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Dearest Guru Maharaj December 2nd 2019
Please accept my humble obeisances. All glories to Srila Prabhupada!
As the time of your birthday is coming up, I am thinking of you more and more. This morning on my japa walk, I wrote a whole letter to you in my mind. I know it might not be the offenceless chanting as you want me to do, but what can I say, I am not a pure devotee yet - but it is my heart cherished desire, as I know this would please you dearly.
I try to replicate the message that I had in mind this morning, I am not sure if I can still capture the mood. My main thought was how I long to please you and do something tangible for Srila Prabhupada’s mission. I long to offer you and Srila Prabhupada something which you will be happy with, something which will bring a broad smile on your face. By reading Syamasundar Prabhu’s adventures how he chased so many rhinos with Srila Prabhupada, I get so inspired. I am not sure if I have a capacity to do something so phenomenal as he did, but in my infant baby way, I can maybe get at least some nice butterflies for you, or a lizard. They are only super common animals, nothing like rhinoceros, and quite insignificant too, but it seems that is all I can muster for now. I understand that Krishna’s power is unlimited and with His grace a blind man can see again the starts in the sky and the lame man can walk over the mountains. Nothing like that happened to me yet. My offering that I can give to you is the countless regular hours day in and day out that I do my duty in my service with BLS, my sincere help that I try to offer to the pujari department in Radhadesh and whatever other services that fit into my days inbetween. Sometimes I pray that the days have more hours, so that I can do everything that needs to be done. Other times I pray that I can just sleep more.
Since my husband Visnu Muti is in Mayapur right now, chasing a rhino for Srila Prabhupada in the form of Vanipedia, I am absorbed every night these days in the recordings from your kartik yatra in Vrindavan from just a few weeks ago. I do it from a comfort of my home when I get back from the office and while I still do some other household or accounting chores. I am so happy to be able to be there in person and relish the journey you take me on every night. You are like a Pied Piper, who takes the devotees into the beautiful world of real Vrindavan. Your descriptions of the life there, the details of the decorations, the emotions of the citizens of Vrindavan, the beauty of Govardhan, and the amazing pastimes happening with Krishna, of how He saved the cowherd boys and the whole of Vrindavan again and again from different asuras are phenomenal. I feel I am there with you.
I cannot express enough my gratitude to you for leading me on this spiritual path. Even though we meet seldom in person and even that is obstructed by different circumstances, I fully feel and am aware of your mystical powers of you being present in my heart and speaking to my heart and mind from a distance. Today I listened how you spoke about Kaliya. I heard that story so many times before, but every time it brings me some new understandings. You really know how to convey the message to me and when. You speak of anger, envy and arrogance and I can see all these qualities in me too. Maybe the poison in my heart has not been extracted enough yet in order to get the full mercy of you and Krishna, but I pray that one day I also reach the status of being completely purified just like Kaliya was after Krishna danced on his hoods and thus be able to then offer sincere and surrendered prayers to you.
In the meantime, my crumbled words are just a babytalk. I continue to work hard physically as well as spiritually, hoping that by the centrifugal force, my heart can be cleanse and purified of these unwanted anarthas which are still showing their presence there. Please do not give up on me and continue to nourish my devotional creeper by the pristine nectarine instructions that I hear from your every class. Pray for my progress on this path, I know I am a slow learner in these matters, but don’t give up your hope on me.
I remain your fallen aspiring disciple from at the moment foggy, damp, cold and dark Belgium
Laksmipriya dd
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On 22 Dec 2019, at 17:56, miso vukotic <misov...@hotmail.com> wrote:
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