Ranma 1/2: Ranma Jijou, Part 6 [FanFic]

[Dov Sherman]

Ranma Jijou, Part Six
(Ranma Squared, Part Six)

A Silly Ranma 1/2 Fan-fiction by Dov Sherman

Ranma 1/2 and its characters are all copyright and trademark to Rumiko
Takahashi to whom this fan-fiction is dedicated.

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Chapter 10: Black Rose Affair

Ryouga gazed down upon the Nerima District. From his current position,
he had an excellent view. He could make out the Tendo Dojo, Fuurinkan
High School, the Nekohanten, all the places he knew. He was surprised
to see how close they were to one another. He'd always assumed the
Tendo Dojo was miles and miles away from Fuurinkan but it was really
only two or three miles. It was really amazing how much you could see
with the right viewpoint. He hoped he would land somewhere soft.

Kodachi leapt nimbly from rooftop to rooftop, following the wicked
pig-tailed girl's flight. The brazen hussy had begun her descent so it
wouldn't be long before she landed and Kodachi would be there to greet
her. She'd make that witch rue the day she'd crossed the Black Rose.

Ryouga plummeted through the night sky. This really wasn't how it was
supposed to happen. The plan was falling apart. The entire episode at
the Nekohanten had been a complete fiasco and now he'd gotten separated
from the Tendos and would have trouble finding them again. He glanced
down and saw that he was rapidly approaching the roof of a building but,
from this angle, he couldn't tell if it was a store, office, home, or
what. He'd know in a moment. Ryouga tucked his legs in and prepared to
roll with his landing to minimize the damage. In a crash of splintered
wood, Ryouga broke through the roof and into the building below.

Kodachi swiftly closed the narrowing gap between herself and that
dreaded obstacle to her love with her darling Ranma-sama. Ranma. How
his very name filled her gentle heart to bursting. How she longed to be
with her darling Ranma every second of every day. She'd sit in class
writing his name in the margins of her notebooks. Sometimes she'd write
her own name with his family name, "Black Rose Saotome." It sounded so
natural. It flowed so beautifully. They must be destined to be
together. But that wicked, wicked pig-tailed girl blocked her. How
frustrating for her perfect love to be obstructed so unjustly. The
pig-tailed girl may try to flee but the Black Rose would not allow her
to escape without bringing her to justice. The pig-tailed girl appeared
to have gone through the roof of a building two blocks ahead. If that
tramp thought she could hide from the Black Rose that easily, she was in
for a shock, indeed.

Ryouga smacked into the hard floor of the building and rolled to his
feet. The air was hot and steamy, though not enough to transform him
back to a male. He looked around at the shocked faces of naked women
and realized he was in a public bath house. In the women's side, no
less. This was no place for a man of honor. He had to get out of here.

Kodachi dropped through the hole in the roof and struck a triumphant
pose. "Foolish girl, did you think you could evade me so easily? Now
I'll make you regret having stolen my Ranma-sama from me!" Kodachi
produced a length of ribbon and twirled it gracefully, an evil grin on
her face.

This was not good. Kodachi stood between Ryouga and the door. Ryouga
glanced around for another route of escape, but all he saw were the
confused faces of the women in the bath house. Being a fully clothed
girl in the women's bath was awkward. For just that moment he was glad
to be a girl. If he'd been a guy in the women's bath, his nose would
have been bursting blood from the excitement.

"What's that, you wicked girl? Looking for an escape? There's no
escape from the Black Rose!" Kodachi whipped her ribbon out in a
lightning attack. Ryouga leapt to the side, barely evading the ribbon.
Kodachi flung a dozen gymnastics clubs at him while simultaneously
flinging her hoop on a low attack, parallel to the ground.

Ryouga leapt above the hoop and held his arms up to protect his face
from the clubs. Several clubs deflected off of Ryouga's arms to imbed
themselves in the walls of the bath house but one club belted him in the
stomach and threw him back. Ryouga groaned and spun about to see where
he'd land. Ah, good, the bath would provide a soft landing.

Kodachi shied back as the pig-tailed girl splashed down in the bath. The
guests of the bath house were breaking free of their initial shock and
loudly protesting the ruckus they were causing. Kodachi frowned in
annoyance. How could they protest her mission of love? Didn't they see
the necessity of eradicating that horrible girl?

Kodachi leapt to the side of the bath and scanned the water. The
pig-tailed girl hadn't resurfaced yet but she couldn't hold her breath
forever.

Beneath the surface of the steamy bath, Ryouga held his breath and
looked about desperately. The water had turned him male again and the
prospect of being caught in the women's bath was not pleasant. It was
the sort of perverted thing Ranma would do. But not Ryouga. Never
Ryouga. Ryouga would never let himself do something so low and
conniving.

Ryouga thought quickly. There was usually a small opening in the wall
between the men's and women's sides of a bath house. If he could just
make it to the other side before his breath ran out, he'd be okay and he
could make his escape from Kodachi through the men's side. Ryouga swam
frantically for the wall.

