[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 17
Calum Wallace
You must be getting bored of trying to make me say it's my fault.
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Chapter 17: This Time It's War!
"It's not a matter of right, it's just a matter of war" - Ministry, 'Hero'
************************************
Ranma swung onto his bike. He was a lot glad to get clear of the ship.
"Okay, everyone! We've been talkin' about this fer three days - let's do
it!"
A polite cough came from behind them.
"Excuse me, guys. But I'm coming with you."
John Kirth stood there with a sly grin on his face. He was dressed in padded
jeans, an Ogri T-shirt and a black leather jacket.
He had an open face skidlid under his arm and was standing beside a somewhat
heavily used looking Kawasaki motocross bike.
Ranma stared at him for a moment. "You gotten a weapon?"
John snorted. He snapped his hands out and there was suddenly a .50 Desert
Eagle clenched in each hand.
"Silver slugs tipped with a hollow compartment - thin enough to burst on
impact- containing a mix of holy water, wolfsbane and graphite. Multi - role
antisupernatural ammunition."
He spun the guns round and they promptly vanished.
"Nice trick.... Er, what the fuck's the graphite for?"
"Dopplegangers. It gives 'em a head explosion."
"What the fuck?"
John thumbed a switch on his bike's handlebars. A pair of MP5s popped out of
his bike's fairing, followed by a trigger mechanism out of the left
handlebar.
"Fine copper foil cups sealed with a nylon plug. Cups contain graphite and
silver balls in a mix of wolfsbane juice and holy water. Again, multi - role
antisupernatural slugs."
"Hey - if yer just a defenceless unimportant HUMAN how come Akira th'
fuckhead don't stop ya usin' wolfsbane ammo?"
John Kirth smirked. "Because I can kill him in seven seconds if I get pissed
off. I'm not called Magus for nothing..."
"Ya do magic an' shit? Know anything about Jusenkyu curses?"
"Couple of things. Firstly there is no known cure. Secondly in an Amerai it
becomes voluntary after the First Change. The Amazons have drowned various
monsters at Jusenkyu for that reason - they gain a body for each spring
fallen into. Humans just don't seem to have the ability to control their
new-found link to what we call the Stew."
"The Stew? What the fuck is that?"
"Another dimension - or so Amerai scientists have postulated. A dimension
completely filled with organic matter... or rather, werewolf. With practise
it is possible for an Amerai to learn to control that link enough that they
can take on any body they please. And I really do mean ANY body. You've
never seen a thirteen year old girl transform into a sixty story Godzilla
wannabe and believe me, you don't want to. Her name's Donna Skel. That is
one girl who it's not worth pissing off... I've heard that the bowels of her
Clan's fortress has a room that makes an aircraft hanger look cramped...
because she likes to sleep in Godzilla form. Hell, she's the one who
INSPIRED those tales of giant city - smashing dinosaurs! Yeah, they dug out
God's aircraft hanger in the solid rock under Mount Fuji just so Miss Lady
Packmaster Skel could kip as a fucking Big Mamma T-Rex on steroids." He
smirked. "Of curse, all you need to cut her down to size is a Wolfsbane
tipped Stinger missile - or a 125mm cannon frag shell filled with wolfsbane
instead of explosives. That would pierce her fucking scales and give her the
megashrinks. You see, wolfsbane makes you lose conscious control of the link
with the Stew. Healing is reflexive. You have no control of it - it's just
part of the immune system. Shapeshifting is very much under your control. At
first it's under the control of your subconscious. Then the conscious takes
command and you can change forms at will. Wolfsbane jams that link between
your brain and your Stew cells. The bigger the hit the longer it lasts. It's
not an allergy, it's not a poison. It's a drug. Like cocaine, it takes over
control of your nerve endings and overloads specific parts. In this case
outgoing signals to your Stew cells to rebuild your body in another shape.
Once these signals are no longer present, they rebuild you again following
your basic plan. It makes you how you were at First Change... the only part
left is your brain. And even that is susceptible to repairs. In humans brain
cells die off. In Amerai they are rebuilt in place. You still have the same
number of brain cells you had when your brain stopped growing. No human can
say that."
"All of which means?"
"You know what it means. Hit an Amerai with wolfsbane and they shift back to
their human form and they're trapped there until the effect fades. As they
don't exactly go around taking it they don't build up a resistance." Kirth
smirked. "Take the hint - start getting your body used to wolfsbane before
you first change. That could give someone a horrible surprise one day."
"Um - do I already regenerate?"
