The Spider Man Is Having [Larry] Lamb For Dinner Tonight
The Laughing Gnome
I usually avoid programmes like this because docurealities [new word,
copyright C Barker] often annoy me because of their exploitational
format. However, I approve of the politics which opposes traditional
governmental policies about the jobless; chiefly, that the gullible
public believe the Murdochian media spin that the poor bastards who
live in poverty deserve it. Having worked in a Job Centre and
Unemployment Benefit Office, I know this to be - and do forgive my
reference to professional jargon - utter bollocks.
I found the programme strangely compelling not least because of The
Cure and Radiohead soundtrack. In fact I'd happily pay double licence
fee if Thom Yorke and Robert Smith presented the show, treble if they
featured in it as undercover jobseekers.
Larry Lamb would make a superb gangster. He shouldn't be hustling for
a job, he should be demanding protection money "with menaces" from the
local businesses.
I do hope those rich Tory toffs like David Cameron watch shows like
this, and then follow through with root and branch reform of our
approach to poverty and unemployment when they win the next election
rather than abandon the millions of proud Brit proles who will elect
them into high office.
PennyB
wrote:
> FAMOUS, RICH & JOBLESS
> I usually avoid programmes like this because...
...you're not famous and rich?
xx
Penny Black
The Laughing Gnome
Ha ha!
Rarieties like you should be STAMPed out.
Love and rockets.
[Mostly rockets.]
Mike Plowman
<nutter.nutterc...@gmail.com> wrote:
>On Tue, 9 Mar 2010 15:29:09 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>Laughing Gnome <haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>
>>FAMOUS, RICH & JOBLESS
>>I usually avoid programmes like this because docurealities [new word,
>>copyright C Barker]
>
>Results 1 - 10 of about 66,600 for docureality. (0.30 seconds)
>http://www.google.com/#hl=en&source=hp&q=docureality&aq=f&aqi=g-s1&aql=&oq=&fp=6bf6d08d5b9d7642
>
Yeah, well we all know that what Barker knows about copyright would
fit on the head of a pin, hence his last flounce.
Sofa - Spud
> FAMOUS, RICH & JOBLESS
One out of three barker, and it doesn't start with F or R.
> I usually avoid programmes
Thats right beacuse you post here just for the trouble - I thought you
were leaving beacuse you **crave more intellectual succour** ? You were
finding that at the Bowie forums for $69.
http://groups.google.co.uk/group/uk.media.tv.misc/msg/2f336c96cc716c08?hl=en
How did that work out then? Wouldn't selma give you the money?
like this because docurealities [new word,
> copyright C Barker]
You? Copyright? didn't you have you lose your Waitrose ISP account (LOL)
because of the use of copyrighted material you had no right to publish?
often annoy me because of their exploitational
> format. However, I approve of the politics which opposes traditional
> governmental policies about the jobless; chiefly, that the gullible
> public believe the Murdochian media spin that the poor bastards who
> live in poverty deserve it. Having worked in a Job Centre and
> Unemployment Benefit Office, I know this to be - and do forgive my
> reference to professional jargon - utter bollocks.
Utter bollocks from you again barker - puffed up back office paper
shuffler sacked for not taking a psychological test after inappropriate
behaviour doesn't make you an expert on the unemployed.
>
> I found the programme strangely compelling not least because of The
> Cure and Radiohead soundtrack. In fact I'd happily pay double licence
> fee if Thom Yorke and Robert Smith presented the show, treble if they
> featured in it as undercover jobseekers.
A Cure reference - how is the Cure forum? A real hotbed of intellectual
vigour? or closed down?
So why are you back here? to cause trouble? to rattle cages? your words
not mine.
Bowie forum - too expensive?
Cure forum - closed as most of the poster have topped themselves
Mauseleum club - you used to trumpet on about that as a more
intellectual place where so called bad behaviour wasn't tolerated. You
got banned after repeated warnings about not posting explicit details of
gay sex
Ligotti Forum - Banned after a hilarious two month descent into madness
culminating in posting of pictures of nude children. BTW you trumpted
this as a liberal forum where they all liked you and knew *all* about
the malcontents.
various usenet groups about ghost stories and writing - you casued that
much trouble ranting and raving they all buggered off and began new
private groups. You were ranting about Ramsey Campbell and Jon Pelan
last week - in 2002 you were ranting about them , they are still going ,
more popular, better regarded and certainly richer than you - what was
it now , *a one trick pony* - will ever be.
So to recap - why are you here barker? no where else to go?
The Laughing Gnome
> The Laughing Gnome wrote:
> > FAMOUS, RICH & JOBLESS
>
> One out of three barker, and it doesn't start with F or R.
>
> > I usually avoid programmes
>
> Thats right beacuse you post here just for the trouble - I thought you
> were leaving beacuse you **crave more intellectual succour** ? You were
> finding that at the Bowie forums for $69.
>
[CB shakes his head with wry amusement.]
Looks like you lot have been taking turns to guzzle on John Pelan's
unmentionable.
The man is a broken, bitter fool - perfect company for you lot then:
Unlike your spurious claims about me, it can be proven that he's had
an ISP account terminated for lying (their lawyer went on record
stating this to be true), that he has had not one but two Ebay
accounts terminated because of fraudulent behaviour (jpelan and
darknemoblackcat), and that he has been chased across the internet by
swindled writers, customers and fellow professionals (as the posts in
many forums validate).
If one judges a person by the company he keeps, you lot make perfect
bedfellows. It's a bit of an ugly incestuous gayfest love-in, but
whatever makes you happy in these recession-hit days (I am right in
saying that the area you live has been hit harder by the recession
that most, with double the national average of business foreclosures,
unemployment etc - clearly you and fellow loser Pelan have a LOT in
common).
As to why I returned to post on one single subject, well, perhaps it
was to wind you up.
Looks like I've succeeded. But you suck seed in your own way too,
don't you?
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:25:47 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >Unlike your spurious claims about me, it can be proven that he's had
> >an ISP account terminated for lying (their lawyer went on record
> >stating this to be true), that he has had not one but two Ebay
> >accounts terminated because of fraudulent behaviour (jpelan and
> >darknemoblackcat), and that he has been chased across the internet by
> >swindled writers, customers and fellow professionals (as the posts in
> >many forums validate).
>
> projecting to cover the fact that the one with the dirty little secret
> is you.
"....Midnight House, a press that seems to be at least partly
subsidized by John Pelan's longtime habit of not paying writers for
the mass market anthologies he edits. And Pelan has just plain gotten
a pass on that shit for years. ..."
http://shocklinesforum.yuku.com/reply/95749/t/Small-Press-Authors-Beware.html#reply-95749
http://feedback.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedback2&userid=jpelan&ftab=AllFeedback
michael adams
"The Laughing Gnome" <haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:b4b3db71-5671-42fa...@g4g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
> On 10 Mar, 17:22, Nutter Cracker
> <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > On Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:25:47 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
> >
> > Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > >Unlike your spurious claims about me, it can be proven that he's had
> > >an ISP account terminated for lying (their lawyer went on record
> > >stating this to be true), that he has had not one but two Ebay
> > >accounts terminated because of fraudulent behaviour (jpelan and
> > >darknemoblackcat), and that he has been chased across the internet by
> > >swindled writers, customers and fellow professionals (as the posts in
> > >many forums validate).
> >
> > If you could prove it, you would. You're full of shit, and constantly
> > projecting to cover the fact that the one with the dirty little secret
> > is you.
>
> "....Midnight House, a press that seems to be at least partly
> subsidized by John Pelan's longtime habit of not paying writers for
> the mass market anthologies he edits. And Pelan has just plain gotten
> a pass on that shit for years. ..."
>
>
> http://feedback.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedbackmorespourgrapes=AllFeedback
Barker, John Pelan could be shown strangling kittens on YouTube,
and he'd still end up more popular than you .
michael adams
...
The Laughing Gnome
> "The Laughing Gnome" <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote in messagenews:b4b3db71-5671-42fa...@g4g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
>
>
> > On 10 Mar, 17:22, Nutter Cracker
> > <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> > > On Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:25:47 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> > > Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> > > >Unlike your spurious claims about me, it can be proven that he's had
> > > >an ISP account terminated for lying (their lawyer went on record
> > > >stating this to be true), that he has had not one but two Ebay
> > > >accounts terminated because of fraudulent behaviour (jpelan and
> > > >darknemoblackcat), and that he has been chased across the internet by
> > > >swindled writers, customers and fellow professionals (as the posts in
> > > >many forums validate).
>
> > > If you could prove it, you would. You're full of shit, and constantly
> > > projecting to cover the fact that the one with the dirty little secret
> > > is you.
>
> > "....Midnight House, a press that seems to be at least partly
> > subsidized by John Pelan's longtime habit of not paying writers for
> > the mass market anthologies he edits. And Pelan has just plain gotten
> > a pass on that shit for years. ..."
>
>
> >http://feedback.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedbackmorespourgrap...
>
> Barker, John Pelan could be shown strangling kittens on YouTube,
> and he'd still end up more popular than you .
>
> michael adams
>
>
> - Show quoted text -
Popularirty isn't the issue. I was challenged to cite evidence to back
up my claims and I produced it. If Alan Hope wants to sulk and pretend
to ignore it then it's only to be expected in one so dishonorable.
Besides, who really cares about being popular with a bunch of sad
malcontents like you lot?
John Pelan
wrote:
> Popularirty isn't the issue. I was challenged to cite evidence to back
> up my claims and I produced it. If Alan Hope wants to sulk and pretend
> to ignore it then it's only to be expected in one so dishonorable.
