[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 8
Calum Wallace
I won't take responsibility for someone else's creation and you can't make
me!
Beware, this fic contains MAJOR quantities of swearing.
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Chapter 8: Calm before the Storm
"And the temple of love grows old and strong / But the wind blows stronger,
cold and long" - The Sisters of Mercy, ŚTemple of Love'
************************************
Ryoga's bike flashed across the outback, spewing a line of reddish dust from
it's rear tyre. She glanced back at the source of the pulsing blue light,
grimaced and hit the afterburners thus adding a huge fireball to the dust
cloud.
The two policemen in the pursuing cop car glanced at each other.
"Mad Max had nothing on this!"
Ryoga cranked her throttle wide open, let the scenery go into fast forwards
and left the pigs eating her dust.
************************************
The tall person in a cloak watched with visible interest as the massive
black jetbike pulled into the fuel station.
The biker (Ryoga, ok?) pulled off her skidlid and glanced around.
"Hmm - everything in Chinese."
"That is to be expected since this is China."
Ryoga looked round and grinned at the tall cloaked figure. "No offence, man
- it's just I got the world's worst sense of direction. Last thing I knew I
was in Australia - I think. After all, it was very dry and I roadkilled a
kangaroo."
"Erm - how the hell did you get here then?"
"Beats me. Beats me how I got to Australia from Japan via somewhere where
there were yaks. But I did. Yaks are kinda cool, huh?"
The cloaked person scratched his head. "Okay."
"I gave up being confused by it years ago - round about when my brother
built my bike. Being lost is fun now."
"Ahh, good old - fashioned wanderlust, huh?"
"Something like that - hey, there's always something new the other side of
the next rise."
"So, what nationality are you?"
"Japanese - as far as I an figure out. At least, Dad's always telling me I'm
Japanese and I guess he'd know."
The figure nodded thoughtfully. "Hmm. I happen to be looking to employ a
Japanese person."
"Yeah? What sorta work?"
"I am going over to Japan. I need someone who can tell me what not to do."
Ryoga nodded. "Well, I know a darn sight more about social manners than my
brother so I guess I can help... as long as I'm real careful to follow you."
************************************
Ranma sauntered back into the living room.
"Sorry about that - but when I need ta shit I need ta shit."
Akane grinned at him. "Wazzock."
He sat down. "Wazzock yerself. So - what wuz th' big news?"
Akane and Shampoo glanced at each other.
"We're both pregnant..."
They never expected Ranma's reaction.
************************************
Ryoga nodded slowly. "Okay - so what's your offer?"
"Five hundred US dollars a day."
"What about fuel and expenses?"
"Hmm."
"Tell you what - four hundred fifty a day plus food and fuel?"
The cloaked person paused, watching the fuel counter on the diesel pump tick
up. So far Ryoga had put sixty dollars worth in.
"Hmm - four hundred only, food and fuel covered."
"Make that four hundred and twenty-five and you've got a deal."
"Agreed." The cloaked person stuck his hand out and they shook on it.
************************************
"WHAT?"
Akane and Shampoo stared at Ranma as he went completely ballistic.
"For fuck sake that's all I need!"
"R-Ranma? What's wrong?"
Ranma stabbed an accusing finger at his father.
"Just look at the fuckup that fat git done on bringin' me up! That's what!"
He glared at the two older men. "You two fuckheads better wipe those smug
grins offa yer faces before I wipe Śem off with my boot!"
"Ranma, what so wrong?"
"What's wrong? What's fuckin' wrong? I'm fuckin' seventeen, that's what!
This is fuckin' stupid!" He stood up and snap kicked the door off it's
hinges then charged outside swearing.
Akane burst into tears.
************************************
Ryoga grinned at her new employer as he climbed onto a scruffy blue
trailbike.
"Let's hit the fucking road, Mr. Herb!"
He nodded, grinning back at her from under his cloak.
"You took the words straight out of my mouth, Ryoga."
He kickstarted his trailbike. Ryoga thumbed her jetbike into life and the
two of them thundered away out of the quiet little town, a sound like a
helicopter and a chainsaw blasting out of the two bike's engines.
************************************
Shampoo suddenly lost her cool. She spat a Cantonese swear word and charged
after Ranma.
"Ranma get back here!"
He glared at her from where he was now lubing his motorbike chain.
"Listen here, Shampoo-"
"No! Ranma listen to I! Akane think is best news ever - why you go spoil?"
"Because I think it's a fuckin' disaster!"
Shampoo tried to slap him. He caught her hand and gave her a dirty look.
"Why you be so thick, Ranma? Is best thing what be able for to happen!!"
Ranma let go of her wrist and put down his can of chain lube.
