[Ranma 1/2 fanfic] "The More Things Change" part 1 [FanFic]

[RpM-acct2/5]

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[Start Music: "Head Over Heals" by the Go-Go's
1984 I.R.S. Records (Charlotte Caffey/Kathy Valentine)]

Blank Screen. Then words appear:

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*RPM productions presents....*
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[show flash clips of Ranma, Mousse, Ryoga, Kuno, Kodachi, Ukyo, and
Shampoo as music starts fast]

Been running so long [Show Ranma and Akane running to
I've nearly lost all track of time school. They jump into the hordes
In every direction that usually attack Akane every day
I couldn't see the warning signs and start fighting.]

------------------------
*A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction*
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I must be losin' it [Show Ukyo in her guy-disguise and then
'Cuz my mind plays tricks on me in her more ladylike look]

It looked so easy [Show standard wimpy Gosunkugi standing
But you know looks sometimes deceive back-to-back with suit-clad confident
and smirking Gosunkugi twin]

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*Based on stories by Rumiko Takahashi*
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Been running so fast [Show Ryoga running across various
Right from the starting line locations across the world, checking
No more connections maps, asking for directions, etc...]
I don't need any more advice

One hand's just reaching out [Show all the various Jusenkyo
And one's just hangin' on cursed people (Shampoo, Ryoga, Mousse,
It seems my weaknesses Genma, Ranma, etc falling into
Just keep going strong their Jusenkyo pools]

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*RANMA 1/2: THE MORE THINGS CHANGE...*
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CHORUS
Head over heels [Show Ryoga looking at a map]
Where should I go
Can't stop myself [Show Kuno hugging an angry Ranma-chan]
Outta control
Head over heels [Show Ranma & Akane about to kiss
No time to think (from the ice-skating episode) and
Looks like then notice the presence of everyone
The whole world's out of sync nearby and watching]

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*INSERT LEGAL JARGON HERE*
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Been running so hard [Show Ranma-chan running from Shampoo]
When what I need is to unwind

The voice of reason [Show Mousse on his knees in front of
Is one I left so far behind an angry Shampoo]

I waited so long [Show Ranma & Akane in the Romeo
So long to play this part and Juliet play]
And just remembered
That I'd forgotten about my heart

CHORUS
Head over heels [Show Ukyo next to a jukebox by a bar
Where should I go in her resteraunt. She's looking sad,
Can't stop myself which is soon seated by a happy Ranma
Outta control & Akane, then a depressed Mousse, then
Head over heels an angry Shampoo, then Kuno, and
No time to think then Kodachi.]
Looks like
The whole world's out of sync [Ryoga finally wanders in, looking
very much lost and checking a map.
He knocks over a lamp and the room
goes dark]

(The music fades as the big piano riff hits)

=========================================================
PART I
It's The End of the World as We Know It (and I Feel Fine)
=========================================================

There exists, in the universe, an incredibly powerful force. It does not
move mountains. It does not raze the earth. It does not spawn the seeds of
creation on barren rocks. It does nudge people down certain paths without them
even aware of it's influence. There are a select few that take this force
seriously but even they just shrug their shoulders and stand aside as it twists
the universe in strange ways. (Well, some of them, anyways. The cult of the
Oddsmakers, the most well-known group, live in Las Vegas, running incredibly
tacky looking temples. They seem to take a great interest in professional
sports, scantily clad dancers, neon, and Elvis.) It's that kind of a force.
It is called Normality.
The most commonly known effect is the fact that there will always be death
and taxes in this world. Always. It's not very complicated, really. Normality
is aided by human nature, and is in fact, shaped by it. If something persists
long enough, like plants dying in a certain geographical area, mysterious
disappearances in a certain region, or the Chicago Cubs never winning a
baseball championship, it begins to move forward through time much like a
boulder moves downhill. Pretty soon, that boulder gets plenty of momentum and
it becomes the natural state of that boulder. It's already rolling around
nicely, so why stop it?
The force of Normality isn't unshakable. There always exists the possibility
that the Cubs might win a championship one of these years, but the force makes
it very bloody unlikely that they'll win it too many times, if at all.
In Tokyo, Japan, there has been a template of Normality installed and
enforced after many years of human nature carving it out. Basically, it's like
this: There's going to be a boy, a girl, and an absurd number of other girls.
All the girls will pursue the boy, except one which will be fairly reluctant to
even acknowledge that she cares about him. The boy will be attracted to this
one girl that happens to chase him the least. This sort of thing has happened
consistently in the history of Tokyo. From the dawn of civilization, a
primitive man ran hectically across the plains as a small army of women
stormed after him. A samurai met a humble farmer and his seven daughters.
A prince ran for cover as he discovers that his twelve mistresses arrived in
the same room waiting to surprise him for his birthday but instead were
surprised when they found out that they were all promised marriage to the
prince. The list goes on.
Have you ever heard of the saying "The more things change, the more they
stay the same"? That is very much correct.
However, lately, Normality has been suppressed. The boulder has met some
rather flat geography. For the longest time Tokyo has lacked such a fiery
romance as the ones of its past. Things were calm in the city. Too calm.
When Normality gets suppressed, it builds up like water in a dam. Or in
this case, maybe a flow of boulders in a dam. Whatever. The point is that
when it finally gets released, it flows steadily and rather viciously, with
alot of destruction, mayhem, and loud noise. Recently, the Normality had been
restored thanks to a foolish martial arts master and his son. However, the
hold that Normality had on this situation was weakening and it needed somebody
else to get shoved into the situation.

