Jokes!!!!!!!!!!
Bronte
ye roz ye khanomi me ravad peash doktor,
zan;doktor shoharam baray man kafi neast
doktor;khob ye dost pesar begheren
zan;an ham kafi neast
doktor;dou ta dost pesar begheren
zan;an ham kafi neast
doktor; seta dost pesar begheren
zan;an ham kafi neast
doktor khob dar khiaban chand naffar peyda konid
zan; an ham kafi neast
dar in mogheh doktor asabany me shavad a meghoyad khanom shoma marez
hastin
zan;doktor in ra beneves chon madar shoharam feker me konad man JENDEH
HASTAM.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After many years abroad this guy calls his old neighbour in Tehran:
- "chetori?"
- "khubim, migzareh."
- "bAbA mAmAnet chetoran?"
- "unAm khuban, salAm miresunan."
- "AbohavA chetoreh?"
- "AbohavA ke kheyli kharAbe."
- "rAsti kharAb, khAharet chetoreh?"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ye pesarbacheh koochooloo ba ye dokhtarbacheh ham
sennosAle khodesh too koocheh bAzee mikardeh.
dokhtararo mibareh sare koocheh, migeh:
- "meekhAy oonjAyee ke man khatneh shodam bebeenee?"
- "Areh, bebinam."
- "oonAhA, oonvareh khiyAboon, too oon bimArestAne."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeh rooz yeh mardeh zood mireh khooneh va mibineh keh yeh martikeh zireh
takhteh khab ghayem shodeh. Az zanesh miporseh azizam in martikeh zir
takht chikar mikoneh ?
Zanesh migeh : zireh takht nemidoonam chikar mikoneh vali rooyeh takht
ghogha mikoneh ".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AqAye dastodelbAz xune misAxte. baEd az in ke tamum miSe, miAd bA
meEmAr hesAb ketAb kone:
- xob ceqadr bedam?
- 1,000,000 toman.
- biA in 500,000 toman.
- e, cerA 500,000 toman? man kolli xAk o gac o simAn xordam.
- xob pas miSe 400,000 toman.
- cerA kam Sod?
- vAse inke man un xAk o gac o simAni ke xordi hesAb nakarde budam.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ye rashti tooye khiaboon rah meerafe, yek pooste moz meebeeneh. be
khodesh meegeh: Bah, baz ke bayad bokhoreem zameen?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yaroo miAd bere sare Ghabre Amoosh. Har chi migarde GOL gir
nemiAre. Be jAsh 2 ta KOMPOTT mibare !!!!!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Ye aghaee meere Darookhaneh sare kooche keh capoot bekhareh,
Mirza: Aghay Doctor bebakhsheed yek capoot meekhastam.
Dr: Bah che agab A-mirza khabar mabareeye emshab.
Mirza: Khob are Doctor joon ma ham Adameem deegeh.
Dr: Chera keh nah A-mirza een ham yek kapoot. Khosh begzareh.
10 dagheegheh bad A-mirza bar meegardeh beh darookhaneh,
Mirza: Aghay Doctor 3 ta deegeh ham bedeh.
Dr, (Taagob zadeh): Chee shodeh A-mirza kheelee energy peyda kardee.
Mirza: Na baba aghaye Doctor 3 ta az doosthaye ghadeemee sar zadeh
oomadand
keh shab bemoonand.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
amalehA dAshtan sare ye sAkhtemune nimesAz dar tabagheye davAzdahom kAr
mikardan. yeki miyAd az pAyin dAd mizaneh: "ghazanfar, ghazanfar, zanet
az
tabagheye sevvom oftAdeh tu khiyAbun, mordeh".
dAhAtiye un bAlA shoru mikoneh tu sareh khodesh zadan va mesle bargh
davAzdah
tabagharo miyAd pAyin. mippare ru motoresh va mireh tarafeh khonash.
vasateh
rAh pishe khodesh fekr mikoneh: - e mA ke tabagheye sevvom nemishinim.
vali ahhammiyat nemideh va rAhesho edAmeh mideh.
chand daghigheh baad fekr mikoneh: - e man ke zan nadAram.
bAzam edameh mideh. chand daghigheh digeh fekr mikoneh:
- zekki, asan esme man ke ghazanfar nist.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
After the war with Iraq a radio reporter had an interview with a AbAdAni
prisoner of war (POW). The reporter asks the AbAdAni " What did the
Iraqies do to yo?"
