[Ranma] Communication Breakdown [FanFic]

[AlberCrombie]

Well - here it is - my first - YAH!

Lemmie know what you think.

Mucho dankes to the Fanfic ML....

anyway....

Communication Breakdown
by AlberCrombie -- The One and Only Space Gopher

All rights reserved to Takahashi, VIZ, and everybody else who owns a piece
of Ranma and Co.'s hide.

********
PROLOGUE

The day was hotter than the previous one, which had been hotter than
the day before that. This was one of the hottest summers that Japan had
seen in a decade. Not much was happening anywhere in Japan, and especially
nothing was happening in Nermia.
Ranma was sitting under the large tree in the back reading a book -
Zen and the Art of Dojo Repair (A tool box and some wood were next to him
and a BIG hole was in the side of the dojo), Nabiki was lying in the yard
sunning herself, Genma and Soun were trying to finish a game of Go, Kasumi
was sewing up a pair of socks, and Akane was wandering around the dojo
looking for P-Chan.
Kasumi finished darning her socks and went over to her father.
"Father, I have an idea. Why don't we all go to the beach? It's been
a while since we've all gone."
Soun looked up fro the go board, "Hmm. A good idea, Kasumi."
"Aah, nothing like the open sea and a good breeze, eh, Tendo?"
Genma chamred in, also noting that neither Tendo noticed him placing an
extra go piece or two on the board.
"Kasumi, why don't you go tell everyone else, we're almost done
with this game."
"Alright, father," she got up and went over to her sisters as Soun
went back to his game.
"Now, Genma, let's finish this...what!? I could have sworn you
didn't have that piece there before." He looked back and forth between the
game board and his friend with confusion. Genma just drank his beer.

"Nabiki, Akane, I've just talked to father, and he said we can all go
to the beach," Kasumi said.
"Ooh, I can try out my new bikini in front of some the gorgeous guys
there," Nabiki responded.
"I think a good swim will do me good," Akane added, feeling the
muscles in her arms, "I'm a little out of shape and I'm tired of looking for that
pig. Where could he have gone this time?"
Nabiki stood up and gathered up the towel she had been laying on,
"Hey! Ranma! Get your stuff together, we're going to the beach."
"Huh?" He looked up from his book, "Cool. Be ready in a sec." He
got up and ran into the house.

* * *

The beach. Not a cloud in the sky and the water looked very refreshing.
They picked a good spot, dropped off the towels and other assorted beach items
(not to mention, the huge basket of food made by Kasumi) and headed towards
the water. Soun and Genma took off running acting like a couple of little
kids. Nabiki sauntered towards the water trying to show as much of her form
as possible to any of the males bothering to look her way. She took note of
a multitude of male heads turning towards her as she got close to the water.
Kasumi walked next to her sister, not trying to look as sexy as her younger
sibling, but still attracting a lot of attention none the less.
Akane was finishing taking off her outer garments, revealing a tan
one-piece with three red stripes running diagonally across her chest and
back. When she pulled off her top, she noticed Ranma looking at her, but
when she turned towards him, he quickly turned his head.
She was about to say something snide to him about being a peeping
tom, but she was cut off from a voice behind her.
"What beauty doth appear before me? It is a bloom amongst the sand,
one rugged and versed in the art of survival, yet, full of elegance and
splendor."
Ranma and Akane both looked at each other and then Akane slowly
looked behind them. Ranma just shook his head, "oh, no, not him. Not here.
Not today."
Akane groaned one word. "Kuno."
The slender kendo captian approached them looking as smug as usual.
"Ah, Akane Tendo, your radiance out shines the sun its self this day."
"What are you doing here, Kuno?" She asked. This day started so
well, she thought, but was going down hill fast.
"I am here to enjoy the sand and the ocean, just like you and your
family. It is fate that brings us here together today."
"Fate. Wonderful." She didn't sound thrilled.
Ranma decided to see just what Kuno would do this time. He always
had a knack for out doing himself. Just when Ranma thought he had seen all
of Kuno's dirty tricks and bad manners, (and let's face it, Ranma's seen
plenty from Kuno!) Kuno always came up with something new and different to
drive everybody nuts. But no matter what happened, the end result was
always the same - he usually got a free trip to the upper atmosphere.
"Ah, my lovely one, this sun can be a danger to one such as
yourself. Here let me coat you with oil." Kuno produced a bottle of
coconut tanning oil from nowhere and plopped open the top. Akane's eyes
went wide at the thought of Kuno getting his hands on her body. Ranma's
eyes also went wide, for he too thought of Kuno getting his hands on Akane.
Akane was just about to tell Kuno off, when Ranma grabbed her and
pulled her to his side.
"Kuno. Do you really expect her to let you oil her down? All
you're looking for is an excuse to actually get your hentai hands on her for
once. If anybody is going to oil Akane's wide hips down, it's going to be
me!"
"WHAT?! You would dare defile and insult her body, you heathen!
I'll see your blood flow across these sands for this outrage!" Kuno dropped
the bottle and pulled his sword out of nowhere and went into a battle
stance.
As the combatants squared off, they overlooked one minute detail;
Akane - she was doing that blue aura thing.
"RANMA NO BAKA!!!" She quickly reached out, grabbed Kuno's sword
and swung it at Ranma. She hit at just such an angle that he wasn't cut but
was sent hurtiling into the air. "If you think I'm going to let you get your
hands on me....!!!
"And you...." she turned on Kuno on the follow thru with the sword.
"If I want suntan oil, I'll do it myself!" With that, she stomped on the
tanning lotion bottle and squirted the contents all over Kuno. Then she
arced the sword into the sand. This accomplished a miniture sandstorm,
which seemed very attracted to the goop-covered Kuno.
He stood there watching her storm off down the beach.
"Perhaps, I have made a slight misjudgement, today. *URK* I think
I have sand in my shorts! THIS IS YOUR FAULT, SAOTOME!!!!" With that, he
hobbled back to his towel on the beach, only stopping and falling down once
to add more sand to his already sandy body.

