OT: My dad's health

[Bob Jersey]

Dad has been in noticeable pain in the last few days, from what he initially thought to be a pulled muscle in his chest, but it also appears to be affecting his vision. We're wondering if his breathing is also being impacted, as he has shown a spasmodic cough. Two of my brothers are keeping tabs on his situation (one works nights), and a nurse friend of my older brother is also helping out with advice. By tomorrow we hope to convince him to at least see his primary MD. He'll be 83 in January, and had a barrage of treatment after a tiny tumour was removed from his throat in April 2014, blamed on pipe smoking, but I believe a lot of what he suffers still stems from mom's passing five months ago today.

I'll let you know what we learn from his doctor.

B

[Kevin M.]

There seems to be a recent escalation of people I know with health issues, or who have loved ones with health issues. For what it might be worth, I'll add your dad to my prayers and hope for the best.

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Kevin M. (RPCV)

[Bob Jersey]

Youngest bro just took him out to doctor/hospital; I've quickly learned that I can't just pick something up to hand it to him, as he would look at the place where he'd left it and think it's missing or even stolen. B

[Bob Jersey]

He did have a small stroke, thankfully not the kind that would shut down half his functions. That's likely what affected his sight.

They're keeping him overnight. I want to believe that some type of rehabilitation is possible, but short-term he won't be able to drive his car, not that the danged thing is in perfect shape anyhow...

His current doctor is universally agreed among dad and bros to be something of a d*ck. I wish he knew one with more of a geriatrics background, except that there's only one or two in the immediate area that are in his (BCBS) insurance.

B

[PGage]

The vision symptoms did make me suspect a stroke of some kind, glad to hear it is small (though as they say, only other people's strokes are small). Will be joining others here in keeping a good thought for him. 

[Bob Jersey]

PGag, to moi:

The vision symptoms did make me suspect a stroke of some kind, glad to hear it is small (though as they say, only other people's strokes are small). Will be joining others here in keeping a good thought for him. 

Given what they know since his tumour was removed, they're going to cover every base they can... circulation, speech, etc., so he's not going to be back for at least a few days. I am keeping tabs on, f'rinstance, what bills he'll need to pay in the next few days.

A woman from nearby NJ who used to live with one of my brothers has caught wind of what's happened, and she's worse than a nosey puppy, but tragically dad got rid of our answering machine 'cos it ain't loud enough for him, so I might have to just let the phone ring given I'm dang sure she doesn't know my cell number...

B

[Bob Jersey]

[I just noticed I butchered the name of the last poster to whom I replied. No offence, PGage.]

[I am not cc'ing anybody when replying to posts. This usually doesn't mean anything to Gmailers, allegedly.]

The plan appears to have dad home sometime this week, and my older brother will likely have to miss work trying to hash out the details of what might be rather-involved home care. His vision is still sucky, so he could need assistance with many things, tho we don't know yet what issues he could have going up or down stairs. We'll know real soon how interested I am in continuing to participate in his care.

B

[Doug Eastick]

Best wishes .

[Bob Jersey]

Developments: Brother #2, the one after me, said the other day that the possibility of dad at least temporarily going to a care facility is real, given their ability to work on things like speech, sight, et al. is more in their scope, and I just now heard from brother #1 that he's developing that with his hospital caseworker.

B

[PGage]

On Wed, Jul 29, 2015 at 8:30 AM, Bob Jersey <bob.in...@juno.com> wrote:

Developments: Brother #2, the one after me, said the other day that the possibility of dad at least temporarily going to a care facility is real, given their ability to work on things like speech, sight, et al. is more in their scope, and I just now heard from brother #1 that he's developing that with his hospital caseworker.

Of course those are difficult decisions that can only be made with those who have knowledge of the specifics, both of his medical situation and the family situation; I will agree though that there is real benefit after a stroke to getting as much speech and physical therapy as possible, as soon as possible, and unless one is fantastically wealthy it is almost impossible to get as much of that as necessary from home. 

[Bob Jersey]

Today is the day he moves from hospital to rehab facility.

The other brothers heard the suggestion that it would be the same one in which mother was a few years ago, but it's part of a large chain awl over the Northeast and Midwest... and they have at least five or six buildings just in our area.

My first guess is that the one nearly between Easton and Bethlehem, which mentions services particular to dad's sitch, and is also within shouting distance of a hospital, would get the nod, but I'll know for sure when one of the bros takes me there later.

B

[Bob Jersey]

It ended up being the same one where mom was.

