[Ranma][Fanfic] Christmas Cake
MetroAnime
Christmas Cake- a Bet entry outside the normal
framing device. (semi-dark)
char by R.Takahashi, plotline by Greggsharp
email: metro...@aol.com
web: http://members.aol.com/greggsharp/index.html
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Excerpt from Pacific Century Club, Spring edition 2001
Nabiki Tendo, age:26
Nontraditional Japanese woman seeking marriage and
to live in the States. Only serious respondents, please.
Some martial arts training acceptable but no dedicated
masters or major hentai.
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June 10, 2001
Dear Sir,
Okay, this is a form letter. I got forty five responses,
which is rather more than I expected. What, there's no
women over there? I was rather surprised to see this
sort of response, to say the least.
First, a little further introduction. Like it says at the
bottom, my name is Nabiki Tendo. I'm a 26 year old
OL who has been pretty much stuck in that position
for the past five years. I've heard that in America,
there are complaints about a glass ceiling. Here in
Japan, it might as well be diamond for all the effect
my scratching away at it has done. The final blow
was yet another of my male trainees, whom I had
described as a blithering incompetent, being
promoted over me.
My actual job description is assistant supplies
manager. Misleading, isn't it? Anyway, that's
been my life since I left college with my much
vaunted Business Admin degree.
Second, let me make myself clear. I am in this not
only to find someone, but to get a crack at the
comparitively open markets in America. If you
can't deal with a wife who pulls in more money
than you do, this is the time to pull out. As my
little intro running in "Cherry Blossoms" and
"Pacific Century" states, I am not a traditional
submissive domestic Japanese woman. Not
that the image hasn't always been mainly hype,
or that you can really find one. I will NOT be
a stay-at-home housewife, I can't cook, and
I have no idea what "Magical Girl Mitsuko"
(referenced in at least four of these letters) is.
If you deceive me and waste my time, it will
become obvious soon enough, and trust me
that I can make your life a living hell.
Sincerely,
Nabiki Tendo
3-4-17 Takahashi
Ota-ku, Tokyo 142-0034, JAPAN
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Sept. 23, 2001
Dear Richard,
Well, congratulations, you made the first cut.
Oddly enough, my first letter cut down the
amount of respondents to a bare trickle. From
forty-five to three in one exchange. I'm letting
you know about the others because I want no
pretenses or misconceptions here.
Nice photo, by the way. There is one thing
about it that really drew me. You are smiling,
but the smile isn't reaching your eyes. There
is a sad look to you, as if you've been through
a lot of hardship in your life, and it has left a
few scars. Trust me, I know the feeling very
well indeed.
I'm not living with family now. The situation
is a bit complicated, and I hope to get to that
in a later letter. Instead, I'm in an apartment
complex of one room flats in Ota-ku. It's a run
down little place with some weird neighbors.
I'm in apartment ten, isn't that bizarre? But I've
gotten used to bizarre, though I haven't seen
too much weirdness since I left home.
Anyway, I've got to cut this short. Time is
money, and I'm having to pull in a part time
job in addition to full timing. Matsuhiro, the
incompetent dweeb who was promoted over
me, seems set on making my life miserable,
and I need to pull in extra money in case I'm
fired from my main job.
Sincerely,
Nabiki Tendo
3-4-17 Takahashi
Ota-ku, Tokyo 142-0034, JAPAN
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October 11, 2001
Dear Richard,
Yeah, I guess the references to my family life
would spark some curiosity. I can't tell you
the whole story, though, suffice to say it gets
more bizarre than you can imagine. Sometimes,
oddly enough, I miss that weirdness - it was
never boring and I can usually sit uninvolved
on the sidelines.
My father is a traditionalist martial artist, who
took the death of my mother particularly hard.
He's an emotional rollercoaster ride with little
sensibility to him.
My eldest sister is often described as "not
entirely there" - though she was. The airheaded
guise is just her way of coping. When Ranma,
more on him later, showed up she was only
minimally like that. The stress of dealing with
the increased weirdness he brought made her
retreat further and further into that shell. The
final blow came when her "love interest" -a
Doctor Tofu Ono, lost it in her presence one
too many times. A new patient, one that didn't
yet know about Tofu's strange inability to
handle being near Kasumi, was killed when
the good doctor found a pressure point that
was used by assassins.
Kasumi is not well, nowadays. She is getting
better, and isn't drinking nearly as much. She's
here, by the way. There can only be one mistress
of the house, and little sister is the one who got
the ancestral home.