CHAPTER 1

Akane was furious. She was mad at Kuno for being so damn annoying
and she was mad at Ranma for being...well, Ranma. As she made tracks across the
beach towards the water's edge she started to do her usuall ranting and
raving against Ranma.
"Just once, I would like to get a little respect from that hentai!
Is that too much to ask? He hates my help, he hates my cooking, and he
even seems to hate me some times! OOHH! He gets me so mad I just want
to....to..."
"What? You want to do what?"
She whipped around and saw a very dusty Ranma-kun extracting his
self from the sands that he had impacted with a few moments earlier. He was
upset that he made her mad and that she had punted him into low orbit. But he
was also very cautious. Ranma knew that Akane, in this state, could explode
at any moment and he'd go right back into low orbit or even the hospital.
"YOU!"
"What? I'm curious. Just what do you want to do?"
"WHAT?"
He was calming down himself, and he was tring to calm her down at
the same time.
"You said I made you so mad sometimes that you wanted to do
something. I just want to know what it is? Just what do I make you want to
do?"
"GRRRRR......I WANT TO BEAT SOME SENSE INTO THAT THICK SKULL OF
YOURS, BUT IT NEVER WORKS! I'M NOT UGLY, I'M NOT FAT, I CAN COOK, AND I
CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!"
"Ok," Ranma decided, "this is looking better, she didn't hit me.
"Look, Akane, first of all you can't cook - we both know that." He
noticed that blue glow coming back. "Come on, even Kasumi won't eat your
cooking, and you know how she hates to refuse anybody anything because it
makes them sad. She hates to make people sad, especially her own family!"
The blue aura went away, and Ranma-kun gave a sigh of relief. Akane
looked a little less furious.
"...I know..." She hung her head down a little.
"And you're right. You're aren't ugly or fat." She looked back up
at Ranma. "Look, let's go find some sea shells or something and maybe we
can talk about this a little later."
With that, they headed down the beach away from the their families
and the rest of the summer crowd.

* * *

Since the time they became engaged they had denied that it would ever
actually lead to marriage. But, somewhere in the back of their young heads,
they wondered, wondered what it would be like to be married. When one of
them pondered the remote (but utimately ludicris they always told themselves)
idea that they liked they other, neither could ever really convince themselves
they *DIDN'T* like the other at least a little bit.
Their walk started simply to seek pretty husks of departed sea
creatures, and so did their conversations. But an unguarded word here by
Akane and a mumbled reply from Ranma had plunged them into a discussion of
their worst fears - just how did they feel towards each other - how they
*REALLY* felt towards each other.
Maybe they were tired of the constant bickering or maybe they were
both equally curious for the other's answer, or maybe the gods decided they
should face each other, [Author's comment : "All right, all you Beldany fans
out there - stop that smirking! That's not what I meant and you know it!
Hrmph!"] but for once, they didn't fight their way out of the topic of
conversation. They actually sat down and talked it out!
The place they held their heart to heart was behind a few large
bolders on the beach. Neither wanted the rest of the family to see them.
If the others saw them talking like this, it was all over. Soun and Genma
would hound them to get married right then and there if they could find a
priest on the beach! For some reason, this small outcropping of rock felt
good, it cut all sounds from the rest of the beach to null, so only the
lapping of the waves could be heard.
The conversation was a ragged one. They would talk then sit and say
nothing then talk some more. This pattern repeated itself for a long time.
The only time the pattern changed was when Ranma jumped to avoid a big wave
crashing into the bolders. Now was not the time to be a girl, he knew he
could never finish the talk in his female form.
Eventually it came - the end of the talking - an answer came to
their question. Ranma spoke first, "Akane...I, uh. I really... Uh..."
Akane was on edge, she had to know, but she didn't dare push. He
could easily shut her out if she did. She held her breath and waited. A
moment later, he sat straight up and put down the sea shell he had been
figiting with and looked right at her.
"AKANE!" She looked at him with concern "...I...Idocareforyou." It
came out as a single word. She let her breath go and let the tears come.
He said it - he had finally said it.
There was no going back now, they both knew that. There was only
one thing left to do; the kiss. The kiss was needed to show that this whole
thing wasn't a mistake or a joke. They leaned their heads and bodies closer
to each other.
"Oh, Ranma..." Akane sighed.
This was the moment she had been waiting for. After all the verbal
abuse and through all the fights, she had always wanted this - and it was now
going to happen, Ranma was going to kiss her. She looked up into his blue
eyes and saw a flicker of panic there, this wasn't unexpected, he had always
hid his true feelings, she knew, but she prayed he'd overcome it this time.
He had to.
"..." was all Ranma could say as he neared his lips towards Akane's.
Sweat was building upon his brow, and not from the hot sun either. His mind
was on fire, total chaos had been let loose within his soul, and it was on
the brink of tearing him apart, but he knew now was the time. He had to do
it, he had to kiss her - things had gone too far to not do so.
So close. So close. They closed their eyes and erased the small
distance between them. Then the world went wet.