Normality isn't picky. It doesn't care WHO is stuck with the job as long as
SOMEBODY is stuck with the job.

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-In The Beginning-
------------------

"The fight... HAS JUST BEGUN! THIS IS REVENGE!!!" Ryoga roared, flinging
his umbrella at Ranma. Ryoga Hibiki had finally found his most hated rival,
and after what seemed like an eternity traveling mile after mile, across large
bodies of water and vast stretches of land, vengeance was going to be his...
"Revenge? Revenge for _what_? What'd I ever do to you to make you
want revenge on me?" Ranma was at a loss. He didn't remember this guy
too well and now he comes into school, making a crater in the sidewalk and
yelling hysterically about vengeance.
"Don't play dumb with me. I'm going to destroy your happiness.
You got it?"
"My... my happiness?" Ranma turned to Akane. "Akane, tell me something.
Am I happy? Ranma didn't think of himself as a particularly happy person.
Getting engaged to a violent tomboy and falling into a cursed spring don't make
for a very happy life, and he didn't see it getting any better anytime soon.
Ryoga looked at Ranma with hate-filled eyes. {What do you know about
suffering, Saotome? You've never walked in my shoes! You haven't been
subjected to the _horrors_ that I have had to endure! And I have been put
through absolute _hell_ because of YOU!}

==========
=PRELUDES=
==========

The Tendo household was peaceful. Everybody was out doing something:
Nabiki garnering funds from Kuno, Ranma being chased out in the streets
by Akane, Soun and Genma out to the hardware store to buy reinforcements
for the dojo, and Kasumi was cleaning up the kitchen.
In the living room, Kasumi's dinner was set on the table. Someone
crept in unseen, stood over the table, performed some unseen task, and
left silently.

***

Shampoo bicycled along the walls and rooftops of Nerima, bowl
of mind-altering-drug-spiced ramen in hand. She was happy. She thought
Ranma is finally going to take her on a date today.
With mind-boggling accuracy, she rocketed her bicycle off a roof and
into the Tendo's dining room.
She finally brought the bike to a stop and looked around... and noticed
exactly what Ranma was doing.

Shampoo screamed.

***

High above Nerima, Ryoga ran. Eyes full of tears, fists clenched, and a
pained expression on his face.
Akane was several blocks behind, calling out to Ryoga and wondering why he
was running and who he was running from. She couldn't keep up to his pace and
soon lost track of him.
Ryoga finally ran out of steam. He fell to his knees and started punching
the pavement in frustration.
Someone walked up to him, Ukyo Kuonji. Ryoga, by chance, had stopped
near her store. She asked him what was wrong. He turned away from her,
fists clenched. Then he told her.
She looked stunned, walked back to her store, shut the door, and
hung up the "We're Closed" sign.
Nearby, a Turn Right sign suddenly jumped around as if it was
incredibly happy. It bounded into the store.
It flew out much faster, followed by a flurry of small, very sharp throwing
spatulas.

***

The Kuno family ninja Sasuke bounded into the Kuno residence. He raced
into the room of Tatewaki Kuno. Nearby, Kodachi eavesdropped on the
conversation.
Sasuke bowed before Kuno, and spoke.
Something rare happened.
Tatewaki Kuno was angered beyond speech. He opened and closed his mouth
like a goldfish and rattled his bokken.
Elsewhere, an enraged Kodachi raced into the night, armed with her ribbon
and a large metal mallet.

***

Nowhere...

Entities were swirling in a place not quite existing, debating and arguing
amongst themselves.

