Ranma 1/100th Part 4

[Lee Ginther]

Ranma 1/100th
Vol 1: A Date That Will Live in Infamy
Chapter 4

Credits:
Produced by Horde O' Hentai Productions, Literature Division
Darren Demaine: Chairman of the Horde, President for Life
(Chance of parole in 20 years)
Lee (Grey Wolf): Pun Minister, Guy We Rub for Luck
Rob (Barbarian): P.U. Officer, Breath Weapon Specialist
Craig (Dr. Ruminahui): Minister of Foreign Affairs
(Until we caught him at it)
Series Concept: Darren Demaine
Written by: Darren Demaine (Regular at the Pizza Cat;
Division Commander, Santovasku 6th Army;
Master of the Kaiser Wave)
Author not giving any royalties to: Takahashi Rumiko-no-megamisama

Chapter 4 of the 1/100th fan-fic. To comment on my work, leave mail for
me at [grey...@ffarm.ampr.ab.ca]

What has previously happened: Offered a cure for the curse by the kami Darken
(brevet third class limited probational), the gang went to Jhusenkyo only to
be ambushed by Princess Yukino, who had quite a complaint against Darken. In
the resulting chaos, the cure was stolen and the guys captured. It looks
dark for our heroes.
-----------------------------------------------------------------

"Where they go?" Shampoo asked, turning towards her great-grandmother.
Cologne narrowed her eyes and looked over the spot where the teleportation
globe faded from sight.
"It is impossible to say, granddaughter. That was powerful magic the
princess used; I do not have the skill necessary to track her."
Akane looked horrified. "But...but how will we get Ranma and the others
back?"
"There is only one way," Cologne said, her voice hard and determined;
setting herself for the grim task ahead.
"Yes?" the girls asked, leaning in.
"It is a dangerous option," Cologne continued, staring each girl in the
face for a moment. "The way is fraught with peril, the risks immense; for we
must take danger itself with us on this path."
"Yes?" the girls continued. Cologne took a deep breath, and paused; the
tension thick enough to cut with a knife.
"We'll have to have Darken show us where she lives."
The girls face-faulted.
Nabiki rolled her eyes and wandered over to the pool that Darken had
taken the plunge into. A small amount of bubbles continued to break the
otherwise smooth surface. "Speaking of the kami-chan; shouldn't we wait to
see what the dip did to the drip? He might not be in any condition to help us
after he comes out of this." After a moment of reflection, she turned to
face the other girls with a sly grin on her face. "Anyone care to place a
bet on what he comes out as?"
Before any money could be put down, a rumbling came forth from the pool.
Nabiki moved away as the water started to churn and froth. Suddenly a shape
burst up through the liquid, spraying water everywhere. The dark entity
landed on its hind legs and held its front appendages up in an expression of
rage.
"Damn you Yukino! How dare you attack a card-carrying member of the
divine! For that grave insult, you will surely suffer all the wrath that I
can call forth from heaven!"
Standing before the started girls was a very damp, but certainly normal
(relatively), Darken. His wet clothes plastered to his frame and his damp
hair flat, he pointed a finger where the princess had been standing. "When
I get my hands on you, I'll make you regret you ever laid eyes on-" he
stopped; blinked a few times, and looked around quickly. "Oh," he muttered;
sounding somewhat let down. "She left already. Darn; and I had this great
speech worked out too." He started to wring out his clothes, then noticed
that the gang of girls was watching him with mixed expressions: from Nabiki's
bored gaze, to Kasumi's pleasant smile, to the looks of surprise on most of
the rest. "Er...is something wrong?" he asked.
Akane came forward, hesitantly. "Darken; you fell into Jhusenkyo. How
come you haven't changed into something else?"
Darken paused, blinking. He turned to look at the pool he had fallen
into, then smirked. Turning back to the girls, his face settled into a look
of self-assured haughtiness. "It is because; my dear humans, that I am above
the petty little problems that you fear. Because of my lofty position in the
cosmos, I am immune to things that cause great peril for ones such as you.
The curse of Jhusenkyo is but a molehill for one of my stature. I need not
remind you after all, that I am a kami."
"Oh my," Kasumi said, placing a hand to her cheek in amazement. "The
capacity of the kami are truly wonderful. Even the powers of a brevet third
class limited probational one." Darken's look of greatness frayed a little
around the edges at that comment, but he held on.
"Of course; I laugh in the face of Jhusenkyo. Muhahahaha!!" His proud,
almost maniacal laughter rang out.
Cologne nodded. "Undoubtedly, Darken. And the fact that you fell into
the only pool in Jhusenkyo that never had anything drown in it has no bearing
on this at all."
His laughter cut off in mid ha, the image Darken portrayed suffered a
direct hit to its ramparts. His ego visibly crumbling to dust, Darken
slouching over and looked at the girls. "You know about that?"
They all nodded. Blushing, Darken returned to drying himself off. "We
better get going. If I don't get to Yukino-sama soon, there's no telling
what could happen to the Dragon's Tooth."
"And we can't just let her have Ran-chan and the others," Ukyou said,
readying her kick-ass spatula.
Darken looked up, startled. "Hmm...that's right. I suppose I should
save them too."

