour or
> eggs and milk again.
>
> Custody: Swearing amphibian.
>
Toad-AO: 70mm cinema projection technique for films about amphibians.
nemo
>
> Looping: Toilet bell.
>
> Looting: A toilet bell that steals.
>
> Lupine: A toilet tree.
>
> Lupine: A wolf tree.
>
> Apine: A tree full of bees.
>
Spruce: A very smart, neat and tidy tree.
nemo
>
> "Greg Evans" <gregIGN...@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote in message
> news:<10cps51...@corp.supernews.com>...
> > Dougal wrote:
> >
> > >>> Is it allowed pygthur post jokes here?
> > >> We don't know - nobody's ever done it.
> > >
> > > I foolishly made an on topic post once.
> >
> > Must've slipped under our radar....
>
> It was one of those zany bat winged Bee Too bombers.
>
> Confirmatory: British Conservatives running a criminal company.
>
You mustn't make allegations like that!
You should MAKE THEM LOUDER!!!
Laboratory: The main choice on May 5th.
nemo
>
> Eggplant: Plant that lays eggs.
>
> Lactating: Musical milk.
>
> Ovulating: Musical eggs.
>
> Succubus: To suck in an entire mass transit vehicle.
>
Had this one last week.
nemo
>
> Larry Krzewinski <Feerles...@madmagazine.com> wrote in message
> news:<4h6qc01f02t42bkss...@4ax.com>...
> > On Sun, 13 Jun 2004 20:28:00 -0400, "Greg Evans"
> > <gregIGN...@charter.BLATHER.net> wrote:
> >
> > >> I just have a good bit of expertise in citrus.
> > >
> > >That would explain the perpetual sour expression on Mrs. K's face.
> >
> > She never did like Key Lime pie.
>
> Key Lime 3.1415926?
>
What about Harry Lime pie?
nemo
>
> Copulating: Musical sex.
Copulating: Musical sex with a police officer?
>
> Hording: Musical prostitute.
>
> Sporting: Musical fungus.
>
BTW. I've been called a hoarder once or twice. I reply with Edison's saying:
"All you need to (be able to) invent is imagination and a big pile of junk!"
When I manage to fix my scanner, I'll post a pic of my workshop. You'll see
what I mean!
nemo
>
> Concomitant: Against electronic ant gloves.
>
> Concomitant: Criminal electronic ant gloves.
>
> Consensus: Against tallies of populations.
>
> Opalescent: A jewel of a penny.
>
> Sextant: Ant on Viagra.
>
After it's taken effect, can these ants shoot the stars?
nemo
>
>
> mike wheeEler wrote:
>
> > In article <MzNsb.107886$Ou6....@news-lhr.blueyonder.co.uk>,
> > ne...@naughtylass2.wet, nemo was looking at the world oddly when:> > >news:3FB326AA...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >> Subplot: Underwater farm.
> > >>
> > >Subaerial: Works at Ultra Low Frequency. (Shhhhhhhhhh. Top secret
> still!!)
> > >
> > >Subarid: Underwater desert.
> > >Subbing: Sings lower than Crosby.
> > >Subcranial: Pertianing to underwater lifting gear.
> > >
> > Subcranial: less than lofty thoughts
>
> Subconscious: Aware underwater.
>
> Intermission: Relations between churches.
>
E-cumenical: Multi-faith website.
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > mike wheeEler wrote:
> > >
> > > > In article <vnchp51...@corp.supernews.com>,
> jblv...@yahoo.com, Sy
> > > Knight
> > > > was looking at the world oddly when:
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Hello Nick,
> > > > >>
> > > > >> On Thu, 25 Sep 2003, at 13:57:43 [GMT-0700] (which was Fri,
> 6:57:43
> > >
> > > > >> Australian Eastern Time) you wrote:
> > > > >> > Aye, they are a brogish lot. One was seen aubergine.
> > > > >>
> > > > >> I am green with envy.
> > > > >>
> > > > >>
> > > > >She was well, red.
> > > > >
> > > > That happened when she noticed she was showing pink.
> > >
> > > Pink Lee: Sunburned Korean.
> > >
> > Crink Lee: 200 year-old Gypsy stripper.
>
> Gypsy: Ocean of con artists.
>
Just looked up gyp.
They're not all like that! The Romanys are OK as are most other travelling
folk. You're being racist. Stop it!