"Look, Shampoo. I've heard Dad mutterin' with Akane's dad a few times an' I
smell a rat. They've gotten some sorta plan fer me an' my kids - an' I don't
like that."
He stopped as he spotted a note sticking from under his bike's seat.
"What th' fuck?" He picked it up, unfolded it and read through. Then he
frowned and quietly read it out so Shampoo could hear.
"Ranma. Don't trust your father or Soun Tendo. I am on your side"
He and Shampoo glanced at each other.
"What th' fuck?"
"It look like handwriting of Nabiki."
"That it does."
************************************
Ryoga looked around the old farmhouse forecourt. Two trailbikes, as equally
massive and decrepit as Herb's, were sat outside. One was painted black
while the other was painted in a tiger stripe motif.
Ryoga looked them over.
"Interesting. Land Rover engines, right?"
Herb nodded. "Yeah. We build all our trailbikes around Land Rover turbo
diesel engines. Hell of a lot of grunt."
"My brother'd like those rigs - you should see his. Supercharged Suzuki
GSXR1100. Dad rides a bike with a Dodge V8 motor."
Herb whistled. "Nice. I gotta suggest that to Bush - he's our mechanic. I
don't think you'll meet him."
"Actually, Dad's kind of setup wouldn't work that well for you guys - it's
an in line mount so with that size of engine it's stupidly long. It's crap
off road but it rocks on decent roads. No offence but you haven't got many
of them round here."
Herb nodded thoughtfully. "A point. Come on inside - there's a couple of
guys I want you to meet. My... mates Mint and Lime."
They walked inside. Two figures were playing cards at a table in the corner.
"Hey, Mint - Lime - someone you gotta meet."
The duo spun round. "Huh?"
Ryoga looked at them. One was wearing a bear skin over a set of heavy
motorbike leathers. He was the widest shouldered person Ryoga had ever seen,
stocky to the point of being ludicrous. The second guy could only be
described as a beanpole. He had a massive quiff and was wearing what looked
like a tigerskin.
Both of them spotted Ryoga (Miss drop dead gorgeous catgirl) and went slack
jawed.
************************************
Ranma walked grimly into the bedroom he shared with Akane and Shampoo.
"Akane..."
She ignored him - she was laying on her bed and crying into her pillow.
Ranma sat down beside her and put his hand on her shoulder. "Akane... I'm
sorry"
************************************
Nabiki stared at her plate as Shampoo walked back in. The Chinese girl shot
her a thoughtful frown, sat down and resumed eating.
Several minutes passed before someone (Nodoko) plucked up the courage to ask
the pressing question.
"Where are Akane and Ranma?"
"They in bedroom."
"Er - any idea why Ranma blew his lid?"
Shampoo put her chopsticks down, pulled her Makarov out of her pocket,
loaded it and cocked it before putting it away.
"Is due to Genma and Soun."
"What?"
"Ranma not trust them."
Genma sat half up. "What the fuck does that mean?"
Shampoo put her hand back in her pocket and shot him a meaningful look.
"Maybe you is answer that. Why your heir not trust you? Why you men plot in
corner every day? House walls be thin."
Booted feet clumped down the stairs. Ranma came back into the room,
supporting Akane with one arm. He gave his father a nasty look then sat
down.
Genma glared at him. "Okay, boy. What gives?"
Ranma snorted. "Fuck you, lardarse."
There was a deadly silence as he resumed eating.
Nabiki rolled her eyes. Another day of family intrigue.
************************************
Ryoga grinned broadly at the two stuttering men.
"What's wrong? Cat got yer tongue? Ha ha."
Herb gritted his teeth. "You are the first woman either of them has ever
met."
Ryoga stopped waving her hand in front of their eyes and sniggered. She
glanced around, spotted a kettle and dumped half it's contents over her own
head.
He laughed loudly. "Wakey wakey boys!"
Herb whistled. "Jusenkyu, huh?"
"You know that place?"
"Very much so... but I was not aware of a spring that would result in a
catwoman... Or is it a combination?"
Ryoga nodded. "Yeah, this long - haired bespectacled git in a white
trenchcoat knocked me into Spring of Drowned Cat. So when the guide dude
told me what wuz going down I jumped into Spring of Drowned Girl."
"Er - if you don't mind me asking - why?"
"Well, it works better than a sex change, huh?"
"Ah - you're gender dysphoric, right?"
Ryoga nodded. "Yep. Sure am."
Lime frowned. "Er - what's that mean?"
"Means I was born male but I'm gay and always wanted to be a girl, see?"
"Oh."
"So, what's the plan?"
