Bubblegum Splash! 9 (part 1) [FanFic]

[Mike Koos]

The scene: a large auditorium. The stage is - for all intents and
purposes - dark. Footlights cut through the near-darkness to
align themselves on the podium at center-stage.

As the crowd murmurs excitedly, Drew walks out onto the stage and
takes his place at the podium. He organizes his notes.

Drew: (clears throat) As you all know, there were only eight videos
released in the 'Bubblegum Crisis' series. The series then
took a different path with the 'Bubblegum Crash!' videos.

Drew: So, along similar lines, we'll be changing the name of
Bubblegum Splash! slightly, making some major unecessary
alterations to the plotlines, changing the voice of one of
our main characters and adding a few minutes of pointless
computer animation to the beginning of each story. We thank
you for your continued support.

Drew realizes someone's trying to get his attention by tapping him on
the shoulder. He turns around to see...

Mike: Ahem.

At that very instant, Dave runs onto the stage, being chased by
Kaori, who's wielding one of her trademarked mallets. Mike takes the
mallet out of Kaori's hands.

Mike: Mind if I borrow this for a bit? Thanks.

Mike hits Drew over the head with the mallet, hands it back to Kaori
and drags Drew off-stage. David and Kaori stare for a second at the
audience, then each other, and start running after each other once
again.

The auditorium lights go completely dark. There is a moment of dead
silence, broken by a loud commotion backstage.

Drew turns the lights on and strides angrily back onstage. But
before he can say anything, the lights switch off again.

Drew: All right, WHO did that!?

Nabiki suddenly appears next to him with a flashlight lit below her
chin.

Nabiki: *I* did.
Drew: (narrowing his eyes) Why?
Nabiki: (Waves a utility bill in front of Drew's face.) You haven't
paid your electric bill.
Drew: You aren't getting any money out of me, Nabiki. We use our own
generator here.
Nabiki: (Turns to leave.) I know.

The room is plunged into complete and total utter darkness.

Drew: (impatiently) Oh, shut up and start the video, already!!

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Bubblegum Splash! 9
Triple Vision
written by Mike Koos
-----------------------

Moose angrily hangs his phone up.

Moose: Those fools! Genom aerospace parts are the finest parts in
the world and they have the GALL to insist on using a
different contractor?
Moose: I've tried to... convince them politely...

[Minor flashback: Moose attempting again and again to pass himself
off as a factory worker in order to replace "lower quality" parts
with Genom-made parts. The problem? He had never brought his
glasses; if he had, he might have discovered he was working in a cat
food factory.]

Moose: ...so now I'll have to be rude.

* * * *

Launch day.
On the grounds of the MegaTokyo Aerospace Facility, security was
airtight. For Genom officials, unofficially notorious for getting
their way one way or the other, had tried to buy into the shuttle
mission. The MTAF officials had declined, hoping to pull this one
off without the possibility of anyone taking over the project for his
or her personal gain.
But this was Genom, not an industrial terrorist or opportunist.
They, too, never took no for an answer - especially in private - and
the unverified tales that had found their way to the desks of the MTAF
were enough to make the MTAF dearly afraid.

The MTAF was trying to establish a space station outside the orbit of
the Earth and the Moon. Its primary use was to serve as a relay
station, bouncing messages intended for colonies or outposts set up on
the other planets of the Solar System. Humankind still had yet to go
beyond its own planetary system, but they were intent on getting to
that point, no matter how long it took.

Every part of the launch schedule proceeded exactly as planned, making
the MTAF all the more nervous. It wasn't until the shuttle was in
orbit and the crew had unstrapped themselves from their confinement
that they discovered the boomers hiding in the cargo hold.

* * * *

At the Silky Doll...

Ryoga: But, Akane-san... why would I need to go to England? You need
me more right here!
Akane: I'm not letting my brother pass up an opportunity to attend
one of the world's finest schools. Don't worry; we can manage
without you.
Ryoga: I don't care! I'm not going. I want to stay here.
Ranma: (From a chair in the hall.) Y'know, we could solve this by
feeding him some of your cooking... when he passes out, put
him on the plane.

Ryoga opens his mouth to yell at her, but Akane is faster - she
frisbees a handy frying pan into Ranma's face. Ranma falls over
backward.

Akane: (To Ryoga.) Are you serious about staying here? I don't want
you to ruin your life because of us...
Ryoga: I won't be ruining my life, just postponing it. You need me
here.
Akane: But this scholarship is a once-in-lifetime chance!
Ryoga: No, it isn't. I know you're the one who put up the money for
the 'scholarship.'
Akane: Uh...... how did you know?
Ryoga: Shampoo told me.
Akane: What!? She did?
Ryoga: Yes. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some work to do... (He
leaves.)

Ranma pulls herself and her chair up, rubbing her temple with one
hand, holding the frying pan with another.

Ranma: Do you have to be so inconsiderate?
Akane: Not now, Ranma! I've got someone- er, something else to take
care of. (She dashes off.)
Ranma: <I'd better warn Shampoo.>

* * * *

Shampoo, on the other hand, was busy taking a break at her station in
the main AD Police building. She reclined back in her chair, feet
propped up on the desk, watching the complete digitized and
noncompressed version of the Sailor Moon R movie she had just
installed on her terminal. Oh, sure, she could have watched it
direct from videodisc just like everyone else, but there was
something exciting about knowing that you were tying up valuable
computer space for your own benefit. She took another sip from her
soda bottle and laughed.

She heard the footsteps of someone approaching and hurriedly shut
down the video. However, it was only Ranran.

Ranran: Shampoo, someone's here to see you.
Shampoo: Who is it?
Ranran: I don't know. He's waiting outside. It's strange; I feel
like I've met him someplace before, but I can't place him.

She shows the young man in and leaves to take care of her own work.

