recommendations for tachrichim

[Donna Edwards Neumark]

Hello friends,

As an End of Life Doula, I am working with a client on her end of life plan. She very much wants to be cared for at her local CK, where she has participated as a volunteer, but she does not like the material of the tachrichim and is looking for other options.  She says that they feel like uncomfortable bedsheets. 

I appreciate any advice on how she could choose other options or if anyone has recommendations for tachrichim that you use in your CK.  I don't have a lot of experience or knowledge about this.

Thanks!

Donna

[Patricia Cluss]

Is Nina Rubin on this list? She has patterns for handmade tachrichim. Your person could have a seamstress make one to her specifications.

Alternatively, has she seen (and felt) the linen tachrichim made by the Rose Solomon company? They are much softer than their muslin ones. 

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[Russ Sprinkle]

Hello, Friends: I'm relatively new to Judaism and even newer to Tarhara. I completed my second Tahara a few weeks ago. I'll ask my question first and then provide background:

How do you process your own feelings under each of the following three circumstances:

A. You have no knowledge of the deceased prior to the Tahara.

B. You do not know the deceased well, or even personally, but you knew something about them. 

C. You know the deceased personally. 

Now for the background: 

I completed Tahara 2/2 knowing nothing of the deceased. It was of course a very meaningful service, a privilege, and an honor. My chevra has been wonderful in teaching me. I learned a lot and participated much more than in my first one. I left with all the usual feelings of humility, grace, privilege, duty, community, purpose, sobriety, and many other deep feelings that I struggle to name but that I know you experience as well.

The following evening, 24 hours later, I began to reflect on the specific name of deceased. It was an interesting name and a little unusual, so I decided to Google the person and perhaps learn a little about their life and maybe their experience with Judaism. After all, I had just participated in perhaps one of the most meaningful rituals in all of Judaism with this person. Shouldn't I know a little bit about them? 

Well, I discovered a few things that were a little surprising and maybe even slightly alarming about this person's life. I felt my mind lapsing into unintentional and unconscious judgement, which clashed sharply with the calm, pure feelings I had experienced just one day before during the Tahara. 

I felt an emotional and spiritual conflict--or perhaps I should say "challenge."

Should I not have Googled the person? Why did I do it? What was I expecting? And now, how do I process my feelings? Am I now better able to do this work because I have to wrestle with that tension? Am I a better servant because perhaps I now understand the importance of approaching Tahara without judgement? Or is it better not knowing--and therefore offering my mind nothing that it might latch onto in unconscious judgement? What will be my strategy going forward?

I would love to hear your thoughts/reflections on any similar experience you may have had.

Thank you.

Russ   

[Marcia Kanofsky]

I am so touched and humbled by your sensitivity, curiosity, and insight!

I am far from an expert in Judaism. My response is coming from my background as a psychotherapist and as a human being, with a little spattering of Judaic understanding. 

Tension is part of life. We live with constant choices, some conscious, some unconscious. Curiosity about others is also human. (As a therapist I got paid to be curious (nosy) about people! 

I would not presume to tell you that you should/shouldn’t google a person for whom you performed a Tahara. No one was hurt (except perhaps you.) (I am assuming you did not share the info with anyone on your team). 

In asking yourself if you should investigate someone again, perhaps consider if doing so takes away from your commitment to perform this holy ritual. You DID perform it; if you believe anyone is entitled to receive this spiritual cleansing, then what you learn about them becomes less relevant. If you hadn’t performed a Tahara for this person & learned about their life you would most likely have whatever judgments you had anyway. That’s just human. I think of judaism as a religion of action: we can think whatever we want—it’s our actions that count. 

I have never done a Tahara for someone I know. I HAVE had knowledge of in individual in some circumstances; for me, knowing about the person (good, bad, etc.) does make the Tahara experience a bit more meaningful to me. Having said that, I feel different after every one I do because nothing is ever the same!

 

I hope this helps you come to peace with yourself. Be kind to your humanness. 

Marcia🌷

Sent from my iPhone

818-590-0366

On Mar 16, 2026, at 1:01 PM, Russ Sprinkle <russ.spri...@gmail.com> wrote:

Hello, Friends: I'm relatively new to Judaism and even newer to Tarhara. I completed my second Tahara a few weeks ago. I'll ask my question first and then provide background:

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[Regina Sandler-Phillips]

Dear Russ,

Thanks for reaching out, and welcome to both Judaism and sacred fellowship!

Does your chevra offer post-taharah debriefing (individual and/or group)? I'd encourage you to start there. It may be that your fellow team members are struggling privately with similar feelings and questions. Sharing them can help strengthen the mutual support.

Some relevant pages of our Taharah Manual are 2 and 18, in case they're helpful. In any case, I encourage you to accept *all* of your feelings and thoughts, which are part of our human condition.

In addition to briefing and debriefing, I especially treasure what I've long called our "forgiveness sandwich" of the liturgy before and after taharah.

With deep appreciation and many blessings for each precious day,

Regina

Rabbi Regina L. Sandler-Phillips, MSW, MPH

WAYS OF PEACE Community Resources

[Elizabeth Feldman]

Dear Russ - I want to echo the comments appreciating your thoughtful and sensitive questions, and I agree with all the comments/advice you have received so far. I know you will continue to be a wonderful addition to your chevra!!

As a founding member of our Progressive Chevra Kadisha (PCK) in Chicagoland (a community chevra made up of members of 6 congregations), here's what I can add:

I often find it helpful to know a little bit about the meteh before doing a tahara, so when I'm the rosheh, I have looked people up on Facebook, or relied on one of their fellow congregants who does know them a bit. In 22 years, that has not led to my wishing I had not done so. One time I did learn some information about an adolescent that made an interaction with a family member of theirs very difficult and challenging. But I'm glad I had the information, on behalf of the young person. That was a very unusual circumstance as of course we rarely have any contact directly with the family. That took quite a bit of debriefing among our group afterwards. It was incredibly difficult. 

I also chose to be part of the tahara team for my husband's aunt, and my adult daughter (also a chevra member) was on that same team as well. Many years ago,  I also chose to join a chevra in another city during the tahara for a very dear friend of mine. It was extremely meaningful for me to be able to participate in her tahara, and share her favorite melodies with the team during it. And I was able to debrief with those sweet folks afterwards. Yes, it was so sad, and to this day I have this secret from her sisters and friends whom I know. But I'm so very glad I got to do that final act of kindness for her. On the other hand, I did not want to be at my mom's tahara. I was comforted knowing that our PCK team took loving care of her.

SO - find some other members of your chevra that you can process with. Maybe the rosh of your team that day? Or other experienced members? Reach out, including that I'm happy to hear more and be a sounding board for you if that would be helpful.

My cell is 773-909-3451, so text me if you want to find a time to talk.

Welcome to this wonderful community of chevra kadisha folks!!
Warmly,

Liz

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Liz Feldman, MD (she/her)

Evanston, Illinois

[Russ Sprinkle]

Hello: Just a quick note of thanks for considering my recent CK questions. I appreciate your thoughtful consideration and gracious kindness. Your responses were thought-provoking and very helpful. :-)

Russ

[Elizabeth Feldman]

Just to add that one of our roshas told me she looks up the obituary beforehand so as to know a bit about the metah’s life….

Liz Feldman, MD (she/her)

Evanston, Illinois

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[Maryasha Katz]

The women's team of our Chevra Kadisha we always look up the obituary and reads it aloud to all of the team before we start.  It has felt like a lovely way to get centered and connect to the work.

Maryasha 

Pittsburgh, PA

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