[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 10
Calum Wallace
You still can't make me say Ranma 1/2's my fault!
Look out, here comes another dose of Biker 1/2...
Danger swearing.
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Chapter 10: Public Enemy #9
"Superstition and jealousy" - Rob Zombie, 轡rag-u-la'
************************************
The huge and immensely hairy leather - clad figure pootled along on his
bizarre looking motorbike. It resembled a V8 with the ends of a moped
grafted to it. That was because it was a V8 with the ends of a moped grafted
to it.
Just behind him was a second motorcycle. While the big guy's ride looked
like a self - propelled scrapyard this one gleamed. It was a Harley-Day and
in perfect condition. It's rider was dressed in a huge, billowing cloak and
black leathers. Neither rider wore a helmet. The big guy wore antique flying
goggles. His friend wore mirrorshades. Both were young guys.
A police car pulled alongside them. The guy on the Harley glanced over as
the cops gestured at them to pull over.
He removed his sunglasses. The startled cops got a glimpse of his eyes then
they were suddenly compelled to stop.
The big guy roared with laughter. "Nice one, Mortise!"
Mortise smirked and replaced his shades."They won't try that again,
Ratvespa."
Ratvespa bellowed with laughter again. "Yeah, and now that goddamn Ranma
Saotome's gonna die!"
************************************
"What the fuck?" Ranma repeated. "What the fuck, what the fuck what the-"
Shampoo cut him off with a loud giggle. "Stop say that, Ranma."
Nodoko sighed. "Ranma, please listen to my little explanation? You too,
Genma?"
The two Saotome men nodded.
"Yes, Ranko is indeed your sister... your twin. After Genma left me for Ai
Hibiki - Ryoga's mother-"
Ranma butted in. "Hey! How come ya never told me that, Dad!"
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah. My mum? You said she wuz dead!"
Nodoko coughed. "Ahem. I was about to get to that... The marriage between
myself and Genma was arranged... We never could have lived happily with each
other, but it was a necessity to end a centuries - old feud between our
clans. Thus you, Ranma. You share equal amounts of the Saotome and Moroboshi
lines."
Ranma nodded. "Riiight... but where does she-" he pointed at Ranko "- come
inta this? I wanna know."
Genma nodded. "He's not th' only one!"
"I was five months pregnant when Genma headed off to his true love Ai
Hibiki. Hey, our fathers suggested it. Neither of us expected twins, in fact
I never actually told him." She smiled at Genma. "Sorry - I didn't expect
you to come back."
Ryoga slammed his fist into the palm of his hand. "What the fuck's the
deal?"
Genma sighed. "Luckily I wasn't working the day your mother had a head - on
crash with an articulated lorry on her way to the supermarket. So I was
taking care of you. If I had been working both of you would have been killed
- the truck was an army one. Loaded with ammo - it caught fire. The only
reason they knew it was Ai was because they found her car's rear numberplate
and two of her teeth after the explosion."
Nodoko nodded. "That was about eighteen months after you were born, Ryoga.
About six months after Ranma and Ranko were born... Genma left me one male
name and one female name. I used both... but that was some time before I
took up trucking. I had little income. I could not afford to raise two
children. I knew Genma's father and my own father had been hoping for a
boy... while Ranma the first had died three months before Ryoga was born,
how could I refuse that lovely old man his dream? He was like a second
father to me. So I made my decision and sent Ranko to the adoption agency...
Six years ago, some four years after you trio vanished on your training
trip, I received a telephone call from the police force. Apparently the
family who adopted Ranko were involved in a high speed train crash... Ranko
was the only survivor out of their entire carriage. A freight train
travelling in the opposite direction had derailed and two wagons loaded with
fucking JGSDF tanks hit the passenger train. Ranko's left leg was cut off at
the knee by wreckage. They managed to dig her out of the mess twelve hours
after the crash... she was thrown out of a window by the impact and the
freight train locomotive landed on her leg. The carriage she had been in
caught fire - everyone else in it burned to death... A year ago she ran away
from home."
Ranko snorted. "Yeah, you old bitch! I was looking for my Dad! I am not a
lady!" She jerked her thumb at Nodoko. "This old coot didn't want me doing
any of the stuff me and my mates wanted to do so I left." She sniggered.
"Sure took you a while to cancel that credit card. I only stopped here
because I saw Dad the other day - his bike matched the one in the photo Mum
had of you guys the day you left and the name on the back of the jacket was
a dead giveaway. I been tracking you guys down since then."
