[Ranma 1/2 fanfic] "The More Things Change" part 5

[RpM-acct2/5]

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic
Based on characters and stories by Rumiko Takahashi.
Insert any other legal jargon I forgot -here-
Insert standard "it's my first..." stuff -here-
Written by Rod M. (R...@UH.EDU)
Final version (I hope)

=========================================================================

* The More Things Change... *

=========================================================================

"The hardest thing in life to learn is
which bridge to cross and which to burn."

- anonymous

===================
PART V
A DAY AT THE MOVIES
double dates,
a lucky duck,
and the fall of
Happosai!
===================

[Early November: Friday, Sunset]

Ryo Muhoshin sat in his hotel room, flipping through a file and looking
mildly upset. He was flipping through what passed as "surveilance information"
from a popular sources known among all who had somebody to stalk. There were
various photos and notes typed on each of them. Possible allies and enemies.
Ryo needed a plan. A good plan. Something that would disturb Ryoga enough
to lower his fighting concentration
Fighting honestly was a challange. Fighting dirty was a sport.
There was a photo of a short haired girl. [Akane Tendo. Age 17.
Love interest of Ryoga Hibiki? Potential hostage. Violent tendancies.
Approach with caution]
Ah, the old kidnap the fair maiden and set a trap for our hero ploy?
Sounds good. Maybe one of the oldest tricks in the book, but still it was
a plan.
Wait a minute. There was that Jackie Chan film festival tonight. Tsk.
Looks like he'd have to put this plan off until another time.

Just out of curiosity, he flipped through the file until he reached a
name that was bothering him. "E....F...G...Go...Gosunkugi, Hikaru. Here he
is," Ryo muttered. He opened the file to find no picture and only one piece
of paper. It read:

Hikaru Gosunkugi:

Mostly Harmless.

--------

Ryoga and Ukyo were standing around the resteraunt, relaxing since it was a
slow day for business. Ryoga sat at a table, Ukyo standing nearby at the
grill.
"So who was this guy anyways? And what'd he want with you?"
Ryoga was silent.
"Hey! Ryoga! Hello?"
"I'm trying to remember, okay?"
Ryoga continued to concentrate.
"Hey! I remember!" said Ryoga. "Remember I told you about that place I
went to where I learned how to fight with my umbrella? The Unorthodox..."
"Weaponry School blah blah blah. Go on."
"There was a guy... his name was... Ryo."
"What about him?"
"Well, he was one of the best students of the Umbrella Division. Seemed to
be a bit ambitious, although the senseis always called him lazy."
"Any idea why he's out to get you?"
"Hm... no. Not really."
"That's a strange sounding school, the Unorthodox Weaponry Martial Arts
school? How'd it get started?"
"I have no idea. Maybe we'd better ask Cologne some time. Ranma always
does when he has questions."
"You knew this guy before?"
"Well, we were the best in the class, so we were constantly paired up to
spar. I thought we got along just fine, although I didn't know him that well."
Ryoga sat, thinking about the situation. What would it take to stop
Ryo from pursuing him? It was all a big misunderstanding, right? Ryoga was
sure that maybe if they talked things over the problem would be settled.
Maybe. Then again, that approach didn't exactly work for Ranma when he tried
it on Ryoga.
"Um... Ryoga, mind if I ask you a favor?"
"Hm? Yeah, sure."
"Ranma and Akane are going to see some movies. They invited me to go along
and... well..."
"You'd feel uncomfortable alone with those two, right?"
"You got it. So could you..."
"Yeah, sure. No problem. Just keep Ranma away from me."

----------------

"Akane, do you really think this is gonna work?"
"Definitely. She's gonna feel awkward about being alone with the two of us.
You know the saying 'three's a crowd', right? She's not gonna want to be stuck
alone with a couple, so she's gonna ask Ryoga to go with her. It's a sure
thing."
"Well... yeah..."
"Hey, what could go wrong?"

----------------

It was just another Friday night at the Nekohanten. Cologne was hovering
about somewhere, Shampoo was alternating between overseeing the cooking and
serving as waitress, and Mousse was contemplating his last long conversation
with Ryoga.

"What, you think Ranma beat Shampoo HONORABLY? Some big arranged fight?
Let me tell you, he beat her totally by accident, and when she was trying
to hit someone else. You tell me how HONORABLE that is, eh? Go and be a
man! Defeat her! I don't care HOW you do it. Just get her off of my
hands, okay?"

