[JP] Lt. Cmdr. Skyfire & Lt. Uzoamaka - Revelations 94.01 (Part II)

[Quinn Reynolds]

((Gym, USS Gorkon))

::The psychiatrist looked thoughtful, her eyes drifting away from him as she considered how to respond. Then she nodded to herself, and looked back toward him as she spoke.::

Uzoamaka: Well, let's say you had a patient who needed treatment. But they don't like doctors, and they've recently been through a procedure that went wrong and left them in pain. They don't want your help, but you know that they need it. What would you do?

::Chythar was silent for a long moment, Devlin licking his face again. He tried to place himself in a mindset where this would be necessary as opposed to the anger-filled haze he was seeing now.::

Skyfire: Attempt to put them at ease via talking and describing some of my own experiences which went horribly wrong but turned out fine? ::He was trying to envision the scenario, and it sounded better in his head.::

Uzoamaka: So you'd try to help them see you as a person, rather than just another doctor?

Skyfire: Yes. It makes sense in my head, at least.

::She didn't respond immediately, though her focus didn't waver from him. Then she took a breath and smiled.::

Uzoamaka: You know, one of the reasons that I joined Starfleet was to feel normal -- not that I admitted that for a very long time. I'm three-quarters Betazoid, I was born on Betazed, grew up on Betazed, and yet I'm as telepathic and empathic as the average rock. Something to do with my combination of Human and Betazoid genetics.

::She paused, gathering her thoughts.::

Uzoamaka: Back home, I was disabled. A telepathic deaf-mute. And sometimes I wonder if I haven't just run away from the problem, rather than tackling it. It took me a long time to realise that even when I don't have to deal with it, it's still on my mind. I never planned to become a psychiatrist, yet isn't it strange how the person who can't hear the inner workings of someone's mind chooses a career focused entirely around just that?

Stripey: oO Lucky you. A second disabled Betazoid. Just like Sal. Oo

Skyfire: oO Shut up. Oo Then it’s probably a good thing I’m talking to you rather than someone who can actually hear Stripey. ::He paused for a moment and took another breath.:: PTSD-induced figment of my imagination I’m on medication to muzzle.

Uzoamaka: I imagine he's not very complimentary. ::She smiled, softening the words.::

::To that, there was a faint nod of agreement followed by another timely interruption by Devlin to lick CD’s face, again. Chythar gave him a gentle scritching between the ears before answering.::

Skyfire: He’s a nuisance. oO And so are you. Oo Anyways...you were saying…? 

::She paused before she answered, glancing down for just a moment, her smile a little awkward.:: 

Uzoamaka: That I'm a person, with her own unique problems and flaws. But a doctor, like you, who cares about her patients and only wants to help and see them well.

Skyfire: Right. ::He still felt bitter, and was trying very hard to stay civil. The anger was still there, dully throbbing like the onset of a migraine. Yet, his desire to injure Izzy wasn’t as strong as it was when she started this conversation for some reason he couldn’t identify.:: Next question?

Uzoamaka: Why don't you ask me one?

Skyfire: So now that we’ve talked about that little anger source...next is...the counselor thing?

Uzoamaka: If you like.

Skyfire: Unless there’s anything else you feel needs to be addressed with the last issue… 

::He blew a strand of hair from his face in frustration before finally just brushing it behind his ear, waiting to see if she would continue that answer or let it drop to move onto the next::.

Uzoamaka: Do you?

Skyfire: Not particularly. ::He paused and leaned into another face-lick from the beagle before meeting her gaze again. He hated counselors.:: Next subject, then. Counselors.

Uzoamaka: Alright. The revolving door, you called it. 

::She paused, reaching into a pocket for a small, slim PADD. She tapped a few buttons, her eyes darting across the information provided, and then looked back toward him.::

Uzoamaka: By my count, you've served under seven captains -- another revolving door. Why do you hate counsellors, but not commanding officers?

Skyfire: ::He sighed again, and took a moment to phrase it in his mind before saying it aloud.:: I actually liked the captains, and I think...no. I haven’t had any captains I’ve hated; I wasn’t overly fond of Flt Capt Nicholotti even before my first accident, but I didn’t hate her as a CO. Explaining my circumstances about my gift to those I’ve served under isn’t as much of a chore as explaining it to another counselor. Every time I get used to a counselor, Brass interferes and transfers them, or transfers me because they think it’s funny. Counselors...they just rub me the wrong way.

Uzoamaka: ::She nodded, her voice gentle.:: I'm just trying to understand why. 

::Devlin licked CD’s face again. The doc ran a hand through his hair and shrugged.::

Skyfire: Captains don’t try to get inside my head. Counselors do. It bothers me. Especially when I have no rapport with them. Two counselors had put a lot of effort into helping me learn to trust them, and it was all recently undone. Explaining my abilities to a new counselor is just...tedium.

Uzoamaka: So it's not so much that there's been several of them, but that you don't like the feeling of opening up to someone new?