Shampoo: (clearly surprised) ......Ranma?
Ranma: (nonchalantly) Hi.
Shampoo: Wh-... why... what...?
Ranma: My fans've been getting a little crazy lately, so I thought
I'd go out this way. It's been a long while.
Shampoo: ...... (stares at Ranma)
Ranma: And now, I've started to wish again that Dad wasn't having us
hide this way... 'course, it does make us a little bit of
money, if oyaji doesn't get to it first...
Shampoo: ..............
Shampoo: (sudden burst of emotion) Damn it, Ranma! Just when I
thought I'd gotten over having to live with you as a girl
only, you... you...
Ranma: Hey, you think it's easy for ME to live with? Or Akane? Or
Ukyou? Every time I go up on stage I wonder what the press
would say if they found out that the lead singer of Ranma and
The Counterparts was actually a GUY...

[Flashback: Genma explaining his latest plan to earn money to Ranma -
pass Ranma off as an idol singer. Becoming an idol singer at the
time was viewed as an easy way for a young woman to make money, and
Genma had wasted no time in promoting his new singing sensation.]

[The only thing was, he hadn't told Ranma about it.]

Ranma: (notably upset) Why do you ALWAYS do these things to me, Dad!?
You want me to be an IDOL SINGER? That would mean I'd have to
spend a lot of time as a girl...
Genma: Hmm... That's right. I've already had your records changed,
my daughter...
Ranma: (Furious.) **WHAT!?!?** You want me to stay as a girl
PERMANENTLY!? Whatever happened to having your SON carry on
the family tradition and honor as a martial artist!?
Genma: No one said that you had to give that up. But you must be
well aware that the path of a martial artist may lead him - or
*her* - down many different paths in life. You will face many
challenges that--
Ranma: (Interrupting.) Oh, shut up! This is all just an elaborate
excuse for you to get money without really doing any work!
Genma: I beg your pardon; I am your manager.
Ranma: Like I said - lots of money, no work.
Genma: And I am still your father. As long as that holds true, you
will do as I say.
Ranma: What about the marriage to that kawaiku-... er, Akane? Surely
you can't be suggesting that I marry her this way...
Genma: The marriage will be put on hold for now. Besides, medical
science is amazing! They've already developed ways to keep
people alive and young for years... why, I bet they're even
working on a process that will allow me to regain my hair.
Ranma: <Dream on, old man.>
Ranma: All right, let's get one thing straight. You may have tried
to arrange everything so that I don't have a choice, but I am
**NOT** going to be an *idol* singer! Understand? A regular
singer, maybe, but *NOT* an idol!
Genma: Ranma, you--
Ranma: No. End of discussion. Either you let me do things MY way,
or I'm going straight to Mom and telling her everything you've
done.

Genma dumps a bucket of water on Ranma's head and lets the bucket
stay on her head as the water soaks through her clothes.

Genma: (Sighs.) They always said musicians were tough to work with.

He pulls out an idol singer's dress.

Genma: (Offering the dress to Ranma.) Here, you'd better get out of
those wet clothes. You can use this...

Less than a moment later, there is an extremely wet and upset panda
wearing an idol singer's dress in the room with Ranma. She turns
away indignantly, tugs her shirt into position and leaves.

[Fade back to the present.]

Ranma: (Muttering to himself.) Baka oyaji...

He realizes Shampoo has latched herself onto him.

Ranma: Cut it out, Shampoo! There's no time for this! Akane found
out you told Ryoga about the scholarship...
Shampoo: (Releases Ranma.) She did? Uh-oh, that means she's going
to be on the warpath... Oh, thanks for the warning. You'd
better get out of here before Kunou finds you here.
Ranma: Oh, yeah! I completely forgot. Well, I've never had a problem
when it comes to taking care of him.

All of a sudden, Lieutenant David Wills enters the room and notices
Ranma.

David: Hey! Who are you? (Notices the way Shampoo's staring at
Ranma and raises his voice.) You'd better not be trying to
take advantage of Shampoo...

Ranma and Shampoo both try to quiet him down with frantic
hand-waving, but it's no use: the noise attracts Kunou, of all people.

Kunou: SAOTOME RANMA! So, you have come out of hiding once again to
cheat on the lovely Tendo Akane, I see! (Draws a wooden sword
which no one saw him enter with.) I shall teach you the
lesson that's been awaiting you all this time!

Kunou leaps at Ranma, sword extended. Ranma flips onto Kunou's head
and makes a dive for the hallway. He hits the floor running.

Kunou: (Following Ranma.) Coward! Stand your ground and face me!
Ranma: (Running.) Who's a coward!? I'm looking for a more open
space to fight in!
Kunou: (Running.) Hmmm... I see even cowards can have an intelligent
thought once in a while.
Ranma: (scowls) ......

Behind them, a sergeant pokes his head out from an office door.

Sergeant: Hey! No running in the halls!

As luck would have it, the AD Police training gym was at the end of
the hallway. To the surprise of everyone trying to not work inside,
Ranma bursts through the open double-doors with Kunou following him.

Kunou: (Leaps at Ranma.) This will do! Take that! (sword swipe)

Ranma easily dodges, and Kunou falls flat on his face. The crowd
cheers... until Kunou bolts to his feet and takes a threatening step
toward them, sword held high.

Ranma: You never could take criticism.

In response, Kunou begins a series of rapid sword thrusts. Ranma
backs away slowly - and then simply disappears.

Ranma: (From behind Kunou.) Or get the hint.

He tags Kunou's chin with a roundhouse kick, sending him flying
across the gym to imbed himself head-first within the punching bag.

Kunou: (muffled voice) That didn't hurt.

Ranma's expression darkens; Kunou had a bad habit of always being
extremely predictable. The ADP officer pulls himself out of the bag
and starts after Ranma once more.

Unfortunately, David chose that exact moment to arrive on the scene
with Shampoo. He points a flare gun at the ceiling and fires it in
an attempt to stop the fight.

David: There! Now that I've got your attention...

Chunks of plaster fall on his and Shampoo's heads. Shampoo gives him
a look of disgust.

Shampoo: Thanks so very much.

She has something else to thank him for an instant later: David's
flare has set off the automatic sprinkler system. Everyone tries to
find cover to avoid getting soaked, and David nearly trips over a cat
that has suddenly appeared next to him.