It was true then, that it didn't have to be a big formal challange. It
didn't have to be a full-fledged fight. Ranma blindsided her, and look how
much she chased after him. Where was the honor in Ranma's victory over her?
Since when did he let honor stand in the way of his quest to win Shampoo's
heart, anyways?
He looked over to Shampoo. She was checking on a pot, her back turned.
It could just be as simple as a blow to the head.
She peered into the pot, her concentration on nothing else at the moment.
A good hit and the right moment... like now.
"Mousse!"
"YAAAAAH!!!" Mousse jumped back, not noticing that Cologne had entered
the room and had been watching for a while now.
"What's wrong, boy. You're sweating badly and shaking. Go take a break."
"Y-yes... sure.."
Mousse stepped out the back door and breathed deeply. Questions bounced
in his head. {Can I do this? She's not going to be single forever. Time's
slipping away. Where's the honor in this? Who needs honor? What should
I do? Stupid amazon laws!!!!}
He sighed and re-entered the kitchen.
Shampoo was there, stirring some ramen. Cologne was gone once more.
{Just one blow} he thought.
He whipped a mallet out of his sleeve.
{Just one.}
"Shampoo?"
{One hit.}
"What you want Mousse? I busy."
{And she's mine.}

*WHAM*

------------

Ranma, Akane, Ryoga, and Ukyo were walking down the streets, on the way
to the Jackie Chan festival. Akane & Ranma walked arm in arm, casually,
while Ukyo walked on Ranma's side and Ryoga walked alongside Akane. Ryoga
and Ukyo seemed to silently but mutually agree not to appear like they were
a couple.
"Hey Ryoga," Ranma asked, "I heard some guy attacked you last week."
"Yeah. Old grudge or something like that. Ryo Muhoshin, old acqauintance."
"Really?"
"Yup."
"Well," said Ranma, looking smug, "what comes around goes around, eh?"
*WHAM*WHAM* Both Ukyo and Akane elbowed Ranma at the same time.
In stereo, they yelled, "Stop picking on Ryoga!"
"Ow..." Ranma stumbed back a bit, releasing Akane's arm.

------------

Ryo walked along the streets of Nerima, once again clad in suit, on his
way to the Jackie Chan film festival. He was looking forward to this. If
there was anybody out there that represented the Unorthodox Weaponry Martial
Arts school, it could easily be Jackie Chan. He used chairs (covered in the
Furniture Division), pottery (covered in the Decor Division) and other stuff.
Yessir, nothin' like a good Jackie Chan film.
Suddenly, something caught his attention.
Female.
Short hair.
Looks like she just hit some guy.
She's standing next to Ryoga.
A-ha. Target found.
But wait... Jacky's on.
"Damn, what a dilema." he muttered. Ryo debated the pros and cons of
doing the job now and doing the job later. It was a pefect setup. The
girl was already there and so was Ryoga. Besides, it would be a dramatic
and bold assault, would it not?
Looks like Jackie Chan will have to wait. The first two movies were
so-so anyways. The real good ones wouldn't be shown for hours.
Ryo checked his inventory. Umbrella was at the ready. Strips of cloth
that would serve as gags. A rope. Some exploding gas pellets. Hm... if he
jumped up on the rooftops and then down behind them... should do the trick.

Time to *brr* get to work.

-----------

Ryoga sensed something was wrong. As Ranma and Akane broke into one of
their typical arguments, he heard something sailing through the air. He turned
around to see Ryo Muhoshin closing his umbrella.
Ryo looked up at everyone, smiled, and simply said "Hello." Then he threw
down a handfull of small capsules and the group was suddenly surrounded by
smoke.
*cough* {Maybe I used too much...} Ryo wondered quietly. He advanced on
where Akane was standing and poked her with the tip of his umbrella on a
spot on her back. She passed out and was slung over Ryo's shoulder. Studying
a little on pressure points made abductions so much easier. Ryo couldn't help
but give off a little laugh and ran off into the night.
A strong breeze suddenly hit, and the smoke cleared. Ranma looked
around. "Hey, where's Akane?" He looked around, shouting "AKANE!"
Ryoga looked down. This was his fault, he felt. Someone comes after him
and now his friends are getting caught up in it. {How DARE he bring outsiders
into a duel! Hey, what's that on the ground?}
Ryoga pointed. "Hey, what's that on the ground?" He reached for a small
envalope left on the ground with 'to Ryoga' written on it. He opened it up and
read the message aloud.