>
> Besides, who really cares about being popular with a bunch of sad
> malcontents like you lot?- Hide quoted text -
>
> - Show quoted text -
You read it on the Internet so it must be true!
What a pathetic little man you are. I see that your book isn't out yet
and only two weeks until the convention... Is it possible that the
lack of pre-orders has caused Dan to drop you like a lead balloon?
Oh well, you can console yourself by picking up a copy of
"Conversations with the Weird Tales Circle", which I co-edited or
placing orders for any of the six books I've just had out from Dancing
Tuatara Press, or perhaps you might enjoy the Frank Belknap Long
retrospective that I edited (available for pre-order), or perhaps my
short-story collection (due in May).
And what have you been doing the last six months? Posting naughty
pictures of little boys and getting booted out of various forums (or
"fora" as you seem to prefer).
JCWW
Toodles,
John
Sofa - Spud
What a disgusting pervert you are barker - you are aware that the more
you write like this the more you look like a right dirty minded pervert
- well that and getting booted off two forums ( or fora as you put it)
for posting pictures of nude kids and explicit descriptions of gay sex.
>
> The man is a broken, bitter fool
Broken? don't make me laugh - he's far more successful than you are, is
better regarded and is a better businessman.
There is only one bitter fool here - called chris barker.
Banned from god knows how many forums - all ones he trumpeted as *more
liberal and respecting of him than UMTM*
Whining about people not giving you awards on usesnet since 2002 - does
it get worse?
What about it barker? nearly 10 yrs of being the biggest tosser on
Usenet, banned from forums - why didn't they fall at your feet? yopu
being such a sparkling intellectual? don't tell us - they are all
*malcontents*
Now you'll say you are here to *put it about* whereas everyone knows you
are a sad sack who seems to think everyone should fall at your feet as
some kind of expert on everything.
I'll be expecting the usual changing of the title of the thread -
perhaps a blokey football post, a Laughing Gonad review of Wicker man or
somesuch, then the whiney flounce.
Sofa - Spud
Indeed, they still keep coming back for more when it comes to Jon Pelans
customers. Funny how barkers book hasn't even made it to the press yet -
and there he was saying how he'd come back here to *taunt* us with the
reviews.
http://groups.google.co.uk/group/uk.media.tv.misc/msg/41cfa77507148329?hl=en
*****I'll be sure to pop back to post links to any reviews my book
receives ******
Over 6 months late in arriving - couldn't even muster 200 pre orders ,
having alienated the only few people even remotely bothered with the
crap he writes. Nothing like pissing on your own chips - only Ligotti
forums ever showed the slightest interest.
How on earth he explained that at home I'll never know!
Sofa - Spud
> On Mar 10, 2:04 pm, The Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
>
>> Popularirty isn't the issue. I was challenged to cite evidence to back
>> up my claims and I produced it. If Alan Hope wants to sulk and pretend
>> to ignore it then it's only to be expected in one so dishonorable.
>>
>> Besides, who really cares about being popular with a bunch of sad
>> malcontents like you lot?- Hide quoted text -
>>
>> - Show quoted text -
>
> You read it on the Internet so it must be true!
>
> What a pathetic little man you are. I see that your book isn't out yet
> and only two weeks until the convention... Is it possible that the
> lack of pre-orders has caused Dan to drop you like a lead balloon?
Is there anyone in the ghost story world who doesn't know barker? who on
earth did he think would buy such a book? if he'd done enough creeping
on Ligotti he'd have got a few but he couldn't keep up the nice bloke
image for more than a month and melted down as normal.
>
> Oh well, you can console yourself by picking up a copy of
> "Conversations with the Weird Tales Circle", which I co-edited or
> placing orders for any of the six books I've just had out from Dancing
> Tuatara Press, or perhaps you might enjoy the Frank Belknap Long
> retrospective that I edited (available for pre-order), or perhaps my
> short-story collection (due in May).
>
> And what have you been doing the last six months? Posting naughty
> pictures of little boys and getting booted out of various forums (or
> "fora" as you seem to prefer).
>
> JCWW
>
>
LOL *fora*
Lesmond
Wait...Sean Wright is John Pelan?
--
If there's a nuclear winter, at least it'll snow.
John Pelan
> >news:b4b3db71-5671-42fa...@g4g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
> >> On 10 Mar, 17:22, Nutter Cracker
> >> <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >>> On Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:25:47 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> >>> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >>>> Unlike your spurious claims about me, it can be proven that he's had
> >>>> an ISP account terminated for lying (their lawyer went on record
> >>>> stating this to be true), that he has had not one but two Ebay
> >>>> accounts terminated because of fraudulent behaviour (jpelan and
> >>>> darknemoblackcat), and that he has been chased across the internet by
> >>>> swindled writers, customers and fellow professionals (as the posts in
> >>>> many forums validate).
> >>> If you could prove it, you would. You're full of shit, and constantly
> >>> projecting to cover the fact that the one with the dirty little secret
> >>> is you.
> >> "....Midnight House, a press that seems to be at least partly
> >> subsidized by John Pelan's longtime habit of not paying writers for
> >> the mass market anthologies he edits. And Pelan has just plain gotten
> >> a pass on that shit for years. ..."
>
>
> >>http://feedback.ebay.co.uk/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewFeedbackmorespourgrap...
>
> > Barker, John Pelan could be shown strangling kittens on YouTube,
> > and he'd still end up more popular than you .
>
> Indeed, they still keep coming back for more when it comes to Jon Pelans
> customers. Funny how barkers book hasn't even made it to the press yet -
> and there he was saying how he'd come back here to *taunt* us with the
> reviews.
>
>
> *****I'll be sure to pop back to post links to any reviews my book
> receives ******
>
> Over 6 months late in arriving - couldn't even muster 200 pre orders ,
> having alienated the only few people even remotely bothered with the
> crap he writes. Nothing like pissing on your own chips - only Ligotti
> forums ever showed the slightest interest.
>
>
> - Show quoted text -
For the micro-presses like On Accident Press, one needs to be
publishing authors that are a sure draw due to the expense of the
books. Of course, we all know Barmy couldn't draw flies with two
handfuls of shit.
Cheers,
John
Mike Plowman
Mike Plowman
Oh my lord. The foreword alone will hae you pissing yourself.
Namedropping plus asking that the title shouldn't be nominated for any
awards so that when it doesn'tr, which it obviously won't because he's
such a terrible writers, he can say that it's only because he asked
for it not to be.
Hilarious!!!
Mike Plowman
LOL, a Bowie reference and the word malcontents in the first
paragephs. You couldn't make it up!
yaffle53
> Oh my lord. The foreword alone will hae you pissing yourself.
> Namedropping
"Half acquaintance, half friend". So, an acquintriend maybe? A
acfriendance possibly? You know, kind of like a "vannibal" is part
vampire, part cannibal. Why not "cannipire" though?
Cheers
Jeff
Sofa - Spud
I'd laugh were it not so utterly pathetic, in the website blurb it says
barker dislikes pretentious posturing but the first pages of the tedious
tales are just that :-
**NB. The author specifically requests that in the unlikely event that
this book receives any favourable reviews that it is not nominated for
any genre award. ***
NOBODY was ever going to nominate barker, never in a million years - he
won't even send potential judges copies of the bloody waste of paper.
It's hard to imagine anyone would want to read what is in fact the
delirious ramblings of a disturbed mentally ill man - which is what this
lot is , he reckons it all from nightmares he has then wakes up and
writes them out. He only has to get order for 200 as greenshirt dan will
give him the other 50 to hawk on ebay .
Ten years work and thats it!
michael adams
"Mike Plowman" <plowma...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
news:1227f14f-4391-4577...@b30g2000yqd.googlegroups.com...
>
> http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>
> Enjoy. :-)
First story, first paragraph
" It's always embarrassing when you have to intrude upon the private
life of a work colleague. You both sense that things are going to change
and that you can never hope to be proper friends again. "
Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose, as they say.
And presumably the reason Barker was fired from the JobCentre
michael adams
...
Mike Plowman
> "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>
> news:1227f14f-4391-4577...@b30g2000yqd.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> >http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>
> > Enjoy. :-)
>
> First story, first paragraph
>
> " It's always embarrassing when you have to intrude upon the private
> life of a work colleague. You both sense that things are going to change
> and that you can never hope to be proper friends again. "
>
You do realise he will now sue you for copyright infringement and you
will die penniless in the gutter? :-)
Sofa - Spud
Dreadful stuff - this made me laugh,
**For various reasons – and not least because I think many writers
simply produce variations of their first works in subsequent volumes –
it is highly unlikely that I will produce a second collection of short
stories.**
So thats told all the writers who manage to produce several volumes of
different short stories - barker uses up all his bowie/nick
drake/glastonbury/autism/weird author references in one go and he's
washed up.
Taken ten years as well - some of the stories are just a few pages long.
All that whining on here , all the wittering on for this?
And then there is the picture - for christs sake it makes him look like
the village idiot.
Sofa - Spud
never a truer word written.
Sofa - Spud
He should be paying us to advertise it!
michael adams
...
What with it being a PDF I had to do a screen capture for his photo -
http://i44.tinypic.com/20r3brd.jpg
michael adams
...
Sofa - Spud
Oh thanks a bunch - now my retinas hurt!
yaffle53
> > What with it being a PDF I had to do a screen capture for his photo -
>
> >http://i44.tinypic.com/20r3brd.jpg
>
> Oh thanks a bunch - now my retinas hurt!
From laughing too much?