David: Shampoo? Where did you - huh? A cat?
David: (Picks up the cat.) Where did you come from?
Neko-Shampoo: Meow... (She rakes his face several times with a set of
claws.)

Meanwhile, Ranma has turned back into a girl - directly in front of
Kunou's eyes.

Kunou: (rubbing his eyes) Can it be? Is this a lovely vision I see
before me?
Ranma: (frowns) <Geez, I've been changed in front of him like what -
about five hundred and twenty-three times? - and he STILL
doesn't get it...>

Kunou latches onto Ranma. Tears stream from his eyes - or was it just
the water?

Kunou: Oh, my dear pony-tailed girl, what a pleasure it is to have
you here tonight...
Ranma: (Place-kicking Kunou through the gym's ceiling.) **BAKA**, let
go!!

Ranma strides toward the door, the no-nonsense look in her eyes
telling everyone else they'd better steer clear. She reaches the
door to find David standing there, holding... holding...

David: Hey, Ranma! Look at what I've found! It's a--
Ranma: (screaming) ******A CAT******!!!!!!

The cat clasps its arms around Ranma's neck, and hangs on for dear
life as Ranma tears into the hallways at top speed.

David: What the.........?

* * * *

After a few minutes of breaking through what looked to Shampoo like
every other office in the building, Shampoo finds herself losing her
grip on Ranma. She falls, rolling to a stop and landing upside down
against a sickly blue-colored wall. She'd always hated those walls;
if someone were ever to put her in charge of redecorating the
building, she knew a color scheme she'd prefer more...

She didn't have time to think about it. Someone picks her up,
rather abruptly, by the scruff of the neck.

Akane: (Innocently, in a singsong tone of voice.) Shampoo-chan!
Shampoo: (nervously) ........Meow?
Akane: Did you think you could hide from me with the old 'cat
routine?'
Shampoo: (indignantly) Mreow!!

She starts trying to bring her claws around to bear on Akane, yet
Akane's hold keeps her from doing so. She only succeeds in flailing
about uselessly.

Shampoo: (Rising temper.) ...Meow...

Akane rearranges her hold on Shampoo so that she's holding the cat as
she would any other cat.

Akane: Later. Ranma's probably already told you that I found out you
told Ryoga about the scholarship. But that isn't why I'm here.
Shampoo: (puzzled) Mrr?
Akane: C'mon, let's go find you some hot water. We've got a job
offer!
Akane: And then, maybe you can tell me where Ranma's run off to...

* * * *

The stage was set. The screens at MTAF Control were lit up with the
face of the unknown terrorist now in control of the new shuttle. His
demand: the equivalent of fifty million dollars for the return of the
shuttle. Most of the gear aboard the shuttle was irreplaceable, and
he knew that... it was a chance the officials of the MTAF knew they
should not have taken in light of the possible Genom threat.
Somehow, they all had the feeling Genom had everything to do with the
taking of their shuttle.

* * * *

Not too long after that, at the Knight Sabers' headquarters...

Ranma: No! Absolutely not! I won't do it!
Akane: I haven't even told you what the job is, yet.
Nabiki: Yeah. Besides, there's always the chance those agency
guys'll pay us two hundred times what the job's worth. This-
Akane: (cutting Nabiki's remark short) *Oneechan*!
Ranma: C'mon, Akane, anything but a government contract! You know
that! Every time we get one of those...
Nabiki: What are you so worried about? I've worked for the
government most of my life.
Ranma: (sullen glare) You were an intelligence agent. That's a
completely different thing.
Nabiki: What do you have against the government, anyway?
Akane: (to Nabiki) It's a long story... and we have no time for it.
(She turns to Ranma.) Look, Ranma, I know how you feel about
the government, their agencies, and their contracts, but we're
taking this job. They're paying us well and we need the money!
Ranma: (turning away) Well, I don't care.
Akane: (wheeling Ranma about) You do now. You're coming with us!
Ranma: Hmph! Don't *I* ever get a say in what I do?
Akane: The Knight Sabers are a team effort. Not a democracy. (She
starts to walk off.)
Ranma: (yelling, loud enough for Akane to hear) Che, I don't know
who's worse - Dad, or you!

* * * *

MegaTokyo Aerospace Facility Control Center, 9:03 P.M.

The Knight Sabers arrive to find the Center in a well-practiced
turmoil, none of which was helped by the appearance of five heavily
armored women. A young male secretary, obviously intimidated,
approaches Akane.

Secretary: (nervously) Lieutenant Colonel Morinaka is waiting for you
in his office.
Nabiki: How long has he been waiting?
Secretary: A good ninety-three minutes, I believe.
Nabiki: (Smiles, but it's hidden by her visor.) Good.
Ranma: So he'll be in a big rush to get this over with, too?

Akane gives Ranma a glare Ranma could feel through her visor.

Ranma: <And when did you lose your sense of humor?>

Ranma shrugs, locking her hands behind her head nonchalantly.

Ranma: Always keep them waiting. It's better that way.

* * * *

Lieutenant Colonel Morinaka was drumming his fingers anxiously upon
an unused, two-years-out-of-date large desk calendar lying on his
desk as the Knight Sabers let themselves in.

Morinaka: You're late. Don't you know how being late affects the way
you look, professionally? I ought to reduce your fee as a
penalty...
Ranma: Go right ahead. If you don't really need us, there are plenty
of things we'd rather be doing.

So saying, she starts for the door, making sure the sound of her
gauntlet coming in contact with the old metal doorknob is heard in
the dead silence. The other Sabers turn to leave as well.
Morinaka stares uncomfortably at the Sabers' retreating backs.

Morinaka: (stands, slamming palms onto the desk) Wait!
Morinaka: (looking to the floor) You win. We need your help, and
there's no one else we can call.
Nabiki: (Privately, to Ranma) Guess I don't need to teach you how to
deal with government and military officials.
Ranma: (privately) Nope.

Morinaka settles into his chair.