The abAdAni answers:
Volak mA ro Shekanjeye roohi dAdan. mA ro basteh boodan beh sandali
jelomoon
zire pAshoon eynakAye Raybano khoord mikardan.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Three sharks are swimming in the waters of AbAdAn and are having a great
time together. One spots an AbAdAni and eats him!
The next day, the other two notice that he doesn't hang around with them
any-
more and is swiming all alone.
So, they ask him as to why he is ignoring them. He responds:
"Volek, khodesh baa mo sohbat nakonin digeh. Mo digeh kooseh nistom.
Mo Nahangom!"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
ye bAbAyee too bAzAr rah mirafteh va hey pert pert koochooloo koochooloo
migoozideh. az jeloye shaaboon beemoch ke rad misheh yedafeh shaaboon ye
goozeh gholombeh mideh, beh marde migeh:
"dAdAsh ghorboone dasset, mitoonee eeno khoordesh konee?"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was this Esfahani women who had married for a week. They asked her
about how she had liked her husband. She answered:
Volla, Haghighetesh Ghameteshoon khoob bood amA EsteghAmeteshoon na
chandoon.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
yeh shabi chand-ta dozd yeh khoonei ra yavashaki darash ra vaz
meekonand va varede mehmankhaneh meeshavand va shoroo mikonand be
dozdidan.
vaqti ke kareshan dasht tamom meeshod va amadeh boodan keh bezanan
beran
yehdafeh sahab khooneh ye sedahai meeshnaveh va beedar meesheh ke
bebineh
che khabareh. ta sahab khooneh boland meesheh een chaharta dozda
sedayash
ra meeshenavand va shoroo be farar meekonand. sahabeh meead meebeeneh
ke
tamomeh khoonash ra be ham zadan-o assabauni meesheh-o meereh be
donbale
dozdha...meere beeroon toye hayatesh meebeeneh keh hamashoon daran
farar
meekonand..........sahabe khooneh daud meezaneh meegeh "AHUY KOREH
KHAR,
KOJA DARI MEERI?!!!".......ye dafeh yeki az dozdha vauy meeesseh va
bar
meegardeh be doostash meegeh "Bachehah shomaha berin, oon mano
shenakht."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
:ye yAru ye tuti miAre bAzAr befruSe. maEreke migire, be mardom
:mige: "in tuti candin zabAne beynolmelali balade. pAye rAsteSo bekeSi,
:ingilisi harf mizane, pAye capeSo bekeSi, farAnsavi harf mizane."
:ye nafar az tuye jamE miporse: "age dotA pAhASo bekeSi ci?"
:tutiye mige: "xob mixoram zamin, olAq."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jang nadideh: "AghA shomA dar jang - emdAdeh gheybee - nadideen?"
az jang bargashteh: "baleh keh dideem. yedafeh rooyeh ye tappeh ye
goroohe
emdAdee bood, ye bomb oftAd roo tappeh,
hamashoon gheyb shodan."
jang nadideh: "AghA shoma dar jang eesAr ham kardin?"
az jang bargashteh: "vAllAh eesA nakardim. vali ye moosA koochikeh bood
mA
baazivaghtA mikardim."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
ye torke be jorme inke ye zany ro koshte boude migiran va mibarn
kalantari, re'ise polis ro mikone be torke va mige , " martike divane,to
vaghti ke dashti in zano mikoshti, be nedaaye vojdanat goush nadaadi?"
torke: agaye re'is , in zanika az bas ki saro sida kard , ma neda medaee
nafahmidim".
---------------------------------------------------------------------
avvali: "salAm, hAlet cetoreh?"
dovvomi: "tAzeh moketeS kardam."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Yek rooz yek turk-e jib-e shalvaresh sorakh bodeh. dastesh ra mikoneh to
jibesh va dastesh mikhoreh be chizesh. bad be khodesh migeh, in
chiz-e khar-ra ki to jibam gozashteh.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ye jAhele mireh khAstegAree. Be pedar mAdare aroos migeh: "man bAyad bA
aroos
tanhA sohbat konam."
dotAyishoono mifrestan tooye ye otAgh. jAhele k*resho darmiyAreh migeh:
"een chiyeh?"
