Faux Fun Facts -- a Dark Week 2/09 Amusement
James Langdell
to writing some "Faux Fun Facts". That should be less heavy lifting
than Mock Top Ten Lists.
If you want to play along in this thread either:
A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
B. Email me [jameslangdell AT gmail DOT com] with one to five words or
names that I'll use as seeds for further Faux Fun Facts.
Here's the first batch...
A grandson of General Grant's horse was the model for Gumby's friend
Pokey.
Forty percent of poems sound better if you start with the last line
and work backwards to the beginning.
Twenty percent of poems sound better if you start with the last line
and leave it at that.
Calendar makers continue to marvel that Mardi Gras falls on a Tuesday
consistently year after year.
Just Born, Inc., failed to extend its product portfolio after selling
few gray-colored Peeps for Ash Wednesday.
The American Revolution succeeded because the British Redcoats were
still using rifles that only shot out flags saying "Bang!".
Asbestos gloves were far more popular before the invention of the
light switch.
After the ninth planet was disqualified, Pluto couldn't get his dog
license renewed either.
At least 728 people are electrocuted each year attempting to take
urine tests online.
Because a trainload failed to be delivered to MGM Studios in time,
The Wizard of Oz failed to showcase the Yellow Linolium Road.
--James
R H Draney
>
>During this dark week of no fresh Letterman shows, I'll turn my hand
>to writing some "Faux Fun Facts". That should be less heavy lifting
>than Mock Top Ten Lists.
>
>If you want to play along in this thread either:
>
>A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
>
>B. Email me [jameslangdell AT gmail DOT com] with one to five words or
>names that I'll use as seeds for further Faux Fun Facts.
I'll take A:
Jose Feliciano is Norwegian, but changed his name for professional reasons.
Ewok tastes like chicken.
Dr Seuss had an irrational fear of sneetches.
In a secret bunker beneath the Rocky Mountains, guarded by a combination known
only to the President of the United States, is a sealed envelope containing the
home phone number of Steve Gutenberg.
By night, Rupert Jee is a costumed crimefighter.
....r
--
"You got Schadenfreude on my Weltanschauung!"
"You got Weltanschauung in my Schadenfreude!"
James Langdell
> By night, Rupert Jee is a costumed crimefighter.
I was very glad to see you put in this item. I believe Fun Facts are
much more effective when there's a few really-true facts like this
sprinkled in.
--James
James Langdell
blame for these Faux Fun Facts.
Hand sanitizer was created through a bungled attempt to invent Roach
Paste Clear.
For an extra $20, most H&R Block tax preparers will throw in a Tarot
card reading.
In an earlier script draft, "Brokeback Mountain" was envisioned as an
animated film vehicle for Chip & Dale.
During the past 38 years, Turtle Wax hasn't been made with any parts
from real turtles.
Carole King's wrote and recorded "I Feel The Earth Move Under My
Feet" in just 45 minutes after first hearing one of Bill Cosby's Fat
Albert routines.
Beetle Bailey's sisters are Lois (of Hi and Lois) and Tommie (of Apt.
3G).
Measles are no longer treated with cheerful humming.
The photocopier was first developed by carney folk who dreamed of mass
producing tattooed ladies.
Kelly Ripa was born in a bass saxophone case.
What crabs lack in lips, they make up for in elbows.
--James
Default User
> James Langdell filted:
> >
> > During this dark week of no fresh Letterman shows, I'll turn my hand
> > to writing some "Faux Fun Facts". That should be less heavy lifting
> > than Mock Top Ten Lists.
> >
> > If you want to play along in this thread either:
> >
> > A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
> >
> > B. Email me [jameslangdell AT gmail DOT com] with one to five words
> > or names that I'll use as seeds for further Faux Fun Facts.
>
> I'll take A:
>
> Jose Feliciano is Norwegian, but changed his name for professional
> reasons.
>
> Ewok tastes like chicken.
>
> Dr Seuss had an irrational fear of sneetches.
>
> In a secret bunker beneath the Rocky Mountains, guarded by a
> combination known only to the President of the United States, is a
> sealed envelope containing the home phone number of Steve Gutenberg.
