Y&R: Update, Wed 8/7/1996, WEDDING DAY

[472...@xavier.xu.edu]

Hello, let me apologize straight off for the lateness of this update. I
procrastinated as long as possible on this one, still shudder in horror
thinking I have to watch the most boring wedding in the history of soap operas
AGAIN. (I'm not saying this just because of my hatred of BUG, this thing
really was a snooze.) Since it was so horrible, I'm providing the Cliffs Notes
version first for those who never read their English assignments and
really prefer to skip the gory details.

Cliffs Notes:

BUG and Paul married in a simple ceremony. Guests includued Victor, Nikki,
Nick, Sharon, Vicki, Ryan, Nina, Katherine, Neil, and Malcolm. Paul and BUG
made long boring speeches of love to each other at the altar. The reception
was interrupted by a phone call from a hysterical (as usual) Olivia, who had s
poken to Nathan on the phone. She begged Paul to come and help her, and Paul
agreed to delay the honeymoon until the SITUATION WITH NATHAN (hereafter known
as the SWN) was resolved. BUG was proud of the extra shine on hubby's halo
after this, and told Paul she wanted to go to Colorado to take care of s
omething for Newman Enterprises. Phyllis came over to Danny's unannounced
with Little Daniel in tow, she and Gina exchanged catty remarks.

Now, I know some of you are going to continue reading, becuase this episode
was something like seeing a train wreck, you know its going to be horrible
but you just can't turn away. I promise to try to make this as painless
as possible.

EXTENDED, GORY DETAILS

PROLOGUE:
MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL
__________________________
Episode opens with tender piano music and BUG in a long white negligee (ooh
I just didn't need to see that) looking in the mirror wistfully. Nina enters.
She says that BUG is the most beautiful brides she's ever seen. BUG's nervous.
Nina assures her that this time the wedding is going to happen. She will
miss having BUG next door. Cue sobs and sappy best friend talk. We can fast
forward now.

IF DANNY CRIES TODAY, I'M OUTTA HERE
____________________________________
Gina arrives at Danny's apartment to hold Danny's hand becuase its Cricket's
wedding day. Danny insists that he's fine. He was invited, but in an
uncharacteristically mature decision, stayed home.

I'M LATE, I'M LATE, FOR A VERY IMPORTANT DATE
_____________________________________________
Nick and Sharon are waiting for Mommy Dearest to finish grooming herself.
They reminisce about their wedding.

ROLL CREDITS-BUG HEADLINING THE WAY, OF COURSE

ACT I, SCENE I
CAN WE SAY OEDIPAL COMPLEX?
___________________________
Mary is looking at one of Paul's baby pictures. He descends the stairs
carrying his suitcase. (He must have spent the night, its bad luck to see a
BUG before the wedding. :-) Sweet Mother/Son talk ensues. Yeah, yeah my FF
button is racking up the miles today.

ACT I, SCENE II
DID WE REALLY NEED TO SEE THIS PARTICULAR SCENE AGAIN?
______________________________________________________
Flashback to BUG asking Victor to give her away. (Who would have her?) while
Victor puts on his tux.

ACT I, SCENE III
OLIVIA'S ON? AREN'T WE GOING TO HAVE ENOUGH TEARS AT THE WEDDING?
___________________________________________________________________
Malcolm comes over to visit Liv. He brought groceries, and his tux, he's
going to change over here. He tries to talk her into coming to the wedding,
but she refuses. Liv says she just got off the phone with Dru, who is sick
and decided to skip the wedding. (I'd call in sick too.) Neil arrives
to pick up Malcolm.

COMMERCIAL

ACT II, SCENE I
DOES THIS STORY HAVE A POINT?
_____________________________
Sharon begins to lecture Nick about marriage, it means staying together,
working problems out, blah, blah, blah. Nick closes down this line of
conversation and sends Sharon to get dressed.

ACT II, SCENE II
PITY PARTY
__________
Liv is fixing Neil's tie, which makes her think of Nathan. Cue "What if
I never see my son again?" speech. Malcolm and Neil reassure her.

ACT II, SCENE III
THE SHOT OF THE ARCH WILL PROBABLY BE THE BEST PART OF THE EPISODE
__________________________________________________________________
In ST. Louis, little Nate shows Nathan a picture he drew of Mommy. He
wishes he could see her. Nathan says that he can see that Nate can see her
in his mind. (I'm sure that made sense to a four year old.) Little Nate
begs to go see Mommy, whining again. (He is his mother's son.)

COMMERCIAL

ACT III, SCENE I
I'M NOT SURE IF VICKY DRESSED FOR A WEDDING, FUNERAL, OR COCKTAIL PARTY
_______________________________________________________________________
Vicky enters and says hi to Nick. She's wearing a black gown with lace
neckline. (I must have missed the passage in Emily Post that said black
is appropriate at weddings.) Nick tells Vicky about the necklace he
gave Sharon. He leaves to go put on his tux. Vicky says that Cole is out
of town on business. Nikki enters in a stunning blue suit. Once again,
Nikki's boobs are defying the laws of physics by not falling out of her top.
Vicky leaves to hurry up Nick and Sharon.

ACT III, SCENE II
BUG ON CALL
___________
BUG is on the phone with someone named Bob from Newman Enterprises. He's
begging her to come in, some deal is about to fall through. BUG refuses
and hangs up on him. Nina enters. It's showtime. (BARF!)