Morinaka: The situation is this: our newest shuttle mission has been
hijacked by a mysterious individual who is demanding a
ransom of about fifty million dollars in US currency for
the return of the shuttle. Most of the equipment on that
ship is irreplaceable, and that terrorist knows it.
Morinaka: We suspect it may be the work of someone at Genom.
Ukyou: Why?
Morinaka: We refused to let them buy into the mission.
Ukyou: That'll do it.
Akane: (nods) Genom always gives people good reason to be suspicious.
I'll bet they were planning to make sure they had a presence
in the space colonies of the future, and you've upset that
timetable just a bit.
Morinaka: Yes. So, can we count on you?
Akane: (privately) What do you think, minna?

The Knight Sabers - including Ranma - grudgingly agree.

Akane: (privately, to Ranma) Good. I was hoping you'd agree.

Akane: Okay. We'll take the job. Now, tell us how you expect to get
us up to that shuttle.
Morinaka: (smirks) You don't have a ship of your own?
Akane: We're woking on it. But nothing that can take us into orbit.
Akane: ...*Yet*.

Morinaka leaves his desk and heads for the door.

Morinaka: Follow me.

He leads the Knight Sabers along a catwalk overlooking the large
Control Room.

Morinaka: As you probably know, we don't design our spacecraft with
offensive capabilities in mind.
Nabiki: Let me guess. They've managed to arm the shuttle.
Morinaka: (surprised) How did you know?
Nabiki: Standard bad guy procedure. Try reading a book or watching
TV sometime.
Morinaka: Whatever. Have any of you had flight training?
Nabiki: (Casually raises a hand.) I have. I'm a certified pilot.
Nabiki: And don't bother asking to see my license, either.
Ranma: You're a pilot?
Nabiki: Yep.
Morinaka: (to Nabiki) We'll need to run you through an impromptu
course on piloting a shuttle. Just the basics; you're on
your own if it comes down to evasive manuevering.
Nabiki: Great.
Morinaka: In a worst-case scenario, you can link the shuttle's
systems to ours and we can pilot the shuttle from here. But bear in
mind we only have rudimentary control, so it's not an option in
sensitive situations.
Ranma: <Why are you telling us this, then?>
Morinaka: We'll be sending all of you up in another shuttle to
intercept and board the first shuttle. Our crews will
attempt to override the first shuttle's computer systems so
that they won't see you coming.
Shampoo: Computer hacking, eh? Now, you're talking! I think I'll
stay down here and see what I can do to help.
Akane: (pauses) I'd better stay and coordinate our efforts from here,
too.

She looks at Shampoo, who's already eyeing the Center's computers.

Shampoo: Not bad... but I've got a few suggestions on how to improve
these things, if you've got the time...
Akane: (motions toward Shampoo) And keep an eye on *her*.

* * * *

...And so, less than two hours later, a nearly identical shuttle was
being braced against the launch gantry in preparation for its
mission. Nabiki secured herself into the seventeen-strap pilot's
chair and tried to move something - *anything* - in order to look
back at Ranma and Ukyou to see if they had the same problem.

Nabiki: Everything secure back there?
Ranma: I hate these seats.
Nabiki: I'll take that as a 'yes.' Ukyou?
Ukyou: I... think so. I wish these things came with instructions...
Ranma: The seat belts?
Ukyou: No, the air freshener hanging from the rear-view mirror! What
do you think?
Ranma: Sorry.
Ukyou: (Realizes her mistake.) Oops. I'm the one who should
apologize, Ran-chan.

Nabiki resets her position in the already-despised chair and flips a
third row of switches on the communications console.

Nabiki: (monotone) Shuttle Two to ground crew - is everything ready
down there?
Shampoo: (over shuttle radio) Just about. I've almost got access to
Shuttle One's systems. I can guarantee you relatively safe
passage, but once you get within visual range...
Ukyou: If that's the case, why don't you take over their guidance
systems instead? Pilot their shuttle down and save everyone a
lot of trouble.
Ranma: (privately) What, and throw away our chance at getting paid?
Akane: (over shuttle radio) It's too risky. They'd notice it in a
second, and then we'd lose our chance. Then we'd have to bring
them in the hard way.
Ranma: (In a low voice, pretending to crack her metal knuckles) I
kind of prefer the hard way.
Ukyou: (To Akane.) Why not?
Morinaka: (over shuttle radio) Our shuttle systems weren't designed
with these circumstances in mind. It isn't like shuttle
hijackings are commonplace, you know.
Morinaka: I'm not paying the five of you to sit here and *talk*. We
have no time left - we need to see this through, now!
Morinaka: Remember, we can't afford to lose that shuttle you're in,
either, so take care of it. (He signs off.)
Ukyou: Couldn't you have at least given us a backup crew up here?
Ranma: (Closes her eyes and inhales sharply.) Would *you* send a
bunch of inexperienced techs into space with us? We're
obviously far more expendable than this tin can we're in...
Nabiki: (Tries once more to look back.) She's right, you know.
'Insure the vehicle but not those in it.'
Ukyou: What kind of lunatic decision is that?
Nabiki: A business decision.

* * * *

Aboard the original shuttle, a tall robed figure stands before the
cockpit windows, overshadowed by the sight of the Universe before him.
On either side of him stand two boomers who look for all the world as
if they have nothing better to do.

Man: (laughs) You know, if this were a story of some sort, they'd
have me revealing who I actually am or what my 'diabolical plan'
is at this very moment. How those fools down on Earth are
playing games, refusing to admit to themselves that they know
what's REALLY going on.
Man: And how the Knight Sabers wouldn't dare come because they would
never get within range of our ship without us blowing them right
out of the sky - what's left of it out here.
Man: (laughs again) No, that's not going to happen! To hell with
drama, because there's only one thing I truly want, and who said
I had to tell anyone what that thing is?
Man: <Including the one I work for.>

He gazes out the viewport a few seconds longer before turning away.

Man: (To the boomers.) Now, has anyone seen my glasses?

* * * *

Voice: Five......... Four.........