* * *

In the large, grand hall (seen in Darken's flash-back), Princess Yukino
was sitting on a elaborate throne at one end. To one side of her chair, a
clear glass case was set; locked tightly by an ornate padlock. Inside the
case, reflecting the lights from above, the Dragon's Tooth was visible. On
Yukino's other side, Kaitei was standing impassively, his arms folded,
staring at the new arrivals with a sneer of disgust. Between the pillars
that lined the long hall, the men of the cast were slowly shaking their heads
as Yukino removed the hypnosis she had cast over them.
"Hey!" Ranma shouted. "I don't know what your problem is lady, but
we're not going to take being dragged here lying down!"
"That's right," Mousse added, readying a boomerang. "Return me to my
lovely Shampoo this instant!" The rest of the guys also set themselves into
poses of combat. Yukino looked down at them with some amusement.
"Really now...calm yourselves gentlemen. It's already been demonstrated
that my powers can overwhelm you. You can't defeat me, and I have an offer
to make you."
"Why you-" Ranma began, about to rush her. Soun grabbed him and
whispered in his ear.
"Ranma-kun! She's right! We can't stand up to her bewitching powers!
Let's listen to what she has to say and see if we can work something out.
Besides, she might feed us if we're nice." For a moment, Ranma snarled. He
looked around for any way out, but finally calmed down and paid attention;
his eyes constantly being drawn to the Dragon's Tooth.
Waiting for them to submit to the inevitable, Yukino nodded slightly and
began. "As you heard me say back in your world, I am in the process of
looking for a good man to become my husband."
"As if anyone would marry that stuffy, aggressive chick," Ranma muttered
to himself. Ryoga elbowed him in the ribs to keep quiet.
"For a long time I tried relying on matchmakers, suitors, suggestions
from friends and advisors. All failed. All the choices were terrible men.
Flawed beyond belief! All were only interested in themselves! It was as if
the gods themselves were mocking me! Finally," here she growled, bearing her
teeth. "I had proof they were." She turned her head and looked at the
pillar nearest to her. Stapled up, there was a picture of a moronically
grinning Darken; several darts were stuck into the photo.
"At that point," Yukino continued, "I realized that if I wanted
something done right, I had to be willing to do it myself. So, I have
decided that you will be first lot of choices that I pick myself. If
necessary, I'll keep this up until I find someone...anyone worthy enough to
reign at my side." She stared at the men critically. "Since you can't beat
me, it's in your own best interests to try and make the best of your
situation. Depending on how happy I am with my choice will determine if I
release the rest of you or not."
As the guys mulled the conditions over, Yukino nodded to Kaitei. The
bodyguard bowed, and turned to the men. "Who would present himself before
Princess Yukino-sama first?" Stepping forwards proudly, Kuno struck a
dashing pose and began to speak.
Happosai took that moment to use Kuno's head as a springboard to jump
forwards, driving Kuno's face into the floor. "Yukino-chan!" the perverted
master yelled as he bounded forwards. "Wait no longer! Your loving groom
Happo-chan is here!"
Kaitei slammed a fist into the bouncing hentai, knocking him into a
pillar. Reaching into the imprint Happosai left in the stone, the bodyguard
yanked the stunned master out and held him up before Yukino for inspection.
She barely spared him a glance then waved her hand in a shooing motion.
"Too short and way too old." Kaitei turned back to the guys, let go of
Happosai, and punted him across the hall into the far wall.
Yukino looked over at Soun, who jumped at the critical way she eyed him;
he'd seen the same look in his middle daughter's eyes before. "Hmm...nothing
too impressive; a strictly regular face, a rather dull body, can't say much
for the hair...I can't imagine why anyone would choose him for a husband,"
the princess finally remarked.
While Soun's body shrunk in proportion to his diminishing ego, the
princess turned her gaze on Genma. Sweating wildly, Genma started to babble.
"Really now, Yukino-sama!...Surely you could find a better choice then
myself!" Images of Nodoka and her sword danced through his head. "There are
younger, stronger men here! Besides, I'm already married! It would really
be unfortunate for me...er, I mean you, if my wife came looking for me...er,
I mean us!"
Hearing that, Yukino's face grimaced for a moment, then she turned her
eyes to Kuno, who had pulled his face from the floor. Noticing that she was
looking at him, Kuno flicked his hair back.
"Like the mailman who brings forth good tidings, so does the gaze of
fair damsels finally arrive at Kuno Tatewaki, age 17. As the remote control
allows sampling of the best the airwaves have to offer; so will the
affections of my glorious self bestow upon you the multiple joys of this
life. As only I have the breeding, character, class and grace to truly treat
a gentle rose like yourself properly; so thus must you close your eyes to
further searching, while opening them to my magnificent self. For your sake,
fair princess, I will date with you!"
By now, Yukino was slouched in her throne, leaning her cheek against her
fist. "I hate poetry," she said.
"Picky girl," Soun muttered as Yukino's attention shifted to Mousse.
"The glasses give you a serious air," the princess admitted. "What can
you bring to me as my husband?"
Mousse pointed his finger, a defiant look firmly planted on his face.
"I will never, ever, be your husband! For my heart belongs to only one
other! To make me forget my lovely Shampoo, you'll have to hypnotize me for
the rest of my life! Enslave my body and mind, but my heart will always fly
free with the clouds!"
Mousse's speech was impassioned, pure, and delivered from the soul. It