Back before his health issues started, he was doing family-tree research on his computer, and his roommate has the same surname as some of the folks he was researching... they would have been, say, second cousins to him... that energizes him, but not enough to get over the depressing fact that the speech specialist co-leading his care still doesn't think he's ready for chewable food... still, he's way more lucid on a regular basis here. He is, however, farther from the bathroom or the closets than his roommate.

I knew back when mom was there that their cable company was Service Electric like ours, but I think he has a problem seeing the buttons on the remote, so he doesn't watch much...

B

[Bob Jersey]

Complaining pays off: he got moved to a room without a roommate, so he can control the AC... this may be why he was never fond of having them in his house.

Brother 1 got a little ticked that I said a little something to one of our neighbours... he's understandably afraid of the wrong element getting ideas about the house. Of all the folks around us, this man and his wife are the friendliest, and agree with many of dad's views.

I visited there today as he was taken for physical therapy... he did nicely, even in one of those Nautilus-type pedal-pushing things. But he's still in a hospital gown and undies... we may have to find, say, heavier PJ bottoms or polycotton slacks, and possibly slippers, 'cause if he puts on his usual jeans, he (and the center's staff) will think he's leaving...

B

[Bob Jersey]

Sunday (9) youngest brother brought dad's radio to the center, but as I know many of you in big cities have encountered, AM reception in certain buildings is a farce, and all he likes anymore is the little 5kw talker in Allentown, with all the name-brand rightie hosts e.g. Lonesome Rhodes Beck and comedian Rush Limbaugh, and news on the hour.

Today (10) he's seeing a neurologist, and Thursday his cardiologist. He's finally relented as far as getting a hearing aid, now that we've clarified that insurance won't make him co-pay on it.

B

[Bob Jersey]

Audiologist (hearing aid provider) won't be able to see dad for about two weeks.

I'm wondering if brother #1 is fixin' to get dad moved to a different place, as even with the reputable company running their kitchen, this one's slipping when it comes to meals... on the bright side, he's starting to get more things he can easily chew, but they're not always warmed adequately, allegedly; meanwhile he's having circulation issues in his extremities, and wants more covering-type clothes (mom also had this).

Because bro #1's job is with the county, he has easier access to the county's Area Agency on Aging, and they've gotten involved with dad's sitch...

B

[Bob Jersey]

Well, the insurance got antsy, and said dad would have to leave the rehab by the end of next week.

He's energized at least a little, as the food "sucks" IHHO (he has gotten 'chewable' meals, tho that he could was thanks to a mixup), and no amount of adjustment to the HVAC system will satisfy him, either.

(And, he hasn't been able to smoke for about the last month. Insert 'raised eyebrows' shot of Sir Tom here.)

Now I'll need to relocate the hide-a-bed sofa (after removing all the stuff on it) from the room with the computer and his desk to the one with the TV, in the very-likely event he has to limit going up and down stairs to go to bed.

And figure out what really-unusual size sheet it takes.

B

[Bob Jersey]

We're openly wondering if, f'rinstance, his latest stroke may have triggered some other brain-related condition... I won't toss out disease names for fear that it won't give professionals any clues beyond the obvious memory and cognitive issues.

Brother-1 is reportedly still waiting for the county aging agency to get back to him, and whatever he wanted to ask dad's 'regular' MD(s) got placed in a 'stack of stuff' (cf. comedian Rush Limbaugh) that they have to get to in the proper order, I'm guessing.

Unrelated: I can't seem to be able to get to Hollywood Reporter pages without being asked to log into Netflix, ostensibly to view what they've got that's nominated for awards... it doesn't make sense, as I've never actually registered with THR, never mind NFLX.

B
 

[Bob Jersey]

They're cutting it close if what the insurer said last Friday is still the case, unless they consider Saturday a normal day as far as patient movements.

Bro-4 (recap: I'm bro-2) was reportedly caught sharing his cig with dad, and the next offence will get dad booted, possibly before any transitional plan is finalized.

Someone known to at least one of the brothers offered them a bed, whether hospital-style or not they weren't clear, but if it requires assembly we may get stuck with that.

B
 

[Bob Jersey]

Moi, in part:

Bro-4 (recap: I'm bro-2) was reportedly caught sharing his cig with dad, and the next offence will get dad booted, possibly before any transitional plan is finalized.

I think I confused someone with that line. I have only three brothers, and I'm the second oldest of my parents' sons.

That should have been bro-3 who was caught with the smoke. Everyone in the family except me smokes, tho bro-1 doesn't do it except at the private clubs he goes to.

B

[Bob Jersey]

Bro-2 here at the house heard from bro-1 within the hour... dad will be home Tuesday.

