[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 book 02 chapter 02
Doghead Thirteen
You know what? I still refuse to accept responsibility.
Yup, it's still not dead. I think this is gonna work.
I hope.
Words in "{this}" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese. Those in
"[this]" are in wolf-speak.
Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend, book 2: Severed.
Chapter 2: Just add Kounji.
"My lips are numb my mind is numb and my will is numb" - SPF1000,
'Consumption'
"Yukiko was talking bullshit when she said Saotomes are hard. She
deserved an understatement of the damn *millennium* award for that
one... pity I had the wrong target." - Ukyo Kounji, reminiscing to
grandchildren, April 2044.
***********************************
Ukyo Kounji was tired and bored senseless. Driving several hundred miles
instead of sleeping tends to do that. The only reason he'd managed to
stay on the road was because of a large collection of pirated Guns 'N'
Roses and Iron Maiden tapes.
How Yukiko managed to sleep through the 1980's finest was anyone's
guess.
He pulled up in the transportcafe carpark just outside Nerima, switched
the stereo off and proceeded to faceplant the steering wheel as he went
from 'zombie' to 'log' in 2.5 seconds flat.
Yukiko woke up an hour later to find Ukyo snoring face down on the
steering wheel, which was unusual since Ukyo didn't normally snore.
She moved him to the passenger's seat, found a supermarket car park in
town and went out for a little walk.
***********************************
Nabiki and Su were just leaving the shop when a Hunter Guild symbol
seemed to jump out of the crowd at them. Nabiki's hand was on the pistol
grip of her MP5K by the time she realised the teenager wearing the Guild
wristband had innocently walked into her.
"Shit, can't you watch where you're going?"
"Sorry, got something on my mind." The demon hunter hurried off.
Nabiki glared at her back for several seconds, shrugged and headed for
her bike.
Yukiko heard the growl of a motorbike firing up. Being a motocross
enthusiast she glanced over.
And promptly got the fright of her life. The wasp-striped turboed CB was
the most blatant and brutal looking bike she'd seen in nearly ten years.
She grinned and continued heading for the suburb of Nerima mentioned in
the advert Ukyo had pulled Genma Saotome's address from.
***********************************
"Heya like, Nabiki. You look like you've seen a like, ghost."
"Nah, worse than that. A demon hunter literally walked into me while I
was buying Su clothes... that mundie gave me a hell of a fright." She
dumped her sub-machine gun on the sideboard and made a couple of cheese
sandwiches.
"A like, demon hunter? How'd you like, know?"
"Because I happen to know their rank badges. She was an Initiate, that's
something like a line soldier. They wear these wristbands so they can
spot each other, it stops fuckups where different guilds end up
accidentally hunting each other's troops. I mean, there's some places
the only human stupid enough to hang out is a demon hunter. I'm going to
talk to Nodoka, see if she can tell me anything about the Guild in
question. If that girl's from the one who declared open war on any and
all supernaturals we'll have to get the Hell rid of her and fast."
***********************************
Yukiko noticed the change in the building style instantly. One moment
fairly typical Japanese houses. The next moment very new and more
Chinese-looking buildings.
She paused and ran her rank bracelet up her sleeve before proceeding.
Gunfire could be heard clattering away in the background; from the
pattern and the way most of it was coming from one building she marked
it as a firing range.
Then she spotted the young woman who was leaning against a fence and
chatting with her friends. Nothing unusual about that, except that this
young woman had a Kalashnikov AK47 slung over her shoulder.
She ignored them and kept going, heading directly for the address SCC
was listed at. When she got to the new-looking concrete building she got
three frights.
Firstly one end was stove in where a tank had reversed into it. That was
clear because the tank had then got introduced to the business end of a
missile launcher and was still sitting in the demolished portion of
wall. There was a few children playing on the burnt out T-74.
Second there was a 'Closed' sign in the door.
And finally there was a eight or so year old girl with bright blue hair
in the yard of a nearby house who she recognised. The kid who was with
the girl who she'd walked into who rode a motorbike with a built-in
machine gun.
At that point she spotted the three red dots sliding across the door she
was still standing beside. Three young women stepped out of a gate
across the street; two had AK47's in their hands while the third carried
nothing more than a bo staff. Yukiko knew exactly what she was looking
at; a Joketsuzo Amazon elder and two flunkies. The ones with the AK's
were extremely dangerous. The one with the staff... it didn't bear
thinking about.