"Oh, you'll heal far faster than a normal human. Not in seconds, mind. But
still fast. An injury which would have a human in bed for months you would
get over in a few days. That's more than just being tough."
"Looks like Mister Akira's gettin' ready ta roll at fuckin' last. Let's
Rock!"
"Just remember, Ranma. The time of Akira Saotome is over. The time of Ranma
Saotome is about to begin..."
Ranma fingered the bug Nabiki had left in his pocket. He had left in there
because he wanted her to know if anything went wrong. She would know what to
do if things went pear shaped.
Or at least, he hoped so.
************************************
Akira looked up from his preparations at Takashi's shout.
"They're moving out!"
"Shit! You lot, I wanted everything ready five fucking minutes ago! Get your
fucking asses into gear! Go! Go!"
************************************
John smirked again and glanced at his wing mirror. Still no big cloud of
dust from the direction of the port.
It was the man's own stupid fault. He had told Akira to take HIGH SPEED
transport and what did he bring? That bus.
Akira Saotome was not exactly John Kirth's favourite person. He only worked
for Akira because of Ranma.
And eighteen hundred years sure had been a long wait. The first European in
Japan had been John Kirth, a Magus from what was now the United Kingdom of
Great Britain.
After all, Amerai didn't have a monopoly on ceasing to age.
He smirked again. He had a few short months - and forever.
"Stage 11 complete, moving to stage 10."
The countdown to Armageddon had begun.
************************************
Lin-Lin was the best shot in her age group or rather the entire village.
That was why she was sitting in a guard post with a Dragunov sniper rifle in
her hands.
And boy, she was bored. Wu Chii had just taken over watch.
Lin-Lin turned to grab her packed lunch. At that exact moment Wu let out a
warning hiss.
Lin-Lin hastily moved to the firing slit. Third time today. Last lot a trio
of Musk who were heading for Jusenkyu. Through Joketsuzo just to stop and
say hello since one of their number was a certain Prince Herb.
What she saw through her telescopic sight was a group of mean looking flat
black bikes with over armed riders. The lead biker had her helmet off.
"<Wu! It's Xian Pu!>"
"<Gotcha. I'll go and flag them down.>"
Lin-Lin nodded and walked over to the door behind Wu. Shampoo was a special
friend of Lin-Lin's - they had saved each other's lives more than once.
The bikers pulled over. The one hard behind Shampoo pulled his helmet off.
"Hey, Shampoo - what th' fuck's th' holdup?"
"Is check make sure we not fuck Joketsuzo up."
"Well, my hand's an inch from th' fuckin' pistol grip then. Surely some
bugger's gonna know we gotten attacked by Cow Lone's bird creeps so this
ain't exactly gonna be a romantic interlude."
"Calm down. Is all okay."
Wu shot her a confused look. "<What was that all about? Had any luck on your
hunt yet? You'd better.>"
"<Well, Ranma doesn't think much of the reception committee and I've both
had luck and not had luck on my hunt. The target stayed the same but the aim
changed.>"
"<You what? You're heterosexual so what's the story?>"
"<My target turned out to be a seventeen year old man who had fallen into
Spring of Drowned Girl. Get my drift? Oh, and I've got one in the oven.>"
"<You what? Aw, you'll have to tell me later. Gotta get back to guard - pass
me your ID and I'll check it out.>" Wu sounded positively bored by the
thought.
"Hey, Shampoo - how th' fuck many chicks are there in that fuckin' pillbox?"
"Two."
"Great, let's rock an' roll. Translate fer me willya?"
Shampoo nodded. Everyone drew their guns - silenced MP5's.
Ranma smiled smugly. "Either of ya move a muscle an' yer body hits that
fuckin' wall with enough holes that yer gonna win th' next Miss Colander
award."
Wu stared. Shampoo sighed. "<I'm sorry, Wu Chii... but the only ID you'll
get contains lead and wolfsbane. I don't like doing this to old friends, but
we've got a bone to pick with Kou Loun so we'll just have to tie you two
up.>"
"<You fucking traitor!>"
"<You really think I want to attack my own village? Kou Loun forced me to
take this route by being an outright back stabbing bitch. She sicced Tiger
and company on me. They nearly got us. Luckily we had wolfsbane slugs.>"
"<You know.>"
"<Yes. I know what I am.>"
"<Lin-Lin - drop the gun. We're not going to even try to stand in your way,
Xian Pu. I guess we can get together for a few beers after the smoke and
shit has cleared, right?>"
Shampoo nodded. Wu placed her AK47 against a rock, pulled a Makarov from
each pocket and place them on the rock, tugged a dagger out of each boot,
another out of the heel of one boot then finally pulled a sawn-off shotgun
out of her jacket.