Ukyou grit her teeth in anticipation of the launch.

Voice: Three......... Two.........

Nabiki tightened her grip on the shuttle's controls.

Voice: One. Blast-off!

The shuttle's jet's flare, lifting the awkward metal bird into the
sky. Shampoo and Akane watch from the supposed safety of the Control
Room and each wishes her friends a silent good-luck.

Morinaka: (softly) Another successful launch. (To Shampoo.) Are you
sure the terrorists won't detect the shuttle launch or
approach?
Shampoo: (pauses) I can't be sure. They can still detect us in other
ways. But so long as they depend on the computers, they
won't see our people coming.

Akane's eyes fix on the image of the first shuttle as though she
sensed something sight alone didn't reveal.

Akane: <I don't like this...>

Aboard Shuttle Two, Nabiki let the auto-pilot take over for the
dangerous part of the trip: clearing Earth's atmosphere. She
loosened enough of her seat's straps to allow her to remove the
helmet from her hardsuit.
Akane had reassured them all that the suits would provide them with
all they needed to survive out in the Universe. Still, Nabiki wished
she'd brought along a few oxygen tanks to be on the safe side.

She breathes a sigh of relief - and the shuttle's reprocessed air.

Nabiki: There! Now that we're underway and maintaining radio
silence, we don't have to worry about anyone seeing us with
our helmets or visors off.
Ukyou: (sarcastically) Oh, yeah. Some relief THAT is after that
lousy launch. If it weren't for these seat belts I think I'd
find out what it's like to be batted around with my own
spatula...
Ukyou: You know, you really oughta take more lessons. (She removes
her helmet so that Nabiki can see her grin.)
Nabiki: (Drawing her words out.) Oh, really?
Ukyou: What d'you think, Ranma?
Ranma: ............
Ukyou: Ranma?
Ranma: ............
Ukyou: (Frees a hand to knock lightly on Ranma's hardsuit) You okay?
You're sure bein' awful quiet in there...

An all-too-familiar voice came fom the rear of the cabin, surprising
Ukyou and Nabiki.

Ranma: I always hate these kinds of flights. There's never anything
good to eat.

Ukyou looked between Ranma's hardsuit, still strapped fully secure
into its chair, and Ranma herself, in shock. Ranma, for her part,
simply stood there toying with a chip of astronaut ice cream.

Ukyou: How the hell did you do that? And here I thought Shampoo
being able to eat with her helmet visor locked down was bad
enough...

Ranma unbuckles the seat straps and pieces her hardsuit back on.

Ranma: Oh. By the way, Nabiki, that was a pathetic launch.
Nabiki: It isn't like I've had practice. Why don't we see how YOU do
on the way back?
Ukyou: No! Not on your life! If she pilots a shuttle like she rides
a motorcycle, we're all in BIG trouble!!!
Ukyou: (To Ranma, before Ranma has a chance to reply) And just how
were you getting around back there before the artificial
gravity kicked in?
Ranma: I'm used to moving around on ceilings, remember?
Ukyou: Hmph.

Nabiki lets a quick feline smile show and turns back to the controls.
It was time to set the second part of the plan in motion.

Some time later, she manuevered the shuttle as close as she could
into position within the first shuttle's blind spot.

Nabiki: (To Ukyou and Ranma.) Okay, you two - get into position. We
should be close enough for you to get to that bay before
Shampoo blows the doors without having to resort to those
portable manuevering jets they gave us... I hope. Prepare to
see if my little sister actually knows what she's talking
about...

She opened their bay doors, and Ranma and Ukyou kick-launched
themselves out into space.

* * * *

Shampoo watched the monitor display closely, hoping to time her move
right. She intended to open the bay doors on Shuttle 1 just before
Ranma and Ukyou launched into them, giving her two teammates a chance
to make it through the doors before someone could close them again.

Akane: Shampoo, aren't you going to--
Shampoo: Not yet!

Akane's apprehension grew as the two Knight Sabers drew closer to the
bay doors. Finally, Shampoo saw her chance.

Shampoo: Now!

She jammed a finger down on one key - taking care not to let her
armor pierce a hole in the delicate hardware. There'd be hell to pay
if she damaged any of the MTAF hardware...

Far above, the bay doors opened. Ranma and Ukyou shot in without a
lapse in movement, and the doors clammed shut behind them.

* * * *

Moose sat in one of the pilot's chairs aboard Shuttle 1, feet propped
up and crossed over the main control panel. He took pleasure in
humming a fragment of 'Ja Ja Umani Sasenaide.'

Boomer: Sir! We've detected the presence of two of the Knight Sabers
in the cargo hold!
Moose: Of course you-- WHAT!? How did they get on board?
Boomer: We believe they found a way to activate the bay doors and
enter through them, sir.
Moose: So you decided that rather than take care of them, you would
come and inform me?
Boomer: (confused) Sir?
Moose: (sighs) Why do we spend millions installing artificial
intelligence units if this is the thanks we get?
Boomer: Um, ah...
Moose: Do I actually have to TELL you what to do, now? Get your tail
out there and take care of the Knight Sabers!
Boomer: As you wish.

The embarrassed boomer quietly bows out of the cockpit area, sliding
doors hissing shut behind him.

* * * *

The shuttle bay was completely dark.
Ranma and Ukyou allowed their visors to automatically default to
infrared mode.

Ranma: How much you wanna bet they're waiting somewhere around here
for us?
Ukyou: No bet. I owe too much money to Nabiki already.
Ranma: Serves you right.
Ukyou: Don't preach to me about gambling until you can cure Nabiki of
the habit.
Ranma: ......

Ranma frowned upon noting that her enhanced audio pickups were
picking up the clicks of her metal feet magnetically grabbing and
releasing the floor. If *she* could hear the noise, so could
everyone else...
She told her systems to reset the magnets to the lowest level she
could use without floating away. That lowered the sound somewhat,
but not by too much. Ranma turned her attention back to the light
controls.

Ukyou: (interrupting) Uh, Ranma...? I think we'd better forget about
the light switch for the moment.