The women in the bath looked at the spot where the pig-tailed girl had
gone under, fully clothed.

"She's been under there an awfully long time."

"Do you think she's alright?"

"Maybe she drowned!"

"Should we pull her up?"

"Where is she?"

"You can swim but you can't hide!" Kodachi shouted. She used her ribbon
to pick up a small, stone statue. Spotting the blurry silhouette of
Ryouga under the water, Kodachi hurled the statue toward him.

The statue slammed into Ryouga's back and drove him to the bottom of the
bath, knocking the breath out of him. He gulped in water and groped
about in panic. Ryouga pushed the statue off of himself and broke the
surface of the water, gasping desperately for air.

"EEEEEEEEEK!!!"

Ryouga waved his arms desperately. "Wait! Wait! It was a mistake! I
didn't, I mean, uh... eep!" Ryouga held his hands over his nose to
quell the sudden gush of blood. A wooden bucket bounced off Ryouga's
head and the women in bath set about beating the crap out of him.

"Ranma?!" Kodachi blinked. It was Ranma, the love of her life, the fire
in her girlish heart, the future father of her children! Kodachi didn't
know how he'd come to be in the women's bath, but she couldn't let these
women have their way with him. The pig-tailed girl could wait.
"Ranma-sama! Don't worry, darling! I'll save you!"

Kodachi flicked her ribbon forward and looped it around Ryouga who was
swiftly falling beneath the flailing fists of the women. With another
flick, she pulled Ryouga safely out of the water and caught him in her
arms.

Kodachi looked down into the face of her darling Ranma-sama. His eyes
were glazed over, his tongue lolled out of his drooling mouth, but he
was still as beautiful as ever. Before the other women could react,
Kodachi sprinted out the door with her bundle of joy.

Outside, the rain had finally ceased. Kodachi leapt up onto a nearby
rooftop and set Ryouga down. Nobody followed them from the bath house,
most likely because no one wanted to run around outside naked. Kodachi
turned back to Ryouga. He was still out cold. Worried, she produced a
vial of smelling salts and held it under his nose.

Ryouga blinked and shook his head blearily. He looked up into his
savior's face. "Kodachi!!!" He scrambled madly for escape.

Kodachi glomped onto him, pinning him to the roof. "Oh, my dearest,
darling Ranma! How wonderful to be with you again! How my girlish
heart aches for you every moment we are apart and how it sings so
joyously every moment we are together!"

"Alright, hold it right there!" Ukyou landed on the rooftop, her giant
combat spatula gripped in her hands. "I've been looking for you,
Ran-chan. You owe me an explanation for your behavior this afternoon!"

Kodachi looked up at the rude intruder and held tightly onto Ryouga.
"How dare you interrupt our joyous reunion! Can't you see we'd rather
be alone?!"

Ryouga gasped in Kodachi's grip. "Ukyou! Uh, hi... uh..."

Ukyou bared her teeth angrily. "You stay out of this, Little Miss
Kunou. This is between me and Ran-chan."

"No, dear. I believe it is I who am between yourself and Ranma."

Ryouga waved his arms. "Uh, hey! Look, do we really have to do this
now?"

Ukyou snarled. "Stay out of this, Ran-chan. I'll deal with you in a
second." She glared at Kodachi. "So you want a fight, is that it?"

Kodachi laughed maniacally. "HOHOHOHOHOHO!!! How tiresome. You're no
match for me, little girl."

Ryouga tried to disentangle himself from Kodachi. This was awful!
Ukyou was a nice person and she wouldn't be getting into this mess if it
weren't for him. This was all his fault. He had to do something. He
had to find a way to stop them from fighting. It was the honorable
thing to do. "Hey! Hey! Can't we talk about this?"

Kodachi squeezed him passionately. "Don't you worry, my darling. I'll
deal with this foolish girl quickly and then we can return to our
affairs."

"That's enough! You get your hands off him!"

"You dare to give orders to the Black Rose?!" Kodachi released Ryouga
and stood to face her adversary. "Very well, the Black Rose will have
to teach you some manners!"

Ukyou raised her spatula. Kodachi produced a ribbon. If Ryouga was
going to stop this craziness, he'd have to act fast. As Ukyou swung her
spatula in a fierce arc, Ryouga leapt between the two girls, shouting,
"Don't! You shouldn*>OOOOF<*!!!" The spatula caught Ryouga in the
belly and sent him flying off into the air.

"Ranma darling!"

"Ran-chan!"

The two girls glared at each other and leapt from the roof. Tearing
down the street, the girls followed the rapidly vanishing figure of
their darling Ranma.

Chapter 11: Don't Cry, It's Only Blue Thunder

Ryouga gazed down upon the Nerima District. From his current position,
he had an excellent view. But you could have enough of excellent views.
What he really wanted right now was out of this whole stupid mess. It
had started out badly and only gotten worse. He couldn't imagine any
way it could possibly get any worse. He hoped he would land somewhere
soft.