COMMERCIAL

ACT IV, SCENE I
HOW MANY FLOWERS CAN ONE CHURCH HOLD?
_____________________________________
Everyone is arriving at the chapel. Paul greets the Newmans. Victor and Nikki
share a private moment, Nikki can't resist a dig about it being hard for
Victor to give BUG away.

ACT IV, SCENE II
REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE
___________________________
Nathan calls Olivia. Nathan wants to come home, but says Olivia will never
again try to keep him away from his son. Nathan says not to involve the
family or police. Conversation degenerates, and Nathan hangs up on Liv.
Cue hysterical "Damn you, Nathan!" repeated about twenty times.

ACT IV, SCENE III
HERE COMES THE BUG, HERE COMES THE BUG
______________________________________
Wedding begins with Nina in a simple white gown with low cut neckline. She's
followed by Bug and Vic. BUG'S gown is blue, with floral top and hoopskirt.
(She really does look like something out of Gone With the Wind. Think
the famous curtain dress :-) For those who care, the minister does not
go through the formality of asking "Who gives this woman...")

COMMERCIAL

ACT V, SCENE I
FAST FORWARD BUTTON ON OVERDRIVE
________________________________
Minister begins ceremony. Minister cues Paul to make his speech. Paul talks
about the road they've traveled, promises to love her through bad and good
times, etc. etc. He gets teary eyed, so does BUG. (Are you puking yet?)
When Paul FINALLY shuts up, the minister turns to BUG and asks if she has
anything to say. (THAT has got to be the stupidest question in history since
Julius Caesar said to Brutus as the knife was descending, "You too, Brutus?")
BUG proceeds to go off for another five minutes about how the future holds
both joy and sorrow, that they will love each other, and hopefully through
their love make this world a better place (RETCH! GAG! CHOKE! HELP I CAN'T
BREATHE!)

ACT V, SCENE II
IF DANNY SINGS TODAY, I'M OUTTA HERE
____________________________________
Phyllis knocks at Danny's door. She brought little Danny with her. Gina
and Phyllis exchange less than warm greetings.

ACT V, SCENE III
IS IT OVER YET?
_______________
Mercifully, the minister pronounces Paul and Christine Man and BUG. He tells
Paul he may kiss the insect. Kiss and applause. Paul and Christine walk
down the aisle in slow-motion. (How did I know they'd have to find
an excuse to film BUG in slow-mo someday?)

COMMERCIAL

ACT VI, SCENE I
PARTY DOWN, NOT!
________________
BUG and Paul cut the cake. Ryan makes a toast and says they radiate love.
(BLECH!) Vic makes a toast, upstaging Ryan once again. Paul and BUG dance
to "You Are So Beautiful to Me." (If nothing else, couldn't they at least
have found decent music?)

ACT VI, SCENE II
BEWARE OF EX-WIVES BEARING INFANTS
__________________________________
Danny takes the baby upstairs. Gina lays into Phyllis and says this is the
tackiest thing she's ever done. (Apparently Gina hasn't seen Phyllis' leather
underpants.) Gina blames Phyllis for Danny and BUG's breakup, etc., etc., etc.
Phyllis tells her to butt out. Gina tells her to leave. Phyllis ensconces
herself on the couch.

ACT VI, SCENE III
THIS AGAIN?
___________
Neil cuts in on Paul and Chris. A waiter tells Paul he has a call. Paul
goes to the phone. It's Olivia, she apologizes for bothering him, but tells
him about Nathan's call. She says she doesn't trust herself to deal with him.
She begs him to help her deal with the SWN. Paul agrees to come over.

COMMERCIAL

ACT VII, SCENE I
I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME, WE'RE A HAPPY FAMILY
_____________________________________________
Danny comes down and asks where Gina is. Phyllis tells him she left, and
insists that she didn't provoke her. Phyllis says she knows today is difficult
for him. She admits its her fault that he and Christine broke up. "Do
you believe me when I say I'm sorry?" asks Phyllis. "Do you believe me
when I say I don't give a damn?," asks Danny. (That was cruel, Danny. And
Michael Damian should never try to imitate Clark Gable. It's embarassing.)
Phyllis insists she brought the baby to cheer Danny up. Danny lashes out at her
its all Phyllis' fault. (When last I checked it took two people to make a
baby. I somehow doubt Phyllis got pregnant by Immaculate Conception.)
Phyllis leaves in tears. (For the record, I think Phyllis was sincere about
her motives for coming, and Danny was unnecessarily cruel to her. She should
have slapped him.)

ACT VII, SCENE II
MICHAEL DAMIAN ISN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN'T SING IN THIS CAST
_____________________________________________________________
The men are delivering an off key chorus of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow."
BUG receives blessings from a loud elderly couple. (I have no idea who these
people are. If anyone knows, please fill in the blanks.) Paul tells BUG,
who agrees that he should help Olivia. She says she'll go to Colorado to
help with the Newman Enterprises problem. They agree to just let the
guests think they're going on their honeymoon, and make their excuses and
exit.

RATS, here I was looking forward to The Morning After Paul and the insect make
love, when the preying mantis devours her mate.

THE END! (THANK GOD!)

Rick

"I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to even one minute
of my life."-Howard Roark in the Fountainhead