I SENSE THE POTENTIAL IN HIM.
YES, THE TIME OF HIS DECISION IS NEAR.
THIS IS THE NEXT GREAT MAGE?
SO FAR HIS LIFE HAS NOT BEEN MUCH, HAS IT?
WHAT IF HE GOES MAD? THE CONSEQUENCES COULD BE DISASTEROUS.
EVERY GREAT MAGE GOES THROUGH GROWING PAINS.
HE IS NOT VERY STABLE.
HE HAS BEEN TRYING FOR SO LONG, HAS HE NOT?
YES, BUT HE SEEMS TO BE STUCK ON PAPER DOLLS...

***

The titanic Dojo Destroyer had finally found a part of a little known but
very much feared school of martial arts. This, he felt, would be his first
step in recovering from that disaster in the Tendo Dojo, where he first met
defeat. He was depressed for months, until finally he dedicated himself
once more to training and had sought out a suitable challenge. He stood
in the dojo, examining his opponent. His adversary was young, arrogant, and
overdressed. The Dojo Destroyer would have fun crushing this one.
"Are you ready?" the Dojo Destroyer rumbled.
"Sure." The young man grinned.

One minute later a young man was standing confidently, untouched, while
the Dojo Destroyer was out cold, a scar burned across his chest. The young
man turned his back to the destroyed Destroyer, sneering.

"Bah. Too easy."

==============
=END PREULDES=
==============

[Evening, September]

The sun set on another dull Nerima day. Through tired eyes, a sad
figure in a restaurant watched the setting sun, relieved another day was
over and wondering how many more he could take.
The grim demeanor he cast today was the afteraffects of one of the most
unexpected and traumatic events of his life. It had been a couple of months
since his life went to hell, and yet he still hurt as if it was just
yesterday. He closed his eyes.

"Hey...Ryoga... you awake?"

Ryoga snored, asleep and drowned in his own personal hell of memories
of past events.

--------

Ryoga stepped out of the house accidentally one day while looking for the
bathroom and when he managed to get back to the dojo (a week later) Akane
herself dropped the bomb on him.

Akane greeted Ryoga with a warm hug.
"Hey, Ryoga!" she said, "where've you been? I missed you!"
Ryoga was beyond stunned and suddenly high on Bliss.
"Well, I, um, was in some place... lots of sand..."
"I really wanted you to be here," she said. Ryoga's mind was tripping
out with Happiness. He might have achieved Terminal Nirvana if she didn't stop
with the affection.
"Oh, Akane... I..."
"You'll never guess what happened!"
"Um... Mr. Tendo won the lottery?"
"Nope."
"Ranma finally left?"
"Nope."
"Happosai died?"
"Wrong again! I'm getting married!"
"Wha... er... I mean, what?"
"Me and Ranma! We finally decided to go through with the engagement!"
"RANMA?!?" Ryoga went cold. "Why- how- when did you two..?"
"Surprised?" She asked.

Damn right he was surprised. He was gonna have a heart attack! The
high dosages of Bliss were soon replaced with lethal doses of Angst.
He proceeded to stand there as Akane went into detail on the day that Ranma
officially proposed to her, and how they celebrated the event happily, and
how they decided they were going to be married after they finished high school,
and how Mr. Tendo and Mr. Saotome had quickly thrown out a surprised Shampoo.
She didn't notice Ryoga flinching every now and then after one of her happy
giggles and sighs.

"Akane," Ryoga asked, looking serious, taking her hand, "tell me, are you
happy? With Ranma, I mean."
Quietly, she replied, "yeah, I really am. I didn't think we'd even
get to this point, but I... I love him"
"You didn't eat any weird spices, did you? Get hit on the head?"
"No, silly! I really want to do this."
"And... um... there's .... nobody else you... you...ever..."
"Huh?"
"Never mind." Ryoga sighed, put on his best I'm-happy-for-you face,
and looked at Akane. "Er... congratulations Akane, I'm happy for you..."
Akane gave another big hug. Ryoga was as uncomfortable as ham in a can.

With Ranma as his main competition for Akane's heart, Ryoga felt he was
sure to win. After all, Ranma treated her badly all the time and Ryoga
always was so nice to her. He just couldn't imagine Ranma winning this race.
But he did.

"Thanks Ryoga, that means alot to me."
"Let me go c-congratulate the Groom." He stepped out of the embrace.
"Where is R-Ranma?"
"He's out getting something for Kasumi. Are you okay? You look
a bit pale."
"I..I'll just g-go look for him. See you later, Akane."
Ryoga ran out, wandering the city.

