[Ranma][FanFic] The Taming of the Horse (part 5/6)

[Vincent Seifert]

This part 5 of 6 contains chapters 8-9]

The Taming of the Horse

a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seif...@csus.edu)

TotH webpage: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/index.htm

Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1998
by Takahashi Rumiko. Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan
Inc. Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc. This work
is not intended to infringe those rights.

~~~~~ Chapter 8: Mating ~~~~~

Encouraging breeding can be quite frustrating for the
equestrian... a stallion often appears to insist on his own
choice in mates, foiling the careful plans of the would-be
horse breeder even as he rejects the selection of mates made
available... Sometimes a healthy animal will refuse to breed
patience, as punishment is useless...

-- "The Taming of the Horse: An Equestrian's Guide"

"Kasumi?"

"Another chat, Akane? Oh, good. It's been so long since
the last one, I was afraid that your life had become boring!"
Kasumi laughed gently, picked up the tea caddy, and led her
sister to her room.

"So, what is it now?" Kasumi asked, once the door was closed
and they were seated with cups of hot tea. "Is everything all
right at school?"

"Oh, school is fine." Akane stared into the depths of her
cup. "It's much better than Furinkan. Even Ranma thinks so.
She-- he won't admit it, but he likes the teachers, and he loves
the gymnastics. His grades are up, and mine are holding."

"'She'?" Kasumi prodded gently.

Akane cursed herself for the slip. "For god's sake, don't
mention that to Ranma. He'd get really mad." She pondered.
"Maybe that's part of the problem."

"He's not behaving improperly towards you, is he?"

Akane laughed bitterly. "No. No, he isn't. And that
definitely is part of the problem. He looks at me like... like
I'm really special, but I practically have to hold up a big sign
to get him to hug or kiss me, and he won't go any farther than
that at all."

Kasumi sipped her tea. "Is that so bad? After all, you're
not married yet."

Akane blushed. "I'm not talking about that. I'm definitely
going to be a, a virgin when we marry, and if he knows what's
good for him, so will he. But sometimes I can barely keep my
hands off him, he's so... so..." Akane gave up. "Anyway, if he
feels that way about me, he's hiding it pretty well."

"Oh." Kasumi looked faintly embarrassed. "Well, some of
that is probably my fault, and I--"

"YOUR fault!?" Akane interrupted, heatedly. "What-- you
didn't--"

Kasumi waved her hands. "Nothing improper, I assure you,"
she said quickly.

Akane deflated. "Well, what, then?"

"As I was saying, some of that is my fault, and I have a
good idea about the rest. Well, months ago, when it became quite
clear that Ranma had feelings for you-- stop looking like a
goldfish out of water, Akane, and let me finish. Some months
ago, I had a talk with Ranma about you." Kasumi paused to see if
Akane had any more interruptions to offer, but Akane was still
looking stunned, so she continued. "I told him that you would
probably react badly if he made, er, physical advances on you,
and that he should let you set the pace there."

Akane found her voice. "Well, why the hell did you tell him
that?!"

"Goodness, you're sounding more like Ranma-kun all the
time," Kasumi remarked. "I told him that because it was true.
It probably still is."

*Control, control,* Akane thought. *Whatever she says.
Don't. Hit. Kasumi.*

Kasumi took the silence, give or take grinding teeth, as
permission to continue. "Listen to me, sister. Remember before
Ranma came? Those silly boys who attacked you every morning?"

"Yes!" Akane spat.

"What would have happened if one of them had defeated you?"

"Um... at best, he would have taken it as a license to... to
take liberties, and if he was good enough to defeat me, there was
a chance I couldn't have done much about it. At worst...."
Akane shuddered. "I don't want to think about it. That's why I
fought so hard, and hurt them so bad. I was scared to death."

"And when Ranma came, and you were suddenly engaged to a boy
who was so good that you couldn't even hit him unless he let
you...."

Akane saw where Kasumi was heading. "You're saying I was
scared of Ranma?"

"Not exactly. You feared loss of control. A very
reasonable fear, under the circumstances. But you came to trust
Ranma when it became clear that he would never use his superior
skills to force himself on you, and that he would always protect
you from anyone else. A remarkable young man, given his
upbringing."

"Yeah," Akane said dreamily.

"I simply explained this to him, in slightly different
terms. He understood immediately. Actually, he seemed quite
relieved. And then you came up with this horse-taming idea, and
it was obvious that you wanted to take, and keep, control of your
relationship with Ranma, which is entirely in keeping with the
finest traditions of our culture, so long as you never, ever let
the men-folk know."

Akane looked up at Kasumi's slightly roguish smile. "But
this means I'll always have to take the lead. I'll never know if
he really wants...."

Kasumi shook her head. "No, no. You're in control. You
may let out as much rein as you wish. Just don't get thrown,
because if you lose control, you will become afraid, and then you
will become angry, and then someone will get hurt... and training
with Ranma-sensei has given you great skill in the deadly arts."

"You're scaring me, Kasumi," Akane said quietly.

"Good. I suggest you talk to your sensei about that."

Akane shivered and nodded.

"Now, about the second part, I must be blunt. Ranma is very
confused about his sexuality, with excellent reason. My books
refer to ordinary transsexuals as confused, and my goodness, they
only do it once in a lifetime! Poor Ranma-kun is lucky if he
changes sex only once in a day!"

"'Confused'?"

"Oh, yes. That's one reason for him to have mostly
suppressed his sexuality. As a result, his sex drive appears
low. He does not respond to stimuli such as seeing nude women
the way a normal boy of his age would. He just, well, goes
through the motions, doing what he's been told he's supposed to
do."

Akane thought about it. "That's Ranma, all right," she
agreed. "What can I do about it?"

"Well, to begin with, you might stop calling him a pervert,
and you might stop punishing him every time he shows anything
that even looks like it might be a sex drive," Kasumi said dryly.

A blinding light seemed to burst over Akane. Dozens of
incidents whirled through her mind, each one involving at least
one young woman of varying enthusiasm, and every one ending in
pain of one kind or another for Ranma. "Oh, I've really been an
idiot," she breathed. "I've TRAINED him. Just like the book
says. Only this time I didn't mean to. Oh, damn."

"Quite," Kasumi said, "but look on the bright side. It's a
good thing the Neko-ken hasn't affected his sexuality, or you'd
be in real trouble."

Akane laughed, then thought about it and stopped laughing
abruptly.

"There's one other thing." Kasumi went quite pink and
looked down at her hands. "I'm not a professional," she said
slowly, choosing her words with great care. "I don't think there
are any professionals who would know what to do for Ranma. I am
not recommending this, mind you. It might do more harm than
good, I don't know. But you might not want to rule out the
possibility of... of making, ah, advances to Ranma in... in her
female form."

Akane met her sister's eyes. She didn't say anything. She
didn't have to. "Ah," Kasumi said carefully. "I see."

Akane's blush deepened. "I'm not a..." she explained
hastily. "I don't feel, um, that way about girls. Just... Just
Ranma. Sometimes. Sort of."

Kasumi's expression lightened. "Oh. Well, then. If you
are honest with him and yourself, it should all be all right."

"I hope so," Akane muttered. "It doesn't feel all right."

"You may wish to speak with your sensei about that, too."

~~~~~

Akane and Ranma ran into the Tendos' house, laughing, and
stopped to take off their shoes. Akane ran upstairs to change
into her gi, while Ranma headed for the kitchen. Kasumi met her
with kettle in hand. "I tried to stop them," Kasumi said in a
low voice, "but they wouldn't listen to me. I'm sorry, Ranma-
kun."

Ranma took the kettle slowly. "Stop who?" she asked warily.

Kasumi looked distraught. "Our fathers," she said, twisting
a corner of her apron. "Hurry up and change." She shooed Ranma
toward the bathroom. Ranma went, looking back over her shoulder.

Ranma came into the main room a couple of minutes later,
wearing his gi. Soun and Genma were sitting on the far side of
the table, looking stern. Ranma put his fists on his hips. "So,
what's up?" he asked in a challenging tone.

"Be respectful, boy," Genma told him. He ignored his son's
disgusted expression. "We've noticed that you've been getting
along with your iinazuke much better lately." Ranma's sinking
feeling was validated by his father's next words. "It's time to
plan another wedding."

"Hell if it is!" Ranma retorted. He folded his arms and
glared at the two men. "You been off my neck since the last
weddin', but I shoulda known it was too good to last. Why
can'tcha just leave us alone?"

"Don't you want to marry my daughter, Ranma-kun?" Soun asked
in a low, threatening tone. Ranma started to answer in the
negative from habit, but just couldn't bring himself to say the
lie. He tried to answer in the affirmative, and that wouldn't
come out either; it was too much like admitting defeat.

Ranma felt a hand on his shoulder and looked down into
Akane's eyes. "Want me to handle this?" she asked quietly.
Ranma nodded gratefully. Akane shifted her gaze to her father.
"He does want to marry me," she said evenly. "And I want to
marry him. SHUT UP!" she yelled over the beginning of the
celebration. Silence returned. Akane nodded in satisfaction at
her father's astonished expression. "Neither of us is ready yet.
We'll decide when we're ready, and then we'll tell you. All
right?"

"Now, Akane, we only want what's best for you," Soun began
in what he thought was a conciliatory manner. Ranma cringed,
anticipating an explosion.

Akane closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She looked up
at Ranma, read *Go get 'em, tomboy!* in his eyes, and looked back
at her father. "No, you want what's best for the Musabetsu
Kakuto. You're just lucky that what you want and what we want
are in the same direction. All you have to do is wait a while."

Soun blinked. "But why? You just said you both want to be
married--"

"I said we're not ready yet," Akane interrupted. "He's not
ready to be a husband. I'm not ready to be a wife. We need more
time."

Soun and Genma looked at each other and shrugged, baffled.
They looked back at the defiant couple. "You can work that out
once you're married," Genma said confidently.

"Yeah, right, like you're an example, Pops!" Ranma burst
out. Akane elbowed him.

"As I said the last time," Soun said, still trying to sound
reasonable, "we were just putting off another wedding until you
resolved your differences and cleared away any, ah,
entanglements. Clearly, you have resolved your differences...."
His eyes narrowed. "You HAVE detached yourself from those other
girls, haven't you, Ranma-kun?"

Ranma cringed and put his hand behind his head. "Uh,
sorta... well... the problem is, they, uh...."

"No," Akane summarized quietly, looking at the floor.

Soun's demon-head appeared. "WHAT?!"

Ranma stood his ground. "Hey, it ain't that simple!" he
cried. "Kodachi, I can just ignore, but what about Shampoo and
Ukyo? We ate Shampoo's prize in her village, and I beat her
twice-- even if I didn't know what I was doing, I'm still stuck
with it! My crazy old man made a promise to Ukyo and her dad,
an' took his yatai, and I'm stuck with that!"

"MARRY AKANE! NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!" Soun's demon-head
thundered.

Ranma looked unbearably frustrated and stuck his fingers in
his ears. *Jeez, I wish I had that thing Kasumi popped him
with....*

Akane stepped in front of Ranma and spread her arms. "Stop
it, Father!" The demon-head retreated. Ranma took his fingers
out of his ears and sighed.

Genma pushed his glasses up his nose. "I knew it was a
mistake to let you go to that girls' school," he said to Ranma.
"How can you let your iinazuke shield you from your
responsibilities? It's a good thing your mother can't see what's
become of her once-manly son."

Ranma went white and took a step forward. Genma recoiled
from the fury in his son's eyes, but before he could prepare to
defend himself, Ranma was gone, leaving a large hole in the
shoji.

