4th Of July Puns
Tim Bruening
Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:42926600...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Gleaming: Shiny vase.
> >
> > Priming: First vase.
> >
> > Trimming: A fit vase.
> >
> > Perfecting: Bell with no flaws.
> >
> > Petting: Companion animal bell.
>
> These vases must be so worn out by now, you'll get nothing for them in
> auction.
Squirming: A snake vase.
Tim Bruening
"J. A. Mc." wrote:
> On Tue, 27 Jan 2004 08:07:21 +1300, "Gillian V" <gill...@xtra.co.nz> found
> these unused words floating about:
>
> >
> >"Michael Balarama" <mba...@ev1.net> wrote in message
> >news:101ag0t...@corp.supernews.com...
> >> A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says "I'll serve
> >> you, but don't start anything."
> >>
> >This sort of thing only leads to trouble.
> >
> Are you positive? There could be grounds for connection ...
This is truly shocking.
Shocking: Electrifying monarch.
Tim Bruening
Michael Balarama wrote:
> was sent this:
> A stuntman complained that he couldn't decide whether to buy a bike
> with a high top speed and poor acceleration, or one with lots of torque
> and fast acceleration, but a poor top speed. Eventually he decided on
> the second one, because it cost a lot less. After all, torque is cheap.
Costing: Expensive bell.
Curate: Price of medical care.
Permit: Glove price.
Serrate: Price of a knight.
Tim Bruening
Oasis: Sister with lots of water.
Occult: A sect between N and P.
Oneness: One Loch Ness monster.
Omnibus: All encompassing mass transit vehicle.
Opine: Tree with opinions.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
Tim Bruening <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
news:41D6618F...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> Configure: Against numbers.
>
> Conjure: Against law.
>
> Congest: Against jokes.
>
> Conquest: Against adventures.
Conquest: Jimmy Durante searching for his lost proboscis.
Greek - proboskis: pro: in front + boskein: to feed.
Now you all nose that!
Nosing: No songs.
Tensings: 10 songs.
Tim Bruening
Reduction: To become a duck again.
Subtraction: How a sub pushes off against the ground.
Duct Tape: Used to tape together broken ducks.
Duct Tape: Recording of duck calls.
Tim Bruening
Greg Evans wrote:
> J. A. Mc. wrote:
>
> > ... Talleyrand himself had already held a bishopric ...
>
> ...And we all know how much fun *that* can be....
Bishopric: Penis of a bishop?
Tim Bruening
Lying: Fibbing Chinese.
Praying: Religious Chinese.
Prying: Chinese crowbar.
Rebelling: To ring the Chinese bell again.
Scenting: Musical penny.
nemo
> Rubies: Kangaroo/bee crossbreeds.
>
> Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
>
> Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
What koala is this Kangaroo HMO?
[clumsy mum in the kitchen . .]
SPLASHSHSH!!!!!!
Kids: "Oh look! Marsupial over!"
Nemo.
In 2007, retirement was heaven,
And it's still quite divine in 2009!
The MPs all fiddling has sort of died down,
But now poor old Gordon looks like a Brown clown!!
nemo
Supposing it's a happy comfortable snake?
http://encarta.msn.com/encnet/features/dictionary/DictionaryResults.aspx?refid=1861713296
Encarta: Truck for transporting Bill Gates' chickens.
And why *does* he look like Kermit the Frog?
nemo
Elect Ron?
Never again! The first one was bad enough!
nemo
That's a saw point - in fact, all of them.
nemo
>
> Oasis: Sister with lots of water.
>
> Occult: A sect between N and P.
>
> Oneness: One Loch Ness monster.
>
> Omnibus: All encompassing mass transit vehicle.
Religions sheep-shearing on a mass transit vehicle: A moveable fleeced!
> Opine: Tree with opinions.
Iyyy thought that only an ogearbox contained opinions!
nemo
Sherpa 10 sing?
And do Tibetan mountain guides get their sherping at the sherpamarket?
And half way down into the valley, if they're tired, they stop and Everest
for half an hour or so.
Nemo.