Akane is my youngest sister, and the only one
to marry. She inherited the dojo, the house, and
what little inheritance our pitiful father could pass
on. She also gets something from her late husband's
estate, which helps her manage. She has her hands
full with little Ranko anyway, and teaching classes
in the Anything Goes martial arts style, which is a
school of freeform Kempo.
As for Ranma Saotome, half the stories I could tell
you, you wouldn't believe anyway. Hell, I lived
through it and I have a hard time believing it. He
was an egotistical, self-centered, immature, easily
conned, and vain young man. He was also
generally honorable, someone who could remain
largely unfazed by whatever life threw at him,
and capable of learning almost anything if it had
martial arts attached to it. I miss him.
Anyway, that pretty much sums up the family
situation. Kasumi works at a quick-mart now that
she doesn't raid the liquor cabinet. Funny thing,
is that when our mother passed away, she took
over the "mommy job" and now I've taken on a
similar role for her.
Would it surprise you that this correspondence
thing was Kasumi's idea? She started in on it when
she was going through detox. She's met some guy
named Scott through it, and they're getting along
fairly well. I think it is actually helping, since I just
haven't had a lot of experience as the nurturing
type. Business has always been my focus, until I
found myself trapped in the OL. Only thing I can
say about _that_ is that it is still better than being
in middle management.
Gotta go to work. Good luck with your dentist visit.
Sincerely,
Nabiki Tendo
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Nov. 21, 2001
Dear Richard,
Well, Kasumi's gone to a face-to-face meeting with
Scott. Just a week long vacation, but we've all got
our fingers crossed.
Well, except for daddy. He doesn't want any of us
to move any further away. If he was a little unstable
after mother's death, then the death of his son-in-law
pushed him completely over the edge. Martial artists
are _supposed_ to have good discipline. To get
away and try again in a new environment is part of
Kasumi's dream. This correspondence relationship
has so far been great for her. She's not drinking
anymore, lost the extra poundage she put on when
she was "on the skids" and stopped all that awful
smoking. She used to be a good cook, but if it all
smells and tastes like ashes...
So screw what daddy wants. There have been
lives ruined enough by him and his demands and
wishes. Parenting is one of those jobs that has
damn little training, but one where a screwup can
destroy people's chance for happiness way too
damn easily.
I saw Akane (youngest sister, remember) and Ranko
the other day. Little girl is growing like a weed, hard
to believe she's only six years old. They were planning
to name the little girl Kimiko until Ranma passed on.
Glad everything is going well in your area. I must
confess I don't understand a lot of the technical terms
you use, but then it isn't my area of expertise.
Oh, and my second job, is an aerobics instructor
assistant. Efficient, isn't it? I get extra money, plus
I can exercise during that time.
That trip to China sounds interesting. If you have
a stopover in Japan, be sure to let me know.
All for now. Ja ne!
Sincerely,
Nabiki Tendo
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December 24, 2001
Dear Richard,
Well, I warned you when we met at the
airport about Chinese curses, didn't I? At least it isn't
a Jusenkyo curse, those are triggered by water. You
only have to worry about the full moon, which at
least has the benefit of being predictable.
I'm glad I mentioned Chinese curses, though,
as your little mishap provided some much needed humor
in my day.
The pictures of your other form, by the way,
are quite amusing. Brings back memories.
I'm still writing Andrew and Brian, but like your
relationship with the Chinese girl, I'm just keeping my
options open for the moment. May one assume that you
have now crossed her off your list? Staring at a Chinese
actress gets you a cursed to turn into her during
the full moon? Even Akane at her worst was never THAT
jealous/vengeful. We didn't have to deal with Chinese
sorceresses back when Ranma was around, though a few
of his opponents came close.
As soon as I figure out some sizes, I'll send you
some clothing. I understand guys are very reluctant to do this
sort of thing, and at least you won't unexpectedly transform
unless you ignore the calendar. It'll amuse me to no end.
Now that you're familiar with curses, I can tell you
about Ranma. He transformed to a girl when splashed with
cold water, had a bunch of nonsense drilled into his head
about being a "man among men", and a mother who was ready
to cut his head off for not being manly enough. Compared to
his problems, you've got it easy.
The thing that makes it really funny (to me at least),
is that your cursed form resembles someone I used to know: a
delivery girl for a local ramen place. Except for your hair being
black, and styled different, that is.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to Xian Pu. She
went back to her homeland after Ranma died. She was trying to
marry Ranma up until Ranma married Akane, then trying to get
Ranma and Akane both to marry her (so long as she got Ranma,
though I know she didn't like little sister at all, or sharing.)
Well, got to go to my second job, enjoy the photo.
Sincerely,
Nabiki Tendo
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Feb.21, 2002
Dear Richard,
Sorry to hear about the latest problems that
have struck you, due to the curse. I've included my
business card, call me when you need to talk sometime.