"Stay exactly where you are if you want to live, demon hunter."
"Oh fuck."
***********************************
Ukyo woke up with a start and frantically grabbed at the steering wheel,
slamming his foot on where the brake pedal should be as he did so
Neither control was present. He blinked repeatedly then realised he was
looking at the passengers side dashboard.
"What the hell? Yukiko?"
The keys were still in the Land-Rover's ignition; a note was taped to
the steering wheel.
'If you wake up I've gone to scout out the Saotome's address. I'll be
back by half past ten - Yukiko.'
Ukyo looked at the clock. It was quarter to eleven, and Yukiko was one
of those people you can set your clock by.
"Shit, Yukiko. What have you gone and got yourself into this time?"
Ukyo slid across into the drivers seat, fired the 4x4's beefy diesel
engine and headed for a certain suburb.
***********************************
"Hang on, hang on, hang on. I'm here looking for a couple of people who
owe my brother a debt of honour, OK?"
Nabiki snorted. "Face it, lady. You're outta your depth. Bet you didn't
expect us nutball shapeshifters to have access to T-74 tanks, did you?"
Mi Soon rolled her eyes. "Calm down, Nabiki. We've established she's not
from the psychotic Guild, so why are you getting so worked up?"
"Because I've already lost too much for one lifetime, you old bat! Dad,
Ranma, Ranko, Mortise, Ryoga, Mum - gone. Akane's going, I heard what
you said about that Shi-Shi whatsity thing."
"Akane's a tough girl. She'll make it."
"Yeah right! You said everyone else who ever used that attack committed
suicide!"
"The fact she hasn't killed herself yet makes me for one think she
won't. All four others died within two hours... plus there's the fact
it's extremely hard for a werewolf to kill herself."
"Whoopie snot. We both know what complete psychopaths demon hunters
are."
"Nabiki, you're thinking about as clearly as Akira ever did. Stop trying
to pick fights you need your Hind D to win."
"When dealing with humans I happen to trust Mr. Sub-Machine Gun.
Werewolves and vampires can survive an MP5 clip in the face. Humans
can't."
Mi Soon sighed. "Let's put it another way. Unless you stop being a twit
I'll punch your lights out."
Nabiki glared at her. "Well don't blame me when we find aconite in the
Weetabix." She turned and stormed off.
Mi Soon rolled her eyes and turned back to Yukiko.
"Alright. Exactly what do you want with us? I'll have you know we're
allied to JGSDF 604 Special Operations Group and Clan Saotome."
"It's my brother's fight. He owes a pair of Saotomes one hell of a
kicking."
"Please remember that we - as in the Tendo bloodline and the Reformist
Joketsuzo Amazons - are inextricably involved with Clan Saotome."
"So the Saotome's and Joketsuzoku finally settled it? We're looking for
a werebear named Genma Saotome and his son Ranma Saotome."
"You are? Well, Genma Saotome is presently comatose due to injuries
suffured during a recent battle and Lord Ranma is presently MPG."
"You what? MPG? Lord?"
"Missing presumed gone. We don't think he's dead but we don't know where
the hell he is and I for one don't think he's presently in this
universe. And - unless we find a corpse when we find him - he is the
present Lord Packmaster of Clan Saotome since the previous Lord
Packmaster Akira Saotome died on the toothsome end of Genma two weeks
ago."
Yukiko whistled. "Clan Saotome's gotten a new Packmaster? That's the
first I heard about it."
"Not surprised; you're not Red Hanovan. We know, the Record Keeper
knows, now you know. That's it."
"Hmph. Shapeshifter internal politics aren't my problem, though just
between you and me it's about time Clan Saotome got rid of that
megalomaniac Akira person."
"Akira had a lot of innocent blood on his hands; I'm sad to say since
I'm Akira's sister but poor Genma did the world a service."
"I suspect a lot of people'd share that - oh SHIT."
The 'Oh Shit' came as a certain decrepit Land-Rover rounded the corner.
What Ukyo Kounji saw as his Landrover rounded the corner of the street
near the Saotome-Tendo-Hibiki house was his sister facing down two blue
haired, camo clad, assault rifle - toting teenage girls.
He immediately gave the 4x4's throttle pedal a hefty stomp.
Yukiko broke for cover the instant Ukyo's Land-Rover lurched and started
rapidly gaining speed, it's knobbly tyres screaming as he engaged the
four wheel drive and floored the throttle.
