[Ranma][FanFic] Girl Days - Part Six

[Rob]

Girl Days

A Ranma 1/2 fanfiction

By Robert Haynie

(Gomen, I can't think of a good disclaimer joke-- hey, that's one
right there!)

Part Six: Life's a Beach

####

"Slacks!"

Ranma and Akane were returning from a short trip to the market,
where Kasumi had sent them to pick up a few items for a planned trip
to the beach tomorrow. Akane stalked along the sidewalk, glowering,
while Ranma fairly danced along the top of the fence.

"I love slacks!" the red-headed girl chortled. And right now she
did-- simple green slacks and a yellow blouse that allowed her to do
something she'd missed for a while--

Fencewalking without having to worry about one of the myriad
hormone-driven boys in the neighborhood trying to sneak a peek up her
skirt at her panties. Not that that mattered THAT much to Ranma--
who was still developing what her mother referred to as a proper
sense of feminine modesty-- but since Nodoka HAD said that was
important, then so be it.

"Show-off," growled Akane.

"Aw, you should try it sometime, Akane! It's fun and it's great
balance practice! As your new sensei, I'd recommend it."

"Not in this sundress, thank you," retorted the reluctant
fiancee. "Unlike SOME girls I understand a proper sense--"

"Of Feminine Modesty, yeah, I know, I KNOW. So, next week, we're
getting you into one of your overalls or something and starting you
on balance practice."

Akane acked. She knew Ranma meant exactly what she said. Ranma
was taking the sensei thing very seriously, to her surprise (and
frequent discomfort). She even required Akane to refer to her as
sensei during formal training.

And, to the surprise of most, Ranma was actually pretty good at
it. Using a mix of methods she'd picked up from various teachers
along her long training journey with Genma (and avoiding most of his,
to be sure) Akane was slowly but steadily improving in her regular
spars with Ranma.

"Well, that's... that's next week, right? We're spending the
weekend at the beach first."

"Yep! I know! Cool water and I don't have to worry about it!
It's almost making this Girl Days stuff worth it!"

Two weeks. Had it been that long since the Girl Days project had
begun? Since Nodoka Saotome had decided that her son was both man
and woman, and thus needed training in her feminine aspect? Even if
it was only in how to be a proper tomboy?

Yes. And Nodoka had been pleased at her 'daughters' progress.
She was learning how to be, if not a lady, at least ladylike when it
was needed. She was becoming more comfortable with feminine attire.
She wasn't despising her body anymore-- she just didn't like it a
lot.

Also, her fears of actually "becoming a girl" seemed unfounded.
True, she did seem to feel somewhat different-- nothing she could
actually put in words-- but she certainly didn't find herself reading
shojo manga or mooning after cute boys. She was still Ranma.

She was looking forward to the trip, too. Sun and fun and
ice-cream on the beach and the watermelon game and especially no
weirdos! She could just pretend that she was an ordinary girl, relax
for once, and tease the panda. (Genma was highly annoyed that Nodoka
and Cologne refused to allow him the use of Ranma's supply of
waterproof beauty soap.) It was going to be simple, ordinary fun!

What could go wrong?

####

There's this theory called syncronicity. Something, the writer
believes, that Carl Jung thought up. Basically, it's the idea that
really really weird coincidences aren't exactly coincidental. Yeah,
that sounds weird, but that's how it goes.

Much of Ranma's life was positively ruled by synchronicity.

For example, a certain okonomiyaki chef discovered that her grill
was malfunctioning, and that it would not be fixed until Monday. Oh,
well... she'd not had a free weekend in a while. Surely she could
find something to do...

Hmm... the beach looked good.

Cologne, the matriarch of the Amazons, and restaurateur, was for
once very pleased with Shampoo and even Mousse for their surprisingly
good efforts to keep the Nekohanten from being decimated a few days
ago when, for reasons she doubted she would ever fully understand, a
raging Kuno had chased a terrified Tsubasa into the restaurant,
screaming some incoherent nonsense about shapeshifting demons and
accusing the crossdresser of being -- apparently-- either a washing
machine or a Saotome.

Fortunately, Mousse had been wearing his glasses for once, and so
failed to mistake Tsubasa for Shampoo, instead managing to get the
two combatants-- well, one combatant and one wildly dodging victim--
out of the restaurant with a minimum of damage while Shampoo defended
the furniture and crockery. (Why not declare a company picnic at the
beach as a reward,) thought Cologne, breaking out the waterproof soap
and deciding that even Amazons needed a break now and then.

Kodachi was gloating over a new swimsuit. It would enhance her
already amazing beauty to an infinite degree, she decided, and
certainly that would finally win the heart-- or at least some organ--
of her beloved Ranma-sama... when he returned. But such a thing
should be road-tested, she decided, so a trip to the beach was in
order.

Hmm... her brother was acting even more erratically than usual,
come to think of it. Why, the fool now seemed to believe that that
pathetic crossdresser Tsubasa was actually her Ranma-sama in
disguise! Best to get him away for a while, so that his fevered
brain could rest. Not that she actually cared-- much-- but she
supposed it was the sort of thing a good sister should do.

A wandering-- as usual-- Ryoga had no actual intention of going
to the beach, himself. But the fates and his incredibly bad sense of
direction-- he had been known to cause global positioning devices to
malfunction by merely being within ten meters of them-- decided
otherwise. Unlike the other cursed individuals, he had no waterproof
soap.

Poor Ryoga. Sent by the cold whims of a cruel destiny towards
one of the largest sources of cold water on the planet. It just
never gets any better for him, does it?

And one other thought longingly about the beach. But not because
of surf and sun. Not... exactly, anyway.

Chaos needs no recipe. But if it did, there was an ingredients
list in place.

####

The train trip to the beach was uneventful. Well, sort of.

Akane had only had to pummel two perverts who had tried to grope
her in the train station. Ranma had only had to pummel three.
No-one tried to grope Kasumi, maybe because she was too pure. Same
for Nabiki-- who might have seemed too scary. And since there were
no reports of bodies found slashed repeatedly with a sharp object
that day, we can assume no-one tried to grope Nodoka.

The family party took their seats on the train, Akane and Ranma
in one seat, Kasumi and Nodoka in another, Soun and Nabiki in a
third, and the panda had a seat all to himself, while growfing
bitterly about stupid kids with Super-soaker 3000 brand waterguns.
(For some reason, people were reluctant to share a seat with the
panda.)

In another car, Ukyo relaxed with Konatsu, reading a copy of
Okonomiyaki Quarterly.

In still another car, Ryoga Hibiki was trying to figure out how
the hell he'd gotten on a train, where was the train going, and where
on earth was he this time anyhow?

In yet another car Shampoo sat next to her great-grandmother and
occasionally stuck her tongue out at a sulking Mousse who had wanted
to sit next to Shampoo instead of the strange girl who was giggling
and calling his glasses "Antoine".

The Kuno's took a private automobile to the beach. It's good to
be rich.

And in the baggage car...

He sat in anticipation. Imagine... all that female flesh
exposed... all those bikinis, one-pieces, maillots, v-kinis, strings,
thongs and whatever new fascinating concepts that the swimwear
industry had thought of lately.

Not to mention that in the various changing rooms at the beach
would be vast amounts of panties and bras and stockings and other
such things just waiting for his caressing touch. And head,
occasionally.

He wondered why the girls got so angry with him. What was wrong
with an old man giving a young lass an innocent hug?

Or grope?

Or fondle?