* * *

Kuno walked across the beach lost in thought. He was a troubled
kendo captain, and very concerned. He had been wondering around the beach
for the past hour or so aimlessly, trying to make sense of his recent
faliures.
"I do not believe that every time I try to win the heart of Akane
Tendo or the pig-tailed goddess, that I, Tatewaki Kuno, the Blue Thunder of
Furinkan High School,....fail." He hung his head in shame.
"Oh, why has fate decried this ill chain of events for me? What has
gone wrong? Am I not strong? Have I not proven my love to those who refuse
me? Alas. What if....what if it was never meant to be? Maybe I am not
destined to be the consort to either of the beauties I seek."
This was what plagued Kuno on this hot summer day. Why, he
wondered, were his advances spurned? He had been honest and chivalrious in
trying to win the love of those he considered the two perfect females in the
world.
Akane, he knew, could never love someone weaker than she, that is
why he always strove to defeat her in combat. He was convinced that he must
prove himself to her, and that would only come through combat. But, she
must think him weak, that must be it! Kuno knew he was good, the best, but
somehow he lost most of the time to that wretched Ranma Saotome. At the
thought of his enemy, Kuno ground his teeth together in anger.
Ranma was the cause of his problems with Akane, obviously. For, if
not for Ranma, Kuno was positive that Akane would be his, and his alone.
Damn Ranma Saotome and damn his arrival to Furinkan High School. Ranma,
Ranman, RANMA! It was all Saotome's fault!
Kuno had wandered far away from the bathers and was approaching a
small outcropping of rocks on the water's edge. Instead of heading to the
water, he walked towards the back of the large bolders. The thoughts of
Ranma made his head swim, Kuno wished he had brought his sword on the walk.
Just the weight in his hand would make him feel better, at least then he
could imagine felling his enemy with a few practice strokes of his blade in
the air.
But then another thought struck him. The pig-tailed girl. Why had
she spurned his advances? From what she always said, she just did not like
him. But how could this be? Was he not Tatewaki Kuno? In school, girls
always looked at him and talked about him (unbeknownst that they more mocked
him than praised). How could his red-headed goddess 'just not like him?'
There had to be another reason.
Then answer hit him - Saotome. Ranma had caused her to run from him
just like Akane. Kuno knew Saotome was at fault, somehow he had poisoned
her mind against him. Ranma had told him more than once, that if Ranma
had his way, the girl would never see Kuno again. Kuno didn't know how, but
he knew that the girl and Ranma were connected. Somehow, Ranma had enslaved
the girl's young mind and, Kuno shivered at the next thought, her body. He
had no proof other than when Ranma appeared, the goddess disappeared.
Kuno climbed up one of the rocks and sat. He was angry, he was sad,
but worst of all, he was confused. He hated when he was confused. This
usually meant that he would have to find Nabiki Tendo, for she had a nack of
explaining things to him that he did not understand. Unfortunately, she
also had a nack of draining his finances while explaining. For a while he
just sat and pondered, gazing across the lonely sand.
After a time, Kuno found his thoughts returning to the same point,
what could Ranma have possibly done to these girls to turn them against one
such as he? For that matter, and more importantly, HOW had Ranma affected
them?
What was the result of Ranma's meddling? This was the important
question. Obviously, the evil that was Ranma had twisted their outlook on
reality, their could be no other explanation. BUT, how did he twist their
outlook? This was the one that would need to be solved. Kuno slowly felt a
nagging feeling he would soon be watching his bank account dwindle, for his
answers would probably be coming from Nabiki.
He had just started to ponder the problem when he heard a sound. It
sounded like a voice he knew, it sounded like Ranma shouting 'AKANE!' Kuno
stood and looked around and saw no one. He shook his head, all this
thinking about Ranma was now infecting his brain! No, there was no one
near, he was sure.
Kuno decided it was time to stop pondering and start enjoying the
day. All the contemplation and anger had obviously unhinged his mental
processes a little. He started to climb the rocks he was sitting upon,
because he knew the cool ocean was on the other side, and a little exercise
to get there would help ease his mind.
Just as his hand reached the top rock, he heard another voice. This
time he was sure that he had heard it, and it sounded like Akane. Kuno
thought the voice said, 'Oh, Ranma.....' Upon hearing this he raised his
head over the top rock and looked down on the other side. All he saw was a
giant wave about two inches from his face.
After blinking the water away from his eyes, again he looked below.
There, dripping wet from the wave, was Akane. Also, next to her was his
red-headed goddess, also dripping wet! Kuno was estatic! He was about to
leap off the rock to greet those below him when he stopped, he noticed what
they were doing. They were kissing.
Kuno watched for a moment and his mind snapped, and quietly he whispered, "Ranma,
I now know what you have driven these innocent girls to and why they dislike
me so." At that he fainted.