Ranma turns slowly about; several Boomer-shaped smudges appeared
in a wide arc within the range of her scan, surrounding them. Just
what she needed...

Ranma: Oh, well, we knew this would happen sooner or later...

Ukyou shrugs.
Unfortunately, that turned out to be the move that spurred the
Boomers to attack.

Ranma and Ukyou began their counterattack in earnest. Four Boomers,
then a fifth, fell before anyone even knew what was happening.

[Nabiki: For all of you who are reading this, this is the section
[ where our illustrious writer thought he could get away with
[ being a little bit lazy and not describe the fight in full
[ detail. However, if you'd like to know what actually
[ happened, send me 530 yen and I'll send you the full
[ details. Act now; this is a one-time offer... and all that
[ jazz. For more details, call--
[
[Mike: Nabiki? You want to tell me what you're doing?
[
[Nabiki: What do you *think* I'm doing?
[
[Mike: This is an anime fanfic. You - *we* aren't supposed to be
[ making any money from it.
[
[Nabiki: Why not? Considering all the unflattering scenes you wrote
[ for me in this story... (She smiles.) Maybe this story
[ would've been better if Drew had written the whole thing.
[(She leaves the room, as Mike frowns.)

Ukyou: Only two more to go!
Ranma: You're actually keeping score?
Ukyou: This hasn't exactly been an exciting fight.
Ranma: Okay, how about this?

Ranma leaps high into the air, landing neatly upon one of the
Boomers' heads. Ukyou had to laugh - Ranma was casually standing
there as if she belonged there.

Boomer: Hey! Get down from there!
Ukyou: (unimpressed) That's nothing.
Ranma: I'm not finished.

The next part of Ranma's plans involved turning up the magnetism on
her feet a few levels. All of a sudden, the Boomer found its precious
memories fading away...

Boomer: No! Don't! Stop that! You'll-- (slurs, just before
dropping dead to the floor)

Ukyou: I've gotta admit, that's a new one on me.
Ranma: I'm still not done.

Ranma boosted her magnetism level to maximum long enough to crush the
Boomer between her feet and the floor like an aluminum soda can.
Seeing this, Ukyou applauds.

Ranma: (Picks up the Boomer with one hand.) I wonder what recycling
bin you put THESE in...

The final Boomer leapt from behind a wall of secured shuttle modules
at the two Knight Sabers.

Boomer2: You'll pay for your foolishness!

Of course, leaping 'into the air' in outer space to attack one's
opponents probably wasn't a very good idea. Especially if one's
opponent happened to be standing near the manual control for the
shuttle's bay doors.

Acting on instinct, Ukyou slammed her palm onto the large red button.
At what might have been the height of its jump, the Boomer found
itself drifting freely out into space. It made a series of frantic
grabs for the edge of one of the bay doors as it passed.

Ranma: Hurry up and close that thing! You're letting all the air out!

Ukyou ignored Ranma's wisecrack and hit the button again. Meanwhile,
the Boomer had finally caught hold of the door's edge... only to lose
its hand a moment later when the doors closed tightly upon it.
It drifted toward the cockpit area before it caught hold of the
shuttle again with its good hand.

Moose: (seeing this take place on the cockpit monitors) What the...?

The Boomer forcefully pulled itself along the side of the shuttle back
toward the bay, taking several key external shuttle systems with it
as it did so. Moose noticed this in the cockpit as things began
turning dim, indicators flashed red and alarms sounded...

Only then did one of his monitors show an image of Nabiki's shuttle,
long enough for him to see her pick the errant Boomer off Shuttle 1
with her shuttle's laser systems. That monitor, too, faded to black.

Moose: Blast those Knight Sabers! ...How the heck do you turn off
these stupid alarms? I can't see a thing with the red glow in
here...

About to open the hatch leading out of the landing bay, Ranma and
Ukyou feel the ship lurch violently.
Nabiki's voice broke radio silence.

Nabiki: (radio) Whatever you two did, the shuttle's falling out of
orbit. Shampoo tells me you're losing power and falling back
to Earth.
Ranma: You think that Boomer we let out had something to do with it?
Nabiki: Maybe. Or maybe whoever's in the cockpit has decided to
return the shuttle the hard way.

The hatch hisses open.

Ukyou: Got the door!
Ranma: Right! Let's see who our hijacker really is!

They manage to make it to the cockpit without any further events,
having destroyed all of the hijacker's Boomer crew in the shuttle bay.

[Nabiki: 'Conveniently destroyed,' you mean. What a ripoff.
[
[Mike: Shh!

Moose: (wheeling about) Ah, the Knight Sabers. I've been waiting for
you...

Ukyou and Ranma sourly note that Moose was once again looking in the
wrong direction.

Ukyou: We're over here, you twit!
Ranma: (making a quick scan of the ship's control panels) And I doubt
the only thing you've been doing is waiting for us. Not when
this ship's going down in a ball of flames.

She put up a temporary scan of the surrounding airspace in a corner
of her visor's viewscreen. Nabiki's shuttle was trailing theirs,
almost out of the range of Ranma's scans.

Moose: I... um, I meant for things to happen this way! (He adopts a
firm stance in between the controls and the Knight Sabers.)
Since my demands were not met, I'm sending their shuttle back!
Let them try to pick their precious cargo out of all the
pieces...
Ranma: And you too, I suppose.

Moose's words die in his throat.
Ukyou runs a quick scan of the entire ship.

Ukyou: I don't see any way for you to leave this party. For
starters, all the escape pods are dead.
Noose: .........
Ranma: Unless we can land this thing, you're gonna wind up dying
right here along with us.

Moose appears to think about the situation for a moment.

Moose: (eyes disappearing behind the light refelecting from his
glasses) Not if I eliminate the two of you beforehand!