"Oh, great," Akane said tightly. She glared at the two men.
"I spent MONTHS on him, and you just threw it away in a couple of
minutes." She leveled a finger at Soun. "I'm going to go try
and fix this. Stay the hell out of it." She turned a look of
pure contempt on Genma. "Manly, eh?" Her voice dropped to a
fierce whisper. "Does Nodoka-sama know what you're up to?" She
ignored Genma's abject cringe and looked at Kasumi, who was
hovering white-knuckled in the doorway. "Sister... wish me
luck." She ran through the shoji after Ranma.

Genma looked at Soun, whose head was back to its usual
appearance, give or take a look of shock. "Well, that could have
gone better," he remarked cautiously.

"Father! Oji-san, how could you?!" Soun and Genma looked
up at Kasumi's anguished face, and the magnitude of their error
slowly dawned on them. Kasumi whirled and vanished into the
kitchen. She reappeared a moment later. "I'm too upset to cook.
Supper will be rice and water," she said coldly. She vanished
again.

Soun burst into tears.

~~~~~

Akane leapt to the roof of the dojo. Ranma was there,
standing with his arms crossed, looking into the lowering sun
with a stern expression on his face. His hair was being blown
around a little by the breeze. It was such a stereotypically
manly pose that Akane had trouble suppressing a giggle. Then she
got a good look at his eyes, and her amusement vanished.

"I hate my life," Ranma said quietly.

"All of it?"

Ranma's eyes snapped to Akane's at the tone in her voice.
He winced. "Nah. I didn't mean it like that. If it wasn't for
you, I'd'a been outa here long since."

"Well, that's something." She sat on the roof beside him
and drew her knees up, glad she was wearing gi pants rather than
her uniform skirt. "It's the only life you've got, Ranma.
Hating it won't do you any good." He sighed, but didn't say
anything. "I'm sorry about our fathers," she said. "They took
me by surprise."

"They do that." He hesitated. "You did pretty good in
there."

"Well, you fight better than I do. I talk better than you
do. It seems fair."

"I guess."

"They can't get us married until we want to if we just stick
together, so don't worry about that."

"If you say so."

Akane turned and looked up at him. *The look on his
face....* "This is bigger than what just happened down there,
isn't it? More than the wedding, more than your parents, more
than your curse, maybe even more than us?"

"Uh... one by one, no, but all together, maybe." Suddenly
Ranma dropped to sit on the roof beside her. "Akane, I need to
tell you about some things, and I need you to help me, 'cause if
I just say 'em, you're gonna get all upset, and that ain't what I
mean to happen."

Akane's eyes widened. "Wow. This is a new approach for
you."

Ranma smirked. "Well, ya can't say I don't ever learn from
my mistakes." He sobered. "What they were sayin'... before Pops
said, uh, what he said... it was like they had this nice cage all
set up and they was shovin' me into it."

Akane frowned. "Well, if marrying me is a cage--!"

"Dammit, that's what I was talkin' about!" Ranma
interrupted. "I didn't say it right, and now you're mad!"

Akane controlled herself. *Darn. He's right.* "Sorry.
You were saying?"

Ranma eyed her warily before continuing. "I mean, they got
this future where we get married, and start teachin' at the dojo,
and have some kids, I guess, and... and that's it."

"What, isn't that enough?"

Ranma gestured helplessly. "It just seems kinda, I dunno,
empty."

Akane smiled suddenly. "Oh, I see what the problem is. You
have no imagination, Ranma."

"Huh?" He glared at her, affronted.

"Sure. Look, if you were to say something like that about
your future just before you came here, it would go something like
'you're going to get engaged to a nice girl and live with her
family for a year while you go to school.' Not a word in there
about spirits, monsters, surplus fiancees, seventy-seven
different kinds of martial artists, crazy teachers, Taro, the
Musk Dynasty, Ryugenzawa, Phoenix Mountain... shall I go on, or
have I made my point?"

"Uh...."

"While we get married and live at the dojo and teach and
raise children, I'm sure all kinds of other stuff is going to be
happening. I mean, look at the last month. Those funny monks
from Tibet thought Mousse was a reincarnated lama or llama or
something, Taro tried to bribe a new name out of Happosai with a
goddess' underwear-- boy, was she upset! It's a good thing her
sister was so nice. That idiot tried to con Konatsu, and Nabiki
had that plot to sell photos of your male form... oh, and your
mother bought a haunted rice-cooker. No, that was the month
before, wasn't it."

Ranma waved his hands. "I get it. Oh, man, and I thought I
had problems now...." He put his head in his hands.

"Problems? It's called Life, Ranma. You're not an ordinary
guy, and you're not going to have an ordinary life. This is it,
and now it's mine, too, and you can hate it if you want, but I'd
rather enjoy it, and I wish you would too."

"It don't feel like that," Ranma muttered to his knees.

Akane sighed in frustration, then got an idea. "Remember
when Shampoo hit me with the depression-tsubo, and you told me to
treat it like a battle? Remember what I told you about winning
your yin-yang battle by making up your own rules? You always
adapt, Ranma. I've never seen you in a situation you couldn't
figure out eventually, sometimes by turning everything upside-
down. What'll it take for you to adapt to your own life?"

"Uh...."

"Hey, I just watched you use the Saotome Secret Technique on
our fathers. It worked, too."

Ranma smiled, finally. "I guess it did. No way was I gonna
use the Crouching Tiger."

Akane laughed and clapped Ranma on the shoulder. "Come on,
we're missing our workout." She stood up, ran down the roof, and
jumped down. Ranma followed, still troubled.

~~~~~

Akane stepped back out of range and regarded Ranma with
concern. "What?" Ranma demanded, straightening from his stance.

Akane rotated her big toe on the dojo floor. "You're way
off your center, sensei."

Ranma grimaced. *Wish I could say she's wrong.* "Still
bubblin' in my head," he admitted.

"Want to talk about it?"

"No!" Ranma said automatically. Akane waited. "Uh...
maybe."

Akane looked around. The dojo doors were shut, and she was
quite sure that neither of their fathers would dare show their
faces for some time. She knelt in the center of the floor.
Ranma hesitated, then sat beside her, facing the other way. "The
'manly' thing again?" Akane said quietly.

"Sorta." Ranma didn't meet her eyes. "St. Hebereke's is
all right, but I'm still worried about bein' a girl so much. I
dunno. I'm real glad every day when the hot water hits and I
change back."

Akane bit her lip. "So am I." Greatly daring, she put her
hand out, slid it through the overlap of Ranma's gi, and touched
his chest. His flesh trembled under her hand. She looked up
into Ranma's eyes. *Fear?* "What's wrong, Ranma?"

Ranma's mouth quirked. He kept his voice low. "I don't
feel real manly when ya do that," he confessed.

Akane frowned, hurt. She retrieved her hand. "Well, sorry
for disappointing you," she began. "Maybe if Shampoo--" She
stopped. Ranma was shaking his head.

"Gaah." Ranma ran his hands through his hair. "You're
gettin' it all wrong again. Just forget it." He started to
stand up. Akane poked him hard behind the knee and he sat down
again suddenly.

"Sorry, Ranma. I'll listen."

Ranma glanced at her. "Well...." He sighed. "Look, what
would a 'man among men' do when you, uh, touched me like that?
I'm supposed ta grab you, kiss you, push you down on the floor,
and... uh...." He blushed.

Akane was feeling a bit warm herself. "So, um, why didn't
you?"

Ranma half-smiled. "Ya mean, besides I didn't wanna get
kicked through the ceiling?" He lost the smile. "Besides I
ain't about to do anythin' like that 'less I'm sure you want me
to?" He was visibly struggling for words, and as visibly gave
up. "I dunno."

Akane reached out and touched Ranma's chest again.
"Ranma... I'm certain that when the time comes, you'll be manly
enough for me." She took a breath and kept her eyes firmly on
the floor. "You know that time won't come until we're married.
But... if you want to get more, um, physical... I don't mind."
*My hair should catch fire any moment now.*

There was a moment of charged silence, and then Ranma
laughed a short, unhappy laugh. "I need to tell ya about a dream
I had last week. The night before that time you came up behind
me and hugged me and I jumped over the dojo." He paused. "I
was... we was startin' ta get, uh, physical, and I looked up, and
the ceilin' was gone, and there they was, lookin' down at us:
Happosai droolin', our fathers with cheerin' fans, my momma with
her katana, Nabiki with a camera an' a tape recorder... an'
Shampoo an' Ukyo an' Kodachi. An' I was, like, froze, and you
looked at me an' said...." She felt him shudder. "I can't say
it. I don't even wanna think it. But it was awful."

By this time Akane had both arms around Ranma. "I won't say
things like that any more," she said to his shoulder. "I
promise."

Ranma patted her carefully on the back. "You don't," he
said. "Not really. I dunno why ya did in the dream." He sighed
again. "Anyway, I looked down an' I was... I was a girl."

Akane winced. "Ouch. I can't tell you you're just being
silly, either. I'm tired of all the people watching us, too.
And I can see how your curse would mess up your feeling, um, that
way about me."

*Good thing I didn't mention P-chan.* "Yeah. Akane...."

Akane pulled back and looked at him. Ranma's expression
showed that he was struggling for words again. "What is it?" she
prompted gently.

"I, I do feel, uh, that way about ya, though. I've felt
that way for a long time."

Akane stared at him, wide-eyed. "You do? You have? Then
why didn't you ever...."

Ranma blushed. "Everything's just so complicated, even
without the curse. It was embarrassin', or... mmm... unwelcome,
or even dangerous. So I couldn't. So I didn't. I tried real
hard not ta even think about it."

Akane's perspective underwent a rapid rearrangement. *Not
fear! Control! Kasumi was wrong! And that means....* "Not
unwelcome," she whispered shyly.

Ranma relaxed a little. "Still embarrassin' an' dangerous,"
he said wryly. "But I guess mostly I needed you to say right out
it was okay. No way is my momma goin' to think that's manly."

"I'm getting really tired of that word." Akane sighed.
"Can't you just be, well, as Ranma as you can, and forget about
'manly'?" She knew as soon as she said it that it wouldn't do
any good. *He's too concerned with his image to think about his
self-image.*

Ranma was shaking his head again. "Not as long as Momma
still has her katana, I can't."

"I'll be really glad when I'm the one who gets to decide
whether you're manly or not," Akane muttered.

"I think maybe I will be too," Ranma said very quietly.

Akane twisted suddenly in Ranma's arms. "Really?!" She
knocked him over backwards, fell on top of him, and kissed him
ecstatically. "Oh, Ranma!"

"Now, see, if I'd done that, I'd be manly," Ranma explained
when he had his breath back.

Akane grinned, too happy to be offended. "Or flying," she
suggested.

Ranma smiled from the floor. "Tomboy."

Akane sat up and studied him. "Ranma, if you really want
to, we can get married as soon as you like."

"I, uh...."

Akane sighed. "Or not." She watched Ranma deflate a
little. "My father had one thing right, though. We need to
settle the other girls first. Can you do it?"

"Uh... I dunno."

"That means no." Akane considered. "You said you could
just ignore Kodachi."

"Yeah. And you could beat her easy if you had to. Ukyo...
I owe her. I can't give her what she wants, but I owe her
somethin'. I dunno what, though. You can beat her, too, unless
she gets the drop on ya. Shampoo's real dangerous. You might be
able to take her if you got lucky, or if she had a bad day, but
she's still a little better, uh, better at fightin' than you."

Akane felt a completely different warm glow begin.
"Really?" she breathed. "Wow."