Herb chuckled and rubbed his hands together. "We catch a black market ferry
to Japan. The sea trip's about two days. From there it'll be five hours to
our meeting with my Yakuza pals - they're rigging fake plates for us - then
around three or four days scouting around before we find our target. I know
the rough area but not the exact location. Once we're back at the black
market port it's your payday, Ryoga. We'll split our paths there if you
like."
Ryoga nodded. "Near as makes no difference to me - waitaminute, would there
be any chance of stopping by Nerima on the way back?"
"What, Weirdo Central?"
"Yeah, my family live there. They're not lost."
Herb nodded. "Sure - it's directly between our target area and the ferry at
any rate. So I don't forsee any problems with that."
************************************
Kodachi limped carefully down the street. She heaved her duff leg over the
kerb and turned into the driveway of the compound marked ŚTendo dojo'.
Looking down said driveway she saw a large blue and chrome Kenworth, two
dirty flat black motorbikes, one rusty dark blue motorbike, a red Corvette
with a big supercharger and a massive heap of motorbike components. Ranma
was sitting beside the pile of bits working on a half assembled bike of
unknown origins and absent paintjob.
He looked up and shot her a weary grin.
"Hello, Kodachi. Ya wantin' ta go bike shoppin'?"
She nodded. "Indeed. It is a pleasent day and my provisional motorcycle
license has arrived."
"A-OK. Well, we might as well get rollin'. We'll get ya a skidlid, huh? D'ya
reckon ya got enoiugh dough fer leathers?"
Kodachi nodded again. "Money is the least of my worries."
Ranma stood up and held out a twistgrip throttle unit with a complex
arrangement of bar controlls - front brake lever, clutch lever and
switchgear - attached to it.
"Right. We fit this an' a steerin' damper ta th' bike ya decide ta buy an' I
spend five minutes ta rig th' clutch cable an' wirin' ta fit."
Kodachi grinned. "That easy?"
"Yeah - it's a piece o' piss ta set up. Ridin' is dead simple - the real
trick is clutch control. It'll be slightly trickier fer ya since ya gotta
learn one - handed. But what th' hell - it's a knack. Once ya learnt ya
never forget."
Kodachi nodded. "Yes... If you do not mind my enquiry, what are you
constructing?"
Ranma glanced at the pile of old junk. "That shit? I'm buildin' bikes fer
Akane an' Shampoo. I got heaps o' parts an' it's just a process o' sortin'
th' good from th' fucked. Like puttin' a jigsaw together but th' only
complete picture's in my head."
Kodachi laughed quietly. "And jigsaws are not transport."
Ranma roared with laughter. "Hahaha! Nice one! Okay, here's a lid - let's
head fer the bike shop an' sort ya out ya first ride, huh?"
************************************
Ryoga grinned cheerily as he and Herb's gang wheeled their bikes onto the
old tramp freighter. He lit up a smoke and examined his surroundings with
some interest.
"First time I've been on a boat."
Herb, Mint and Lime stared at him. "What? But you say you've been all over
the world!"
"Yeah. And your point is..."
"Er - how the hells did you get from- oh, you went on a plane, right?"
"How did I get from Japan to Australia to China without noticing? My brother
reckons I teleport without knowing it."
One of the crew - a woman in her early twenties - winked at him. "Hello
gorgeous"
Ryoga glared at her. He sensed an attempt to hit on him "Excuse me, I'm
homosexual."
She blushed. "Oh. Sorry."
A large man (fellow crewmember) bellowed with laughter. "Don't you worry,
laddie. Maria hit's on any bloke in sight!"
Ryoga shrugged, ignoring the man. "Next time, make sure the guy's gonna be
interested first."
He turned and started lubing his motorbike chain - the traditional
Saotome-Hibiki way of saying ŚThe conversation is now over.'
Maria and her crewmate glanced at each other.
"I think we'll teach that kid a lesson in manners..."
Ryoga stood up and picked his bike up with one hand then put it back down a
bit further away from them. "Hey, Herb - you'll be able to park in this
gap."
"Thanks, Ryoga. I was going to get Lime to shift his bike."
Maria glanced at her oversize crewmate, shrugged and turned to hit on the
nearest available non - crew male. In other words Mint.
She ended up having a threesome with him and Lime.
************************************
"So, what model of motorcycle would you advise me to choose?"
Ranma frowned for a moment then tapped one of the gleamingly new bikes.
"Suzuki Bandit 600. Real hardware but not too much ta handle as yer first
bike. Here - mister - can Kodachi see how this machine's gonna fit her?"
The bike dealer nodded. "Yes, feel free."
Kodachi smiled. "Thankyou, sir."
Ranma expertly lifted the bike off it's centrestand. "Hmm, same bar diametre
as the control unit I rigged fer ya. Here, see how it feels."