I wonder how many of Ranma's problems he could have
overcome if _he_ had had someone to talk to. "We can't
unmake the mistakes of the past, only learn and grow
from them." I forget who originally said that.
Work is fine, Matsuhiro has levelled off some.
He feels he has shown me who's the boss, and now his
pride assuaged, has reverted to being the incompetent
dweeb I trained months ago. He's just no longer a hostile
incompetent dweeb. I really hate my job.
The two jobs, of course, is why I've just
sent a couple of scribbled postcards your way in the
meantime. Exhausting!
It's coming up to the Sakura Festival, and all
the little cherry blossom watching parties are being
scheduled. Just what I need to see, a whole lot of OL
and middle management types falling down drunk.
Sometimes, sitting back and watching the festivities
can be rewarding, but is mainly just boring. The one
surprise from last year was watching the shy little
flower (Yuki from Accounting) get thoroughly
smashed and doing a table dance in the park. She's
SO shy that if I showed her the pictures she'd
probably die of shame that very second. You never
know, eh?
Glad you enjoyed the chocolate. I just
happened to have some lying around going to waste.
No big deal. Not like I eat it, and Kasumi's abstaining
as she tries to lose an extra few pounds. Ah, to be
in love now that the cherry blossoms are (almost) here.
Glad she's found someone, as it means I won't have
to shepherd her all her life.
As for the tape, I appreciate it. Financial
news, breaking developments in industry, it stirs the
blood! Now if I could just get my hands on some of
it. So frustrating with all the regulations and restrictions
on the Japanese marketplace. There are times when I'm
tempted to go find that 'Spring Of Drowned Man' and
take a dip, just to overcome the sexism. But then I think
about how crazy Ranma's life got and I wonder how
much of that might have been caused by his curse.
Akane's doing well, so is Ranko. Yes, it _is_
difficult to be a single parent in Japan. She does get
help from her grandparents on Ranma's side, and my
father is occasionally functional enough to be of some
assistance.
In case you're wondering about the extra
tracks on the paper, I'm writing this on the bus. When
I was younger, the buses were immaculate, on time,
and operated smoothly. Now the smog level leaves
grit more often than not, the drivers are working
longer and longer shifts, and maintenence is a lot
more infrequent. There's also the unthinkable in "safe"
Japan, rowdy youths, punks, and gangbangers. I hope
I got the terms right. There are no Japanese equivelants,
as it is a Japanese tradition to ignore unpleasant truths-
unless it is someone else's unpleasant truth. Instead
we typically employ foreign words, as if that will make
it a foreign problem.
It is _not_ the Japan of my relatively
optimistic youth, but I have always been the sort who
has wanted to see clearly what is going on. Sometimes
the truth hurts.
All for now,
Nabiki Tendo.
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Mar. 9, 2002
Dear Richard,
First, the good news.
Ahem. You are cordially invited, etc, etc. The
invitation is being sent seperately. I _do_ request that
you be there. Kasumi, _finally_, getting married. Though
Father had a kitten fit at HIS daughter marrying a gaijin.
I'll tell you, that proclamation was enough
to stop conversations cold when he made it. I was
meeting him at Ucchan's, a little eatery run by an old...
acquaintance. He started off about what a blotch
this was on his family honor, and how one daughter
killed her husband (not true) and another was now
abandoning family and honor.
I slapped him. HARD. And to think I
called Ranma an idiot. Ranko started wailing, as
apparently that rumor had gone around school,
and here was her grandfather confirming it. No,
he was just repeating something that got into that
empty head of his. Ranma was protecting Akane
when he made his final sacrifice and was killed
during a martial arts grudge match. Pure luck
ended the fight, I have this from reliable sources.
An attack that Ranma could have deflected or
avoided was fumbled badly and was heading for
Akane who had refused to stay back out of harm's
way. Ranma shoved Akane out of the way, but
didn't have time to do the same himself.
To say that, not only in front of Ranma's
daughter, but the mother of that child, who still
blames herself at least a little for not getting to a
safer position. Well, I'm still Akane's sister, but
the hell if I'll acknowledge that man as my father.
Ukyou threw him out a few moments later, mainly
when she got over _her_ shock.
Sorry, I'm still so ticked about all this
that I'm shaking when I think about it. I'll write
again when I've calmed down.
Sincerely,
Nabiki Tendo
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June 4, 2002
Richard-chan,
THAT was exactly the sort of gift
I most appreciate, and I thank you dearly for
it. With everything going on, I could hardly
envisage a time when I more needed a pick-me-up.
