[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 book 02 chapter 03
Doghead Thirteen
Please give up on your completely unfounded accusations.
It's working. It's working. My writer's block seems to have taken a
hike. I just hope it keeps f*cking working...
Words in "{this}" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese. Those in
"[this]" are in wolf-speak.
Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend, book 2: Severed.
Chapter 3: Dream of mirrors
"Knife cuts through her skin, and your heart starts beating faster. You
feel the pressure within, as you look into her eyes" - Apoptygma
Berzerk, 'Deep Red'
"It didn't get any better when I woke up." - Xian Pu.
***********************************
The scream of gas turbine engines accompanied by the clatter of six
massive rotor blades sweeping through the air had become a familiar
noise nuisance in Nerima over the last two weeks.
Su giggled as the heavily armed camo-painted monster eased off the
ground. She had been terrified of the Hind D at first but quickly became
addicted to flying when Nabiki finally managed to persuade her into the
aircraft.
Nabiki grinned and shoved the throttle wide open.
***********************************
The purple-haired girl grimaced at the racket. A roaring, whistling
scream and rattle. She was sure she'd heard that noise before, but
couldn't find it's source.
The sound grew to an almost painful level before fading into the
distance as she peered around the filthy bog she found herself in.
She felt for her katana, but the blade was missing from it's customary
place at her side.
"Hello, Xian Pu."
She glanced round at the source of the voice. Her exact double stood
grinning at her.
"Who the hell are you?"
The other girl snorted at that. "I'm something your subconscious has
dreamed up to represent itself. This is after all a coma dream."
"You what?"
"You're unconscious, Xian Pu. Get used to it."
Shampoo looked around. "Okay, how the hell do I get out of here?"
"By waking up. Unfortunately that's like saying you can become immortal
by the simple expedient of forgetting to die. True but easier said than
done."
"You're not helping."
"You're on your own for this one."
The roaring sound returned; Shampoo glanced around.
"That's a Hind if ever I heard one."
She made up her mind and started walking towards where she could hear
the chopper from. The girl who claimed to be her subconscious followed
her.
"Okay, so what's all this slime about? My doubts or something?"
"What, you mean you don't remember the swamp outside Joketsuzo?"
"Oh yeah." Shampoo shuddered. The day she wandered into that self-same
swamp was one of the worst moments of her life. The helicopter sounds
were coming from where the village should be.
Shampoo smirked, grabbed a suitable lump of wood and started carefully
probing her way through the filthy bog.
"Look out world, I'm comin' home."
"As Ranma would put it."
"Shut up."
***********************************
"I assume Xian Pu's condition remains the same?"
Mao Xing nodded. "Hello, Mi Soon. No change... you early today."
John Kirth stepped into the room. "Yes, she's early and with good
reason."
"Huh?"
"Have another look at that electroencaphelograph, kid."
"Huh? Her brain activity-"
"Your sister is now in normal REM sleep."
Mao Xing stood up and headed for the door.
"I go tell Akane."
***********************************
"Exactly why are you trying to protect those fucking bastards Genma and
Ranma Saotome? You seem like a pleasent enough person."
Kasumi shot him a nasty look. "Like, cut the shit, man. Genma's a like,
hero and Ranma's kinda gonna be like, back, man."
"I'd advise you don't pray for the return of that little cretin Ranma.
It wouldn't be pretty if I got my hands on him."
"Blow it outta your like, ass, man. You'd have to kill every one of us
to get him. And we've all got like, 7.62 magic wands, man. You like,
fuck with Ranma and Genma and you kinda fuck with the lot of us, dig?
Now please be so like, kind as to *fuck off*."
"If that little shit Ranma comes back I'll find out, you hear me? He
can't hide from Ukyo Kounji!"
The door crashed open and Akane lurched through it, bouncing off the
doorframe as she passed. She had a Kalashnikov AK47 in each hand.
"Get the fuck out of my house, you worthless piece of shit!"
Ukyo stared at her. She had a bandage over one eye and was quite
obviously blind in the other - her pupil was grey and misty looking. She
glared sightlessly in his general direction and clumsily slid the gun's
safety catches to full auto.