John swung off his crosser. He pulled his helmet off and stared at the pile
as Lin-Lin added her Dragunov, an elephant rifle, no less than seven
handguns and a Skorpion machine pistol to the pile.
He whistled. "<Nice arsenal there, cat-girl. Nice mindshield too - I can't
get any of your thoughts.>"
"<You're psychic?>"
"<No, I'm a Magus.>" He switched to Japanese. "Say, I'd better make sure
they won't get their restraints off by shapeshifting." He fished around in
his back pocket and came out with two heavy sets of manacles.
Shampoo shook her head. "No, we use rope."
"Ya want these chicks gettin' out?"
"Well - yes. They old friends."
Ranma snorted. "I ain't gonna risk them not backstabbin' us. We don't know
where their fuckin' loyalties really are."
Shampoo paused. "Okay, okay. Is enough, go ahead."
John Kirth nodded.
"Hey! Why them not just snap chain with shapeshift?"
"Because a leviathan isn't strong enough to snap these. They're hardened.
You could lift enough metal with one of these to make ten of those tramp
freighters Akira hauled us here in."
"Is you able for set them up to undo in one hour?"
"Huh? Yes."
"Do it." Shampoo turned back to the two Amazons. "<These bonds will fall off
in one hour if we don't come back.>" She grabbed the M60 off the back of her
bike. "<If we don't, take this and avenge us - perforate Kou Loun.>"
"<You're going to kill her, right?>"
"<We'll try.>"
************************************
They pulled up in the village square and glanced around. Nobody was taking
much notice of them.
That was until Ranma drew his GP35 and blasted a couple of shots off into
the ground. Within moments every Amazon in the village had poured into the
square with guns in their hands.
Ryoga glanced at the gun that was slung across her back, shrugged and swung
it round. It was Akane's 25mm cannon. They had made a stock and pistol grip
for it on the off chance Ryoga could hand fire it. She could.
Akane grinned and slapped the minigun that was clamped to her bike's
handlebars.
John thumbed the button on his bike's handlebars and the two MP5's revealed
themselves.
Ranko made a face and cocked her pump - action leg.
Shampoo swung her AK off her shoulder.
Ranma lifted an M60 off the back of his bike.
Mortise cracked his knuckles then unholstered a pair of MP5K's.
Ranma nodded. "Okay, Shampoo - ya do th' talkin'."
Shampoo glanced around the village square.
"<Where's Matriarch Kou Loun? We've got a bone to pick with the bitch.>"
************************************
Kou Loun looked up from her writings as a tall thin youth charged into her
hut.
"<What is the meaning of this, boy? You had better have a good reason.>"
"<It's Xian Pu - she's back. But there's a hitch - she's got a bunch of
overarmed bikers with her and she says she's got a bone to pick with you!>"
"<Ah. I see... so the Saotomes are here at last.>"
"<Huh?>"
"<Get out of here, lad.>"
Mu Tze hastily backed out of the room. Why the hell had the Matriarch called
him 'lad' rather than 'Boy' or 'Idiot'? (Not that there was any real
difference in usage in the Amazon's dialect.)
************************************
Ranma idly popped a fag into his mouth. He passed the deck around. Ranko,
Mortise and Ryoga each took one.
They then resumed their abrasive slag - off of the Amazons.
"Check these wankers out! They all gotten fuckin' Russian shooters. Everyone
wiv half a brain knows that th' Germans make th' best guns!"
Akane snorted. "I prefer British designs."
"Nah, th' Brits are only good on tanks an' jets. Look, th' Germans made th'
MP5. What'd the Brits do? Th' fuckin' Sterlin'. An' th' Yanks made that
Ingram MAC10 heap o' shite."
"Hey, look at that! These idiots sure don't know the meaning of camouflage!"
"By th' look o' it they got their guns set on rock an' roll. If they open
fire they're gonna get each other as well as us."
John snorted. "No, they won't get us unless they go hand - to - hand. I took
the liberty of adding deflector fields to your bikes - so stay with them."
"Ya done what?"
"As long as you're on your bikes you're bullet proof."
"Now that's my idea o' fuckin' good news!"
Kou Loun walked out of the crowd. She had four other Amazon elders hard
behind her.
"What is going on here?"
"That's what we're wantin' ta find out, ya old bat! What the fuck were yer
bird thing goons playin' at?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why Tiger, Su Wong and Dart attack we?"
"Repeat that, please?"
"Why did Tiger, Su Wong and Dart attack we? Is there be point in this?"
