[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 chapter 13
Calum Wallace
Ranma 1/2 isn't my fault, it never was, it still isn't and it never will be.
So there.
Words in "<this>" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese.
Chapter 13: Drinking blood is not a crime.
"More human than human" - White Zombie.
************************************
Ranko glowered at Ranma's back as the two bikes pulled up in front of the
school. Ranma and the girls swung off of his machine as she kicked her
bike's sidestand down.
Kuno was waiting and watching with visible disgust.
"Is two such ladies not enough, Saotome?"
"What th' fuck're ya talkin' about, Kuno? That's my twin sister ya prick!"
Kuno facefaulted. Ranko gritted her teeth and cocked her pump - action leg.
"Any smart remarks and I'll blow your head off, whoever the fuck you are!"
"Sis, that's Kuno."
"What, the guy who usta try to work Akane over, right?"
"We dealt with that. Come on - you gotta talk with Teach."
Kuno watched the four of them go inside. Then he turned to Nabiki, who had
just arrived.
"How come you did not tell me Saotome had another sister?"
"I didn't know until this weekend. Hell, neither did Ranma."
"Perhaps you could tell me the whole story?"
Nabiki nodded. "For a small fee..."
************************************
"Let me get this straight. This Ranko ran from home because her mother, a
truck driver, wished to make her into a proper Japanese lady?"
Nabiki nodded. "Yeah. She's a definite tomboy."
"Hmm - exactly what I would expect of a Saotome. Her motorcycle - did Ranma
give her it?"
"No, she arrived on it. Ranma's helping her get parts to sort it out. It was
a complete wreck. Frame, wheels, engine, seat and headlamp. The rest had
fallen off. It didn't even have a battery but it was still running."
Kuno nodded thoughtfully. "Those old H-D's are well made bikes."
Nabiki snorted. "I really wouldn't know."
"Ah, but I would. My cousin rides a similar machine."
Nabiki nodded and turned her attention away from him, back to her
schoolwork.
************************************
Kuno ambled out into the schoolyard. It was lunchbreak, and he owed someone
an apology. Two someones, in fact.
He didn't like the idea of apologising to Ranma, but he had to. After all,
he had unfairly insulted both Ranma and his sister.
He looked around and rapidly spotted the small group. Ranma, Akane, Shampoo,
Ranko and Nabiki. Now that was a suprise - Nabiki sitting and having a
friendly chat. The second Tendo girl making nice with anyone was a bit
weird.
Ranma's alert eyes snapped up at his approach.
"Waddya want, Kuno?"
"Pax, Saotome, pax. I merely wish to offer yourself and your sister my
apology for my mistaken conclusion I jumped to this morning."
Ranma considered his serious expression. Kuno's emotions were so easy to
read it was pathetic.
"Hey, accepted already, man."
Ranko snorted. "Next time you see something think before opening your face."
"Hey Ranko - no need ta eat th' guy. He apologised, huh?"
Ranko snorted. "Yeah yeah. Like I'm going to forget a crack like he made so
easy. Not in this lifetime!"
Kuno sighed. "Then what must I do to make amends?"
He wandered off without waiting for an answer. Ranko glared after him.
"Hey, sis - chill, huh?"
"Reminds me of someone I knew in my last school - stupid fuckhead."
************************************
Ranma swung off of his bike. Another schoolday done.
He walked over to the two almost finished machines - the project bikes.
After examining them for a moment he pulled the spray cans of black paint
out of his pack. Five more minutes and it'd be over bar letting the paint
dry. Getting them registered would be easy enough - Nabiki was working on it
at that very moment. Grafitti would be easy enough, anarchy logo here eight
pointed star of Chaos there kind of stuff. He still had to think of
something special for the fuel tanks.
His father walked over carrying a back wheel.
"What's the story, Dad?"
"Ah, Ranma - could ya sort this into a front wheel?"
"Sure, give us ten minutes. I've got to get these things painted."
Genma nodded and dumped the wheel. "Sure thing, son."
Ranma turned back to the bike and started spraying black paint over
everything. The two bikes ended up very black indeed.
"Rockin'."
The first one was covered in studs. He had masked these so they would stay
chrome. It had a handlebar fairing that looked like a leftover prop from
Aliens and a high sissy bar poking up behind the seat that was formed into
the rear mudguard. This bike was for Akane. The second bike had two
headlamps, one above the other and surrounded by a large fairing that
resembled an old aircrafts nosecone. It's seat was a bucket type affair that
had been taken from a smashed up race car and it's mudguards were made from
polished steel and looked remarkably like sword blades. Two reproduction
machine gun barrels poked from each side of it's fuel tank which had two
aircraft fillers set into the top. This bike was for Shampoo. He had a can
of khaki paint and another of drab brown. This machine would end up painted
in a camoflage pattern to match her battledress.
