JP: LtJG DeVeau & LtCmdr Rahman: How do you do it?

[richyulin]

(( Chapel, USS Garuda, later that evening after the ribbon ceremony ))

::The chapel was sparsely populated at this time of night, with a few scattering of bodies here and there.  A Vulcan sextet murmured in hushed tones in one corner while a Bajoran gave his respects to the Prophets in another. A few more intimate groups dotted the area.  In one pew, a couple sat whispering, and it was upon the female of the duet that Alora’s gaze settled.  She hesitated, then aimed for their section.  Her timing was impeccable as their conversation came to an end.  The man nodded and rose, which left the woman alone at her seat.::

DeVeau: Mind if I join you?

::Alora queried as she drew alongside,a small smile flickering over her lips as her hand rested upon the back of the pew while her other fiddled with one of the newly minted awards pinned to her dress uniform.::

Rahman: Not at all.

::Roshanara, also still wearing her dress uniform from the ribbon ceremony, gestured to the vacant spot next to her.::

Rahman: Please, lieutenant.

DeVeau: Thanks.

::The young officer eased into the formerly occupied seat, the warmth of the previous body still evident.::

Rahman: Did you enjoy the ceremony?

DeVeau: It was nice.  I honestly didn't expect to get decorated.

::She was just glad she had survived the away mission!::

::Roshanara nodded.::

Rahman: Yes, I find that’s often the case with these sorts of occasions. Truthfully, I suspect they’re just as much for our shipmates and families as they are for ourselves.

::The chief engineer watched as the other woman shifted a bit in her seat.::

DeVeau: How are you doing?

Rahman: Recuperating. Not too bad, all things considering...

::She looked down at her left arm.  The doctors had repaired most of the damage with the equipment they had, but she was still missing two fingers for now while she waited for the biosynthetic replacements to arrive.::

::She then turned her head towards the lieutenant.  She had a feeling the young woman had come by for more than just the serene atmosphere of the chapel.::

Rahman: Yourself?

DeVeau: I’m...okay.

::The hesitation made it far too obvious that it was not exactly as she said it was - and Rahman must have picked up on it.::

Rahman: What's on your mind?

DeVeau: Well…

::Alora’s eyes flicked to the engineer's arm and specifically to those missing fingers.  She forced her gaze back up to focus on the woman’s eyes rather than on her missing digits.::

DeVeau: I just...well, I was wondering.  How do you do it?

Rahman: Pardon?

DeVeau: I mean, how do you deal with it.  What happened.  How do you just go on like nothing happened?

::Roshanara returned a sad smile.::

Rahman: Hmmph, is that what it looks like?

DeVeau: Well...yeah.  Kinda.

Rahman: I see…

DeVeau: Does it bother you?  You've been in dangerous situations before, how do you cope?  

::A hint of nervousness crept into her expression and into the movements of her hands, which fiddled with one another, fingers picking at their twin, then tapping on the back of the pew in front of them.  Rahman seemed to have it all together.  Alora honestly couldn't imagine the superior officer awaking in the night, her body trembling from  that green, alien face, its sneer plastered over her memories and dreams.::

Rahman: It does bother me... ::She turned her gaze back to the surroundings of the chapel.:: I suppose that's why I'm here now.

::Alora let her own eyes dart about to take in the serenity that the chapel afforded.  She wished her own thoughts were so quiet.::

DeVeau: How do you deal with it then?

Rahman: Before I answer your question about how I cope, let me ask you first: what's been bothering you?

::Alora let her gaze drop to where her fingers continued to play at one another.  She felt like a child, a sensation that added to her discomfort.::

DeVeau: I've...been having nightmares.

Rahman: It's nothing to be ashamed of. It was a very stressful... even terrifying situation.

::Her eyes flicked upward to settle once more upon the engineer and studied her.::

DeVeau: Does he haunt your dreams?

::Did she have nightmares?  Did they plague her?  Did she have them when she managed to survive her first traumatic event?  Or did she handle them like a grown woman, unlike the way Alora was managing her own?

Rahman: He? No... don't get me wrong, he was a very dangerous man. I have no doubt if he had gotten the chance, he would have killed us. But it is not he who's been bothering me the most since we returned.

::She looked at the young lieutenant who sat beside her now for a moment. She could tell DeVeau needed a guiding hand now. Someone to let her know it was going to be all right. The question though was whether Roshanara could be the one to tell her when she had her own demons to contend with.::

Rahman: Lieutenant, how old are you?

DeVeau: Twenty three as of July.  

Rahman: ::smiles:: Do you know you're younger than when I first began my active starship duty? Ten years ago, if you can believe it. I had stayed an extra two years at the Beta Ursae Minor II campus to complete a master's degree after I received my commission.

DeVeau: No.  I didn’t realise that.