Ranma sat up and looked at her, surprised. "Sure. I
thought ya knew. You're a lot better'n ya were before I started
trainin' you. But I don't wanna fight any of 'em." He stared at
his hands. "I want to be friends with 'em. 'Specially Ukyo."

Akane patted his shoulder. "I know." *You want to be
friends with everyone, and hardly anyone lets you,* she thought.
"Well, your father got you into this mess... maybe your mother
can get you out?"

"Maybe." Ranma sounded doubtful.

"Well, let's talk to her about it and see if she has any
ideas."

~~~~~

"Akane-chan! How nice of you to come by!" Nodoka said
happily. "Come, sit down!" She gestured to the table in the
Saotome's main room and went into the kitchen. Akane knelt at
one side of the table. Ranma sat next to her, looking nervous.
Nodoka came back in a minute with a teapot and cups and knelt
opposite them. "So, how are things?" she asked once the tea had
been poured.

Akane and Ranma glanced at each other. "Complicated," Akane
said tactfully. "That's why we're here, actually." She looked
around. "Um, is Saotome-no-ojisan here?"

"No, dear, he is out," Nodoka said. "Was there something
you wanted to see him about?"

Akane winced. "Well, actually--"

"What Akane don't, uh, doesn't want to say," Ranma
interjected, "is that this mess is Pops' fault and we don't want
him stickin' his face in while we're tryin' to fix it."

"Is that it, Akane-chan?"

Akane bit her lip and nodded. "We were hoping that you
might be able to help us find a solution. No one else has been
able to."

Nodoka studied them. "Well, I must say I'm honored by your
confidence, and I'm so glad that Ranma is finally bringing his
troubles to his mother, but what exactly is this problem?"

Akane and Ranma stared at each other for a long moment.
"Well, yesterday our fathers told us that since we're getting
along better it was time for another wedding," Akane began, "and
we told them that we wanted to marry each other but we weren't
quite ready yet. They wanted us to get married right away.
There was, um, an argument. It got pretty hot."

"I see," Nodoka said. She sipped from her cup and put it
down. "And of course your reasons were good enough to override
your fathers' wishes?"

Akane winced. *Naturally she'd see it that way....*

"Oh, yeah," Ranma said. "Remember the last wedding?"

Nodoka grimaced slightly. "It was a bit lively, wasn't it,"
she admitted.

"It was so lively that no one ended up married," Akane said
evenly. "One reason for that was Happosai and a cask of
Nannichuan water. The other reason is the one we need help with.
Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi."

"That's three reasons," Ranma pointed out helpfully. Akane
glared at him.

"I still don't see what the problem is," Nodoka said.
"Ranma, you will marry Akane-chan. Your other girlfriends will
simply have to accept that."

"I wish," Ranma said. "First off, Shampoo thinks I'm
already her husband, because by the laws of her village if an
outsider man defeats her, she has to marry him. Well, I beat her
in the village because Pops and I ate the prize for the
tournament she was in, so I had to beat her to win the
tournament." Ranma took a deep breath. "I was a girl then, so
she tried to kill me, but when she came here she found out I was
really a guy, and I defeated her again by accident, so she had to
marry me, but I wouldn't 'cause I was engaged to Akane, even
though Shampoo was cute and Akane was uncute-- ow!"

Nodoka was massaging her temples. "Go on," she said weakly.

Ranma rubbed his thigh, eyed Akane warily and took another
breath. "Ukyo's old man and mine made a deal. You know about
that. We took her yatai and left her, dammit. Honor has gotta
say that I-- we-- owe Ukyo something, but I can't marry her. I
don't want to marry her." Ranma looked down. "Ukyo doesn't know
that, though. She thinks I'm just marrying Akane because of the
arrangement."

"But you haven't actually lied to her, have you?" Nodoka
asked anxiously. "She just jumped to conclusions and you didn't
correct them?"

"I guess so, sorta," Ranma said, but he didn't lift his gaze
from his hands.

Nodoka relaxed. "Well, that's all right, then." She
paused. "Do you have anything to add to what I already know
about Kodachi?"

"I don't think so. She's mostly harmless if you don't sniff
her flowers or eat her cooking." Ranma didn't elaborate.
"Shampoo's dangerous, and she just doesn't give up. Ukyo's nice,
mostly, but sometimes she forgets she's nice, and she's pretty
good with those spatulas. Tryin' to dump 'em is just gonna get
me lumps, maybe worse, and might get Akane hurt, not to mention
walls and roofs and things."

"Hmm." Nodoka took another sip of tea and glanced at Akane.
"Well, I know what you should do, but I'm not sure Akane-chan
wants to hear this."

"Uh...." Ranma read doom in Akane's expression. "I'm not
about to try keepin' it secret from Akane, so you might as well
just say it, Momma."

Nodoka shrugged. "Very well, dear. There's no need to
'dump' them. You can keep them as concubines. A real man among
men should be able to satisfy more than one woman...." She
ignored the hairs springing out from Akane's head and the thump
as Ranma fell over sideways, lost in her visions of the future:

Nodoka sat chatting with Kodachi over an English-style
tea, holding a small pigtailed boy on her lap while, beyond
them, a nurse rocked a cradle. The boy clutched a small
bokken with a bow tied around it. On the wall was a framed
photo of Ranma in a tuxedo and Kodachi in a gown, with Ranma
holding an elbow out for Kodachi's hand.

In the room over the Ucchan, Ukyo held a baby in her
arms for Nodoka to coo over. On the wall was a framed photo
of Ukyo behind the grill, smiling at Ranma, who was sitting
in front of the grill, smiling at the camera, and holding up
two fingers.

Nodoka knelt to give a doll to a young girl with short
purple hair while Shampoo swung a boy toddler in circles.
On the wall of the Nekohanten was a framed photo of Ranma in
a ready stance, stripped to the waist and smiling grimly.

"Oh, so many grandchildren!" Nodoka whispered happily, while
Akane gritted her teeth and grabbed Ranma by the pigtail to haul
him back up to a sitting position. "Ow!" he started, but Akane's
glare quelled him instantly.

Nodoka's eyes refocused. "Eh? Is something wrong, Akane-
chan?"

"Nothing, Oba-sama. Nothing at all. We'll have to talk
about this some more sometime. Right now, I have matters to, um,
discuss with my fiance. If you'll excuse us?" Akane stood;
since she still had him by the pigtail, Ranma perforce stood as
well.

Nodoka ushered them out of the house, waved farewell, and
watched them run off down the street. She smiled fondly as she
turned to go back in. *Oh, Akane, you'll be so good for him.*

"Don't get any ideas," Akane growled when they were out of
earshot of the Saotome house.

"What the hell you talkin' about? You're the one who wanted
to take the mess to my mother! Sounds like she got enough ideas
to go around...." Akane stopped. Ranma ran on for a second
before he noticed that she wasn't beside him any more, and did a
hasty U-turn off a light pole to rejoin her. Her head was
lowered as he ran up. "Jeez, Akane, signal when you're gonna
stop... hey, whatsa matter?"

"Well, what do you THINK is the matter?!" Ranma couldn't
tell whether her voice was shaking with suppressed tears or fury,
and edged away from her a little just in case. Bad move. "So,
you're just going to RUN off to your MISTRESSES, huh?! Your
MOTHER said it was 'MANLY', so you're going to LEAVE your W-WIFE
all alone!"

Ranma looked around frantically and made shushing gestures.
"Argh! People are looking!" Another bad move.

"What, I'm not being DISCREET enough for a good wife? HEY,
EVERYBODY, THIS GUY HAS THREE CO-CONCUBINES AND WE AREN'T EVEN MA-
MARRIED YET!" Then the tears came. "BAKA!!" WHAM! Akane
recovered from her follow-through and fled for home, dripping.

Ranma sat up in the fresh crater, shook his head to chase
the little birdies away, and glared at the people pretending they
weren't watching. *Wow. I forgot how good her right was....*
He sighed, shook his head again for a different reason, and took
to the rooftops. He knew the route Akane would take; they'd just
about worn a groove in the pavement.

Akane ran around a corner she couldn't see clearly and right
into a pair of arms. "Let GO!" Strong arms.

"Not gonna," Ranma's voice said tiredly in her ear. "Hold
still." She felt herself being gathered up against Ranma's
chest, and then he jumped, and the street fell away, and
struggling free was no longer a good idea. Rooftop. Jump.
Rooftop. Jump. Tree. Stop. Somewhere in there her arms had
found their way around his neck, and she was actually in a pretty
good position to strangle him a good one, but for some reason she
didn't feel like it.

"I guess this will do," Ranma said, still with the same
tired note in his voice. He started to disentangle himself from
Akane, but her arms tightened, informing the tiny part of Saotome
Ranma that knew anything about women that strangling was still an
option. Among other things. He adjusted his position on the
tree branch and patiently endured the tears soaking his good
shirt.

Finally Akane sniffled and pulled back slightly. "So, um,
about Oba-sama's idea..." she began.

Ranma twitched. "It sucks," he said flatly. "Kuno'd be
after me with a real katana all the time, Shampoo'd never settle
for less than 'tai-tai', and...." His voice stopped for a
moment, and Akane started to worry again. "Shit, I hope she
don't suggest it to Ukyo," he resumed, "because I think she'd go
for it."

Akane waited, but more didn't seem to be forthcoming. "Is
that all? What about me?" She meant to put an edge in it, but
somehow it came out plaintive. She pushed back farther and
looked up at Ranma, who was doing an excellent impression of a
guy who'd rather be almost anywhere else.

"Mallets," Ranma blurted. "Tables, shinai, frying pans,
walls, floors, ceilings, stone lanterns... uh...." Akane
searched his face. Not quite the answer she'd been hoping for,
but it'd have to do. She smiled a little and laid her cheek
against his chest again. *Whew. I can't believe I got it right
that time.*

"What... what about you?" Akane said, muffled by his shirt.

"Uh... look, I gotta figure it'd be just like it is now,
'cept worse, and I don't think I can live through worse, and I
damn sure won't enjoy it."

"Won't you?" Akane said seductively. "Just think... four
girls, all trying to outdo each other for your favors...." She
meant it half as a joke, but suddenly she found herself sitting
on the tree branch with Ranma standing four feet away.

"Come off it, Akane," Ranma said roughly. "You keep callin'
me a pervert, but I ain't, and you know I ain't. I don't even
know if I want ONE girl! No way am I goin' ta try for four! Oh,
shit." Ranma slapped his hands over his mouth and goggled at
Akane. Akane stared at him, then put her forehead in her hand
and shook her head. Her shoulders were shaking. Ranma dared to
hope that she was laughing. She was.

Ranma relaxed, put his hands behind his head, and looked up
at the sky, keeping one eye on Akane. Akane stood up, took a
step out on the tree branch, and punched Ranma lightly in the
stomach. "What am I going to do with you, Saotome?" she said
fondly, and hugged him.

Ranma dropped his arms awkwardly around hers. "Uh... I
dunno. I guess you'll think of something. WHAAA!"

"KYAAA!"

Crash! Crash! Thump.

"Oof."

Ranma stuck his head up out of the bushes and reached down
to give Akane a hand up. "Tomorrow, we work on balance," he said
severely as he hauled her to her feet.

Akane cast her eyes downward, but she was smiling. "Hai,
sensei." Her foot lashed out, hooked, and returned, and Ranma
fell back into the bushes. For some reason Akane fell too.

"Aah! Get off, ya uncute-- no! Waa! Waha! Stoppit!"

"There?! You're ticklish THERE?! Oh, you're in for it
now!"

"Cutitout! Wah! I'm not kiddin'! Wahaha! Mmmpph."

Giggle.

"Not funny. Howja like it if I started lookin' for ticklish
spots on YOU?"

"...I dare you." The bushes rustled. "Mmm...."

"Not there, eh? How about here?"

"Mmmmmm. Oh, Ranma...."

The bushes stopped rustling. A sigh was heard. "How long
didja want to put off the wedding, again?"

"Well, that depends. How many girls do you want, again?"

"Dammit. I knew as soon as I said that I'd be hearin' it
for months.... One. Just one."

"Right answer... partner. Tickle me some more?"