>
> By night, Rupert Jee is a costumed crimefighter.
<weird science>
In 1959, three Soviet Georgian yak herders inexplicably burst into
flame.
In 1962, a glowing cloud of wood mites destroyed all the nylon in a
northwestern fishing village.
In 1974, a man the size of a walnut was captured and interrogated by
South American freedom fighters.
</weird science>
Brian
--
Day 21 of the "no grouchy usenet posts" project
Traci
> In a secret bunker beneath the Rocky Mountains, guarded by a combination known
> only to the President of the United States, is a sealed envelope containing the
> home phone number of Steve Gutenberg.
LOL!!! Every joke is always better when Steve Gutenberg is a part of it.
Traci
--
"Not only do I want an *elite* president. I want someone who is
embarrassingly superior to me. Somebody who speaks 16 languages and
sleeps two hours a night hanging upside down in a chamber they
themselves designed."
--Jon Stewart, TDS
James Langdell
James Langdell
"In God We Trust" was added to US currency during the Civil War as an
answer to Confederate dollars with the motto, "Kiss My Grits!"
Prior to WWII, an early form of Twitter was introduced that used
ticker tape machines.
Cote du Rhone is the best wine to serve a wet dog covered in cat pee.
Since 2005, the X-Games include a ping pong event where the table is
set on fire during the match.
Most of the bottled water sold in this country is relabeled bottled
ice.
Herb Albert almost became the fifth Pointer Sister.
Idaho once shared a border with Kansas before Idaho lost it in a craps
game.
When served properly, woodpeckers prefer the tasts of stucco.
Jelly Beans + Sardines = Most popular snack served at surrealist art
gallery openings
Croutons + Steve Gutenberg = Much funnier than just croutons
--James
James Langdell
> Herb Albert almost became the fifth Pointer Sister.
Of course it was really Herb Alpert who almost became the fifth
Pointer Sister.
--James
DTSmith
That wasn't your only spelling mistake in the previous hilarious
lists. (your Fun Facts are much better than Dave's)
James Langdell
> On Feb 24, 7:17 pm, James Langdell <JamesLangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> > James Langdell would like to correct the following:
>
> > > Herb Albert almost became the fifth Pointer Sister.
>
> > Of course it was really Herb Alpert who almost became the fifth
> > Pointer Sister.
>
> > --James
>
> That wasn't your only spelling mistake in the previous hilarious
> lists.
As to the other misspellings, I'm not so upset in a first draft.
Though,
I suppose I could claim that my fictional MGM Studio was purchasing a
cheap knockoff of Linoleum called Linolium.
As I catch spelling error, I'm trying to clean them up before posting
a compilation when this Dark Week ends. If you spot more mistakes,
please let me know so I can fix them in the remix. I'd prefer
receiving email to report the errors, to reduce the noise level in the
newsgroup.
> (your Fun Facts are much better than Dave's)
Thank you. I actually enjoy the Fun Facts segments, but I've noticed
what qualities the items I enjoy have. I try to practice what I
prefer, and hope others are entertained as well, at least
occasionally.
--James
R H Draney
>
>R H Draney says...
>
>>In a secret bunker beneath the Rocky Mountains, guarded by a combination known
>>only to the President of the United States, is a sealed envelope containing the
>> home phone number of Steve Gutenberg.
>
>LOL!!! Every joke is always better when Steve Gutenberg is a part of it.
Does that even need pointing out any more?...r
Sally
> Here's some more. I've not seen any seed words yet, so I'm entirely to
> blame for these Faux Fun Facts.
>
> Hand sanitizer was created through a bungled attempt to invent Roach
> Paste Clear.
>
> For an extra $20, most H&R Block tax preparers will throw in a Tarot
> card reading.
>
> In an earlier script draft, "Brokeback Mountain" was envisioned as an
> animated film vehicle for Chip & Dale.
>
> During the past 38 years, Turtle Wax hasn't been made with any parts
> from real turtles.
>
> Carole King's wrote and recorded "I Feel The Earth Move Under My
> Feet" �in just 45 minutes after first hearing one of Bill Cosby's Fat
> Albert routines.
>
> Beetle Bailey's sisters are Lois (of Hi and Lois) and Tommie (of Apt.