Or-- no. Keep in control. As the boy would put it, a soul of
ice. Wouldn't do to be discovered here. Wait for the beach. The
beach with all those young lovelies, and silky darlings, and nearly
unlimited avenues for fun.

Best of all, the beach wasn't Nerima. So this time, no
spoilsport Ranma or annoying Cologne or any of the rest of them to
interfere with the innocent pleasures of an old man's fading years.

So, Happosai waited patiently for the bounty to come.

####

One would think that one of the groups would have noticed another
group disembarking from the train. One would be wrong. Somehow
everyone got to their respective hotel rooms, cabins, or--In
Happosai's case-- cave (He was used to them, after all, and they were
cheap) without being noticed by anyone else. In the case of most of
them, it was uneventful. In the Tendo-Saotome case, however--

"Mom, you gotta be kidding me!"

"Honestly, Ranma. It's a perfectly normal arrangement. Your
father, Mr. Tendo, and I will take one cabin, while you girls take
the other one."

"But I'm not really a girl! I can't change in front of them!"
protested Ranma.

"And I'm SURE not going to change in front of that pervert!"
snarled Akane.

"I'm not particularly happy about it either," added Nabiki.

"Oh, MY," flushed Kasumi.

"My decision is made. Remember, Ranma at the moment IS a girl,
and will remain one for slightly more than six weeks. Since she will
have to spend at least a month changing in the girl's locker rooms
when school begins again (multiple winces abounded) this will be good
training for all of you."

If looks could puree, Nodoka would have left in a one-pint
Zip-Loc bag. As it were, the three girls and one girl in training
entered their cabin.

"If you peep at me even once--"

"Like I wanna do that. Just you don't peep at me."

"What?!?"

"What I said."

"Why would I want to peep at YOU?!?"

"Well, Shampoo thinks you want to..."

"RANMAAAAAA!"

"Okay! Okay! Geez, you can't take any joke at all, can you?"

"It's not funny--" And then Akane broke off at the sight of
Nabiki rolling on the floor, laughing. "Well, I don't think it's
funny. Hmph."

"That's because you have the sense of humor of a brick, sis!"
replied the sniggering Nabiki.

Kasumi just blinked. Shrugged. And began to undress.

Ranma freaked. "Wh--what are you DOING, Kasumi?!?"

"Changing clothes for dinner. We're going out tonight, and
should be dressed nicely. Why?"

"But... but not in front of me? I mean..."

"Like your mother said, we're all girls, right? Honestly, Ranma,
Akane, I don't see why you're so upset. You've both seen each other
in the nude before. So it's not as though there's anything new to
see. And Ranma is a perfect gentleman, when she's not a lady. About
things like that anyhow." Kasumi finished removing her skirt and
blouse, folded them neatly, and picked a conservative gray and blue
dress, and began to clothe herself again.

Ranma and Akane stared at each other for a moment. Each had the
same thought-- (If Kasumi can be casual about this, then so can I.)

The first Anything Goes Martial Arts
Taking-Off-Your-Clothes-While-Keeping-Your-Cool match began.

And Nabiki dearly wished she knew who had been stealing all her
film during it.

Ranma and Akane carefully disrobed, staring into each other's
eyes the entire time, refusing to give an inch-- or a blush. Soul of
Ice indeed-- the room temperature practically dropped 10 degrees.

Finally the two were down to their often-mentioned
unmentionables.

Still staring.

"OK. I guess this doesn't count as peeping."

"Nope. Like I said, I don't wanna peep at you. Or anyone."

Akane couldn't decide weither to be angry or pleased. Refusing
to peep meant not-pervert. That was a good thing. Refusing to peep
at her suggested implications of uncute, unsexy, and the like. That
was a bad thing. Ranma's sudden calm was... confusing.

So Akane just stood there in her bra and panties and stared into
Ranma's eyes.

Ranma was feeling rather weird. Akane was cute-- in a way--
almost sexy-- but it didn't matter. She was just another girl,
technically, at the moment. Unlike most boys her age, Ranma was VERY
familiar with the female body in all it's states of dress or undress.
Somehow it didn't affect her the way it would, say, Daisuke, or
Hiroshi, or Kuno, or Ryoga (Especially Ryoga). For her it was a
matter of embarrassment. And right now, somehow, she wasn't
embarrassed. Which was confusing.

So Ranma just stood there in her bra and panties and stared into
Akane's eyes.

"Are you two going to get dressed?" asked a highly amused Nabiki.

A pause, a long pause.

The silence was broken by Akane saying, in a near total
non-sequitur, "Nice bra."

Ranma blinked. "Well, it's one of Mom's feminine days, so I
can't wear my simple ones. I never saw Sailor Moon print panties
before."

Akane replied evenly, "It's my favorite show. I like print
panties."

"I prefer plain ones. Guess it's a matter of taste."

"If you two are through discussing the merits of undergarment
decorations, Miss Sailor Moon Panties, and Miss Black Lace Bra, you
could get dressed," Nabiki snickered.

THEN it hit them... they were standing in front of each other,
well, not NAKED, but damn close, and they had been... CIVIL about it.

Akane reddened and dashed to her suitcase. Ranma stood there for
a moment in her scanty black lace bra and panties (Yes, they
matched), reddened more than Akane, and dashed for hers. In an
instant Akane was in a yellow skirt and pink blouse and Ranma was in
a blue knee-length skirt (one of the fighting variety, of course) and
a black lace-trimmed top.

Nabiki grinned, and after they left the cabin, dressed herself.
And to her chagrin was chided gently by Nodoka for being tardy. Thus
is the balance of justice maintained.

####

"What's Italian food?"

"Food from Italy, of course, Ranma," sniffed Akane. "If you paid
more attention in Geography class-- or any of the rest of school--
you'd be able to gue--"

"I know THAT," interrupted an annoyed Ranma. "I mean what's it
like?"

Akane began to respond-- and froze. She suddenly realized that
she didn't know the answer to that one.

"Mostly pasta and sauces, dear," interjected Nodoka.

"Oh. What's pasta?"

"Ah. Noodles of many shapes and sizes."

Ranma thought, carefully. "So, it's a ramen joint?"

Nodoka chuckled. "No, it's not ramen. Although some Italian
dishes are a little similar. You'll see."

"Okay..."

The restaurant, while not a four star type, was very nice indeed.
Ranma hadn't been in a restaurant as nice as this since... actually,
she wasn't certain she had ever been.

Perusing the menu, a barrage of questions were directed at
Nodoka, the only one of them who knew what anything other than pizza
or spaghetti was. (And Ranma hadn't ever heard of spaghetti.)

(Author's note. Pizza is in fact very popular in Japan.
Although the Japanese like toppings that most westerners would
consider eccentric. Such as corn, mayonnaise, and bonito flakes. If
you order the special in Japan, you have been warned.)

"What's lasagna?"

"Ravioli? I don't know that."

"Oh, Calimari is squid? But why do they fry it?"

Nodoka began to wonder about her choice of restaurants.
Especially since Ranma was apparently thinking of ordering everything
and trying it. Which was NOT in the budget.

When the waiter came by, he found himself in a quandary. A very
very pretty red-headed girl began to ask him about EVERY item on the
menu with an intensity usually reserved to food critics.

"Ah... a bread-stick is a stick of bread, miss."

"Pepperoni is a sort of dry sausage, miss."

"No, Spaghetti is NOT Italian ramen, miss. Would you like to
order?"

Eventually, the inevitable happened. Everyone ordered, and then
the last order was Ranma's. She ordered both lasagna AND
ravioli...and pointed out that she expected both salads, both soups,
and both everything else that came with them.