Ukyou and Kodachi followed Ryouga's flight path. He had a good head
start on them and the fact that they were trying to attack each other
with throwing spatulas and gymnastics clubs while running slowed them
down.

"Now you see what you've done, you foolish girl?!" spat Kodachi as she
sidestepped a hail of spatulas and whipped her ribbon back in
retaliation.

"This is your fault! I have every right to talk to Ranma! He's my
fiance', after all. If you hadn't gotten in the way, this never would
have happened!" Ukyou leapt above the ribbon and flung a handful of
gunpowder-spiked baking flour.

Kodachi ducked under the cloud of flour. "YOUR fiance'? Perish the
thought. Ranma-sama is MY fiance'! Why would such a beautiful man
marry such a common girl as you?" Kodachi threw her deadly razor hoop.

Ukyou deflected the hoop with her combat spatula. "I've known Ranma
since we were both little. We're closer than you'll ever be to him.
Why would he want to marry a violent psychopath like you, anyway?" She
threw a few spatulas.

"Who are you calling a psychopath, you peasant?" Kodachi attacked with
her clubs.

Ukyou swung her spatula. Kodachi lashed out with her ribbon. At this
rate, they wouldn't reach Ryouga until several minutes after he'd
landed.

Ryouga cursed his luck and twisted around to see where he was headed.
Below him, a neighborhood park came into view and, if he was judging
correctly, it looked like he'd land in the small river that passed
through the park, saving himself from a harsh landing. Maybe his luck
was going to turn for the better just this once.

Ryouga splashed down in the river, thankful to be suffering Ranma's
curse rather than his own. Swimming was a lot easier as a girl than as
a pig. Ryouga swam toward the surface but came up against the bottom of
a boat. He worked his way to the side and reached up to grab the
railing of the boat. A hand took his and pulled him aboard.

"Pig-Tailed Girl! It is none other!" Kunou cried. "Fortune does truly
smile on me tonight as I have just returned from the Tendo Dojo having
failed to find you therein. I had thought my rental of this gondola for
a romantic tryst betwixt us in vain. Ah, but Sweet Destiny has brought
my love to me. Please," Kunou added, pushing a bouquet of roses in
Ryouga's hands. "Accept these as a humble token of my undying, eternal
love for thee."

Ryouga stood dripping riverwater in the gondola, dumbly gripping the
bouquet, and staring at Kunou. Sasuke stood in the stern and directed
the boat downstream.

"Ku... Kunou!" Ryouga gasped.

Kunou glomped onto Ryouga and cried, "Ah, my Goddess in Pigtails! How I
have longed to be with thee as you most surely have with me."

"LET GO OF ME, YOU CREEP!"

"Fear not, my love, for Ranma has given us his blessings in this. Let
me hold you here in my arms and we will sit and talk of the beauty of
our mutual love."

Ryouga inwardly swore at himself. HE had given Kunou Ranma's blessings.
Now, what had Ryouga gotten himself into. He just hoped he hadn't told
Kunou anything else that he'd regret.

"YOWCH!!!" Ryouga felt a sharp pain on hit bottom. Kunou had pinched
him. Kunou had pinched him on the butt. Ryouga had just been pinched
on the butt by a guy. By Kunou. On the butt. Ryouga had been pinched.
Ryouga ground his teeth. "Why you..."

"Oh, my sweet, pig-tailed vixen, you need not hide your feelings anymore
for Ranma himself has surrendered you to me so at last we can enjoy the
true rapture of each other's presence." Kunou strengthened his embrace,
crushing the flowers between them. Kunou wept joyfully. "Oh, how
wondrous to hold your delicate body to mine." Kunou moved his hands
down Ryouga's back and pinched each of his buttocks.

"AAAAAIIIIIGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Ryouga planted a fist deep into Kunou's
stomach then leapt from the boat, using Kunou's face as a springboard.
Ryouga landed in the shallow water at the shore's edge.

"Ran-chan, you wait right there!"

Ryouga spun about to see Ukyou and Kodachi sprinting across the park
toward him.

"Where are you hiding my darling Ranma-sama, you wench?!" Kodachi
screamed.

Ryouga looked back at the gondola to see Kunou leaping into the water
and quickly swimming toward him. "My love! My pig-tailed Venus!"

Suddenly, something fell from the night sky to land in Ryouga's arms.
"My sweet Ranma-chan!" Happousai cried.

Ryouga threw Happousai to the ground and took off down a path. He
didn't know where he was going but he didn't care. He just wanted to
get far, far away as quickly as possible. As he pounded down the path,
Ryouga risked a glance back over his shoulder.

"Ran-chan!"

"Witch!"

"My Pig-Tailed Beauty!"

"My sweet Ranma-chan!"

"AAAAAIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

[Read this in Akane's voice while envisioning quick clips from an
upcoming episode]:

Even after Tsubasa we still have two Ranmas? Where did this other Ranma
come from? A wish? Is someone going to tell me just what is going on
here? Next time on "Ranma 1/2", "Rendezvous with Ranma" See you there!

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