The nearest piece of hard cover was the wrecked tank. She did an
exquisite backflip, scooping her Mini-Uzi off the ground as her hands
touched down then sprang in a ki-fuelled jump onto the damaged tank
turret. The hatches had been flung open when the crew baled out; inside
it was burnt and blackened. She could smell burnt meat. The way she
landed was flat on her back on the floor.
There was a scorched JGSDF tanker's boot near her face. She nearly puked
when she realised there was still a foot in it.
Ukyo saw where Yukiko dived to; he stomped on the brakes, skidding the
4x4 to a halt beside the wrecked tank.
"Sis! Get in quick!"
The drivers door window exploded inwards and someone grabbed his hair
and yanked him out, threw him on the ground and rammed an AK47 against
the back of his skull. The other AK-armed Amazon jumped onto the tank
turret and pulled a grenade out of her back pocket.
"Lose your gun and get outta there or I'm gonna give you an HE-Frag
present."
Yukiko's shaky voice came out of the wreck.
"It's okay, I'm coming."
She gingerly lifted herself out of the turret and offered the Uzi to the
woman, butt first.
"Ukyo, you're a goddamn idiot. I'd nearly talked them down when you had
to show up and wreck an hour's work."
"Put the gun on the turret deck, demon hunter. And keep your hands where
I can see them."
"This guy's packing a pair of Glock 17's. What the hell, they're loaded
with those multirole slugs Magus Kirth uses... he hasn't got a Guild
bracelet."
Yukiko let out a frightened moan. "Oh hell, Ukyo... why'd you ever get
involved in this? Don't hurt him... please? He's a civilian, I'm the
demon hunter, if you want to shoot either of us it's me."
Ukyo spat out his mouthful of dirt. "Stop trying to be some sort of damn
hero, sis. We're in this together, remember?"
"Shut up, jackass! I'm trying to save your fucking life here!"
Mi Soon snorted. "Cool down, Kounji. We are members of a civilised
military, we do not needlessly slaughter innocent people. And if ordered
to we would take up our guns and swords and overthrow whatever despotic
regime had given the orders. We are after all supposed to be the 'bad'
shapeshifters."
Yukiko gave her a blank look. "Huh? Shouldn't that be-"
"Clan Saotome are the bad shapeshifters. Clan Hakkenan are the *worse*
shapeshifters. I'm sure that given the choice you'd prefer the lesser of
two evils, in other words us."
***********************************
Nabiki kickstarted her bike; the traverse twin rattled into life. A
grunt and two slight trails of bluish smoke beside her announced that
she wasn't the only biker still resident at the Saotome-Tendo-Hibiki
home.
Lime grinned cockily at her. "Hey, Nabs! Let's Rock!"
The snarl from Lime's Rover engined bike completely drowning out
Nabiki's CB500.
Nabiki smirked and flipped the switch that engaged the turbo. Ranma had
somehow arranged it to be switchable, an engineering trick that was
completely past Nabiki's range of mechanical knowledge. The turbo spun
up and started sucking air in with a growing whine, audible even over
the growl from the Rover straight six.
They zoomed out of the driveway, spitting twin lines of blue smoke from
their bike's tyres.
Mi Soon watched them go. She snorted and turned back to her book.
***********************************
Nabiki smirked to herself. Despite having an eighth of the engine
capacity she was keeping ahead of Lime with ease.
The two ratbikes zoomed onto the high street. Then Nabiki saw something
- or rather someone - that made her jam the brakes on.
A teenage girl with long red hair tied back in a ponytail and the front
roughly cropped off. Dressed in a battered black leather jacket with an
eight pointed star of chaos on the back, mirrorshades and flared denim
jeans. Walking with a slight but noticeable limp.
"Ranko! It is you, isn't it?"
The redhead removed her sunglasses, revealing that right enough her eyes
were red. "Do I know you?"
"It's me, Nabiki, you twat!"
Ranko shook her head. "I... I don't remember."
"Shit, Ranko! What's wrong with you?"
"I CAN'T REMEMBER A DAMN THING, OK? I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO THE HELL I
AM!"
***********************************
"Interesting."
Nabiki glared at Mi Soon. "Is that all you can say?"
"Oh, it's just that I've never even heard of a vampire getting amnesia
before."
Ranko goggled. "Hold on, back a bit. Vampire?"
"You mean you've even forgotten what you are? Sweet Dana, you ki's low."
Mi Soon glanced back at Nabiki. "I figure she hasn't fed in the last two
weeks."