was a heartfelt speech that was presented, with feeling, to a pillar.
The princess slouched in her chair even more. "I knew finding a good
man would be difficult," she muttered. "But suddenly, those previous choices
I mentioned don't seem so bad." Trying a different strategy, Yukino
straightened up and beamed charmingly at the next contestant. "You know,"
she hinted to Ryoga, "you're really cute." He blushed. "I think I might be
able to get to like you; what do you think?"
His face crimson, Ryoga scratched the back of his head. "Ah...you think
so? Y-you really do?" He smiled foolishly. "I-I don't know what to
say...It-it's all so s-s-sudden..."
Her hand over her eyes, Yukino moaned softly as she shook her head. "He
could, at least, possess a backbone." Eyes filled with utter despair, she
turned her gaze on Ranma. "And how about you? Are you as flawed as the rest
of this lot?"
"Wouldn't you like to know, you stuffy bitc-" Before finishing that
sentence, Ranma was mobbed by the rest of the gang who covered his mouth and
dragged him behind a pillar. Ryoga waved his hand at the princess. "Excuse
us! We'll have him back in a moment."
"Ranma!" his father whispered at him urgently. "What do you think
you're doing?"
"What am I doing?!" he snapped back quietly. "I'm trying to tell that
pushy, overbearing, so-called girl were exactly she can-"
Mousse clobbered Ranma over the head. "Baka!" he whispered. "She's
rejected the rest of us. You're the only person left who can get close
enough to her to get that Dragon's Tooth."
"We're this close to a cure," Ryoga said, grabbing him by his collar.
"I'm not going to let you mess it up! Now go and be a good little fiancee
for that princess!"
"Come on Ranma, it's not like another fiancee is really going to cause
you that much trouble," Mousse informed him.
Ranma's father nodded. "What's one more when you still have to work it
out with the other six girls I-" Genma suddenly realized what he'd said and
clasped his own hands over his mouth.
"Six?!?" Ranma shouted at his father, shock rapidly turning into anger.
From her chair, Yukino watched as Genma sailed through the air and
crashed into a pillar opposite from the rest. Ranma walked into sight and
stomped up in front of her. Taking a deep breath, Ranma coughed once, then
wiped his face of the annoyed look he normally had; replacing it with a
determined, yet compassionate expression.
"I can understand your problem," he began, turning on all the patented
charm of the Saotome-Ryu-school-of-making-women-fall-in-love-with-you. "And
since you'll only accept the best, I know that you'll choose me from this lot
of sorry losers."
Yukino looked him over. "Kind of arrogant, aren't you?" she remarked,
sizing him up; Ranma bared his teeth at that.
"Listen up, you stup-" he began before Ryoga and the others rose up
from behind and clobbered him. While everyone clutched a limb, Ryoga held
Ranma's head up and mouth closed.
"Sure he's arrogant, but just look at the possibilities! A backbone
that never bends, no matter what happens; he couldn't recite poetry if his
life depended on it! Definitely nothing bland about him! And his features!
Well, I admit the face could do with some serious work, but otherwise, it's
a real find!"
"Since when did you become my cheering section?" Ranma whispered.
"Shut up and keep smiling," Ryoga whispered back. Each of the others
used this opportunity to try and twist Ranma's limbs into positions as yet
unconsidered by the chiropractic profession; struggling for a few moments,
Ranma finally broke free of the grasp and clobbered Happosai over the head.
"That hurts!"
The ancient master responded by flipping Ranma into the air; he came
down hard on Kuno's head. Swinging his sword, 'Blue Thunder' kongked Mousse;
four seconds later the whole gang was busy in one of their dust-raising
brawls.
The princess silently watched the result for a long moment, then
responded with a simple smile. She stood up from her chair and walked over.
The fight died down by the time she got there, and she looked at Ranma, who
was standing on his father's head.
"What I've seen of you so far impresses me. You're obviously a fighter
and a determined man. I won't have anyone less then someone I can respect by
my side. What is your name?"
"Saotome Ranma."
"Very well, Saotome Ranma, I will take you as my own." She reached out
her arms and took Ranma by his hands. Without turning, she spoke to her
bodyguard. "Kaitei, take the rest of these...guests...down to a chamber and
see that they are watched. I have some things to discuss with my new
fiancee."
Glancing daggers at Ranma, Kaitei bowed and began to shoo the guys out
of the room. As the gang parted company, each was deep in there own
thoughts.
Ranma, smiled at the princess, his thoughts elsewhere: <I don't care
what it takes, I'll get that cure!>
Ryoga, grinning as he watched the princess with his rival: <Once
Akane-san sees that Ranma picked up another woman of his own free will;
heheheh. It's finally the opening I need!>
Mousse, also considering the princess and Ranma: <Shampoo will never
forgive Saotome for taking another bride! Finally; my true love will come to
me!>
Kuno: <How impure are the acts of Saotome. It is so like one such as
him to proclaim one love, then to flaunt that love by the attempted conquest
of another. His behaviour is most shameful! Never will I forgive him!>
Soun: <Saotome-kun will not get out of his promise that easily!>
Genma: <Ranma marrying up in the world...hmm...Nodoka would like that.>
Happosai: <I wonder where the chambers of the ladies-in-waiting are?>
The guys finally led out of the chamber, the princess smiled up at her
new man. "I hope you don't mind, but there's someone I just simply have to
tell about our engagement." Her smile changed, becoming more predatory as
her brows drew together. "With any luck, he'll just DIE when he hears the
news...or he'll just die anyway..."