~~~~~

Ukyo walked into the Nekohanten like a gunslinger walking
into a hostile saloon. The effect was spoiled when no one turned
to look at her. She racked her umbrella by the door and surveyed
the empty restaurant. "Anybody home?"

Mousse came out of the kitchen. "One?" he inquired,
blinking myopically as he approached.

"Well, actually, I'm here to see Shampoo," Ukyo said.

Mousse nodded. "Have a seat." He waved at the surfeit of
available chairs and went back into the kitchen. Shampoo came
out a moment later.

"Got your message," Ukyo told her. "What's up?"

"Need talk," Shampoo said, sitting at the table in the front
corner. "Sorry for ask you come here, but...." She hooked a
thumb at the afternoon rain falling outside.

Ukyo chuckled. "Yeah, I can see how that'd be a problem,"
she said, leaning her giant spatula against the table and seating
herself across from Shampoo. "So, what's so urgent? Ran-chan
got another date with Kodachi?"

Shampoo shot her a disgusted look. "No remind me. No, no
date. You see Ranma much?"

"No, dammit. Not since he started going to St. H. He comes
into Ucchan's every week or two, that's all, and usually with
Akane. You?"

Shampoo shook her head ruefully. "No. He no come
Nekohanten."

"Well, can't you go see him? You're out and about a lot
more than I am, what with not going to school, and having Mousse
and Cologne to run this place--" Ukyo suddenly realized she was
encouraging her rival and stopped.

Shampoo didn't notice. "I try go Kodachi school. They more
smart than palm-tree-head. They send bill to Nekohanten. Second
time, Great-grandmother order me no go there." Ukyo snickered,
but again Shampoo didn't notice. "I go Tendo Dojo. Nice woman
say Ranma no there. I go Ranma house. Ranma mother say sorry,
just left. I no find. This happen many time. This rain season,
too. You know about Ranma and cat...."

"But...." Ukyo considered. "What's going on, then?"

"I no know. I hope you know. If you no know, I-- we got
big problem."

"I don't know," Ukyo admitted. "He goes to St. H as a girl,
with Akane. He's sleeping at his mother's house. What goes on
in between, I'm not sure."

"He at dojo after school," Shampoo said. "He train with
Akane. He sometime eat at Tendo place, sometime at home. He
study with Akane. I see in window."

Ukyo and Shampoo stared at each other. "We got a big
problem, all right," Ukyo said.

"Akane." Shampoo nodded, her fears confirmed.

"It can't be," Ukyo declared, but her voice was less certain
than her words. "He's just hanging around her because his folks
and hers are making him do it."

Shampoo shrugged. "Maybe. One time I go Tendo place and
nice woman not there. Tendo father make demon-head at me. Other
time I try go in dojo when Akane and Ranma there, and Ranma
father attack me." She shuddered.

"Genma beat you up?!"

Shampoo shuddered again. "Worse. He CUDDLE me. Like
little child. His chin all scratchy. Was awful. I no try that
again." She collected herself. "Ranma mother nice, though. She
like me. She tell Ranma 'be nice to Shampoo'."

"Yeah, Nodoka-sama's sweet. She's nice to me, too. How she
got married to a loser like Genma, I'll never understand."

"He make strong son," Shampoo said firmly.

"I suppose," Ukyo acknowledged reluctantly. "Still--" She
shook her head. "Never mind that. So, why are you talking to me
about it?"

"We work together when things real bad, yes? I think things
real bad now." Shampoo brooded. "Akane and Ranma too close. He
no insult, she no hit. Very bad. Only good thing, Ranma no
really like girls yet--"

"What the hell are you babbling about?!" Ukyo interrupted.
"Of course Ran-chan likes girls. He's not a pervert."

"No, no." Shampoo waved a hand. "No pervert, just no man
yet. Still boy."

Ukyo stared in disbelief. "Bull. Why would you think
that?"

Shampoo shrugged. "I test. I rub up against, I lure with
body. He no get excited."

Ukyo snorted loudly. "Of all the conceited, arrogant...."

"No know word." Shampoo's glare indicated that she'd gotten
some of the meaning, though.

"Look, just because he's not following YOU around with his
tongue hanging out, doesn't mean he doesn't feel that way about
ANY girls!"

Shampoo eyed her. "How you know? He get excited for you?"

Ukyo blushed. "Not exactly, but.... Look, I'm sure, okay?"

"Hmph. No young man resist this body. But even when I go
Ranma bed in night, just lose sleep and get workout-- but wrong
kind." Shampoo looked frustrated.

Ukyo bit off a string of swear words and counted to ten.
"Ran-chan's not exactly an ordinary young man, you know," she
pointed out finally. "Maybe the curse made him... I don't
know... more choosy."

Shampoo regarded Ukyo from under her brows. "I almost think
you insult. You think Ranma choose flat-chest, big-waist, short-
hair food-waster? Over THIS?" Shampoo gestured at herself.

"He might, if he loves her!" Ukyo blurted.

Shampoo and Ukyo stared at each other in the echoing
silence. Finally Shampoo sagged a bit. "If you right, very very
big problem."

Ukyo was still kicking herself for saying something she
didn't even want to think. "Yeah. I haven't been able to get
away before because I have to run Ucchan's, and I didn't want to
chase after him the way you and Kodachi do, but now...." She
stood, picking up her spatula. "I'll go pay him-- them-- a visit
and see how things are. I'll get back to you."

Shampoo caught Ukyo's wrist as she passed. "You no fight
Akane."

Ukyo looked down at her. "What?"

"I warn. You fight Akane, you lose. Ranma train Akane.
Ranma train Akane good." Shampoo released Ukyo.

"You're out of your mind. I'm not going there to fight
anyway. See ya." Ukyo shouldered her spatula, retrieved her
umbrella, and walked out of the Nekohanten.

Shampoo sat where she was, looking troubled. She didn't
notice Mousse silently retreating out of earshot and going back
into the kitchen.

*Great-grandmother made a mistake,* Shampoo thought. *Ranma
learns so fast. She thought she was teaching him techniques...
but Ranma learned how she teaches. Now he's teaching Akane, and
those girls from school, like a master.* Her fist clenched. *He
is four treasures! Warrior, lover, father, and teacher! I can't
lose him! I can't! Not to HER!*

*Ukyo must be mistaken. Ranma can't possibly be ready for a
woman yet. How could he want a woman and not want me?* Ukyo's
words had cracked the shell of her blithe assumption, though, and
allowed a new and horrifying thought to creep in. *What if....
spirits of my ancestors, what if he has lain with her already,
and that's why they're so close now?! Oh, gods, he's been
resisting me like a faithful husband would!*

Shampoo stared out the front door, cursing the rain that
prevented her from being with her beloved, and trying to ignore
the terrible desperation that was welling up inside her: the fear
that she might already have lost.

~~~~~

Mousse slipped out the back door of the Nekohanten, deployed
his umbrella, and hurried though the rain. He stopped at a
public phone, picked up the handset, produced a coin, fed it to
the machine, and dialed a memorized number.

A staff reached past him and gently depressed the hookswitch
before Mousse heard the first ring. Mousse turned, still holding
the handset.

"Not this time, boy," Cologne told him. "It's been amusing
and instructive, but this has gone on long enough. It's time to
end it, one way or another."

~~~~~

As had become her habit, Kasumi came into the dojo where
Akane and Ranma were sparring, wearing her gi and carrying a tray
of drinks and snacks. She left the doors open to admit the cool,
moist air and the sound of the rain, moved into a corner, set the
tray down, and knelt to watch them.

The dojo echoed with kiais, the smack of flesh against
flesh, and the thump of bodies against wood. Ranma and Akane
jumped, kicked, punched, and spun around each other in a display
of agility and aggression which Kasumi's eyes had trouble
following. What she could see told her much about the Musabetsu
Kakuto that she did not know.

Suddenly, without a word or apparent signal, their dance
changed; the pace was still fast, but touches were feather-light
rather than brutal, and the sounds in the dojo were laughter,
giggles, and occasional shrieks. Kasumi smiled and continued to
watch intently as they played, springing nearly to the high
ceiling and bouncing off the walls, but never straying into the
corner where she sat.

Then they stopped, about two yards apart and facing each
other, and for a moment Kasumi thought they would bow to each
other. Instead, they each took a step forward, clasped each
others' hands at shoulder level, and lowered them to their sides.
Ranma bent his head down and touched his forehead to Akane's, and
they stood silently.

The silence was broken by a choked sob and the smack of
cardboard on wood. Akane and Ranma turned their heads and saw
Ukyo standing on the veranda, holding an umbrella. An
okonomiyaki box sat forgotten on the floor below her nerveless
right hand. Her face was ashen. She dropped the umbrella,
whirled, and vanished into the rain.

Ranma didn't even curse. He glanced at Akane. Akane read
his eyes. "Go," she said quickly. Ranma squeezed her fingers
for an instant and then dashed out of the dojo. Akane watched
him change as the rain hit him. Ranma tightened her waist
drawstring in mid-leap and was gone.

"I hope you did the right thing," Kasumi said.