"Miss? Are you sure? That's rather a lot of food..."

Nodoka began to object to Ranma's order, when Genma laid a hand
across her wrist. "Trust me, No-chan... when Ranma does this in
girltype it ALWAYS works out."

And for once, Genma was right. A familiar voice came from a
nearby table. "Indeed, I find myself intrigued as well. The
fire-haired goddess has ever had an appetite for the feminine
victuals, sweets and the like-- but can even one as robust and
spirited as she consume such a quantity of such rich and, indeed,
manly food?"

Nabiki grinned. "Kuno-baby. What are YOU doing here?"

"Oh, great," Ranma whispered to Akane. "That moron followed us."

"I am here with my sister," replied Kuno. "She is at the moment
entranced before a mirror with a rather ludicrous amount of swimwear
that she hopes to ensnare... bah, 'tis such a pleasant evening I
cannot bring myself to speak his name."

"Guess he didn't... but it's still a pain, Ranma," whispered
Akane.

"Still-- Pony-tailed one, do you truly think one so delicate as
you, even with your formidable spirit, can truly consume such a
repast? I think not, for you are far too fair and sylphlike for
that."

"Bets?" grinned Nabiki.

"A wager? Against you? Hmm... for once, I can win. Surely such
a delicate flower cannot eat in the manner of a trencherman. What
stakes?"

And THAT'S how the Tendo/Saotome party got dinner, dessert, and
drinks free while Kuno missed out on a week of free photos. NEVER
underestimate the appetite of Ranma Saotome-- unless Akane's cooking.

####

"Told you so, No-chan."

####

"I like that food. I like that ravioli best. It's like
backwards ramen in sauce."

"I can't believe you ate all that, Ranma. You're such a pig."

"Hey-- I ate ladylike. Even Mom said so." Ranma carefully
repressed a burp. Burps, Nodoka had emphasized, were NOT ladylike in
public.

"Ranchan!"

Blink. "Ucchan? What-- what are YOU doing here?"

"Oh, my grill broke down, so I decided that me and Konatsu could
use a break. Did you know that the Italians make okonomiyaki?
Except they call it pizza and bake it. It's pretty good."

(Author's note-- Yes, Ukyo IS rather okonomiyaki focused. But
that's not her fault, really.)

"Um... I did. Funny to see you here at the same restaurant,
though..."

"Airen? What you do here?"

"SHAMPOO?!? ACK!"

"Why are you here, Shampoo?" asked Akane and Ukyo in chorus.

"Hibachan think we need rest. Was happy with us-- even stupid
Mousse-- when stop stick-boy and dress-wearing-boy from wrecking
Nekohanten. So we take time off. Airen know Italian people make
ramen? Only no broth and have funny sauce."

(Any second now, it's an explosion of insane violence and I'll
get blamed. Someone will say something about fiancee's, or I'll slip
and say something stupid and Akane will get mad, or a freaking ALIEN
will land and call them all names, or something--I just know it. And
if I say anything-- ANYTHING-- that'll set it off.) Such were the
thoughts of Ranma.

So, without any warning-- she sped off like a very fast thing
going, well, very very fast, leaving three fiancee's in the dust
without any warning.

Akane stared at the speeding martial artist. "What's got into
her?"

"Airen scared of violent girl! Shampoo find and comfort him!"

"If he's scared of anyone, it's you, Miss Kitty," Ukyo
interjected. "But it's weird that she ran off like that..."

"We probably should find her," added Akane, contemplatively. She
wasn't sure WHY Ranma had dashed off, but she was almost certain that
she had seen a look of sheer dread on her face before she had.

####

Ranma stopped when she had got to what she considered a safe
distance. And waited.

Sure enough, three girls had pursued her. Well, it was
inevitable.

She spread her arms wide, and proclaimed, "All right, let's just
get it over with."

Three pursuing girls stopped and stared.

"What are you talking about, Ranma?"

"Yeah, Ranchan-- what ARE you talking about?"

"Shampoo not understand Airen..."

"Look," Ranma explained, "Almost every time you three get
together something happens. And I get blamed. Then I get pummeled.
Well, I decided that for once I don't wanna be part of wrecking some
innocent place-- especially since they had such great food and I
might wanna eat there again-- so go ahead and pummel me and get it
out of the way."

Three girls looked at one... and reacted in a manner completely
unlike what Ranma had expected.

They fell to the ground and began to cry.

"You... you can't think that of us, Ranma...."

"Airen hates Shampoo..."

"Ranchan.. I never meant to..."

For the first time, the three rivals were united in a single
emotion-- guilt. Because even if they didn't believe that Ranma's
statement was the case, it was damn clear that RANMA did.

"I don't hate anyone. Well, not anyone here. I just thought
that we could get the inevitable fight out of the way so we could
have a nice weekend. I heal fast, after all--"

That last statement bought the crying up to sheer unlimited
bawling.

"I'm sorry, Ranma! I didn't know you thought we would do that!"

"Shampoo not want to make Airen's weekend unhappy! Shampoo
sorry!"

"God, Ranchan-- I never wanted to make you unhappy!"

It slowly sank into Ranma's head that she had three virulent
rivals all apologizing to her for something they hadn't even done
yet.

"It's... it's not like that... I'm supposed to be learning how to
be a girl sort of, and I wanted to be just a normal girl this
weekend-- well as normal as I can be, and just have fun, and well...
past history and all... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt your
feelings..."

There have been strange alliances in history. This was to be one
of the stranger.

Three girls looked at each other.

"No fights," Ukyo said. It was not a suggestion.

"Hai," Akane concurred.

"Shampoo agree."

Ranma blinked.

"Ranchan get's to have fun."

"Hai."

"Much fun."

Ranma stared.

"This weekend, Ranchan doesn't have to fight anyone."

"And if anyone starts one, WE'LL finish it."

"Amazons protect other amazons, Ranma training to be amazon."

And the three girls stood, and linked hands. While Ranma stared
in shock.

"United to protect Ranma's happiness this weekend!"

"Ranchan will have a GREAT time!"

"We work to make Ranma have happy time!"

And in a weird unison-- almost synchronistic, in fact-- the three
girl chorused--

"Ranma Happiness Protection League!"

And at this, Ranma passed out.

####

When she woke up, there was a concerned face meeting her bleary
gaze.

"Ranma... are you all right?"

"Um... I think so, Akane... I thought... I thought I heard you
say that you and Ucchan and Shampoo weren't going to fight..."

"Shampoo did say that."

"Ack!"

"Ranchan, this is going to be a happy weekend for you! We won't
let anyone get in the way of your having a fun time!"

"ACK!" The only thing worse than evil intentions were GOOD ones!

"We're... we're even going to leave you alone, if you want,
Ranma..."

Acks were no longer an option. The idea that ANYONE would leave
her alone was... well, damn near alien.

"Um... thanks?"

"No prob, Ranchan! Glad to do it!"

"The Ranma Happiness Protection League won't fail you, Ranma!"

"Ai-- Ranma have VERY nice time at beach!"

Ranma had a sudden sense of dread. Severe dread. World
shattering, gut wrenching, mind bending dread.

Of course, she was right.

####

Bedtime.

Which Ranma had been dreading no end.

As Kasumi laid out the futons that were kept in a closet in the
cabin, Ranma debated on a difficult choice--

Bra or no bra?