Dokhtareh migeh: "khob k*reh digeh."
Jahele migeh: "ey patiyAreh, to hatman kheylee az eenA didee ke ye zarb
midoonee chiyeh."
az dokhtare khoshesh nemiyAd va mireh khAstegAriyeh yekee digeh. dobAreh
k*resho dar miyareh migeh: "een chiyeh?"
dokhtareh migeh: "k*r"
jAhele dobAre asabAnee misheh: "jendeh, pas tA hAlA kheylee az eenA
deedee."
dar khAstegariyee sevom dobAreh miporseh: "enn chiyeh?"
dokhtareh migeh: "doodooleh"
jAhele khoshesh miyAd va fekr mikoneh ke enn hAlA dar doran bachegee ye
cheeze
sheneedeh va kholAseh Akharesh aroosee mikonan.
shabe aroosee miran too otAgh khAb. jAhele lebAsasho dar miyAreh locht
vAmisteh jeloye aroos migeh: "bebeen, to mogheike bacheh boodee shenidee
ke be
een migan doodool, valee hAlA ke digeh aroosee kardim esmesho behet
migam.
een k*reh."
dokhtare migeh: "bah pas to tA hAlA k*r hesAbee nadidee, een doodooleh."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
se nafar mixAstan hokm bAzi konan pAye cAhArom nadAStan. yekiSun migeh:
"asqar boro sare kuceh, bebin kesiro peydA mikoni."
asqare mireh dame panjereh, mibineh yeki vAssAdeh sare cArrA, ye dasseSam
tu
jibe SalvAreSe. dAd mizaneh: "AqA, bAzi mikoni?"
migeh: "na bAbA, dAram mixArunam."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ye turke mireh sAndevicforuSi migeh:
- "ye sAndevice sosis bedeh boxorim!"
foruSandeh migeh:
- "bebinam to turki?"
- "az kojA fahmidi?"
- "xob az lahjat maElumeh digeh."
turke asabAni miSeh mireh birun. SoruE mikoneh tamrin kardan ke lahjaSo
az
dast bedeh. baad az se sAl tamrine SabAneruz belaxare lahjaSo dorost
mikoneh
va dobareh mireh tu hamun maqAzehe, migeh:
- "ye sAndevice sosis bedeh boxorim!"
- "bebinam to turki?"
- "hAlA digeh az kojA fahmidi?"
- "axe injA pArce foruSiye marde hesAbi."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yek rooz yeh Rashtieh bA Zanesh SavAr Otoboos myshan. Ja Nabood,
Rashtieh majboor myshe bereh Taheh otoboos Va Zanesh mishineh Jello
Besheh yek Mardy.
Bad az chand daghygeh, otoboos myreh tu chaleh, va zaneh pash mikhoreh be
mardeh
yek chaleh digeh o dastesh mikhoreh be mardeh.... Bel-Akhareh mireh
mishineh ru baghal martykeh.
Otoboos tasadof mikoneh Va hameh pakhsh mishan. Rashtieh dar be dar
donbal zanesh migardeh o yek-ho mibineh Balleh mardeh o zaned sakht
mashgolan be bokon bokon...
Mizaneh to saresh o mygeh: Azizam shanse Avordy to Cheshment Naraft
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ye r*e dame marg az zaneS miporse: "zan jAn hAlA ke mA dArim mimirim,
begu
binim to tu omret be man xiyAnat
kardi?"
zaneS deleS be hAleS misuze va fekr mikoneh, in digeh dame marge bezAr
rAsteSo
begam. migeh:
- "yAdeteh to mixAsti beri tu time futbAl sarparaste tim rAt nemidAd,
baEd rAt dAd?"
- "yAdeteh rafti tu tim morabbiye hamaS mizAStet zApAs va nemizASt bAzi
koni,
baEd gozASt?"
- "yAdeteh sare bAzi hiSki behet pAs nemidAd, baEd hame behet pAs
midAdan?"