Akane started and turned. "I hope so too." She shook her
head. "But I'm sure that not letting him go would have been a
wrong thing."

~~~~~

Ranma sprinted through the rain, cursing the wet roof-tiles,
but gaining rapidly on Ukyo, who was moving as if she couldn't
see clearly. Ukyo dropped to the street. Ranma followed. "Wait
up, Ucchan!" she called.

Ukyo whipped the spatula off her back and spun around.
Ranma dodged the razor edge as it cut viciously at her. "You
asshole bastard son of a bitch!" Ukyo yelled. "When were you
going to tell me, huh? When?" She attacked Ranma again, and
again Ranma evaded it. "You were supposed to choose me, damn
your tiny black heart!" Again and again the spatula hit only
raindrops. "You said I was the cute one! You said she was....
Stop squirming and let me pulp you like the cockroach you are!"

Ranma kept dodging, trying to keep Ukyo away from innocent
bystanders. "I'm really, really sorry, Ucchan--"

"DON'T CALL ME THAT, YOU LYING, HONORLESS SCUMSUCKER!!"

Ranma shut up and started taking hits, carefully avoiding
the spatula's edge. Ukyo's swings came slower and slower.
Finally she sagged to her knees, dropped the spatula, and buried
her face in her hands. Ranma squatted on the sidewalk nearby and
listened to the heartrending sounds.

Eventually Ukyo raised her head and looked at Ranma. "What
the hell are you still doing here, jackass?" she said without
heat.

Ranma wiped her bangs out of her eyes. "I'm here for you to
hit. I'm here for you to curse at. I'm here to hear anythin'
you want to say to me. I owe ya that much."

Ukyou shook her head. "You owe me a hell of a lot more than
that. You owe me you. Your slimeball of an old man promised me,
damn him for a gutter tramp thief and damn my father for a
gullible fool and damn me for trusting either of them, or you."

"I can't give you me, Ucc... Ukyo."

Ukyo laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I kinda figured that, after
what I just saw. You chose her. After everything, you chose
her. After all the lies, after all the protests, after all the
bruises, after all the free okonomiyaki, after ten awful years
and one pretty good one, you chose her." She pounded a fist
against the pavement, not hard enough to crack it. "I helped
Shampoo bust up your wedding because I thought you were being
trapped into it by your families. I really thought neither of
you wanted it. I thought I was doing you a favor. I thought
that if I was nice, and patient, and there, eventually you'd see
that I was the best one for you, and you'd choose me, and honor
would be satisfied, and we'd be... we'd be happy."

"Ukyo...."

"I gotta know something. When did you choose her? How long
ago was it?"

Ranma sagged. "I dunno. A long time. I didn't know myself
until Jusendo, when we were in China, just before the wedding. I
didn't know she wanted me until a couple of months ago, before we
started goin' ta St. Hebereke's. I'm really sorry."

"Save it," Ukyo said wearily. She sighed. "So that's what
the truth sounds like. Months. Before the wedding. A long
time. I should have known something was up when they didn't kick
you out of St. Hebereke's the first day. I don't see you at
school any more, and you don't come to Ucchan's much these days,
and I knew you were at the dojo in the afternoons, so I left
Konatsu minding the shop and brought you a snack so I could see
how you were.... You were.... Why didn't you tell me?!"

"I didn't wanna hurt--"

"Hurt?!" Ukyo interrupted. "What the hell do you think this
is, a picnic in the park? I hurt more now than I would've if
you'd told me then, and if you'd told me then maybe I wouldn't
hurt anymore, so the ONLY thing ANYONE gained by you not telling
me then is a few okonomiyaki, for YOU!"

Ranma bowed her rain-soaked head. "Yeah. I guess so."

Ukyo stared at her. "I really, really wish I felt like
beating on you some more."

"So do I." Ranma didn't lift her head. "I still owe you,
Ukyo. I can't marry you, but if there's anything I can do to
restore your honor without touchin' Akane's, I hope you'll tell
me about it, because I tried to think of something, and I
couldn't... but I know I couldn't have thought of everything."

Ukyo snorted. "I'm not gonna tell you to slit your belly."
She paused. "I wouldn't do that to Akane. She's always been
nicer to me than I expected, given that we had you between us. I
tried to hate her when I saw you two in the dojo, but... but I
couldn't. It was so right. It was just what I wanted for myself.
There was no way I could believe I had any chance at all after
seeing that." Ukyo stood up shakily. "So go back to her.
I'll... I'll wait some more. Maybe you'll come to your senses.
Maybe I will. Maybe something terrible will happen, and you'll
be glad of a second-string fiancee."

Ranma looked up, shocked. "Ukyo, I don't want you to do
that. You deserve--"

"It's not about what you want any more, Ranma," Ukyo
interrupted. "I'm doing what I want." She picked up her spatula
and walked away. Ranma watched Ukyo's upright figure fade into
the gray curtain of the rain, and was grateful for the raindrops
running down her cheeks.

~~~~~

Ranma trudged up the steps to the dojo veranda and stopped,
unwilling to drip water all over the wooden floor. Akane and
Kasumi were sitting inside the doors looking at her. Akane
dropped her cup and stood hastily. "Ranma, you look awful,"
Akane said, hugging her despite her sodden clothes.

"I feel awful," Ranma said in a dead voice.

"You're chilled," Akane said, stepping back and looking
Ranma over. "You're hurt. Let's get you into a hot bath and
I'll get the first-aid kit and you can tell me how it went--"

Ranma shook her head. "She knows how we are. She took it
bad. She was madder'n when she first came here. She knows we're
gonna get married, but she says she's gonna wait anyway. She
blames me an' Pops, not you." She turned away. "I'm goin' home
now. I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Ranma, wait, you're cold, you're hurt--"

Ranma spoke without turning back. "So's Ukyo, an' she don't
deserve it, and I do. I'll see ya tomorrow," she repeated, and
left.

Akane stamped her foot on the wet veranda. "Honestly!"

"He needs you to let him go again, Akane," Kasumi said.
"His conscience won't let you comfort him now."

Akane looked at her sister in annoyance. "Well, of course.
I can see that. I just... oooh!" She stamped her foot again.

Kasumi moved the tea tray aside and stood up. "Well, since
you're still feeling energetic, perhaps we can spar a little.
You can teach me a few of the things Ranma-kun has been teaching
you," she suggested calmly.

~~~~~

Ranma snapped awake in the middle of the night. Something
was sliding his window open. Something that moved just like....
"Akane? You're not here for, uh...."

Akane laughed once in the dark, not happily. "I wish. Get
up quick. I think Shampoo's trying to kill me for real this
time." Ranma was already at his dresser, putting his pants on
using Chinese speed techniques. "She broke into my room. I
fought her off and got out. I didn't want her to wreck our
house." Ranma dove out the window and swung up onto the roof.
Akane followed.

"So you brought her here? Great." Ranma looked around.
The rain had stopped hours ago, and Orion glittered in a clear
sky. Their breaths made puffs of fog in the chill air. He
spared a glance at Akane's torn pajamas, but she didn't appear to
be injured.

"Damn you, I was scared, Ranma! If Mousse hadn't showed up
and confused things, they might have caught me before I could get
away!"

"'They'?"

"Cologne was with her."

Something very cold materialized in the pit of Ranma's
stomach. "Oh. Oh, shit."

"...Yes. And blood. And maybe tears. What the hell do we
do now?"

"We wait for them to show up and we lead them away from
here, so they don't wreck MY house or hurt my momma lookin' for
us, then we beat their asses, partner. Battleground... hah.
Vacant lot, by the railroad, north. You know it?"

"I think so."

"Good. If we get separated, meet there." Ranma stopped
turning. "There they are." Akane felt his aura pulse up, colder
than the winter night. "Ready... go!" She went, flat out across
the rooftops, and knew Ranma was right behind her.

Akane dropped off the last roof and raced across the chosen
battleground. She stopped at the proper spot and turned. Ranma
turned with her. They watched Shampoo leap to the ground and
stalk forward, carrying her bonbori. Akane took up a defensive
posture, left hand out and right hand back, and sensed Ranma
matching her to her left. She concentrated and her aura flared
warm against her skin. She felt it flow up against Ranma's.
Air, heated on one side and cooled on the other, began to
circulate between them. *He's not starting a Niryu Totsu Ha,
though. Good.* She didn't think her concentration was quite up
to the Two Lunging Dragon Strike they'd been practicing.

Cologne and Mousse stopped twenty yards away. Shampoo came
on. She stopped ten yards away and stared in disbelief. Her
trained senses told her that she faced a single opponent with
four arms, four legs, two heads-- and one heart. Her face
contorted and she shrieked something in Chinese.

Mousse started forward and found his way blocked by
Cologne's staff. He snorted and started to push past. The staff
moved and his right arm went numb and limp. Mousse stopped and
stared at Cologne, but she wasn't even looking at him.

Shampoo recovered her Japanese. "That MY place by airen!"
she screamed. "Only I fight by Ranma side! You steal from
Joketsuzoku, you DIE! Ranma MINE!"

Akane said nothing. She knew she didn't have to.

Shampoo fought for control and spoke to Ranma, trying to
smile. "Airen. Why you choose her? I better fighter. I better
cook. I more pretty. I love you long-time. She all-time hit
you, talk mean you, poison you." She breathed hard, clouding the
air. "Airen, you come China now. Always good food, always good
fight, we have many fine child. I make you so, so happy all you
life." She breathed again. "Make you girl-form Joketsuzoku, you
not Joketsuzoku man, you get pri-vi-lege of woman, you learn many
secret thing."

Ranma spoke, his voice very sad. "I can't do that,
Shampoo."

Shampoo's false calm broke. "WHY?!" she shrieked. "WHY YOU
CHOOSE HER?!"

Akane sensed Ranma's shrug. "I don't know," he said. "But
I am hers."

Akane saw Shampoo's stance shift, and suppressed a sudden
trickle of fear as she realized what it meant. Then she saw
Ranma slide out in front of her. She felt the change in his aura
as Shampoo darted in, and with instant crystalline certainty she
knew what Ranma was about to do, and cried "DON'T!" She meshed
smoothly with the sweep of his leg and the strike of his arm,
deflected a passing bonbori, and registered Cologne blurring by.

Shampoo slid bonelessly to a stop on the brown grass and lay
still. Her bonbori rolled away. Ranma crouched, trembling
almost imperceptibly, still encased in an invisible shell of
cold, between Cologne and Akane.

Cologne ignored Ranma and spoke to Akane. "You have the
heart of a Joketsuzoku," she said calmly. She glanced at Ranma.
"And excellent influence on your mate."

Mousse dropped to his knees next to Shampoo and rolled her
over with his left arm. "She's alive," he said in wonder. His
glasses glittered. "I thought-- What happened?"

Cologne sighed. "You blind fool. Learn now if you ever
learn anything in your miserable life. She did something fatally
stupid. She tried to kill Akane with Ranma in the way. She
would be dead now if Akane hadn't told him not to kill her... for
which I thank you," she added to Akane.

"Sure," Akane muttered. "No problem." She wasn't about to
relax. She moved up next to Ranma and felt his stance shift to
accommodate her. Cologne watched them and shook her head in
admiration. "So now what?" Akane asked, trying not to sound
terrified.

Cologne shrugged. "Shampoo has failed." She looked at
Shampoo's limp form, now cradled as best Mousse could manage with
one arm. "Failed in wooing, failed in battle, and worst of all,
failed in judgment. Ah well, perhaps she'll have learned
something when she wakes up. Ukyo's news should not have
surprised her so much." She regarded Akane. "For now, we'll
take her back to China. If she gains some wisdom, perhaps we'll
be back."

Cologne gestured at Ranma, but continued to speak to Akane.
"I want him and his children for the tribe, but now I think I
want you and yours as well. If you grow tired of Japan, we would
welcome you to join our village, for what you have been, and what
you are, and what you may become."

Akane's aura vanished in her astonishment. She felt Ranma's
flicker. She found her voice. "Um, just out of curiosity, what
is Joketsuzoku law for two women who want the same man?"

Cologne smiled. "The council punishes them for creating a
disturbance over something so trivial."

"And if they still can't settle it?"

Cologne grinned. "There is a very large sword. Its name,
to you, would be 'Mansplitter'."

Akane tried to recall the foreign story. "And the woman who
gives up the man rather than have him, ah, split, gets him?"

"Oh, no. That would only work once. No, we just cut the
man in half. It's much simpler that way."

Akane stared in disbelief. "I ain't immigratin'," Ranma
muttered.

Cologne shook her head. "You youngsters. No sense of humor
at all. It was a JOKE, sonny." She hopped over to Mousse and
tapped him on the shoulder. Mousse flexed his right arm
carefully, tucked Shampoo's bonbori away in his robe, then picked
Shampoo up and stood. "Take her to the Nekohanten," Cologne
commanded. "I'll be along in a minute."

"Thank you," Mousse said to Akane and Ranma. "For... thank
you. I wish you every happiness together." He bowed slightly
over Shampoo, turned, and walked away.

"Ranma," Cologne said. She hopped closer and peered up at
him. "I have enjoyed teaching you, and watching you. I'll give
you a piece of advice which no one your age ever takes: don't
take life too seriously, hey? Be well."

"Thanks," Ranma said. "Uh... you're an old bat, but you're
a great old bat. I'll miss ya."

Cologne cackled. "You silver-tongued devil. If I were
fifty years younger...." She ignored Ranma's shudder and turned
to Akane. "Remember what I said, Akane. I think we will meet
again." She hopped after Mousse.

Akane watched her go, then turned to Ranma and embraced him
tightly. He hugged her back. "Let's go home," she said quietly.

"Sure. Your place or mine?"

"'You silver-tongued devil.'"

"Gaah."

"Mine. They're probably worried sick. With luck, your
mother doesn't even know you're gone." They started walking, arm
in arm. "Why on earth were you going to, to kill her?!"

"You were there. You heard Cologne. She was gonna kill
you. I wasn't gonna take the chance." Ranma hesitated. "Thanks
for stoppin' me, partner."

Akane squeezed his arm. "I'm glad I could."

"Me too." Ranma twitched restively. "I can't walk. I
gotta run or I'll go nuts."

Akane sighed and reluctantly let go of Ranma. "All right--
eek!" Ranma had scooped her up in his arms and now held her
cradled against his chest. "Warn me, baka," she said. Ranma
smiled, kissed her quickly, and leapt for the rooftops.

"Whee!"

"I ain't no rollercoaster, dammit! Quit wavin' yer arms in
the air!"