--------

Ryoga went back one more time. He just had to know. He had to make
sure she was _really_ alright. Maybe she was being forced to act this
way by Ranma, maybe she accidentally ate Shampoo's mind-altering ramen,
maybe she got possessed by a spirit or something. Weird things happened
in Nerima.
He hid near the Tendo Dojo, waiting for Ranma to show up.
Ranma walked down the street whistling a happy tune, his defenses clearly
lowered alot (which was very unusual for Ranma).
Ryoga sprang up, surprised Ranma, and grabbed him by the neck.
"Damn you, Saotome."
"R*ack*Ryoga, I see *wheeze* you've heard the *ack* news."
Ryoga looked straight into Ranma's eyes. "Dammit, no lies now. Did she
REALLY say yes?"
*ack* "Yes."
Ryoga loosened his grip. "She didn't eat a spiced Shampoo dish meant for
you?"
"No."
"She isn't possessed by a spirit again, is she?"
"No!"
They stood there, frozen. Well, Ryoga was standing there frozen, Ranma
was being held by the neck so he couldn't move much anyways.
"Do you _really_ love her?"
"Yes!"
Ryoga started to glow with ki-power surrounding him.

Nobody moved. Time slowed down. Ryoga cast an angry glare.

"Get this straight," he said, "take good care of her, alright? If you
EVER hurt her," he closed his eyes, "I'LL KILL YOU!" he yelled, flinging
Ranma over the fence and into the Tendo pond.
That settled that. Ranma and Akane really did love each other.
Ryoga was too late.
The days following this traumatic event had Ryoga reeling. He was not only
lost in location but in mind. He wandered aimlessly. There were several times
when he saw _her_. Or he thought he saw _her_. Ryoga's heart couldn't take it
and so whenever he even thought she was nearby Ryoga ran away as fast as he
could. He didn't have much left in the world to look forward to.
Ryoga still had that old grudge against Ranma to settle, but killing him
would probably break Akane's heart. No matter what, Ryoga valued her
happiness.
He lost his love, a bright angel in his otherwise miserable life. She was
his only source of hope and happiness.
He lost his honorable duel, which fueled him through thousands of miles on
foot, across land and sea. The thirst for revenge gave him a purpose in life,
an honorable and noble quest.

Nobody to love, nobody to kill, he'd lost everything. Life sucked.

--------

"'Scuse me, earth to Ryoga!!! He-LLOOO?"

He tried not to think about it, really he did. Thinking about the whole
situation was hazardous.
The two hazardous things about Ryoga Hibiki are his talent and his state of
mind.
His talent is the ability to release an incredibly powerful blast of ki.
Unlike other martial artists who focus their ki by mere concentration or a
mantra, his ki was generated by depression.
Ryoga's state of mind WAS depression. He was depressed during roughly 70%
of his day, and 80% of his nights. It was really amazing that Ryoga grew up
to be so healthy and strong instead of... for example... like Gosunkugi.
Whenever ESPers passed by the Nerima district or Ryoga wandered near them,
they felt suddenly suicidal.
That's how depressed Ryoga was on an average day.
Deep in sleep, he growled. He saw the images of the past few weeks before
him. He envisioned Ranma, happy and triumphant before him, just too damn
arrogant, gloating over his countless victories over Ryoga. The kind of guy
Ryoga'd love to blast to hell. In a low voice, he growled "shishi houkou-"

*WHAM* "HEY!!!" SNAP OUT OF IT!!!"

Ryoga, head flattened by a titanic spatula, woke up. "What?"
"Ryoga, buddy, snap out of it! You were gonna blow up the restaurant!!!!"
"Ukyo, give me a break. I haven't blasted anything since last week."
"Ryoga... you can see me, right?"
"Clearly, yeah."
"The sun set a few minutes ago."
"So..." Ryoga wondered what her problem was. Ukyo was getting
overly-eager to use that spatula lately.
"Is the room dark?"
"No... wait a minute, why aren't the lightbulbs on?"
"Ryoga, look at yourself!"
"Oh... am I flaring up again? Excuse me a moment, I'll be outside."
Ukyo Kuonji watched as Ryoga walked, in a manner not unlike a zombie,
out the door and ki-blasted his depression into the sky. "That idiot.
Why do I put up with him."
Several dazed birds suddenly fell unto the roof of Ucchan's. They had been
unexpectedly shot down by a ki-blast of angst.

***

The days after Ryoga learned that Ranma and Akane were now an official
couple, Ryoga had wandered Nerima, barely managing to properly set up camp and
refusing to seek shelter in his pig-form back at the Tendos. He slowly became
a wrecked man, dirty, unkept, occasionally destroying property and beginning
to fall to illness.
This is exactly why he ended up staying at Ucchan's. She had spotted him,
a week after he had told her the news, looking ragged and ruined beyond
belief sitting in an alleyway. To her shock, he was also somewhat drunk.
When she first started telling him to take better care of himself, his
response was an angry "Go away!" This made her mad, and so she doused him
with water and carried a very agitated pig with a hangover back to her place.
After he sobered up, Ryoga didn't mind Ukyo's offer of help and refuge.
Ukyo was one of the few people Ryoga considered as a friend. After all, she
had helped him on several occasions to try to win over Akane. The other
"friends" of his were either people he didn't want to come into contact with
(Akane and Ranma) or were living with hazardous people (Mousse and his
situation with Shampoo and Cologne).