"Mr. Hibiki. Sorry about the inconvenience, but I felt like I needed to
give you a bit more motivation for the next time we fight. If you want your
girlfriend back, meet me where we first met. Be there in 20 minutes. -Ryo"

Ryoga looked up at Ukyo. "You remember the place where we fought Ryo
last time?"
"C'mon," Ranma said, grabbing Ryoga's arm, "I'm gonna kill that guy."
Ranma thought to himself, {if he hurts her he's DEAD. Now I'm gonna miss
the start of the Jackie Chan film festival. He's REALLY dead.}

----------

Akane slowly regained conciousness. Where was she? The last she remembered
was a bunch of smoke. She moved her arms, but they were tied. She felt what
was near her hands, and it felt like a steel pole. She opened her eyes. Akane
saw that she was tied up on a streetlamp on a bridge.
Akane sighed. She really hated playing the part of the hostage. It was
so... so... insulting! And stereotypical too! Grr.... MEN!!! Akane began to
work on the ropes tying her down when her captor finally made his presence
known.
"Excuse me, but the role of the hostage is usually to just stand still while
the so-called hero comes in for a rescue attempt." The voice came from behind
her.
"LET ME GO NOW!!!"
"Hm.... no. Not yet. You I really don't intend to do anything with,
really. Don't worry about that. I _do_ intend on pounding your boyfriend to
a bloody pulp."
"He'll beat you! You'll see!"
"There you go. THAT is how a hostage is supposed to behave."
"Who are you anyways?"
"I didn't introduce myself? Ryo Muhoshin, School of Unorthodox Weaponry
Martial Arts, Umbrella Division, and soon to be of top rank, as soon as I bump
off your boyfriend." Ryo stepped into view and gave a little salute with his
umbrella. "Hope this doesn't take too long, I don't want to miss too much of
the Jackie Chan festival. Gonna miss the first hour already."

---------

Ranma angrily stomped down the street, dragging Ryoga with him and followed
by Ukyo. "Where is it?" he growled.
"Just around the corner, Ranchan."
The trio turned the corner and the bridge came into sight. They saw Ryo
casually talking with Akane, who was tied up to a lamp post and looking very
angry.
"Guys, I'll be right back."
"Hey, wait m-" Ryoga started.
"He took my fiancee and I'm gonna kill him. You can have the remains but
he's MINE!"
Neither Ryoga or Ukyo had ever seen Ranma so angry before. Ranma ran to
the bridge, focusing on his target...