If it hadn't been a "feminine" night, the question would have
been a no-brainer. Pajamas were opaque, after all. But Nodoka had
decreed that one night out of three Ranma would sleep in "womanly"
garments. And since Nodoka had at times somewhat skewed ideas about
womanly (nearly as skewed as her ideas about manly, in fact), that
meant... wearing THAT.

Which Ranma wouldn't have minded as much if she was alone in her
own room, but with the three Tendo sisters here...

"Ranma-chan, what's wrong?" asked Kasumi. "You seem disturbed."

"Only 'cause I am. Kasumi, you really think there's nothin'
wrong with me being undressed in front of girls while I am a girl?"

"Well, I'll be honest-- I was a little uncertain at first, but
your mother is right. You'll have to get used to it, and we probably
should too. I've seen you wander around without a shirt in girltype
before, though-- why are you so embarrassed now?"

"I... I ain't sure. I guess part of it is this." And she held
up THAT.

Kasumi STARED. "Oh MY..."

"Yeah, weird, isn't it? In almost everything else, Mom's pretty
conservative-- you know how she reacted to my leathers. But get to
swimwear or sleepwear and she get's kinda... weird."

Kasumi stared at THAT. "Um... I suppose so?"

"And wearing that ain't really the problem... it's... well..."

"What, Ranma-chan?"

"I can't get to sleep wearing a bra. I don't mind wearing it
during the day, it's actually more comfortable, but somehow I can't
sleep while wearing it. It get's kinda twisted in my-- well, I toss
a lot when I sleep, and..." The trainee girl was blushing furiously
now.

"Oh, you too?"

Ranma's jaw dropped. About a meter. "HUNH?"

Kasumi shrugged. "I never can sleep in a bra myself. Well, all
there is for it is to just accept it."

Ranma was still trying to rewind her jaw.

"And if you're worrying about Nabiki and photographs, I've taken
care of that already."

"You've... huh?"

Kasumi giggled. "Your mother thought that it would be easier on
you if someone kept my sister's financial impulses in check during
the more personal parts of your training. Honestly, though, I don't
know what I'm going to do with all that film..."

Ranma blinked. "Arigato, Kasumi..."

"Anyhow, we better get ready for bed. You might as well get
ready now so that it's over with when the others get here."

And without further ado, Kasumi began to undress. Again.

Ranma flushed. "Ka--kasumi..."

"Oh, Ranma... it's just us girls." She had decided that Ranma
was for now just another girl-- never mind how she did it, she just
had-- and was casually unsnapping her bra.

(It's just us girls. Kasumi says it's just us girls.)

(Then... so be it, it's just us girls.)

And Ranma began to undress as well, keeping cool. Keeping in
control. Refusing to panic, refusing to be embarrassed.

Soul of ice. Hell, soul of liquid nitrogen.

A little later Nabiki and Akane returned to the cabin. Nabiki
had managed to find a late-open shop that had one single precious
roll of Fuji film for sale. Akane had finalised the agreement with
the other members of the temporary RHPL. Both froze at the sight in
front of them.

Kasumi was in her usual understated white cotton nightgown. Very
modest, very subdued, very Kasumi.

Ranma, on the other hand, was in a powder blue nightie, that had
spaghetti-straps, barely reached her hips, and was damn near
transparent. Except for the black lace panties, that was all. It
was terribly obvious that she wasn't wearing a bra.

That wasn't the freezing part, though. What was was the phrase
that had greeted them.

"Well, actually, it feels kinda nice. It's all smooth and soft
on the skin, see? I mean, when I'm a boy, it wouldn't feel the same
way, but this body has different feelings. I can't really explain--
Oh, konbanwa, Akane, Nabiki."

Ranma turned back to Kasumi with apparent unconcern, and
continued, "It's really more how it looks, see? More feminine than I
like."

Kasumi nodded wisely. "I can see that, Ranma-chan. I'm not
certain I'd ever have the nerve to wear something like that..."

"Well, Mom says I have to get used to my feminine side-- and you
don't get much more feminine than this, I guess. Well, the teddy
comes close."

Akane simply sat down next to the pair and stared. With very
wide eyes. And some confusion.

"Akane," commented Kasumi, "You know how recently Ranma stays in
her room every third night and is reluctant to come out?"

Akane nodded.

"This is why. Because Ranma and I share a problem."

"You... you have multiple fiancees too?"

"No, Akane. That's silly. No, it's--"

"You have a Jusenkyo curse?"

"NO, Akane. Neither Ranma or I can sleep well in a bra, and
since her mother says that one night out of three she has to wear
very feminine sleepwear, she was understandably embarrassed. We were
having a talk about it, and-- oh dear."

Nabiki was frantically fumbling with her camera. THIS photo
would sell for-- huh?

At the sight of Nabiki's photographic preparations, Akane went
into full RHPL mode. Taking and selling pictures of Ranma in that
outfit definitely went against the plan to make certain that Ranma
had a happy and fun weekend. Which was why the camera was suddenly
not there.

"You aren't going to sell any pictures of Ranma in that outfit,"
said Akane coldly.

Nabiki stared at the wreck of what had been a camera. "But...
but... all that yen..."

"This is Ranma's happy weekend. NO photos. Or... or I'll
evaluate you."

Nabiki began to regain control. "And what does that mean, little
sister?"

"You have been lax in your training. You used to train with
Daddy and me. I think your skills have slipped. I should find out
how much."

Nabiki froze-- again. Akane was DEAD serious. And no amount of
yen would be worth the pain that the youngest daughter was apparently
willing to inflict.

The status quo had changed somehow and Nabiki had missed it.
"But... but... "

"You can take a couple of pics of me in my swimsuit tomorrow if
you like, Nabiki," interjected Ranma. "But I get half of whatever
you take in. Modelling fees."

"But... but... but..."

"That seems fair," Kasumi said. "Really, Nabiki, taking pictures
of girls without asking them first isn't very polite."

"But... but... but... but..."

Nabiki was, basically, experiencing something that until now had
only happened to others. Near total brain crash.

"Anyhow, I'm tired," added Ranma. "Let's just go to sleep,
'kay?"

"I agree," Akane said.

"**yawn** Hai, Ranma-chan. Tomorrow will probably be a very
active day, ne?" suggested Kasumi.

Four girls went to sleep. One of them kept saying the word
"But..." all night.

####

Girl Days

A Ranma 1/2 fanfic

By Robert Haynie

(And here we go with the disclaimer thing again!)

part Six, section two: Life's a beach-- let's hit it!

####

It was a beautiful morning. Just beautiful. The sun rose like
the very eye of God, the sky was an intense sky-blue (a good thing,
since if it had been an intense sky-green we'd have an entirely
different sort of fanfic, wouldn't we?) and the breeze from the
mile-away beach held the tang of the ocean.

And Ranma couldn't decide which swimsuit to wear.

Oh, sunbathing was something easy, of course. That was the teal
and gold-chain bikini. If she wanted to sunbathe she'd just change
in one of the change booths that dotted the beach. She intended to
swim first, which meant one of the one-pieces. But which one?

There was the black one. Well, actually it was black with a
single inch-wide green stripe running vertically down the left side
of the front. It was high cut on the hips and low cut in the front
and back, and fit her like a glove. You could swim in it.

Then there was the other one. This one was actually what Ranma
thought of as a one and a half piece. It was technically a one
piece, but was made of blue mesh, with panels in bikini-coverage
places. Smallish panels. Somehow she felt more naked in that suit
than in the bikini. There was little to no doubt that it was meant
specifically to make the wearer look one hundred percent HOT.

