15 Years

[Mommy]

Michael,

If I could make a screaming sound in writing right now that is what you would hear because that is what I am doing. What has happened to me???? Katie called on June 6th to see how I was. I didn't remember. Beside I thought it was the 7th. Katie and Dad believe you left us when you fell, which they think was the 6th. No. It has always been the 7th. I would remember the 20th because that was the day you really left this earth to be in God's hands. No. I didn't remember that, either. Not until I was dating a package of chicken tonight. The 20th...what has happened to me???? Please help me,  Michael. I need you to explain to me what is going on. Have I lost my mind?

I have been feeling released from a fifteen year hold I have put on myself. I have decided, no, inspired to get involved in politics of sort...gun control and fighting for women to choose.What do you think?   

Notes from the 6th after Katie's call: I always talk to you on this day, the day you fell. I have never forgotten. June has always been about you. The 7th and the 20th. It is not my memory. It is not my love for you. It is all that I have to do.

Our trip to Barcelona is not going to happen. You called me from the Gaudi Cathedral in Barcelona telling me I must see this. You who would pack a bag and board a plane in nano time. We are working on it. I want to see everything you saw. Read everything you read. See the world through your eyes. You have left us with a gift.

I have been thinking about you on over time. Not because of dates of events but because of time. Time in my life. Time in your father's life. Time in the United States. Time in the Universe. Time is running out. But hasn't it always? Your time ran out too soon. Or maybe not. Just for us..

I love you so much, Michael. That is what you would always say to me on the notes in my Bible and the emails from you: Mommy, I love you so much.

Mommy

[Rob Levin]

Thinking of Michael with enormous love.

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