--------

Akane was still engaged in conversation with Ryo. "What do you want with
Ranma anyways? I thought you were after Ryoga?"
Ryo looked confused. "Ranma? What about him?"
"Ranma, my _finacee_."
"What? But I was told Ryoga was in love with you..."
"No. Ryoga's just my friend. Ranma's my fiancee."
"Ranma?"
"YEAH, ME!" was all the warning Ryo got as he was struck from behind with
a blow that flung him to the side barriers of the bridge. As he recovered from
that blow, he heard footsteps getting closer. He turned to face his adversary.
"Wait a-"
"TENSHIN AMAGURI-KEN!" was all he heard in reply, as an insane amount of
punches landed on him. Ryo managed to block only a few of them, and then
jumped away to a safe distance and landed wobbling. He checked himself.
Bloodied nose, multiple bruises, left arm felt like a jackhammer was used on
it, and yet ANOTHER suit was ruined. No turning back now, he was gonna have to
beat up this guy, even if he wasn't Ryoga.
Ranma charged at Ryo again, but this time Ryo was ready. He held his
umbrella by the point and began to glow.
"You're mine!" Ranma yelled.
"Hey! Untie me, you idiot!" Akane yelled.
"Ryugeki-Ken!" Ryo jumped back and swung his umbrella, releasing a
boomerang-shaped blast of energy from the curved handle.
Ranma held his hands forward and yelled "Moko-Takabisha!" releasing his own
ki attack, destroying the Ryugeki-Ken and impacting with Ryo. He was knocked
off his feet and landed flat on his back.
Akane tore free from her bonds and stomped towards the fight.
"Ouch" Ryo muttered, getting up. Before he was able to stand up, Ranma
already was standing above him and grabbed him by his necktie. "ACK" was all
he could say to that.
Ranma looked at him in disbelief. "Gosunkugi?"
Ryo was already getting sick of this question. "_no_" he said.
"Whatever. Who do you think you are? Kidnapping my fiancee!"
"GEKIHOU!" Ryo yelled as he swung the glowing umbrella handle hard and fast
at Ranma's chest. Ranma blocked in time with his arm, but the impact was still
incredibly hard, and Ranma was slammed several feet into the air and against
the lamp post where Akane was tied up. Ranma got up, but he looked like he
was in pain, and his left arm was limp at his side.
"Okay," Ryo said, trying to get up, "I think what we've got here... is
a big misunderstanding. I was told the lady was Ryoga's, not yours. My
deepest apologies, really. Now if you'll excuse mee*OOF*"
Ryo didn't notice Akane zooming in on him as he got up, and she hammered
him hard with a left hook which sent him flying back again.
"Okay, that's it! Lady, you a*ACK*"
Ryo didn't notice that Ryoga was sneaking up from behind until he felt his
neck being crushed. Ryo was lifted into the air and held over the side of the
bridge, over the waters. "So," Ryoga said, angrily, "picking on my friends
now?"
"Ack" Ryo weakly offered. As discreetly as he could, Ryo swiveled his
umbrella until the tip pointed to the ground. He smiled weakly at Ryoga and
(with throat crushed) croaked "Bakusaitenketsu." As he said the word,
Ryoga's eyes widened in surprise. Then the umbrella tip touched the
concrete and the cement under Ryo and Ryoga suddenly exploded, sending them
both to the waters below.
"NOOOOOOO!!!!" Ryoga screamed. Akane was near! If she found out that he was
P-Chan, he was dead! He reached out and managed to grab some metal wiring that
stuck out of the now destroyed part of the bridge. Ryoga gently swayed back
and forth high above the waters, holding on with one hand.
"NotagainawSHI-" *SPLASH* was all Ryo had to say about the situation.
Ranma, Akane, and Ukyo ran to the side of the bridge and looked down.
Ryo was nowhere to be seen. They all looked into the waters, checking for any
signs of his escape. A shoe and a suitjacket floated in the waters. A few
frogs were at the water's edge. Some birds flew away. Bugs hovered around
the area.
"I guess he's gone," Ranma said.
"What a jerk." Ukyo grumbled.
"Looks alot like Gosunkugi, doesn't he?" Akane added.
"PULL ME UP!!!" Ryoga yelled.

-----------

Cologne had stepped out of the Nekohanted briefly to buy some ingredients at
the local market. As she was shopping, a feeling of dread washed over her.
Cologne immediately rushed home to find a strange scene.
Standing in front of the Nekohanten with a mallet in his hand was Mousse.
He was grinning like a maniac.
"Mousse! Hey boy, snap out of it! Mousse!"
Mousse wasn't responding. He was just giggling slightly and looking at the
stars. This wasn't a good sign. Could he have possibly done it? Had Mousse
finally snapped after all these years of rejection?
Cologne rushed into the kitchen to find Shampoo slowly recovering and with a
big bump on her head.
"Oh no." Cologne realized what might have happened.
"Great Grandmother, what is it?" Shampoo still looked a bit groggy.
"No. How did he do this. He must have used some trickery! I will not
allow such weaklings into our bloodline!"
"Sorry, 'Old Ghoul'," Mousse arrogantly said, swaggering into the kitchen.
He was still grinning like a maniac. "I've checked the books. I've even got
a precedent. Everything is settled."
Shampoo was still a bit groggy, and was becoming upset when she realized
that Mousse knocked her out with a mallet. "What you hit me for?!" she asked.
"Shampoo, YOU'RE MINE!!! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!"
Shampoo didn't understand, at first. Then she realized it. Mousse knocked
her out. He beat her. He was.. he was...
Shampoo took a deep breath. Then she opened her mouth.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"

---------------

[Saturday Morning]

In his hotel room, Ryo Muhoshin woke up, incredibly sore and beaten once
again. That Ranma guy had blazing speed. Pretty much embarrased Ryo badly.
The girl was tough too. Her punch felt like a sledgehammer. He criticized
himself for allowing those two to get so many hits in. Ryo still had quite a
few tricks left to unveil. Until he was fully recovered, he'd just lie in
wait.
Anyways, the Jackie Chan film festival was running for 36 hours straight,
so he could still catch maybe 20 hours worth of good 'ol martial arts action.
As he headed to the shower, he wondered why the hell these people around
here were fond of dumping their adversaries in the river. It was pretty
damn annoying. He was running out of good suits and alot of his shoes were
NOT waterproof. The suede ones were totally ruined. Maybe his sister was
right. Maybe dressing up in a suit didn't intimidate the enemy too much.
Anyways, the dry-cleaner bill was killing him.
He headed out the door, this time in ordinary black pants and white shirt.
He had plenty of these, and ruining a set would be cheaper than ruining a
good suit.
He was dressed almost _exactly_ like Gosunkugi.

