LtCmdr Skyfire + Moonsong Family: Homecoming Part II
Chythar Skyfire
((Earth, Leech Lake Minnesota, LlamaSong Farms))
::Sasha checked on CD periodically over the next several hours. It was clear he was not sleeping well. At least not yet. The day waned until later afternoon. Sasha closed his door when the rest of the family returned to the house to relax before dinner. Their housekeeper/cook returned from her errands and started dinner.::
::Nikolai, the Moonsong patriarch was relaxing in the living room doing some reading on his endless breeding journals. The twins, both several years older than their sister were in the game room throwing darts. Andre and Alexii were born identical twins, but time had added subtle differences. Sasha was in the kitchen with Alice working on dinner. There would be plenty of food to go around.::
::Around late afternoon, about an hour before dinner, Chythar came to wakefulness by way of a cold shower. When he emerged about ten minutes later, it was in a pair of black shorts and a black and teal t-shirt that read “I Work For Starfleet” with the Starfleet Medical emblem emblazoned on the back. He at least remembered to brush his hair before making an appearance. He gave a nod to each in turn as he entered the main living area.::
Skyfire: ‘Allo. I’m Dr. Chythar Skyfire.
::He wasn’t expecting an immediate response from anyone. He also had no idea how much of his background Ris had given them. It was a welcome reprieve to be welcomed into such a large family as none of his, save for Chris, were still alive.::
N.Moonsong: ::looks up at his words and set the datapad aside. He rose to his feet and walked to Chythar and gave him a strong hug. :: Welcome home, boy. Sit down. ::he returned to his own seat.::
::The warm glow he felt from Nikolai was enough to throw CD off balance for a moment, combined with the surprise bear hug. Once he was released, he had a seat next to the older gentleman and gave a soft smile.::
N.Moonsong: Get any sleep?
::The question itself was difficult to answer. Had he gotten sleep? Was he imagining there was actually a bed beneath him rather than duct tape? Were his dreams actually nightmares? There wasn’t a good way to tell. Maybe it was all just a dream.::
Skyfire: Ah’m not sure. Some of it was nightmares.
N. Moonsong: ::Frowns slightly.:: Nightmares?
Skyfire: With a death toll north of seven hundred between our combined forces and the enemy, you tell me. Like each name burned itself upon my memory as Ah helped sign death certificates. When the Jem’Haddar boarded, lives were lost faster than Ah could breathe.
N. Moonsong: ::The older man gave him a long quiet look. The deaths hung around him like a cloud. Nikolai had been warned by his wife what they would be dealing with. He nodded.:: Yes… that is the stuff of nightmares. You see them whether your eyes are open or shut. When you’re sensitive like you and Raissa… you feel them trying to drag you to the next life.
::CD merely nodded, in full agreement with the sentiment. As almost an afterthought, added quietly.::
Skyfire: Ah was in the Sto’Vo’Kor lounge most nights, staring into the darkness for feeling that Ah was already amongst the great warriors.
N. Moonsong: ::he put a hand on Chythar’s shoulder.:: You need to talk about it, but you can tell it makes people uncomfortable so you hold back.
::Another nod, this time a quiet silence like his tongue had just been sliced from his mouth. He didn’t add anything to what had already been said, and he wasn’t about to talk without some encouragement. This was a sort of openness that he hadn’t been exposed to before, so the impulse to spill his worries onto some unknown stranger was very minimal. He had a habit of breaking counselors and trusting people, after all. These were his new family, so he had to open up at some point.::
N. Moonsong: ::His hand tightened on the younger man’s shoulder.:: Talk… tell me…
::After a few more minutes of his own internal arguments with himself whether he should trust these strange people, he glanced quietly to his left and right before recounting the horrors of the past year. Ranging from their peaceful routine survey of a quantum fissure to the near-death experiences aboard the Hellase, the USS Galaxy, and the USS Gorkon. He also recounted his painful and somewhat harsh lessons with the Vulcan Sel, the painful encounter with the table, and the short-tempered impulse control issues of twenty years worth of training over the span of an hour. He recounted the names of those whom he’d gotten close to, revealed that he even had a crush on a fellow officer, and at an appropriate segue revealed his track record for breaking counselors. As dinner made its way out, CD stopped talking and ate his food in silence, watching the other man’s face. Surprise? Confusion? All he knew of these folk was what little he’d gleaned from Ris’ mind during their little meldy experience nearly three years ago. oO Three years? No. It was two...and a half? Oo He gave a somewhat clueless shrug at his math and went back to eating what was put in front of him.::
::Nikolai kept his hand on Chythar’s shoulder through most of it. While he wasn’t a Starfleet counselor, he was a Shaman. Part of that was to ease the souls of those in need. His daughter, a Shaman in her own right had adopted this man as a sibling. That made him family. And you helped family.::
::Sasha had sent a priority message to Raissa to let her know that Chythar was safely home and get any more personal details she could from her daughter. Ris knew a few of Chythar’s favorites so that had been included in the dinner menu.::
::Around the table the family was fairly quiet. The more they heard the more their emotions settled into specifics. To the twins, they had a younger brother in need of protection. Not enough to join Starfleet to bodyguard him but the temptation was definitely there.::
