Re: The 5 Most Disturbing X-Men Love Affairs
Rob Cypher aka "The Anti-Bob"
<jadel...@verizon.net> wrote:
>http://io9.com/5472104/the-5-most-disturbing-x+men-love-affairs
>
>What's it like when X-Men get between the sheets? Sure, you're
>perpetually surrounded by statuesque mutants in skintight pleather,
>but chances are your attempts at amorousness will be illegal in
>several states and freak out your readership.
>
>Here are the five X-Men love affairs that went from uncanny to
>simply . . . creepy.
>
>
>5.) Pete Wisdom and Kitty Pryde
>Kitty Pryde was the perennial X-sweetheart. Fans adored her for her
>girl-next-door sensibilities and gumption in the face of danger. For
>most of her publication existence, her love life consisted of pining
>for the older, emotionally inaccessible Colossus. Until 1995, that is,
>when she shacked up with M:16 agent Pete Wisdom. On paper, there's
>nothing particularly illicit about their relationship. But when you
>consider that this story was penned by Warren Ellis, and Wisdom is the
>archetypal, cigarette-chomping comic manifestation of Ellis' psyche
>(see: Spider Jerusalem, Elijah Snow, William Gravel)...well, it
>becomes abundantly clear that Kitty Pryde lost her virginity to Warren
>Ellis.
>
>
>4.) Ultimate Scarlet Witch and Ultimate Quicksilver
>
>I'm going to eschew the snark here and simply explain what happened in
>the comics.
>
>1.) In the series Ultimates 3, Wolverine sleeps with Magneto's lover,
>Magda.
>2.) Magda gives birth to Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch, who could very
>well be Wolverine's kids.
>3.) Scarlet Witch consummates an incestuous love affair with her
>brother, Quicksilver. Wolverine watches from the underbrush.
>
>In sum, Ultimate Wolverine watched his (possible) children have sex
>with each other...from under a hedge. Cold hard fact. Greek tragedy
>probably has a term for this, but it's just eluding me.
>
>3.) Madelyne Pryor and Cyclops
>
>
>Again, another rare instance where it's easier to explain exactly what
>happened.
>
>1.) Cyclops meets Madelyne Pryor, a woman who looks exactly like his
>dead girlfriend, Jean Grey.
>2.) He marries Madelyne Pryor. Their son Nathan is born.
>3.) Jean Grey comes back from the dead. Cyke abandons his family to
>party on a new superteam with his ex-dead X-ex. Maddie sees nary a
>child support payment.
>4.) Mr. Sinister reveals the Madelyne is a clone of Jean Grey that he
>bred specifically to breed with Cyclops. Maddie goes off the deep end,
>gains demonic powers, and commits suicide. Everyone promptly forgets
>about her (she was just a clone).
>5.) Cyclops remains a cherished X-hero to this day.
>
>It's worth noting that the Scott Summers deadbeat dad saga was not
>some fringe storyline but rather the grounds for Inferno, a company-
>wide crossover in the 1980s.
>
>
>2.) Wolverine and Every Women He's Ever Dated
>
>For a man of a certain age, it's understandable that Wolverine has had
>a city bus worth of soulmates in his day. What's a little stranger is
>how many of them meet a horrible, abrupt death before they even hit
>40. (Consult this chart for details.)
>
>1.) Professor Xavier and Jean Grey
>
>In X-Men #4 (1964), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby provided us the mostly
>forgotten tableau of a forty-something Professor X waxing erotic for
>an underage Jean Grey. This panel was left unaddressed until the
>Onslaught saga of the mid-90s, during which the Professor's hidden
>lust made a creepily unnecessary return for no apparent reason. This
>plot point then disappeared into the Aether of Hilariously Terrible
>Silver Age Comic Book Ideas until the mid-2000s, when Robert Kirkman
>resurrected it during his tenure on Ultimate X-Men.
>
>
>Dishonorable Mention: Most of the love affairs during Chuck Austen's
>run on Uncanny X-Men. See: Mystique and Azazel (a.k.a. the real-deal
>Devil), the teenage Husk and the 30+ Archangel, Nurse Annie and Havok
>the coma patient, She-Hulk and the Juggernaut.