- "yAdeteh hiSki taSviqet nemikard, baEd hame taSviqet mikardan?"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Another guy from the same city drives to Tehran, and gets into
accident. Tehrooni, comes out of the car and start his usual
greating when they get into accident
"man madareto folan folan, khahareto folan folan, zaneto ..."
"aghA jAn, mA yeh tasAdof kardim. shomA halA chegadeh shahvaty
shodin?!"
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeh rooz yeh turist-e amricaii mireh Ghazvin o mibine hame-ye mard-ha
lokht shodan dar meydan-e shahr va moamele-shan ro sikh kardan roo be
hava. Az yeki miporseh "agha, inja cheh khabareh?
Agha migeh:"Emrooz gharareh az asmoon chatrbaz beshineh zamin.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye pesar baceh cand kilometriye xunaSun neSasteh budeh bAlAye deraxt.
mibineh barAdar bozorgaS bA motoreS va ye doxtare xoSgel tarke motoreS
miyAn dame deraxt piyAdeh miSan.
barAdare be doxtare migeh: "midi?"
doxtare migeh: "na."
barAdaram savAre motor miSeh, migeh: "pas ceSmet kur, piyAdeh boro
xuneh."
fardA dobAre pesar bacehe neSasteh budeh bAlAye hamun deraxt. barAdare bA
ye doxtare xoSgele digeh miyAd. piyAdah miSan va be doxtare migeh:
"midi?"
doxtare migeh: "na."
unam dobAreh savAre motor miSeh, migeh: "pas ceSmet kur, piyAdeh boro
xuneh."
pesar kuculuhe fardAS doxtarbaceye hamsAyaSuno savAre secarxaS mikoneh,
miyAreh
dame deraxt. piyAdeh miSan, beheS migeh: "midi?"
doxtar bacehe migeh: "ci?"
pesar bacehe ye xurde fekr mikoneh, secarxaSo mideh be doxtare, migeh:
"pas ceSmam kur, piyAdeh miram xuneh."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye jahel , ye bache khoshgelo mibare ke tartibesho bede, sare rah be
bache mige ," Fari " joun , ye toke pa berim to kafe " ofogh talaee ",
ye chizi bokhorim, .
miran to kafe va yarou jahel-e , aragh , mast-o-khiar, va ,va va va....
order mideh, miaran..
jahel-e aragho mirize, va mige : Fari joun bezan be salamati, ;
Fari mige : bebakhshid man aragh nemikhoram, .
jahel-e araghesho mikhore va masto khiar-o taarof mikone , baz Fari mige
man nemikhoram.,,
yarou jahel-e ye negahi behesh mikone , va mige: Fari joun " aragh
nemikhorimo, mast nemikhorimo ,va va va nemikhorimo, koun nemidimo
in harfa nadarima ........
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye dokhtar irouni ke taze ye namzad amrikaee be esme "Bill " kardeh
boud ., do nafari neshasteh boudan va dashtan shaam mikhordan ke
madare dokhtare az tehroun zang mizane,
dokhtare: alo alo maman toee?
madare: areh azizam , chetori khoubi ??
dokhtare: areh maman .to chi?
madar : khoubam , chikar mikoni.?
dokhtare: maman daram ba bill ghaza mikhoram.
madare: elahi margam, bedeh madar , mage ghashogh nadari azizam.,?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye esfehani ke,ba ghatar az alman dashteh mirafteh tehran,ba ye
Otrishi ham koupe boudeh,va yarou otrishie ke vialon zan mash'houri
boudeh,daeman ba vialoneh tamrin mikardeh, .
moghe-e nahar ke mishe esfehani-e be yarou mige: shoma nahar
nemikhorin ??
otrishie: "" na , man inja tamrin , tehran konsert "
esfehani-e mire, va naharesho mikhore, va bar migardeh tou koupe.
va baz mibine ke yarou hanouz dare tamrin mikone. ta moghe-e sham
mishe, ke baz esfehani-e
miporse: shom shaam nemikhorin??.
otrishie:"" inja tamrin,, tehran konsert "" . esfehanie, ke az saro
sedaye
tamrin yarou khasteh shode boud, yedaffe, kiresho dar miareh, va
shorou mikon be jargh zadan.,, . Otrishie, az in kar esfehanie, be
ta'ajob , miporse : aga shoma chikar kard ??.