First, Ukyou is Ukyou Kuonji. I wouldn't
quite call her a "friend" so much as a former
business associate. She was one of Ranma's fiancees.
She took the wedding hard. Really hard. Spent some
time getting psychological counseling after a suicide
attempt. Was still doing that when Ranma died. She's
better now, certainly has more sanity than my father.
Somehow, though, her okonomiyaki just don't taste
as good when she still had that spark when Ranma
was around. One of her shrinks took a look around
the neighborhood and said they ought to just put
the walls up here. Konatsu, Ukyou's employee, has
also been getting some much needed help.
Kasumi, dear older sister, who was a
prim-and-proper Japanese housewife for so
long, will be getting married next month _in
America_. Who'd have thought? She's looking
more alive than she has in years, and remnants
of the old pre-collapse Kasumi keep popping up.
She knocked over a vase yesterday,
and said "Ara~". No cussing, no scowling, no
weeping, just the equivelant of "oh dear" and
calmly sweeping up the pieces. _I_ almost
broke into tears on seeing that.
Big sister is leaving, but she's also
back. Thank all the kami.
Oh, and as for the white wrapping
on the gift. Nice try, but you got my size wrong.
I'm just glad Happosai isn't around anymore.
Besides, the gift itself was perfect. I can't wait
to try it out.
How did you know that diamonds are
one of my favorite colors?
Nabiki Tendo
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Aug 19, 2002
Dear Richard,
Damn but that was a nice ceremony.
Kasumi and her husband Scott, despite their
differences, looked good together. For a minute
there I could almost see the Kasumi that was
the nineteen year old saint.
It was a pity that it was a night with
a full moon. I'd mentioned to Kasumi about your
curse, so it wasn't the surprise over your sudden
transformation which caused her reaction. It was
your resemblence to Xian Pu, actually. Good
thing the ceremony was already over, as you
could probably tell. It is a pity that language
also changes with your curse, as my little
Chinese-Japanese and Japanese-English
dictionaries were not nearly up to the task.
I hope they got all the cake out
of that wedding dress, I bet it cost quite a bit.
Well, the disaster she had with Doctor
Tofu, and the nearly disastrous courtship of
Akane & Ranma taught both of us the lesson of
making sure of our feelings, then taking charge
ourselves rather than wait for the male to take
the traditional role of pursuer.
That's why Kasumi proposed to Scott,
never mind the perceptions locally about "yellow
cabs" and the stereotypes about "green card
hungry foreigners" over there. Too many things
can go wrong if you wait too long.
As for me, well... Brian in Florida stopped
writing me about four months ago. Andrew, on the
other hand, is getting married to some Filipina girl.
I wish him luck.
Guess it's down to thee and me.
Nabiki Tendo
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We interrupt this fic to bring you a LIME WARNING.
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November 12, 2002
Ri-chan,
Last week was...interesting, to say the
least. Hmmm, mind you, I'll never look at smores
the same way ever again. Or whipped cream. Or
a ride in an elevator. The strawberry was a bit
much. Oh, waitaminute, that was MY idea.
I never expected you to propose in
that manner, either. It's not like my mind was
anywhere near clear at that point. I guess all
the loneliness and hopelessness of my life here
in Tokyo just overwhelmed me for a moment
when I agreed to it.
Anyway, I've got the tickets, have
notified Akane, Ukyou, and Kuno. Don't knock
Kuno, he's a lot better than he used to be. He's
even courting Akane in a far more sensible
manner than he used to. Who knows, with his
newfound sanity, he might actually succeed in
that endeavor.
Kodachi, now there was someone I
never expected to see. A pale shadow of her
former self, but much more sensible. I hear she's
almost off medication now and is pursuing a
degree in Chemistry.
As for my job. I considered telling
that flake Matsuhiro to go stuff it. I didn't have
to. Yuki, the sweet, shy, demure little doll, was
groped by him the other day. Not only does it
turn out that this fragile flower practices Tiger
Claw style kung fu, but she learned it and became
"shy" because she was raped years ago.
They think Matsuhiro will recover,
after all, Yuki realized what she had done and
got some ice really quickly. He may have trouble
using the toilet stalls for awhile, but the trauma
teams got there before the rupture was too
complicated.
Yuki has decided not to press charges.
Matsuhiro had been doing things like that and
worse, but the Japanese virtues of silence and
stoicism had helped him, and now Yuki is sort of
a hero in her department.
Funny thing, nobody asks her to go
get coffee anymore.
See you in two weeks,
Nabiki!
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note: christmas cake refers to an old Japanese
saying applying to the unmarried and to the
actual food: nobody wants you after the 25th.