Cheers
Jeff
Mike Plowman
> "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>
> news:e08b7bf7-541f-4b65...@t20g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > On 11 Mar, 09:18, "michael adams" <mjadam...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
> > > "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>
> > >news:1227f14f-4391-4577...@b30g2000yqd.googlegroups.com...
>
> > > >http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>
> > > > Enjoy. :-)
>
> > > First story, first paragraph
>
> > > " It's always embarrassing when you have to intrude upon the private
> > > life of a work colleague. You both sense that things are going to change
> > > and that you can never hope to be proper friends again. "
>
> > You do realise he will now sue you for copyright infringement and you
> > will die penniless in the gutter? :-)
>
> ...
>
> What with it being a PDF I had to do a screen capture for his photo -
>
> http://i44.tinypic.com/20r3brd.jpg
>
> michael adams
>
> ...
Hats off to the guy who photoshopped it though, to make it look like
he was allowed in places where other people gather.
michael adams
<quote>
FOREWORD
These stories were written over a ten year period and have been rather
obsessively revised. Most were based upon disturbing nightmares and
then hastily committed to paper lest the inspiration evaporate, usually
in a single all-night session. In subsequently working them up into the
stories now placed before you I have deliberately sought to vary both
style and format, partly by way of experimentation,
and partly to reduce any boredom the reader might feel."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Š Barmy Productions 2010 prop. C.Barker Esq.
</quote>
Clueless just isn't the word for this, is it ?
To repeat - "to reduce any boredom the reader might feel"
In the very 1st paragraph !
michael adams
...
Sofa - Spud
>
>
> </quote>
>
>
> Clueless just isn't the word for this, is it ?
>
> To repeat - "to reduce any boredom the reader might feel"
>
> In the very 1st paragraph !
>
>
>
It's as though he has a failure button - and it's either stuck or taped
in the *on* position.
What would make *anyone* spend $40 on a book even the author can't be
bothered with?If he'd kept his head down on Ligotti he might have got a
few sympathy sales - he's got to sell the remainder on ebay to get
anything back.
The Laughing Gnome
You don't really merit any attention so I'll make this quick and will
not waste any further time responding to your obscene rants.
Some interesting facts about John Pelan:
* He is clinically obese and requires a walking stick / set of
crutches to get around.
* He has a penchant for homo-erotic wrestling (as per individuals who
have seen him exhibit magazines on the subject at book fairs)
* Three or four years ago he claimed to have sold the rights to a
movie company for one of his short stories for a five figure sum but
was unable (!) to provide any actual details because of an imminent
press release; needless to say, the press release never materialised
and nor has the movie.
* He was a Trustee at the Horror Writers Association of American until
asked to step down because his business affairs were causing
embarrassment to the society.
* A few years ago he lost his job through an inability to meet sales
targets; he confided in friends that things were very tough.
* The resultant downturn in Pelan's fortunes resulted in his having to
move from Seattle to New Mexico. Again, he confided to friends that he
hated having to leave Seattle.
* Pelan held down a job with MRI Sandias for two years before being
sacked for similar reasons i.e. a failure to meet sales targets
(although of course his employer may have got wind of Pelan's
spiralling reputation as an online fraudster).
* Pelan moved to a smaller house to try and pay off his debts.
* After claiming to be a shareholder in his ISP's company, the legal
counsel for said ISP branded Pelan a liar and terminated his account.
* Printers began to refuse to have dealings with Pelan after he failed
to pay them for goods received.
* Customers began to complain about not receiving books they had paid
for and some writers went on record as saying that they had never
received payment for anthologies that Pelan had edited.
* As a result, Pelan has been chased across the internet for refunds
and has had two Ebay accounts terminated.
* Darkside Press and Midnight House (Pelan's publishing arm) were
subsequently rated as unreliable 'high risk' businesses by American-
based watchdogs. They warned against having any dealings with the
man.
* Pelan's website was closed down; he has since returned with a new
one, a ghastly amateur affair which is little more than a front for
his duplicitous trading activities.
* Pelan claimed five years ago that his new collection of short
stories was about to be published; it has yet to appear.
* Pelan claims to own a large valuable book collection, but this sits
at odds with his inability to pay his debts, or the meagre offerings
he is touting on his new website.
* Pelan is quietly despised by several reasonably well known writers
for having sold private letters they sent him with asking for
permission or sharing the proceeds. His typical modus operandi is to
publish a book then sell off proof or draft copies with letters from
his unpaid contributors for four figure sums.
* Pelan has paid no tax on these ventures and no accounts for Darkside
Press have ever been formally been filed.
* Pelan has no money to leave his wife's children because he blew the
lot on a cocaine habit (a habit he has publicly admitted to).
I think that's pretty much everything. Well, everything in the public
domain. I've little doubt that he has more secrets hidden in real
life.
michael adams
"Sofa - Spud" <comfy...@hotmail.co.uk> wrote in message
news:hnah8e$7f8$1...@news.eternal-september.org...
Ooops!
I've just noticed that on the Copyrights Page -
<quote>
TENEBROUS TALES
First published by Ex Occidente Press in April MMX
Stories & Forward © Christopher Barker, MMX
Introduction © Reggie Oliver, MMX
Frontispiece artwork by Kerry Buck, At the Bottom of the Pass, MMX
</quote>
he doesn't acknowledge the copyright of David Bowie in the attributed
lyric at the start of Chapter One, (assuming it's the only one) or
mention any permissions sought or granted.
<quote>
"The Children of the summer's end
Gathered in the dampened grass.
We played our songs and felt the London sky
Resting on our hands.
It was God's land.
It was ragged and naïve
It was Heaven."
David Bowie, 'Memory Of A Free Festival', 1969
<quote>
I'm no expert - maybe Bowie put this into the public domain, at some point ?
Maybe someone might like to email Mr Bowie to find out ?
michael adams
....
John Pelan
>
> - Show quoted text -
http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/03/captions03211.jpg
Cheers,
John
John Pelan
> simply produce variations of their first works in subsequent volumes �
> it is highly unlikely that I will produce a second collection of short
> stories.**
>
> So thats told all the writers who manage to produce several volumes of
> different short stories - barker uses up all his bowie/nick
> drake/glastonbury/autism/weird author references in one go and he's
> washed up.
>
> Taken ten years as well - some of the stories are just a few pages long.
> All that whining on here , all the wittering on for this?
>
> And then there is the picture - for christs sake it makes him look like
>
> - Show quoted text -
"look like"?
Cheers,
John
osc
>
> http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>
> Enjoy. :-)
Just read the first page and I could feel it drawing the life essence
from the English language. He even managed:
"Machiavellian malcontents"
Just as I thought. His "prose" reads the same as his usenet posts.
John Pelan
wrote:
> On 10 Mar, 21:31, John Pelan <jpe...@cnw.com> wrote:
>
>
>
>
>
> You don't really merit any attention so I'll make this quick and will
> not waste any further time responding to your obscene rants.
>
> Some interesting facts about John Pelan:
>
> * He is clinically obese and requires a walking stick / set of
> crutches to get around.
No, actually I'm down to 230 lbs. and my sciatica has gone away,
haven't required the cane since October. BTW: How's the syphilis?
> * He has a penchant for homo-erotic wrestling (as per individuals who
> have seen him exhibit magazines on the subject at book fairs)
Yes, I'm certainly a wrestling fan, however, I have never sold any
magazines of any kind at bookfairs save for the odd issue of Weird
Tales.
> * Three or four years ago he claimed to have sold the rights to a
> movie company for one of his short stories for a five figure sum but
> was unable (!) to provide any actual details because of an imminent
> press release; needless to say, the press release never materialised
> and nor has the movie.
You mean this one? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU_YEZ0LjRQ
Math isn't your strong suit is it? The trailer was made in 2007. Yes,
there have been some delays, but that's Hollywood.
> * He was a Trustee at the Horror Writers Association of American until
> asked to step down because his business affairs were causing
> embarrassment to the society.
Completely untrue. I figured over a decade of service was enough and
resigned.
> * A few years ago he lost his job through an inability to meet sales
> targets; he confided in friends that things were very tough.
You've been asked to post proof of this and you're are still unable to
do so. One might even think that you are a liar.
> * The resultant downturn in Pelan's fortunes resulted in his having to
> move from Seattle to New Mexico. Again, he confided to friends that he
> hated having to leave Seattle.
No, we rather enjoy New Mexico. As I mentioned before, we were able to
get a much larger home for less than we were paying in Seattle. The
dart league here is also much larger, so it's all good. I will admit
to missing our many friends in the Northwest, but that's a concept
that you're likely unfamiliar with.
> * Pelan held down a job with MRI Sandias for two years before being
> sacked for similar reasons i.e. a failure to meet sales targets
> (although of course his employer may have got wind of Pelan's
> spiralling reputation as an online fraudster).
Utter and complete bullshit. I was in the top 10% in the world in my
specialty. I've since gone into private practice and things are going
quite well. I'm quite fond of notting having to split fees with anyone
else.
> * Pelan moved to a smaller house to try and pay off his debts.
No, larger house.
> * After claiming to be a shareholder in his ISP's company, the legal
> counsel for said ISP branded Pelan a liar and terminated his account.
Are you still harping on this complete fabricaation?
> * Printers began to refuse to have dealings with Pelan after he failed
> to pay them for goods received.
No, I have several printers that we utilize based on a bid system. I
realize that your only experience with printers is through vanity
press and they tend to be rigid about their fees as they know that
they are dealing with desperate failures.
> * Customers began to complain about not receiving books they had paid
> for and some writers went on record as saying that they had never
> received payment for anthologies that Pelan had edited.