CHAPTER 2

Kodachi danced across the beach twirling her patented yellow
ribbion. Darting from the hot sands to someone's sun parasol back to the
sands, she worked her way up and down the beach. Occationally she would
slash the ribbion at an innocent wooden sign or a helpless rock. Once or
twice she lashed out at a passerby doing nothing more than to cause them to
spill their drink or drop their ice cream cone. Ahh, what fun.
This was a good day, the sun was out, feeding her plants back in the
greenhouse and she was enjoying it herself. The idea for the beach came
from her fellow gymnists when they told her of the rumor that the Tendo's
were going to be here. And were the Tendo's go, the Saotome's usually
follow. It was this same logic that her brother went with her. Neither one
wanted a chance to miss seeing their respective loves - for Kodachi it was
Ranma, and for Kuno it was Akane (and even possibly his pig-tailed goddess).
With a wild "OHOHOHOH!" she bounded past the snack stand and
screeched to a halt. In front of her, next to the water's edge, was her
mortal enemies, Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl! Kodachi stayed next to
the snack stand watching the two together with a look that would have
shattered glass.
The two girls were walking, laughing, and just generally enjoying
the surf. They looked like they didn't have a care in the world. Kodachi
watched them for a few minutes until they stopped playing around, joined
hands and walked back down the beach. Kodachi decided that smiting these
two, now, would accomplish nothing. Ranma wasn't around to see her do it,
so the joy of watching his wonderful, thankful reaction of ridding him of
these two pests would be lost. After they were out of sight, Kodachi
bounded away along her original course.

* * *

Finally she came to a huge pile of rocks. She increased her pace
and whipped her ribbion faster than before. With a loud cry she lept into
the air and struck with the ribbion. Her intention had been to shatter the
pile of searock into dust, but changed her mind when she saw the body lying
on top of the pile. Normally, she would have smashed the rocks regardless
of the body, but this body deserved investigation. It was her brother, and
he seemed to be out cold.
Landing next to Kuno she gathered up her ribbion and stashed it in
some extra-dimensional anime storage facility. She looked at Kuno and
studied his face for a minute; there was something not right about him.
His face! That was it, his face showed something it usually didn't show -
complete and utter chaos mixed with terror.
Obviously, something had happened to him very unpleasant. Kodachi
desided that whatever it was, she needed to learn just what that whatever
was - she might be able to use it against him someday, if the need presented
itself. Recovering her ribbion from it's non-prime material plane cubby
hole, she started to twirl it around and around in front of her. There was
only one thing to do to wake up her unconcious brother - she grabbed onto
him with the ribbion and with practiced ease, flung him into the sea.
She waited and a second later her soaked brother broke the surface
of the sea. "Are you awake now, brother?"
He blinked and shook his head to clear the water and cobwebs from
his brain, "What? Kodachi, I should have known you would have had something
to do with this." He started to swim to shore.
She stood on top of the rocks with her ribbion still twirling while
he climbed from the sea and up the rock face. When he stood in front of
her, Kodachi noticed that he did not seem happy, so she decided to let him
speak first.
"Sister." He huffed, "Why have you done this? What have I done to
you this time, to cause you to injure me this way?!"
"What? Dunking you into the sea? It seemed like a highly effecient
way of arousing you from your coma."
"Not that! Akane and pig-tailed girl! How did you do it? Why did
you do it? I know that your cold heart has no for love me, but why did you
strike so hard against my heart?!" He screamed.
Kodachi was confused over what he was talking about, and very
annoyed that her idiot brother was taking it out on her. Obviously, her
brother thought that she had done whatever caused him to faint, but not only
that, it involved that dispised pig-tailed girl and annoying Akane Tendo.
"Brother, dear, I don't know what you are talking about. I just got
here, and found you lying about on the rocks. Whatever you saw, was not of
my doing. To begin with, you aren't worth the effort of any of my schemes.
If I want you out of the way, I'll simply remove you, like so!" With that,
she bound him up in the ribbion again and deposited on his head at the
bottom of the rock pile. She danced her way down to his side a moment
later.
"Also, if I did do such a scheme, do you think I would sink low
enough to use the help of two of my greatest enemies?! It appears to me,
brother dear, that this sun and heat has fried you brains."
Kuno looked up at his gymnist sister and studied her face and the
words she spoke. She had a point, there wasn't much that he could imagine
that would cause Kodachi to recruit the help of Akane Tendo nor the help of
his pig-tailed goddess - not against him, and not after their martial arts
gymnastics competition.
"My apologies, dear sister. I see that I am wrong," he said as he
stood up. "But if you did not set up this cruel image, then it must have
been the heat. Yes, obviously, I was struck down with an illness brought
about by the firery globe above us."
"What are you talking about?"
He turned away and struck a dramatic pose in front of the ocean.
Tears started to stream down his face. "It was horrible. My two loves,
Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed one," Kuno noticed his sister's face contort
a little at the mention of them, "were sitting upon the beach....
embracing!"
Kodachi just looked at him for a moment.
"Embrassing. As in a hug?"
"No! Worse, far worse. They...they were....." he stuttered trying
to recall the sight that had sent his world crashing, "they were kissing!"
"NANI? Brother dear, are you saying that you saw your darling Akane
and that wretched red headed upstart kissing? As if they were les...."
He cut her off, "YES! That is what I saw, or thought I saw. But I
know now it was a mere trick of the sun. Yes, it was not, could not be
real."
Kodachi looked at her brother and did say anything for a moment.
"Brother, we must get you out of this heat it has damaged you far
too much...." she faded out of her sentence and into thought, remembering
seeing the two girls earlier that day. They were having fun; running,
playing, and HOLDING HANDS?! Now it was her turn to have a brain lock.
"Kodachi...?" Kuno inquired of her and waved his hand in front of
her face. She made no notice of it.
"Bro...brother...you may not have been dreaming..."
"Nani?"
"I saw them earlier today, and they were acting as if they had not a
care in the world, and they were holding hands.... as if they were....in
love..."
They just looked at each other, neither speaking, blinking, nor
breathing. Both contemplated the meaning of it all, and neither knew how to
handle the answer.