Ranma smiled. The two bikes were perfect, each matching the personality and
dress sense of their future owners.
He finished the matte black paint and ripped the masking tape off of the
studs and lamps then grabbed the rear wheel his father had left behind. Time
to do some work.
************************************
Ranko fished her cigarette tin out of her pocket. She was gasping for a
smoke.
Having rolled up she offered the tin to Mortise. He shook his head and
produced a twenty deck of Benson & Hedges from his pocket.
She nodded. He fished a Zippo from his pocket and she pulled a Clipper from
her back pocket. They lit up and smoked for a few minutes in compainonable
silence.
"Er - you doing anything Friday night?"
Ranko shook her head. "Nah. I ain't got nothing to do."
"Er - I know this really good nightclub. Fancy going along?"
Ranko frowned. "What sorta club?"
"Heavy metal club. It's where half the metalheads in Tokyo hang out."
"Wicked, man! Sure, let's have a rocking time Friday!"
Mortise smiled widely. "Awesome. Er - thanks, huh?"
"It sounds fun, man."
They lapsed into silence. Both didn't really know what to say.
"Um - I hear you've been having some trouble finding parts for your Hog?"
Ranko nodded. "Yeah. There ain't many of the old WD hogs around these days."
"I know a guy who collects them. He's always got spares for the old Harleys.
He's got five fully stock '45 hogs himself."
"Reckon he'll have the parts I need?"
"Which bits exactly are you looking for?"
"Gearbox parts mainly. I could do with a new generator - I've been using a
Mini part. It does the job - just." Raanko idly waalking round in circles in
the road
Mortise nodded. "Right. I'll see if I can - HOLY SHIT! WATCH OUT!"
Ranko spun round, momentarily forgetting about her prosthetic leg. Her fake
ankle natrualy refused to follow the spin.
Mortise took the only option available to him as she fell sideways into the
path of an out of control dustcart. His sunglasses fell away as he jumped.
He caught her wrist and concentrated. His enourmousley powerful will stepped
between himself and gravity. There was a jolt as he took up Ranko's weight.
He launched, yanking her clear of the truck. The two of them landed, she in
his arms.
"Shit, are you okay?"
"Yeah - thanks to- what the fuck?"
Ranko stared into his eyes. Blood red eyes.
"Mortise - what's with the eyes? How come you can fly?"
Mortise sighed. "I suppose you want me to go away, huh?"
"No I fucking don't! I want you to tell me what's going on, okay?"
Mortise sighed again. "Ranko, I'm already dead. You are too special to hide
the truth from... I'm sorry."
She stared at him. "You mean..?"
"I am a vampire. Dying of sunlight is as much a myth as werewolves dying of
silver. I'm sorry... but how the hell would I tell you that? You ever seen
me breathing when I'm not smoking?"
"You're serious."
"Yeah... I'm sorry."
Ranko slowly shook her head. "Fuck."
"I guess Friday's off?"
Ranko glared at him. "Chickening out just because you don't breath?
Bullshit!"
"W - what?"
"I said it's still on. Unless you're too chicken shit to go out with a
girl?"
Mortise stared at her for several seconds. "You... you know yet you don't
gve a shit? Is it true?"
"Yeah."
************************************
Ranma frowned. "So you say that guy is undead, right? What drugs you been
taking, sis?"
"No bullshit, no acid, Ranma. You ever seen Mortise breathe?"
"I thought he was kinda soft breathing..."
"You believe me, right?"
"Yeah. Look, I change sex every so often. I'm married to a bisexual goth and
an Amazon. My brother is now my sister through the same fuckin' curse as
I've got. My other sister has a pump - action fuckin' shotgun for a leg. My
father turns into a fuckin' panda. My mother is a truck driver. I've been
attacked by a guy who claims - backed up by his former best mate - to be a
fuckin' werewolf. Yeah, my life is ever so fuckin' normal, huh? So some
dude's a vampire. So what? Big deal. That's not weird whatso fucking ever."
Shampoo scratched her head. "Matriarch Kou Loun is tell I about Sluaach
before."
"Sluaach?"
"Is two words in old language, fasten together, no? Means Blood Corpse. Is
name for how you say... Vampire, no? The Sluaach claim them state is curse
from Christain's God. Matriarch claim is disease bioengineered in ancient
times. Who we believe? I not know."
"How the fuck do you pronounce it.. Cow Lone reckons that vampirism is a
bioengineered disease, huh? What are the symptoms - apart from being dead?"
