Mark pretty well covered it. There are 2..or actually 3 ways of tying them and they all work. You can tie by the tip and wrap using the stem as a 'handle' like this --
The disadvantage of this method is it tends to result in "pulling out" more than the others.
The other methods both include tying the feather to the hook by its stem. You can either tie it by the stem up at the eye of the hook and wrap backwards to your awaiting thread, or you can tie it by the stem as you move toward the eye and then just grasp the feather tip and wrap forward like you would for the first (tip) method in the video ^^.
They all work fine and it's really just personal preference.
It sounds like you probably 'get' how to do it, but just need some practice with it. If you tend to crowd you hook eyes like most of us do, you may get problems when winding the hackle over 'lumps', which will throw your soft hackle collar out of whack, or maybe result in uneven coverage around the collar. I did that for a long time and still mess it up once in a while.
You can also tie them using some alternative methods, some of which allow you to use bigger feathers on smaller hooks. Craven posts his method here --
I prefer the youtube one though where you tie in a bundle and then use a loose wrap to splay the feathers around the hook, sort of like spinning hair. Youtube "soft hackle larger feather" - Walter Wiese - and you'll get it.
Gene