Hope the insurer wasn't actually holding us to an earlier date... there were a few days they refused to cover back when mom was there... they couldn't do their therapy after mom had a bone reset in her foot which required a stabilizing system of rods, brackets et al.

B

[Bob Jersey]

Bro-3 got the bed... hospital-style, not turribly different from mom's... I'll bet we'll have to turn it around so dad gets up on the same side as his bed upstairs...

Someone from the dietary dept. at the county's nursing facility, where bro-1 worked before his current job in land maintenance, reportedly will get involved with dad's meal planning... nobody's counseled me on my participation, about which, I'll be honest to them, I'm not completely comfortable...

B

[Kevin M.]

I would suggest that once your dad is settled in and comfortable, you create some sort of blog or write a letter to the editor chronicling all of this. What you're going through is a process that ought to be a lot easier for patients and family members looking to help. I'm sad to say I doubt your family is the only one that has to jump through a series of hoops to help maintain a loved one's quality of life. There are problems with the "system" and raising awareness is an important step towards resolving them. You have written articulately about all of this; your words, properly directed, could make a difference.

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Kevin M. (RPCV)

[Bob Jersey]

Kevin M:

I would suggest that once your dad is settled in and comfortable, you create some sort of blog or write a letter to the editor chronicling all of this. What you're going through is a process that ought to be a lot easier for patients and family members looking to help. I'm sad to say I doubt your family is the only one that has to jump through a series of hoops to help maintain a loved one's quality of life. There are problems with the "system" and raising awareness is an important step towards resolving them. You have written articulately about all of this; your words, properly directed, could make a difference.

It's hard to say if / when he would ever be truly comfortable... until he is home, and whatever therapies are determined and scheduled, and we brothers' responsibilities are figured out, I'm still essentially in the dark.

Meanwhile it is my considered opinion that my brothers want privacy for dad and themselves. Not sure how either letters or blogging might impact that.

And eventually, I seriously need to devote more time to finding new directions for my own life. How much that will involve Internet access remains to be seen.

B

[Bob Jersey]

He is back home now, but in some respects, it's as if he never went away.

We'll know very soon just how much care will be available to him now, but anything beyond that is up in the air.

B

[Bob Jersey]

Dad and bro-1 are going to the primary MDs' (plural; it's a threesome; one of the two men pretty-much left dad to the one woman; the other man, I think, has some kind of sweetheart connexion to the nursing/rehab he was in) tomorrow (28) to straighten out a few things (peacefully, I'm hoping, but you never know with them)... meanwhile, the audiologist did her thang, and the instrument, as they now call those products, will be ready in about a fortnight... till then, more loudness in conversation.

I'm worrying about bedbugs, but haven't actually spotted any yet.

B

[Bob Jersey]

Today on the way to the food store, bro-1 said the visit with the MDs wasn't Friday, but Monday.

We just spent upwards of half an hour trying to find dad's lighter (smoking: his only vice, or solace, or similar)... I soooo wanted to think it was karma, or the ghost of mother, or similar...

Bro-3 distanced himself from the fray... went to the IronPigs game... in Syracuse.

B

[Bob Jersey]

This is going to be the last post for a while about my father.

My oldest brother acts like he's fighting a war, and that sensitive information is going to people that shouldn't get it.

I'll also try to tweak the title to a TV-ish one hoping that should he go peering over my shoulder, as he is starting to do lately, he won't get more suspicious.

I'm sure everyone already understands, and thanks again for your concerns.

B

[Bob Jersey]

The visiting nurse and physical therapist are starting to wind down their involvement, and we're still working on what we should / can / want to do in the way of food and cooking.

He is still understandably bitter, tho not as much from missing mom as from just not being able to completely be in control. I still can't tell sometimes if he's doing something intentionally wrong just to elicit comments from us which he will only criticize. Yet, he has enough confidence to go up and down stairs that he is back to consistently sleeping (with fewer issues) in his own bed upstairs, and actually went down to our cellar for the first time in... who knows, to find a mallet to help himself fix a kitchen chair the health care folks encouraged him to use (it's older than moi, and is the only one with arms; one of the under-seat rails was partially out of its attachment to one of the legs, making the thing not set completely flat).

The hearing devices are a bonafide smash, but he feels he can still choose when and for how long to wear them, and he did make his kids all freak out when he used the part of that multi-tool they provide with them that picks the wax out of the earpieces for something else, apparently thinking that opening the part where each device's battery is stored required it as well (uh, no).

Next obstacle: getting him to the ophthalmologist.

B