> * As a result, Pelan has been chased across the internet for refunds
> and has had two Ebay accounts terminated.
Nonsense.
> * Darkside Press and Midnight House (Pelan's publishing arm) were
> subsequently rated as unreliable 'high risk' businesses by American-
> based watchdogs. They warned against having any dealings with the
> man.
Nonsense.
> * Pelan's website was closed down; he has since returned with a new
> one, a ghastly amateur affair which is little more than a front for
> his duplicitous trading activities.
Come, come you're usually so good about posting the URL. Must I do
everything myself? www.darkmidhouse.com
> * Pelan claimed five years ago that his new collection of short
> stories was about to be published; it has yet to appear.
In production right now. Here, you may enjoy the blurbs:
"JOHN PELAN IS AMONG OUR MOST DISTINGUISHED KEEPERS OF THE FLAME. HIS
RICHLY VARIED WORK EPITOMIZES EVERYTHING THAT BROUGHT US ALL INTO THE
GENRES IN THE FIRST PLACE. IN HIS OEUVRE WE FIND FEARLESS
IMAGINATION, HALLUCINATORY VISION, AND A MARVELLOUSLY VARIED PALLETTE
OF VERBAL TROPES THAT PUTS THE ESSENTIAL MUSIC IN THE MADNESS, THAT
LILT THAT LIFTS US UP INTO HIS VISION.
MR. NIGHTMARE STRIKES AGAIN!"
- MICHAEL SHEA (Multiple World Fantasy Award Winner)
And...
"Renowned author and editor John Pelan relishes the macabre and the
transgressive. Darkness, My Old Friend is a gripping foray into the
shadowy frontier of mysticism and dread. An assured storyteller, Pelan
knows how to make you squirm like a worm on the hook." --Laird Barron,
author of The Imago Sequence & Other Stories
> * Pelan claims to own a large valuable book collection, but this sits
> at odds with his inability to pay his debts, or the meagre offerings
> he is touting on his new website.
Perhaps I don't wish to sell high points from the collection?
> * Pelan is quietly despised by several reasonably well known writers
> for having sold private letters they sent him with asking for
> permission or sharing the proceeds. His typical modus operandi is to
> publish a book then sell off proof or draft copies with letters from
> his unpaid contributors for four figure sums.
I'm afraid I don't speak gibberish. What exactly are you trying to
say?
> * Pelan has paid no tax on these ventures and no accounts for Darkside
> Press have ever been formally been filed.
Nonsense. I pay more in taxes than you make in a year, you dole-
scrounging twat.
> * Pelan has no money to leave his wife's children because he blew the
> lot on a cocaine habit (a habit he has publicly admitted to).
The last time I did coke you were still shitting yourself. I don't
know how much cash we'll be leaving, but there's also 162 acres of
land that the mining companies are quite interested in. (Lots of
silver, coal, and other goodies here in New Mexico, don't you know.)
> I think that's pretty much everything. Well, everything in the public
> domain. I've little doubt that he has more secrets hidden in real
> life.
Nope, pretty much an open book, I'm afraid that you're projecting
again.
Let's see now ten years at it and you still haven't made a sale.
That's quite the track record! Not to rub your hideous face in it, but
lets just examine what I've done while you've been spewing venom on
usenet. In the interest of keeping things short, I'll not count the
two-dozen or so books that I've published or the several introductions
that I've done pro-bono for friends; I'll just list professional
sales:
Penguin/ROC (5)
Del Rey Books (2)
Cemetery Dance (4)
Ash Tree Press (4)
Ramble House (6) (Actually have sold more, but only six published thus
far)
Necro Publications (2)
Sideshow Press (1)
Overlook Connection Press (1)
Centipede Press (3) (With a good many more to come)
I'm sure I'm leaving something out... I was going to list the short
stories and essays, but I really don't have the time or inclination to
do so.
Now run along and get back to looking at naughty pictures or whatever
it is that you do when Selma's picking cabbages.
Cheerio!
John
The Laughing Gnome
>
> </quote>
>
> Clueless just isn't the word for this, is it ?
>
> To repeat - "to reduce any boredom the reader might feel"
>
> In the very 1st paragraph !
>
> michael adams
>
>
> - Show quoted text -
Oh dear, Michael. You have already infringed copyright by quoting a
section of the introduction which exceeds the 'fair usage' quota
allowed in such cases. I shall be writing to your ISP.
Let me make this crystal clear to you and anyone else: if anybody
uploads the text of my book onto the internet, I will take legal
action against them. I will retain a legal professional who
specialises in copyright infringement to obtain the identity of the
individual(s) concerned from their IP trail, and I will seek maximum
redress through the courts.
I know people who specialise in copyright law. This isn't an idle
threat, it is a warning of intent. The inidividual(s) concerned will
be sued for damages & costs and they will be publicly exposed for
their actions. As I am currently in discussion with a third party
publisher about their producing a paperback version of my book this is
a very serious issue and will have comensurate financial implications
for those who seek to break the law.
By all means attempt to critique my work within the boundaries of the
law, but infringe my copyright at your peril.
Christopher Barker
The Laughing Gnome
> On Mar 11, 3:47 am, The Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com>
> wrote:
>
> > On 10 Mar, 21:31, John Pelan <jpe...@cnw.com> wrote:
>
> > You don't really merit any attention so I'll make this quick and will
> > not waste any further time responding to your obscene rants.
>
> > Some interesting facts about John Pelan:
>
> > * He is clinically obese and requires a walking stick / set of
> > crutches to get around.
>
> No, actually I'm down to 230 lbs. and my sciatica has gone away,
> haven't required the cane since October. BTW: How's the syphilis?
>
> > * He has a penchant for homo-erotic wrestling (as per individuals who
> > have seen him exhibit magazines on the subject at book fairs)
>
> Yes, I'm certainly a wrestling fan, however, I have never sold any
> magazines of any kind at bookfairs save for the odd issue of Weird
> Tales.
>
> > * Three or four years ago he claimed to have sold the rights to a
> > movie company for one of his short stories for a five figure sum but
> > was unable (!) to provide any actual details because of an imminent
> > press release; needless to say, the press release never materialised
> > and nor has the movie.
>
Oh, so you're now claiming to be one of the world's leading
recruitment specialists, the proud owner of a valuable book collection
and a new large house, to say nothing of owning 162 acres of valuable
New Mexico real estate?
This is at odds with what you said here:
http://www.hyraxia.com/the-newspaper/articles/166-an-interview-with-john-pelan.html
"We've had a disastrous year and a half financially. Both Kathy and I
experienced major health problems and neither of us have insurance, so
we're pretty much wiped out......At this point it's a matter of saving
up the money to get two or more titles into production......So, like I
said we're being very careful... Should nothing else develop, my no-
compete with my previous employer expires in a few months and then
cash-flow shouldn't be much of an issue."
John Pelan, Oct 2009.
You can't stop lying, can you?
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 05:35:47 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >Oh dear, Michael. You have already infringed copyright by quoting a
> >section of the introduction which exceeds the 'fair usage' quota
> >allowed in such cases. I shall be writing to your ISP.
>
> preferably the law applying in England.
>
> >Let me make this crystal clear to you and anyone else: if anybody
> >uploads the text of my book onto the internet, I will take legal
> >action against them.
>
>
> >I will retain a legal professional who
> >specialises in copyright infringement to obtain the identity of the
> >individual(s) concerned from their IP trail, and I will seek maximum
> >redress through the courts.
>
> have lost income from something no-one in his right mind would ever
> buy.
>
> Do you really think there's no way to post a text on the net without
> leaving an "IP trail"? How naive of you. Why wouldn't anyone just post
> the whole document to a file hosting site? No sign-up, no login, no
> questions asked. They certainly wouldn't be inclined to reveal
> anything to some poxy little Norfolk solicitor you met down the pub.
>
> >I know people who specialise in copyright law.
>
>
> >This isn't an idle
> >threat, it is a warning of intent.
>
>
> >The inidividual(s) concerned will
> >be sued for damages & costs and they will be publicly exposed for
> >their actions.
>
>
> >As I am currently in discussion with a third party
> >publisher about their producing a paperback version of my book this is
> >a very serious issue and will have comensurate financial implications
> >for those who seek to break the law.
>
>
> >By all means attempt to critique my work within the boundaries of the
> >law, but infringe my copyright at your peril.
>
Hello, Alan Hope of Flanders Today.
You need to up your medication or else you'll start to cause more
problems for your long-suffering boss, Derek Blyth.
PS. You really don't care about embarrassing your family or
colleagues, do you?
Mike Plowman
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:21:19 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc Mike
>
>
>
> Plowman <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote:
> >On 11 Mar, 08:18, Mike Plowman <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote:
> >> On 11 Mar, 02:52, John Pelan <jpe...@cnw.com> wrote:
>
> >> > On Mar 10, 3:40 pm, Sofa - Spud <comfyso...@hotmail.co.uk> wrote:
>
> >> > > michael adams wrote:
> >> > > > "The Laughing Gnome" <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
> >> > > >news:b4b3db71-5671-42fa...@g4g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
> >> > > >> <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >> > > >>> On Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:25:47 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> >> > > - Show quoted text -
>
> >> > publishing authors that are a sure draw due to the expense of the
> >> > books. Of course, we all know Barmy couldn't draw flies with two
> >> > handfuls of shit.
>
> >> > Cheers,
>
> >> > John
>
> >>http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>
> >> Enjoy. :-)
>
> >Namedropping plus asking that the title shouldn't be nominated for any
> >awards so that when it doesn'tr, which it obviously won't because he's
> >such a terrible writers, he can say that it's only because he asked
> >for it not to be.