N. Moonsong: Let’s go back to the breaking counselors thing. Do you do that a lot?
Skyfire: Yes, actually...Sal was the first one who stayed. Then when Ah left for the Garuda, it was Ris. Up until my transfer to the Columbia, we grew close. Ah can feel her in the back of my mind, all the time when Ah’m here. When Ah was over there, there was nothing.
S. Moonsong: ::nods:: I know what you mean. A sense of her presence despite the distance.
::He noted that his Irish accent was still present, if only a little bit. Perhaps that would go away, but in times of stress he didn’t seem able to drop out of it.::
N. Moonsong: ::meanwhile Nikolai nodded. It was difficult when those you depended upon for emotional support left.:: Well, you won’t be breaking anyone here.
::As he glanced around the room, he remembered he only glimpsed Aldron’s face for a few moments via the communique Sasha made yesterday and was trying to see if the face was present.::
Skyfire: Aldron here yet?
S. Moonsong: ::He had been present when her mother called, but considering what he was going through she wasn’t surprised he forgot.:: Mother will be here in the morning, remember?
::CD gave a silent nod, his short term memory clearly impacted by the nightmares. It was still hard for him to believe the year-long nightmare was over. He didn’t have any commentary, rather glanced down at his plate again and took a few bites. He was savoring the flavors, because he had to relearn what food actually tasted like.::
S. Moonsong: Don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time.
N. Moonsong: Your mother is coming?
S. Moonsong: ::nods:: She’s a full telepath. She’s the best one to help him purge all the death energy.
N. Moonsong: Good… my way would take longer. ::looks at Chythar.:: After that, you’ll come down to the barn and get straightened out.
::The family continued to talk around him, leaving him curious about what could possibly happen in the barn. He didn’t recall anything happening in the barn.::
Skyfire: Okay...why?
N. Moonsong: You came home for healing. You will be healed.
::A straightforward answer, though he didn’t know what he was looking for. He continued to eat in silence until one of the twins spoke up.::
Andre: Do you ride?
Skyfire: Ride? Like a horse?
Alexii: ::smirks.:: Yeah… a horse.
Skyfire: ::shaking his head:: Never tried or learned. If you’re patient teachers, Ah’m a quick study.
Andre: ::chuckles:: Don’t worry. We’ll start you off slow.
::At least he’d have something to keep his mind off of the horrors that plagued him when he was asleep. The question then became amidst this tasty food and surrounded by his new family, would it be enough to distract him while he was awake also? His defenses were still fairly weak, as he was so focused on trying to sleep he hadn’t remembered to meditate. Once he realized he might’ve been broadcasting his thoughts, his eyes seemed to widen a bit in horror before he closed them and tried to keep a lid on it.::
Skyfire: Sorry...haven’t meditated yet…
S. Moonsong: ::This time is was Sasha who touched his wrist with her hand.:: Chythar… Yes… you are broadcasting, but all of us are well shielded here. Don’t worry about it. We’ll get you better.
::CD shook his head again and stared at his plate, now empty of its contents. He’d been unable to actually focus since he got released from SFM, with Kael dying shortly after they were brought back through the fissure. It was one thing to lose a patient under the knife, it was a whole different kettle of fish to lose one you were trying to save and find out about it after the fact.::
Skyfire: No. It’s...losing patients is difficult.
::Nikolai noted he kept coming back to that fact. Losing patients. When Raissa was in Shaman training and when she had begun her medical training to be a doctor that was a possibility they had to prepare her for. It was not a case of if she lost a patient but when. Just because it was a wartime situation did not make it any easier.::
N.Moonsong: If it were easy, you wouldn’t be a doctor, Chythar.
::CD nodded and helped himself to another plate of potatoes. He couldn’t find anything to reply with, so Nikolai continued.::
N.Moonsong: What makes it more difficult for you and people like your sister is that not only do you emphasize, but you connect to their soul. When they cross over, your soul is pulled to the edge of death. ::pauses.:: In your case… over and over again. A part of them remaining with you and a part of you remaining there.