Skyfire: I guess. Mandatory counseling sessions are required to continue serving in Starfleet, unfortunately. Captains...most haven’t asked about my abilities and it usually doesn’t come up until after we’ve served together a while. It’s nice when I don’t have to explain the accidents to a new face.

Uzoamaka: ::She nodded.:: Are the accidents themselves still bothering you?

::All the questions...counsellors enjoyed being nosy. It was necessary. And he had already admitted to dodging the staff. oO Damn nosy busy-bodies. Starfleet must get a kick out of sending them to plague me… Oo he thought bitterly.::

Skyfire: No. I’ve accepted the consequences and my ratings as a result. ::He considered for a moment before proceeding, as though debating whether to tell her that piece of information.:: Just counselors…

Uzoamaka: Well… ::She paused for a moment, considering her words.:: That attitude's neither healthy nor acceptable, especially for a chief medical officer. You're going to have to get over it.

Skyfire: I know. Any suggestions on how to?

::Now, he was getting frustrated again. Still, just changing his attitude over night was not going to happen. These things took time, and “getting over it”, as she’d put it, was easier said than done. As much as the idea pained him, asking for advice on something this...was it trivial? No...dumb, yes….seemed more trying than breaking a new counselor in.::

Uzoamaka: It's something we can work on, it's not going to happen overnight. ::She offered him a kind smile.:: My guess -- and tell me if I'm wrong -- is that your dislike of opening up to people isn't just limited to counsellors, it's just that we're unavoidable if you're serving in Starfleet. ::She paused, following the line of logic to the next question.:: Do you have many close friends?

Skyfire: A few. Two former counselors currently in different sectors, and a few friends here on the Gorkon, which I can count on one hand.

Uzoamaka: And if something's troubling you, do you go them to talk about it? Or do you try to deal with it on your own?

Skyfire: Sometimes both. Depends on what it is. The...this mess with Shira I’ve talked with almost all my friends here. Still trying to work through the rest… oO And here I am talking to yet another counselor. Grrr. Oo

Uzoamaka: ::She nodded, her voice mild as she made her next comment.:: I find it interesting that despite your distaste of counsellors, you count two of them as friends.

Skyfire: They’re like family. I adopted them over time. None of the others I’ve seen have even come close to building that level of trust. 

::She was doing the “I find it interesting” thing, which to Chythar was more than just a little annoying. Then again, part of the job. If he needed an additional output for the rising level of frustration, the punching bag was nearby. It was tempting. Very tempting.::

Uzoamaka: Alright. Then I'm curious as to what reason you have to mistrust me, personally.

::That stopped him. She found him during off-hours, which while that act wasn’t in of itself enough of an act to cause mistrust, it was somewhat unnerving. Other than that, he supposed he didn’t really have a reason. If he did, it was a dumb one he needed to get over.::

Skyfire:  None, I suppose...besides your profession of a counselor.

Uzoamaka: I'm a doctor, and a health professional, like you. I just have a different speciality.

::He nodded slightly and attempted to view it without the bias, though as she had previously stated it would take time to alter his perception. Devlin gave him another lick to the face as he tried to help.::

Skyfire: Right.

Uzoamaka: So would you agree that it's fair to say that there's nothing inherently untrustworthy about the counselling profession?

Skyfire: oO I hate it when they do that. Oo Yes.

Uzoamaka: ::She smiled, a sympathetic expression as she explained.:: I'm not trying to trick you or be patronising, I just want to make you pause and think, rather than just feel. You *know* there's no real reason to hate counsellors or mistrust the profession, but that's what you *feel* -- so it seems to me that what we need to do is to get your heart to listen to your head. Does that sound about right?

Stripey: oO Grrrr… Oo 

::Even when muzzled, there  were still times he argued with himself. It almost made him question of he could continue functioning in Starfleet, but was certain he’d have been drummed out long ago if that was truly the case.::

Skyfire: Yes. oO Shut up. Oo 

::She looked at him for a long moment, her coal gaze evaluating and thoughtful.::

Uzoamaka: Does anything else make you this angry?

::He paused to consider for a long moment. The only other thing that came to mind was Stripey, but that was a PTSD-induced reaction, he was sure.::

Skyfire: Just Stripey.

Uzoamaka: What is it about him that makes you feel that way?

Skyfire: Seems like I’m arguing with myself a lot. Not as much as I used to, but...I’m fairly certain he came into existence as a result of my initial accident in 2391 aboard the Excalibur.

::He couldn’t prove it, but that was about when he started having arguments with himself. Granted, he was in a drug-induced haze at the time, but still...it seemed like the timing fit. Though for the life of him, he didn’t see how the two were related.::

Uzoamaka: Could you describe him to me? What is like?

Skyfire: ::He took a deep breath and Devlin settled in his lap like a mini throw rug, being comforting and calm.:: When he first appeared, he was me with an ensign pip. I was at the time ranked as a lieutenant JG. He formed an initial theory about the onset of my gifts.  Over time, he began to take on the form of a pink and purple...cheshire cat from a Terran story called Alice in Wonderland. Right now, he’s me again. Just...a smartass, smug and arrogant.