> 3G).
>
> Measles are no longer treated with cheerful humming.
>
> The photocopier was first developed by carney folk who dreamed of mass
> producing tattooed ladies.
>
> Kelly Ripa was born in a bass saxophone case.
>
> What crabs lack in lips, they make up for in elbows.
>
> --James
I must interrupt simply to say, "Bravo." That's all. The Chip 'n Dale
one clinched it.
Sally
>
> James Langdell <JamesLangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > During this dark week of no fresh Letterman shows, I'll turn my hand
> > to writing some "Faux Fun Facts". That should be less heavy lifting
> > than Mock Top Ten Lists.
>
> > If you want to play along in this thread either:
>
> > A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
>
> > B. Email me [jameslangdell AT gmail DOT com] with one to five words or
> > names that I'll use as seeds for further Faux Fun Facts.- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
Sally
My attempt:
Bojangles's real name was Beau, but there was another actor named Beau
Jangles, so the studio changed his name to Bojangles.
Errol Flynn was always attracted to younger women, but never had an
affair with his true love, Shirley Temple.
A peasant named Ivan accidentally stepped on a rake and when it hit
him in the groin, he yelled IVAN...OH, and a writer passing by in a
coach needed a name for a book he was writing, so he said, "Thank you,
God," and scribbled "Ivanhoe" in his notebook.
The Marquis de Sade used to promise all his girlfriends diamond rings,
and then went to the Diamond District in New York on Yom Kippur.
Craig Ferguson doesn't want it known, but his real name is Cliff.
The expression "hung like a horse" was not a result of Catherine the
Great's supposed sex life with horses, but because of an outlaw horse
named Meanie, who was finally captured after robbing and killing the
owner of a feed store in Chicago, and got lynched on the spot.
There's a statue of Thomas Edison in Africa as a remembrance of his
electrocuting Topsy, a doomed elephant scheduled to be killed in Coney
Island. The elephants use it as a urinal at the Edison Zoo in
Zimbambwe. (This is not true. Just a fun fact.)
Sally
S. W. Ohio Bob
The "Paul is Dead" rumor of the '60s was made up by David Letterman
during a drunken weekend in Malibu and actually meant to refer to Paul
Shaffer.
James Langdell
by Rod Fernandez.
The pie was invented by the Romans as a container for soldiers to
transport precious salt. When an old pie was used on a hot day to
carry peaches instead, one Roman said, "Hey, I think we're onto
something!" Of course, he actually said it in Latin, you know.
Obama's stimulus package includes a mandate for Iooser slots at Indian
casinos.
Forensic studies of Egyptian mummies prove that the great pyramids
were built using steroids.
While 2009 sees the first octomom, back in the 1970s Wilt Chamberlain
became the first octodad following dates with fifteen women on the
same day.
Due to a bad dubbing job on a Disney classic film, "Jai Ho" is what
most Japanese call the Seven Dwarfs.
[Rod's words were pie, stimulus package, steroids, octomom, and jai
ho.]
--James
James Langdell
Read emailed to me (more to come later):
Eleanor Roosevelt was the only First Lady to have been married to two
presidents with the same last name.
In 1662 the first Punch and Judy show was performed in England. On
that date, Regis Philbin had his hand up Judy.
An early 20th-century child labor law also removed knife throwing from
the kindergarten curriculum.
If today's wonderfully tasty bacon had been around a few thousand
years ago, what is written in the Book of Leviticus would be very
different.
The first computer program was written by Ada Lovelace to enable
Charles Babbage's Difference Engine to create a vast database that
kept track of Beau Brummel's cravats.
[Helen's seed words were Eleanor Roosevelt, Regis, kindergarten,
bacon, and the first computer program.]
--James
On Feb 24, 12:08 pm, James Langdell <JamesLangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
James Langdell
>
> My attempt:
>
> There's a statue of Thomas Edison in Africa as a remembrance of his
> electrocuting Topsy, a doomed elephant scheduled to be killed in Coney
> Island. The elephants use it as a urinal at the Edison Zoo in
> Zimbambwe. (This is not true. Just a fun fact.)
