Do you do?
Stormin Mormon
business. "Do you do combination locks?"
Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?
Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
combination to match someting else?
I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
want to know if I do car locks.
At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
hat?" I guess those are objects.
Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
Doug Miller
>
>I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
>that is, and a bit snotty.
Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.
Let us know how that works out for you.
ransley
> In article <gtdpq1$2f...@news.motzarella.org>, "Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spambloc...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> >I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
> >that is, and a bit snotty.
>
> Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.
>
> Let us know how that works out for you.
Just one lost customer, and 3 car locks a week, no big deal right.
aemeijers
Unless you are booked solid, and the only locksmith in town, you need
the customer more than the customer needs you. Act accordingly. Proper
reply when you call back is 'Well, that depends. What kind of
combination lock are you needing help with?'
--
aem sends...
Smitty Two
"Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote:
How about "Does your daughter do mormon top-posters?"
stan
<cayoung61**spambloc...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
> business. "Do you do combination locks?"
>
> Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
> briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?
>
> Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
> numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
> the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
>
> I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
> that is, and a bit snotty. Ideally, I'd also like it to be
> useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
> want to know if I do car locks.
>
> At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
> eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
> hat?" I guess those are objects.
>
> Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
> found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?
>
> --
> Christopher A. Young
> Learn more about Jesus
> www.lds.org
> .
How does a smart alecky, "Slightly snotty" reply do any good or help
any business?
What such an uncharitable and one might say, 'Unchristian' answer
might imply is the following.
"Well I'm a pretty superior sort of person An expert in my field.Your
question is poorly worded and incomplete. Not sure I can deal with
you".
Yup; nothing better calculated to personally turn me off from doing
business with you. The question is a perfectly reasonable one. It
merely opens a conversation; leading to whether the locksmith is
mobile, does the locksmith travel to your location etc. etc. The
expression 'No such thing as a stupid question ......' comes to mind.
It also opens the possibility for the locksmith to do some coaching of
the potential customer, depending on the amount time available etc.
It is now a few years since we ceased operating a small business; but
still get phone calls (got one tonight in fact for potential business
next Dec 17th) often saying something along the lines of "We were so
pleased with your help and obliging service that we are calling again
for ................... Oh; sorry that you are no longer in
business!".
We were in that business from 1970 to 2004. Sometimes dealing with two
or more generations of the same family!
Maybe an appropriate reply would be "Thank you for your enquiry
of ...... Very happy to discuss your requirement and if it's within
our capability and resources and time available, maybe we can be of
assistance/service".
That leaves door open to declining the work if it's not reasonable,
unprofitable etc. Also how on earth does one know how much business is
or is/not out there if callers get 'turned off' and don't call. Or
worse the locksmith doesn't call back! Or whenthey do have a 'snotty'
attitude
In another business previous to the one already mentioned (in the
1950s to 1960s) we established a reputation for service and fair
dealing in the tube TV repair business (Yes! Villainous TV repair!)
Such that many years later it was mentioned time and again when we
were elected twice, to local town councils and served our
municipality, without remuneration in that capacity for nearly ten
years. A very rewarding experience btw.
In most parts of the English speaking world there are expressions such
as; "What goes around, comes around". In other words 'Do unto others
as you would have them do unto you'. No wonder somebody needs to
"Learn more about Jesus"!
How much better to have someone say "Such an obliging person, that
locksmith; and once he got here he that lock fixed in jig time". The
message coming across as; he is good at what he does, he is obliging
therefore he's in demand and is busy. So we were lucky we called HIM
for our lock work.
Aw heck! (Won't say he**) Here endeth the lesson.
Just go and buy a new lock; forget calling a locksmith.
Don & Lucille
"Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:gtdpq1$2fl$1...@news.motzarella.org...
RBM
"Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:gtdpq1$2fl$1...@news.motzarella.org...
> an obnoxious prick and call someone else
>
sa...@dog.com
Look at the pool of people who are locksmiths. It's for people who are
otherwise unemployable and don't have many options.
If he's an especially ambitious locksmith, he may repair storm door
screens as a sideline.