Skyfire: How does one stop it? Or lessen the effects? Stay here, rather than there?
N.Moonsong: We are going to work on that. Teach you the techniques you’ll need.
::Chythar nodded faintly and finished the rest of his dinner without saying a word. He wanted their help, needed it in order to keep his sanity. Ending his career due to mental instability wasn’t an option.::
::No one said anything else for the remainder of the meal. But many glances were directed toward Chythar. The family would pull together to help as Raissa had requested. They would never turn their backs on a lost soul. Particularly one they claimed as their own.::
::Once dinner had concluded, he followed Nikolai out to the barn. He hoped whatever it was he’d find out there would ease the pain of the nightmares or give him some clarity and focus.::
Skyfire: So...how does your way differ from Aldron’s?
N.Moonsong: ::rising to his feet.:: Not so much as different as simply part of the whole. ::He looked at the twins:: Is it ready?
Andre: ::Nods:: It’s waiting for you. ::pause.:: Do you need us?
N. Moonsong: ::looks at Chythar.:: No, not for this one. You ready boy?
::There seemed to be some hidden meaning, and CD had no idea what “it” was in this context. Whatever the method, it was still a mystery to Chythar.::
N. Moonsong: Then come along.
::Nikolai led the way out of the house. To the left was a path that lead to the barns and utility buildings. The sky was beginning to grow dark and the stars were beginning to make themselves known. The outbuildings were constructed from an assortment of materials. Nikolai led him to a smaller building made of what appeared to be very very old wood. The older man led him into a small anteroom, after lighting an oil lamp next to the door. There were narrow benches on either side and pegs on the wall.::
::CD followed as indicated, his eyes adjusting to the light as he took a look around. As he’d come to expect, the rustic look of the different building materials seemed to shimmer a bit with the flickering light.::
N. Moonsong: Do you have body issues?
Skyfire: oO Strange question… Oo No. I’m a doctor, remember?
Stripey: oO Shamans are weird. Oo
Skyfire: oO Shut up. Oo
N. Moonsong: ::nods.:: Then strip. You can hang your clothes on those pegs.
::Chythar did as instructed, and when he did so his body revealed several fresh bruises which had yet to heal and a few fresh scars. He felt a little weird without the standard teal hospital gown to cover him, but whatever the method...if it helped, he didn’t mind it being a little weird.::
::After Nikolai stripped as well, he led the way to the inner chamber. There were no windows and the hot humid air felt like a slap in the face. Around the room were built in benches. In the center was a large brazier. The large rocks on it were giving out a lot of heat. Beside it was a bucket of water.:
N. Moonsong: Have a seat.
::CD once again did as instructed, and attempted to relax. As he sat on the bench, his body tensed involuntarily as the sensation was similar to what the seat cushions on the Gorkon devolved into during their year of captivity.::
::Nikolai moved to the side of the room and picked up a small wooden box. Within were dried leaves which he sprinkled liberally over the rock. Wisps of smoke immediately rose. Then a dipper of water were poured over the rocks and steam rose filling the room with heat, moisture and the scent of white sage.::
::The scents of water and sage were indeed overpowering for a moment or two, but once they hit him, they seemed to help relax Chythar just a bit.::
N. Moonsong: ::Taking a seat nearby on the bench, he leaned back and closed his eyes.:: Close your eyes… breath deep…
::Once again, he obeyed without question and allowed the scents to fill his body, his almost silent inhalations filling his lungs with the saturated atmosphere around him. Muscles gradually relaxed, though his mind still raced. Some of the images of the dead crew filled his mind as he tried to concentrate, and occasionally he would tense up once again involuntarily.::
N. Moonsong:: How do you feel?
Skyfire: Sort of working...Ah’m still seein’ the faces of the ones Ah couldn’t save…
N. Moonsong: Breathe.
::He gave another nod and tried once more to relax his body, to just let the scent of the sage take away the pain and grief with every breath. His hands clenched and relaxed out of reflex, as though it was just another way of letting go of what he felt.::
::Nikolai kept adding water to the hot rocks. The humidity rose until the sweat was rolling off both of them.::
N. Moonsong: Focus on your breathing. ::pause:: I know you keep seeing them. Stop trying to ignore them. You keep tensing up.