Moose attacks, charging forward and launching a series of chains from
each sleeve. At the end of each chain was a spiked ball, which Moose
took to swinging about in an effort to tie up and batter the Knight
Sabers at the same time.
Ukyou whipped up one of her laser ribbons to slice through the ends
of three of the chains. Feeling confident, Ranma grasped one of the
chains with the intent of swinging Moose by the end of his own chain,
rather than the other way around... and the memory of Moose using
*her* as a human yo-yo still lingering in her mind. (* See Bubblegum
Splash! 7.)

She hadn't counted on a scrambler being secured to the end of the
chain she caught. All anyone could see from the outside was the
energy crackling around and through Ranma's hardsuit, Ranma's armored
form tightening up as her hardsuit's mechanical joints 'reflexively'
contracted.

Ukyou: (privately) Ranma!!
Nabiki: (privately) What's going on over there?

Before Ukyou could make a move to help Ranma, Moose brought another
round of chains her way. Ukyou ducks under the chains, flinging a
handful of her small spatulas upward to sever these chains as well.
She briefly recalled what Shampoo had originally said about Moose,
and filed the information away for later use.
Inside Ranma's hardsuit, the Knight Saber struggled against her own
systems to remain operational. With an unsurprising burst of
strength, she resumed her grip on the chain and gave it a strong yank.

She found that Moose had let go of the chain. With no place for her
momentum to go, she fell backward against the bulkhead. Fortunately,
the impact knocked the scrambler away from her suit. She strained to
stand upright while catching her breath.

Ranma: Damn it, you fool, we've got no time for this! We're going
down and this is all you can think of doing?
Moose: Why not? It's fun!

He launches another set of weapons on chains straight toward her, but
Ranma ducked under them, rushed toward Moose and gave him her best
blow square in the gut. Moose doubles over and collapses to the
floor.

Ranma: (catching her breath) Geez, you think that all those chains he
carries in there would've given him SOME protection...
Ukyou: (nervously looking over the control panels) Never mind that!
We're about to hit the atmosphere and I don't know if this
thing can make it!
Ranma: We're going to try.

She takes a seat in the pilot's chair.

Ukyou: What do you think you're doing!?
Ranma: The way I see it, we're going to have to bring this can down
manually, and our pilot's already got her hands full. You got
any flight experience?
Ukyou: Me? No. You?
Ranma: (takes the flight controls) I've spent some time in the
simulators at the arcade...
Ukyou: (Makes a gesture of defeat.) Guess that'll have to do, then.
Ranma: Okay. Get on the radio to Nabiki and Shampoo and find out what
we've got to do.

* * * *

Morinaka: They're *WHAT*!?
Shampoo: (ignoring Morinaka) They're coming down on manual control.
A lot of the systems are damaged and they don't have a clue
as to what to do.
Morinaka: (clasps hand over eyes) I knew I should've sent up someone
qualified...
Akane: (trying to sound confident) Don't worry, they'll make it.
I've got a good feeling about this.
Shampoo: (privately) You make a lousy cheerleader, Akane.
Morinaka: (to Shampoo) I thought you had control over the shuttle!
Shampoo: I *did*, until their systems went haywire. Or so they say.
I've only got minimal control at the moment. It's mostly in
their hands, now. Na-- our pilot is trying to talk them
down.

* * * *

Nabiki: <Thank goodness for all this hardware.>

Nabiki appreciated the fact that the Knight Sabers' hardsuit
technology gave her the ability to see Ranma's controls from the
other's point of view, in addition to where they were headed. Chalk
up another point for Akane.

[Nabiki: Akane couldn't put together a machine to save her life.
[
[Mike: What's with the running commentary? Are you trying to turn
[ this into an episode of 'Mystery Science Theater 3000?' (He
[ tries a faint grin.) Our readers are going to get annoyed...
[
[Nabiki: Then try writing something that makes sense.

Under Nabiki's distant supervision, Ukyou had already managed to find
the controls for the heat shields and activate them, thanking the
stars that the system wasn't damaged. Ranma dared not take a look
back at Ukyou - had she done that, she might have had an idea how
worried Ukyou truly was.
A hard jolt signalled that they had entered Earth's upper atmosphere.
Ukyou glanced at what she could see of Ranma behind the chair and
wondered what was running through the other's mind.

Nabiki watched Shuttle 1 shudder under the pressure and switched her
communicator line open. What the heck, might as well reassure the
crew by letting them know she had a similar problem.

Why in the world was she being so giving to Ranma?

Nabiki: (sighs) <Wish they'd design these ships with casual travel in
mind...>

Ranma's ship began to veer away.

Nabiki: (straining) Ranma? You're losing it. See if you can pull
back alongside my shuttle.
Ranma: Okay.

Shuttle 1 shook for half a moment, then pulled into position.

Nabiki: We'd better start pulling up. I don't think we want to land
like overgrown lawn darts...
Ranma: (sarcastically) Gee, thanks for the wonderful imagery. Going
to include our crash and burn in your next song?
Nabiki: Suit yourself. Just remember that I'm helping you down *for
free*. You know what a loss I'm taking here?
Ukyou: Why do I get the feeling you'd charge a drowning victim for
help?
Akane: Oneechan, did I hear that correctly? You're *CHARGING* Ranma
for assistance? Whose side are you on, anyway?
Nabiki: No. I'm not charging her, or anyone else. Of course I
wouldn't ask for money when someone's life is in danger--
Nabiki: <--but if Ranma dies, I'll have to find someone else to
blackmail.>

Both shuttles reach the inner atmosphere layer after what seemed like
a maddening eternity.

Shampoo: You're both coming along fine; on approach to MTAF landing
zone number three. I'm going to relay the landing approach
we want you to use to your computers, and I hope you receive
it.

A small screen to the left of Ukyou's hand read, 'Transmission
Complete.'

Ukyou: Got it!
Ranma: Can you stick it on one of these screens up here so I can see
it?
Ukyou: I'll try. But remember, I have absolutely no idea what I'm
doing.
Nabiki: Don't worry about it. I'm going to manuever out in front.
Just match me move for move and follow my directions to the
letter.