--------------

Walking towards the theatre, Ryo noticed that alot of people, very
thug-like in appearance, were beginning to follow him. Then he noticed the
wall of thugs that was forming a few feet ahead of him.
He was surrounded.
{Ah. Thugfest perhaps?} Ryo wondered.
One massive person stepped up. He was incredibly muscular and was weilding
a heavy chain. In a deep voice, he said "Hey, punk, remember us?"
{Oh, the Furinkan fools.}
"I don't have time for this," Ryo replied.
"We'll MAKE time, Gosunkugi. And this time, you're NOT gonna run away."
"You're making a mistake. I'm not-"
"Get'em!" The lead thug yelled.
{Oh well, I guess I could use the practice.}

***

Ten minutes later Ryo brushed off his shirt. It got a bit of dust on it.
Behind him was a streetfull of thugs in bruised, twisted, slightly burnt, and
mostly unconscious condition.
Ryo went up to what he assumed was the chief thug, who was curretly lying
face-first in the dirt. He grabbed his hair and pulled his face up. "If I
see you again," Ryo said with narrowed eyes, "I kill you."

--------------

In the darkness of a theatre in the front row, Akane, Ranma, Ukyo, and
Ryoga sat, enjoying "Drunken Master II".
They'd gone back to the theater after the fight with Ryo, and after Ranma
stopped by Dr. Tofu's to get his arm checked. As it turned out, Ranma's arm
was badly bruised. Ukyo and Ryoga insisted in getting Ranma's head checked
as well, but he took it as an insult and demanded that they head back to the
theater before they miss anything else.
They'd been there since the day before, getting a solid 10 hours of Jackie
Chan. However, not all of them could endure the marathon straight through.
Despite her violent tendencies and martial arts skills, Akane didn't enjoy
action movies as much as the others They were enjoyable, but she wasn't
fanatical about it. She fell asleep after the 8th hour, her head resting
on Ranma's shoulder.
Ranma, on the other hand, WAS fanatical about it. He was chugging down his
fourth mega-size soda, loaded with caffeene, and was staring at the screen with
wide eyes. The only film he came close to disliking was the one Jackie made
in America in which he was partnered with some old Italian guy. "The
Protector" was the title of that little film. Watching that movie convinced
Ranma that those Americans could never ever get action movies done right. It
was talent wasted.
Ukyo was paying almost as much attention as Ranma was. She loved these
types of movies. She watched alot of them in her childhood, and it made
her feel nostalgic watching them again.
Ryoga was trying to stay awake. He didn't see movies much at all. Being
lost for roughly 70% of his life tends to put going to movie theatres somewhat
low on the list of things to do. Ryoga admitted that the action was pretty
good, the stuntwork was fabulous, and the humor was good, but he had things
weighing on his mind that made him tired. Slowly he drifted into sleep,
ever-so-slowly slumping to one side, his head falling, falling, and falling...
Ukyo's eyes suddenly widened. She felt something heavy on her right
shoulder. It was making an awful hacksaw kind of noise. She slowly turned
her head only to see Ryoga, fast asleep and snoring. She wasn't sure of what
to do. A part of her felt that the guy deserved a rest. Another part of her
thought she should slug him through the roof.
She looked over at Ranma and sighed. There they were, the cozy couple, and
there she was, with nobody. She looked at Ryoga,who was still asleep. "Stuck
with you instead" she murmered. {Yeah, stuck with Ryoga the wonder pig.}
She remembered the first time they met. She was still in extreme
crossdresser mode back then, and he thought that she was a guy. Then Ranma
showed Ryoga that she was a girl by opening Ukyo's shirt.
Idiots, both of 'em.
Ranma sensed something was up. He looked to his right to see Ryoga leaning
on Ukyo. He held back a slight laugh. Wasn't it usually the girl that leans
on the guy? That Ryoga, what a wimp.
Then a terrible buzzsaw sound errupted briefly. Ranma's smile dissapeared.
How was he supposed to enjoy the movie with that noise going on? He reached
over to shake Ryoga's head a bit.
Ukyo was stunned when she realized Ranma was putting his arm around her.
She was unsure of what to do. Yes, she still wanted him and was glad he was
putting his arm around her, but right here _with_ Akane at the same time?
Like this? Her heart was beating heavily and she wasn't sure what to do.
Ranma, reaching behind Ukyo, gave Ryoga's head a thump. In doing so,
Ranma had to lean towards Ryoga, and hence, leaned towards Ukyo, who was
staring straight ahead and blushing deep red.
Ryoga woke up to the feel of someone thumping his head, which was enough to
make him mad. He looked around to see who hit him.
Akane, leaning on Ranma, woke up since he was leaning away from her. She
blinked her eyes, yawned, and then looked at Ranma.
Ranma noticed that Akane wasn't leaning on his shoulder anymore, which meant
that she must be awake again. He also noticed that Ryoga woke up as well, and
was in an angry mood. He was getting a nagging feeling something was wrong
when he noticed that Ukyo was wide-eyed and blushing badly. That nagging
feeling became a Strong Sense Of Danger when he noticed that Ryoga was not
only looking angry, but now looking angrily at _him_. He turned slowly, that
Strong Sense Of Danger still kicking at him, and noticed that Akane was
looking right at him too, and definitely _not_ in a kind and loving way.
"What do you think you're doing?" Akane and Ryoga both said.
Comprehension finally snapped into place. Ranma sat up straight, removed
his arm from around Ukyo, looked panic-stricken, and stammered, "Um... it's...
it's not what you guys think! Really.. I uh, I mean, it was just..."
"Well?" Akane asked, looking angrier by the second.
"Well Ryoga was...."
"What about me, Saotome?" Ryoga wasn't getting any happier either.
"I mean... oh no."
*WHAM* Ranma got hammered in stereo, as Ryoga's and Akane's fists landed
solidly on opposite sides of his face.
"Ow! Will you just let me explain!"