Ukyo set up the attic of Ucchan's to serve as a room for Ryoga, with
pig-friendly plumbing added by him. She didn't mind Ryoga's presence, just
as long as he helped out at the restaurant. Besides, she was scared that
his self-destructive habits would run wild if someone didn't watch over him.
Ukyo Kuonji was every bit as surprised as Ryoga was about Ranma's decision,
maybe even more. Before the news, she was confident that in the end, she'd
win Ranma's heart. She believed she was cuter than Akane, less psycho than
her other competitors for Ranma, could cook better than any of them too, and
knew Ranma for the longest time. She, as did the other fiancees, put up much
protest and property damage when they found out about his decision. For the
first time, Ranma actually showed a little backbone when dealing with the
female furies, which sent Kodachi and Shampoo over the edge and into a kind of
Fatal Attraction behavior. But unlike the rest, Ukyo cared more about how
Ranma felt as well, and was the first to surrender to her loss. She even sent
a congratulations card.
It didn't change the fact that she was devastated. Maybe as much as Ryoga.
However, Ukyo was never one to stand still. She was determined to get on with
her life. Her personality had obtained a slightly hard edge to it in dealing
with recent events, but she felt she was dealing with it far better than
certain other girls.

--------

Chinese Amazons are a very unstable lot.

Take for example a certain purple-haired Chinese Amazon known as Shampoo.
At the moment she was behind her store, the Nekohanten, armed with a sword
and practicing on straw dummies. When she had found out that Ranma had
proposed to Akane Tendo, (Shampoo had accidentally bike-crashed her way into
the moment he was proposing to Akane.) she wasn't sad.
*slash*
She wasn't filled with angst.
*whoosh*
Oh no, not her.
*whack*
Shampoo was _mad_.

It has been said that hell hath no fury like that of a woman spurned.
Whoever coined this phrase possibly met a Chinese Amazon, and may have
even married one.
The source of her aggravation was indeed from being spurned. It had set
off a mixed set of emotions within her. Shampoo had come to actually _hate_
Ranma. She didn't stop loving him, but she also hated him at the same time.
For a while, she had gone on a violent streak, which had done nothing for her
except earn her a court order to stay away from the Tendo residence for a
short time. In between the love and the hate, a sort of I-don't-care-anymore
mentality was growing, but not fast enough to prevent her anger from slowly
and surely heating up over time. Sooner or later it would boil over.

--------

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, her great-grandmother Cologne was cooking
up food and contemplating her dilemma. She had to have great-granddaughter
married to a strong warrior, and Ranma Saotome was the first to be able to
defeat Shampoo.
Unfortunately, Saotome had made his choice, and it wasn't Shampoo.
Furthermore, he had found a point of leverage when he discovered that their
residence in Japan was not exactly legal and angrily threatened Cologne with
deportation if she or Shampoo had put any more extreme measures to pressure
him into marrying Shampoo or made any threat on Akane. Cologne suspected
Nabiki Tendo's hand in this treachery, since Ranma certainly was never clever
enough to come up with such a plan. However, such a thread made against her
was a grievous insult, and Cologne was beginning to resent the tremendous
lack of it she had always gotten from Ranma. Sure, he was a strong fighter,
but he was too smart for his own good sometimes.
Cologne hadn't written off the idea of ensnaring Ranma yet. She just
stopped putting pressure on him for the moment. It was time to get a backup
plan. She couldn't return to China and allow Shampoo to come home twice
in dishonor. Cologne was determined that Shampoo _would_ find a husband in
Japan before ever setting foot in China again.

--------

On the roof of the Nekohanten, Mouse was watching the stars come out.
Mousse felt like he was one lucky duck.
At last, there were no more rivals for Shampoo's heart! The only things
that stood in his way now were that old ghoul Cologne and Shampoo herself,
but that would not be enough to stop him.
Mousse stood up and rang out his new battle cry: "You will be mine,
Shampoo!!! Oh yes, You will be mine! A-HAHAHAHAHAHA!!"