Quick definitions (gyp)
noun: (offensive short form for Gypsy) a swindle in which you cheat at
gambling or persuade a person to buy worthless property.
verb: (offensive short form for Gypsy) deprive of by deceit.
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > Tim Bruening wrote:
> > >
> > > > "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I" wrote:
> > > >
> > > > > So then "nemo" says to the farmer:
> > > > > >
> > > > > >A worker at Ford UK on the night shift went to sleep on the
> > > production
> > > > > >line and a parachutist crashed through the roof, landed on him
> him
> > > > > >and killed him stone dead.
> > > > > >
> > > > > >There you are. A die skiving pun!
> > > > >
> > > > > A skydiver was killed near us recently. As investigators pieced
> it
> > > > > together, when he pulled the ripcord, instead of opening there
> was
> > > just
> > > > > a blaring sound. Turned out the outfitter at the airport
> mistakenly
> > > > > gave him a paratoot!
> > > >
> > > > What a mournfull tune!
> > > >
> > > > Blaring: Very loud ring.
> > >
> > > Gangrene: Earth First!
> > >
> > . . or a violent bunch of plants!
>
> ELF: A very violent group of small legendary humanoids.
>
ELF: A 90 year-old couple's sex life. Much more than 3 times a year really
Hz! (clue)
nemo
> > >
> > > dougal wrote:
> > >
> > > > On Mon, 15 Mar 2004 21:47:44 +1000, "Pollywolly"
> <po...@atjfaq.com>
> > > > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > >There used to be a weatherman called Jim Hickey on the Channel
> One
> > > News back
> > > > >in NZ. One night the visuals for the weather maps didn't come
> up.
> > > So when
> > > > >he turned to talk about the night's forecast there was a black
> > > screen. He
> > > > >started off with "And tonight it's going to
> be...............<turns
> > > to look
> > > > >at the side screen, sees nothing and turns back to the
> > > audience>..........a
> > > > >very dark night.
> > > >
> > > > I watched one of those blooper shows once. The best bit was a
> Aussie
> > > > game show host who mistakenly asked a male contestant if he had a
> > > > boyfriend. The contestant replied "No, but I am gay". <audience
>
> > > > laughs>
> > >
> > > Blooper: Price of blue.
> >
>
> Betty: Tea drunk by gamblers.
>
And Frank Spencer's long-suffering wife!
Suffering: The third ring of marriage after engagement ring and wedding
ring!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/articles/s/somemothersdoave_7775905.shtml
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > "J. A. Mc." wrote:
> > >
> > > > On Thu, 4 Mar 2004 21:48:19 -0500, "Kathy" <tnkt...@cogeco.ca>
> found
> > these
> > > > unused words floating about:
> > > >
> > > > >
> > > > >news:20040304190109.77035194@WizardsTower...
> > > > >> On Fri, 5 Mar 2004 08:44:52 +1030
> > > > >> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote:
> > > > >>
> > > > >> > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > <pale...@sbcglobal.net>
> > > > >> > > found these unused words floating about:
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > >>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > > > >> > >>>
> > > > >> > >>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
> > > > >> > >>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > >> > >>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants me
> to do
> > in
> > > > >> > >>>>> bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > > > >> > >>>>
> > > > >> > >>>> So you're his hoe?
> > > > >> > >>>
> > > > >> > >>>
> > > > >> > >>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > > > >> > >>>
> > > > >> > >>>
> > > > >> > >> He must be a gay blade!
> > > > >> > >
> > > > >> > > If you take it in the bermuda shorts, you'll rye the day!
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> > Last time I was travelling my grass routes I got turfed out!
> :-(
> > > > >> >
> > > > >> Probably by some sorry sod.
> > > > >>
> > > > >This is scaping up to be a really lawn thread.
> > > > >
> > > > Rototill for those who appreciate it, bummer otherwise.
> > >
> > > Bummer: Ocean of rear ends.
> > >
> > > Rear View Mirror: Mirror that shows your behind.
> > >
> > Asstronomical Telescope: Device through which you may look at Uranus!
>
> Mercury: Very fast and hot car.
>
That pun goes straight to the jaguar vein!
nemo
> > >
> > >
> > > Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > >
> > > > Jenni Saqua wrote:
> > > > > "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in message
> > > > > news:404c33e6$0$31901$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au...> > > > >>> news:cknm40p4vm2aqc59e...@4ax.com...
