FORBIDDEN COLORS

[Anal Scordanal]

Memo to All Staff:

Wearing certain colors can be upsetting to other employees or to clients.
Therefore, here is a list of forbidden colors, with explanations.

Blue: This color is forbidden because it is sometimes associated with sadness
and depression, as in "feeling blue" or "having the blues." It is also
associated with vulgarity as in "blue humor."

Red: This color may encourage violence in the workplace due to the fact that it
is the color of blood. It is also forbidden because this color is sometimes
associated with Communists and the Republican party, both of which are known to
offend some people.

Yellow: This color is forbidden because it is associated with cowardice, and
that is not the proper image we wish to project.

Green: This is the color of rancid food, and may upset some people who have had
bad experiences with such.

Orange: This color is absolutely off limits due to the fact that it is the color
of prison uniforms. We cannot permit our employees to look like escaped
convicts.

Purple: This color is forbidden because it is sometimes thought of as a "gay
pride" color, and therefore may be offensive to homophobes.

Brown: Besides being the color of excrement, this color also presents the
problem of sounding like "Braun", which was the last name of the woman who
married Adolph Hitler.

Pink: Corporations often notify workers of employment termination by issuing a
"pink slip." The color pink could bring out unpleasant memories for people who
have lost jobs, and is therefore forbidden.

Black: This color could be associated with the Black Plague or black magic, and
western movie villains. We certainly cannot allow our employees to dress like
villains, and any black clothing is absolutely forbidden.

Gray: This color was worn by Confederate soldiers in the Civil War, and
therefore could be construed by some as projecting a pro-slavery message.

White: This is the color worn by the Ku Klux Klan. We cannot allow employees to
look like Klansmen, so all clothing in this color is strictly prohibited.

All employees must adhere to our organization's dress code, and not wear any of
the above colors.

Sincerely,

Anal Scordanal

[Anon]

I shall wear only seethrough, clingfilm like clothes from now on, not to
scare or intimidate any of my collegues.