Ukyo gulped. This scarfaced assault rifle toting person was blatantly as
mad as hell and ready to use those AK's even if she couldn't see where
the hell she was shooting. He grabbed Yukiko's arm.
"Let's get the hell *out*."
The door behind them crashed open.
"Akane! Xian Pu be waking up... am I catch you at bad time?"
The AK47's made a harsh metallic clatter as they hit the floor. Akane
let out an inarticulate moan. "Uahhhhh! Shampoo! Where is she?"
"You come with I, no?"
Akane seemed to go inactive and let Mao Xing lead her away.
Ukyo stared after her then glanced at Kasumi.
"What the hell was that about?"
Kasumi shot him another withering (if stoned) glare.
"Her girlfriend, fuckface. Shampoo's been in a like, coma for two weeks,
since before my little sister was like, blinded. Now fuck off."
"I know when I'm not wanted."
Ukyo gestured Yukiko to follow him as he headed out to his Land Rover.
***********************************
"Aye, it be a grand year fer taters."
Farmer Jones nodded his agreement. "Oo arr, that it do be. Though yon
cabbage don't be doing so good."
The two men were interrupted by the sound of a jet aircraft approaching
the nearby humpback bridge accompanied by a doppler scream of
"KUUUSSSO!"
A sixty foot fireball shot between the two men, the machine that was
causing it splattering them with mud and stray dung.
Farmer Murphy wiped the cow shit out of his beard and shook his head.
"Well bugger Oi down flat, they RAF be worse every year."
***********************************
Ryoga Hibiki gritted her teeth as the jetbike's wheels smashed back into
the ground. A humpback bridge on a motorway, leading directly to a
field? What the hell were those goddamn stupid Taiwanese playing at?
She swore as the jetbike's wheels nearly flew out of under her on the
cow shit saturated ground. There was a thud as the wheels found tarmac
again. A roadsign streaked past - a Japanese roadsign.
Maybe she wasn't in Taiwan after all.
***********************************
Lime's head snapped up from where he had been dozing in the sun at the
distinctive sound of a Rolls-Royce Allison gas turbine engine with added
afterburners and a wheel bolted to each end careering down the street at
Very High Speed (TM). He jumped to his feet with a yell.
"RYOGA!"
The speed mad and thoroughly lost transsexual catgirl in question
spotted the very broad form of one of her closest friends immediately;
she slammed on the brakes and let go of the throttle, bringing the
jetbike to a tyre-screaming, smoke belching halt beside him.
"Ryoga! I thought you were dead!"
"Who, me? Nah, you can't keep a good Hibiki down, man. Where's Herb?
Where's Mint? More to the point, where the fuck's Ranma?"
"Oh shit, you don't know."
Ryoga killed her bike's engine. "Don't know WHAT? Smack it to me, man."
"Ranma, Prince Herb and Mr. Tendo are all missing. Mint's dead, so's
Lord Saotome, so's Mr. Mortise. Mrs. Saotome's in the hospital, Xian Pu
and Genma are comatose, and Akane's in a bad way."
Ryoga dumped her lid. "What? Dad's gonna be alright ain't he? C'mon,
man, Dad ain't gonna die or somethin'!"
"I'm sorry, Ryoga. It's hard telling you, but..." Lime stopped and shook
his head.
"Genma's breathing through a hole in his chest you could fit your hand
through right now... he's in a real mess."
"Is Ranko okay?"
"Your sister's pretty messed up, she lost her memory in the battle."
"Crap. I gotta go see Ranma's mum... I'm all she's got left."
"Hang on a tick, I'll get my bike and show you the way, right?"
Ryoga stared uncomfortably at the ground.
"Yeah. You do that."
***********************************
"Mrs. Saotome, you have some visitors."
Nodoka looked up from the laptop Nabiki had leant her, hoping against
hope to see one of her children. Mi Soon had dropped in and told her
about Ranko's reappearance, but so far her vampire daughter hadn't come
to see her.
Instead she got a close second best as a certain young woman dressed in
tatty black motorbike leathers and a tight crop-top strode purposefully
through the door, accompanied by an exceedingly broad young man she
remembered seeing in the company of that Prince Herb character.