::He latched onto the hidden meaning and knelt closer to the rock pile, in hopes that proximity would somehow lessen the pain of the memories.::
::Nikolai looked very relaxed as he sat beside him. The older man’s eyes were closed as he took long deep breaths.::
N. Moonsong: You are holding on to them.
::There was a sudden flicker of comprehension, or perhaps misunderstanding as his eyes opened and glanced up at Nikolai.::
Skyfire: Come again?
N. Moonsong: The dead. Your hold on them is as tight as the hold they have on your soul.
::The truth had never been more clear. CD tried hard to let go, only to somehow keep getting pulled back. Once again he closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, hoping the images would melt away. Soon, even hope was pushed aside as breathing became his sole focus.::
N. Moonsong: ::He sprinkled more sage on the rocks that glowed a dull orange on the bottom.:: Guilt… You feel you failed.
::As though barely able to hear the words, CD managed only the faintest of nods. It was not the most pleasant thing to admit to, especially for a man of his profession.::
Skyfire: Aye...every single one…
N. Moonsong: Are you a god?
::Like something out of the ancient 21st century movie Ghostbusters, he wanted to say yes. The answer, in this case, was no. Because despite how he held people's’ lives in his hands every day, he was still just a man. To err is human, as the saying goes.::
Skyfire: No.
N. Moonsong: Are you perfect?
Skyfire: Far from it.
N. Moonsong: Do you see Death as the enemy?
::That was indeed a bizarre question, but if he was always trying to save people from the enemy’s clutches, then...yeah.::
Skyfire: Yes.
N. Moonsong: Why?
::Skyfire inhaled deeply and attempted to explain.::
Skyfire: Half the people we rescued from that...that place, came to us already on their way to Grim’s door. We ‘ad ta bring them back from the brink with our ailin’ supplies, and keep the image of bein’ miracle workers.
N. Moonsong: So the lives you saved do not matter to you. Only the ones whom you did not save?
::That realization was enough to stun CD into silence. He blinked a couple times as he tried to come up with an answer.::
N. Moonsong: ::takes in a deep breath of the scented air and lets it out.:: I have listened to your words. All of your words. I see where your mind and heart are focused. ::pause as he opened his eyes to look in all of that.:: Only the dead have your energy. They who no longer need it.
::Chythar took in another breath and nodded slowly. Words were now not his strong point.::
N. Moonsong: Death is part of life. You are not god. You are not perfect. Nor are people immortal. You waste your energy on what you cannot do instead of focusing on what you can.
::He heard the truth in the old man’s words, and once again gave a slow nod of understanding. When he finally found his tongue, his question was short and to the point.::
Skyfire: So how do Ah change that focus?
N. Moonsong: ::Nikolai cocked his head slightly to the side.:: Is there no life… no living soul that calls to you?
::Technically, there were in fact two beings who did. One was the small canine currently at Astrofori One, and the other was on the Invicta.::
Skyfire: Devlin and Ris.
N. Moonsong: And?
::CD blinked at the question, attempting to understand the hidden meaning.::
Skyfire: Sal and Chris, Ah guess…
N. Moonsong: ::still prompting him.:: And…?
::Here, Chythar blinked at the old man with a raised eyebrow. The question prompted him to look inward for a moment and ignore the striped nuisance that was a figment of his imagination.::
Skyfire: Myself?
N. Moonsong: ::smiles:: And….? Or do I have to tell you?
Skyfire: ::blinked again, and tried to comprehend.:: The ones I did save…? Ye may’s well tell me. Ah hate guessing games.
N. Moonsong: You just gave yourself the answer… ::pause:: Do you not see their faces?
::He pondered that over. Did he actually see the faces of the ones he saved, or is it always the ones he couldn’t? The last few hours of restless sleep should’ve answered that for him, but instead he merely shook his head. The ones he saved never visited his dreams, only the ones he lost.::
Skyfire: Ah never see the ones I’ve saved...when Ah’m asleep, anyway. It’s like...when surrounded by so much death fer so long...ye canne save ‘em all…
N. Moonsong: No, you can’t. You never will. And you failed to connect to the ones you saved. ::pause to add more water to the rocks. They sizzled as they kept the heat and humidity constant.:: You’re awake and you still can’t see the living?
::CD took another long inhalation of the scent of the sage, forcing his body to relax before opening his eyes again.::
Skyfire: Not clearly. It’s sort of like staring through a fog that Ah canne penetrate. Can make out figures, but not features, if that makes sense.
N. Moonsong: You’re going to learn how to stop doing that too.
::It took a moment for the words to click, and he canted his head to the side in puzzlement.::
N. Moonsong: You’re forcing yourself to relax. Which means you are not relaxed. So it’s not doing you any good.
Skyfire: ::nodding and adding quietly:: Teach me, oh wise sensei.