* * *

Outside, on a gently rolling plain that seemed to possess ethereal
beauty, a small speck of light was glimmering. After a moment, it expanded
into a large, blue globe of energy. With a small 'popping' noise, it
vanished, leaving seven figures standing on the alien plane.
Taking a look around, Darken nodded. "There, I told ya if you gave me
enough time, I'd eventually find Yukino-sama's place. Besides; stopping at
the Bazaar of Deva was a learning experience for you all."
Ukyou, finished looking around, turned back to their guide. "I don't
see any palace nearby. Where is that snotty, boy-stealing girl anyway?"
"I teleported us a small ways away from the palace," Darken explained,
facing the girls. "The key element to a successful mission is stealth, and
Yukino-sama couldn't possibly know where I've brought you."
"Want to bet," came a new voice from behind Darken.
"AAAAA!!" replied the kami; who leapt four feet vertical, and six feet
horizontal in surprise. He ended up clutching Cologne much the same way
Cologne held onto her walking stick; with both arms and legs.
Behind the spot Darken had just vacated, there was a slightly
transparent hologram of Princess Yukino; a sly grin on her face. Bowing
mockingly, she waved one hand out. "Welcome to my realm."
Kasumi bowed politely in return. "Thank you very much for your welcome.
I hope that as guests we don't inconvenience you too much."
Cologne looked at the kami hanging onto her for a moment, then knocked
him to the ground. Stunned, Darken stared up at the hologram. "Well...I'd
never have thought to look for us here," he muttered.
"Darken," Yukino said, sounding snide, "as a kami, you do more to
promote a belief in atheism than any other being in the universe."
Shampoo stepped forwards. "You give Shampoo back her Ranma right now!"
The hologram smiled a secret smile that left everyone watching a little
uneasy. "I'm afraid that won't be possible, my dears. You see, I've invited
him to my forth-coming wedding; and I just couldn't imagine the event to be
complete without him. In fact, I think I'll show you the groom right now."
With a flicker beside her hologram, another ghostly image appeared. A
tall, dark haired figure with a pony-tail and one hand rubbing the back of
his head. On his face, a stupid and clearly hesitant grin split his features
as he watched the girls nervously.
"RANMA!?!"
Nabiki shook her head. "I knew she was desperate for a husband, but I
didn't realize it was this bad."
"He's not hypnotized is he?" Cologne asked, staring at her future
son-in-law closely.
"Nope," Darken muttered; his electronic notebook making tri-corder
noises. "According to this, he's freely accepting the ball and chain."
"Ran-chan," Ukyou asked, her voice threatening to break, "what are you
doing? Tell me you aren't marrying that-that woman."
Gulping once, Ranma took a moment to speak. "E-easy there everyone;
it's all under control. I'm sure you realize," he began, trying to drop a
hint to the girls, "that she's the only one who can give me what I really
want."
Naturally, the girls took it the wrong way.
"NANI?!" "How dare you say that!" "Shampoo always ready to give Ranma
what he want! What Ranma need now is pounding!" "Ranma! When I get my
hands on you, I'll-"
Getting to his feet while this was going on, Darken walked towards the
projection of Yukino. A serious look on his face, Darken asked,
"Yukino-sama; are you truly going to marry him?" The princess, smirking,
nodded once. "Well," Darken continued, seriously. "In that case..."
His face suddenly spit into a huge grin. "Your wish is fulfilled!
Since you found him chasing after me; I'm responsible for finding you a
husband!"
KA-BAM!!
When the flashes of colour faded, the resulting scene displayed Darken's
face driven into the ground, with his hands doing the pointer, pinkie, and
thumb extension. On top of his head was a brightly coloured mace, a large
spatula, and a very heavy wooden mallet.
While Ukyou and Shampoo alternated between pointing accusing fingers at
Yukino and trying to outdo the other for Ranma's attention, Akane was gently
rubbing a finger over the rose clipped to her blouse. Nabiki leaned over to
her sister. "While I realize he isn't much, aren't you going to fight for
him?" With her lower lip between her teeth, Akane looked up at the two
ghostly figures; then stepped forwards with a determined pace.
"Yukino," she said in a voice that cut through the bickering of the
other two girls. All heads (except Darken's, who was busy trying to pull it
from the ground) turned her way. "There is something about him you must
know."
<Oh please,> Ranma thought, sweating. <Don't tell her we're iinazuke,
Akane! She's fickle enough as is! That could kill any chance I'll have to
get the Tooth!>
"I have made my choice," the princess said, haughtily. "Nothing you say
could possibly be of any consequence."
"No?" Akane asked, giving her own sly smile to the princess. "Well
then, how about this..." She paused, noticing that everyone was staring at
her, waiting for her response. Taking a nervous breath, she continued,
"R-Ranma is-"
"Arrogant, selfish, stupid, lazy, rough, crude, headless, cheap,
unfaithful, a glutton, rude, short tempered, a pervert, opinionated, battle
happy, and he can't hold his liquor."
Ranma's face, while it still possessed that look of fear, was
transformed somewhat by the large sweat drop running down the side of his
head.
Nabiki slouched. "An interesting way to fight for him, Akane," she
muttered.
Darken leaned over to Kasumi and whispered, "They're iinazuke?
Engaged?"
Kasumi nodded, smiling. "Isn't it wonderful?"
Darken shuddered. "Glad I'm not assigned to the romance division."
Ranma came out of his funk. "Don't listen to that jealous girl, Yukino.
She's just a kawaikune thing that's going to grow into some bitter old
spinster."
"Better than chasing after skirts all the time like you do, you pervert!
Earth girls aren't easy enough for you? I can't imagine why she'd choose
you! Obviously she doesn't know you for the loser you are!"
"Well, at least she's got taste! Unlike those desperate princes that
took you the last two times! If I was them, I'd certainly not lower my
standards to someone like you-"
"Since when would a jerk like you have any idea about what's good in
life?"
"As if a tomboy could truly understand why I'd choose to spend my time
with a real lady! She can offer me things that you obviously can't even
imagine!"
Akane picked up the nearest thing to throw at Ranma, which happened to
be Darken. The hologram shattered into inexistence as the kami was hurtled
through it. Darken sailed on for a moment, before his nose caught in the
dirt and he ploughed out a divot with his face.
Ukyou looked at the princess with a determined glare. "We're coming for
Ran-chan! And you aren't going to be able to stop us!"
Akane, fuming with anger, also turned to the image. "You can keep that
baka, I'm just going for Otosan!"
Chuckling mirthlessly, Yukino faded from sight. "I'm looking forwards
to watching you come to me girls."
Darken staggered back to the group; Nabiki looked over at him, "So,
where do we go from here?"
"Well," Darken began, "her palace is surrounded by a maze-garden that is
quite impressive." He turned to scan the horizon. "Fortunately, if you stay
with me, I'll be able to deal with all the guards and other nastiness that
she keeps there."
While Darken was talking and scanning the horizon, individual
teleportation globes formed over the girls, then with a bright flash,
everyone except Darken faded from sight.
Turning back to the disappeared group, Darken continued, "So try and not
get separated, OK? Hey, is anyone lis-" His eyes wide, Darken blinked once;
then looked left, right, up, and down. After a moment, the look of blank
stupidity on his face was replaced by a grimace of pure shame/disgust.
Putting his hand to his face, he muttered. "Ooh...Urd's never going to let
me live this one down."