"Death is first symptom. Second is blood rush to eyes. Third is long canine
teeth. Fourth is still going despite be dead. Fifth is inability to ingest
any but blood. Sluaach need for to drink maybe six or seven pints of blood a
day. Some drink animals. Some drink humans. I is told human taste better,
animals and Amerai be tasting like shit. Is what Ancestor Sung Wu tell I and
she be in state for to know. She Sluaach... I is mean vampire."
"Some of the Amazons are vampires?"
"Yes, there be four Amazons who not breathe. They be undeaded in ancient
times. Be not quite living link with past. Is much value to Amazons."
"Right... so we have that to deal with too. I wonder how come Mortise ain't
scared of these undead Amazons?"
"They hermits, no? Live in far reaches of Amazon land, see? Amazons deliver
blood to they. In retern they remember for young Amazons. Tell we history of
Amazon Nation. They see with own eyes."
"Hey - how old is Cow Lone?"
"I not know. She at least three hundred."
"Er - how the fuck? Is she a vampire?"
"No, no. Is something like force of ki. She retard death with big amount of
ki."
"I've heard such things were possible."
"Is so? Where you hear?"
"Some old scroll Dad dug outta somewhere. Dunno really. Aw, fuckit. I got a
wheel ta modify an' some paint ta spray."
Akane sighed. She had remained silent throughout the entire conversation.
"I think we should tell Nabiki."
"Yeah, you an' Ranko go tell her, huh? She should be able ta figure what ta
do."
Ranma got out a cigarette and headed outside. He settled down by the two
newly built bikes and started ripping masking tape off of the one he had
built for Akane. Having finished that he started spraying a camoflage
pattern onto the bike for Shampoo. To do this he used a stencil made from an
old magazine cover. He examined Akane's bike, scrawled an anarchy logo
across the seat then signed the front mudguard, 'Ranma Saotome 1997'
He sat back on his heels and grinned at the finished machine. It was
absolutely perfect.
He then grabbed the wheel for Soun's bike and started changing the mounting
points to accept a pair of brake disks. Front brakes from a CBR1100, his
father had said. No worries.
************************************
Akane leant back against the wall by Nabiki's door.
"Nabiki, there's some stuff we need to tell you. I dunno if you're going to
believe us about this, but Ranko say's it's true and Shampoo backed her up."
"Like what? Do tell."
"Mortise is a vampire."
"You what? Oh great, just fucking great. As if we didn't have a bad enough
mess on our hands at any rate."
Ranko sighed. "Weird curses, Chinese Amazons, werewolves, dried up old
mummies, vampires - what next? As if things weren't complex enough."
"It's no joking matter, Ranko. This business is bloody dangerous."
"I guessed that much."
Akane frowned. "Er - Nabiki, how come you know about this crap?"
"A little bird told me. Internet, dear sister. You'd be amazed what's on
there."
"Well, just remember that Mortise seems to be on our side, huh?"
"I know, Ranko. I know. I'm just glad he's not a bad guy. Vampires are not
safe people to piss off. Well, actually they're bloody dangerous."
"I guessed that much."
************************************
By the time the green paint had dried on Shampoo's bike Ranma had the wheel
finished. He grabbed the brown and the second stencil. Time to finish this.
Having finished the camoflage job he grabbed the goat skull he had for
Akane's handlebar fairing and attached it with cable ties then started
scrawling graffitti across the fuel tank. By the time the brown had dried he
was ready to sign Shampoo's bike. He added the trademark anarchy logo on the
seat then his signature, this time on the fuel tank. After that he paused,
frowned and added seventeen little pictures of bullets to the back of the
seat, each outlined in white paint. One for each slug Shampoo had nailed
Ratvespa with.
He slotted the two bikes keys into their ignition switches and booted their
kickstarts, one after the other. Their exhausts were nicely tuned, emitting
a satisfying deep 'grntgrntgrnt' sound and a slight hiss from the turbos.
He grinned and walked inside. Pausing to grab himself a sandwich he walked
upstairs. "Akane? Shampoo?"
The two girls stuck their heads out of Nabiki's bedroom. "Yeah?"
"Come outside. There's something I want ya ta have a look at."
They shot each other a puzzled look and followed him outside, Ranko and
Nabiki hard behind them. They found Ranma standing between the two ticking
over bikes.
"Waddya think o' these? I just finished 'em." He grabbed the bikes throttles
and gunned their engines.
Akane shot him a confused look. "Er - why do you ask?"
"Because I built these thigs fer ya two, ya dummy! Ya need wheels, right?