>
> >Hilarious!!!
>
>
> Does nobody at Oops Accidenta Press know the difference between
> "foreword" and "forward"? That's what happens, I suppose, when you get
> foreigners to publish illiterates.
LOL. A howling error before it even gets to the contents page!!
Fucking superb Barker, just fucking superb!!! That extra 8 months
proofing was well spent!!
The Laughing Gnome
>
> - Show quoted text -
You're like a malicious child laughing at something that is beyond his
comprehension.
The text that features on the website was the first publisher draft.
Elsewhere the publisher has commissioned an experienced proof-reader
to ready the text for production. Any errors you can see on the
website simply won't be there in the forthcoming book.
Good grief, do you really have nothing better to do with your time
than obsess about me?
No, I suppose you don't.
The Laughing Gnome
>
> Oh my lord. The foreword alone will hae you pissing yourself.
> Namedropping plus asking that the title shouldn't be nominated for any
> awards so that when it doesn'tr, which it obviously won't because he's
> such a terrible writers, he can say that it's only because he asked
> for it not to be.
>
> Hilarious!!!
You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
'Hae' is presumably meant to be 'have'.
Your inability to control your bodily functions is almost as
unpleasant as the grace with which you express your sentiments.
'Doesn'tr' has no letter 'r'.
I have elected not to take part in the ludicrous awards merry-go-round
on a matter of principle. As I have long been an outspoken critic of
the way that awards are managed and bestowed this is in keeping with
my beliefs.
"He's such a terrible writers." I think you mean 'writer' singular.
It's more than a little ironic to have aspersions cast upon one's
literary capabilities by an individual who can't even spell or
punctuate his criticism properly. This is to say nothing of your
clumsy inelegance.
I've used the phrase before and I'll use it again: showing you
excerpts of my work is like casting pearls before swine. What's more,
you're a hypocrite, because you don't judge prose by its quality, you
judge it by your liking for the author, which is a notoriously flawed
and corrupt practise. This is evidenced by your gushing praise for my
UMTM posts back in the days when you doted upon me.
What you know about literary criticism could be written on the back of
a second class stamp with a thick black marker pen. Intellectually,
you're far better suited to punning about low-brow soap operas like
Coronation Street.
The Laughing Gnome
>
> - Show quoted text -
'Paragephs?'
Please do elucidate.
Grant
> It's more than a little ironic to have aspersions cast upon one's
> literary capabilities by an individual who can't even spell or
> punctuate his criticism properly. This is to say nothing of your
> clumsy inelegance.
>
> I've used the phrase before and I'll use it again: showing you
> excerpts of my work is like casting pearls before swine. What's more,
> you're a hypocrite, because you don't judge prose by its quality, you
> judge it by your liking for the author, which is a notoriously flawed
> and corrupt practise.
ITYM 'practice'.
Mike Plowman
> are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
I'm not religious myself but I'm sure many have uttered 'Oh my God' on
reading your work.
>
> I have elected not to take part in the ludicrous awards merry-go-round
> on a matter of principle. As I have long been an outspoken critic of
> the way that awards are managed and bestowed this is in keeping with
> my beliefs.
Utter nonsense. You know full well your book is not in with a chance
and have, rather pathetically, atempted to be able to show some
dignity when it is roundly ignored. The fact remains that without your
I don't want to be in your gang disclaimer, it would have been ignored
anyway.
To be honest, I was quite interested to see even a small part of your
book. I thought to myself, this could be where I am made to eat my
words. Perhaps he is really good after all. Perhaps he has a totally
different writing style to the pseudo style he posts with on Usenet.
Alas, no.
And prose? Where was the prose on that very first page? The page that
should perhaps make someone think they'd like to read more? It just
sounded flat and boring. Take a look at the first two pages of Mark
Samuels' offering also put up. That's more like it.
And I do hope your pressional proof reader noted that a copyright
notice for Bowie's quoted lyrics need to be added. No lyrics can be
quoted in a publication without premission and a note of the
copyright holder, But you'd know that, having been a publisher
yourself, wouldn't you?
Jeff Lawrence
Ah, but this is only the first publisher draft of the above post,
which was accidently sent to the group a bit too soon. Barker has
apparently commissioned an experienced proof-reader to ready the post
for publication and this will
be forth-coming shortly.
Cheers
Jeff
michael adams
"The Laughing Gnome" <haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:7eb68bcb-360f-4d54...@t23g2000yqt.googlegroups.com...
> Oh dear, Michael. You have already infringed copyright by quoting a
> section of the introduction which exceeds the 'fair usage' quota
> allowed in such cases. I shall be writing to your ISP.
Quoting anything you've written is hardly "fair usage", that much
I'll admit Barker. After all, it can never appear to be anything
less than holding you up to ridicule and contempt. But then who's
fault is that ? But that aside -
Once Bowie's legal people have finished with you Barker, you'll
be under permanent sedation on tranquillisers, never mind writing
letters to anyone.
Let's just hope for your sake the house is in Selma's name.
You Barker have landed yourself in Serious Shit.
If you think for one moment that David Bowie has spent the last 30
or more years, building himself a reputation simply so as to allow
parasitic scumbags like you to bask in his reflected glory, with
neither a bye nor leave then you're seriously mistaken.
The only question Barker, is how many people have already emailed
Bowies representatives informing them of your gross violation
of Bowie's copyright.
On the Copyrights Page -
<quote>
TENEBROUS TALES
First published by Ex Occidente Press in April MMX
Stories & Forward © Christopher Barker, MMX
Introduction © Reggie Oliver, MMX
Frontispiece artwork by Kerry Buck, At the Bottom of the Pass, MMX
</quote>
he doesn't acknowledge the copyright of David Bowie in the attributed
lyric at the start of Chapter One, (assuming it's the only one) or
mention any permissions sought or granted.
<quote>
"The Children of the summer's end
Gathered in the dampened grass.
We played our songs and felt the London sky
Resting on our hands.
It was God's land.
It was ragged and naïve
It was Heaven."
David Bowie, 'Memory Of A Free Festival', 1969
<quote>
I'm no expert - maybe Bowie put this into the public domain, at some point ?
No ?
Oh dear!
michael adams
....
michael adams
"Nutter Cracker" <nutter.nutterc...@gmail.com> wrote in message
news:117ip5tc74vk6m97v...@4ax.com...
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:02:28 -0000, in uk.media.tv.misc "michael
> adams" <mjad...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
>
> >
> >TENEBROUS TALES
> >First published by Ex Occidente Press in April MMX
> >Stories & Forward © Christopher Barker, MMX
> >Introduction © Reggie Oliver, MMX
> >Frontispiece artwork by Kerry Buck, At the Bottom of the Pass, MMX
>
> collector never seen a copyright notice in a book? They use numbers,
> just like normal people. 2010, not MMX. The Roman numerals are for the
> movies.
>
> Jumping the gun a little, Barmy?
>
>
Barmy's a bit busy at the moment. Having just had an email from
Desperate Dan, he's frantically Googling around for a best price on
an industrial size bucket of Tippex. As it's not only Chapter One,
by all accounts.
michael adams
...
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>I know people who specialise in copyright law.
That's useful. You might want to have a word with them before you go
ahead and publish Ramsey Campbell's letters on internet, in clear
breach of his copyright, as you recently threatened to do. It could
save you a bob or two in the long run.
>This isn't an idle threat, it is a warning of intent.
Why would anyone suspect you of making idle threats?
Oh yeah.....
Col
"Mike Plowman" <plowma...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
news:42d31ab7-3154-40a5...@g4g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
>
> Hats off to the guy who photoshopped it though, to make it look like
> he was allowed in places where other people gather.
Had 4000 Volts put through him more like!
--
Col
And all the stars that never were
Are parking cars and pumping gas.
John Pelan
wrote:
>
> - Show quoted text -
Don't you mean "the book simply won't be there"?
The Laughing Gnome
> > You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
> > are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
>
> I'm not religious myself but I'm sure many have uttered 'Oh my God' on
> reading your work.
But the point is that you failed to punctuate the word properly.
I also note that you've selectively clipped out other comments which
highlight your shocking illiteracy.
>
>
>
> > I have elected not to take part in the ludicrous awards merry-go-round
> > on a matter of principle. As I have long been an outspoken critic of
> > the way that awards are managed and bestowed this is in keeping with
> > my beliefs.
>
> Utter nonsense. You know full well your book is not in with a chance
> and have, rather pathetically, atempted to be able to show some
> dignity when it is roundly ignored. The fact remains that without your
> I don't want to be in your gang disclaimer, it would have been ignored
> anyway.
>
No, it's not utter nonsense. That argument just doesn't stand up to
scrutiny. Even my enemies know that I have long been a vocal and
outspoken critic of awards.
> To be honest, I was quite interested to see even a small part of your
> book. I thought to myself, this could be where I am made to eat my
> words. Perhaps he is really good after all. Perhaps he has a totally
> different writing style to the pseudo style he posts with on Usenet.
> Alas, no.
>
Yes, you certainly have cultivated the character of an astute and
literate critic in UMTM, haven't you? To say nothing of your expertise
in a genre which you know little about.
And it's something of an understatement to say that you're "quite
interested" in me. It's screamingly obvious that you are besotted with
me.
> And prose? Where was the prose on that very first page? The page that
> should perhaps make someone think they'd like to read more? It just
> sounded flat and boring. Take a look at the first two pages of Mark
> Samuels' offering also put up. That's more like it.