Why She-Hulk and the Juggernaut? That sounds like some killer sex. Literally.
--
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Tim Turnip
Not if neither can hurt the other (and also assuming they make love
somewhere they're not apt to injure innocent neighbors, bystanders,
etc. in the heedless frenzy of their passion, like say the moon).
But it does sound like the most healthy relationship in this entire
email by far.
Eminence
wrote:
>>>Dishonorable Mention: ... She-Hulk and the Juggernaut.
>>
>>Why She-Hulk and the Juggernaut? That sounds like some killer sex. Literally.
>
>Not if neither can hurt the other (and also assuming they make love
>somewhere they're not apt to injure innocent neighbors, bystanders,
>etc. in the heedless frenzy of their passion, like say the moon).
>
>But it does sound like the most healthy relationship in this entire
>email by far.
Given the nature of Juggernaut's power, it sounds like She-Hulk was in
for some serious rug burns.
Eminence
_______________
Usenet: Global Village of the Damned
grinningdemon
It was retconned as a She Hulk impostor (after they made tons of jokes
about it during Dan Slott's She Hulk run)...and Juggernaut was
significantly weakened at the time.
grinningdemon
Havok and his nurse getting together wasn't all that creepy...it's not
like she was molesting him before he woke up...the worst part of that
whole bit was the way Austen wrote Polaris as a total whack-job and
borderline evil...but it's Austen, so I suppose awful characterization
is to be expected.
Ken Arromdee
>>forgotten tableau of a forty-something Professor X waxing erotic for
>>an underage Jean Grey.
Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it looks
like.
--
Ken Arromdee / arromdee_AT_rahul.net / http://www.rahul.net/arromdee
Obi-wan Kenobi: "Only a Sith deals in absolutes."
Yoda: "Do or do not. There is no 'try'."
Michael
>>>In X-Men #4 (1964), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby provided us the mostly
>>>forgotten tableau of a forty-something Professor X waxing erotic for
>>>an underage Jean Grey.
>
>
> Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
> but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
> you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
> age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it looks
> like.
Didn't we later learn that Prof. X had fought in Korea (in the
Juggernaut's first appearance)? So say he's 20 then, he'd have to be in
his early 30 at the time of the cited "incident".
In any case it was a throwaway line that was brought back for fun and
thrills during Robert Kirkman's abhorrent reign of terror on Ultimate
X-Men, which, IMHO, led to the demise of the book and prompted the fun
and thrills that was Ultimatum and the trashing of the Ultimate line
that Ultimate Spider-Man is still trying to recover from.
Michael
Jason Todd
> Ken Arromdee wrote:
> >>>In X-Men #4 (1964), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby provided us the mostly
> >>>forgotten tableau of a forty-something Professor X waxing erotic for
> >>>an underage Jean Grey.
>
> > Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
> > but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
> > you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
> > age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it looks
> > like.
>
> Didn't we later learn that Prof. X had fought in Korea (in the
> Juggernaut's first appearance)? So say he's 20 then, he'd have to be in
> his early 30 at the time of the cited "incident".
>
Good luck trying to define
a) character age
b) chronological time lines
...in comics. I still get a headache trying to figure out how Bruce
Wayne and Nightwing are roughly the same age
Michael
They are?! IIRC Grayson joined Bruce when the former was 10-12ish and
Batman was 30-35 ish. Later years would put them closer together in
age, but even then the difference never got any shorter than 10 years at
best.
Michael
grinningdemon
Arromdee) wrote:
>>>In X-Men #4 (1964), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby provided us the mostly
>>>forgotten tableau of a forty-something Professor X waxing erotic for
>>>an underage Jean Grey.
>
>Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
>but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
>you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
>age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it looks
>like.
I know we can't plot his age exactly but there is no way in hell
Xavier was only in his 20s in the original X-Men days...not a
chance...at least late 30s or early 40s...he fought in Korea and, even
under the original timeline, that would still have put him in his 30s
at the youngest...he has always been written as contemporary with
Magneto and he certainly wasn't in his 20s at that point.
grinningdemon
wrote:
Ultimate X-Men was never anything but crap but it did seem to get even
worse with each successive writer...even writers I normally love
couldn't make that book worth a damn...and Ultimatum was easily the
worst Ultimate story yet...I don't think even USM (which had already
gone down hill by that point) will be able to recover from it.