::But why did that matter?  Age, while it could help with maturity, didn’t really matter much.  Not when it was just a couple of years.::

Rahman: And do you know what? I was scared and nervous when I finally stepped aboard that old Excelsior class ship. (beat) Actually, I was scared even before I stepped aboard her. ::She nodded as she started to remember more of the details.:: It was when I saw her through the windows of the docking bay. When I realized it was finally real: I was a starship engineer.

::Alora hadn't been scared when she arrived at the Mercury.  She’d been excited.  She’d been so hopped up on adrenaline in her glee that even if she hadn't been able to sleep well, there would have been no way she could have fallen asleep on the job.  She had been far too wired.::

Rahman: That first year was hard. I knew it was going to be challenging, and yet I still found myself wondering in the back of my mind if I truly deserved to be there. Sometimes, you know, it felt like I was an impostor. That my superiors must have made a mistake, and one day, they'd realize it and tell me, "Sorry, this just isn't for you." That fear terrified me on the days and nights that were particularly difficult...

DeVeau: Oh.

::That sort of fear wasn't exactly like the fear she was dealing with.  It was different.  Alora didn't interrupt or protest though, rather held her tongue and continued to listen attentively.::

Rahman: And then, I think it was about a month or so into my second year... maybe even less. I was supervising one of the new graduates. We were both still ensigns, but because I had a year on him, I was pointing out the "real world" lessons that differed from what they teach you at the academy, like how long a power cell can really last or how far you can push the plasma relays beyond the specs. And as I was correcting him here and there and showing him the ropes, I realized I was no longer afraid about surviving. That somewhere along the way, I had transitioned as an officer.

::The engineer looked away into the distance. Her voice trailed off before she abruptly turned back to Alora.::

Rahman: And then just when I thought I had figured things out, life decided it had other plans for me. Two years later, I thought for sure I was going to die.

DeVeau: Die?  What happened?

::Alora wasn't blind, she’d noted the difference in the woman’s arms, the fingers that hadn't been her own flesh when they were torn from her hand.::

Rahman: I was aboard another ship, by then: the Tempest. And true to her name, it seemed she wanted to fly apart at every chance

::She almost chuckled then. Strange, now, that she could look back almost fondly at the memories.::

Rahman: Well, anyway, not to bore you with the details, but we were running engine tests when the core began overheating. We tried everything, but eventually we ran out of options. Our chief engineer had no choice but to eject the core. We were evacuating when Reez fell... blinded by leaking plasma coolant. I went back for him, and the isolation doors came down when I did. No transporters. No escape. And I remember looking back at my commander through the windows and seeing his face of... pity as he finalized the ejection.

::She stopped for a moment before looking back at DeVeau.::

Rahman: That's what haunted my dreams for a long while.

::It wasn't exactly the same problem Alora had, but it was similar.  Rahman had nightmares, too.  Rahman was disturbed - or had been at least - by things that had happened to her too.  In a way, it was almost a relief.::

DeVeau: So what changed?  How were you able to move on?  Was it just time?

::The Kriosian nodded thoughtfully.::

Rahman: Time… space… and someone to talk to. Someone who could listen.

::She stopped for a moment and looked at DeVeau intently.::

Rahman: Have you spoken to a counselor about your nightmares?

DeVeau: No.

::She knew that was going to be the most likely recommendation, but it just wasn't what Alora was comfortable doing.::

Rahman: I know it can seem strange: the idea of just opening up to a stranger. But there’s a freedom in that as well. And they know what they’re doing and can offer real help. I know they did for me. (beat) In fact, I was planning to speak with either Counselor Jolara or Counselor Calavera later. Would you like to join me?

::Alora’s fingers played at one another.  Even Saveron had suggested that she talk to a counselor, and Rahman had highlighted one of the reasons why it didn't settle well with her.::

DeVeau: I don’t know...

::Roshanara nodded at the woman’s hesitation.::

Rahman: Lieutenant… (beat) Alora.

::She gestured to the ribbons that now adorned both her and the science officer’s uniforms.::

Rahman: These are a nice gesture from command to recognize what we've been through, but they offer little comfort for the pain. You don’t have to decide anything right away, but since you wanted to know how I do it, there’s your answer: I don’t try to do it alone.

::Alora’s gaze drifted down to the awards that decorated her uniform.  Her career had gotten off to an illustrious start, but she honestly wished it had been under better circumstances.  Her fingers drifted to the Prisoner of War ribbon.  It was meant to be a statement for job well done, an award for someone who had gone through hell with grace and aplomb.  The problem is, Alora honestly felt like she didn't deserve it.

Yet, she knew Rahman was right.  She couldn't do it alone.  She couldn't face her fears by herself and expect to win.  Alora did know, however, who she did feel comfortable going to - she wasn't alone.  For that, she was very grateful.::

DeVeau: Don’t worry.  ::She stated softly as she offered a small smile to her companion.:: I’m not going to.

------

Lt. JG. Alora DeVeau

Science Officer

USS Garuda

&

Lt. Commander Roshanara Rahman

Chief Engineer and Second Officer

USS Garuda