>
That's odd. Two writers and three publishers have read that same story
- in entirety, mind, all 50 pages, and not just a snippet view of one
page - and have offered unequivocal praise. Only last month one of
those publishers said that of the thousands of horror stories he'd
read, he'd place that specific tale high in the top 50, calling it
excellent.
It's a cliche to say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. In your
case you appear to be judging a book by a tiny fragment of one story.
What's more, you know almost nothing about the horror genre, and by
your own admission you are deeply prejudiced against me.
You're a sour old fool, Plowman. Only a fool would pass judgement on
something he hasn't read and doesn't understand.
> And I do hope your pressional proof reader noted that a copyright
> notice for Bowie's quoted lyrics need to be added. No lyrics can be
> quoted in a publication without premission and a note of the
> copyright holder, But you'd know that, having been a publisher
> yourself, wouldn't you?
Yes, and unlike you, I know that there isn't a problem on that score.
I've even been in contact with Nick Drake's people to ensure that
they're happy with my fictionalisation of him although there is no
actual requirement for me to do so.
What a jealous little man you are. Why don't you go and write
something of your own and stop worrying so much about what your
enemies are up to?
Oh, that's right, you can't. Because you are impotent.
John Pelan
wrote:
And you shall be laughed at.
>
> Let me make this crystal clear to you and anyone else: if anybody
> uploads the text of my book onto the internet, I will take legal
> action against them. I will retain a legal professional who
> specialises in copyright infringement to obtain the identity of the
> individual(s) concerned from their IP trail, and I will seek maximum
> redress through the courts.
>
> I know people who specialise in copyright law.
You don't know Jack Shit.
> The inidividual(s) concerned will be sued for damages & costs and they will be publicly exposed for their actions.
Certainly, all you need do is produce a copy of the cheque you were
paid for the work or even a ledger showing all the advance orders. Oh,
wait...
>As I am currently in discussion with a third party
> publisher about their producing a paperback version of my book this is
> a very serious issue and will have comensurate financial implications
> for those who seek to break the law.
You don't have "discussions" with Lulu.com, you want your book printed
just pony up the fees.
Cheers,
J
The Laughing Gnome
>
> The only question Barker, is how many people have already emailed
> Bowies representatives informing them of your gross violation
> of Bowie's copyright.
>
Presumably these would be the same representatives that we've already
been in contact with?
Besides, I didn't realise you were an expert in the field of
copyright, not after having wilfully infringed mine without asking
permission. What, pray, is "gross violation" of copyright?
[Poor old Mickey Adams - yet another envious buffoon who can't bear to
see an enemy or rival do well.]
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:37:02 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
> >are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
>
> >'Hae' is presumably meant to be 'have'.
>
> >Your inability to control your bodily functions is almost as
> >unpleasant as the grace with which you express your sentiments.
>
> >'Doesn'tr' has no letter 'r'.
>
I didn't type or spell the word 'forward', and the proof-reader picked
it up anyway.
Thanks for taking such a prurient interest in my work. Do help
yourself to a clean pair of underpants on the way out, you seem to
have soiled those ones.
michael adams
"The Laughing Gnome" <haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote in message
news:582d1fa7-e8dc-4c7e...@z4g2000yqa.googlegroups.com...
> It's a cliche to say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.
© Christopher Barker 2010
michael adams
...
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> Projection again, Barmy? Let's see:
>
> Who paid a vanity publisher to put out a book showing him propping up
> a bar like some crashing saloon bar bore? You or me?
>
Nobody published by Ex Occ Press has paid to have their work
published. It is not a vanity press. What part of that is difficult to
understand?
By all means feel free to contact the publisher or any of the living
authors he has worked with to obtain corroboration of this.
[Naturally you won't, because you know you'll be proved wrong.]
> Who put the names of his wife, daughter and sons in the world's most
> toe-curling "forward" ever seen? You or me?
>
Again, you're jumping to conclusions. That was the first draft
foreword. The revised foreword is very different.
Besides, you're just jealous. A foreword which thanks people is pretty
standard. You're probably just angry that I have friends who don't
mind being name-checked.
> That's family. You don't have colleagues, of course, since you're a
> benefits ponce.
>
It's rather amusing to be called a benefits ponce by someone who
doesn't even pay tax in the UK. However, if you're referring to the
allowances by sons receive for being disabled, or for the allowances
we receive for caring for them, then yes, I'll gladly take the money
that by law I'm entitled to. As would anyone else. Hell, I'll even
take a £30k grant to convert my attic into a new bedroom for the boys
its on offer.
You may call it poncing, but let's remember that you have no
experience of raising disabled children, so you don't really know what
you're talking about. In contrast, I have, and what's more, I have
also worked in a Job Centre, so I've seen things from far more
perspectives than you ever will.
Of course, we could dump them on the state, as you probably would,
being such a self-obsessed bore. Conservative estimates suggest that
it costs approximately £125k per annum to care for a special needs
child in a state institution, so even if you were a UK taxpayer (which
you're not), you should be thanking me for saving you a shedload of
money.
> So I win.
Oh, I don't think so. The only winners in your Sun-reader style
argument - the argument that seeks to demonise the average working
class family as benefit thieves - are the Dame Shirley Porters and
Lord Ashcrofts of this world, because the govt is defrauded of more
money in unpaid tax by unprincipled billionaires and businesses than
it pays out in benefits to people who are often living on the
breadline.
Do you know, I'm more than a little suspicious about this stance held
by you, Adams, Plowman and Herr SS. When I had a highly paid job and
was paying rather substantial amounts in tax, I never once grumbled
about some of it going to support the ill, disabled or unemployed. Yet
in contrast the four of you don't stop harping on about it, and you do
so during what is meant to be the working day.
I wouldn't be surprised if none of you had jobs, and were projecting
your own secret guilt and shame onto others via a free internet
connection at your local library. I'm already fairly certain that
Adams is unemployed, and that SS pays no tax. Plowman is probably on a
restart course.
Grant
>
> But the point is that you failed to punctuate the word properly.
>
<snip>
>
> It's a cliche to say you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover.
ITYM 'its cover'.
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:02:28 -0000, in uk.media.tv.misc "michael
>
>
> >TENEBROUS TALES
> >First published by Ex Occidente Press in April MMX
> >Stories & Forward © Christopher Barker, MMX
> >Introduction © Reggie Oliver, MMX
> >Frontispiece artwork by Kerry Buck, At the Bottom of the Pass, MMX
>
> collector never seen a copyright notice in a book? They use numbers,
> movies.
>
> Jumping the gun a little, Barmy?
It's the publisher's house style. If you have a problem, contact them.
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:02:28 -0000, in uk.media.tv.misc "michael
>
> adams" <mjadam...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
>
> ><quote>
>
> >I'm no expert - maybe Bowie put this into the public domain, at some point ?
>
> >No ?
>
> >Oh dear!
>
> original copyright holders, and if the copyright has changed hands,
> they'll know where it resides now.
>
> Here's their Music Publishers Association directory listing:http://mpa.org/directories/music_publishers/show/370
>
> where we see the address is:
> TRO Inc. (The Richmond Organization)
> 266 West 37th Street, 17th Floor
> New York, NY 10018
>
> and the email contact:
> copyri...@songways.com
>
> I don't know how I'm going to manage to resist the temptation to send
> them a link to Barmy's Tedious Tales PDF, which contains the Bowie
> lyrics. I wonder if they would mind?
>
> Music publishers are notoriously difficult about allowing even one
> line of their songs to be used in novels. Those who have done it have
> always had to pay, and had to include very clear attributions as well.
> I don't recall how much it is you might expect to have to pay, but
> it's sure to be more than the poor long-suffering Mrs Barmy counted on
> when she let him embark on this ridiculous and ill-fated vanity
> publishing jaunt.
>
> So that's copyri...@songways.com. Just mention the name of the song,
> and the artist, and the link. Simple, really.
Is this the same 'long-suffering' wife that you racially abused for
two years?
Halmyre
IYM "its handsomely-bound cover"
--
Halmyre
Halmyre
> "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>
> news:e08b7bf7-541f-4b65...@t20g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
>
>
>
> > On 11 Mar, 09:18, "michael adams" <mjadam...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
> > > "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>
> > >news:1227f14f-4391-4577...@b30g2000yqd.googlegroups.com...
>
> > > >http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>
> > > > Enjoy. :-)
>
> > > First story, first paragraph
>
> > > " It's always embarrassing when you have to intrude upon the private
> > > life of a work colleague. You both sense that things are going to change
> > > and that you can never hope to be proper friends again. "
>
> > You do realise he will now sue you for copyright infringement and you
> > will die penniless in the gutter? :-)
>
> ...
>
> What with it being a PDF I had to do a screen capture for his photo -
>
> http://i44.tinypic.com/20r3brd.jpg
>
(WILHELM SCREAM)
Jesus H Fucking Christ on a Bicycle.
Is this some sort of government health campaign, to dissuade people
from going into pubs?
--
Halmyre
middl...@googlemail.com
LOL!
The point is, he failed to punctuate the word properly. :)
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>Only a fool would pass judgement on
>something he hasn't read and doesn't understand.
Remind us again about your thoughts on the works of bestselling author
J K Rowling. You know, the ones you haven't read.
Or should I just check the Google archive?
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>No, it's not utter nonsense. That argument just doesn't stand up to
>scrutiny. Even my enemies know that I have long been a vocal and
>outspoken critic of awards.