--------

Alone in the family garden, Tatewaki Kuno stood, bokken at the ready,
practice targets around him. Kuno was one of a long line of kendo masters, and
his arrogant behavior served to remind everyone of that fact. He had been,
until a year ago, the undefeated kendo champion of Furinkan high. Undefeated,
that is, until the evil sorcerer Ranma Saotome had come to town. Using various
black arts he had thwarted Kuno on various occasions. Kuno went to extremes
in finding ways to defeat Saotome. He had his ninja spy on the Tendo residence
frequently. He had allied himself with an incompetent mage that played with
dolls too much and wrinkled old trolls with bizarre abilities. He had even
gone through an extremely hazardous training technique which had indeed
improved his mighty skills even more but had temporarily left him with
amnesia and had permanently installed the reflex to slice nearby watermelons
with blazing speed, accuracy, and in even slices.

What would drive a man to such extremes?

Primarily, it was his extreme obsession with Akane Tendo and the
Pig-Tailed Girl. Akane was the girl whose heart he had long chased after.
Akane was like a goddess of war, strong, unconquerable, and beautiful.
The pig-tailed girl was a mysterious figure. She was to him a modern
day Venus, strong in vitality and beauty. The cur Saotome had time and again
dared to stand in Kuno's way in his quest to win the hearts of these two
women. Anyone who knew Kuno wasn't surprised that he decided to chase them
both. He was always in extremes.
Kuno was extremely enraged when he heard the news that Saotome had the
gall to claim his engagement to Akane was now official. His rather limited
reasoning capacity would not allow for the possibility of Akane not being his.
However, there was a spark of intelligence within Kuno's mind which realized
something: If Ranma was truly to dedicate himself to Akane only, that would
mean... that would mean the Pig-Tailed Girl would now be free!!!!
More than ever before, Kuno was _extremely_ fixed on the pig-tailed girl.
This point was emphasized by the four meter tall poster of her hanging
from his ceiling (Now that Akane's poster was down, there was more room).
The price of pig-tailed girl photos from Nabiki had tripled in price and
yet Kuno did not even raise a hint of protest. Another hint of his mania
was the twenty page love note he was in the middle of writing.

Kuno's sister, Kodachi, would normally be somewhere in the house,
cooking intentionally toxic food or scheming to assassinate Akane Tendo.
Run of the mill wicked sister stuff.

Unfortunately, she violated the court order restricting her from going
anywhere near the Saotomes or Tendos.

The phone rang. Kuno's eyes widened. "SASUKE! HALT!"
Sasuke appeared suddenly before him. "Master Kuno?"
"Don't answer the phone."
"But Master, what if it's mistress Kodachi?"
"Do _not_ answer the phone. Do you understand?"
"... Yes Master."
Kuno breathed a sigh of relief. The phone rang on. He'd let the
answering machine pick it up.

"//Greetings. You have indeed reached the sanctuary of the great and
noble Kuno family. Alas, we are unable to respond to your calls at the
moment, so please leave thy name, phone number, and the message which you
which to impart upon our ears after the tone. Thank you.//"

*BEEP* "Hello? Brother dear? Sasuke? Daddy? Is anyone there?"

Kuno could have bailed her out, but why bother? It wasn't that he
wasn't close to his sister. He was, in a sense, ever since the time when
their father had abandoned them both for a long vacation in Hawaii. It was
just that it had been so long since the Kuno house was so peaceful, and
Tatewaki had just discovered this _really_ good takeout restaurant.

--------

Gosunkugi hauled a big stack of books into his room and carefully organized
them. These books were at an old bookstore, one of those dusty kinds that
you only find in the out-of-the-way places. Gosunkugi had heard of a rumor
about some magical books there and so without hesitation he tracked down the
store and sure enough, there was a shelf dedicated to magic! The owner had
warned that messing with magic could be dangerous, but Gosunkugi didn't care.
After all, life was risk.
There was one book... one book that seemed to beckon to him. He heard
whispers in his head when he just looked at it.
It spooked him.
Gosunkugi wasn't one to try overwhelming projects, and _that_ particular
book, he felt, was something he shouldn't mess with until he got the thing with
the paper dolls figured out properly.
He thumbed through several other books until he found an interesting spell.
"Hm... the supernatural assasin." he mumbled. "summons a spirit to kill the
person who you wish eliminated. The summoned spirit may take on the appearance
of the summoner, but no other unusual effects known."
Gosunkugi sat there. He thougth about it.
"Aw heck, why not?" he mumbled, and read the instructions. He put several
candles on his head, drew a circle on the floor, and began chanting:

"Forces of darkness
Lords of shadows
bring me a spirit
to kill the source of my sorrows!"

Outside, the winds blew harder, thunder rumbled. From within, Gosunkugi's
candles flickered out. He looked at the circle in anticipation. Suddenly,
he heard a voice, a deep demonic voice:

"We're sorry, all spiritual assasins are currently under union strike and
are unavailable for service. We hope to settle our differences with
management soon and return to duty. Until then, leave your name, phone
number, and adress, and we'll send a representative to you immediately after
the negociations are done. Have a nice day!"