"Spill it, pickled monkey bitch. We got ya number - these babies are loaded
wiv wolfsbane tipped slugs. So ya gotta ask yerself - just how lucky do ya
feel?"
"Wolfsbane, huh? Just the sort of low trick I would expect of a Saotome."
"Keep th' insults ta yerself, hag. Or we're gonna fill ya with lead."
"Why Tiger and company attack on us? Own up!"
One of the other elders growled something. "Grrmmph. Kou Loun, are you
trying to provoke Clan Saotome? Surely Hanovan told you this Ranma boy is
Akira's heir? We don't need their army pouring into our village!"
"Keep your nose out of this, Mi Soon."
"No. It is as much my business as it is yours - especially if you have
ordered an act that endangered Joketsuzo."
"I said, keep your nose out of this. Unless you want it ripped off."
"I'm startin' ta get an itch in my trigger finger, Cow Lone. So ya better
spill it before my finger starts twitchin'. Then we'd find out how much
wolfsbane is a fatal dose, huh?"
"They were ordered to retrieve my heir, boy. By any means necessary."
"Then ya fucked up bigstyle, ya stupid fuck! I was gonna leave ya an' yer
damn shithole village the fuck alone but would ya let sleepin' dogs lie? Oh
no, ya gotta stamp in th' fuckin' wasp nest! I'm so fuckin' pissed off it's
a surprise you ain't just won th' next Miss Swiss Cheese award! Ya fuckin'
stupid bitch - ya want me ta ice ya? Ya want me ta flatten this shithole?
Two o' yer bird bitch goons ain't livin' any more. An' I'm startin' ta feel
like another little kill markin' on me fuel tank. Ya want it ta be ya? Then
go right ahead with yer bullshit!"
He paused for breath. Mi Soon groaned.
"Kou Loun, you idiot!"
"And look who's talking?"
Somebody growled from the crowd. A stone spiralled out of the mob and caught
Kou Loun on the back of the head.
Guns dropped to the ground as the massed Amazons forgot about firearms and
started attacking each other the old fashioned way. Within moments the whole
village had devolved into a huge melee of lupine figures.
Ranma glanced at John.
"Now this's gotta be my idea o' a spectator sport!"
John pointed at an Amazon who was charging at Ryoga with a drawn sword.
"Yeah, but it looks like we're about to get involved!"
Ryoga chose that exact moment to open fire. Then all hell broke loose.
Bullets were flying everywhere, things exploding, people yelling and
screaming, guns crashing and more blood spilt than any of the NJMS had ever
seen before. Well, apart from Ryoga who had once seen the inside of a
slaughterhouse.
Ryoga laughed at the Amazon who had charged her as she staggered to her
feet, now human. "<Stupid fuck. Katana versus M60 machine gun. Give it up,
baby.>"
"<Fuck you, Saotome filth! You're gonna->" Before she could finish another
Amazon werewolf rushed up behind her and ripped her head off with a single
claw strike. "<Hey, Saotome! Need a hand?>"
"<Thanks for the offer, but I think we can handle it.>"
The Amazon ducked under a sword blow and kicked the attacker's head hard
enough to snap her neck. "<Yeah, but we need to get out of here. Are you
people willing to help us?>"
"Hey, Ranma! Seems half of these chicks want outta here!"
"Yeah sis? Well, why not?"
Ryoga grinned at the wolfwoman. "<You're in luck. Got transport?>"
"<Sure have. Hey, Mi Soon!>"
A small wolfwoman smashed out of the melee. "<You called?>"
"<Let's roll out!>"
Around half the Amazons began to form a battle line around the Saotome crew,
facing outwards. It took about ten minutes to drive the other Amazons back
enough to load the old Chinese army trucks that were parked in various
places around the village, then another four minutes to get everyone
rolling.
************************************
Akira glared out of the minibus windscreen as the Chinese countryside
rattled past under it's wheels. He hadn't expected Kirth to take off with
the kids, but it was probably a good thing.
A convoy of old Chinese army trucks with the Nerima Juvenile Mayhem Squad at
it's head suddenly rounded the next corner.
The truck's crews were obviously Amazons.
"Oh My God! What's that blasted boy done this time?"
fineesh - a - da parta seventeen
NOTES
Whoops, another short one. Next - Ranma and the gang explain what happened,
the mob get back to Nerima with the Amazons in tow, lots of shouting and a
moose. (Yes, I spelt that right.)
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks
and the frame. Helps steady the steering.
Rock and roll - In reference to guns, full auto fire (if you hold the
trigger down the gun will bang off every round in the magazine)