The problem here is with the order of quantifiers. (Quantifiers being
"for every/all" and "there exists".)
Spelling it out, for (1) it would be clearest and I think most natural
to say:
(1) For every positive real number e, there exists a real number
smaller than e.
The fact that e/2 is such a real number provides a proof of (1), and I
would prefer to see this separately from the statement (1) itself.
After all, there are many other such numbers, and the choice of e/2 is
nothing special, and does not need to be highlighted as you have done.
However, the main point here is that in (1) the intention is we FIRST
choose the number e, and THEN (once e is fixed) get to choose another
number which is smaller than e, e.g. e/2. This could also be argued out
rather verbosely as:
"Let e be any positive real number. Then we see that e/2 is also a
positive real number, and e/2 < e. Hence for every positive real
number, there exists another positive real number smaller than that number."
OK, that's a bit long winded, but the point is at least it makes clear
the order of choices to be made: first choose e, THEN (based on this
choice) we get to choose a smaller number.
The problem with your wording for (1) is that it does not respect this
ordering, and requires the reader to jump forwards and backwards within
the sentence to (hopefully) work out what's going on. Reading in the
natural order, the reader first encounters "there exists e/2", but this
is not yet in a context where e has been introduced or explained, so
it's encouraging the reader to think this is the FIRST choice being
made, not a second (dependent) choice. In fact, I would just say NEVER
word it this way! (I don't think any maths book author would do so.)
The wording of your (2) is OK, because the order of quantification is
clear, it being in the order naturally encountered during reading of the
sentence.
Moving away from english wording, another approach could be to write (1)
and (2) in more formal symbolic language, e.g. perhaps
(1) Ax: (x in R & x>0 --> Ey: (y in R & y>0 & y<x))
(2) Not (Ey: y in R & y>0 & Ax: (x in R & x>0 --> y<x))
Or more simply if it is understood we are only considering positive reals:
(1) Ax: (Ey: (y<x))
(2) Not (Ey: (Ax: (y<x))
Ax: is my ASCII notation for "for all x", and is properly written with
an upside down A. Similarly Ey is "there exists y" and should be a
backwards E (reflected left/right).
The symbolic formulas make absolutely clear the order of
quantifications, due to the bracketing etc. but often this would be
considered overkill, and English is fine as long as the quantification
order is made clear. Often a combination of symbols like Ax: is used in
conjunction with less formal English wording, to get something
reasonably concise/clear, while still remaining reasonably natural to read.
For reading material, I think any introductory book on e.g. Real
Analysis has to deal with this issue over and over again, so see how
they do it, and you'll soon get used to the conventional wordings employed.
Mike.