CHAPTER 3

Akane and Ranma-chan raced across the sands towards their families and
lunch. What a day! It started as another hot and muggy Nermia day, and
ended as a wonderful experience. Ranma-chan snuck a quick peek at the girl
next to him, the one he had told he loved. She saw him and looked back at
him with a smile. What a day!
A second later Akane realised that Ranma-chan was no longer next to
her. She stopped and looked behind her. It seems that Ranma-chan had been
looking too much at Akane and not where she was going, and now Ranma-chan
was currently embedded in a wooden post sticking out of the beach.
"Idiot," was all Akane could say.

Kasumi looke up at them and smiled when they sat down on the
blankets. "You're just in time for lunch, you two."
"Wow, that looks great, Kasumi!" Akane said as she pulled a t-shirt
over her one-piece bathing suit.
"It sure does," Ranma-chan added.
"I hope you like it." Kasumi handed out food to Akane, Ranma-chan,
Nabiki, and her father. But she didn't give any to Mr. Saotome, who was
currently wearing his 'other' skin.
"Wassa matter, Pop?" Ranma-chan asked, noticing that the panda was
sitting under a parasole wearing sunglasses and looking a little green -
literally. "And why are you green tinted?"
"grrf."
"Oh, Ranma, your father isn't feeling well, he said he didn't want
anything to eat right now," Kasumi explained.
"Pop? Not eating? Ooh, he must be bad off."
The panda rolled over away from his son.
"Not really. He was wondering around the beach as panda playing
with all the little kids earlier," Spoke Nabiki, "and it seems that they
decided that a panda was the most wonderful thing they could play with. So
they ran him around a lot, fed him...a lot, then took him swimming. And,
now he has cramps."
"You dummy, Pop. Everybody knows that you don't go in the water
after you eat!"
"hrmph!" replied the ill panda.
"But, that still doesn't explain why he's green." Akane said as she
took another bite of her sandwich.
Mr. Tendo answered this one between bites of his lunch and what
should have been Mr. Saotome's. "It seems <bite> that the kids <smack,
chomp> he was playing with <slurp> decided that panda's shouldn't be out
<bite, swallow> in so much sun. <munch, munch> So, they covered him in sun
tan lotion."
The panda finally held up a sign, "Do know what that stuff does to
fur?!?!?!"
"Tuff, Pop, you brought it on your self, anything for a free meal."
Ranma-chan proceeded to finish off her lunch.
"So, children, where were you two off to today?" Mr. Tendo asked.
"Uh...." Ranma-chan went a little whiter than she started the day
with .
"Er..." Akane countered. Nabiki just watched both of them, and
noticed immediately they were going to try and hide something. After so
many times, their routine became very predictable, she thought, that's why
it was so easy to get money from both of them. She decided to help them out
a bit - she held up a small sea shell so only Akane could see it.
"We were gathering shells! Weren't we, Ranma?"
"Uh, yah! Sea shells!" They both gave a silent sigh of relief. If
their folks found out they were really in love, they would hold the wedding
right there on the beach if they could find a minister!
Akane looked at Nabiki and mouthed 'thank you'. Nabiki just smiled
and rubbed her fingers together in a money grubbing sort of way; her way of
telling Akane, "I'll bill you later."

A few minutes later, everyone was stuffed and starting to doze off.
"Saotome! Go get me a sno-cone and a diet soda!" Nabiki orderd
from behind her mirrored sunglasses.
"Huh?" Ranma-chan came out of a lunch induced coma, "NANI?! Get it
yourself. How did I end up your slave?"
"Excuse me, Ranma." She looked at him through the sunglasses at
such an angle to reflect the sun right into the red head's eyes, blinding
her. "You owe me 2000 yen, remember? You lost the bet. So I want to
spend part of that 2000 yen, so go get me some snacks."
"Hmm? Bet, what, bet?" Mr. Tendo looked up from his snooze.
"Oh, Ranma and I had a little bet, Daddy, and he lost," she said
chipperly. Then her voice dropped, "Ranma, now, go!"
"Alright, alright, alright!" The red head grumbled, got up, and
headed for the snack shack.
Akane stood up and ran to her fiance, "Wait, I'll go with you."
Soun watched them walk off and then closed his eyes and laid back in
his parasol's shade, mumbling something about there being hope after all.
"So, Nabiki, how did you get money from Ranma this time?
"Hmm? That's right, you and Mr. Saotome were hiding from Happosai
when it happened."
Tendo sat up and leared at his daughter. "We were not hiding! We
were, um....doing errands." He finished sheeply.
She ignored him. "What ever. It went like this...."