In 2007, retirement was heaven,
And it's still quite divine in 2009!
The MPs all fiddling has sort of died down,
But now poor old Gordon looks like a Brown clown!!
Time 2 4 get MJ now.
nemo
> Conduction: Against becoming a duck.
>
> Reduction: To become a duck again.
Is that what happens when a swan gets demoated?
> Subtraction: How a sub pushes off against the ground.
No need. They got propellers. Funny spiral-bladed ones to reduce the noise
from cavitation.
Cavitation: Indian chap who needs to see a dentist.
"I am needing to see a dentist!!"
"OK. Look. There's one in the window up there!"
Painful counterfeit number: 2 fake!
> Duct Tape: Used to tape together broken ducks.
>
> Duct Tape: Recording of duck calls.
That's quackers!
nemo
Didn't know they were allowed to have em!
Pious: A bishop's fat backside from eating too many dishes baked in
pastry-lined pan often with a pastry top. Innit!
John Prescott's favourite food as well.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8141615.stm
Why can't he get his water out of a cock in the kitchen like everyone else?
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
I fear that Obama is going to bomb!
Nemo
> Rubies: Kangaroo/bee crossbreeds.
>
> Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
>
> Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
>
Nemo
anyway!
Tim Bruening
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
I fear that Obama is going to bomb!
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4A4FC21D...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> > Rubies: Kangaroo/bee crossbreeds.
> >
> > Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
> >
> > Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
>
> What koala is this Kangaroo HMO?
>
> [clumsy mum in the kitchen . .]
> SPLASHSHSH!!!!!!
>
> Kids: "Oh look! Marsupial over!"
It charges kangaroos for health insurance.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4A4FC384...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> > Oasis: Sister with lots of water.
> >
> > Occult: A sect between N and P.
> >
> > Oneness: One Loch Ness monster.
> >
> > Omnibus: All encompassing mass transit vehicle.
>
> Religions sheep-shearing on a mass transit vehicle: A moveable fleeced!
Religious birds are part of a flock.
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4A4FC437...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >
> > > > ... Talleyrand himself had already held a bishopric ...
> > >
> > > ...And we all know how much fun *that* can be....
> >
> > Bishopric: Penis of a bishop?
>
> Didn't know they were allowed to have em!
>
> Pious: A bishop's fat backside from eating too many dishes baked in
> pastry-lined pan often with a pastry top. Innit!
You're going to Hell for that one!:)
Tim Bruening
nemo wrote:
> "Tim Bruening" <tsbr...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us> wrote in message
> news:4A4FC437...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
> >
> >
> > Greg Evans wrote:
> >
> > > J. A. Mc. wrote:
> > >
> > > > ... Talleyrand himself had already held a bishopric ...
> > >
> > > ...And we all know how much fun *that* can be....
> >
> > Bishopric: Penis of a bishop?
>
> Didn't know they were allowed to have em!
>
> Pious: A bishop's fat backside from eating too many dishes baked in
> pastry-lined pan often with a pastry top. Innit!
You're going to Hell for that one!:)
Nemo
Straight down into the friary furness?? Impossible. There's a Barrow in
Furness!
St. Peter: OK. You'll just have to take the See Nick route then!
Tim Bruening
nemo
"Tim Bruening" wrote in message
news:4E8D71FD...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
Rubies: Kangaroo/bee crossbreeds.
Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
revolution.
Vi azoi trinkt der kaiser tey?
Damned quickly if the Bolsheviks are after im!
Ot azoi - Ot azoi - Ot azoi trinkt der kaiser tey!
There was one Russian aristo who wouldn't run though. She locked herself in
her room with a sign on the door defiantly saying: "Anna Stays 'Ere!"
nemo
"Tim Bruening" wrote in message
news:4E8D71FD...@pop.dcn.davis.ca.us...
Roosters: Spinning kangaroos.
Rukaiser: Kangaroo HMO.
Used to have a bunch of soldaten feed im izz potaters by firing em through a
wall of butter clean into eez open gob too!
Bulbas: Male bovine with a very low voice.