Ranma stared at her. "You're my sister?"
"You're my brother."
Another motorbike thundered down the street. This one was also a Harley.
But unlike Ranko's decrepit ride this one gleamed. There was not a single
spot of dirt on it's glistening chrome metalwork, not one fly splat on the
headlamps, not one smear on the gleaming black - and - flames paintjob.
Ranma made a face. "Yuck."
Ranko shot him a weird look as the machine pulled up. It's rider was dressed
in skin tight leathers, mirrorshades and a large black cloak. He had longish
black hair and a nasty superior expression. And large gold earrings.
He coughed politely. "Excuse me, is there a Ranma Saotome resident at this
address?"
Ranma nodded. "Yeah - that's me."
"I have this message for you." He handed Ranma an old envelope which was
folded in half and closed with duct tape. "Sorry about the presentation, but
my pal is broke and can't afford fancy paper. Nice ratbikes - so long."
He rode off.
Ranma stared after him. "What the fuck was that all about?"
"Well, why not open this note and find out?" Ryoga suggested.
Ranma nodded and fished a large Bowie knife out of under his bike seat. He
slit the duct tape then replaced the knife in it's hidden sheath.
"Right, lets see."
He read the note then re-read it with a puzzled frown on his face.
"It's a challenge. From someone called Ratvespa... where have I heard that
name before?"
"Wasn't that that little cretin bully dude we usta beat up?" Ryoga asked.
Ranma snapped his fingers. "That's it. He had this old Vespa ped what he'd
ratted up a bit. An' he thought he could pick on anyone since he could wave
a baseball bat. Stupid fuckwit - I'm gonna make him regret comin' back fer
more."
"That wuz just after ya built my jetbike, wasn't it? He was well jealous
about that then he found out I'm gay an' started trying ta bully me."
Ranma nodded. "Yeah. I hospitalised him fer callin' Ryoga stuff he
shouldn't."
"Little queer, if I remember right. Ya shouldn't get so mad about it, bro -
it's true. That was before I found that shit that made me mega - strong."
"That's not th' point, Ryoga. Th' point is th' way he said it."
Ranko paused. "Um - let me get this straight? You're homosexual, Ryoga?"
Ryoga paused. "Something like that. Er - I'd better demonstrate."
He ambled over to the pond and splashed himself. She straightened up and
grinned at Ranko.
"Check this out!"
************************************
Ranko scratched her head. "Let me get this straight. Ryoga turns into a
catgirl. Ranma turns into a carbon copy of me. And Dad turns into a fucking
panda."
Ranma nodded gloomily. "Too fuckin' true, sis."
Ryoga grinned. "Cool, innit?"
"You think changing sex is cool?"
Herb snorted. "He - she would. It is for her." He finally made up his mind
about Ryoga's gender. But here was one girl he did not want to mess with.
Considering at the way Ranma looked at Akane and Shampoo he decided maybe
there was three. After all, Ryoga reckoned Ranma was better than her. Which
made Ranma very good indeed. Thinking of which, where the hell had the
Amazon girl gone? Not his problem, he decided.
He glanced at Ryoga. "We'd better get going... could you change back? You
know how much it distracts Mint and Lime."
Ryoga cackled then nodded. "Sure, boss." She grabbed the kettle and changed
herself back.
Ranma suddenly glanced around. "Hey - where the fuck did Shampoo go?"
Everyone shrugged. Ranma sighed. "Ah well. She's probably takin' a shit."
Ryoga and Herb walked out the door, both smoking. Then Herb made up his
mind.
"Ryoga, I trust you. So I'll tell you the truth."
He flipped back his hood, revealing 敬is' face to Ryoga for the first time.
"What the fuck? Jusenkyu?"
Herb nodded grimly. "I fell in Spring of Drowned Girl... but that's not the
end of the story. You know that bucket I've always got on my bike?"
"Yeah?"
"Splash a Jusenkyu - cursed individual with that and it makes the curse
permanent. I met it's contents coming the other way."
Ryoga whistled. "No shit?"
"No shit. What I'm looking for is it's companion artifact - a kettle that
reverses it's effects. It was stolen by a group of monks several years
ago..."
"And we're gonna get it back, right man?"
Herb nodded and flipped her cloak hood back up.