* * *

In Yukino's private reading room, the princess was finishing the
teleportation spells she'd cast. Done, she turned to face Ranma, who was
sitting in an easy chair by the fire.
"I hope that teaches something to that pathetic excuse for a-" Yukino
looked over at Ranma and stopped suddenly. Smiling weakly, she collapsed
back into another chair. "I'm sorry for that outburst Ranma-san. I'm not
usually this way; it's just that," here her face went livid for a second,
"That so called kami makes me so angry!"
Letting go of her anger, she sighed and smiled at him. "I apologize for
kidnapping you. I realize that it must seem a horrible act, and I can
understand if you feel upset over it."
Shifting uncomfortably in his chair, Ranma struggled to come up with a
reply. "Naw...don't worry about it; I've had lots worse done to me.
Besides; it's not too hard to get ticked off with Darken."
Yukino seemed to relax, visibly. "That's very kind of you to say. It's
not often I hear from people who actually seem to care about my feelings."
Ranma made a questioning grunt. "As I reign over this land, people keep
coming to me to get things done. They all want things, things that they
benefit from: laws, titles, recognition, huge tracts of land...Just once, I'd
like to have someone whom I can trust to place my feelings before any selfish
concerns."
"And you think that I'll be the right guy for you?" Ranma asked,
thinking about the Dragon's Tooth.
Yukino smiled at that comment and cocked her head to one side. "You're
so sure of yourself and willing to stand by your convictions despite what the
world throws at you. That's a kind of determination that I can truly
respect. It also shows a strength of character that I can lean on in times
of need. For me to see that combination of elements...well, its a rare
find."
Unused to hearing himself being praised, Ranma shifted even more
uncomfortably in his chair. Looking up at her, he returned a hesitant smile.
<Ya know, when she's not busy threatening people's lives...she's kind of
cute...> Ranma quickly shook his head to wipe out that thought. <No! I'm
here for the Dragon's Tooth and nothing else!>
A soft knock came at the door, and a lady-in-waiting entered, then
placed a tray of food down on the table. Bowing, she handed a letter to
Yukino, then left the room. The princess read the note and sighed.
"I'm sorry, Ranma-san. A situation has come up involving matters of
state. I'll have to leave for a time and take care of it. If you'll excuse
me," she said as she got up and started to leave.
"Wait!" Ranma interrupted. "What did you do to the others that were
with Darken?"
One hand on the door, she looked back at him. "Oh, I teleported them to
the garden-maze. The guards should keep them there until I decide what to do
with them. Why? Are they important to you?"
"No, not really. They're just friends," Ranma muttered. "Just
friends." He looked up to see Yukino watching him closely. He put on a
smile and waved his hand. "Come on now, Yukino-san. Wouldn't want to keep
whoever you have business with waiting, do you?" After a moment, she nodded
and left.
Ranma waited for a time, then reached over to the plate of food and
picked up a pitcher. Overturning it above his head, he lost a little height
and gained a whole lot of curves.
"Just as I have business with that Dragon's Tooth." Determined,
Ranma-chan headed to the door. After a moment, she raced back, scarffed down
the food on the plate, then left the room.

* * *

Akane looked around her. A moment ago, she had been standing with the
rest of the girls; then suddenly, a bright light and now she was here, alone
in what seemed to be an unusual garden. The walls that surrounded her were
close to four stories in height; high above, the tops an intricate system of
aqueducts was visible, carrying the water to feed the plants and the large
number of pools and shallow streams that decorated the place. The plants of
the garden themselves were hanging down the lengths of the walls, arranged in
attractive patterns.
The walls were fairly close together, forming a narrow channel down in
one direction. A vine covered wall was behind her, and ahead she could see
several openings, leading to other corridors perhaps.
She began to walk forwards. "Darken said something about a maze made
out of a garden," she recalled. "If that's so, then if I solve this maze,
I'll be at the palace."
Suddenly, several men stepped in front of her; coming from one of the
side passageways. They were dressed in light mail armour, and carried long
pikes that probably doubled as gardening tools. "Halt!" One of them said.
"The Princess Yukino has instructed that you proceed no farther. Hold fast
and no one will get hurt!"
Akane's face slipped into an amused glare. "So you guys are here to
stop me from giving Ranma the pounding he so richly deserves?" She cracked
her knuckles, then began to pick up the pace towards them. "Let's see how
good you really are." Running now, Akane kicked herself into the air and
aimed at the closest guy. "Hai-ya!"

In different locations throughout the maze, Ukyou, Shampoo, and Cologne
were also busy toasting the other obligatory Faceless Minions of Evil.

* * *

Sneaking through the halls of the palace, Ranma-chan was trying to find
her way back to the throne room. Unfortunately, the place was huge, and she
wasn't having any luck.
"Why can't we ever be kidnapped by people who live in regular houses?"
Ranma wondered as she stopped to rest.
"You there!" Ranma jumped at the voice. Turning around, she saw Kaitei
stalking towards her. "Just who are you? I've never seen you before."
"Uh...I'm...I'm one of Princess Yukino-sama's ladies-in-waiting!" Ranma
replied, trying an attempt to curtsy. "Are you positive you haven't seen me
around before?"
Kaitei looked at her closely. "I'm sure I've never seen you
before...odd, because you do look kind of familiar."
Ranma-chan gulped, then batted her eyes at him. "Oh, I'm sure you say
that to all the girls!"
Kaitei backed off, shaking his head. Before he walked away, Ranma
asked, "I'm-I'm supposed to clean the throne room today; but I seem to have
gotten lost. Which way is it?"
"Two floors up, east wing," Kaitei replied. After another bad curtsy,
Ranma bolted away.
"Just a moment," the bodyguard said; Ranma froze, turning to face him
slowly. "Have you seen the princess' fiancee?" Before she could think about
it, Ranma nodded. "Then...could you tell me...as a woman; what do you think
about him?"
"Ah...oh...I think that she made a great choice," Ranma began. Then she
giggled girlishly. "I mean, he's so cute, strong, powerful, determined."
She began to check things off on her fingers. "Masculine, stalwart,
unflinching, a real man-"
"Enough," Kaitei held up his hand; a depressed look clouded his face.
"I should be happy for her. At last she's found someone who she can truly
care for." After a moment, his fist relaxed and a self mocking smile crossed
his features.
"Someone who might just be worthy for a princess like her." He waved
his hand at Ranma, "Continue with your duties; and please...don't mention
this to anyone."
Ranma curtsied, then fled down the corridor.