"Ryoga?"
"Hi, Nodoka. Thought I'd bring you this."
Ryoga casually handed over her katana. The Hibiki girl had obviously
spent some time cleaning the weapon - last time Nodoka had seen it it
was caked with blood and vampire dust.
Ryoga glared at her for a second.
"I know we never really gotten on, but you get well soon, huh? Ranko
needs you even if she doesn't remember anything much, you're her mother.
Dad's gonna be okay, he's real tough. And Ranma WILL be back. It's gonna
happen, then he'll straighten everything out the way he always does.
Things are gonna get a lot better round here and you better believe it.
Oh, and I brought this."
Ryoga handed her a set of keys. Taking pride of place on the keyring was
a large plain steel Kenworth ignition key.
"You're gonna be back behind the wheel of your rig, Nodoka. Mao Xing and
Moose have been fixing it up where it gotten bashed around in the
battle."
Nodoka stared at the ignition key for a moment then grinned at the stern
faced catgirl.
"Come here and give me a hug, Ryoga Hibiki."
Much to the surprise of both of them Ryoga didn't hesitate to.
***********************************
Shampoo swept a satisfied look around the village square. It wasn't
quite how she remembered it, but it would do. The helicopter noise had
faded out but now she could hear a steady beeping noise and some
mumblings. They were coming from all around her as the village started
to fade.
A mess of weird shapes and colours slowly resolved into a scarred face,
bandages wrapped over one eye and the other grey and sightlessly staring
at her. The tickling resolved into a dull pain at the back of her head
and somebody running their fingertips across her face. Her eyes were
full of crud.
She attempted to speak but all that would come out was a groan. Then she
recognised the owner of the scarred and bandaged face.
"Uhhhaaakane?"
Akane burst into tears.
***********************************
"Mrs. Saotome, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about.
You too, Ryoga."
Nodoka wagged a finger at Lime. "Oh for goodness sake, call me Nodoka.
Being called 'Mrs. Saotome' makes me feel like someone's grandmother."
"Um... okay... well, it's just I've gotten a hunch where Prince Herb and
Ranma are. And I normally get good hunches."
"Where?"
"To tell you that, there's a book I need."
Ryoga elbowed him in the ribs. "Okay, arsemaster. Where's this book at?"
"Back home, in our Grand Library."
"Then what the fuck you waiting for, man? Let's roll 'em!" Ryoga smacked
her fist into her open palm. "We gotta get Ranma back, and fucking fast.
If I know Akane she'll be going to fucking *bits* back there, man! Why
didn't you tell Mi Soon, you twat?"
"Well... actually, because Prince Herb's father stole it from the
Joketsuzoku around two hundred years ago. I thought she might still be
pissed about that."
"You dickhead! So what the fuck some dead guy nicked it, let's get ready
to roll out! Places to go, people to fuck up! I'll be back, Nodoka. And
I'll have this damn book with me when I come!"
Ryoga turned and strode out the room, a rather worried looking Lime hard
behind her. She fished a cigarette out of her pocket as they cleared the
hospital doors.
"Okay, man. Lead on, I'll be hard behind you."
"I gotta get some juice and we'd better tell Nabiki, let the usual
suspects know you're back before we do a bunk."
"Yeah whatever you fat bastard, just get your goddamn ass into gear,
OK?"
"Shit, Ryoga! There's no need to blow your-"
"GODDAMNIT, LIME YA FUCKHEAD! Look, I just found out my dad's half-dead
and you expect me to be fucking CALM?!?!" She put the startled Chinese
boy down. "I want my dad out the hospital and my little brother back
from wherever the hell he's got to, okay? And I want Herb back. Those
guys are about all I give a flying fuck about, and knowing they're stuck
fuck-knows-where HURTS. Get it?"
Lime nodded. "I do, Ryoga. You think I ain't worried about Prince Herb?
You think I ain't hurting about Mint? This shit is bad, Ryoga. Real bad.
I want to find those filth who killed my brother, and when I find them
they are going to suffer..."
"You and me both, Lime. Mint was a pro."