------------

Ryo sat quietly in the balcony. For the most part he was enjoying himself.
He arrived just in time to catch Drunken Master II, and Twin Dragons was next
on the list. Life was good.
Well, almost. There was a bunch of idiots in the bottom front row making
all sorts of racket. He thought about ki-blasting them into silence, but
changed his mind. Today was a day for _rest_. Ryo sat back and smiled.

-----------

Everybody in the theatre was enjoying themselves. They didn't notice
something lurking, cruising through the rows.
Along the balcony, chaos was slowly spreading. A girl jumped up, startled,
and then slapped the guy next to her. Other girls suddenly felt a little
colder than usual, and were startled to discover that their undergarments
had mysteriously vanished. One girl, sitting in the front row of the balcony,
was checking in her purse when she suddenly felt a light squeeze on her chest.
She looked up angrily, saw that the man sitting a seat away from her seemed
to be enjoying the movie too much (he was sitting back and smiling) and gave
that man a solid slap in the face. "Pervert!" She yelled.

----------

"OW!"
Ryo didn't know what brought that about. Damn crazy lady. Just slapping
him like that for no reason!
Then he heard the voice.
It cackled.
He heard that cackle before.
He listened carefully.
"What a haul!"
Ryo grabbed his umbrella, stood up, and looked for his prey.
"A-ha."

-----------

Ranma had finally diffused the situation, explaining everything. Akane went
back to leaning on his shoulder and fell asleep again, but this time with a
somewhat angry look on her face. Ukyo was still staring straight ahead at the
screen. Ryoga went back to watching the movie, but was slowly falling asleep
too.
Suddenly, there was the sounds of panic coming from the balcony seats.
Ranma looked up to see what was causing a commotion in the balcony when he
heard a yell of "GEKIHOU!" which was followed by a solid *BOOM* from the
balcony. From the center of a flash of light a little two-foot tall figure
rocketed through the air and hit the theatre screen with a *thwap*.
"Aw great, it's him."
Happosai, embedded within the screen, looked at his attacker and his eyes
began to glow red. "You again.... how DARE you interfere with me!"
Ranma blinked. Usually that type of dialogue was reserved for use on him.
Apparently, someone else had incurred Happy's wrath.
"MUHOSHIN, DIEEEE!" Happosai yelled. Suddenly, a ghostly snake-like red
blast shot out towards someone in the balcony.
Ranma felt sorry for whoever Happosai was mad at. When the little pervert
was really ticked off he was nearly unbeatable. Ranma would normally not mind
helping beat up the little pervert, but just for today, he was out with his
wife and friends, and just wanted to enjoy himself. Akane stirred, yawning.
She turned to Ranma. "Sorry I fell asleep again. Did I miss anything?"
"Nothing much."
Meanwhile, Happosai peeled himself off of the screen and rocketed towards
the balcony.