No, you've bitched and complained for a long time that the Reggie
Oliver books you published didn't win any awards. That isn't the same
thing.
middl...@googlemail.com
<flashgord...@yahoo.com> wrote:
>> What with it being a PDF I had to do a screen capture for his photo -
>>
>> http://i44.tinypic.com/20r3brd.jpg
>>
>
>(WILHELM SCREAM)
>
>Jesus H Fucking Christ on a Bicycle.
>
>Is this some sort of government health campaign, to dissuade people
>from going into pubs?
His publisher is merely showing him in a heterosexual environment,
such as a pub. There was probably a "footie" game on the big screen
TV. You can't get more red blooded than that.
Sofa - Spud
> On 11 Mar, 16:31, Nutter Cracker
> <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
>> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:37:02 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>>
>> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>> You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
>>> are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
>>> 'Hae' is presumably meant to be 'have'.
>>> Your inability to control your bodily functions is almost as
>>> unpleasant as the grace with which you express your sentiments.
>>> 'Doesn'tr' has no letter 'r'.
>> The word you're looking for is "foreword" not "forward".
>
> I didn't type or spell the word 'forward', and the proof-reader picked
> it up anyway.
But you've left it on the *download the first pages here* link? What
does that look like to potential customers? That and the *bored* line
penned by yourself.
Clueless aren't you?
>
> Thanks for taking such a prurient interest in my work. Do help
> yourself to a clean pair of underpants on the way out, you seem to
> have soiled those ones.
Yopu are a dirty minded man aren't you - how many dirty posts like these
have you posted in the last few hours, endless references to gay sex etc
- got you banned from the Mausoleum club didn't it?
You've been pulled up for this many many times over the last 10 years
haven't you?
Sofa - Spud
> On 11 Mar, 10:33, "michael adams" <mjadam...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
>> "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>> On 11 Mar, 09:38, "michael adams" <mjadam...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
>>>> "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>>>> news:e08b7bf7-541f-4b65...@t20g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...
>>>>> On 11 Mar, 09:18, "michael adams" <mjadam...@onetel.net.uk> wrote:
>>>>>> "Mike Plowman" <plowman.m...@googlemail.com> wrote in message
>>>>>> news:1227f14f-4391-4577...@b30g2000yqd.googlegroups.com...
>>>>>>> http://www.exoccidente.com/pdf/tenebrous1.pdf
>>>>>>> Enjoy. :-)
>>>>>> First story, first paragraph
>>>>>> " It's always embarrassing when you have to intrude upon the private
>>>>>> life of a work colleague. You both sense that things are going to change
>>>>>> and that you can never hope to be proper friends again. "
>>>>> You do realise he will now sue you for copyright infringement and you
>>>>> will die penniless in the gutter? :-)
>>>> ...
>>>> http://i44.tinypic.com/20r3brd.jpg
I should have thought every ISP in the world would have you on the *
laugh then post on the office message board* list. How many ISP's have
you **Liased** with over the years.
Google Barker and ISP - it should be a *huge* list.
>
> Let me make this crystal clear to you and anyone else: if anybody
> uploads the text of my book onto the internet, I will take legal
> action against them. I will retain a legal professional who
> specialises in copyright infringement to obtain the identity of the
> individual(s) concerned from their IP trail, and I will seek maximum
> redress through the courts.
You'll take no legal action - you've been suing half of Usenet for ten
yrs. If I get hold of a copy I'll scan all of it in and post it here for
a laugh. You can try to sue me but it won't look good when the threat to
get a man to find me for 5K and do me in gets out.
>
> I know people who specialise in copyright law.
of course you do - you've been caught out in copyright theft before -
that and cheque fraud.
This isn't an idle
> threat, it is a warning of intent. The inidividual(s) concerned will
> be sued for damages & costs and they will be publicly exposed for
> their actions. As I am currently in discussion with a third party
> publisher about their producing a paperback version of my book this is
> a very serious issue and will have comensurate financial implications
> for those who seek to break the law.
Funny how you were twittering about spelling mistakes earlier
inidividual ???
comensurate ???
>
> By all means attempt to critique my work within the boundaries of the
> law, but infringe my copyright at your peril.
>
> Christopher Barker
It's like being threatened by Cleetus the slack jawed yokel!!
The Laughing Gnome
> The Laughing Gnome wrote:
> > On 11 Mar, 16:31, Nutter Cracker
> > <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> >> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:37:02 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> >> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >>> You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
> >>> are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
> >>> 'Hae' is presumably meant to be 'have'.
> >>> Your inability to control your bodily functions is almost as
> >>> unpleasant as the grace with which you express your sentiments.
> >>> 'Doesn'tr' has no letter 'r'.
> >> The word you're looking for is "foreword" not "forward".
>
> > I didn't type or spell the word 'forward', and the proof-reader picked
> > it up anyway.
>
> But you've left it on the *download the first pages here* link? What
> does that look like to potential customers? That and the *bored* line
> penned by yourself.
>
> Clueless aren't you?
>
>
Not as clueless as you. I don't maintain that website and I didn't
publish the PDF in question.
But anyway.....post a link to something - anything - you've done in a
professional capacity and let's see how you like being judged by the
same standards.
Oh, hold on, you can't, can you?
>
> > Thanks for taking such a prurient interest in my work. Do help
> > yourself to a clean pair of underpants on the way out, you seem to
> > have soiled those ones.
>
> Yopu are a dirty minded man aren't you - how many dirty posts like these
> have you posted in the last few hours, endless references to gay sex etc
> - got you banned from the Mausoleum club didn't it?
>
> You've been pulled up for this many many times over the last 10 years
> haven't you?
No.
If you leap all over me like crazed animals in a thinly-veiled display
of tumescent macho rage then it's perfectly reasonable to speculate
that your behaviour is borderline psychopathic and homo-erotic. It's a
well known fact that in scientific tests, many men get sexually
aroused when attacking other men, particularly a lone victim.
If you don't like me, ignore me and my posts. If you don't like my
work, don't buy my book. It's that easy.
But you _can't_ leave me alone, can you? You get off on harrassing me
with wildly abusive insults about me, my kids and my wife.
You don't need to be a psychologist to see that abuse as a metaphor
for homo-erotic projection, but you do need to be a little brighter
than the average hospital porter.
Sofa - Spud
> On 11 Mar, 22:10, Sofa - Spud <comfyso...@hotmail.co.uk> wrote:
>
>> The Laughing Gnome wrote:
>>> On 11 Mar, 16:31, Nutter Cracker
>>> <nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
>>>> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 06:37:02 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>>>> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
>>>>> You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
>>>>> are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
>>>>> 'Hae' is presumably meant to be 'have'.
>>>>> Your inability to control your bodily functions is almost as
>>>>> unpleasant as the grace with which you express your sentiments.
>>>>> 'Doesn'tr' has no letter 'r'.
>>>> The word you're looking for is "foreword" not "forward".
>>> I didn't type or spell the word 'forward', and the proof-reader picked
>>> it up anyway.
>> But you've left it on the *download the first pages here* link? What
>> does that look like to potential customers? That and the *bored* line
>> penned by yourself.
>>
>> Clueless aren't you?
>>
>>
>
> Not as clueless as you. I don't maintain that website and I didn't
> publish the PDF in question.
You did get a website pulled but now you can't even afford the
registration - or more importantly selma has chopped you off.
>
> But anyway.....post a link to something - anything - you've done in a
> professional capacity and let's see how you like being judged by the
> same standards.
I don't trumpet what I do on here though do I? I haven't spent the last
ten years crowing about how I am a writer of great import and no one in
the field of literature recognises my talent.
I haven't spent years boasting about film scripts with leading comedians
etc.
You're a joke - ten years barker , ten years of your lunacy.
Remember posting that Jon Pelan had put spy ware on you PC and was
watching you from the US? Lunacy!
>
> Oh, hold on, you can't, can you?
Don't need to - this is UMTM, only you see the need to boast. Frootbat
saw it and posted on every post you made about what you've got or own.
>
>>> Thanks for taking such a prurient interest in my work. Do help
>>> yourself to a clean pair of underpants on the way out, you seem to
>>> have soiled those ones.
>> Yopu are a dirty minded man aren't you - how many dirty posts like these
>> have you posted in the last few hours, endless references to gay sex etc
>> - got you banned from the Mausoleum club didn't it?
>>
>> You've been pulled up for this many many times over the last 10 years
>> haven't you?
>
> No.
Oh yes you have - ALWAYS bringing dirty sex fantasies into every
threads. Desperate to talk about child pornography - you've been pulled
up loads of times. Dirty minded little man - one day barker it'll all
come out and you'll end up behind bars.
>
> If you leap all over me like crazed animals in a thinly-veiled display
> of tumescent macho rage then it's perfectly reasonable to speculate
> that your behaviour is borderline psychopathic and homo-erotic. It's a
> well known fact that in scientific tests, many men get sexually
> aroused when attacking other men, particularly a lone victim.
Only *you* think like that barker - like only *you* bring up the quotes
about rape victims *asking for it* . You've done it several times and
been pulled up for it.
Filthy dirty minded pervert that you are barker.
>
> If you don't like me, ignore me and my posts. If you don't like my
> work, don't buy my book. It's that easy.
Oh? you posted you *only* come here fopr trouble and to *stir* things up
- so here you are. If you foolishly think you can try and ply your games
here barker think again.
You should have thought harder when you posted on my *Fuck film four *
thread. You had the chance and blew it.
>
> But you _can't_ leave me alone, can you? You get off on harrassing me
> with wildly abusive insults about me, my kids and my wife.
You don't give a shit about your wife and kids - as I saw on the Ligotti
forum. What was it you called your kids?
and harassing has only one r writer boy.