Nice callback to Edison's actual electrocution of an elephant,
intended to demonstrate the danger of Tesla's competing electrical
system.
Now if only you could have also woven into that same Faux Fun Fact
something about P.T. Barnum and Tufts University...
--James
--James
James Langdell
"Turn me on, bald man."
--James
R H Draney
>
>Here's some more Faux Fun Facts, inspired by some of the words Helen
>Read emailed to me (more to come later):
>
>Eleanor Roosevelt was the only First Lady to have been married to two
>presidents with the same last name.
>
>In 1662 the first Punch and Judy show was performed in England. On
>that date, Regis Philbin had his hand up Judy.
>
>An early 20th-century child labor law also removed knife throwing from
>the kindergarten curriculum.
>
>If today's wonderfully tasty bacon had been around a few thousand
>years ago, what is written in the Book of Leviticus would be very
>different.
>
>The first computer program was written by Ada Lovelace to enable
>Charles Babbage's Difference Engine to create a vast database that
>kept track of Beau Brummel's cravats.
Prior to the widespread use of electricity, a popular dance was the "steam
slide". President Chester A Arthur was said to have excelled at it.
Apart from humans, the capybara is the only animal capable of yodeling.
There is actually no such place as Leichtenstein.
In the early 1980s, the writers of "Green Lantern" comics introduced a subplot
in which the hero suffered from chronic lactose intolerance.
During China's Tian dynasty, bored noblemen perfected the art of
poodle-juggling.
....r
James Langdell
words emailed to me by Helen Read.
One of Beethoven's early lieder includes the refrain, "Roll over
Forberger / Tell Vivaldi the news".
Roswell, New Mexico's Area 52 houses a secret studio where Xuxa tapes
kiddy shows for broadcast to other planets.
Gary Mule Deer is big on Neptune.
The Elevators was a rock band in Paris inspired by The Doors. The
group's died-too-young lead singer is buried at Forest Lawn in Los
Angeles.
[Helen's words were Beethoven, Roswell, New Mexico, Neptune, and
French elevators.]
--James
James Langdell
The first item in this group should be...
One of Beethoven's early lieder includes the refrain, "Roll over
Froberger / Tell Vivaldi the news".
My apologies to all those readers who couldn't figure out who
"Forberger" was due to my error.
--James
James Langdell
> In the early 1980s, the writers of "Green Lantern" comics introduced a subplot
> in which the hero suffered from chronic lactose intolerance.
I remember the climax of that Green Lantern story arc. The Suspicious
Cheese Lords imprisoned the hero in the center of a Moon-sized ball of
yellow cheese. Because of impurities in the power ring, it's beam was
incapable of cutting the cheese. But Hal Jordan's unequaled will power
enabled him to persist in eating his way through the cheese ball and
ultimately defeat the Suspicious Cheese Lords, saving several sectors
of the universe from immediate doom.
The story ended with a large panel showing Green Lantern recharging
his ring, even though overcome by reactions to the massive quantities
of lactose he had been exposed to. He recited the Green Lantern Oath:
"Ib brigest *SNORK* dah, ib dargesh *POOOOOT!" naght. Naw ebil *SNORK*
wih esabe mah *POOT! POOT! POOT! PLAMBO!!!* saht..."
--James
Brady
> During this dark week of no fresh Letterman shows, I'll turn my hand
> to writing some "Faux Fun Facts". That should be less heavy lifting
> than Mock Top Ten Lists.
>
> If you want to play along in this thread either:
>
> A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
Fun. Here's a couple ...
Before Punxsutawney Phil, the duration of winter was determined by
Richland Rex, a mangy nutria rat in Sacksonia, Louisiana.
For a brief period prior to the (now-defunct) gold standard, the US
monetary system was backed by reserves of delicious mints.
According to a newly-discovered Dead Sea scroll, the Book of Revelation
was written after the Apostle John decided to spice up his manna with a
whole jar of primo morning glory seeds, the volume of which was .003
cubic cubits.
'Dear Dr. Phil - My problem is: I love too much. Please advise. Your # 1
fan, Brady.' (Now what's that doing in there?! That's obviously a
mistake. I don't know how that slipped through. Why, I oughtta ... )
Don Herbert used to enjoy 'freaking people out' with his 'Science is for
Suckers' bumper sticker.