-------------

Ryo was running for the doors. Whatever the hell that... that.. THING was
that the old wretch shot forth scared the hell out of him. He could swear that
he saw the image of the old man's face on it. Ryo knew trouble when he saw it
and so he made a strategic retreat, with the "thing" close behind. "Gonna make
it, gonna make it, gonna make it, gonn*ACK*" **BOOM** Ryo was flung out the
door, through the wall, and out into the sidewalk.
Outside, people were staring at the young man that had just crashed through
the building and landed on the cement. Among the noise of the crowd people
were yelling "hey, I think he's dead!", "somebody call an ambulance", and
"damn martial artists."
Finally he stirred.
"OOOUCH!!" he yelled. Ryo got up wearily, feeling not too well at all,
and stumbled back towards his hotel in a daze. "Gonna kill Ryoga and just get
the hell outta town. This place is bad for my health. ACK!"
This new ACK was caused by a gymnastic ribbon, which suddenly wrapped itself
around his neck. Ryo tried to undo the ribbon and breathe. Then he heard it.
The most infamous laugh in Nerima.
"Oh-hohohohoho! What was that you were saying? You, threatening my Ryoga
darling? I think not." Ryo was looking up at a rather familiar looking girl.
{Wait a minte,} he thougth to himself, {she was in the file... whazzername,
Kodachi Kuno. Wow, looks better in real life. But her and Ryoga?}
"Hey," Ryo croaked, Kodachi's ribbon still wound around his neck, "I thought
you were after some guy named Ranma?"
Kodachi turned away, striking a dramatic pose, which allowed Ryo to loosen
the ribbon. "Oh, but I do love Ranma. But also Ryouga. What's a girl to do?
I shall have them both!" She turned dramatically towards her prey only to see
empty space. Ryo was already running down the street at top speed.
He though she was sexy, but didn't have the time to ask for a date since
his instinct told him that danger was still nearby.
Ryo looked behind him to see if anyone was in pursuit. It looked like
Kodachi wasn't going to bother chasing him. That was good. Kind of. Then
Happosai popped out of the Ryo-made hole in the theater building. That was
bad. "I'm not finished yet, you little punk!" Happosai yelled.
Ryo ran through alleys and around corners furiously. He wasn't sure he
could handle the troll from hell yet.
"Little punk, he says. This, from the pint-sized pervert. Right."
"Who's a pervert?" Happosai asked, suddenly next to him.
"Uh-oh."
"Here, junior, hold this."
Ryo looked at what Happosai was holding out. It was a bomb. Immediately,
he did the patented Martial Artist Super Jump (tm) away from Happosai, escaping
from the explosion. "You die _now_. Twin Dragons is showing in an hour." He
twirled his umbrella, which began to glow at it's curved handle.
Happosai's eyes turned red again and he suddenly seemed to become gigantic,
maybe seven feet in height. He charged at Ryo.
Ryo once again leapt into the air, this time charging at Happosai, with his
umbrella still twirling. At the peak of his jump, Ryo yelled "GouRygeki-Ken!"
and dozens of boomerang shaped energy projectiles flew out in Happosai's
general direction while others flew off-target severely. Trees were blasted,
windows shattered, lamp posts destroyed, and a park bench was flung twenty
feet before crashing into a wall, where it sprouted arms, legs, and the head of
a blond girl and ran off. Happosai was trying to stand his ground, but the
impact of dozens of blasts drove him to his knees and forced him into his
normal tiny self.
"How ironic," Ryo said, noticing (while still in the air (yes, he was still
in the air. After all, it was a Martial Artist Super Jump (TM))) where the
chase had ended up bringing him. He was back by the bridge again.
Ryo landed in front of the dazed pervert and poked him at a certain pressure
point which severely dazed the already weakened Happosai. Ryo started
pounding on Happosai violently with ki-charged hatchet swings from his
umbrella which buried Happosai deeper into the pavement with each hit.
"Now old man, you die." Ryo grinned evily. He held Happosai down by
stomping on the old man's body with his foot. Then he held the umbrella by the
handle this time, aimed the pointed end at Happosai's head, and yelled
"BAKUSAI-TEN-KETSU!" jabbing the old man's skull.
"Ouch!" Happosai yelled.
"Eh?" Ryo blinked. This didn't seem right. From what he'd managed to
observe during his brief spying of the Chinese Amazon tribes, that should've
worked. It worked great on buildings and boulders, why not on mini-trolls?
The old man's skull should be splattered all over the pavement, shouldn't it?
He gave it one more try.
"BAKUSAI-TEN-KETSU!"
"OUCH!"
Ah, to hell with it. Time to stick with what was reliable. He held the
tip, holding the umbrella like a golf club, reared back with the handle
beginning to glow, and closed his eyes. The wooden handle glowed brighter,
until it was almost blinding.
Happosai finally regained some control of his motor skills and tried to
squirm out from under Ryo's foot.
Ryo opened his eyes and yelled "GEKIHOU!" slamming Happosai across town and
leaving a big rip in the pavement.
"I AM VICTORIOUS!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!" he yelled triumphantly, just before
the bomb that Happosai left behind exploded, flinging him high into the air
and once again into the river.

