Mostly it seems people use too much heat, and I imagine it's because they use a cheap soldering iron.
I don't know how many thousands of solder joints I've done, but I use a temp-controlled iron and yes, lead solder.
I have been doing this a long time, though, and was certified for doing NASA and DOD quality-controlled stuff, but it's really not that hard.
Don't just let the iron sit, heat up the joint with solder touching it, not the iron. When the solder melts, done. Check for coverage, a shiny joint is a good joint.
Bill