N. Moonsong: Being a smart ass doesn’t help you either. It means you’re not interested in really learning it.
::In CD’s mind, he wasn’t being a smart ass. It was a request for help, but perhaps due to his stress level it was getting lost in translation. With another deep breath, he gave a nod of understanding. His somewhat unshielded mind broadcasted more of the horrors he’d recounted earlier. It took him a moment to realize what was happening, and when he clamped down on that thought, his eyes closed once again.::
Skyfire: Help me...please…. ::and a single tear ran along his face, as though desperately trying to shut out whatever it was he’d unleashed.::
N.Moonsong: To start with… I am Mide not a sensei. That is an entirely different method that developed on a different part of this planet. If you want me to teach you some of the ways of the Midewiwin remember that. If you want a sensei, go elsewhere.
::Chythar nodded quietly and was still listening, most of his focus currently on his weakened shields to try and keep his mind in check. As if by years of habit brought on by Starfleet training, he answered quietly.::
Skyfire: Aye sir. Forgive me…
::Nikolai rose to his feet. He gestured for Chythar to follow him. He opened a door that led to another room. This one held a pool of water. The older man stepped down and settled on a bench which brought the water up to mid-chest level.::
::CD opened his eyes and followed quietly, his mental focus starting to slip a bit more than he intended. He sat down on the bench next to the shaman and tried to keep his emotions in check.::
::The water at first felt cool but it was actually warm. Gently moving from jets at the bottom. Nikolai leaned back against the side.::
N. Moonsong: Stop trying to shield. Tianna will work on that with you tomorrow. You are working too hard on it. You’re broadcasting and you should know there is no one around you can hurt with it. I may be human but I know well how to shield against it.
::With a bit of reluctance, CD bit his lip and glanced at Nikolai.::
Skyfire: Are ye sure?
N. Moonsong: I understand the horrors you faced. Let it out. I can deal with it. Just like the rest of the family. ::pause:: They are the only ones around. The family. Don’t hold back from family.
::That extra nudge was apparently all he needed as his weakened shielding collapsed. His body tensed once again, and the horrors once again rose to the surface to haunt him while he was awake.::
::Nikolai’s hand came down on his shoulder. A warm weight that radiated calm and peace. There was no judgement or demands. It was the same calm center he had felt from Raissa.::
::Chythar started to relax under the shaman’s touch. Everything slowly started to fade, except one image: a year and a half old beagle, chasing his tail and sitting quietly at the door to an empty room.::
N. Moonsong: ::His voice was quiet and steady.:: You need to let it out. Let out the grief, Ningozis. Give them the peace you deny yourself.
::Once again, CD’s eyes closed and he focused on Nikolai’s voice. The calming hand helped him relax, as everything began to fade with each breath.::
N. Moonsong: It is said that water is more than just a way to remove dirt. The cleansing goes deeper… You think there is a stain on your soul. This is the beginning of your healing.
::He nodded slowly and just focused on his breathing, allowing every single horror he’d witnessed to melt into the water. The image of Devlin kept returning to the surface, a little bundle of happiness awaiting the return of his master.::
::Nikolai noted that Chythar was a bit literal, but as long as the process helped him, that was all that mattered. He smiled as he saw some of the tension lines ease a little. The ‘boy’ needed to express it instead of holding back. That was a lot of what was messing him up. Without being about to let it out, it became a loop.::
::The Midew gave him some time to finally start relaxing before urging him out of the water. He ushered him to another door that led to the anteroom without going through the sauna again. Instead of allowing him back in his clothes he was handed a large bathrobe and a pair of slippers. With an arm around his shoulders he led Chythar back to the house and directed him to his bedroom.::
::CD blinked a few times to readjust his eyes to the light as he followed, then nodded slightly as he was shown to his room. No words escaped him, as at this point he had none. He did feel better, but it was only the first day of a long process. The exertion, the restless sleep, all of it just piled up at once and hit him like a ton of bricks. He gave Nikolai a soft smile before retreating into his room to pass out on the bed.::
END
===
Nikolai, Andre, & Alexii Moonsong
LlamaSong Farms
Earth
As written by
Lt. Commander Raissa Moonsong
Chief of Counseling / Attache IEC
USS Invicta
=/\==/\=G239107RM0 =/\==/\=Lieutenant Commander Chythar Skyfire
Chief Medical Officer
USS Gorkon, NCC-82293
History Team Co-Facilitator
Medical Duty Post Facilitator
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