Gosunkugi sighed. He kneeled in front of the circle, treating it like
a rather large phone, and said "I'm Hikaru Gosunkugi, my number is..."

--------

Outside, a gentle drizzle had just begun to fall, darkening the skies and
making travel undesirable by Jusenkyo-challenged folk.
In the Tendo household it was a typical day. Genma-panda and Soun
were playing their infinite rounds of shogi, Kasumi was cooking in the
kitchen, and Nabiki was talking to her squad of assistants on the phone.
Ranma was sitting, watching television, with Akane leaning on his side.
This wasn't typical.
If this was a preview of married life, it wasn't bad. Not bad at all.
It was a big surprise to many that Akane and Ranma liked each other at all.
Most people who saw Akane and Ranma together usually saw the pair yelling at
each other and Ranma running away from a well armed Akane.
There were several times when Akane was almost lost to him. Being as
thick-headed as he was, it took all of those several times (when she was
taken by that Kirin guy, that Toma guy, almost getting dumped for that
Shinnosuke guy, etc etc etc the list goes on...) for him to finally realize
exactly why he was fighting so damn hard any time Akane got in trouble.
He really did care about her. And one day he realized how short life was
and thus proposed to her and she happily responded with a "Yes!"

At least, that's how he thought it went.

Since the engagement was made official, they'd gotten along much better.
They both thought it probably had something to do with their little
post-engagement celebration, but this isn't THAT kind of a story so we'll
skip the details and just say that their relationship took at least one
step forward. She'd only punted him through the roof once since then, and
that was a big improvement from before. Not only that, but no more badgering
from his dad or Mr. Tendo.
However, that didn't mean all was well in Nerima. The major threat of
massive property damage was increased from it's already very high levels.
Tatewaki Kuno had stepped up the frequency and ferocity of his attacks, as
well as increasing his wooing of Akane and especially of the Pig-Tailed
girl.
Ranma was especially worried about Ryoga. He knew that Ryoga's
ki-blasts were fueled by depression, and he was afraid one day he'd wake up
to see a Mega shishi houkou-dan wiping out the entire city.

"Hey, Ranma, you notice that Ryoga's been hanging out at Ukyo's alot
lately?" Akane asked, slightly derailing Ranma's line of thought.
"Well, yeah."
"You think Ryoga and Ukyo are... y'know..."
This was something new to Ranma. Ukyo and Ryoga? Ryoga and Ukyo? Either
way it didn't sound too bad at all.
"Well," Akane continued, "I think they'd make a sweet couple."
"Hm... you think so?"
"Hey, how about we do a little matchmaking? Ryoga's always seemed so
lonely."
He never woulda guessed. "Why Ryoga, that sly little pig. Him and
Ukyo, eh? That wouldn't be bad at all. Why not?" Ranma knew that despite
their rivalry, Ryoga was an honorable guy. Very loyal to people too. Besides,
if Ryoga got a girlfriend, it would be like diffusing a nuclear warhead.
And if that girlfriend was Ukyo, then there's two potential problems
solved with everyone happy. There was still the problem with Shampoo, and he
knew that the current solution to that problem wouldn't work in the long run.
He decided to call Mousse later and plot some tricks with food and spices.
Turnabout was fair play too, wasn't it?
"Speaking of pigs, I wonder where P-Chan went. It's been a month, I'm
getting worried."
"Ah, he'll be alright. He always comes back, right?" Ranma wrote a
mental note to himself: Buy small black pig ASAP. Get bandanna from Ryoga.
Akane snuggled closer to Ranma. "Hey, Ranma, what do you want for dinner?
"Kasumi hasn't planned anything yet?"
Akane smiled proudly and said "I'm cooking tonight."
"Akane," he said, holding her close, looking deeply into her eyes.
She felt his breath on her lips, his hands on her shoulders. She leaned
forward so her forehead was touching his. "Yeah?" she whispered.
"We're going to be married soon, y'know? I don't wanna die."
He smiled. She blinked and gave him a light peck on the lips and then
a swift elbow to the gut. "Jerk..." she said with a smile, resuming her
previous position leaning against him.

"Now, I'm not saying that your cooking hasn't improved," said Ranma. Akane
smiled. "I'm just saying that it's still incredibly bad."

*WHAM*

Akane examined the new sunlight that she added to the roof. "When will he
learn to keep his big mouth shut."