Jim Elbrecht
>I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
>business. "Do you do combination locks?"
-snip-
>I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
>that is, and a bit snotty.
-snip-
In your head you reply with a simple "Yes". and wait for the next
question.
In real life, you pick up the phone, call the customer & say "We do
lots of things to combinations locks, Mrs. Smith. what's your
pleasure?"
Because, although the customer is not necessarily always right. . .
they are never, ever, wrong.
Jim
[and if you can't pull off the 'you're the bestest person in the whole
world, Mrs. smith' lie with conviction, then get out of retail. you're
only torturing yourself and the people you come in contact with]
Frank
> In article <gtdpq1$2f...@news.motzarella.org>, "Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spambloc...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>
>
> >I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
> >that is, and a bit snotty.
>
> Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.
>
> Let us know how that works out for you.
I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
number listed at a business website.
Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
not been corrected. Another great business man.
George
Ever actually read your sig and consider what it means?
HeyBub
You shouldn't have asked:
1. "Heh! We find, as the population gets older, more and more people forget
their combinations! I hope they don't discover keys, 'cause we make a pretty
good living off of the addled."
2. "I forget. Probably."
3. "Only if: a) They're good lookin' or b) We're desperate."
4. "We're the only shop in town that can do metric combination locks!"
5. "Only if the numbers on the dial don't exceed 120. Above that, it's too
hot to work on."
6. "Depends... What's the combination?"
7. "I'd rather work on a combination lock than fuck!"
8. "Yes, but I need to warn you up front that combination locks are like
muskrats - there is no way to turn them into a nutritious meal."
9. "Vanilla and cinnamon ones are pretty straightforward; its the teal and
taupe ones that cause warts."
10. "Sigh. New Homeland Security regulations under the Patriot Act require
us to log and report all attempts to defeat combination locks. May I please
have your name..."
If you need more suggestions, I'll be glad to show you the video of the
night the cat learned to open the gerbil cage.
John Grabowski
"Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:gtdpq1$2fl$1...@news.motzarella.org...
*I politely return their call and tell them nicely that I don't do that type
of work, but if I know someone who does I will refer them. I also let them
know that they can call me for electrical work in the future. Everyone is a
potential customer if not now then at some time in the future.
Larry W
maintenance supervisor from a large apartment complex who only wanted
a few hundred mailbox locks redone. Certainly you don't need that kind of
business.
--
Make it as simple as possible, but no simpler.
Larry Wasserman - Baltimore Maryland - lwasserm(a)sdf. lonestar. org
Van Chocstraw
Do you do key locks?
WW
"Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:gtdpq1$2fl$1...@news.motzarella.org...
Snotty answer. I got one from a firm I was doing $4k a year with them. Now
that goes to someone else. WW
ransley
Or he has a hotel on the ocean and is thinking of changing 300 locks,
and gives rooms and boat free to friends when they are avalaible. Once
I got a call about painting 1 lousy door, It turned out to be 130
doors, I restored brass hardware and sprayed them for a nice hotel,
the place kept me busy for years until they hired a full time live in
painter. If an add says "We do Locks", you do locks, and look for
commercial jobs where you can eat for years. There is nothing better
than big jobs where you get alot done.
DerbyDad03
I have a standard answer for people like *that*:
"Yes, I do, but not for idiots like you."
In fact, my print ads and website specifically state that I don't do
jobs for idiots. They either have to know exactly what they want and
they must word their requirements exactly the way I want them to or I
tell them to go pound sand.
Sometimes I'm not even that nice. "Go pound sand" can be worded in
ways that really insult the idiots who contact me with their stupid
questions and ignorant requests.
BTW You should see my print ads and website. They're really nice. I
spend a lot of time tweeking them, making them better and better all
the time. I can do that because business has been pretty slow.
It must be the economy.
David Nebenzahl
> Stormin Mormon wrote:
>
>> I havn't found the really zippy reply, yet.
>
> No you haven't.
>
> Instead of trying to insult your customers, make a joke and say "Does a bear
> shit in the woods?"