esfehanie: bandeh inja tamrin , tehran khar o madare shoma ra yeki kard.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye nafar az marz mirafte birun.
mamure gomrok azaS miporse: "bA ce arzi dAri miri?"
migeh: "bA arze maEzerat."
vaqti barmigarde, dobAre azaS miporseh: "bA ce arzi dAri miyAy?"
migeh: "bA arze erAdat."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
lAthAye sare kucheh dokhtarAye mahallaro kheyli aziyat mikardan. yeki az
dokhtarA digeh kofresh dar miAd va mireh ye sag bekhareh ke lAthA digeh
donbAlesh nayoftan.
dar parvareshgAhe heyvAnAt forushandeh migeh:
- "khAnum sag najesse, shomA biyA in meymuno bekhar, kArAte baladeh."
- "eh? chetorieh?"
- "hAlA ghashang nigAh kon!"
AghAhe be meymune migeh: "kArAte be sandali."
meymune mippare havA va bA ye zarb sandaliye AghAharo mishkaneh.
AghAhe dobAreh migeh: "kArAte be miz."
meymune mippare ru miz va bA ye zarb mizo dAghun mikoneh.
dokhtare meymuno mikhare va mibare khuneh. sare kucheh yeki az lAto luthA
behesh matalak migeh.
- "endafeh digeh movAzeb bAsh hA. in meymune man kArAtat mikoneh."
- "Areh arvA khikket, biyA kArAte be tokhmam."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
ye yAru mire mosAhebe barAye ye kAre motarjemi. beheS
migan: "SomA ce zabunhAyi baladin?"
mige: "man alefbAye fArsi ro xub baladam."
migan: "xob begu bebinim."
mige: "alef, be, pe, te, panj, SiS, haft, haSt, noh ..."
migan: "AqA rafti tu adadhA ke. qarAr Sod alefbAro begi.
hAlA dige ci baladi?"
mige: "man alefbAye ingilisi ram baladam."
migan: "xob begu bebinim."
mige: "ey, bi, si, di, panj, SiS, haft, haSt, noh ..."
migan: "na AqA SomA be darde mA nemixori, mA ye kesi ro
lAzem dArim ke zabAneS xub bAse."
mige: "extiyAr dArin, man SeEr ham baladam."
migan: "xob ye SeEr begu bebinim."
mige: "nAborde ranj, ganj, panj, SiS, haft ..."
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An answering machine message on the telephone of a teriyAki:
"hashtam vali khashtam...beep....."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
yek taryakee meereh ghahve-khaneh 10ta chayee meekhoreh. akhar sar yek
+magas az too kebreetesh dar meeyareh meendazeh too chayeesh va
ghahve-chee ro
seda meezaneh o meegeh "baba een sheeyeh too shaee mA?
ghahve-chee meegeh: agha bebakhsheed befarmaeed mehmoone man basheed.
shoma nemeekhad pool bedeed.
yek nafar keh meebeeneh taryakeeye che kalakee zad behesh meegeh:
Dadash ye magas-e ezafeh nadaree be ma bedee?
taryakeeye meegeh: na joone dadash. faghat yekee deegeh daram oonam
kheelee
goshnameh meekham beram yek deezee bokhoram
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye hendiye mire ye maqAze, qazAye sag bexare.
maqAzedAre mige: "mA injA be hendiyA qazAye sag nemifruSim."
hendiye nArAhat miSe, mige: "cerA?"
yAru mige: "con SomAhA mixAyn pul jamE konin va
qazAye sag migirin, xodetun mixorin."
yAru hendiye bicAre mire xune, sageSo miyAre, neSune yAru mide,
mige: "befarmAyin, inam sage man. qazAro vAseye in mixAm."
xolAse qazAye sago migire mibare. fardAs miyAd, qazAye gorbe
mixAd. dobAre maqAzedAre mige: "na, SomA hendiyA qazAye gorbe
migirin, xodetun mixorin."
dobAre yAru majbur miSe bere xune gorbaSo biyAre ke qazAye
gorbaro begire. fardAs dobAre miyAd tu maqAze bA ye pAkkat tu
dasseS. be maqAzedAre mige: "AqA, dasseto bokon intu."
mige: "cerA?"