<<<<FLASHBACK>>>>

CHAPTER 4

"AAAAAHHH!!!! I can't take it any more!"
"Huh?" Akane looked up from the book she was reading - 1,001 Uses
for a Dead Martial Artist. "Was that Ranma?"
"Mmm, I think so," Nabiki replied, looking up from her book -
-- Extortion For Fun and Profit.
They heard running from the upstairs. It came down the steps. It
rounded the corner. It was Ranma, and he was running as fast as he could.
He lept out through the open back doors and ran towards the pond.

-=* KER-SPLASH *=-

Akane just sat and watched (going blink, blink, blink) very
confused. Nabiki sat with a smirk. A very content, wet Ranma-chan sat in
the pond, "aaaahhhh," she said refreshed.
"What....?" Akane asked.
"It seems, dear sister, that your fiance now owes me 2000 yen." Nabiki
had a smug little smile on her face.
"Huh?" Akane looked at her older, greedier sister.
"Ranma and I had a bet going; he couldn't change into his female
form for a week, and he just lost."
Akane looked back to Ranma still sitting in the pond. "No wonder
he's been so nervous about water lately. But what would make him go nuts
and jump in the pond like that?"
"Oh, I don't know," Nabiki sipped on her tea, "Maybe having a panda
for a father finally got to him...or maybe it was Happosai's last panty
raid...or maybe it was the fact we've had record high temperatures for the
last week and he's had to take hot baths."
They looked out at Ranma who was now out of the pool, dancing maddly
around the yard with what looked to be a goldfish tail sticking out of the
back of his (her?) blouse.
"A whole week of hot baths...in this weather?!"
"A shame he blew it, he just had tomorrow to survive. Oh, well,
guess I'll go collect my money." Nabiki stood up.
Ranma had finally gotten the fish out of her blouse and was
returning it to the pond. The fish looked extrememly happy at that
prospect.
"Hold on Nabiki, atleast give him time to enjoy his first cold bath
in a week."
She looked out at a very soggy, but emencly happy Ranma-chan. "Oh,
alright. It's not like I don't know where he lives." She sat back down,
sipped on her tea, and returned to her book.

Akane stood up and headed out the pond. Ranma was staring at the
water, breathing a sigh of relief.
"Ranma?"
He turned with a smile on his face, "Akane! I can be cool again!
Wahoo!" And with that, he lept at Akane. Nabiki reached for her camera
sensing a Kodak moment coming on.

* * *

That night, Nabiki was looking over her photos of the day. She had six
pictures in front of her.

1) Ranma leaping with joy towards Akane.
2) Ranma begining to embrace Akane.
3) Ranma hugging Akane.
4) Ranma realizing what he had just done.
5) Ranma trying to apologize to Akane.
6) Ranma having his spine shortened courtesy of Akane and her mallet.

"It's a shame I couldn't get Akane's reaction in the first three
shots," In all three, Akane had her back to the camera, "but Ranma's goofy
face makes up for that. The way Akane's standing and Ranma's acting, you'd
almost think they were happy to see each other. Now, how to turn these to a
monetary advantage...."
Nabiki pondered for a while over the photos and eventually decided
that these photos probably weren't going to make her much at the moment, so
she placed them in an envelope and stuffed them into her desk drawer and
saved them for later.

<<<<<END FLASHBACK>>>>

"So, that's how Ranma lost his money to me this time, daddy."
Nabiki waited for a response, but heard nothing from her father. She
looked over at the parasol, and found her father fast asleep.
"Yup. That's my daddy." She said, and layed back and closed her
eyes to take a snooze herself.

CHAPTER 5
Ranma-chan paid the man for the two sno-cones and handed one to
Akane.
"Here ya go."
"...um, thanks...." Akane said, a little taken back that Ranma-chan
had just bought her something. Wow, this isn't a dream - it is real, she
thought. They started to walk back across the hot sands towards their
families' current camp spot, never noticing that they were being followed.
Kuno and Kodachi were eyeing the two from behind the snack hut.
Kuno was a little nervous, he wanted an answer to his delimma, praying he
was wrong. Kodachi, however, was a little more collected. She even had a
small smile.
"There they go, brother dear. Hurry, over here." She took off on a
parallel course to the girls. Kuno followed a second later.

"Here, Ranma." Akane held the sno-cone out to Ranma-chan.
"Thanks." She took a bite and smiled at Akane. Akane smiled back.

"ARRHH! Did you see that?!" Kuno raved. "Akane just fed the
pig-tailed one! Oh, how cruel fate is! ARRRRGGHH!!" He started to pull his
hair out.
"Stop overreacting, you twit." She popped him over the head with a
gymnist club.
"That hurt."
"It was supposed to. Just because your raven haired beauty fed the
pig-tailed girl, it doesn't mean anything. People do that all the time."
He just looked at her.
"If you want proof that they are...." she couldn't bring her self to
say the 'l' word, "...you have to get something definate."
They went back to following the two girls.