Kodachi carefully swung her leg over the bike and sat down. She placed her
hand on the throttle.
Suddenly life didn't seem so bad after all. She grinned.
Ranma nodded. "Fits like it wuz made fer ya."
The dealer grinned. "Hey, tough chick! Rock on! What colour would you like?"
Kodachi's grin widened. "There is only one colour that would suit - black."
Ranma chortled. "Only one colour fer a bike - black. Choice o' flat or
gloss."
"Would you like to give it a test ride, madam?"
Kodachi sighed. "I cannot."
Ranma pulled the one handed bar controls out of his pocket. "She's gotten a
duff left hand, see? So we'll be needin' a steerin' damper."
"Have you joined JABD yet, ma'am?"
Kodachi nodded. "Indeed."
The dealer chuckled. "Oh well. I was gonna give you a leaflet."
Ranma grinned. "I already gave her one. Dad's involved in a lotta JABD
fundraisin' work, see?"
"Ah... Right, a steering damper. This way, please."
Ranma showed Kodachi how to work the sidestand then they followed the man
over to the display of aftermarket parts.
************************************
Half an hour later Ranma was yelling across incouragement as Kodachi went
through her first motorbike driving lesson.
"Try ta keep the revs up a tad more as yer pullin' away, Kodachi! That's
better!"
The instructor frowned at him. "Excuse me -am I teaching her or are you?"
Ranma replied in a low voice. "She's a good friend an' she wuz near suicidal
before I set this rollin'. She did in her leg an' got a parylised hand in a
beach buggy crash - broken axle."
"Ah. Parylised hand - partial is it?"
Ranma considered the way Kodachi had her left hand hooked on the left
handlebar grip. "Nah - she's just hooked her left mitt onta th' bar. That's
why I added th' steel loop ta help hold her hand on. Makes it easier fer her
ta steer at low speed an' hold on at high speed."
************************************
Kuno tossed his porno under his bed and sprinted to the window as a
deafening motorbike engine thundered up the drive.
Much to his surprise he found himself looking at two bikes - Ranma's machine
and a gleaming black Bandit 600. He gasped as he recognised the second
biker.
He sprinted down to the door and opened it for them. Ranma shot him a
cheerful grin. Much to his amazement so did Kodachi.
"Sister dear! What has been going on?"
Kodachi grinned lazily. "Ranma Saotome has been assisting me in a something
I have dreamt of since just after my accident. How do you like my
motorbike?"
Kuno stared. "But - your hand?"
Ranma laughed. "Th' throttle, clutch, front brake an' switchgear are all on
th' right bar. I rigged th' new bar controls fer her."
Kodachi nodded. "Do come in, Ranma."
"Sorry ta refuse, but I gotta dash. Akane an' Shampoo'll be wonderin' where
I gotten ta, see?"
Kodachi waved him goodbye with a bittersweet look on her face.
She sighed. "That is so typical of my ill fortune - I meet Mr. Right and he
is taken. Oh well - life goes on."
Kuno stared at her. "You fancy HIM?"
************************************
All that afternoon and evening Kuno noticed how high spirits his sister was
in. She hummed happily to herself, put on her old favourite music and limped
around the house looking almost her old self.
Kuno realised he was having serious doubts about his plan to wreck Ranma and
Akane's wedding. If Ranma had healed Kodachi's spirits, maybe the hairy boy
was not all bad.
He sat and stared at his katana. "How can I tangle with someone to whom I
owe so much? Yet how can I not tangle with that creature Akane Tendo?
AARGH!!!"
************************************
The red haired girl gunned her ramshackle bike's engine happily. It let out
that timeless Harley Davidson Śchug chug chug' from it's shattered exhausts.
She caught a glimpse of a large leather - clad figure swinging onto a
massive flat black motorbike.
The words on the back of his leather jacket registered as she was peering at
the unweildy machine trying to work out what sort of bike it was.
She did a violent double take. A name. Genma Saotome.
She went after him but he obviousley though she was trying to race him and
vanished on the front of a huge cloud of dust.
Whatever that big ugly ratbike was it was FAST.
that's it for this one, people.
NOTES
Next - Kuno's wedding trashing - will he or won't he? Who is the redhead
with the Harley? What's gonna happen to Ryoga?
And who all's gonna be at the wedding?
You'll just have to wait for Episode 9 to find out.
C and C very welcome, please either send it to dog...@ratbike.org or post
it on rec.arts.anime.fandom (which seems to be the accepted route anyway.)
Please don't send it to the virgin.net account as I am about to change ISP.
Like, later cats. I've got an episode to write.
Calum Śdoghead' Wallace
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's Śoff' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks
and the frame. Helps steady the steering.