"Me and my big mouth," Ranma groaned, taking the scenic route _high_ above
Nerima. Off he went, hit by the drizzle and transformed into a girl, over
the Tendo's, past Furinkan High, waaay up there. At the rate she was going,
it looked like Akane was going to tie her record for distance. {Seems like
Akane hasn't lost her touch, eh? Hm... at let's see... speed... trajectory...
a-huh... I oughta be landing really far today.}
As Ranma flew past the Nekohanten, she spotted something. {Oh, wait, what
was that down there? Hey, it's Mousse. Haven't seen him in a while. Guess
I'll say hi.}

"Heeeeeyyyyy Moooouuuuuuussee!!!"

Mousse looked around from under his umbrella. He adjusted his glasses.
He looked around again. Cloudy skies and still streets greeted his eye.

"Strange," he muttered to himself, "now I'm hearing things."

--------

There was a room.
Actually, it was more like a garage.
Strewn on the floor were various mechanical bits, wrenches, ratchets, bolts,
some oil spots, and miscellaneous stains from working with large mechanical
items.
On the walls were various blueprints and sketches. A Mishima Heavy
Industries calendar was hung there as well, opened up to Miss June in the
cockpit of a Poison-1 assault hoverjet.
Supported by various metal frames were several strange items, such as a
large potted plant, a park bench, a turn left sign, a trashcan, and a large
sign. Out from under the turn left sign emerged what appeared to be a little
blond girl. This was, in fact, Tsubasa. He'd been making several dramatic
improvements in the durability of his costumes. There were two major reasons
why, really. First, Ukyo, his love of a lifetime, had a tendancy to get very
violent, and those disguises were not cheap to replace. Second, the crowd
that she was a part of had a tendancy to cause large explosions or other
various disasterous effects, which also wrecked his costumes. Maybe in the
short run, a ceramic-armor mailbox or a teflon-cushoned turn left sign might
be expensive, but in the long run, he felt it would pay off.

--------

*WHAM*

Ranma crashed down into a pile of trash cans. She got up, brushed herself
off, and promptly got slammed back into the trash cans by another flying
(now crashing) person. To be exact, it was a skinny brown-haired teen.
"Ouch," the newcomer said, "dammit, I hate when Shinobu acts like that..."
"Gedoffameee..." Ranma muttered.
Suddenly, the stranger stood up. "Oh, sorry about that. Let me help you
up." He helped Ranma up and they both began brushing themselves off.
"Hi there, Ataru Moroboshi. Sorry about that."
"Ataru Moroboshi? Hey, I've seen you on TV. Something about aliens..."
"Whatever it was, it wasn't my fault."
"Er.. sure. I'm Ranma Saotome." They shook hands.
Ataru looked at Ranma carefully. Normally, he wouldn't hesitate to try
and hit on a girl, or at least get in a cheap feel, and this girl was pretty
cute. But something deep in Ataru's soul warned him that something was wrong.
He hadn't had this feeling since he met that guy who dressed up like a girl...
hm.... it couldn't be. She was just too cute. But... his gut instinct was
warning him, so he just had to ask.
"Say... you're a guy, aren't you." Ataru said.
"Er... yeah."
Ataru was relieved that he listened to his instincts.
"What's with the sex change? I mean, I felt'em when I landed on you.
Those things are obviously not just cotton stuffed under a bra."
"Long story." Ranma muttered. Ataru figured maybe it was one of those weird
sex-change zapguns that those obnoxious aliens sometimes carry. He foud out
about those from personal experience.
"So, tell me, what were you doing in the garbage pile?" asked Ataru.
"My fiancee hit me."
"You're engaged to a violent man?" Ataru asked.
"Er... no. I'm engaged to a girl."
"Let me get this straight," said Ataru, "no joke intended, but you got a
sex change, and then got engaged to a girl? Is she..."
"No!"
"Are you..."
"No!"
"O-kay... so, you've got a strong fiancee, huh?"
"Yeah, especially when she gets angry. Got me with an uppercut today.
What happened to you?"
"Ex-fiancee, spinning toss."
"Hm. I'm familiar with that. Say, where am I anyways? I kinda lost track
while flying outta the Furinkan area."
"You're in the Tomobiki area right now."
Suddenly, the crackling sound of electricity was heard around the corner.
"Daaaarling! Where are you?" a feminine voice called out.
"Damn! It's her!" Ataru yelled.
"Her? Your ex-fiancee?"
"No," he replied, "my... wife... in a sense... she kinda forced herself
on me, y'know? The overly affectionate and deadly type."
"Yeah, I can sympathize. She a Chinese Amazon by any chance?"
"Nope. Alien Oni Devil. Look, I gotta get outta here. See ya later."
"Bye."
Ranma watched Ataru run down the street, shrugged, and went on her way.

-------

At the side of a house, a person dressed all in black crept.
He picked the back door lock.
He crept in and closed the door behind him.
Minutes passed.
He crept back out, looking very puzzled, and walked into the night.

- end part 1 -