* * *

In the garden-maze, Kasumi was wiping her hands on her apron.
"Please don't think it rude of me, offering to cook you nice guards a meal;
but I have to thank you for entertaining me while your princess is busy."
Stuffing their faces with her cooking, the four guards looked up at her.
"It's no trouble at all, ojosan," one of them said. "We were only told to
detain...er...I mean, entertain you." He went back to eating.
Kasumi smiled, then looked at the foodstuff the guards had brought her.
"Ah! We're out of sauce." She looked at the guards, still eating. "Don't
worry yourselves, I'll go get some more for you at the palace." With that,
she bowed and walked further into the maze.
One guard looked up. "Shouldn't we stop her?"
"Go after her if you want to," another said. "Leaves more for the rest
of us." The guards looked at one another for a moment, then returned to
eating.

* * *

"A full flush," Nabiki replied, placing her cards down. The four guards
all looked down at her hand, then groaned.
Behind Nabiki was a large pile of money, weapons, and most of the
guards' clothing. Sitting only in their underwear, the guards looked
miserable. "Pay up," Nabiki prompted.
"Have a heart," one the guards pleaded. "We don't have anything else to
give you."
Nabiki thought for a moment, then smiled and began to shuffle the cards
again. "Tell you what; one final game, double or nothing. If any of you
win, you'll get your stuff back. If I win, I get passage by you gentlemen.
Agreed?"

* * *

Carefully easing the door open, Ranma-chan peered into the throne room.
Inside, the hall was empty; not a soul was present in the chamber. Stepping
inside a little more, Ranma looked down the hall and could see the Dragon's
Tooth; still in the glass case. Silently easing all the way in, Ranma gently
pushed the door shut so it wouldn't make a sound. Smiling slightly, she
moved off towards the Tooth.
She got two steps before the door behind her was kicked off its hinges
and landed on her, slamming her to the floor.
The male members of Team Ranma all ran over the door, heading towards
the trophy case at the other end of the hall.
"Finally!!" yelled Ryoga, "I'll be a complete man again!!"
The headlong charge stopped when they heard the sounds of people coming
in from the hall behind them. With a sudden move, the guys all hid behind
the hall's pillars.
Shaking with anger, Ranma pushed the door up and glared out. "When I
get my hands on those-"
Too busy talking to notice, Yukino and Kaitei both walked over the door,
once more driving Ranma flat.
"Are you telling me that the girls managed to defeat the guards I sent
to keep them under control?" the princess asked as she sat down on her
throne, somewhat annoyed.
Kaitei bowed, then activated a Zentron-like viewing screen. It quickly
flashed between scenes of guards in various states of pain, defeat, and
embarrassment. One set of guards were buck-naked and staring at a deck of
cards miserably; another group were fast asleep, their stomachs bulging.
"As you can see, your highness, not one group of guards were able to
stop them. Currently, the invaders are deep in the garden maze, making good
time towards the palace. All except that kami, who seems to be traveling in
circles."
"Hmm," the princess muttered. "Obviously, it's time to take off the
gloves. Take any action you feel is necessary to stop them. I don't want
them interfering in the up-coming-" she suddenly stopped and looked down the
hall.
Mousse, Ryoga, Soun, Kuno, Genma and Happosai had all shouted and jumped
into sight at her words.
"I will never allow you to harm Akane-san!" Ryoga shouted.
Mousse held out a fist, "I will protect Shampoo no matter what you try
and do!"
"Those are my daughters out there!" Soun interjected.
"It is up to gentlemen to protect the fair sweet ladies. Harm shall not
come to them so long as Kuno Tatewaki stands firm!"
"If you harm Kasumi-san," Genma shouted, "who will cook us dinner?"
"Yukino-chan? What's your bra size?" Happosai asked.
Looking down at the guys with a startled expression that rapidly became
a frosty glare, she replied, "I do not know how you managed to get free, but
I will not listen to pathetic threats. Remember, your minds are mine to play
with."
Finally tossing the door off herself, Ranma-chan got up and marched
forwards. Everyone turned to face her as she approached; a determined look on
her face.
"Ranma!! I've been so worried about you!!" Happosai shouted as he
buried himself between Ranma's breasts; Ranma screamed, losing the determined
look.
Kuno used his sword to bash the perverted master to the floor. "Hentai!
How dare you treat a woman so shamefully! Yours is a character as shallow as
a kitchen sink filled with dish water." That said, Kuno promptly grabbed
Ranma-chan in his arms. "You came for me, Osagi-no-onna! How my heart cries
forth joy!" Ranma screamed again.
Mousse clobbered the two of them. "Do you mind?! There are more
important things to be concerned about at the moment!"
Rubbing her head, Ranma nodded, hit Kuno once for good measure, and
stepped out to face the princess and her bodyguard. "Since I'm a girl, your
hypnosis power won't work on me. Be a good girl and hand over that Dragon's
Tooth and everyone will be happy."
"You!" Kaitei shouted. "How dare a servant of the princess act against
her in any way! You will be punished for your disobedience!"
Yukino looked closely at the red-headed girl before her. "You're not
one of my servants...Who are you, and why do you act with these fools?"
"Does it matter?" Ranma asked. "I'm going to take that Tooth, and you
can't stop me."
"No, but if I hypnotize the others to stop you, they'll be able to," the
princess replied calmly. "Now, once again, who are you?"
Ranma paused at her words; she really didn't feel up to fighting the
whole rest of the gang at once. Then, she thought about a strategy to
distract Yukino.
"Don't you recognize me?" Ranma began, sarcasm dripping from her voice.
"I'm heartbroken! To think that you, who professed her love for me only an
hour ago, would no longer know your fiancee! It moves me to tears." With a
dramatic gesture, Ranma put the back of her hand to her forehead and leaned
back.
Yukino blinked, then slowly got to her feet. She took a step forwards
and looked more closely. "Masaka...you can't be...it's not possible..."
"You were complaining about everyone wanting something from you;" Ranma
continued, driving the stake home and twisting it. "Well, I want something
as well. That Dragon's Tooth is all that you can offer me; nothing else is
of any interest. I couldn't care less about your pathetic troubles with men!
I'm not surprised that no guy has ever managed to present himself as worthy
to you: a stuck-up, pushy chick like you couldn't buy a husband."
The princess staggered back, falling into her chair. Her face blanketed
by a look of pure shock and dismay, she stared at Ranma. After a moment, her
mouth finally began to work. "Onna..." she whispered. "The man I
chose...he's a woman..." For a moment, tears threatened to break from her
eyes, then she threw her head back and shouted with uncontrolled fury and
pain into the air, "DAMN YOU DARKEN!! YOU PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING, DIDN'T
YOU!?!"