I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
--
Save the Planet
Kill Yourself
- motto of the Church of Euthanasia (http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/)
Steve Daniels
compelled "Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com>,
to say:
> Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
> prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
> found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?
How would Jesus snark?
--
Real men don't text.
EXT
My favourite peeve with answering machines is people who won't leave a
message but simply say "Call me." I provide a machine so they can give me
something to work with so that my call to them isn't a waste of time for all
of us, especially if they have an answer machine and we both just call back
and forth doing nothing but leaving "call me" messages.
Frank Warner
<cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote:
The proper zippy reply for this one is, "Only when I'm awake."
-Frank
--
Here's some of my work:
http://www.franksknives.com/
Pat
I think the most snotty answer would be "I change locks. I make
keys. I pick locks. I break into safes. But I do not "DO locks".
Another less snotty answer would be "I do not do locks, but I have
someone on staff who does".
More snooty might be a simple, "yes, as my name states/implies".
Vaguer would be "I suppose".
Personally, I like, "Yes, I have been know to do that". That's pretty
arrogant without being too bad.
Of course, if you want to lose all sense of wholesomeness you could
answer." Yes I do combination locks. I also do your wife every
Tuesday morning but she has to put a bag over her head."
Rudy
> I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
Are Bears Catholic ?
Charlie Darwin
news:edd7fcda-3c06-40b3...@y10g2000prc.googlegroups.com...
I'd tell all subsequent callers that ..."sorry, I'm out of business. Instead
call (insert another locksmith's phone number)...he can help you."
gpsman
> > I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
>
> Are Bears Catholic ?
I think the modern version is- Does the Pope's bear shit in the
Vatican?
-----
- gpsman
gpsman
> In article <gtdpq1$2f...@news.motzarella.org>, "Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spambloc...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
> >I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
> >that is, and a bit snotty.
>
> Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.
Pfft. Some customers you don't want. Those are usually the stupid.
I had a great comeback: 1.5-10 times my usual fee, or whatever they
had in their account, plus $100.
Stupid surcharge.
-----
- gpsman
Colbyt
"Stormin Mormon" <cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:gtdpq1$2fl$1...@news.motzarella.org...
> business. "Do you do combination locks?"
>
> Well, gee, lets see. Does the caller have a safe, vault,
> padlock, bicycle lock, keyless car entry, gunsafe,
> briefcase, firesafe, or a kids toy safe?
>
> Does the caller want me to find another lock with the same
> numbers? Find another lock with different combination? Find
> the lost combination? Change the numbers? Change the
> combination to match someting else?
>
> useful for the two or three customers who call each week and
> want to know if I do car locks.
>
> At the moment, I'm thinking of "Do you have some food to
> eat?" or "do you have a leaf off a tree?" or "do you wear a
> hat?" I guess those are objects.
>
> Maybe better is "Do you interact with people?" "Do you
> prepare food or drink?" "Do you do lawn work?" I havn't
> found the really zippy reply, yet. Do you do zippy replies?
>
> --
> Christopher A. Young
> Learn more about Jesus
> www.lds.org
> .
>
Chris,
It sounds like you have been working with the public much too long. You and
I should both find different jobs.
Colbyt
LouB
But you can return the favor by reporting that you heard he is out of
business due to problems with the government.
Lou
George
Is it an actual website or just one of those business directory sites
that just leech information?
My buddy has had a problem with google for a long time. They have a
business locater thing. His business is located in a commercial space in
the same town as where his parents live. His parents are elderly and in
ill health and it is clearly a residence but lots of sales people show
up banging on his parents door to make cold sales calls because they got
the information from google. My friend spent over six months before an
actual person from google contacted him. The person said they would fix
it but he had to prove to them that they were in error. He submitted
lots of information and they still haven't fixed their error and won't
respond.
Harry L
<nob...@but.us.chickens> wrote:
>On 5/1/2009 2:42 AM G. Morgan spake thus:
>
>> Stormin Mormon wrote:
>>
>>> I havn't found the really zippy reply, yet.
>>
>> No you haven't.
>>
>> Instead of trying to insult your customers, make a joke and say "Does a bear
>> shit in the woods?"
