The Similarrion, Episode 7: Of Tingle and Melon
JRR 'Jar-Jar' Tolkein
The full Similarrion is available in HTML format at
http://www.geocities.com/jsolinas/FotW/index.html
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Now the Tailendi finally crossed Andouille the Great, having run
out of sausage. They went but slowly, for their lord Elway Wrongwë
led them through many crooked paths over the Moist Mountains. And
when they had reached eastern Beleriland, they halted for a while.
Now one day Olway noticed his brother Elway leaving camp to
wander in the forest, and asked him, "Whither goest thou, brother?"
Elway replied, "I go in search of two marvelous and wondrous
creatures that I have seen not, but heard from afar when last I
walked through this forest. One must have been very great in size,
for his voice was deep and loud, and he was humming and booming
and speaking very slowly. The other was singing strange songs
like 'Merry dol' and 'Ring-a-dong dillo.' And the two were arguing
over which was the first to dwell in Little-Earth."
"WE were first to dwell in Little-Earth!" said Olway.
"That is why I must go and seek out these strange creatures,"
replied Elway. "I wish to meet them, and to dispute with them."
And he disappeared into the deep forest.
But as befitting one named Wrongwë, he was unable to find the
spot whence he had heard the strange creatures. And lo, he
came instead upon Melon the Laia, who had come to Beleriland
looking for an eligible Elf-bachelor. And he beheld her beauty,
and the thought of squeezing the melons made him tingle all over,
so that he was ever after called Tingle. And she perceived that
Tingle was the cute-but-dumb stud that her heart desired.
He took her hand, but could not think of a pickup line fitting for
an Ire-nur. (For it was plain to Elway that she was was of the
race of the Laia, for she glowed in the dark with the light of Amen.)
So he stood there saying nothing, and she (being in no hurry)
waited for him to speak but spoke no word herself. And they
stood thus for many years while the stars wheeled over them
and the trees grew tall and dark around them, whilst Tingle
strove to think of a clever pickup line.
And the other Tailendi went looking for their lord, but did not
find him. And finally Tingle's brother Olway led most of them
over Sea. But a remnant would not leave without Elway, and
they became the Sinbad, and Tingle and Melon were their King
and Queen. And Tingle became very great among Elves, for he
alone had seen the Two Trees among all the Elves that did not
finish the Journey. And he was accounted wise, but his wisdom
was the wisdom of Melon, and marrying her was the wisest
move he ever made. And of the love-making of Tingle and Melon
came the cutest babe ever among all the Kids of Erúvatar.
Menelvagor
tol...@6ftunder.uk wrote:
<snip>
> Now one day Olway noticed his brother Elway leaving camp to
> wander in the forest, and asked him, "Whither goest thou, brother?"
> Elway replied, "I go in search of two marvelous and wondrous
> creatures that I have seen not, but heard from afar when last I
> walked through this forest. One must have been very great in size,
> for his voice was deep and loud, and he was humming and booming
> and speaking very slowly. The other was singing strange songs
> like 'Merry dol' and 'Ring-a-dong dillo.' And the two were arguing
> over which was the first to dwell in Little-Earth."
>
> "WE were first to dwell in Little-Earth!" said Olway.
>
> "That is why I must go and seek out these strange creatures,"
> replied Elway. "I wish to meet them, and to dispute with them."
> And he disappeared into the deep forest.
>
Was this the first Flame War?
<snip some sexy stuff. Odd that although the Silamrillion seems to
have more sex than LOTR, the latter is still the better book>
--
Menelvagor
"Satan fell by the force of gravity." -- G.K. Chesterton
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