* * *

"A-CHOOO!!!"
Darken looked around. "Hmm...someone must be talking about me."
Shrugging, the kami turned back to face the armoured figure before him.
"Let me see if I understand this correctly, good sir knight. If I'm to
pass by you, I have to bring you...a shrubbery?"
"Nee," replied the knight.

* * *

Weeping bitterly, the princess buried her face in her arms. "Curse you
Darken!! You knew this would happen!! You planned it all along!!" Sobbing,
she paid no attention to anything around her.
Looking somewhat uncomfortable with what she'd done, Ranma muttered,
"Come on, while she's distracted; let's get what we came for." The gang
moved forwards, only to have Kaitei block their path; his body set into a
fighting stance.
"For what you fiends have done to the princess, you'll pay! So long as
I'm here, the Tooth will remain untouched!" With that, the bodyguard began
to run towards the gang.
First in line was Happosai. Throwing Happodaikarins, he shouted,
"Yukino-chan!! Let your darling Happo-chan comfort you!!" as he closed in.
Kaitei leapt up and hit both firecrackers with circle kicks, knocking them
back towards the master. They landed right in front of Happosai and
exploded. The master staggered from the explosions, then was driven hard
into the ground when Kaitei stepped on him with all his weight.
Kuno ran forwards next. "What Osagi-no-onna desires, her ever so humble
and modest servant, Kuno Tatewaki, will procure for her!" With a blur of
speed, Kuno released the multi-Thunder Strike. Weaving and dodging, Kaitei
avoided the blows, waiting his chance. Kuno pulled back and released a
mighty thrust at Kaitei's face. Cocking his head, the bodyguard allowed the
blade to pass by his ear; when Kuno was at full extension, he reached up and
grabbed the blade with both hands; one near the point, the other by Kuno's
grip. With a quick, strong motion, he pulled the tip of the sword down, and
pushed the handle end up. Not releasing his grip in time, Kuno was launched
up, the sword torn from his grasp. Flying into the air, Kuno flew upside
down across the hall, in a pose of calm control; then he crashed into the
roof of the chamber. After a moment, gravity slowly pulled his frame from
his imprint in the ceiling, and he fell heavily to leave a matching imprint
in the floor.
Attacking as one, both Soun and Genma charged Kaitei; fists drawn back,
the two fathers stopped and started to throw their punches as one. Kaitei
ducked, held Kuno's sword horizontally between his two hands; and then
casually tossed it at the fathers.
Surprised, Soun grabbed the tip while Genma caught the grip. Running
between the started two, Kaitei reached out and caught the middle of the
sword with one hand. Using the wooden blade like a gymnast's bars, the
bodyguard swung around once with a giant swing to build up momentum, then
V-ed his legs and kicked both fathers in the face.
As the older men crashed to the floor, Mousse set himself. "For my
darling Shampoo!!" he shouted as he threw his arms out towards Kaitei. From
his sleeves, half-a-dozen sharp, pointy instruments with chains attached
hurtled themselves at Kaitei. Juking and dodging, the bodyguard sprang out
of the way, then reached out both arms. Grabbing hold of the chains, he gave
a mighty tug and pulled Mousse from his feet. Spinning in place, Kaitei
swung Mousse around at the end of the chains, then suddenly let go. No
longer held in an orbit, Mousse flew through the air and crashed into a
pillar. The chains followed him a second later and wrapped themselves around
Mousse, trapping him.
Ryoga super-jumped into the air and threw his umbrella. That thrown, he
grabbed several bandanna shurikens and let them fly. He followed that up
with a descending kick.
Unfortunately, Kaitei side-stepped the umbrella, and caught it by the
handle. Swinging it around like a baseball bat, he intercepted the incoming
bandannas, and batted them back at Ryoga. Surprised, Ryoga twisted, trying
to dodge his own attacks. Several bandannas tore his shirt, and he was
forced to land without finishing the kick. Kaitei charged him; spinning the
umbrella around, he pointed the handle at Ryoga, and thrust it at his head.
Twisting to one side, the pole missed Ryoga's face, passing close to his ear.
Still shoving it forwards, Kaitei opened the umbrella, and the iron
rain-guard caught Ryoga in the face. Now pushing it downwards, Kaitei drove
the handle into the stone floor, smashing Ryoga's face between the floor and
the super-strong rain guard as the pole sunk into the floor. Delivering a
kick to the center of the umbrella, Kaitei drove the pole deep into the
stone, trapping Ryoga.
Turning to face the only person not yet defeated, Kaitei smiled grimly.
"You will pay severely for making the princess cry, you fiend."
Ranma-chan growled. "Stop talking and start fighting! Kashu Tenshin
Amaguriken!!"
Throwing a multitude of punches, Ranma charged. Kaitei tried blocking
the strikes with his forearms and did a very good job; only a few of the
hundred punches Ranma threw in four seconds managed to get through, but it
did force Kaitei back.
Back-flipping away, Kaitei wiped the sweat off his lip. "Ooh...you're
very good. Almost good enough to be worthy for the princess."
"Like anyone would want that high and mighty wench!" Ranma growled.
Kaitei snarled. "You will not speak of Yukino-sama that way!" he
shouted as he resumed the attack. Throwing a roundhouse kick, Ranma leaned
back and let it pass by. While Kaitei's back was to her, Ranma jabbed.
Pulling his own legs out from under him, Kaitei dipped beneath the fist and
landed on his hands; working a leg trip, he knocked Ranma down. As both
sprang to their feet, Kaitei let loose a barrage of kicks and punches. Ranma
dodged most of them, finding it difficult to find an opening.
The two fighters parried back and forth for several blows, each getting
in some good hits; neither one able to deliver the finishing strike. By now,
the defeated guys had staggered over to the sidelines and were watching the
battle. Princess Yukino had stopped bawling, and was watching the fight as
well, still sniffling.