>
>I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
Popes are like Jesus. Their shitting is entirely through the upper
orifice.
LouB
giving google lots of free bad publicity.
Red Green
news:edd7fcda-3c06-40b3...@y10g2000prc.googlegroups.com:
Give subsequent callers a quote..."49.95 plus a pair of our wife's
panties. 10% discount if she's in heat."
Red Green
news:3d65cfe3a1a9e5406...@mypost.invalid:
> Red Green wrote:
>
>>Give subsequent callers a quote..."49.95 plus a pair of our wife's
>>panties. 10% discount if she's in heat."
>
> "our" wife's.... LOL
>
>
a typo...but maybe a good one :-)
aemeijers
>>
>>
>>
>>> I'm looking for a reply question that highlights how vague
>>> that is, and a bit snotty.
>> Now *there*'s a good business plan: being "a bit snotty" to your customers.
>>
>> Let us know how that works out for you.
>
> I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my phone
> number listed at a business website.
> Every couple of months I get a call for his services and in spite of
> my talking to the locksmith and emailing and faxing him, the error has
> not been corrected. Another great business man.
Unless the web site in question belongs to the locksmith, you are
talking to the wrong person. Contact the sysadmin at the web site that
is showing the wrong number, and tell them one of their listed companies
made a typo, and that YOU own the number and want it removed. You can
even supply him with the correct number, if you happen to know it. Yes,
the idiot locksmith in the listing should have had it corrected, but
since he won't, you can either fix the problem yourself, or deal with
the irritation.
--
aem sends...
LouB
Good advice!
Stormin Mormon
hired!
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Doug Miller" <spam...@milmac.com> wrote in message
news:_YtKl.20167$as4....@nlpi069.nbdc.sbc.com...
In article <gtdpq1$2fl$1...@news.motzarella.org>, "Stormin
Stormin Mormon
from TWO totally different hardware stores. We'd get calls
for one hardware, or the other. I finally stopped telling
folks they dialed the wrong number. Whatever it was they
wanted, we had five or six in stock, and choice of colors.
Just come in and ask for Fred.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Frank" <frank....@dol.net> wrote in message
news:edd7fcda-3c06-40b3...@y10g2000prc.googlegroups.com...
I've had dealings with an obtuse local locksmith who has my
Stormin Mormon
thee" and things like that. He sure is a good role model.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"George" <geo...@nospam.invalid> wrote in message
news:gtemm9$6o6$1...@news.motzarella.org...
Ever actually read your sig and consider what it means?
Stormin Mormon
the combination, but was having trouble opening Dad's safe.
I did return the call the next morning, and she had got the
safe open.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Larry W" <lwas...@sdf.lNoOnSePsAtMar.org> wrote in message
news:gtet2b$88f$1...@chessie.cirr.com...
Stormin Mormon
Gerbil cage? Was it a combination lock?
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"HeyBub" <hey...@NOSPAMgmail.com> wrote in message
news:AdadnfshBZ5MfWfU...@earthlink.com...
10. "Sigh. New Homeland Security regulations under the
Patriot Act require
us to log and report all attempts to defeat combination
locks. May I please
have your name..."
If you need more suggestions, I'll be glad to show you the
video of the
night the cat learned to open the gerbil cage.
Stormin Mormon
as bad. I've got a couple referral companies. Great work,
but a whole different set of people problems.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Colbyt" <colbyt@-SPAMBLOCK-lexkyweb.com> wrote in message
news:BNWdnfcuS4Ao4mbU...@insightbb.com...
Stormin Mormon
an hour. If he doesn't show up, call the boss on his cell
phone. And then give out the actual number of the locksmith
business. Of course, no one shows up.
Your answer might work better.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Charlie Darwin" <ch...@beagleno.net> wrote in message
news:gtfj37$2kj$1...@news.albasani.net...
Doug Miller
>That's just about the snotty level I'm seeking. You're
>hired!
>
George
"George" <geo...@nospam.invalid> wrote
>> Ever actually read your sig and consider what it means?