> > > > >>>> On Sat, 6 Mar 2004 23:34:36 -0800, "Jenni Saqua"
> > > > >>>> <mara...@spam.netscape.net> found these unused words
> floating
> > > > >>>> about:
> > > > >>>>
> > > > >>>>> "Cybe R. Wizard" <Cybe_R_Wizard@WizardsTower> wrote in
> message
> > > > >>>>>> On Sat, 06 Mar 2004 10:06:32 -0800
> > > > >>>>>> J. A. Mc. <jaS...@gbr.online.com> wrote:
> > > > >>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>> On Sun, 7 Mar 2004 01:45:09 +1030, "Sheila Dundee"
> > > > >>>>>>> <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> found these unused words
> floating
> > > > >>>>>>> about:
> > > > >>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>> nemo wrote:
> > > > >>>>>>>>> Palema <pale...@sbcglobal.net> wrote in message
> > > > >>>>>>>>> news:nts1c.7352$V%4.6...@newssvr23.news.prodigy.com...
> > > > >>>>>>>>>> Sheila Dundee wrote:
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>> Dr Tormento wrote:
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>> "Sheila Dundee" <Co...@optusnetXCAPS.com.au> wrote in
>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>> news:4045b98c$0$12760$afc3...@news.optusnet.com.au:
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>>> My new bf is a landscape gardener..but all he wants
> me to
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>>> do in bed is grown and mown. :-(
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>> So you're his hoe?
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>> No, but I pick up his dirty lawn dry.
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>>> He must be a gay blade!
> > > > >>>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>>> I will never foil in love :-(
> > > > >>>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>>> She's just a parry girl until they dagger away.
> > > > >>>>>>>
> > > > >>>>>> Oh, who will saber from such a fate?
> > > > >>>>>>
> > > > >>>>> It's an old story... the spirit is willing, but the fleche
> is
> > > > >>>>> weak.
> > > > >>>>>
> > > > >>>> Sheil's constant man hunt makes a baudry point. <G> Any man
> who
> > > > >>>> falls for her, will epee!
> > > > >>>>
> > > > >>> What with her octave imagination, I'd be en garde after that
> one, if
> > > > >>> I were you...!
> > > > >>
> > > > >> Thrust you lot to make fun of me!
> > > > >> :-(
> > > > >> Frankly your jokes are passé!
> > > > >>
> > > > > Bravo! But I doubt you'll star in a chic flick... those are
> quite
> > > > > obviously fake tierce.
> > > > > Anyway, you know we were just bayonet the moon a bit~~ :-D
> > > >
> > > > Fake! Now I am really cross and hurt to the corps. Those tierce
> were
> > > > assault filled!!
> > >
> > > Pat Tern: Irish bird.
> > >
> > > Pat Ting: Irish/Chinese bell.
> > >
> > Pat Ternity: Being the father of a seabird.
>
> Maternity, Paternity: Tea drunk by parents.
>
E-ternity: The time you waste when you get addicted to the Internet!
nemo
>
>
> Jenni Saqua wrote:
>
> > Did you see they brought back "America's Next Top Model"?
> > They must be so confident we won't Tyra this show, they're taking it
> to the
> > Banks.
>
> Will we Cindy?
>
> Cindy: A female demon who violates the 10 Commandments.
>
Cinerama: A wide-screen choice between spending your money on the services
of a prostitute and a knight's metal suit.
(Skitt by Charlie Drake.)
nemo
>
> "Frank A. Rosenbaum" wrote:
>
> > "nemo" <ne...@naughtylust.wet> wrote in message
> > news:yS4id.22738$Bk6....@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >
> > > Frank A. Rosenbaum <faros...@charter.net> wrote in message
> > > news:10ohg85...@corp.supernews.com...> > >> news:0rifo09p0heapvueg...@4ax.com...
> > >> > On Tue, 02 Nov 2004 08:39:29 -0600, Dr Tormento
> <re...@togroup.com>
> > > found
> > >> > these unused words floating about:
> > >> >
> > >> >>news:10of68i...@corp.supernews.com:
> > >> >>
> > >> >>> I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman
> > >> >>> behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her
> > >> >>> uniform.
> > >> >>>
> > >> >>> "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you
> > >> >>> supposed to be?" I asked.
> > >> >>>
> > >> >>> The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
> > >> >>
> > >> >>
> > >> >> Is this funny? Depends.
> > >> >
> > >> > Timmette has a Bounty of these ...