~~~~~

Ranma swung Akane to her feet outside the Tendo compound.
They stood and listened to the wailing and sobbing coming from
inside the brightly-lit house for a moment, then Akane shook her
head and started for the gate. "Uh, Akane...."

Akane turned. "Hm?"

Ranma licked his lips nervously. "Uh, I was wonderin' if...
I mean, before somethin' else happens... maybe it's time to get
married?"

Akane stiffened and stepped up in front of Ranma. "You know
what I'll say, Ranma," she whispered intensely. "You know what I
want to hear. Say it. Say it right."

Ranma chewed on his lower lip and nodded slowly. He closed
his eyes. Again, Akane felt the chilly caress of his aura. His
lips moved soundlessly. Suddenly his aura was warm, almost hot.
Ranma opened his eyes and gazed into Akane's. "Tendo Akane," he
said carefully, "I love you. Will you marry me?"

Akane felt her hands take hold of Ranma's tank-top, but her
eyes didn't leave his. "Saotome Ranma, I love you," she said.
Her aura flared, invisible, as warm as his. "For that reason,
and not for promises or honor, I will gladly marry you." She
rose to her tiptoes and kissed him, gently, tenderly. Ranma's
arms closed around her. Wisps of steam began to rise from the
damp pavement around them.

Akane dropped back to her heels, laid her cheek against
Ranma's chest, and slipped her arms around his waist. "I want to
go someplace where no-one will bother us," she said to his
shoulder, "but I guess we'd better go in and tell them we're
still alive... and some other things."

"Yeah... I guess so. Oh, jeez, we have exams tomorrow!"

Akane couldn't help it. She laughed. After a moment, Ranma
joined her. Still chuckling, he opened the gate, held it open
for her, and followed her in.

~~~~~ end of Mating ~~~~~

The Taming of the Horse

a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seif...@csus.edu)

TotH webpage: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/index.htm

Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1998
by Takahashi Rumiko. Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan
Inc. Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc. This work
is not intended to infringe those rights.

~~~~~ Chapter 9: Wedding ~~~~~

"Saotome!" Genma told Soun firmly.

"Tendo!" Soun told Genma firmly.

Nodoka sighed and turned away from the two men, who appeared
to have reached an impasse in the battle of wills over whether
Tendo Akane would become Saotome Akane or Saotome Ranma would
become Tendo Ranma. She looked at Ranma and Akane, who were
kneeling in the corner holding hands, looking at each other
sidelong, and blushing faintly. She made a "scoot" gesture at
them. Ranma picked it up in his peripheral vision and looked at
her. Akane looked where he was looking. Nodoka repeated the
gesture and smiled. They nodded in unison, got up quietly, and
sneaked out.

Nodoka turned her attention back to the two fathers, who
appeared to be holding a staring contest. She coughed politely.
"To summarize the last, rather tedious, hour of discussion," she
said, "Genma wishes Ranma to continue to hold the Saotome name,
as he is the eldest son-- in fact, the only Saotome child-- and
there are still two Tendo daughters to carry on the Tendo name.
Soun wishes the Tendo Dojo to remain the Tendo Dojo, and feels
that this requires Ranma to take the Tendo name when he is
married to Akane."

Genma and Soun stared at Nodoka. "Well, that's a gross
oversimplification--" Genma began.

Soun jumped in. "Definitely! Why, the matter of--"

Nodoka coughed again, less politely. "Since you are unable
to settle this amongst yourselves, it is clearly my duty to
resolve this situation." Soun looked crestfallen. Genma looked
like he would have raised his crest if he'd had one. Nodoka
acquired a slightly exasperated expression. "Don't jump to
conclusions, dear," she said to Genma. "I haven't decided yet.
I shall consider the matter. Alone," she added when the two men
opened their mouths. She rose gracefully to her feet and walked
out of the Tendo main room, carrying her wrapped katana.

Soun looked at Genma. Genma looked at Soun. "Well... I
suppose we can discuss the ceremony," Genma suggested. "I think
we should try the Shinto rite this time."

"There are many reasons to prefer the Western ceremony,"
Soun countered.

~~~~~

Akane led Ranma up to her room, closed the door, and sat on
her bed. Ranma stayed standing and looked out her window at the
night. "Whatta waste of time," he groused.

"Well, I can think of something better to do," Akane said.
Ranma looked at her. She smiled and patted the bed beside her.

Ranma looked apprehensive. "Uh... what if someone--"

"Don't you remember what your mother said?" Akane's voice
changed to a fair imitation of Nodoka's. "'Engaged couples can
do this! Engaged couples can do that! Engaged couples can do
whatever they like!' Right now, this half of this engaged couple
would like you to sit down here and snuggle a little."

Ranma rolled his eyes, but he smiled shyly, sat next to her,
and put his arm around her. "That's not what ya said then."

"Then was different," Akane said firmly, leaning up against
Ranma with a contented little sigh. "Now we're really engaged."

Ranma looked at his feet. "But I didn't give ya a ring or
nothin'--" Suddenly he found himself sprawled on the floor.
"Hey!"

Akane was standing over him with a look of mingled hurt and
fury. "You asked me to marry you! Now you're trying to wiggle
out of it! I should have KNOWN something like this would happen!"

Ranma had sprung to his feet and faced her, noses six inches
apart. "Dammit, that's not what I meant! I wanna marry you! I
just wanted to give you an engagement ring first!"

Akane opened her mouth to retort, and then his words
registered. Her eyes went wide and she threw her arms around his
neck. "Ranma, really?! I'm sorry! I thought you meant...."

"I know what ya thought I meant," Ranma grumbled. "I wish
you'd just gimme a chance ta explain sometimes."

"I said I was sorry," Akane said. She let go and pulled
Ranma back down to sit on the bed again. "It's just... after
everything that's happened... sometimes it's hard to believe you
really...."

"Yeah, me too," Ranma said. He resumed staring at his toes.
"It's just... it bugs me that there's no way I can afford ta give
ya a ring nice enough. The closest thing to a job I've had is
waitress at the Nekohanten. I couldn't take money from Momma or
Pops for somethin' like this, even if they had any. Hell, you
got the dojo for your dowry, and... I got nothin' ta bring ya."

Akane stared at him. *That's a lot of words out of Ranma
for one go....* "This isn't something you just thought of, is
it?" Ranma shook his head. "You do, too, have something to
bring me, Ranma. You." She squeezed his arm.

Ranma didn't look at her. "Well, maybe... but you bring
you, so that's a wash. I still feel like I'm short-changin' ya.
I remember how happy ya were about that stupid pill-box when ya
thought it was a ring."

"Well, it wasn't because I wanted a ring, you baka."
Akane's affectionate tone finally made Ranma look at her. "I was
happy because I thought it meant you really wanted to marry me."
Her gaze was very serious. "Ranma... a ring doesn't matter.
Your promise to marry me, because you want to... that's what
matters." She drew him in for a kiss.

Knock, knock.

"Who is it?!" Akane called, still sitting on the bed but
suddenly four feet from Ranma.

"Nodoka," a voice said from beyond the door. There was a
pause. "I can come back later if you're, ah, busy," the voice
said hopefully.

Akane blushed. "No, that's all right, come in," she said in
a rush.

Nodoka opened the door and came into the room. She took in
Ranma and Akane, sitting stiffly on opposite ends of the bed, and
smiled indulgently. "Well, if you're sure I'm not interrupting
anything," she said. Akane and Ranma shook their heads in
unison. Nodoka looked disappointed. "Well, then. I just came
to see how you two felt about this little name problem your
fathers seem to be stuck on. Ranma?"

Ranma shrugged. "Seems ta me that it's clan business," he
said. "It matters to you guys more than it does ta me. I'm not
gonna get bent outa shape about it either way." He looked at
Akane and smirked. "Of course, Saotome's a better name than
Tendo...."

Akane started a quick boil. "Ranma--"

"Hey, it's got more characters, don't it?" Ranma grinned.

Akane deflated a little, but stuck her tongue out at him on
principle. "Ba-a-ka."

"It's a pleasure to see you two get along so well," Nodoka
said, smiling. "How about you, Akane-chan?"

"Hm? Oh, I feel about the same way Ranma does," Akane said.
"The families will decide."

Nodoka's smile faded. "And, since your fathers can't agree,
that leaves it up to me," she said with a sigh. "Well, as long
as you're happy either way...." She turned to go.

Akane was struck by a sudden thought. "If you have a
moment, Oba-sama?" she said. Nodoka stopped and looked at her
questioningly. "I, um, there are some things I'd like to talk to
you about... since my mother's not...." She stopped and looked
down.

Nodoka nodded understandingly. "Of course. Ranma, be a
dear and run along, would you? Girl talk," she added when Ranma
looked rebellious at the dismissal.

Ranma's expression changed quickly. He left almost as
quickly. Nodoka closed the door and came to sit on the bed by
Akane. "Oba-sama," Akane began before Nodoka could start telling
her about the facts of life, "I might have something to say about
the names after all."

Nodoka looked at her, surprised. "Go on, dear."

Akane dithered. *How do I say this tactfully?* "Ranma
said... well... he said he was unhappy because he wanted to give
me an engagement ring, but couldn't afford one." She held up a
hand to forestall Nodoka's response and plunged ahead. "He's
also unhappy because I'm bringing the dojo to the marriage and
he, well, he thinks he's bringing nothing. I tried to tell him
that wasn't so, and even if it was, it didn't matter, but...."
She took a breath. "Maybe he'd feel better if he brought his
name to the marriage?" She twiddled her fingers, unwilling to
look up.

The silence stretched. "You are very wise, Akane-chan,"
Nodoka said finally. "And very generous. My son is fortunate to
have you." Akane blushed. "I'll go tell them we've made up our
minds," Nodoka said, rising. "You will be transferred to the
Saotome family register. However, I see no reason why the dojo
should not remain the Tendo Dojo. That should be an adequate
compromise."

"Oba-sama... you're pretty wise yourself."

Nodoka looked back at Akane and smiled. "Thank you, Akane-
chan."

~~~~~

"So, you said you had something to tell us?" Michi prompted
Akane as the six girls walked out the St. Hebereke gate. "Must
be pretty good, you've been practically glowing all day, and even
Ranma's been twitchy...."

Akane looked around carefully for eavesdroppers. "It's a
secret. Like the, um, the other one."

"Our lips are sealed," Junko told her. Michi nodded
excitedly.

"Well, we're engaged, right?" Akane began.

Michi's eyes widened. "Ooo! You've done it, haven't you?!
Cool! What was it like?"

Akane and Ranma both blushed. "No!" they said in unison.
"Well, not yet," Akane continued, still blushing. "We're getting
married this weekend. Tomorrow."