"If we manage - note IF - I'll give you a go with that bucket, huh?"
Ryoga grinned wickedly. "Now that is so cool!"
Herb sighed.
"Thankyou for understanding, Ryoga."
"Herb, you're more than a boss. You're a friend."
Herb stared at the Japanese boy for several seconds. Then she realised.
It was true. Ryoga was definitely a friend.
"Let's go, Ryoga."
************************************
"Hmm... should be easy fixin' this cunt. His ass is gonna be history."
Ranko snorted. "You are so psycho, Ranma."
"Yeah. What's wrong with that? You never saw that fuckhead beatin' up little
kids ta make them give him their money."
"Ranma, you're getting overconfident here." Akane pointed out.
"Naw, I'm gettin' plenty PO'ed."
Nodoko frowned. "Remember that our family honour pivots on-"
"Can it, Mum." Ranma shoved his hand into his jacket and pulled out the GP35
Akane had given him.
"You see that? I fight ta win. Th' stakes are too fuckin' high not ta.
Honour ain't in it, Mum. I don't give a fuck about all that crap."
Nodoko stared at him. She looked like she was going into shock.
"I'm gonna rip Ratvespa in two. A couple of times he hospitalised little
kids with a baseball bat. So I'm gonna beat him till he's beggin' me ta kill
him." He shook his head. "Wonder who th' git with the Hardly Drivable was."
************************************
Half an hour later they figured out that Shampoo was nowhere in the house or
grounds. None of her stuff was gone.
Even her AK47 was still where she had left it. She had told nobody she was
leaving. Ranma got mad fast.
Just after he had phoned Dr. Tofu they heard a Harley engine pull up
outside.
Ranma grabbed the AK47 and they sprinted out the house.
He found the same youth as before, obviously waiting.
"Wadda you want, Bubba?"
"The name is Mortise. Mortise Tarou."
"Whatever. So, waddya want, Mortise Tarou?"
"I have another message for you. Apparently Ratvespa wasn't satisfied in
sending one message. He also seemed to believe your entire family would gang
up on him if he approached alone."
"Gang up on that little bully? Of course fuckin' not! I'd just rip his
fuckin' head off on my fuckin' own. Gimme th' fuckin' note already."
Mortise snorted and handed him the piece of paper - another old envelope.
"That kind of language is completely unnecessary, Saotome. And calling
Ratvespa a bully? Surely that is a case of the pot calling the kettle
black."
"I dunno what the little shit's been tellin' ya but it wuz bullshit. I ain't
the one who hospitalised an eight year old girl because she didn't give him
enough money and despite the fact she'd given him all o' her money."
Mortise frowned. "I find that hard to equate with Ratvespa. But be certain
that I will find the truth."
He kickstarted his bike and rode off. Ranma ripped the note open.
The next sound out of his throat was a bloodcurdling battle roar.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Akane took a step backwards.
"Ranma? What's wrong?"
"I am going to kneecap that little bastard!"
"What? What'd he do?"
Ranma handed her the note. She read it out loud.
"Saotome. To ensure that you do not cheat and bring allies, I have taken a
hostage - the Chinese girl Mortise said you seemed fond of. I look forwards
to slaughtering you for everything you ever did to me. Do not bring your
friends, your poofter brother, that over the top GSXR or any weapons or I
will slash her throat. Come immediately."
Ranma paused for several seconds.
"Right. I got my gun."
He glanced around. His eyes lit upon one of the almost finished bikes.
The bike he had been building for Shampoo.
"I guess I'll see ya later, Akane."
He jumped on to the machine, filled it's fuel tank and fired the engine then
rode off after Mortise.
************************************
Mortise pulled up outside the camp he was sharing with Ratvespa.
"That's it... hey, what's with the girl?"
Ratvespa looked up. Shampoo was tied firmly to a tree nearby.
"Oh, didn't you know? I decided to have a watch of Saotome. He was all over
these two chicks and I got this one with my last trank gun round while she
was walking to their training hall."
Shampoo gritted her teeth. "Ranma kill you for sure."
Mortise swung off his bike and started taking up his tent.
"Ratvespa, I'm ashamed of you. I am leaving and I do not know you any more."
A bellowing engine echoed through the woods.
"Sounds like a CB." Ratvespa remarked.
Mortise ignored him and continued methodically taking down his tent.
"You do not exist in my world any more, Ratvespa."