mige: "to dasseto bokon intu, mibini."
yAru dasseSo mikone to pAkkat, ye xurde az mohtaviyAteS miyAre
birun, ye dafe dAd mizane: "ah ah ah, in ke ane."
mige: "bale. dastmAl tuAlet mixAstam."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye yAru mire doktor mige: "doktor jun in toxmhAye man ye juriyan."
doktor: "ce juriyan?"
yAru: "nemidunam, man nemitunam bacceye dorost hesAbi dorost konam."
doktore moAyenaS mikone, mibine ye toxmeS cubiye, yekiSam Ahaniye.
mige: "xob bA in toxmhA maElume ke nemituni bacce dorost koni."
yAru: "na, SodaneS ke miSeh."
doktor: "yaEni ci, miSe? mage bacce dAri?"
yAru: "baaaale, Pinocio manj sAleSe, Terminator haft sAleSe."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
a hamshahri goes to a khatm and like in any ceremony like
that he stays in the queue to go and say the last words
to saaheb azaa. when it becomes his turn to tell something
to saaheb azaa, he sees everybody has told something and
he doesn't remember a different thing. so he tell to the
saaheb azaa in his sweet accent: bebakhsid keh eishaan
marhoom shodand.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
a hamshahri goes to a KHATM ceremony. while being greeted
at the enterance by the SAHEB AZAA, looks around and asks
"MARHOOMO NEMIBINAM, KOJAA TASHRIF DAARAND?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
ye rouz rashtieh mire doktor va'
mige : a'aye dooktoor ma har kari mikoonim , zaneman ha'mele
nemishe , shooma lotfan ye kari bokonid.
doktore behesh mige : mahallato avaz kon !!!.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
ye yarou mire khoune rashtie , mibine ke rashtie zanesh
gozashteh tou yakhchal, azash
miporse : chera zaneto gozashti tou yakhchal ??
rashtie : valla , avaliro nazashtam, kharab shod !!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
torke mire daroukhaune, va az daroukhounechi
miporse : aahga Chapout dari ??
"" daroukhounechie ke mikhaste sarbesaresh bezare .....""
dar javabe torke mige : Chapout !!! Chapout chie ??
torke : eeeh , Chator namidoni Chapout chie, baba ? Chapout dige,
Chapout chi sari Chir michash .
daroukhounechi : Chapout !! Chir !! Chapout chie ?, Chir chie ?
torke : magee mishi, aaah, baba, Chaaapout, chi sari Chir michashan
bash Chos michonan ???
daroukhounechi : Chapout !! Chir !! Chos !! na nemidounam chi migi.
""torke ke dige az koureh dar rafteh boud ""
mige : "" hala chi namidouni, Chapout chie , Chir chie, Chos chie,
Chiram ba Chapout ya be Chapout to Chose nanat.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Top 10 hits of Dariush
________________________
( be monAsebate Albome jadid "nAlehAye del" )
10) dard o zajr o babdaxti
9) Axarin nafas
8) amAn az in jodAyi
7) nane man qaribam
6) vAy dAram xundamAq miSam
5) yAde qorbat
4) delam gerefte mixAm ...
3) bavAsil
2) qesseye dallAk o abujahl
1) zigile zire baqal
gerye konin mosalmunAAAAAA ...
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ye pesare telofon mikone be mAdarbozorgeS:
- alo, mAmAnbozorg, un tutiye ke barAt ferestAdam resid?
- tutiye? AhAn, Areh nane, resid. fesenjuneS kardam,
ceqadr ham xoSmaze bud, dastet dard nakone nane.
- e? fesenjuneS kardi? mAmAnbozorg, in tutiye xordani
nabud ke, in harf mizad, panj tA zabun balad bud.
- rAst migi mAdar? pas cerA vaqti mikoStameS hicci nagoft?
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torke khAbeedeh bood vasate joob azash porsidan cherA injA khAbeedi
goft mikhAm dar jaryAn bAsham.
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se tA bacce dAStan az bAbAhASun taErif mikardan:
avvali: "bAbAye man qAziye, 50000 toman
migire qAnun ejrA mikone."
dovvomi: "bAbAye man vakil e majlese, 100000 toman
migire, ye qAnun _dorost_ mikone."
sevvomi: "bAbAye man pAsebAne, 5 toman migire,
mirine be qAnun e bAbAye joftetun."