Her announcement was greeted with dead silence, four dropped
jaws, and eight wide eyes. "Good... grief," Junko said finally,
collecting herself. "I mean, I'm happy for you, but... what the
heck did you tell the school?"

Akane shrugged, smiling a little. "We told them we were
going to get married. The letters our parents sent sort of
implied that it was two weddings to two guys, though...."

Junko snickered. "Sure, that'll work. And that's what
we'll have to tell people." She glanced at the others. Sachiko
and Eriko nodded. Michi appeared to still be in shock.

Ranma stepped up in front of Michi and waved a hand back and
forth in front of her eyes, but got no response. "Jeez. What's
the matter with her?"

"Waaaah!" Michi cried suddenly, grabbing Ranma and hugging
her tightly. Ranma's pigtail stood straight out for a second,
then relaxed. She rolled her eyes at Akane, saw that Akane was
still smiling, and patted Michi on the back.

Michi let go of Ranma and hugged Akane the same way. "You
two are such a great couple," she said afterwards, wiping her
eyes.

Akane and Ranma glanced at each other and smiled a little.
"Well, we think so," Akane said, then looked apologetic. "Um...
we'd have invited you all to the wedding, but we're not inviting
anyone to the wedding. Family only. I'm sorry."

Michi pouted. "Rats." She brightened suddenly. "But we
can have a party to celebrate, can't we?"

"I'm really sorry. We can't even come to the Harlequin now.
We have to go home. There's so much to do...."

"Double rats. You mean this is IT? When we see you again,
you'll be wife and, er...."

"Husband," Ranma supplied with great restraint, but there
was no mistaking the glint in her eye.

"Yes," Akane replied. "We won't be in school Monday or
Tuesday, either." She blushed.

"Honeymoon," Sachiko said, nodding. "Well, enjoy
yourselves."

"Wow," Michi breathed. "Four days off from school, and, er,
him. I'm envious. It's enough to make me want to go find a man
myself."

"Like that's a big change," Junko said dryly.

~~~~~

A dark figure shot up past the eaves of the Tendo Dojo and
landed on the roof. A huddled shape, barely visible in the dim
glow of the streetlights, unfolded into another dark figure. The
two figures moved together, embraced, and separated to sit on the
sloping tiles.

"Are you ready for tomorrow, Ranma?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess. You?"

"I think so. I hope so. Speaking of ready, there's
something I need to talk to you about, and since there's this
silly tradition about the groom not seeing the bride before the
ceremony that Kasumi is convinced is why the last wedding was
such a fiasco--"

"Get to the point, willya?"

"What if our 'friends' show up to wreck the wedding again?"

"They get clobbered. Once was more'n enough. Besides, this
time it's just family."

"I like that answer, but there's one thing... if any of your
other girls show up, I want to be the one to clobber them."

"But--"

"I mean it, Ranma. It's a matter of honor."

"Dammit, Akane, I don't want you gettin' hurt! Not anytime,
but especially not tomorrow! And they ain't MY other girls!"

"I knew you'd say that... well, the first part, anyway.
Sensei, do you fear that you have not taught your student well
enough?"

"Uh... dammit. Quit twistin' what I say."

"Then stop twisting what you think! I can beat them! I
have to beat them! If I can't...."

"What?"

"...Never mind. I want your promise, your word of honor,
that if Ukyo or Kodachi attack me tomorrow, you'll let me fight
them."

"Damn. Akane--"

"Promise me!"

"If I do.... If I do, will you promise me that you'll let me
help if you think you're gonna get hurt?"

"If I think that? I... I guess that's fine. In fact,
that's smart."

"Crap. That's not what I meant to say."

"Ranma! Promise me!"

"...All right. But you better--"

"I promise too. What you said."

"Crap." Sigh. "You didn't mention Shampoo. If Shampoo
shows up...."

"I doubt she will, after what happened. But if she does, I
want you with me, because if she does, I think I'm going to get
hurt even if I win."

"Well, you're still sane, anyway. I was beginnin' ta
wonder."

"You're one to talk, baka. Well, I have to go in now; my
sisters and Nodoka-sama have an evening of girl-talk scheduled."

"You're lucky. Pops an' Tendo-san are waitin' for me at our
place. With bottles."

"Be strong, my hero." Giggle.

"Gaah. See ya, uh, tomorrow...." One of the dark figures
stood up and moved away slowly, as if reluctant to go. The
smaller figure stood as well.

"Come back here. I want a kiss before you go home. A good
one. For luck."

~~~~~

There was a quick knock on Akane's door, but before Kasumi
or Akane could answer, it opened and Nabiki slipped in. She
closed the door behind her. "They're just about ready down
there," she told them. "How's it going in here?"

"Almost done," Kasumi said as she worked on Akane's hair.
"My, she almost didn't fit into the gown any more, she's grown
that much since the last wedding."

"Just don't tell Ranma that," Akane grumbled. "The jerk
would say I grew sideways." She looked down at herself, then at
Nabiki. "So how do I look?"

Nabiki shrugged. "About the same as last time. Ranma-kun
won't know what hit him."

"Oh, yes, he will," Akane said absently. "Um, I mean, that
is... oh, never mind." She blushed a bit and tried to ignore her
sisters' laughter. "So, do you think it'll go all right this
time?"

"I'm sure everything will be fine," Kasumi said. She sighed
wistfully. "What a pity it's such a small wedding, though."

"Well, if you want a big wedding, you can have one
yourself," Akane said. "If you invite three hundred people to
your wedding, it'll be a festival of joy. If we'd invited three
hundred people, a hundred of them would be attacking Ranma, a
hundred would be attacking me, and the rest would be attacking
the other guests." She grimaced. "I've had enough of weddings.
I want to be married."

Nabiki grinned. "You want to get laid."

"Nabiki!" Kasumi exclaimed, scandalized.

"I DO NOT!" Akane yelled, blushing furiously.

Nabiki, unruffled, examined the ceiling. "Hey, I saw you
hanging on Nodoka's every word last night while she lectured you
on... how did she put it? 'The duties and pleasures of
marriage.' Don't worry. Unless more's wrong with Ranma than we
thought, you're going to get laid."

Akane took a step forward, fists clenched. Nabiki held her
hands up in mock defense. "Hey, I don't blame you. Ranma's a
hunk. With any luck, he'll turn out to be a stud, too." She
watched Akane suddenly glance at Kasumi, and was surprised when
Kasumi put a hand to her mouth and giggled. "What?"

"Oh, nothing," Kasumi said airily.

Nabiki eyed them with suspicion. "Right. Sure." She
looked at Akane. "So, have you thought about family planning?"

"Well, I talked to my doctor about it," Akane said slowly.
"I'm not, um, fertile for the next few days anyway, so--"

"You know the technical term for girls who rely on the
rhythm method, don't you?" Nabiki interrupted.

Akane frowned. "Of course. That's not the point." She got
a dreamy look on her face. "Part of me wants to have Ranma's
baby right away, and part of me wants to wait a while. I
couldn't decide, so I didn't. If it happens, it happens. If it
doesn't, I'll think about it again after the honeymoon."

Nabiki shook her head. "I think you're nuts, but that's no
surprise...."

"Well, I think it's sweet," Kasumi put in, "but have you
talked to Ranma-kun about this?"

Akane gave Kasumi a sharp look. "If he wants to control
his, um, fertility, he can darn well do something about it
himself. If he wants to have a say in mine, he can come talk to
me about it."

"This IS Ranma we're talking about, here," Nabiki pointed
out. The sisters exchanged a look and laughed together.

"Seriously," Kasumi said, "I doubt Ranma-kun understands
the, ah, biological details." She looked uncertainly at Akane.
"Um... if you like, I have books...."

Akane waved her hand and sighed. "I don't think they'd
help. Ranma wouldn't be interested in the biology ones, and the
only way he'd study a sex manual is if it was three hundred years
old and written in Chinese."

Kasumi nodded. "Yes, he does seem to have avoided that area
of knowledge quite carefully."

"Well, he's about to get run over by it," Nabiki said.

Akane joined in the laughter, but her thoughts were
troubled.

~~~~~

Nodoka followed the sound of shouting to the Tendo main
room. Genma came out as she approached. He shot her an
unreadable look and went past. Nodoka went into the room and saw
Ranma pacing back and forth in his white suit. The signs of the
previous fiasco were faintly visible on it despite the cleaners'
best efforts.

"Nervous, Ranma?"

"NO!" He subsided a little. "Well... maybe. Mad, more
like. Stupid ol' man...."

Nodoka sighed. "What is the matter now?"

"Nothin'. I say one little thing and I get a lecture on
duty an' honor an' promises... like he knows anythin' about any
of that stuff," Ranma said grumpily.

"If you'd prefer, I can give you that lecture," Nodoka said.

Ranma looked up and cringed a bit at the note of steel in
her voice. "No, Momma, that's all right."

"You do want to marry Akane-chan, don't you?"

Ranma looked down again. "Yeah. I guess. It was just...
easier last time. They knocked me out and stuffed me inta this
monkey suit, and as soon as I woke up stuff was happenin'...."

"...so you didn't have time to worry about it," Nodoka
completed.

"I guess. This time, there's all this fuss, and forms, and
that lame 'bachelor party' they threw last night-- Didja hear
what happened? Happosai shows up, and halfway through the third
bottle he yells something about 'exotic dancer' and the next
thing I know, I'm wearin' a bucket of water and Happosai's--" He
stopped short. "I got him good, though." He smirked. "I knew
better'n ta drink that stuff, it messes up your reflexes, and it
sure messed up his." Ranma sobered. "Jeez, I just wish I knew
if I was doin' the right thing. Everyone says so, but...."

"Akane-chan would be terribly hurt if you left her at the
altar," Nodoka pointed out. "It's one of the worst things that
can happen to a woman."

Ranma paled. "Yeah. She'd just kill me." He still looked
troubled.

"Ranma, leaving aside your fathers' agreement, you asked her
to marry you, and she accepted. It's too late for second
thoughts."

Ranma half-smiled. "Easy for you to say." He lost the
smile. "She says she's OK with marryin' a half-man, half-woman
freak, but--"

"You're not a freak, Ranma," Nodoka interrupted. "And your
manliness is adequate, and your curse is not your fault."

Ranma looked away. "If you say so--"

"Well, what do you want to do about it? Run away and never
come back?" Nodoka's voice was angry.

Ranma looked his mother in the eye. "If I thought Akane'd
be better off if I did that, I'd do that. I'm still thinkin'."

"That is NOT an option," Nodoka said firmly.

Ranma said nothing, but she could read his thought easily:
*The hell it's not.*

Nodoka eyed Ranma and sighed. "I'd hoped not to have to
tell you this," she said, "but you're actually married already."

Ranma goggled at her. "What?!"

"As far as the government is concerned, you've been married
since you signed those papers at town hall."

Ranma's jaw dropped. "But... it... they... she.... Well, I
don't FEEL married!" he said after he'd hauled it up again.

Nodoka smiled sentimentally. "That's what the ceremony's
for, dear. After the ceremony, I assure you you'll feel
married."

~~~~~

"The minister certainly looks... durable," Nodoka whispered
to Genma. She was wearing a fine kimono, and looked somewhat out
of place next to Genma's claw-hammer coat and loudly striped
trousers.

"I believe Soun said the man was a student of his some years
ago," Genma whispered back. "It seemed like a wise precaution
for the minister to know kempo--"

"Shh, we're starting," Nodoka hissed.

Nabiki pressed the Play button on her boom box. Da da da-
daaaaa... da DA da-daaaa....