Brady
James Langdell
After mating, a bilumic black widow spider regurgitates her partner's
head.
In this age of email, some dogs have evolved to back routers.
The next several Harry Potter novels were already written by Leonardo
da Vinci.
A poll shows many teenagers would rather play Chinese Checkers than
video games if only the marbles would 'splode.
Those cheap bastards at Harper's Index never pick up a round of drinks
at list making conventions.
--James
On Feb 24, 12:08 pm, James Langdell <JamesLangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
James Langdell
In this age of email, some dogs have evolved to bark wildly at
routers.
--James
Brady
> Ok, one of those made no sense as written. Here goes again...
>
> In this age of email, some dogs have evolved to bark wildly at
> routers.
Heh. It's all good. With the first version, we could make up our own
ways how it made sense.
Brady
DTSmith
Because of impurities in the power ring, it's beam was
> incapable of cutting the cheese.
its, not it's
I told you I was good at this.
DTSmith
> I'm just cused when typing the names of musicians this time around.
>
Cused?
Again, I warned you.
DTSmith
I just assumed I was too dumb to get it.
Helen Read
> Here's some more Faux Fun Facts, inspired by some of the words Helen
> Read emailed to me (more to come later):
Thanks, James. These are great.
> Eleanor Roosevelt was the only First Lady to have been married to two
> presidents with the same last name.
I think the same could be said for Grover Cleveland's wife, Frances.
--
HPR
Helen Read
> Ok, one of those made no sense as written. Here goes again...
>
> In this age of email, some dogs have evolved to bark wildly at
> routers.
>
>
>> head.
This one didn't make sense either, until I realized you meant bulimic.
As for dogs barking wildly at routers, my parents' dog used to bark
wildly at the electric mixer, until they started letting him lick the
beaters after they were through mixing. Now he comes running to the
kitchen when he hears the mixer, and stands helpfully at the feet of
whoever is doing the mixing. [This is a True Fact.]
--
HPR
Helen Read
>
>> A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
>
> Fun. Here's a couple ...
>
> Before Punxsutawney Phil, the duration of winter was determined by
> Richland Rex, a mangy nutria rat in Sacksonia, Louisiana.
>
> For a brief period prior to the (now-defunct) gold standard, the US
> monetary system was backed by reserves of delicious mints.
The Great Wall of China is made of tongue depressors and Elmer's Glue.
If you unwrap a Wagner tuba, it would stretch from Boston to Milwaukee.
The first successful tonsillectomy was performed using an electric
toothbrush.
--
HPR
Brady
My dog barks at the vacuum cleaner.
Hey, does anyone have a record of all the Fun Facts we've heard on the Show?
Because I have a fun fact about the (Biblical) Last Supper, but I think
it may be one I heard on the Show.
I'm just gonna keep saying 'Show' ...
Brady
James Langdell
MSNBC started out as a cable TV network aimed at women of ambiguous
marital status.
IKEA started out as a company that just manufactured cardboard boxes,
until they figured out some stuff to put inside the boxes.
The original family-run McDonald's Restaurant bought dozens of milk
shake blenders from Ray Kroc to help keep up with the high demand for
haggis smoothies.
For several years, all of humanity has successfully kept the secret
from cats that they are being constantly ridiculed on the internet.
Meet The Press used to be broadcast from a dive bar, because that's
where you find them.
After tasting a spoonful of Maypo, Marcel Proust started another whole
series of novels.
Sudoku is a lot more relaxing when you just write any number you want
in each square. Or letters. Whatever...
Sally Field was executive producer of a spinoff TV show called "The
Snokeling Nun", but it didn't last.
--James
On Feb 24, 12:08 pm, James Langdell <JamesLangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
> During this dark week of no fresh Letterman shows, I'll turn my hand
> to writing some "Faux Fun Facts". That should be less heavy lifting
> than Mock Top Ten Lists.
>
> If you want to play along in this thread either:
>
> A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
>
teece...@gmail.com
> > A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
Hotheaded Irish actor Colin Ferrell often mistakenly receives fan mail
intended for Mike Farrell, TV's beloved Captain BJ Hunnicutt from
"M*A*S*H."