"Mortise? What's wrong? Don't you remember me helping you get your name
changed? I thought we were friends!"
"Shut up. I am not friends with animals, dog boy."
Ratvespa growled. At that moment a rusting CB500 with no lights, bodywork or
seat careered into the clearing.
"Hmm - you should have chosen a site by the metalled road."
Ratvespa glared at the figure on the bike. It was Ranma. He had no gloves or
helmet.
Ranma saw the indescribably ugly moped based thing and the massive man
beside it. He skidded his bike to a halt and pulled out a handgun.
"You're gonna die, Ratvespa!"
Ratvespa snorted and grabbed a large knife. "You think that thing can hurt
me? Your Chink babe's gonna pay the price!"
A hand clenched around his wrist. Mortise sneered at him.
"Drop the knife, dog boy. You're going to regret abusing my trust like
that." He glanced over at Ranma. "Take the lady and leave. Me and my former
friend have business to discuss."
Ranma shook his head. "No. I came here intendin' ta shoot that bastard and
I'm gonna do it now!"
He fired, clipping Ratvespa's shoulder. The huge man let out an angry yell.
"ARGH! You shit! You're gonna pay for this! And you, Mortise you traitor!"
Mortise snorted and threw him. A single handed throw that launched the other
man sixty feet.
"Take the girl and leave, Mr. Saotome." Mortise turned and freed Shampoo.
Ranma looked at her. "Let's get out of here."
She nodded. Ranma glanced at Mortise.
"If he's still alive when you've finished with him... tell him never to fuck
with a Saotome again. I didn't have time ta grab the M60."
"M60? As in machine gun?"
"Yeah."
************************************
Nabiki paused, leaning against the wall beside the door.
Her father and Genma were talking in low tones to one of the wedding guests.
"We really don't know what to do." That was Soun.
"It is as much your choice as mine, Mr. Tendo." That was the guest.
"Sir, I'm downright worried. More and more troublesome types keep getting
involved in all this." That was Genma.
"I know. First the strangers. Then Joketsuzo - I have had my eye on them for
some time. Ever since Kou Loun became their Matriarch."
Genma groaned. "Splinter groups. Splinter groups. Why are we the only ones
who get splinter groups?"
"Because we Saotome's have a tendency to be too bloody minded for our own
good?"
Soun laughed quietly. "Ranma sure is. No offence."
"None taken, Mr. Tendo. How is your daughter taking the interference of this
Amazon girl?"
Soun snorted. "We're in with an advantage there... Akane is bisexual and as
far as I've worked out she fancies Shampoo."
"Well, that's lucky. Hmm - be sure to tell me if Kou Loun or one of Szabo's
brood get involved in this."
Genma snorted. "We don't need to be worried about Szabo. She's dead for
good."
"Really? So someone managed to get the better of her?"
"Yes - a teenage boy she did. He was here earlier - delivering a challenge
letter to Ranma for one of his pals."
"So she bit off more than she could chew, huh? At last."
"At last. That decaying old bitch was a pain in the jugular for everyone."
The three men roared with laughter. Soun spoke next.
"I'm still worried about that Amazon. And my brother."
"What, the one who went Clanless?"
"Yes. Takesada. He's with the police and he's been keeping an eye on the
rest of us. Dad tried to warn him off but it was useless. His partner is
worse."
"What's his partner?"
"A mundane. Razor sharp mind."
"Oh great. What's his name?"
"Don't know. Takesada's real close - mouthed about him."
"Doesn't matter. I'll track down Takesada Tendo and warn him and his partner
to keep well clear of you. I've got enough political clout... Have any of
the children changed yet?"
"No, they haven't got a clue."
"It's soon going to be time to explain to them. Let me do the talking."
"Yes, sir."
Nabiki decided she was pushing her luck and slipped away.
Down she goes!
NOTES
Next - pickled monkey alert! Mortise's story!
Will Ryoga and Herb find the kettle? Dunno... yet.
C and C very welcome, please either send it to dog...@ratbike.org or post
it on rec.arts.anime.fandom (which seems to be the accepted route anyway.)
Please don't send it to the virgin.net account as I am about to change ISP.
"I'll be back." - The Bikeinator, Calum 慧oghead' Wallace.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's 経ff' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks
and the frame. Helps steady the steering.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.
Pootle / pootled - Riding along in no hurry and in a slightly aimless
fashion.