Nabiki nodded. "Figures."
"Well, we'd better give her some blood before she dusts."
"Blood?"
"You're a vampire, kid. You need to ingest ki on a regular basis or
you'll collapse into a pile of dust. It's lucky Nabiki and Lime found
you when they did - you've got approximately enough ki to last you
another six to eight hours. You may be wondering why blood. Well, it's
the simplest source of ki."
"This is just too fuckin' weird."
"You don't know the half of it. Your family are werewolves and your
mother is a demon hunter. Your boyfriend is also a vampire. I too am a
werewolf."
"Bullshit."
Mi Soon proved her point by the simple expedient of shapeshifting.
***********************************
The remaining family were sat round the table trying to digest the news.
Kasumi kept muttering 'Wow, man..." to herself. Mi Soon looked smug.
Happosai carefully examined Ranko and started mumbling about
experiments. Akane just sat and stared at the floor.
It was shaping up to be a completely typical evening.
Nabiki went crosseyed. She'd had enough.
"STOP THE GODDAMN MOPING!"
There was a dead silence. Everyone was staring at her like she had just
grown a third arm.
She whirled and grabbed Akane by the choker. "So Ranma got himself blown
to God-knows-where. You heard Honda as well as I did, there wasn't
enough power in that goddamn explosion to vaporise much of anything, let
anone three fucking people, HE IS GOING TO BE BACK! So Shampoo got put
in a coma. IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF FUCKING TIME BEFORE SHE COMES OUT OF
IT! You were there when Mi Soon told us that! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EARS!
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FUCKING LOST SOMEONE! We've all been through
it, remember? You ain't the only one who loves Ranma, we all miss that
crazy sonofabitch... Jesus fucking wept, I am OUT of here. I've had
enough of this bullshit, I'm going to go polish my helicopter or
something. Let me know when you CUT THE GODDAMN CRAP!"
She turned and stormed out to where her Hind D was parked. Mao Xing was
fiddling with it's engines again.
Nabiki glared at the Chinese boy.
"Prep her, I'm going to go unwind. Someone tell Honda so the JASDF don't
crap themselves."
"Nabiki..."
Nabiki turned and glared at Akane, who had chosen that moment to walk
outside. The glare was pretty pointless since Akane couldn't see it.
"What now?"
Akane shot a sad little smile in the direction Nabiki's voice was coming
from.
"Thanks... I needed that."
The Great Dameramu would like to point out that this chapter is
complete.
NOTES
Next - Another reappearance, an awakening, an extremely smug Happosai
and somebody getting very pissed off indeed...
Laters,
Calum 'Doghead' Wallace.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Artic - The UK term for a semi truck. Short for 'articulated lorry'.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off. Derived from 'bin' as in
'rubbish bin' (the British term for a trash can)
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil. Comes in a spray can and
looks a bit like snot.
Conrod (connecting rod) - The bit of metal that connects the piston to
the crankshaft. Shaped approximately like a flat dumbbell.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run
it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will
start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and
contracts.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back
wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on. Not to be
confused with the primary drive - the chain/sprocket or belt/pulleys
between the engine and gearbox.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to
aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower
boost.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes they make).
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars and some high performance
bikes.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much
of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability
stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke
engine.
Honda 250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the
CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.
Honda 500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier
frame.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show
it's age.
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the
ignition.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as
possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the
forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. A steering damper is
essential for disabled bikers who have lost the use of one arm as
without it there's no way you'd be able to steer at low speed or pull
away one armed.
Stocker - unmodified factory-built vehicle; I think this comes from the
term 'sales stock'.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Toby - An Inverness Collegeism; slang meaning something along the lines
of widget, gizmo or thingy. Derived from angling parlarance (toby = a
small wooden fish used as a lure.) May be related to the epithet 'Toby
Tishbein' and can be said 'Tobyracho' for no apparent reason. (I'm not
making this up! Honest!)
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as
triple clamps in the US.
JASDF - Japanese Air Self Defence Force. The Japanese air force.
JGSDF - Japanese Ground Self Defence Force. The ground forces arm of the
Japanese military.
JSDF - Japanese Self Defence Force. The collective Japanese armed
forces.
What likes - Slack Scottish grammar. Means something along the lines of
'please could you explain that'. Only considerably less posh.
Wheelie bin - a square green plastic trashcan about the size of a normal
bin, with a flip top and two wheels.