In Mandarin Chinese, the term "Super Bowl" translates into
"extravagant piss-pot."
The top three baby names for girls in 2008 were Orencia, Propecia, and
Boniva
Tom
Helen Read
>
> The Great Wall of China is made of tongue depressors and Elmer's Glue.
I'm still not happy with this one. Here are a few more tries at it.
The Great Wall of China is made of old 45s of "Kung Fu Fighting"
The Great Wall of China is made of discarded DVDs of "Plan 9 from Outer
Space"
The Great Wall of China took 3 days to build.
> If you unwrap a Wagner tuba, it would stretch from Boston to Milwaukee.
>
> The first successful tonsillectomy was performed using an electric
> toothbrush.
A few more entries:
In his early twenties, Tom Brokaw once went over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Due to erosion, Mt. Everest is now 753 feet high.
Thomas Edison invented tater tots.
Millard Fillmore was the only U.S. president to walk on the Moon.
Harrison Ford was the first person to fly solo across Lake Ontario.
--
HPR
R H Draney
>
>Helen Read wrote:
>>
>> The Great Wall of China is made of tongue depressors and Elmer's Glue.
>
>I'm still not happy with this one. Here are a few more tries at it.
>
>The Great Wall of China is made of old 45s of "Kung Fu Fighting"
>
>The Great Wall of China is made of discarded DVDs of "Plan 9 from Outer
>Space"
>
>The Great Wall of China took 3 days to build.
Out of every ten tourists who visit the Great Wall of China, three are there to
find out if it's true that you can see the moon from it....r
R H Draney
>
>On Feb 25, 11:02=A0pm, James Langdell <JamesLangd...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> > A. Write your own Faux Fun Facts and post them.
>
>
>Hotheaded Irish actor Colin Ferrell often mistakenly receives fan mail
>intended for Mike Farrell, TV's beloved Captain BJ Hunnicutt from
>"M*A*S*H."
Every June 15th, Rich Little and Little Richard meet in Las Vegas to exchange
all the misrouted fan-mail they've received over the previous year...Dan Quayle
and Danny Partridge are considering setting up a similar arrangement....
>In Mandarin Chinese, the term "Super Bowl" translates into
>"extravagant piss-pot."
Funny, that's what it means in English too....
>The top three baby names for girls in 2008 were Orencia, Propecia, and
>Boniva
Number eleven on the list was "Nigeria"....r
Helen Read
to the department this afternoon.
Begin forwarded message
---------------------------------
Date: Thu, 26 Feb 2009 13:59:41 -0500
Subject: fun fact to know and tell
> Number of inches between the Earth and the Sun (mean):
>
> 149.6*10^6*(1/1.609347219)*5280*12
>
> or 5.88975*10^12. Call that number A.
>
> Number of miles in a light-year:
>
> 186282.397*3600*24*365.25
>
> or 5.87863*10^12. Call that number B.
>
> Ratio of A/B: 1.00189.
>
> Priceless!
R H Draney
I read this four times before I figured out that it's completely meaningless
(that's one more than the greatest number of times I've read some of Robert
Cohen's posts to reach the same conclusion)....
Now, if you want a genuinely interesting mathematical coincidence:
sqrt(163) = (ln 262537412640768744) / pi
to anything less than twelve digits...since e and pi are notoriously irrational
and wouldn't be caught dead generating a whole number in this way, the magic
obviously lies in the number 163....
Now, I used to have a parking permit numbered 163...I told people that the above
Fun Fact was how I was able to remember it...unfortunately, it fell out of the
door pocket one weekend and was lost in a shopping-mall parking lot...I asked
the security people at work if they could just re-issue a new permit with the
same number, but they refused...I was forced to live my life in reduced
circumstances with the utterly useless number 1416....r
Sally
I do know that Tesla's electrical system ultimately prevailed. As to
weaving P.T. Barnum and Tufts University into that thread, that is
VERY funny. You don't want much from me, do ya? You genius, you. And
Topsy was the real name of the elephant Edison electrocuted. It's a
long, sad story of animal abuse and no one wants to hear it. Just the
usual case of horrific torturous abuse ending in death. Kind of a
snuff movie, since Topsy was a female. Yeah, I know about snuff
movies. That's just one reason I'm a feminist. In fact, I left Betty
Friedan's employ because she was so moderate. I felt my views were too
extreme, so I went into High School teaching. I directed plays and
sublimated. Read The Gettysburgh Addresss over and over in Speech
classes. In fact, there was a student named Obama who was absolutely
outstanding, as I recall...
