ULTIMATE WEDNESDAY

[Ryan Foster]

6:00

Paonia Town Park

Bring friends, white shirts, dark shirts, cleats, whatever

I am struggling. I was talking to my therapist a while back going over some ridiculous... I mean, valid and reasonable, issues that I have and started laughing. Then I said, "Why do I always find my pain and suffering so funny?" (Laughter.) There was a pause, then Dr. person, we will call Dr. person Niles, said in Niles's best soothing voice all drawn out and soft, "Yeahhh, so, do you think that is a coping mechanism to avoid feeling the underlying emotions?"

Okay, interlude, of course it is. But it is fun and reasonable right? Funny is fun and fun is awesome!

Niles continued: "What if you spent some time sitting with the feelings without being sarcastic and making jokes?"

Me: "... that sounds ... less fun ..." (More laughter.)

Niles: "I really think taking the time to really feel and work on self-compassion is going to mean a lot for you."

So this is the struggle. I have been suppressing jokes at my own expense... I know, right? Terrible idea.

This has led me to discover over the last month or so that self-compassion and deep emotional feelings are not funny. In fact, they are so unfunny that I am starting to lose my ability to be funny. Funny is funny, damnit! I need to laugh at literally everything that causes me pain. I donno, this is just maybe not going to work. All of that sarcastic irreverence and general feeling that everything hilariously doesn't really matter despite all of our hand wringing was my salve, my balm. I mean, what is the point otherwise? Whatever.

[Ryan Strand]

Well, I, for one, think you are very worthy of self compassion and general compassion and all the other lovely things. Big feelings are hard, but crying feels good sometimes, no?

Niles has not told me to be less self deprecating….so listen to this goofy shit I pulled off the other day:

I missed last week because I was mountain biking in flagstaff with a good friend of mine who was only in the country for a short time. This trip overlapped with an important final step in a long and slightly protracted court-related matter between myself and another. This step was a formality, but an important formality nonetheless. Anyway, when I checked in on the order it said that this was simply a phone call. So, I could be anywhere as long as I could call in. In fact, the other person was going to be out of the country. So, no worries. 

Realizing that I could go on the trip without jeopardizing anything was the last I thought about it until I got finished with a big climb up Mt Elden a few days later. This moment was  

coincidentally fifteen minutes AFTER I was to be on the phone. AHGHHHHGGHHH!! Well, I had some messages, I had some missed calls. I panicked, did a lot of cursing, then I called the court. My time had passed and I wasn’t there. Luckily, the other party was and they made sure everything went ahead without a hitch. Boy, did I feel like a fool though.

See you in a couple hours.

Ryan

On Jul 26, 2023, at 11:06 AM, Ryan Foster <ry...@rynamic.com> wrote:



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[Nicholas Emerson Moore]

Howdy yall,

My partner Sam & I found a house to rent up on Pitkin Mesa. We will be moving on Friday, September 1st. I know it's not on a Wednesday, but if you are able to come help us unload the moving truck, that would be super awesome. 

We plan to arrive around 1pm. Let me know if you're able to help. Otherwise, see yall the Wednesday after labor day!

Thanks a bunch