"Here."
Nabiki looked up and saw a Ranma-chan shaped outline above her. The
sun-lined figure held a sno-cone towards her.
"Thank you, Ranma. You can pay the difference to me later." She
gave Ranma-chan a quick grin.
*Sigh* "That's the last time I make a bet with you." Ranma-chan
turned to set down next to Akane.
"Wanna bet?"
Akane just rolled her eyes at the comment.

Kodachi appeared from behind a battlement. She could see clearly,
the two girls sitting and talking while the rest of the Tendos and a panda
snoozed away. Kuno was sitting down next to his sister.
"Well?" he asked.
"Nothing yet."
She sat down next to her brother. They were sitting in the middle
of a huge sand castle. They had come across a few children building it and
decided that it had the perfect reconnisence position. From where they now
sat, they could spy on the pig-tailed girl and Akane with ease without being
seen.
Kodachi had 'convinced' the kids to give them the castle. It took
only a minute, and the castle was their's. The kids had run down the beach
crying. Kuno studied the castle for a minute after the conquest. It was a
fine structure, (for a sand castle) it was about a meter deep and just a
little under two meters wide, and on every corner was a pile of sand
resembling a tower. They could kneel inside it peek over the ramparts, or
they could sit and be hidden from their prey's eyes.
"Oh, what I will do to Ranma, when I find him. What he has done to
those that I love is far to evil to allow him to go unpunished." Kuno sat
with his eyes closed. He prefered to fume in the darkness of his mind - it
gave him the feeling that he was the only one talking, kind of like a
solioquy in a Shakespearian play. This way he felt as if the world was
listening to his every word and feeling his anger.
Kodachi however was not listening to her brother. He had been
raving such for the past hour, and she got bored with it after the first
five minutes. No, she was working on a plan of her own.
If IT was true, then this meant one thing. Akane and the pig-tailed
girl would not be bothering Ranma anymore, and that meant Ranma would now be
free to enjoy Kodachi's love. Yes, as odd a situation as this was begining
to look like, there did seem to be a way to turn it to her advantage. She,
too, closed her eyes and begin to plan. She never saw the small figures
approaching them.

"THERE THEY ARE! GET 'EM!"
"Huh?!" Kodachi and Kuno sputtered as they became of the world
around them. Above them stood what appeared to be every kid on the beach,
looking very angry.
"What are you talking about?" Kodachi demanded of the child, but he
ignored them.
"They're they ones who took our sand castle! Do something!" At
this a *BIG* shadow loomed over the sitting siblings from behind them. Kuno
and Kodachi turned around. There was a rather large, greenish panda
standing in front of them, and he did not look happy. It just cracked its
knuckles and growled in a low voice. The Kunos grabbed onto each other and
cowered in fear.

Kasumi looked up from the lawn chair she was lounging on and found
the sound that was bothering her. It sounded like a couple of people
screaming, but when she looked, all she could see where a bunch of children
dancing around Mr. Saotome-panda. Nabiki noticed her sister's interest.
"What is it, sis?"
"Hmm? Oh, it's just Mr. Saotome, and he's playing with the
children. I guess he's feeling better. Oh, it looks as if they buried two
people in the sand up to their necks."
"That's nice."
They both went back to their sunbathing.

Kuno and Kodachi made a vow that day - never work with animals or
small children, and especially don't make them mad! They looked at each
other and grimiced. The day really was going down hill fast. However, they
were still able to spy on the Tendos.

Akane got up and noticed that she was getting a little red.
"Hmm...maybe I should have put on some suntan lotion earlier.
Kasumi, would you oil my back?"
"Ok...." Kasumi dug out the suntan lotion and was about to cover her
younger sister's back, but Nabiki interupted.
"Hold it, Kasumi. Akane, why not have Ranma do it? He is your
finace, after all."
Ranma-chan sat up at that. "WHAT?!"

Kuno noticed something happening at the Tendo's. Everybody was now
talking and he could make a little out of what was being said. Kodachi
noticed this too, and paid attention.
"Look, you two, it's simple, you're both girls, who's going to care
if you oil Akane's back? I mean you two are...well, you know." Nabiki
grinned at her last comment. There really was no sense in saying 'engaged'
since everybody knew it, and this way it grated a little heavier on Ranma
and Akane.
Kuno and Kodachi just stared wide eyed at the last statement. Not
being very bright when it came to Ranma and Akane, they totally missed the
'engaged' implication, and made their own conclusions. Kuno's face went
white and Kodachi's eyes went a few cetimeter's wider.
"I think Nabiki's right, you two are supposed to be a couple,"
Kasumi said, handing the oil bottle to Ranma-chan.
Kuno would have done a face fault if he wasn't buried up to his
neck, but he still looked like he had just been kicked in the head. Kodachi
was just stunned.
Akane looked from Nabiki to Kasumi and then to Ranma-chan, and sighed.
"Ok. Would you mind?"
Ranma-chan looked a little dumb founded, "uh...sure." She took the
bottle and squirted a little oil into the palm of her hand. Akane scooted
over to Ranma-chan.
"Come on Kasumi, let's go take a dip." Nabiki got up and waited for
her older sister.
"Akane, don't forget to return the favor, she's starting to turn
red, also." She headed to the water with Nabiki.
"Alright, Onechan." Akane said.
When Ranma-chan finished oiling his fiance's back, she turned around
and Akane oiled her back. When they were both sucessfuly sunblocked, they
got up and went to find the Kasumi and Nabiki. The whole time the Kunos
just watched silently.