> > >>
> > >> Yeah, he's a real Brawny lad.
> > >>
> > > He's responsible for the dreaded yEnc too???
> > >
> >
> > I had an Enc-ing feeling you would decode my message.
>
> Decode: Secret demon.
>
> Decold: Chilly demon.
>
Frigidaire: A chilly demon's crine.
Crine wave: A quiff.
http://www.infoplease.com/dictionary/crine
(It's mainly an heraldic term these days.)
Vocabulary: The sound of a male bovine called Harold calling for a taxi.
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
> Then "Mos" says:
> >Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> >> On 3 Nov 2004 00:36:15 -0600, "Milton J. Smuthworthy, I"
> >> <tonworth...@SexMagnet.com> wrote:
> >>
> >>>>>>>> Alan, where have you been hiding? You haven't posted much
> >>>>>>>> lately.
> >>>>>>>
> >>>>>>> Living the life that I do have outside Usenet. You should look
> >>>>>>> for one, too.
> >>>>>>
> >>>>>> Don't mention your life outside of Usenet! Last time all the
> >>>>>> rocking, howling and head-banging almost tipped the bus over!
> >>>>>
> >>>>> Yeah. I still have a headache from it.
> >>>>
> >>>> Be glad the bus was short. If it had been a long
> >>>> bus, the bonk on the head would make the ache
> >>>> last longer.
> >>>
> >>> Is that the long and the short of it? I mean about Larry?
> >>
> >> Hey, Mos is the one who thinks that he's Longfellow.
> >
> >I can supply about 30 witnesses.
>
> For sex?:)
>
Aaah! But does he know what a Wordsworth? - or does he just play Tennys,
son?
The Charge of the Ticket Brigade.
Half a league, Half a league,
Half a league onward.
Into the Clearway of death
Strode the Six Hundred.
"Forward the Ticket Brigade!
Charge for the cars," he said:
Into the Clearway of death
Strode the Six Hundred.
Forward the Ticket Brigade,
Was there a one dismayed?
Not though a Warden knew
Someone had blundered.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Just stick 'em on and die!
Into the Clearway of death
Strode the Six Hundred.
Cars to the right of them,
Cars to the left of them,
Cars right in front of them,
Honked, revved and thundered.
Sworn at with shout and yell,
Boldly they wrote and well,
Into the mouth of Hell
Strode the Six Hundred.
Flashed all their binders bare,
Drivers white with dispair,
Tickets flew through the air,
Charging an army, while
All the world wondered.
Plunged in the exhaust smoke,
Right through the line they broke,
Austin and Honda
Reel'd from the pen's swift stroke
Shattered and sundered. . .
Then they strode back but not,
Not the Six Hundred.
Cars to the right of them,
Cars to the left of them,
Cars right in front of them,
Honked, revved and thundered.
Stormed at with pen and book,
Stuck on and numbers took,
One chap copped a left hook!
Those that had writ so well,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of Six Hundred.
When will their tickets fade,
Will they be ever paid?
C.T.O. wondered.
Honor the charge they made,
Honor the Ticket Brigade,
Noble Six Hundred!
A battle which took place between Islington Traffic Wardens
and militant motorists who had been deliberately blocking
the infamous Upper Street Clearway.
(C.T.O. was the organisation that processed the parking
tickets: Central Ticket Office.)
nemo
> > > > >
> > > > >
> > > > > nemo wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > > > > > Holo: A popular prostitute position.:)
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hologram: A picture of same.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hologram: Message from a low prostitute.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Hologram: Lighter than a Holopound.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Holocopter: Rotary-wing aircraft with no-one inside.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > Holon a minute! There's no need to gush, Dan!!
> > > > >
> > > > > Boinking: King of sex.
> > > > >
> > > > > Conking: King of falling asleep.
> > > > >
> > > > > No Bell Prize: Awarded to a school whose bell didn't ring.
> > > >
> > > > Hologram: Same as a telegram, except it's read to you over the
> phone
> > with
> > > > lots of reverberation and echo.
> > > >
> > > > Conker: Someone agreeing about a chestnut.
> > >
> > > Conker: Against dogs.
> > >
> > I'll let that one Rotweiller nother pun forms in my mind!
>
> Curtest: Dog exam.
>
> Curvet: Dog in the army.
>
Curmit the Frog: The Muppets invaded by a canine imposter!
Nemo
Numbo One Punster!
nemo
> > > > > Exporting: Bells sents overseas.