With a snarl on his face, Kaitei took a punch in the ribs from Ranma,
then drew back his arm and threw an open claw attack at the red head's face.
Sidestepping the blow, Kaitei's hand slid past Ranma's ear, missing her head.
Then Kaitei's snarl changed to a fighter's grin; reaching behind Ranma's
head, his open hand caught hold of Ranma's ponytail, which was trailing
behind her head.
Suddenly spinning in the other direction from Ranma' sidestep, Kaitei
used all his upper body strength to pull Ranma off her feet and spin her
around. Centrifugal force rose Ranma higher and higher; Kaitei waited for a
moment, then released his hold on her hair. Wildly tumbling out of control,
Ranma-chan flew through the air, and smashed into one of the pillars.
For a moment, she didn't move from her spiderwebbed indentation. Then,
with a terrifying snarl on her face, she forced herself to her feet.
"That does it! This fight ends now!!" Setting herself, she began to
growl softly, slowly raising it in volume. As this happened, the soft glow
of focusing ki surrounded her body.
Kaitei, about to continue his attack, noticed this and stopped. Holding
his place, he crossed his arms in front of his chest in an X pattern; he too
began to softly growl, and a red aura also began to highlight him.
Now holding her hands slightly apart, Ranma-chan began to form an energy
sphere. Raising it up before her, she shouted out suddenly, "Moukou
Takabisha!!" Throwing her hands open, a beam of energy flashed out from her
palms and sped towards her opponent.
Waiting until the beam almost hit him, Kaitei braced himself and
shouted, "Waku Hebi Taoshite!!" His red aura flashed into bright brilliance
as Ranma's strike crashed into him. His figure was picked up and tossed away
in the energy.
"Springing Snake Knock Down?!" Happosai shouted, surprised. "I've heard
of this special attack. Look into Ranma's beam!"
The gang looked into the beam of energy that continued to flow from
Ranma. The strike crossed the room, finally washing its energy into one of
the pillars that lined the opposite wall. Inside the yellow energy beam, a
red glow was visible, pressed up against the pillar.
"The power of Ranma's strike is pressing against Kaitei's ki! Like a
spring, the more power Ranma applies, the more potential energy the ki builds
up! Then finally, when the force of the attack is expended, it's like
letting go of a spring; all that energy is released in the direction the
attack came from!"
Feeling her ki energy rapidly being drained by her strike, Ranma looked
down into her own beam. Far across the hall, she could see the red glow
fighting against her blast. Inside the glow, she could just make out Kaitei;
his body parallel to the ground, his feet pressed up against the pillar, his
knees bent in a crouching position. Determined to win, she focused more
energy down her beam, but the red glow intensified just as much. Finally
unable to hold the beam any longer, Ranma staggered and the blast dissipated.
As the energy no longer pressed against it, the red aura around Kaitei
burst. His legs sprang straight, and he uncoiled from the wall and flew
across the chamber along the path Ranma's beam had traveled. Her inner
strength drained, Ranma-chan tried to dodge, but was too weary. Kaitei raced
like a bullet towards her and swung his fist around at the last moment. With
a bone-cracking POW, his fist crashed into Ranma' face; knocking her off her
feet and into a pillar, unconscious.
"Ranma!!" Genma shouted as the gang crowded around the knocked out
Saotome. "Speak to me boy!" Words failed to reach her; then shaking was
also ineffective. Even repeated smacking didn't wake her up. Finally Mousse
pulled a steaming kettle from his robes and poured boiling water over Ranma.
"AAAAA!! What do you think you're doing?! That's hot!!" Ranma yelled
as he regained consciousness. Looking around, he saw that Kaitei had resumed
his position by the princess' side.
"Enough of this," Yukino said. By now, her anguish had turned to a fury
that blazed in her soul. "Since you would try and mock me, I will see to it
that you all suffer the worst fate I can give you!"
"So you're going to marry me after all?" Ranma replied snidely, rubbing
his aching jaw.
For a moment unable to speak due to anger, Yukino finally got her rage
under control. "Not quite," she smiled grimly. Closing her eyes for a
second, she snapped them open; once again glowing that unearthly red.
Despite their attempts to fight it, one by one the men fell under sway of her
hypnotic powers.
"Now," she said to the spellbound men, "your duty is to travel into the
maze-garden and intercept the intruders. I don't want them to ever leave the
garden...alive." Her voice dropped to a vicious whisper; "Use any force
required."
"Hai!! Yukino-sama!" The entranced men replied as one. Waving her
hands, the princess placed teleportation globes over her new guards, and sent
them on their ways.
Smiling a grimly twisted smile, Yukino turned back to the monitor.
"Come for your men, girls...you'll find more than you bargained for."

[concluded, chapter 5]
-----------------------------------------------------------------
End Notes:
That bit with Darken and the knight who wanted a shrubbery I think I
should explain. I was watching 'Monty Python and the Holy Grail' as I was
planning this part out, and I couldn't resist using the Knights Who Go 'Nee.'
(Yes, I know; I'm pitiful.)
Like I said, this is based off of a reverse Ranma Movie 2. If you
remember, when Ranma-chan was trying to convince Toma to choose her over
Akane, she listed out Akane's faults. (ie: kawaikune, can't cook, biggest
klutz in Japan, etc.) Well, I thought it would be proper for Akane to have
a rebuttal in this. In Movie 2, Ranma lists Akane's eight faults. Here,
Akane lists Ranma's 16. Really makes you wonder who's getting the better
deal in their relationship.
Chapter 5 will bring to a conclusion the epic saga of 'A Date That Will
Live in Infamy.' It will be a classic episode: with sex, greed, and
violence!

Well...OK, no sex; that the genre of my .05 fic...Nabiki has the greed
part all to herself...at least I can guarantee the violence bit.