Lime blinked. He knew that was the highest compliment Ryoga ever paid
anyone.
"Let's get the hell out of here before I strangle someone."
***********************************
Akane was still crying when the distinctive howl of that jetbike
interrupted all sound within the building. Tyres screamed as the bikes
ground to a halt.
Akane's head snapped up. "Ryoga?
Mi Soon got to her feet. "Well I'll be a-"
The door nearly flew off it's hinges. Ryoga stormed into the room.
"So there you are you old- Holy crap, what happened to your face, Akane?
You look like you lost a headbutting contest with a bulldozer!"
Akane winced. "I got a closeup of a hand grenade."
"Sucks. Look, Lime figures he knows how to find out how to get Herb and
Ranma back. The fat fuck say's there's this book lurking in the Musk
fortress or whatever they've gotten that some dead guy nicked off the
Amazons a couple of hundred years ago and he figures it'll have what's
needed to get them back. We're going across there right fucking now and
nobody's gonna blow their goddamn lid about past fucking history, OK?"
***********************************
The Land-Rover juddered violently as it rattled over a railway
crossing. Both Ukyo and Yukiko had been very quiet since leaving Nerima.
They were thirty miles out before Ukyo finally spoke.
"Fuck."
"If you ask me we're lucky, Ukyo. We were going to mess with the biggest
shapeshifter clan on the planet, something that was bound to come back
and haunt us. I'm just worried about what Ranma's going to do if they
find him and what Genma's going to do when he comes out of that coma."
"If he comes back I'll be waiting for him and he'll wish he hadn't. I'm
going to get a place in Nerima and wait for the bastard."
"You're cracked. I figure there's nearly a thousand heavily armed Amerai
in that one district of Tokyo. And you saw the goddamn helicopter
gunship they've got sitting there. Like, Jesus Christ! Those Hinds have
as much firepower as half a tank platoon! You saw the news reports -
they had a raging gun battle down there. That wrecked tank was one of
theirs. They're in with the Self-Defence Force."
"I'll challenge Ranma to a duel."
"You are so naive! That only works in cheesy-chunk movies! Real people
fight dirty. Real people get their mates involved. I checked the
registrar of births, marriages and deaths. That blind girl's his wife,
and by the bulge forming in her middle she's pregnant. The guy's going
to be a father, he's got every reason to want to survive. So he'll gang
up on you with his mates, either that or shoot you."
"I'll decide what to do when the time comes. But I will be waiting for
that fucking bastard and I *will* get even with his sorry ass."
There was a roar of engines, the howl of a jet and a pair of black
motorbikes swept past the landrover, buffeting it with the wind of their
passage and nearly singing it with the massive fireball that was blowing
out of the rearmost bike's exhausts. Ukyo winced.
"Jesus, they're fairly shifting. I mean, we're doing 89... they must be
breaking the ton fifty mark!"
"I recognise that jet bike... it was in the SCC advert Dad spotted."
"One of Genma Saotome's bikes?"
"No. Ranma built it from scrapyard components... I gotta hand it to him,
he knows how to make a damn nice bike." Yukiko snorted. "If we don't end
up at war with them I think I'll get him to build me a crosser."
"I never really liked bikes."
"Bullshit, you loved Ranma's Gixer back when we were little kids. Don't
damn the machine because the rider's a shithead."
***********************************
Happosai strutted into the front porch of Mi Soon's house. The old woman
grinned at her lecherous son.
"Hello, boyo. You're looking smug today."
"I have every right to look smug! More to the point, I look like a cat
that has not so much got the cream as got the entire dairy herd!"
"That sounds thoroughly self-satisfied. So what brought that on?"
"Mum, after all these years... I FINALLY SCORED!"
Mi Soon burst out laughing. "You never do change, do you?"
"Why the hell would I want to change? I'm perfectly happy the way I am!
Damn, there's some foxy ladies go to that rock club! Look out world,
Happosai Saotome has discovered INDUSTRIAL!"
He suddenly and inexplicably started moshing. After he had headbanged to
inaudible speed metal for a few moments Mi Soon shooed him out the door.
"Go and hang out with Kasumi and Mu Tze, they're having an SPF1000
marathon."