Then again, the black one did the same on her. No matter which
suit she wore, she was going to have problems with many many boys
hitting on her. Which meant that she'd likely have to hit many many
boys.

The life of a Martial Artist is fraught with peril, her father
had said for years. Turning down lewd propositions was one peril
that had never been a factor before Jusenkyo .

She couldn't ask the others, of course. Kasumi wouldn't suggest
either-- too "risky" for her tastes. Nabiki would suggest the mesh
and Akane would say the black. And Mom wouldn't understand the
problem.

She flipped a coin. Tails. The mesh.

Well... time to get with the others, she mused, after donning the
revealing suit and slipping one of her Chinese shirts over it as a
coverup. Mom couldn't object this time, could she?

Nodoka, actually, didn't. In girlform, Ranma + Chinese Shirt -
Chinese Pants = Cute Girl in sleeveless minidress. Especially when
she was wearing a revealing swimsuit and not boxers.

And the party headed to the beach.

As did others.

####

"Hibachan, we go now?"

"Of course, Shampoo. Come on, mister Part-Time."

Mousse shrugged. He may have been wearing trunks under his
robes, but he was wearing robes right now nonetheless. There was no
way he could carry all that the old mummy wanted him to carry without
them.

Especially the portable cabana.

####

"Konatsu-chan, hurry! We want to get a good spot at the-- oh my
GOD. I knew you crossdressed, but..."

"I don't look right, Ukyo-sama?"

"You... you look great. That's what's scary. Well, come on..."

####

"Brother, Speedos and a bokken don't go together."

"..."

####

"Where on earth am I NOW?"

####

"Ah... gather your strength, Happy, gather your strength. Soon
enough you will have your greatest adventure ever!"

Evil laughter abounded.

####

It was a short bus trip to the beach. It was also, in the view
of most of the passengers, a weird one.

Genma had been to the beach post curse, and was always unhappy
that he would inevitably go panda. Not so much being a panda, but
rather that he didn't really fit in at a beach as a panda. Well,
this time he had an idea about that.

His idea was to start off as a panda. Now, this sort of made
sense, since it was sure to happen anyway.

But pandas don't usually wear really really oversized swimtrunks
and tie-dyed t-shirts. Genma was the world's first beach panda. He
was even wearing flip-flops. BIG panda-sized flip-flops.

Ranma sighed. Panda no baka.

As the bus arrived at the beach, a lifeguard stared at the
disembarking panda. "Hey-- no pets allowed. Not even trained ones."

"That's not a pet," Nodoka retorted. "That's my unworthy
husband."

"Huh?"

"That's my husband."

"You're married to a panda?"

"He's not a panda. Not usually. Well, actually he is fairly
often. Shameful, isn't it?"

"It-- he's not a... Look, I don't understand. What are you
trying to pull, lady?"

"Ranma, thermos."

Splash.

"It needn't be quite THAT hot, boy! EEEP!"

Mixed gasps and giggles began to emerge from the bus crowd.
Genma was not a small man, but he was a damn sight smaller than his
panda form. The result was that his panda-sized trunks decided to be
law-abiding. Law of gravity, that is.

In the past Genma had been exposed as a fool, exposed as a thief,
exposed as a buffoon, and exposed as a greedy scoundrel.

Now he was just plain exposed.

While Akane flushed, Kasumi averted her eyes, and Ranma and
Nabiki did their best to keep from exploding in mirth, Genma quickly
gathered the trunks up as best as he could, and growled, "Cold Water.
Please."

"So you see, he's not a--"

The lifeguard had a sense of impending doom. "Whatever. Go on.
I don't want to think about it."

As the party passed on, a thought entered the lifeguard's brain,
lagging behind the shock.

(Boy?)

####

Nabiki slipped off her beach robe, revealing one of her standard
bikinis. Small. Daring. Black. And barely there. She'd slip into
a one-piece if she decided to go into the water.

Akane wore a simple red and black striped one-piece, and swore
that this time she would learn to swim.

Kasumi was in a blue and modest one-piece.

Nodoka was in a suit similar to Kasumi's, except it was grey.

And Ranma--

Caused a commotion as soon as she slipped off the Chinese
"dress".

A small group of boys, out for that time honored sport of
girl-watching, were just plain in heaven. THAT many cute females...
in one group? The gods must be kind.

"Look at the redhead!"

"The one in the red suit is pretty cute, too."

"Look at the redhead!"

"They're all cute. Even the older one."

"Look at the redhead!"

"Aw, she's probably their mom. Good looking mom, though."

"Look at the redhead!"

"That one in the blue suit ain't bad either. Or the one in the
black bikini."

"Look at the redhead!"

"I dunno, she looks kinda scary in a way. But scary ain't bad
with a body like that!"

"Look at the redhead!"

"You know, Koji, I think you kinda like the redhead."

"Look at the-- well, damn, she's got to be the most beautiful
thing I have ever seen... "

"It's getting better."

"How could it get better?"

"Look what's coming to join them."

"Oh... GOD..."

The night before, the Ranma Happiness Preservation League had
decided to meet, and to protect Ranma from unhappiness. Part of that
was to stay close but not to actually join up with the Tendo-Saotome
party.

But the beach was pretty crowded, and by the demands of
synchronicity, the only open spaces with a reasonable distance were
right next to that same group.

So the Nekohanten crowd set up to one side and the Ucchan's duo
set up to the other. And Ranma began to sweat. Not from the heat,
either.

"Whoa-- look at that!"

"Yeah, THREE more babes!"

Three?

Well, to the uninformed eye, yes.

Ukyo wore a yellow two-piece with blue trim of fairly modest cut.

Shampoo, who quite frankly had little concept of the idea of
modesty, wore a bikini that was as tiny as Nabiki's, only red.

And Konatsu-- looked like a girl.

It should be understood that there was one major difference
between Konatsu and Tsubasa, the crossdresser kings-- or was that
queens?-- of Japan. Tsubasa only dressed like a girl because he was
convinced that Ukyo liked it. Konatsu, on the other hand, had been
raised as a girl, held a self image as a girl, and likely would have
happily leapt in the Nyannichuan if the opportunity had ever
presented itself.

Konatsu was GOOD at looking like a girl.

As the modest green skirted one-piece attested. Had the Nerima
contingent not known that she was actually a he, they... well,
wouldn't have known it.

Ranma stared. (As did a lot of other people.) And said,
uncertainly, "Nice swimsuit, Ko-chan?"

"Arigato, Ranma-san. Ukyo-sama liked it too."

Shampoo peered at Ranma. "Ranma wear very... um..."

"Sexy?" interjected Nabiki, grinning.

"That word." Shampoo was NOT happy with Girl Days. Even if
Hibachan DID approve. Not only was she interested in the male
Ranma-- and only the male Ranma-- but it was somewhat disturbing that
Ranma was wearing a suit that even she would think twice about.
(Only twice. Third time around, the suit's on.)

"Thanks, Sham-chan", giggled Ranma, deciding to go into full
kawaii-as-a-bucket-of-plush-toys mode. "Mom picked it out."

Shampoo began (like many others) to severely wonder about Nodoka
Saotome.

Meanwhile, on the girl-watcher's front--

"Whoa-- check out the one with the purple hair!"

"Yeah, SERIOUS babe!"

"Almost as good as the redhead!"

"Koji, she's BETTER."

"I like the one with the yellow two-piece. She's CUTE!"

"Hmm... the one in green is kinda cute also."

A long pause.

"There's something about her, though..."

"She looks the real shy and ladylike type, yeah."