Anim8rFSK
Michael <this...@for.rent> wrote:
> Jason Todd wrote:
> > On Feb 18, 12:02 pm, Michael <thissp...@for.rent> wrote:
> >
> >>Ken Arromdee wrote:
> >>
> >>>>>In X-Men #4 (1964), Stan Lee and Jack Kirby provided us the mostly
> >>>>>forgotten tableau of a forty-something Professor X waxing erotic for
> >>>>>an underage Jean Grey.
> >>
> >>>Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
> >>>but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
> >>>you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
> >>>age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it
> >>>looks
> >>>like.
> >>
> >>Didn't we later learn that Prof. X had fought in Korea (in the
> >>Juggernaut's first appearance)? So say he's 20 then, he'd have to be in
> >>his early 30 at the time of the cited "incident".
> >>
> >
> >
> > Good luck trying to define
> > a) character age
> > b) chronological time lines
> >
> > ...in comics. I still get a headache trying to figure out how Bruce
> > Wayne and Nightwing are roughly the same age
>
> They are?! IIRC Grayson joined Bruce when the former was 10-12ish and
> Batman was 30-35 ish.
Nah. Robin joins him in year 2, which would make The Batman more like
25, not 35.
Later years would put them closer together in
> age, but even then the difference never got any shorter than 10 years at
> best.
Which is about where it started.
--
As Adam West as Bruce Wayne as Batman said in "Smack in the Middle"
the second half of the 1966 BATMAN series pilot when Jill St. John
as Molly as Robin as Molly fell into the Batmobile's atomic pile:
"What a terrible way to go-go"
Rev. Richard Skull
>
> - Show quoted text -
The worst was when Woverine was fisting that other guy.
Ken Arromdee
Michael <this...@for.rent> wrote:
>> Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
>> but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
>> you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
>> age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it looks
>> like.
>Didn't we later learn that Prof. X had fought in Korea (in the
>Juggernaut's first appearance)? So say he's 20 then, he'd have to be in
>his early 30 at the time of the cited "incident".
I should know better than to trust Wikipedia. The OHOTMU page
http://marvel.com/universe/Professor_X says he *entered* college at age 16 and
graduated in two years at 18.
At this point we no longer have exact numbers. He went to Oxford and met
Moira MacTaggert. Let's say two years (he didn't finish).
Assume one more year for the military. One more for meeting Gabrielle Haller
and Magneto. Then finishing graduate studies at Columbia and psychiatry in
London (add two years each, since he's a comic book genius).
He then meets Jean prior to X-Men #1, at which point Jean is 10 and he's 26.
A little older than I expected, but still not in his forties.
Rob Cypher aka "The Anti-Bob"
>In article <Doefn.566$sx5...@newsfe16.iad>,
>Michael <this...@for.rent> wrote:
>>> Professor X was not forty-something. His bald head makes him look older,
>>> but it's caused by his mutant powers, not by age. He's also younger than
>>> you'd expect because he's super-intelligent and graduated college at the
>>> age of 16. Granted, he's still in his 20's, but it's not quite what it looks
>>> like.
>>Didn't we later learn that Prof. X had fought in Korea (in the
>>Juggernaut's first appearance)? So say he's 20 then, he'd have to be in
>>his early 30 at the time of the cited "incident".
>
>I should know better than to trust Wikipedia. The OHOTMU page
>http://marvel.com/universe/Professor_X says he *entered* college at age 16 and
>graduated in two years at 18.
>
>At this point we no longer have exact numbers. He went to Oxford and met
>Moira MacTaggert. Let's say two years (he didn't finish).
>
>Assume one more year for the military. One more for meeting Gabrielle Haller
>and Magneto. Then finishing graduate studies at Columbia and psychiatry in
>London (add two years each, since he's a comic book genius).
>
>He then meets Jean prior to X-Men #1, at which point Jean is 10 and he's 26.
>A little older than I expected, but still not in his forties.
So at the time she's probably 14 and he's 30. Is that really better?