"Rocking!"
Mi Soon watched him go. She shook her head.
"Well, it's about time that silly boy spent some time being young."
***********************************
Happosai homed in on the blare of industrial heavy metal music with a
wide grin on his face. He had excellent hearing and had caught what his
mother said just after he left the building. Musing on it he realised it
was true - he had gone straight from adolescent boy to disenchanted old
man without bothering with all that stuff in between.
He grinned. Time to make up for lost time.
***********************************
Thirty miles to the north it was pissing it down.
Rain lashed on the windscreen of Yamazaki's supercharged Mack
Freightmaster as the massive truck barrelled down the expressway. The
skinny Amerai trucker popped another cigarette into his mouth and
snapped his fingers, summoning a flash of fire to light up.
His hand dropped back to the gearshift and he changed up a gear as the
truck hit the sixteen mile downgrade into Tokyo from the north.
Yamazaki was worried. He hadn't heard from Nodoka since Amachi went and
got himself killed by that Kalashnikov-wielding psychotic Chinese
werewolf truck thief. Yamazaki was fully aware how much the hot-rodder
had meant to Nodoka. Add to that the rumours that were flying around
about raging gun battles in the Nerima suburbs, JGSDF mobilisations,
black helicopters and Amerai openly showing their nature off and you had
a situation which bore the label 'deep shit.'
So he was really worried. After all, what self-respecting werefox didn't
know who a Moroboshi was? All the signs pointed to supernatural
involvement in the developing Nerima situation, especially since Colonel
Eichii Honda was reputed to be involved in whatever the hell was going
on there. And that would mean Nodoka was definitely up to the eyeballs
in it.
Kenji Yamazaki had already been disowned by his family, divorced his
wife and lost all contact with his daughter. He didn't want to loose his
best friend as well.
He fished his crop-off AK47 out of the glove compartment and tucked it
down the back of his belt then reached down behind the driver's seat
with his left hand while keeping the rig on an even keel with his right
and extracted a razor sharp tanto which seemed to glitter with some
malevolent life of it's own.
"Hang on in there, Butch. Yama's comin'..."
And that's another one done with.
NOTES
Next - Yama getting a little upset and what happens with Ryoga's
quest...
Laters,
Calum 'Doghead' Wallace.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Artic - The UK term for a semi truck. Short for 'articulated lorry'.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off. Derived from 'bin' as in
'rubbish bin' (the British term for a trash can)
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil. Comes in a spray can and
looks a bit like snot.
Conrod (connecting rod) - The bit of metal that connects the piston to
the crankshaft. Shaped approximately like a flat dumbbell.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run
it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will
start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and
contracts.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back
wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on. Not to be
confused with the primary drive - the chain/sprocket or belt/pulleys
between the engine and gearbox.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to
aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower
boost.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes they make).
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars and some high performance
bikes.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much
of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability
stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke
engine.
Honda 250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the
CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.
Honda 500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier
frame.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show
it's age.
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the
ignition.
Kuso - As far as I know this is the Japanese translation of the word
'Shit'.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as
possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the
forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. A steering damper is
essential for disabled bikers who have lost the use of one arm as
without it there's no way you'd be able to steer at low speed or pull
away one armed.
Stocker - unmodified factory-built vehicle; I think this comes from the
term 'sales stock'.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Toby - An Inverness Collegeism; slang meaning something along the lines
of widget, gizmo or thingy. Derived from angling parlarance (toby = a
small wooden fish used as a lure.) May be related to the epithet 'Toby
Tishbein' and can be said 'Tobyracho' for no apparent reason. (I'm not
making this up! Honest!)
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as
triple clamps in the US.
JASDF - Japanese Air Self Defence Force. The Japanese air force.
JGSDF - Japanese Ground Self Defence Force. The ground forces arm of the
Japanese military.
JSDF - Japanese Self Defence Force. The collective Japanese armed
forces.
What likes - Slack Scottish grammar. Means something along the lines of
'please could you explain that'. Only considerably less posh.
Wheelie bin - a square green plastic trashcan about the size of a normal
bin, with a flip top and two wheels.