It's all very well ya two ridin' around on th' back o' my bike but it's not
gonna work out forever, huh? An' th' pigs are gonna chase us fer ridin'
three up sooner or later. Which ain't a problem but it is downright
annoyin'." He slapped the camoflaged bike's fuel tank. "Shampoo, this is
yours." He slapped the studded bike's seat. "An Akane, this is yours. Like
'em? I spent ages figurin' out what sorta machines'd suit ya two. They're
CB250's with turboed CB500 motors. Nabiki's gotten them registered - it's
sure uesful havin' an ace lawyer fer a sister in law - an' they're fully
road legal. That's why I put indicators on 'em - my machine's actually
illegal that way."
Shampoo walked over to the camoflaged bike. She stared at it for a few
seconds then sat down in the saddle. She glanced down, remembered how Ranma
took his bike off it's sidestand, rocked the bike sideways and hooked the
stand up with her foot.
She grinned and revved the engine. The bike grunted in response.
"This be much cool!" She blipped the engine again. "Is sound good!"
Akane giggled and climbed onto the other bike. She lifted it from it's side
stand with pracised ease - her periodic excursions on her fathers bike had
left her with not inconsiderable ability to ride and a full motorbike
license to boot. She killed the motor, paused for several seconds then
kickstarted it. The 500cc 4-stroke engine roared into life smoothly and
easily, courtesy of the considerable quantity of WD40 penetrationg oil Ranma
had lubricated the kickstart mechanism with.
It felt far badder than her fathers rusty blue 250. That was an OK bike but
not really much of anything. This was a stud encrusted 500cc ratbike with a
turbo and a serious bad attitude. Despite being based on the same model of
bike as her fathers ride it felt, looked and sounded badass enough to chew
you up and spit out the pips. As did the camoflaged bike Shampoo was sitting
on - it looked like the product of some insane army engineer from hell.
Neither had a patch on Ranma's supercharged nitrous oxide assisted headlamp
infested unsilenced stripped down wide wheeled spiked tyred skeletal mad man
mobile, but they were far above the likes of Kuno's ride in sheer level of
mean.
She summed it up. "This has got to be the meanest peice of machinery I've
ever sat in the hot seat of... but then I've only ever ridden a CG125 and
Dad's CB250."
Ranma grinned lopsidedly (as was his habit.) "So far. Why dontcha take 'em
fer a test ride? I gotten yer lids ta match 'em." He grabbed his pack from
where it was hanging on the pipework that made up his bike's seat frame and
fished out two crash helmets. One was a curious mix of bike helmet and a jet
fighter pilot's lid while the other was a normal full face skidlid with no
visor that had horns. And a set of what looked like flying goggles over it.
"Here. Skidlids ta match th' bikes. That air force style 'un cost a bomb."
He handed them to the girls, put on his own lid and swung onto his bike. He
shoved in the keys and fired the engine as the girls put their helmets on.
"Let's Rock!"
************************************
Akira Saotome finished reading the letter.
"Well, well, well. Sumiko - I will be going to the Saotome-Tendo dojo
tomorrow. I'm leaving you in charge here. Takashi, you will be coming with
me, but I don't want anybody in the dojo to see you. Understood?"
The two nodded. "Yes, Lord Saotome."
"Then let's get packing. Sumiko, tell the servants. I may be gone some
time."
John Kirth snorted from his desk in the corner. "Lord, your destiny
approaches. Take care, for you will be sorely missed if you leave us."
"John, there is no need to err on the side of caution."
"And you are needed, Lord. Yet I sense your time approaches."
"Then I shall meet it as any true warrior should - with weapons drawn and a
battle cry on my lips! There is no sense in hiding from destiny, John."
"I will accompany you, Lord. You may need me."
Akira didn't argue with that. There was no point questioning the truth.
That's it for now.
NOTES
Hmm, a duo of workable bikes? I don't believe it!
NB - Ranma's ride has an engine that would be in a dragster bike in the real
world. I intend to build myself a carbon - copy of Shampoo's bike.
Indicators (turn signals) are a legal necessity on a Japanese motorbike.
This makes Genma, Ryoga, Ranko and Ranma's bikes illegal. Mind you, the
absence of registration plates is enough to make Ryoga and Ranko's bikes
illegal...
Next - Enter Akira Saotome! And the return of the Ryoga!
C&C to dog...@ratbike.org please.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as possible
while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much of
anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability stems from
having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke engine.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show it's
age.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as triple
clamps in the US.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes built).
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil.
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to aid
the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower boost.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back wheel
and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on.
Conrod - The bit of metal that connects the piston to the crankshaft.
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the CG125 and
just a bigger version of the same.
500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier frame.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run it
hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will start
emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and contracts.
Stocker - unmodified factory - built vehicle.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the forks
and the frame. Helps steady the steering.