Stripey: oO Grrr. Oo

Uzoamaka: Qualities you don't like in yourself?

Skyfire: I...I guess? Since I started my meds, he sometimes tries to be helpful and prevent self-destructive thinking. Before, he was somewhere between annoyingly smarter than I was as an ensign and overly knowledgable in my abilities which I had just acquired.. I don’t know if he’s really a separate personality or just my undesirable qualities made manifest.

Uzoamaka: Does he go quiet? Or are there times when he's more vocal than usual?

Skyfire: Both. Most of the time he’s quiet now, but he’s been quietly growling at you since we started talking. ::He continued petting Devlin, gradually starting to relax.::

Uzoamaka: When is he quiet?

Skyfire: These days, most of the time. Usually when I’m working or around Alex. I’ve been on meds for… a while now, can’t remember the exact date. They help.

Uzoamaka: It sounds like you're saying that when you get agitated, he gets agitated.

Skyfire: I don’t really know how to describe it. If he is another personality, he hasn’t tried to take over at all. I think the reason I didn’t go comatose after any of the explosions might be because of him forcing me through the pain, though I’m not sure. I am bad at explaining my relationship to him.

::After the rapid fire of questions, she fell silent for a little while, collecting her thoughts to draw a tentative conclusion. She smiled, her slender fingers laced together, hands in her lap.:: 

Uzoamaka: The way you're describing him is almost as though he's a coping mechanism. A way to push yourself forward when you're feeling out of control; when your emotions are running high, when you're in pain, when you aren't certain about your telepathic abilities.

Skyfire: That’s a way to describe him I haven’t considered. ::He paused and considered her words, trying to decide if it was an issue that needed to be addressed at the moment or if they should table that for a later discussion.:: A topic for my next mandatory session, I suppose.

Uzoamaka: ::She smiled slightly at his choice of words.:: It's something to think about. Do you keep a personal log?

Skyfire: Sort of. Not consistently, but I do update it once in a while. Relevance?

Uzoamaka: I encourage my patients to keep one. It can help you identify recurring themes or problems -- it doesn't have to be long, but try to make an entry every day. Then review them before you come to a session, and see if there's anything you'd like to talk about.

Skyfire: I’ll see what I can do. ::He paused and considered again, thoughtfully.:: Don’t know if you’ve heard, but Doctor Gates has been recalled to SFM on Earth. Don’t be surprised if you see a few prescription forms with my name on it come across your desk.

Uzoamaka: I'll keep my eye out. Hopefully it should make things a little easier for you, to have one person managing your care.

Skyfire: It would, actually. Anything else you feel like we should cover now before you send me to bed? ::He knew he needed to sleep, as he’d been at the punching bag for a couple hours prior to her showing up. This conversation and the revelation Stripey was more of the helpful nuisance variety was mentally taxing.::

Uzoamaka: To be honest, I hadn't expected to cover this much. ::She smiled.:: I only came to say hello and introduce myself.

Skyfire: We’d met before, but not talked at great length. San Francisco, just before launch. 

Uzoamaka: ::She nodded.:: Yes, in the gardens. It was a lovely night.

::He gave a yawn and glanced at his watch. It was definitely time for him to go to bed. Devlin seemed not quite asleep, but looking forward to being reunited with his bed again.::

Skyfire: Yep. Definitely bed time. See you in a few days? ::He couldn’t dodge them any longer, even if he tried. Someone would notice. Especially Tobian, given his proximity to the proverbial grapevine.::

Uzoamaka: In a few days, then. Sleep well.

Skyfire: You too, Doc. ::He petted Devlin a bit behind the ears.:: C’mon, boy. Bed time.

Devlin: Raff raff! ::He jumped off CD’s lap and fell in step alongside his master, heading back to their quarters.::

::As they parted company for the evening, Chythar couldn’t stop thinking about the revelations. Stripey being helpful and the fact he didn’t actually hate counselors, it was just the feelings not meshing with the logic. Both were going to bother him for a long time, until they sorted it out.::

((Short jump, Chythar’s Quarters))

::Devlin came into the room and nommed on his kibble for a bit before jumping onto the bed to wait for CD. The doc stared at the ceiling for a moment before looking to the bed, smiling at his little friend.::

Skyfire: Computer, begin recording. Personal log, 239401.01. Only fitting that on the new year I make a statement... Brief interaction with Dr. Uzoamaka produced a couple unexpected revelations. Namely, Stripey’s a helpful nuisance despite his damn annoyingly smarter-than-me moments and the fact that I don’t actually hate counselors -- they just invoke anger because logic and feeling don’t match.

End log.

::Once that was done, he crawled into bed with the dog and killed the lights. It was going to be a rough night.::

fin

--

Lieutenant Commander Chythar Skyfire

Chief Medical Officer

USS Gorkon, NCC-82293

O239002CS0

& 

Lieutenant Isioma Uzoamaka

Chief of Counselling

USS Gorkon

T238401QR0

with

Devlin the Beagle

Therapy Dog

O239002CS0