> Jesus had some pretty zippy answers. "Neither do I tell
> thee" and things like that. He sure is a good role model.
>
Top posting fixed.
Sure, he had answers like that but wouldn't have responded that way
during normal interaction with others.
Stormin Mormon
accounting college. (mighta been a bit oversnotty, please
credit me for the excess.)
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Doug Miller" <spam...@milmac.com> wrote in message
news:qzWKl.20238$as4....@nlpi069.nbdc.sbc.com...
Oren
I would suggest the Webmaster that set up the page. The sysadim at the
server farm, may be in different parts of the world.
aemeijers
such a 1990s buzzword. A well-run web site has a contact point listed at
the bottom, but for some you have to do a lot of online digging based on
the domain name.
--
aem sends...
Oren
I guess they do. Google Webmaster Central
http://www.google.com/webmasters/index.html
Our headquarters are located in the heart of Silicon Valley.
Google Inc.
1600 Amphitheatre Parkway
Mountain View, CA 94043
Phone: +1 650-253-0000
Fax: +1 650-253-0001
Just sayin' as we haven't seen the offending web page.
Oren
<cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote:
>I got a call on the answering machine. For my locksmith
>business. "Do you do combination locks?"
I got a call one early morning, as I manned the phones.
"This is Morton Dean of CBS News, New York!" "What can you tell me
about the Haitians?" (circa 1980)
Me: "Well Morton, I can't tell you *damn* thing!" "Here is the number
for the immigration detention facility."
Gave him the number and he never called me back.
Stormin Mormon
get written down?
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"George" <geo...@nospam.invalid> wrote in message
news:gthdsb$b6s$1...@news.motzarella.org...
Stormin Mormon wrote:
> Jesus had some pretty zippy answers. "Neither do I tell
> thee" and things like that. He sure is a good role model.
>
"George" <geo...@nospam.invalid> wrote
>> Ever actually read your sig and consider what it means?
Stormin Mormon
the "call me" routine. That's another moment when a snippy
answer might goad them into action.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"EXT" <noe...@reply.in.this.group> wrote in message
news:49fb3f82$0$35403$892e...@auth.newsreader.octanews.com...
My favourite peeve with answering machines is people who
won't leave a
message but simply say "Call me." I provide a machine so
they can give me
something to work with so that my call to them isn't a waste
of time for all
of us, especially if they have an answer machine and we both
just call back
and forth doing nothing but leaving "call me" messages.
Red Green
news:49fb3af2$0$2696$8226...@news.adtechcomputers.com:
> On 5/1/2009 2:42 AM G. Morgan spake thus:
>
>> Stormin Mormon wrote:
>>
>>> I havn't found the really zippy reply, yet.
>>
>> No you haven't.
>>
>> Instead of trying to insult your customers, make a joke and say "Does
>> a bear shit in the woods?"
>
> I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
>
>
There's woods near his place?
Red Green
@newsfe07.iad:
>
>> I thought that was supposed to be "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"
>
> Are Bears Catholic ?
>
>
Bear children should be leery of this.
Stormin Mormon
his part time job when the kids were in school, and crack
wasn't selling all that well.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
<lett...@invalid.com> wrote in message
news:4ki0055a3h45dek7c...@4ax.com...
On Sat, 2 May 2009 07:47:59 -0400, "Stormin Mormon"
<cayoung61**spamblock##@hotmail.com> wrote:
>Jesus had some pretty zippy answers. "Neither do I tell
>thee" and things like that. He sure is a good role model.
Jesus? Isn't that the illegal border crosser mexican dude
who used to
sell crack downtown to all the high school kids, until he
was arrested
and put in prison? That sure don't sound like an "good role
model"
for anyone.
Stormin Mormon
in the Vatican.
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Red Green" <postm...@127.0.0.1> wrote in message
news:Xns9C028B274...@216.168.3.70...
Stormin Mormon
bear naked?
--
Christopher A. Young
Learn more about Jesus
www.lds.org
.
"Red Green" <postm...@127.0.0.1> wrote in message
news:Xns9C028BA04...@216.168.3.70...