Sally
James Langdell
The following Faux Fun Facts are obliquely inspired by selections
played at a band concert I conducted on Saturday.
The official song of the state of Wisconsin is Malaguena.
As an enthusiast of the early French cinema, Claude Debussy composed
the "Let's all go to the lobby" jingle.
Mentos were invented by ancient Romans to propel the flow of water
through the aqueduct.
In an early draft of "The Nutcracker", Tchaikowsky sketched themes
depicting an elf who wanted to be a dentist.
The Great Crush Collision (where two trains were deliberately smashed
into each other for the amusement of spectators) was thought of by
railroad executive George Crush after seeing two fat guys belly
bumping in a Waco saloon.
An unknown Italian invented the modern mustache. Previously, hair was
allowed to grown above the lip only on one side or the other.
Attempts were made to revive the traditional cakewalk dance craze,
when the inventors of the Roomba marketed a cake stand that moved
under its own power.
George Burns got his earliest gigs in show business working as a
Wagnerian heldentenor.
--James
Sally
Exactly what happened at the band concert, James? Was it kind
of....out of control?
Sally
James Langdell
>
> Exactly what happened at the band concert, James? Was it kind
> of....out of control?
No, the concert went well. I considered the individual pieces of
music I programmed for inspiration for Faux Fun Facts. Here's some
explanations.
> > The official song of the state of Wisconsin is Malaguena.
>
A suite of pieces of Albeniz, arranged for band, included one titled
Malaguena. This isn't the more famous piece with that title by
Lecuona.
> > As an enthusiast of the early French cinema, Claude Debussy composed
> > the "Let's all go to the lobby" jingle.
The program included "Gollywog's Cake walk" by Debussy, along with a
suite by Sousa inspired by styles of music for silent films.
> > Mentos were invented by ancient Romans to propel the flow of water
> > through the aqueduct.
The program included a piece of salon music titled "Sparklets". The
original piano sheet music has a picture of a fountain on it, and the
Sousa suite we played called for a rain machine to depict a fountain.
(We used two rain sticks instead.)
> > In an early draft of "The Nutcracker", Tchaikowsky sketched themes
> > depicting an elf who wanted to be a dentist.
The program included an arrangement of the finale from Tchaikowsky's
second symphony, a work much less well known than The Nutcracker.
> > The Great Crush Collision (where two trains were deliberately smashed
> > into each other for the amusement of spectators) was thought of by
> > railroad executive George Crush after seeing two fat guys belly
> > bumping in a Waco saloon.
Inspired by our playing Scott Joplin's "The Great Crush Collision
March", which depicted that event where trains were crashed into each
other for entertainment.
http://www.perfessorbill.com/covers/crushpic.htm
> > An unknown Italian invented the modern mustache. Previously, hair was
> > allowed to grown above the lip only on one side or the other.
We played "That Italian Rag".
> > Attempts were made to revive the traditional cakewalk dance craze,
> > when the inventors of the Roomba marketed a cake stand that moved
> > under its own power.
Also inspired by the Debussy piece and a calkwalk style march on the
program.
> > George Burns got his earliest gigs in show business working as a
> > Wagnerian heldentenor.
The program ended with "The Red Rose Rag". The song version of this
was in George Burns's repertoire for most of his career.
--James
Helen Read
> Here's a (probably) final group of Faux Fun Facts for this dark week.
>
> The following Faux Fun Facts are obliquely inspired by selections
> played at a band concert I conducted on Saturday.
Thanks for doing this, James. It has been a fun Dark Week Amusement.
I especially liked this last band concert inspired set.
--
HPR
Sally
May I add that I love to see your mind at play? Thanks, indeed. Very
amusing way to spend a "dark week."
Sally