"Look at the red--"

"We get the idea, Koji! We get the idea!"

"Hey, Ichiro, what are you staring at? All the girls are over--
whoa."

The new distraction was a private pavilion with an adjoining
change room. There Tatewaki Kuno was idly dozing, dreaming of
infinite glories and inevitable victories (especially over
you-know-who), while Kodachi was stepping out of the change room
in...

This one was hard to describe. Basically it was ribbons.
Carefully wound silver ribbons-- yes, gleaming metallic silver-- that
concealed the parts that had to be concealed while revealing enough
to be revealing period. It was carefully planned for a maximum
effect on the male libido. It was meant to ensnare the heart of her
Ranma-sama.

If it wasn't for the fact that her Ranma-sama, contrary to what
many believed, wasn't a suicidal maniac, it might have had a chance.
As it was, Ranma caught it out of the corner of her eye, deduced it's
purpose, and shuddered.

The pack of boys were in girl-watcher's heaven. Somehow they
were flanked by amazing amounts of feminine pulchritude. This, as
any normally hormonal boy can tell you, is a Good Thing.

Well, usually.

That's when Cologne decided to take off her robes and appear in
HER swimsuit.

The author refuses to describe this one because the image of
Cologne in a swimsuit is too hideous for even HE to envision. You
should all be very thankful for that.

The pack of boys suddenly passed out.

They weren't as lucky as YOU, Honored Readers.

As the day moved on, Ranma and company did a bit of swimming
(Except for Akane, who did a bit of sinking before being convinced
that maybe this wasn't her day to learn how to swim after all), a bit
of playing, during which Genma's experience with a beach-ball when
impersonating a panda paid off, and a lot of careful not fighting.

The three members of the RHPL were incredibly careful to be
polite to each other, to not fawn over or assault Ranma, and to
generally just treat her like one of the gang. This was beginning to
get on Ranma's nerves in much the same way that calming and peaceful
things don't. Ranma was convinced that someone would say something
that would start, if not World War Three, then at least a healthy
local police action.

She expected it to happen at lunch.

As lunchtime rolled around, Kasumi began laying out the
sandwiches and cold rice and pickles and sushi and-- well, lots of
other Kasumi-ish picnic type foodstuffs. To Ranma's dread, she also
smelled from one side the odor of Okonomiyaki in preparation and to
the other a spicy aroma of some rapid Chinese preparation. She
expected another bout of "Ranma will eat MY cooking!"

But, to her absolute astonishment, Shampoo carried a bowl of
heavily topped ramen over to Ukyo, who served Shampoo an elaborate
okonomiyaki, and nodded.

"This is pretty good, Shampoo. Guess even I can use a change
from okonomiyaki once in a while."

"Shampoo think same about ramen. This have shrimp in it?"

"Sure does, girl. And bonito. What's this spicy flavor?"

"Szechuwan bean paste, make spicy broth Chinese style."

"I have to admit, I like it. Hmm... where do you get that bean
paste? Could make a new 'yaki sauce."

It was beginning to look like the other shoe that Ranma had been
dreading all morning wasn't going to drop after all.

Bit by bit the three groups had melded into one, and food began
to be shared all around. Cologne was impressed by Kasumi's special
sandwiches and the thermos filled with Nodoka's special Shrimp and
Rice soup. Akane got a weird idea which Shampoo and Ukyo decided to
try. Which was how Ranma taste-tested the first ramen okonomiyaki.
(It was actually pretty good.)

And Ranma was relaxing. There was a LOT of food. And she was
getting enough. Even the one thing that Akane had prepared-- a
simple salad-- had turned out to be edible. This was possibly one of
the best days of her life.

After such a meal, the next thing was to relax it off. Just lay
back and sun.

Ranma changed her swimsuit to the teal bikini, (causing much joy
from the pack who were still watching) and laid back. What a nice
day! The Fiancee Front was getting along-- maybe even making friends
a little bit-- Mousse hadn't attacked her at all, no weirdness, no
food poisoning, no grand battle for her life... She was feeling
something unfamiliar. Something she hadn't felt in a long long time.
What was the word, again?

Oh, yeah. Contentment.

####

Ryoga was in a state of near panic. Water. EVERYWHERE water.
Ocean and pools and a lagoon-like thing and coolers filled with
melting ice and ocean (yes, he'd thought about that once, but there
was a LOT of ocean) and...

And he KNEW all of it was waiting to pounce on him and once again
rip him of his humanity. And since he'd seen no less than twenty
barbecues while here in this hellish place, a small black potential
pork roast was NOT something he wanted to be.

If only he had some tiny idea WHICH accursed beach he was at. It
could be any in Japan. On any island. He sometimes suspected that
some of the places he'd been weren't actually IN Japan. At least, he
was fairly certain that there wasn't a Swedish speaking colony on any
of the islands. He hoped he was wrong, though.

But he was certain of one thing. He was lost. Again. The only
thing that was at all good at the moment was the shade of the tree he
was under. That wasn't enough.

The familiar feelings of depression and angst began to well up.
Heavy chi welled up into his breast, as the misery of his pitiful
life preyed on his mind. And worst of all, at this particular moment
in time he couldn't even find a way to blame Ranma for any of his
present situation (except for the everpresent danger of becoming a
pig of course). He looked up into the sky, just after screaming a
familiar phrase.

"SHI SHI HOKODAN!"

As the ball of depression chi shot off into the air, Ryoga
realized that the shade he'd been standing in wasn't a tree, after
all. It was-- Oh, no.

"A watertower? Why me? WHY BWEE?"

Well, a watertower with a large hole in it now. P-chan walked on
after dragging his clothes and umbrella to a safe place. Carefully
avoiding barbecues.

####

(Almost time, Happy. Wait for it to get to the peak crowds...
then you can have real fun.)

####

"You know, Akane, I'm actually having a nice time," Ranma said as
she sunned.

"We said you would, didn't we?" interjected Ukyo.

"Ranma have fun this weekend," added Shampoo.

"That may change," frowned Akane. "I think that pack of admirers
has someone in it who's getting up the courage to talk to someone.
And guess who I think it is?"

"Well, Akane-chan, a boy'd have to be dead not to want to strike
up a conversation with Ranchan in her present state. But it would
annoy her, so we should deflect him, I guess."

"Aw, you don't have to go to all that trouble, I been expecting
it. All I gotta say is no, right?"

"That ever work before? Even with some people who know the
truth?" pointed out Akane.

"Well, one can always hope?" Ranma shrugged.

"Shampoo think maybe no and punch in face?"

"Why sink to violence so soon, sugar?"

"Work for Mousse."

"Since when?"

The youth approached and zeroed in on Ranma, as Akane had
expected. "Hey, beautiful," he asked with all the panache of a
streetcorner flasher, "Where have you been all my life?"

Ranma groaned. "Well, for the past year Nerima. Now I'm not--"
She stopped her rejection as the boy paled and stumbled away.

"What got into him?" Ukyo wondered.

Back the pack, Koji blurted, "We don't want anything to do with
those girls. They're from Nerima. My cousin Hiroshi goes to
Furinkan High there, and I just recognized some of the descriptions.
And they are ALL lethal martial artists who are known not to like
being asked out on dates."

"You're kidding."

"Nope. Especially the redhead. 'Roshi isn't very clear about
her, but she's supposed to be the worst of the lot-- and their
boyfriend is even more dangerous."

"THEIR boyfriend?"