With Nabiki's help, Ranma brought the shuttle down gradually to that
part of the sky normally commanded by airplanes. What neither Ukyou
nor Ranma saw, however, was that Moose had stirred. He took in all
that was taking place and decided to make his move. Bolting to his
feet, he opened the cockpit's outer door and depressurized the
cockpit.

Moose: (laughing) So long, fools! (He leaps out the door.)
Ukyou: He's escaping!
Nabiki: Never mind him! Close that door!

Ukyou strains against the windstorm and pulls the door shut with
every last bit of strength she and her suit possessed.

Nabiki: Whew! We're too high up for that guy to survive a fall like
that, anyway.
Ranma: (Regains control.) He'll probably survive.
Nabiki: Willing to bet on that?
Ukyou: Nabiki!
Nabiki: Sorry, force of habit.
Nabiki: We're going to try to land now. Are you sure you can make it?
Ranma: I hope so. Ukyou?
Ukyou: I don't know.
Shampoo: You'd better hope so! I can't see anything wrong with your
shuttle that would prevent you from making a landing.
Morinaka: (suddenly remembering something) What about the cargo? Is
the cargo okay?
Ranma: (publically) Yeah, it's all here. If anything's damaged, send
Genom the bill.
Akane: (to Morinaka) Speaking of bills...
Morinaka: Hm?
Akane: ...there's the little matter of our fee. Would you mind
stepping over here to discuss it with me?
Morinaka: Your people are risking their lives at this very moment,
and you want to discuss money? What if they don't make it?
Akane: Then I'll be very upset. But this still has to be done.

Shampoo: Ranma? I think you're close enough for me to try taking
control over your shuttle's systems again from here. Want me
to try?
Ranma: Of course! What, you think we've ever landed a space shuttle
before? Our training never covered this...
Ukyou: Either one of you lands this ship, or *I'm* going to try! Do
you two want THAT on your conscience?
Nabiki: I thought you weren't willing to find out how good Ranma was
at piloting shuttles?
Ukyou: Did I have a choice?
Ranma: I gave you a chance.
Ukyou: Yeah, well... I'd hate to think of how you'd deal with
malfunctioning computer equipment even more.
Nabiki: Oooh, I hadn't thought about that.
Shampoo: Activating ground control... *now*.

Shuttle 1 rocked and pitched slightly again, then leveled off.

Shampoo: I've got it! Ranma, you and Ukyou can sit back and relax
now.
Ukyou: And leave the flying to you?
Shampoo: No. The MTAF crew's doing that. I'm no pilot.
Nabiki: Maybe not, but I am. (public) Ground crew, you wanna give me
the landing arrangements, now?

The MTAF crew realizes its oversight in mid-celebration and sends
Nabiki her instructions.
Both shuttles touch down effortlessly.

[Nabiki: That's it? No description of my superior piloting skills?
[
[Mike: Why? You don't know how to fly a plane in real life.
[ (snorts) You usually hire someone to do it for you. *Drew*
[ could fly a plane better than you.
[
[Nabiki: Maybe. But I pay the hired help better.
[
[Mike: <Yeah, sure...>

Akane: Now, about that compensation...
Morinaka: All right, you'll get the fee we agreed on. Will you stop
badgering me?

Meanwhile, crews have arrived to help Nabiki, Ranma and Ukyou out of
their shuttles and inspect the damage.

Nabiki: Good job, little sister. But you need a little more training
in business tactics.
Ranma: I think she did okay. For an unskilled tomboy, that is.
Akane: WHAT!?
Ranma: (ignoring Akane) Anyone who can squeeze a dime out of an
agency like the MTAF deserves all the praise they can get.
Akane: ...Ranma...
Akane: (Snaps her mind back to the matter at hand.) We did it as a
team. Don't forget that. You three handled the shuttles,
Shampoo organized the computers--
Ukyou: --And you stood around and did nothing but tell everyone what
to do.
Akane: (trying to maintain her temper) Button it, Ukyou. Remember
who's got your share of the money.

One of the clean-up crew turns to Ranma.

Crewer: You were the one that flew this ship down, right?
Ranma: Yeah, I guess so. Why?
Crewer: The auto-pilot systems are still fully operational. Why
didn't you use them?
Ukyou: (Notably upset.) You mean to tell us we had a chance to avoid
all that trouble and you **DIDN'T TAKE IT**!??!?
Ranma: (Calmly.) You were the one manning the systems. You tell me.
Ukyou: ...............
Nabiki: So ends another chapter in the story of the Knight Sabers.

[Nabiki: Good riddance.

----------------------------------

CREDITS:
(in semi-alphabetical order)

Concept:
--------
Drew Hurlstone
Mike Koos

Special Guest Appearance by:
----------------------------
David Wills, Official Interdimensional Raving Hentai Lunatic

Creative Consultants:
---------------------
John Boomgarn
Drew Hurlstone
David Wills

Pre-readers:
------------
Johnny Dentino
David Wills

Special Thanks:
---------------
Richard Beaubien
John Biles
John Boomgarn
Johnny Dentino
Drew Hurlstone
Thomas Kinnen
Louis-Philippe Giroux
Tom Williams
David Wills
The Home Crew (obligatory reference)
Readers everywhere...

Apologies to Rumiko Takahashi, Kenichi Sonoda and to anyone else
whose characters or situations were referenced to or used here.

If any BGS! story ever fell under the term 'cursed,' this one might
be it. It's been pushed back a few times since about BGS 6, and
tossed about our would-be 'offices.' ^_^

Past installments of Bubblegum Splash! are available for FTP from
the rec.arts.anime.stories archive site at:
ftp.std.com/archives/anime-fan-works/Ranma/Ranma-BGC-Splash
...and thanks again to MegaZone for this. Or, email me and I can try
mailing stories to you.

Comments, questions, suggestions? E-mail me at the addresses below.

**********************************
* Mike "Ranma Saotome" Koos * "I can do nothing to stop you. Your
* (AKA "Makoto Kino") * background music is too strong for
* -------------------------------* me."
* FIDOnet : 1:203/955 *
* Internet: mak...@mother.com * - Whose Line is it Anyway?
**********************************