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do tA taryAki neSaste budan sare manqal, ye bast taryAkam biStar
nadAStan.
yekiSun ye poke amiq mizane, un yeki mibine oho ce SirmardAne pok zad.
azaS miporse: "aSqar, SoltAne jangal kiye?", un yeki javAb nemide.
dobAre miporse: "e? aSqar, migam SoltAne jangal kiye?"
refiqeS xodeSo jam o jur mikone, mige: "babr."
ye cand daqiqe baEd yAru tAze hAliS miSe, beheS mige:
- "aSqar, Soltane jangal Sire, cerA gofti babr?"
mige: "Axe age migoftam Sir, hame dudA miyomad birun."
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pesare AqAye dastodelbAz mire AmrikA dars bexune.
baEd az SiS sAl barmigarde. xunevAdaS miAn forudgAh
bebaraneS xune. mibine barAdar kucikaS ce riSe bolandi
gozASte, mige: "bah bah, ce riSi, to ham dige mard Sodi."
miran xune, barAdar bozorgaS miAd, riSeS tA dame nAfeS.
mige: "e? to ham ke riSet dAre mirese be zAnuhAt."
AqAye dastodelbAz miAd, unam bA ye riSe nim metri.
pesare mige: "mesle inke injA riSe boland
mod Sode, SomAhA hame riS dArin".
mAmAneS mige: "naxeyr junammarg Sode, to ke rafti AmrikA
riStarASam bardASti bA xodet bordi."
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Question: What do QazvinihA say to each other at Naw Ruz?
Answer: AIDS-e shomA mobArak!!!!!
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This gentleman from a northern province was standing on the railroad
tracks and signaling with a torch very hard. The engineer somehow
managed to stop the train before it hit him!
`What is going on?' the engineer shouted. `Any danger up there?'
`No! I just wanted to know if you are interested in buying an
"Oozoonbooroon" from me'
`You son of a bitch bas###% &&*^%(&& &^%+)_)_((*&^%%&*)*&)&))*&&^!!
run for your life NOW!'
The gentleman from that northern province running very fast: `Hold
your temper brother, keep your cool! I have not even caught the
"Oozoonbooroon yet!'.
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Seyyed, JR and Ablah are sitting in a "qahvexuneh".
Seyyed to JR: "Who's your father's son, who's not your brother?"
JR after thinking a few minutes: "Well, it's me".
Ablah thinks "Wow, that was a good question". He walks out and looks for
someone to ask him the question. He meets AbuJahl.
Ablah: "Who's your father's son, who's not your brother?"
AbuJahl the cleverest of all, says: "Wait a minute." He runs to school
and
asks his mate Zafar: "Who's your father's son, who's not your brother?"
Zafar: "Well, it's me, of course".
AbuJahl runs back to Ablah and says: "I know the answer now, it's Zafar".
Ablah, disappointed: "No, you idiot, it's JR."
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In old days when people used to use public bath for washing, shaving
etc.. therewas a Tuti next to the shaving room and he used to say
(naboree-ha, naboree-ha).
One day the sells the bath to someone who wanted to have it for female
bath
(Hmame-zananeh) and he sells the Tuti with it.
The next day Tutee who didn't know anything about this change his saying
and this time he says,
Deedee Boreedee, Deedee Boreedee
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"" farhang loghaate,Farsi be Rashti ""
midounin rashtia be bache aval chi migan ?
" hedih doustan "
bache dovom ??
" baz doustan maro khejalat dadan "
bache sevom ???