> > > > >
> > > > > Importing: Bells brought into this country.
> > > > >
> > > > > Porting: A bell with little money.
> > > > >
> > > > > Porting: Opposite of Starboarding.
> > > > >
> > > > > Porting: To bring the bells to port.
> > > > >
> > > > > Reporting: To bring the bells to port again.
> > > >
> > > > <oyster alert!>
> > > > Katsn dogs: Poor canines.
> > >
> > > Why do you want to alert shelled sea life?
> > >
> > Oyster: English - mollusc; Hebrew - treasure, and hence my
> interpretation -
> > someone accustomed to saying 'Oy' every so often.
> >
> > Katsn: Hebrew - beggar, hence poor canines.
> >
> > You should have got all that from the context.
>
> Context: Letters writting by prisoners.
>
Arrighi Italic: Style used by smelly prisoners!
http://www.columbia.edu/cu/lweb/data/indiv/rare/type-exhibit/2rvi/arrighi.ht
m
Douglas D. Anderson
"nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit> wrote
>
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote
> >
> > Thailand: A country that breaks even.
> >
> > Ukraine: I Kraine, Ukraine, He Kraines, etc.
>
> Narr. It's lifting gear for raising very heavy female sheep and featured in
> the first or second pun I ever posted on here:
>
> "Me Tarzan. Ukraine!"
>
>
Nazi: visual disability
nemo
"Douglas D. Anderson" <d...@rr.rochester.com> wrote in message
news:PJ6de.12152$XF3....@twister.nyroc.rr.com...
Nathaniel Lind
"nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
news:sB3de.13242$j54....@fe3.news.blueyonder.co.uk...> news:4271AFE6...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
>>
>> Subclass: What happens inside a school of fish.
>>
>> Sublight: A type of underwater beer.
>>
>> Sublight: Submarine that weighs little.
>
> Submariners will tell you off something rotten for calling it a sub!
>
> Submarinade: A lot of submarines all going off at once, or a seasoned
> mixture of vinegar, wine and oil used for soaking foods in the galley.
Sublime- a fruit enjoyed in submarines
nemo
"Nathaniel Lind" <nl2...@yahoo.com> wrote in message
news:2TMde.8836$cZ6....@fe02.lga...
concert: Perry's Cope:
Douglas D. Anderson
"nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit> wrote
bonnets and carrying parasols...
nemo
And I should think each man's shoes had a parasols, otherwise they'd leak
terribly.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "MĆ >" <MŠ <mĆŠMĮ×¹@ÅsSrEmOvEr.ēųm> wrote in message
> news:3667004.i...@Max.com...
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > Cuba: Sheeps in a line.
> >
> > A request to the sound editor in ur_droll's starring, directorial
> > debut, "Passion of the Sheep".
> >
> U hard roll??
>
> Not often these days. It's me age, I tell you!
How old are you?
Tim Bruening
"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:
That one blindsided me!
Tim Bruening
Nathaniel Lind wrote:
> "MŠ >" <MŠ <mĆŠMĮ×¹@ÅsSrEmOvEr.ēųm> wrote in message
> news:1351613.f...@Max.com...
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> >> Thailand: A country that breaks even.
> >
> Thailand: A country that only allows flooring in individual squares with
> grout.
Flooring: Ring on the bottom of a house.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4271BDAB...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:4030799A...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > > > Forecast: 4 actors.
> > > >
> > > > Outcast: Gay actor who has left the closet.
> > > >
> > > > Overcast: Cloudy actors.
> > >
> > > Send for the Okta-puss again!
> >
> > Antsy: Ocean of ants.
> >
> > Autopsy: Ocean of dead people, or ocean of car roofs.
> >
> > Betsy: Casino ocean.
> >
> > Pussy: Ocean of cats.
>
> Mediterraneon: Ocean lit up with an orange glow.
Hemmer: Ocean of clothes cutters.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4271AF72...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > A cat nation: St. Kitts And Nevis.
> >
> > Cuba: Sheeps in a line.
>
> Sheeps??
>
> Where's your grammar?
>
> Mine's in Kensal Green Cemetary!
>
> http://www.xs4all.nl/~androom/dead/kensal.htm
Mine is in North Carolina.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4271AF83...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Thailand: A country that breaks even.
> >
> > Ukraine: I Kraine, Ukraine, He Kraines, etc.