>
> You don't need to be a psychologist to see that abuse as a metaphor
> for homo-erotic projection, but you do need to be a little brighter
> than the average hospital porter.
>
>
Only you see gay sex in everything barker - you always have done. Dirty
minded pervert just waiting to get caught - that's you barker.
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:55:35 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >> And I do hope your pressional proof reader noted that a copyright
> >> notice for Bowie's quoted lyrics need to be added. No lyrics can be
> >> quoted in a publication without premission and a note of the
> >> copyright holder, But you'd know that, having been a publisher
> >> yourself, wouldn't you?
>
> >Yes, and unlike you, I know that there isn't a problem on that score.
> >I've even been in contact with Nick Drake's people to ensure that
> >they're happy with my fictionalisation of him although there is no
> >actual requirement for me to do so.
>
> You're certainly obliged to get permission before quoting song lyrics.
> Check any book that does it, you'll find the permissions very clearly
> stated.
>
> You know absolutely fucking nothing about any subject that counts.
Sure. That's why I've been commissioned to write articles on the
horror genre and to put together a collection of original short
stories. It's also why I'm something of an expert in my field.
You're just projecting again, Alan, in that disturbingly aggressive
way you have when you seek to dominate and subjugate men who stand up
to you. It's thinly-veiled homosexual repression but you seem
unwilling to acknowledge it.
If you were more in touch with your feminine side you would be much
better company. As things stand, you're like something out an
enlightened gangster flick, a sort of cross between Don Logan and
Ronnie Kray.
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
"dominate and subjugate men"
"homosexual repression"
"Don Logan"
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
"tumescent macho rage"
"homo-erotic"
"sexually aroused when attacking other men"
"my kids"
"my wife"
"homo-erotic projection"
John Pelan
>
> - Show quoted text -
Yipes! I'd had four pints of Guiness and that shocked me sober!
Cheers,
John
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
"wife"
"racially abused"
The Laughing Gnome
<nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
> On Thu, 11 Mar 2010 11:02:10 -0800 (PST), in uk.media.tv.misc The
>
>
>
>
>
> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >On 11 Mar, 16:31, Nutter Cracker
> ><nutter.nuttercracker.crac...@gmail.com> wrote:
>
> >> Laughing Gnome <hauntedri...@hotmail.com> wrote:
> >> >You should capitalise 'Lord' to reference God, unless of course you
> >> >are referring to any passing lord who has caught your attention.
>
> >> >'Hae' is presumably meant to be 'have'.
>
> >> >Your inability to control your bodily functions is almost as
> >> >unpleasant as the grace with which you express your sentiments.
>
> >> >'Doesn'tr' has no letter 'r'.
>
> >> The word you're looking for is "foreword" not "forward".
>
> >I didn't type or spell the word 'forward', and the proof-reader picked
> >it up anyway.
>
> proof things before you put them out.
>
Me? I think not. There's a proof-reader to do that.
Your problem seems to be with the fact that my publisher - the chap
you keep libelling as a fascist - has put a sampler online whilst
working on final proofs for the soon-to-be-published book.
Do you really have nothing better to worry about? You're like Paul
Whitehouse's nosey neighbour, spying on others through the net
curtains. People are dying in Afghanistan every day but you're worried
about whether or not a Romanian publisher is following a protocol that
you personally deem to be the correct one.
Get a life, you sad sack of rotting excrement.
> >Thanks for taking such a prurient interest in my work. Do help
> >yourself to a clean pair of underpants on the way out, you seem to
> >have soiled those ones.
>
> Always with the one-track Barmy mind. All he ever thinks about is
> other men's arses.
Nope. I'm just making the point that when I post about a BBC tv show,
you lot drop your trousers and start jerking off in a group wankfest.
You do it everytime. It's how you get your jollies. I ain't the
pervert for seeing your obsession with me for what it is - namely, an
obsession - you are by virtue of your reaction.
I've said it before: if you aren't obsessed with me, why not ignore my
posts? And if you think I'm a poor writer, well then, don't buy my
book. Just stop leaping about in a tumescent rage, ok?
John Pelan
>
> - Show quoted text -
No, no... "Commissioned" means being paid. For example, I have
recently been "commissioned" by numerous publishers to author
introductions to various works. In my other line of work, I am
"commissioned" by construction and engineering firms to recruit
management-level individuals.
Being offered a comp copy of a fanzine is not being "commissioned".
Please try harder next time.
Perhaps you should seek out various "fora" that deal with speaking
English as a second language; might save you from additional ridicule.
Cheers,
John
The Laughing Gnome
Why do I need a publishers website when I've stopped publishing?
You're an idiot. I let the website lapse because I no longer needed
it.
>
> > But anyway.....post a link to something - anything - you've done in a
> > professional capacity and let's see how you like being judged by the
> > same standards.
>
> I don't trumpet what I do on here though do I? I haven't spent the last
> ten years crowing about how I am a writer of great import and no one in
> the field of literature recognises my talent.
>
Neither have I. But please, do post proof to back up this new claim.
> I haven't spent years boasting about film scripts with leading comedians
> etc.
>
One reference about a year ago.
> You're a joke - ten years barker , ten years of your lunacy.
>
Five years ago Plowman was singing my praises.
> Remember posting that Jon Pelan had put spy ware on you PC and was
> watching you from the US? Lunacy!
>
>
That's a John Pelan myth. Where's your evidence?
>
> > Oh, hold on, you can't, can you?
>
> Don't need to - this is UMTM, only you see the need to boast. Frootbat
> saw it and posted on every post you made about what you've got or own.
>
>
Eh?
>
> >>> Thanks for taking such a prurient interest in my work. Do help
> >>> yourself to a clean pair of underpants on the way out, you seem to
> >>> have soiled those ones.
> >> Yopu are a dirty minded man aren't you - how many dirty posts like these
> >> have you posted in the last few hours, endless references to gay sex etc
> >> - got you banned from the Mausoleum club didn't it?
>
> >> You've been pulled up for this many many times over the last 10 years
> >> haven't you?
>
> > No.
>
> Oh yes you have - ALWAYS bringing dirty sex fantasies into every
> threads. Desperate to talk about child pornography - you've been pulled
> up loads of times. Dirty minded little man - one day barker it'll all
> come out and you'll end up behind bars.
>
>
No, you are the one who jerks off with orgiastic glee everytime I try
to post about UK media issues.
And you really must be very thick if you interpret my views on child
abuse in that way. It is me who initially raised concerns about the
way that children were sexualised in the sort of fiction that John
Pelan champions. In response, he tried to suggest that it was I who
had the sick mind. But since then it's been proven that two of his
heroes - M P Shiel and Dick Donovan - sexually abused their own
children. And another of his heroes - Charles Birkin - has been
criticised for his sadistic sexualisation of children. Oh, and let's
not forget M R James. I was vilified for suggesting that there were
disturbing undercurrents in his ghost stories, yet various critics
hold similar views to me - Jonathan Miller, Julia Briggs, Kim Newman
et al - and an Observer reviewer quite reasonably labelled one of his
TV adaptations as a bleak study in child abuse.
So, if you interpret my condemnation of the sexualised violence
inflicted upon children in horror stories as an endorsement of
behaviour I find abhorrent, it shows how stupid and ignorant you truly
are.
>
> > If you leap all over me like crazed animals in a thinly-veiled display
> > of tumescent macho rage then it's perfectly reasonable to speculate
> > that your behaviour is borderline psychopathic and homo-erotic. It's a
> > well known fact that in scientific tests, many men get sexually
> > aroused when attacking other men, particularly a lone victim.
>
> Only *you* think like that barker - like only *you* bring up the quotes
> about rape victims *asking for it* . You've done it several times and
> been pulled up for it.
>
It's because I am a shrewd judge with a sharp eye for the hidden
agenda.
Your behaviour is exactly as I described. I posted about a TV show and
you leapt all over me like a dog on heat.
> Filthy dirty minded pervert that you are barker.
>
>
I think you're just angry at having had a mirror held up to your own
face.
>
> > If you don't like me, ignore me and my posts. If you don't like my
> > work, don't buy my book. It's that easy.
>
> Oh? you posted you *only* come here fopr trouble and to *stir* things up
> - so here you are. If you foolishly think you can try and ply your games
> here barker think again.
>
Erm, no.
I posted about a TV show because this group is dedicated to such
discussion. YOU were the one who started jerking-off angrily about
other issues.
> You should have thought harder when you posted on my *Fuck film four *
> thread. You had the chance and blew it.
> >
>
> > But you _can't_ leave me alone, can you? You get off on harrassing me
> > with wildly abusive insults about me, my kids and my wife.
>
> You don't give a shit about your wife and kids - as I saw on the Ligotti
> forum. What was it you called your kids?
>
> and harassing has only one r writer boy.
>
>
Oh, don't I? Clearly you must know me better than any of my friends or
family.
But thanks for confirming that your obsession in me extends to poring
over my posts in another forum dedicated to a subject you know nothing
about.
Does your wife know this is how you spend your time? Stalking other
men across the internet?
>
> > You don't need to be a psychologist to see that abuse as a metaphor
> > for homo-erotic projection, but you do need to be a little brighter
> > than the average hospital porter.
>
> Only you see gay sex in everything barker - you always have done. Dirty
> minded pervert just waiting to get caught - that's you barker.
BORING.
You mean, that's how you want to think of me.
middl...@googlemail.com
<haunte...@hotmail.com> wrote:
"Paul Whitehouse"
"drop your trousers"
"start jerking off in a group wankfest"
"tumescent rage"