------------

Mousse was sitting idly on the roof, happy almost to the point of insanity.
This was indeed a good day. There were signs of good tiding everywhere. The
sun shone, the birds were chirping, a gentle breeze was blowing, and he just
saw Happosai flying across the sky.
Inside the Nekohanted, Cologne was digging through the ancient laws of the
Amazons to find a way to cancel the marrige. Shampoo had reacted as badly as
she thought she would. Now, what to do.... a-ha. Here's something.
Cologne hopped unto the roof, slightly dampening Mousse's good mood. "What
do you want, you old mummy?" Mousse asked.
"I have combed through the laws of our people and I have come to say you are
indeed a rightfull groom to Shampoo."
"I am _the_ rightfull groom to Shampoo."
"You... you _and_ Ryoga."
"Oh." He'd forgotten about that. Hm... he forgot what happens when two
people are engaged to the same woman.
"You must defeat Ryoga before you can marry Shampoo. That isn't a problem,
is it?"
"Of course not!" Mousse was sure that he could work something out with
Ryoga. After all, he certainly didn't want to be engaged to Shampoo.
Cologne still wasn't sure how she would be able to use this to her
advantage, but she was sure she'd think of something before their duel.

----------

Happosai slammed into the pavement. Hard. The impact made a small crater.
He slowly crawled out of it, pervert-power dragging him on. "massive...
internal bleeding... broken bones... loosing consciousness... must... have...
pantieeeeeeeees..." he wheezed.
Suddenly, a bikini-clad green-haired girl _flew_ by. She had horns.
Happosai thought he was finally going into shock. She flew around, looking
about, and then flew _to_ him. Happosai smiled. He guessed she'd never heard
of the infamous Happosai before.
"Excuse me," she asked, "have you seen my Ataru around here?"
"Ataru? Why I'M Ataru! C'mere, sweetums!" Amazingly, despite his massive
internal injuries, he managed to leap up and glomped unto her chest. Happosai
enjoyed himself as only a pervert of his status could.
"AAAAH! PERVERT!" She yelled, suddenly crackling with energy. She grabbed
Happosai by the skull and pumped in ungodly amounts of electricity, frying off
all his hair and killing off a few brain cells as well. He finally lost his
grip and dropped to the floor, charred and sizzling.
Happosai struggled to get up, but fell on his back. He groaned, tried
to get up once more, and then fell into unconsciousness.

--------

[_Much_ Later]

Ryoga wandered the resteraunt, looking for the stairs to the attic. He was
worn out from watching mass quantities of theatrical martial arts. It was
amazing, he thought, how the roof of a building could shift itself in space
and time. As he walked by the main room, he heard a sniffle, and then several
more of them. He followed the sound to the window table, where Ukyo sat with
a glass of water, looking depressed. He went to her.
"Hey," he said, putting a hand on her shoulder.
"YAAAAAAAH!" Ukyo whirled around and slammed Ryoga with her spatula.
"Ow!"
"Oh, Ryoga! Sorry!" She helped Ryoga back to his feet and then sat back
down. "Don't scare me like that, stupid."
"Sorry. You okay?" Ryoga asked.
"Hm. No. Not really. I guess what happened with Ranma back at the
theater... I mean..."
"Oh." said Ryoga. He wasn't good at this comforting-a-hurt-friend
conversational kind of thing.
"I thought... I thought that I was over it."
"Need one?" Ryoga asked, offering a bandanna.
"Thanks." Ukyo said quietly. She blew her nose into it.
"I... I know how you feel. It isn't easy. Well, get some sleep, okay?
Good night." Ryoga said, patting her on the back. Then he went off once more
in his quest for the spacially displaced attic.
"Good night, Ryoga." said Ukyo.

- end part 5 -