* * *

Kuno and Kodachi had been sitting in the sand for minutes after the
two girls had left. Neither sibling had moved, nor spoke since Nabiki's
earlier comment about the two being 'well, you know'; the words turning over
in their heads.

Kuno was pondering upon what he had seen and heard that day, and
slowly his little mind tried to comprehend it all, to make some sense of
everything. "All those times both of them rejected me....Ranma insulting
Akane...insulting her cooking....and then Akane insulting Ranma and bashing
in his head with her mallet....She was oiling down the pig-tailed
one....Ranma was no where to be seen...Yes, when Ranma disapeared, the
pig-tailed one APPEARED...yes, it becomes clearer..."

Kodachi's mental wheels turned at a slightly different pace,
however, "If Akane...lo..l..loves the pig-tailed one, then....that means
Ranma is not Akane's! And, if the pig-tailed one is in...love...with Akane,
then she is not after Ranma either....so...Ranma is....avaliable." A small
flicker of passion started to rise out of the depths of her cold, black
heart along with a twisted smile across her face.

Kuno's thoughts began to race as things pieced themselves together
in the depths of the cloudy area he called his brain. "Never do I see the
pig-tailed goddess when that villian Ranma is around. Yet when he
disappears, she does indeed come forth. All this time, I knew he had
something to do with that, and now I know, he must have some truely evil
hold on her. He has done something so horrible to that poor beauty, that
she cannot even bear to see him!
"I can also see that...being so abused, she must have some love
somewhere, need a love somewhere.....how ironic, it would be....Akane
Tendo....the other scorned by that louse Ranma Saotome...."

The sand around him started to rumble as if a small earthquake was
about to happen. Kodachi noticed this and looked to her brother, his eyes
were fixed upon some distant spot, and sweat beaded upon his brow. She
noticed a faint greenish color appearing around him. Then she realized it
was he that was causing the ground that encompassed them, to shake.

****WA-KA-BOOM!!!!!****

Sand flew everywhere. When the air was clear enough to see, Kodachi,
lying at the bottom of a crater, saw her brother standing valiantly at the
center of the blast. A crisp, bright green aura surrounding him.

"Sister," he did not look at her, "I have witnessed today, the
begining of the end of Ranma Saotome. It was he that caused the two that I
love to turn against me and to turn to each other. I can not accept this
situation, it is wrong. I must show these two, Akane Tendo and pig-tailed
girl, the distruction of my...no, all men's rival...Ranma Saotome. And I
will re-double...NO! I shall triple my efforts to win the hearts of those
fair damsels in distress. And with this, they shall see that, they need not
seek comfort from each other, that I, the great and noble Tatewaki Kuno,
will gladly give all my love to each of them. I so swear it!"
With that he lept from the pit and ran off with a deadly fire in his
eyes.

Kodachi stood up and climbed out of the crater, and watched her
brother run across the beach to start his plan of revenge against her
beloved. Her eyes narrowed to a slit and her voice was filled with
contempt.
"I'm sorry, brother, but I do not agree with you. I *like* the
current situation...let Akane Tendo date with the pig-tailed one, it is of
no concern of mine what they do with each other. But, this way Ranma will
be mine!
"If you are going to do what you can to end their, seemingly happy
relationship, well, I guess it will be up to me to make sure you fail, and
that they stay a happy couple."

Rose petals started to float past her as she grabbed into
netherspace and recovered her ribbion. Then with a powerful twist of her
arm she created a whirlwind of petals and lept into the air with a
resounding laugh.

------

Author's notes :

This is not a personal statement against homosexuallity - no, it is a
personal statement that given an interesting situation, Kuno and Kodachi can
become complete twits!

Kuno doesn't really have a problem with the fact that Akane and Ranma-chan
are supposedly lovers - no he has a problem with the fact that in the
current situation, he's has no place in either of their hearts! It's more of
an ego thing with him. (I figure if it was anybody else popping up as a
homosexual, Kuno probably wouldn't bat an eye at it, neither would Kodachi.)

I plan to take the chaos in Nermia to a new hight with this one...

highlights include :

Akane and Ranma-chan fighting to save their reputation without
getting into trouble
Kuno making a bigger fool of himself than he ever did before.
Kodachi *DEFENDING* Akane and Ranma-chan
and of course....Nabiki making lots of money!

All because Kuno and Kodachi are idiots.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!

Actually the whole thing started with the concept of Kuno walking on a beach
and finding Ranma and Akane exchanging vows of love just as a wave hits
them. Just what would his reaction be to that? Well, I've been working on
it for a while, and you just read the first part of it.

--==-=-=-=-=-====-==-----===-=-====-----=-==-=-=-=-=-===-=-====-=----===-===
cesn...@starbase.spd.louisville.edu
URL: http://www.spd.louisville.edu/~cesnyd01/
AlberCrombie ---- The One And Only Space Gopher

The Laws of Anime Phyiscs.....
#17 - Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability
-= Minmei is a bimbo. =-