Ranma turned in time to see Akane come into the dojo,
escorted by Soun, who had refused to let Nodoka talk him out of
wearing a gi for the occasion. Akane joined Ranma in front of
the minister, giving him an impish smile when she noticed that he
had a total of four sets of fingers crossed. "You better uncross
those before the vows," she whispered.

The minister cleared his throat loudly, and they quieted.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today--"

Splash!

"Wa-ha-ha-ha! Now there are TWO brides for this old man to
kiss!" Happosai exulted, dropping the bucket and leaping for
Ranma's chest.

Ranma did not waste time protesting. "HAMMER!" she
shrieked, flipping.

"ANVIL!" Akane yelled at the same moment, pivoting.

WHAM!

"...ouch..." Happosai mumbled before falling senseless.

Akane picked him up tenderly. "Oh, you poor dear," she
crooned. She took three steps out of the dojo and drop-kicked
the old man into the morning sky. "One down... or up."

"I see what you mean," the minister observed to Soun. Soun
nodded ruefully.

Ranma plucked ineffectually at her soggy white suit as Akane
came back inside. Kasumi was already bringing a kettle from the
row she had placed at the back of the dojo.

"...to unite this man, er...." The minister eyed Ranma and
stopped. Ranma gave him a long-suffering glance and shrugged.

There was a sudden tattoo of feet on the veranda and Kuno
Tatewaki skidded into view just outside the dojo doors, carrying
a katana in its scabbard. "Tendo Akane!" he began. His
slightly mad eyes tracked to Ranma. "Pig-tailed girl! Refrain
from...." He stopped. "Oh, rejoice, for the sorcerer Saotome
who holds you in thrall is gone! Doubtless he heard of my coming
and fled in fear of my puissance! Now you are free to wed me!"
He took a step forward and looked at Akane again. "But... alas!
I still cannot decide between you!"

"That's not a problem, Kuno-sempai," Akane said sweetly.

"No problem at all," Ranma agreed, cracking her knuckles.

"We'll BOTH hurt you." To the small audience, it appeared
that two white blurs spun around Kuno for a couple of moments
before resolving into Ranma and Akane, both facing outward from
Kuno on opposite sides of him. Kuno toppled forward, eyes still
open. Thud! Clatter!

Ranma picked up the katana and tossed it to Genma.
"Trophy," she said casually. Akane and Ranma picked Kuno up,
carried him out into the garden, and threw him over the dojo.

"Nice form," the minister said approvingly as Ranma and
Akane came back to stand before him. They blushed. Kasumi
poured hot water over Ranma. "Now, where was I... oh, yes, to
unite this man and this woman in the bonds of matrimony...."

~~~~~

Ranma cringed. *He's coming to the bad part.*

"... should anyone have a reason why this couple should not
be wed, let him speak now or forever hold his peace." The
congregation held their breaths. Soun motioned frantically for
the minister to continue.

"Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho!"

Ranma sighed and looked at Akane. Akane's fierce gaze met
his. "Mine."

Ranma nodded. "Yours."

They turned and watched Kodachi's entrance. "Ranma-sama
shall not wed this trollop!" Kodachi proclaimed. "I forbid it!
I shall wed him, in a far finer ceremony than this!"

Akane kicked off her slippers and moved out in front of
Ranma. "You can't have him," she said grimly. "He's mine."

A smile spread over Kodachi's face. "So, will you fight for
him, then?"

"You bet your blossoms I will," Akane told her. Ranma
smiled a little and watched Akane's open, casual stance, modified
slightly for the gown, shift slightly as Kodachi's ribbon
twirled. It flicked-- but Akane wasn't there. She went low and
slipped past the gymnast, lashing out with an open hand in
passing. Kodachi evaded the strike, but now Akane was between
her and the open ground. Ranma motioned the others inside the
dojo to move back against the walls.

Kodachi's ribbon struck again, but this time Akane seized it
easily, yanked it out of her hand, and discarded it. Akane
leapt, and Kodachi's dodge took her into the dojo. Akane glided
through the doorway as Kodachi produced a pair of clubs and
attacked. Akane blocked hard and countered; the clubs spun away,
but Kodachi had evaded her. Kodachi looked around wildly.

"Out of weapons?" Akane taunted. "Well, I'm not--" Kodachi
sprang, arcing to pass over Akane and reach the open. Akane
leapt on an opposed arc. They met just below the dojo ceiling.
Ranma winced and shook his head in sympathy. Kodachi landed
badly and rolled to her feet, holding her side. Akane landed
lightly and slithered right in without pausing. Kodachi tried to
back out of the trap of the doorway into the garden, but Akane
was faster. They met. The spectators clearly heard five strikes
hit home in under two seconds. Kodachi collapsed.

"Idiot," Akane muttered to her unconscious opponent. "I
wasn't using gymnastics rules." She picked up the ribbon and
Kodachi, then carried Kodachi over to one of the dojo posts and
used the ribbon to bind her there. She straightened and smiled
at Ranma. "Trophy. Or maybe trollop."

"Say, what's a trollop, anyway?" Ranma asked as she rejoined
him, brushing at her gown.

"Let's just say that I'm not one and she might be."

~~~~~

"I now pronounce you husband and wife. Kiss her, Ranma-san,
you've both earned it."

Ranma gazed down into Akane's eyes. His lips moved. She
read them easily: *Finally!* They kissed. Akane realized that
Ranma meant this public kiss to be short and dry, but she wasn't
about to put up with that. *I want fireworks, baka!* He
responded, reluctantly at first. The families cheered.

Ranma became aware that someone was pounding him on the
shoulder. "That's enough, boy, there'll be plenty of time for
that later. Come open the sake so we can drink your health."

Ranma blinked. "Sake? You mean drink your ill-health,
Pops." He let go of Akane and followed her to the cask of sake
with the hammer on top.

"Hold it," Nabiki said. "Let me get a picture first." She
waited for them to pose behind the cask. The flash flashed.

"Too bad it's not Nannichuan water," Ranma muttered.

"Bite your tongue. We had enough trouble," Akane muttered
back. She smiled for the families and picked up the hammer.
Ranma took it away from her and tossed it over his shoulder.
"What--?"

"We don't need that," Ranma said, smiling. "New tradition:
at martial arts weddings, we open the cask like this." He raised
his fist over the cask. She got the idea and matched him.

"TE--!" Crack!

Ranma ignored the beginnings of the celebratory drinking as
Kasumi brought out snacks and put them on the table. He noticed
something else. "What's this stuff, Kasumi?"

"Another part of the Western tradition... brother," she
said. "Gifts. The guest-money didn't work out too well for
anyone--" her eyes slid to Nabiki-- "last time, so I convinced
everyone to do this instead."

Ranma was still boggling a bit over Kasumi calling him
"brother". "So now what?"

"Well, you open them, or Akane opens them, or you both open
them," she said, gesturing vaguely. "They're all for both of
you, but some of them will be more for you, and some of them will
be more for Akane, I suppose. This one's from Happosai."

Ranma accepted the flat cardboard box gingerly and opened
it. "A... transparent... cloth... thing."

"I think it's a negligee," Akane said, blushing.

Ranma sniffed. "Whatever it is, it's a used one. Yuck."
He closed the box and put it under the table. "I wonder if he
meant it for me or for you," he said to Akane.

"You're welcome to it."

"This one's from me," Kasumi said, handing Akane a flat
package.

Akane stripped the paper off. "Oh. Um...." She looked
down at "The Taming of the Horse: An Equestrian's Guide" and
resisted the urge to brain her eldest sister with it.

"I knew you'd like your own copy of this book," Kasumi said,
smiling mischievously. "It's been out of print for a long time,
but I managed to find one."

"Thanks, Kasumi," Akane said with great restraint. *Someday
I'll get you for this,* her look promised. She sneaked a peek at
Ranma. *He's clueless. Good.*

"This one's from me," Nabiki said, giving Ranma a manila
envelope.

Ranma opened it and peered inside at a stack of paper.
"Thanks. I guess. Uh, what is it?"

"It's a business plan for the dojo," Nabiki said
impatiently. "Class schedules, tax forms, permit applications,
bookkeeping, advertising, everything."

"Thanks, Nabiki," Akane said, touched. "I'm sure this will
help a lot."

"Are you sure it'll work?" Ranma asked.

"Well, it got an A when I turned it in as an extra-credit
project," Nabiki said proudly.

"This one's from Father," Kasumi said, holding out an
envelope. Akane opened it and pulled out some papers.

"It's a honeymoon," Soun said. "There wasn't much money,
but Nabiki stretched it into 3 nights at an onsen in the
mountains, train fare, bus fare, and a little left over for meals
and things...."

"Thank you, Father!" Akane sang, hugging him. Her eyes met
Ranma's. *Anywhere but here....*

"Such a deal I got," Nabiki boasted. "You'll be amazed when
you get there."

"And your parents gave you the wedding rings, of course.
Oh, I almost forgot," Kasumi said. "Cologne gave me this before
they left and asked me to give it to you after you were married.
I guess that's now...."

Ranma carefully accepted a cylinder wrapped in heavy paper
with something written on it. He turned it around. "'Do not
open until after consummation.' Huh. What's 'consummation'?"
He looked around at a ring of red faces. "What?!"

"I'll explain later, Ranma," Akane said faintly.

"I'll just bet you will," Nabiki cracked. "Ouch!"

Akane looked closely at the tickets. "Eek! The train
leaves in an hour and a half! Ranma! Change! Pack! Now!" She
picked up her skirts and fled.

Ranma watched her go, shook his head, and sighed. "I gotta
teach her the secrets of Unrestricted Training Trip Packing." He
eyed the snack trays, but decided he couldn't get away with a
whole tray. He picked up two handfuls of sushi and followed
Akane without haste.

~~~~~

"I hope I got everything," Akane said to Ranma, putting down
her pack and sinking onto the train-station bench with a sigh.
She looked down at herself. "I don't look much like a bride, do
I?"

Ranma inspected her jeans, turtleneck shirt, and vest. "I
guess not. Ya look cute, though."

Akane looked up with a quick smile. "Really?" She saw
Ranma's faintly embarrassed look. *Really!*

Splash! Ting ting ting.... "Oops! Sorry about that!"

"Why me?" Ranma moaned, turning to give the careless flower-
waterer a dirty look. She suddenly looked panicked. "That
sound-- My ring!" She dropped to her knees and scrabbled under
the bench, emerging a moment later with a sigh of relief. She
wiped the gold circle off on her shirt and put it back on her
finger easily. Much too easily.

She looked at Akane. Akane looked at her. They both looked
at the ring. "Jeez, why didn't anyone think of this?" Ranma
lamented. "Of course this isn't gonna work-- I'll lose my
wedding ring every time I change!"

"I have an idea," Akane said slowly. "Here, I'll keep it
safe for you. You go find some hot water, and when you come back
I'll put it on you again, and this time it'll stay on." She
smiled at Ranma's puzzled look. "Just trust me. Go on!" Ranma
went on, not without a backward look.

When he came back, Akane had gotten a comb out of her pack.
"Sit down," she said. "Face the other way." Ranma obeyed.
Akane untied the cord that held his pigtail. "Hold still," she
said gently when Ranma stirred. She unbraided his hair, enjoying
the feel of it on her fingers. Akane combed Ranma's long hair,
then carefully divided it in three. She slipped the wedding ring
over the middle lock and pushed it up to nestle against his neck.
She rebraided his pigtail slowly, lovingly, ceremonially, and
tied it off.

Ranma reached up and felt his ring, secured at the base of
his pigtail by the hands of his wife. He turned and looked at
her. "It's good," he said.

~~~~~ end of Wedding ~~~~~

[end of part 5 of 6]