"Apparently they all want to marry this guy who 'Roshi says can
leap over buildings and throw fireballs. 'Roshi is probably
exaggerating, but I don't wanna get slapped by no dan ranking anyway.
No, I for one ain't going back."

The others sighed disappointedly. And a few later neglected that
suggestion. But that's another story...

####

Clean-up completed, the sunning resumed. This time the gazes
from the pack were somewhat subdued as Koji related horror story
after horror story from his cousin. By the time it was safe to
return to the water, he'd painted a picture of impossible weirdness
and sheer non-stop violence that the human mind could barely conceive
of.

In other words, he got it pretty much right. Except no-one had
ever actually been eaten.

"It's been such a nice day, Ranma," sighed Akane. "So peaceful,
so pleasant."

"Yeah," agreed Ranma, suppressing a burp.

"I only wish-- look, Ranma, isn't that-- it is! It IS!"

"Mmmmmm?" the redhead commented, soaking in the bliss of a warm
sun, a cool breeze, and a great meal.

"P-CHAN!" squealed Akane in glee, and dashed off to gather her
pet up.

Whose eyes went VERY wide. Why was it that recently he kept
meeting Akane wearing.... and pressing him into those... those...

Neural Shutdown followed as P-chan tried to look away from Akane
and those... those... and got an eyeful of Ranma, Shampoo, Ukyo, and
Nabiki, also wearing... and with rather obvious those.

"Oh, Ranma, I think P-chan's been hurt! He's not moving and his
nose is bleeding!" wailed Akane.

"I'm sure he'll be all right," Ranma said dryly.

When P-chan came to, he steeled himself to the sight of so much--
and so developed-- female flesh and tried to simply enjoy the small
tidbits that Akane pressed on him. Ranma snorted, but kept her
peace. She was simply in too good a mood to antagonize Akane with
her first impulses. (Most were related to the phrase "pigskin" in
American style football.)

She leaned back, and sighed. Perhaps a little less content--
Ryoga she wasn't looking forward to meeting this time-- but still
pretty much so. She picked up a cold drink, wrapped her lips around
the straw, and froze.

There was a sound.

A familiar sound.

A chillingly familiar sound.

The sound of a crowd of outraged female voices all crying for
vengeance, justice, and especially a good bludgeoning.

And the voice-- the familiar, hated voice--

"SWEETO!"

"Oh, no. Not HIM. The day was going so well... why did HE have
to show up?"

Akane, Ukyo, and Shampoo all looked at each other and formed a
protective ring around Ranma. No WAY was she going to get glomped by
the ancient pervert this ti--

Yeah, right. Happosai didn't know why three very curvy girls
were suddenly protecting someone in the middle of them, but he knew
that someone had to be really really special. He performed a simple
slide between Ukyo and Shampoo, leapt straight up-- and latched onto
heaven!

What a perfect figure! What wonderful globes of feminine
mammality! What a skimpy skimpy bikini! What gorgeous red--

Uh-oh.

Happosai looked up. The hair might have been unbound, but the
eyes were unmistakable. Blue, wide, beautiful-- and very very angry.

"Ranma-chan, surely you aren't going to begrudge an old man his
innocent pleasures?"

"Die," suggested Ranma. "No, bleed, bruise, be broken, and THEN
die."

"I guess you are. Oh, well..."

Before Ranma could react, Happosai managed to grope Ukyo, fondle
Shampoo, glomp Akane, and dash away at incredible speed-- pausing
only for a quick squeeze on Nabiki. For a moment the party froze,
and then--

"Is Ranma's happy weekend-- we handle it."

"Yeah, Ranchan, leave it to us."

"Ranma, you just relax and we'll... uh-oh."

The uh-oh was because Ranma was glowing. Glowing blue... in
sheer anger. Her face was a strange mixture of feminine rage and
masculine fury. Her fists were clenched, her teeth were audibly
grinding, and her eyes were apparently turning red.

"Happy Weekend. You wanna know what'll make me happy? Pounding
that pervert into dust will make me happy!"

"Oh... can we help?"

"Yeah, Ranchan, please?"

"Shampoo want HURT old pervert!"

Ranma just nodded. And then noticed that there were a pack of
other girls around her-- looking at her with wide and respectful
eyes. What was going on?

And Akane pointed at Ranma and said, "Follow our leader!"

The bloodthirsty cheer went up.

####

Kodachi was pleased. This was a swimsuit that only the dead
could ignore, and surely her Ranma-sama was so full of life, that he
would gather her up in his muscular arms and tug at the ribbons just
like the little shriveled...

What?

She stared at what seemed to be some sort of gnome. Tugging
curiously at the hip-ribbon of her one-of-a-kind-only-for-
Ranma-Sama-to-do-THAT swimsuit. "Hunh. Never saw one like that
before. How does this work..."

TUG.

Happosai was draped with ribbons. And was staring in wide-eyed
wonder at Kodachi, who was draped in air.

"Hotcha! That's something new! Easy open packaging!"

Kodachi was paralyzed in mixed fury and chagrin. Then she became
aware of two separate cries of rage. One from her brother, who had
just come out of the change room to put on a t-shirt, and a larger
one from a mob of women heading this way very fast. Oddly, the mob
seemed to have a small sub-tone of piglet squealing added in. (Yes,
Ryoga was pissed too.)

And leading the mob was the red-haired witch that her brother was
so erroneously enamored of. Glowing-- literally-- in fury.

Happosai bounced off again after a quick (and very unwanted) hug.
Kodachi stood for a moment more-- and dashed into the change room
very very fast indeed. As she came out in a somewhat modest
two-piece in purple, with a black rose applique on one breast, she
confronted the redhead.

"Have you also been affronted by that... that thing?"

"You got it, Kodachi. And this time is the last time."

"You are familiar with... it?"

"SHE'S our LEADER!" chorused the mob.

"For once we have common cause. That... that..."

"Happosai," interjected Kuno, in tones of disgust. "The one
redeeming feature of the Sorcerer Saotome is that he apparently
loathes that creature as much as all right-thinking people do."

"Whatever. I suggest that we.... that is, we would do well to...
aw, hell, let's CREAM the bastard!" snarled Kodachi, deciding that
for once it could be useful to be a commoner.

"What she said," added Kuno. "This vile troll will not withstand
our just wrath!"

"Shampoo with you!"

"Same here, Sempai!"

"For Ranchan and women around the world!"

"Bweee!"

Ranma stood straight. For a moment she didn't look like a babe
in a bikini (although she was, let's not forget) but like some arcane
goddess of war and justice. "Happosai-- today you PAY!"

Further down the beach, a shriveled old pervert sneezed.

####

"What is this, Hiro?"

"Oh, just something I made on my lunch hour."

"You made a cocktail umbrella on your lunch hour? But that's
what we make when working."

"Pick it up."

"Well, ok, but-- Hey, this thing must weigh a kilogram!"

"Ayup. It's a model of a Combat Umbrella."

"A what?"

"Used by a very few families in an unorthodox combat style. My
family makes them for those families. I just made this for fun-- a
full size one can weigh up to 75 kilos. And do a LOT of damage
also."

"Weird. Very weird."

"Yeah-- HEY! What was that?!?"

"I'm not sure, but I THINK a small black piglet wearing a
bandanna stole your model."

"Oh. Funny... that piglet reminded me of someone..."

Ryoga, meet Synchronicity. For once being nice to you.

####

As the mob dashed out to find the target for today, Ukyo realized
something. Something bad.

"Damn! Ranchan, I don't have my combat spats! I was trying so
hard to be peaceful I didn't bring them!"