" bacheha motshakerim "
mosalsal = haydar
bache gorbeh=nimkat
maydan 24 esfand= 6 rouz mandeh be Aid.
pepsi= asebani chaee
keshti= tashkhis
shamshir = tou del boro
hammam= pakestan
masjed= afghanestan
towalet= zorkhane enfradi
laaye paye Shah= shahla
minibous= kaalbus
bademjan= azaa daar khiar
maydan valiahd= paykan place
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dar hasrat e didAr e to AvAre tarinam
har cand ke tA kalleye bimuye to ham fAselei nist
abr o bAd o meh o xorSid o falak dar kArand
asqar o zohre o mahmud o hamid bikArand
yeki az bozorgAn e ahl e tamiz
foru kard angoSt e xod dar piriz
xoSA SirAz o vasf e bi mesAlaS
agar xAne nadAri bi xiyAlaS
hamco ney minAlam az sodAye del
karde bikAri marA xeyli xejel
ey ze xorSid e jamAlat mAh rA Sarmandei
xod begu Axar barAye bande Sod in zendegi?
sobh dam azme caman kon tA havA moEtadel ast
lik sad heyf ke bArAn zade o kuce gel ast
ruzi ze sar e sang oqAbi be havA xAst
az ruye havA did zamin mahSar e kobrAst
dustAn Sarh e pariSAniye man guS konid
moqeE e xAb cerAqo hame xAmuS konid
yeki rA co dar band bini maxand
boro bandeSo seft o mohkam beband
Sabi yAd dAram ke ceSmam naxoft
ke hamsAye mizad barAm buq e moft
mayAzAr muri ke dAnekeS ast
ke yekho didi lAte cAqukeS ast
basi ranj bordam dar in sAle si
nadidam kokAin be in xAlesi
guyand marA co zAd mAdar
pestAn be dahan maSdi qazanfar
SabhA bar e gAhvAreye man
SASid o gozASt gardane man
ey sArebAn Aheste rAn kArAm jAnam miravad
Aheste dar jib e bAbAm dast e mAmAnam miravad
mayAzAr muri ke dAnekeS ast
ke haftir dArad o haftirkeS ast
duS didam ke malAek dare meyxAne zadand
sar e afrAd e kacal ra fer e SeS mAhe zadand
guyand marA co zAd mAdar
pestAne Madonna bud behtar
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Mulla was hammering a nail onto a wall. However, since he had the
nail upside down, the nail wasn't going in. So he complains to
his wife:
"The damn blacksmith (Ahangar) built this nail upside down."
His wife shakes her head and said: "No dummy. He didn't build upside
down. It's made for the OTHER side of the wall."
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One night Mulla's wife wakes him up.
"Honey, didn't you say that thieves wear namadi (1) shoes so you can't
hear them when they break into your house?"
"Yes."
"Well, I think there is a burglar in the house."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because I can't hear anything. So he must be wearing namadi shoes."
Footnote: Namad is a fuzzy material similar to the covering of a tennis
ball.
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One night Mulla goes home, looking very happy. So his wife
inquires about his day and Mulla boastfully says:
"You can't believe what an amazing stunt I pulled today. I went to
the market and bought 200 eggs for a dinAr each. I took them to my
shop. Cleaned them, dried them, painted pretty pictures on them,
and sold them for half a dinAr each."
Not to be outdone, his wife also boasts:
"You know that milkman that we sell our goats' milk to? Well, I swindled
him out of his precious money alright."
"How did you do that?"
"When he was measuring the jug of milk on his scale, I told him to look
behind him, and when he did, I took off my gold bracelet very quickly
and dropped it in the jug. It must have weighted half a 'man'!"
Mulla sighs with satisfaction and takes his wife's hand.
"With the economic genious of you and me, it won't be long before we'll
be
filthy rich..."
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yek esfehAni goes to London and before going there, they advise him
that everything is very expensive, be sure to bargain and don't
pay full price!
He is in London and walking in the street, suddenly it rains, so
he walk to store to buy an umbrella.
" Excuse me sir, how much is this umbrella? "
" It is $16 "
" can I have for $8 ? "
since the store was khalvat with no customer so the salesman say
" It is yours for $8 "
" Then how about $4 ? "
the salesman says to himself ,lets see how pur roo is this guy and
says
"Yes, you can have for $4"
" Then how about $2 ?"
" It is yours sir. Take it! Take it "
" How about $1 ?"
suddenly rain is puring so store gets busy and esfehAni is still
bargaining
and salesman gets upset and says,
" Sir, It is yours, FREE , just take it and leave "
EsfehAni with a smile on his face suddenly says; " Can I have TWO
"
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What does a RASHTI call a women's breast?
................."Jangal" (forest)!
.........................you know why?
.............................'cause there are lots "SHIR" (milk)
in them!!
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