>
> Narr. It's lifting gear for raising very heavy female sheep and featured in
> the first or second pun I ever posted on here:
>
> "Me Tarzan. Ukraine!"
It can also raise a certain kind of tree.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
When did this battle take place?
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
When did this battle take place?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4271BDAB...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > nemo wrote:
> >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
Tim Bruening
Nathaniel Lind wrote:
> "MŠ >" <MŠ <mĆŠMĮ×¹@ÅsSrEmOvEr.ēųm> wrote in message
> news:1351613.f...@Max.com...
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> >> Thailand: A country that breaks even.
> >
Tim Bruening
"Douglas D. Anderson" wrote:
That one blindsided me!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "MĆ >" <MŠ <mĆŠMĮ×¹@ÅsSrEmOvEr.ēųm> wrote in message
> news:3667004.i...@Max.com...
> > Tim Bruening wrote:
> >
> > > Cuba: Sheeps in a line.
> >
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Abbey Normal <abb...@dontspame.com> wrote in message
> news:-qidnVmIkaT...@comcast.com...
> >
> > "nemo" <ne...@newtylust.nit> wrote in message
> > news:ay4xd.34662$Rf4....@fe2.news.blueyonder.co.uk...
> > >
> > > Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> > > news:41C291B7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > >>
> > >>
> > >> Steve Siegfried wrote:
> > >>
> > >> > Folks,
> > >> >
> > >> > Rumor has it that a certain senior son on spring break was spotted
> > >> > on a street corner in Boulder... busking! Some kind folks should
> > >> > please take the kid in and feed him.
> > >> >
> > >> > And on that proud fatherly thought, Ziggy's Joke o' the day was sent
> > >> > in by Vic:
> > >> >
> > >> > The results of a recent survey have been released. It was a
> > >> > poll on how women felt about the size of their ass.
> > >> >
> > >> > The findings of the study are very interesting: 85% of women
> > >> > think their ass is too big, 10% of women think their ass is
> > >> > too small.
> > >> >
> > >> > And 5% of women say that they don't care, they love him and
> > >> > would have married him anyway.
> > >>
> > >> Married to donkeys? That's worse than the gay marriage controversy!
> > >
> > > Asswife!!
> >
> > butt honey?!?...
> >
> Special brand for use as a lubricant?
Lubricant: Ant that reduces friction.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> Mos <Not@YourHouse> wrote in message
> news:10lg77g...@corp.supernews.com...
> > Douglas D. Anderson wrote:
> > > "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote
> > >> Abundant: Lots of ants.
> > >>
> > > Abundant: ant loyal to the federal republic.
> >
> > Abundant: Ant employed at a bakery.
> >
> >
> That reminds me. I just noticed in our local Safeway supermarket, they
have
> ecumenical hot cross buns they can see all year round. Same buns,
except
> with stripes instead of a cross. Anything for a quick prophet!
>
> Gardant: An heraldic ant standing sideways on but looking straight at
the
> viewer.
>
> Regardant: An heraldic ant standing sideways on but looking back over
its
> shoulder.
Depressant: Very sad ant.
Jubilant: Very happy ant.
Tim Bruening
"Richard D. Healy" <rhe...@nycap.rr.com> wrote in message
news:<wjwbd.9889$l07....@twister.nyroc.rr.com>...> news:416E81D7...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Who is the greatest man ever? Michael Moore? Ramsey Clark? Ralph
> > Nader? John Kerry? Martin Luther King? Malcom X? Muhammad Ali?
> > Jesse Jackson?
>
> Well pilgram, I dunno....but who ever it is....his name sure ain't
George W.
> Bush!!!
Pilgram: 1/28.35 of a pilounce.
Pilgrim: Sad medicine or vitamin.
Tim Bruening
Larry Krzewinski wrote:
> On Wed, 24 Mar 2004 20:32:57 GMT, Keith E. <i.m....@aol.com> wrote:
>
> >>>>Payoff? Someone pays you to be a booze hound? Wow, where can I
get a
> >>>>job like that?
> >>>
> >>>You gotta win the lottery. I happen pygthur be the only ticket
> >>>salesman. They're $20/each, how many you want?
> >>
> >>I'll just take the winning one.
> >
> >That one has a different price, and you aren't that rich.
>
> That sounds like false advertising to me. You'll soon be hearing from
> my attorneys Dewey, Cheatum and Howe.
Cheatum: To scam a stomach?