"Aiya! Shampoo no have bonbori either!"

"Blast-- I only have about a dozen weapons for basic defense!
Shampoo made me leave most at the cabin because she didn't want any
fights and I had to make room for everything Cologne wanted me to
carry!"

"I haven't even a ribbon! That pervert took the only one I had
while I was wearing it!"

"Well, ain't a lot we can do about that right... Holy. There IS
a Kami-sama," grinned Ranma, pointing at a nearby shop.

And all stared at the signboard... and grinned.

####

"Good sir. I and my compatriots would avail you of your wares."

Old Mister Nagayosi looked up into a pair of piercing dark eyes
and froze. Those eyes were in the company of at least thirty very
pretty ladies in swimwear. Said ladies were pouring over his stock
with grim determination.

"Um... sure?"

"Chinese damsel, Sister, Beauteous Chef-- choose your weapons."
He looked at the crowd of beach beauties, who were realizing they had
no money in their various swimsuits, and added, "Indeed- everyone
may have one, and the Blue Thunder will meet the cost. Generosity is
the hallmark of the Samurai, and justice must be fulfilled. SASUKE!"

Nagayosi almost had a heart attack as a small form popped up from
apparently nowhere. "Master?"

"My wallet. And sir, would you show me you finest wares? I wish
to purchase one for a person who is dear to me, and it should be of
extra quality."

"Um... what is it for?"

"The punishment of the unholy and perverse.'

"So... either Happosai or Ryo. Figures. I think I may have
something special..."

Nagayosi grinned. And to think he was worried about staying in
the black this year. Instead, it looked to be a bumper quarter for
the Nagayosi Mallet Factory Outlet.

####

"This is for you, my fire-haired love."

"Um... Kuno-sempai, I'm really better with my fists..."

"As a token of my esteem, I insist."

"I hate to admit it-- but this is almost sweet of you."

Ranma looked at the gift and... grinned.

####

Happosai chortled. He'd lost them for sure. None of them, of
course, had ever had a chance against-- Why, there was Akane-chan
now, waiting for his loving embrace! Once he got past the mallet, of
course.

As she swung, he danced back-- and suddenly felt an impact on his
head. A hard one. He spun--

And there was Ranma-chan. With a mallet.

And Ukyo. With a mallet.

And Kodachi. With a mallet.

And Shampoo. With TWO mallets she was twirling like Bonbori.

And Mousse, who had improvised with a large quantity of smaller
mallets tied to nylon cords in his sleeves.

And Kuno, who bore a mallet in one hand and his bokken in the
other.

And Nabiki. Taking bet's with passerby on how long he'd last.
With a mallet shaped pen.

And many many very angry girls. And they ALL had mallets.

There was also a small black piglet with a cocktail umbrella in
it's mouth.

(This MIGHT hurt a bit,) thought Happosai.

Actually, that was remarkably prescient of him.

As he scrambled to escape (after the first three hundred impacts)
he realized he had to somehow recharge. No time for glomps-- they
were leaving him vulnerable to malleting. Idly (and painfully) he
wondered if Akane had opened her own dojo. If so, she certainly had
more than her share of students.

And what was with the piglet? His buttocks were still smarting
from multiple pokes with the damn umbrella.

He couldn't think. He was too low on energy. Ranma-chan was so
unappreciative of his innocent attentions. So were the other Neriman
girls. So were ALL the girls. He couldn't understand it. Why were
they so upset?

He managed to lose the pack of raging females for a moment, and
saw a cabin. Perhaps there would be something in there--

And there was. Oh, there WAS. He saw them. Black. Lacy.
Skimpy. Used, since they were in a plastic bag for taking home. And
so incredibly feminine they would surely give him the energy to
escape.

He grabbed the bra, tying it on his head, started fondling the
panties-- silkiest of silky darlings-- opened the paths of his chi--

And screamed in uncomprehending agony as all his power was
twisted, torn, and rendered totally useless. As he passed out he
wondered--

"Why? Why did the panties betray me?"

####

"Actually, it's very simple," Cologne said, smirking at the
chained pervert in the corner, who was still babbling in confusion.
"Although Ranma's body is female, his-- or her-- inner self is
primarily male. True, there is male and female-- yin and yang, if
you will-- in all persons, but Ranma is an essentially male soul with
female overtones."

"So how did that stop the old perv?" asked Ranma, slightly
confused.

"Happosai was seeking the residual female chi that he needed to
recharge. However, when he did that, he also opened himself to the
residual MALE chi that you generate, Ranma. And since you generate a
LOT of chi, that overwhelmed him. His perverse nature couldn't
handle all that masculine force. The result? One brain-fried
Happosai."

"I like cheese," opined Happosai.

"I'm not certain I understand," said Akane.

"Well, Happy there takes his energy from female chi. Male chi is
something he has no way to handle. It's like slamming a lot of DC
current into an AC appliance. Lots more than it's rated for even if
it was AC current. For the moment, Happosai is-- to coin a phrase--
out of it."

"Beagles are GOOD with chocolate syrup and wasabi!" added
Happosai, eager to join the conversation.

"Ranchan-- you were wearing those last night?"

"Well... it was a feminine night, and Mom makes me wear pretty
underwear then..."

"That not pretty. That something Shampoo not wear. Well, not
bra."

"Why not the bra? Too racy?" grinned Akane.

"No, Shampoo just not wear bra anyway. Want know where Airen buy
panties, though. Shampoo like style."

Akane sniffed.

"So, what do we do with him now that we have him?" asked Ukyo.

"Antarctica is nice this time of year," mentioned Kuno.

"Good one, Kuno," chuckled Ranma. "That's the first good joke I
ever heard you make!"

"Fire-haired angel, I was not joking. The resources of the Kuno
estate are... considerable."

Ranma grinned. "Better one, then."

"Not sure about that."

"Why, Shampoo?"

"Is not fair to girl penguins?"

And there was much laughter, except from Happosai, who was saying
something about blue cheese and sardines as a cure for warts.

####

Akane watched nervously as Ranma fairly caressed her new toy. A
mallet. A mallet with a titanium-graphite shaft, leather grips, and
teak head with brass reinforcing bands. And, ironically, on each
side of the head, an engraved stallion, rearing.

"You know, if he only knew..." chuckled Ranma. "It's
personalized."

"Personalized?"

"Yeah, a wild horse on the sides."

"Oh. A Ran-Mallet."

Ranma groaned. Even P-chan, in Akane's arms, gave a pained
squeal.

"Anyway, you seem pretty fond of it," murmured Akane.

"Hey, it's my first. And I gotta admit, I can see what you like
about them. Satisfying to trash him with this."

P-chan bweed in agreement. Finally, an umbrella for both shapes.
He'd LIKED poking the old pervert (now on his way to the far, far
south) with it.

Akane paused. "I wonder where P-chan got that umbrella, anyway?"

Uh-oh, thought the pig.

"You know, with the bandanna and the umbrella, he reminds me of
Ryoga..."

I'm pork roast, thought the pig.

"Of course! Why didn't I see it before!"

Make that spam, thought the pig.

"Ryoga must have been training P-chan to protect me like he tries
to! How sweet of him!"

The pig fainted.

Ranma sighed. (And she calls ME baka...)

####

End part six, section two.

####

OK-- this was a gearing up to a classic Ranma-style romp. I
admit it. I also admit to deciding that if I was going to use the
tired old mallet convention I was going to have some fun with it. I
hope you had fun also. ^_^

I don't know WHERE the umbrella joke came from, though. Heh.