[Ranma][Fanfic] four wishes gone wrong?
Gregg Sharp
a quick laugh by gregg sharp,
this is not meant to be anything but
a brief chuckle. if you want Great Meanings,
go read Krista Perry's stuff or something else.
an e-mail i got indicated that things were
about as insane as they could get in Astrild's
Restaurant. i disagree...
4 Wishes Gone Wrong, a spamfic collection
kinda thing by metro...@mindspring.com
---------------------------------------------
SIMPLY IRRESISTABLE
Hours later, Ranma held the sword in
front of himself and was sitting in the Tendo-ke.
"...and so Kuno told the sword to
grant the pigtailed girl a wish." Ranma stared
in frustration at the sword. "I tried wishing for
the sword to cure my curse, and it buzzed at
me saying that there was a conflict."
"I see," Kasumi said. "If you
wished yourself free of the curse, you would
not be the pigtailed girl, and therefore the
sword would not have granted the pigtailed
girl a wish. Oh my."
Everyone stared briefly at Kasumi.
"Serves the pervert right," Akane
said, sipping her tea. "Honestly, the way you
acted around Kuno..."
"Hey! It's not my fault! You see
what it's like with a curse like this, and see how
well you cope. Geez, I got girls coming onto
me in boyform, guys coming onto me in my
girlform, and nobody listens to me in either
form!"
"You're just too irresistable for
your own good, Saotome," Nabiki smirked.
Ranma's life was never boring. "Everybody
just absolutely LOVES Ranma."
"Well, if they could get along with
each other as well..." Kasumi said aloud, thinking
that most of the problems came from jealousy and
Ranma's inability to bring himself to hurt any of
the various fiancees in question. Thereby hurting
all of them. Not that she would say this aloud.
"Yeah, I wish." Ranma placed both
hands over his mouth, eyes wide as he realized
what he had just said. His mind replayed the
likely wish as a Statement Of Doom.
"Granted," said the sword, teleporting
away to return to the temple that Kuno had drawn
it from.
Ranma swallowed, his eyes flicking
over and up in response to the odd clatter of a
sewing basket dropping.
Kasumi was staring at him as if she had
never seen him before, a delicate blush stealing over
her features.
Ranma's eyes flicked to the side as Nabiki
abruptly began running a finger over his arm, her eyes
half-lidded as she studied him.
Ranma swallowed again and his eyes flicked
to the other side where Akane was now the same color
her name described. She was staring at him with a
definite
sparkly look to her eyes.
"Uh oh." Ranma estimated possible escape routes.
He took one.
------------------------------------
"Ranchan!" Ukyou hit the ground at a run. She
noticed the girls running next to her. "Hey, you're new
around here, aren't you?"
The girl on the right nodded. "Honey Kisaragi."
The girl on the left did a two finger wave. "Minako
Aino."
A girl a little past Minako grinned. "Madoka Ayukawa."
"Well, I'm Ukyou Kuonji." Ukyou grinned as she
caught sight of a pigtail up ahead. She pointed at a
girl about
three back in the pack. "See that girl over there?
That's Nabiki
Tendo. She'll set you up with your membership card, a
nice little
spread of photos of Ranchan, and a copy of his
schedule."
"Thanks," Honey said with a grin.
"AAAAAaaaaaa!" The scream at the front of the line
came as Ranma realized he'd just passed an all-girl's
school.
There was a brief pause before the crowd burst out
of the school, joining the current pack.
"AAAAAaaaaa!"
"OhHOhoHOhoHO!"
"Ranma, how dare you flirt with," Ryouga stood
in the roadway and blinked as Ranma passed him. "Oh no,
not again."
<THUD> "Oh, sorry, Ryouga. I didn't see you there."
Akane called back over her shoulder at the fallen lost
boy.
<WHAM> "Oh my."
<CRUNCH> "Hmmm. Maybe I should include a street
map of Nerima in the next version of the book."
<TRAMPLE> "He runs just like my sempai."
<BLAM> "Shampoo think all this running is
tightening airen's butt. What you think, Benten?"
"DAMN STRAIGHT!"
"Daaaarliiiing!"
<STOMP> "Oooo. I stepped in something."
"Roguespierre! Roguespierre!"
Dozens of footprints adorning his body, Ryouga
slowly regained his feet. "Damn, either they're getting
heavier,
or I'm getting out of shape. Ahhh, Ranko, soon I shall
find a
way to free you of your evil Ranma body and we can be
together..."
----------------------------
Ranma, racing ahead of the pack, felt an awful chill
pass along his spine. Still he was almost safe, they
wouldn't
pursue him THERE.
Ranma ducked into the Boy's Club and hid in his
usual locker. With any luck, they'd go away.
He hadn't noticed that on Fridays they were co-ed.
---------------------------
if a glimpse into THAT wasn't sufficiently sick &
twisted, how
about:
"You're just too irresistable for
your own good, Saotome," Nabiki smirked.
Ranma's life was never boring. "Everybody
just absolutely LOVES Ranma."
"Yeah, I w---. Damn, almost said it."
"Hmph," continued Akane. "You're
always getting yourself into these problems, Ranma,
and it's always your fault. Pervert."
"Why," Ranma turned eyes heavenward,
"did I have to get engaged to an uncute tomboy?"
"Because, Saotome," Nabiki started ticking
points off on her fingers. "You're not rich or
particularly
intelligent, you suffer from chronic foot-in-mouth
disease, you're also a coward in everything but a
fight,
which makes you completely unsuitable for me. You're
not old enough or mature enough for Kasumi. Your
curse turns you into a girl, which both I and Kasumi
find revolting. Need I go on?"
"Airen!"
"Ranchan!"
Ranma's head slumped. "Oh no."
"Ranma! How could you invite them
over!?" Akane managed to give Ranma a hurt look.
"Actually, sis, I gave them the option of
buying an info service where I call them whenever
Ranma's about to go off on an adventure or do something
that might impact their relationship with him." Nabiki
smirked. "This qualified."
"Hey, Ranchan, if you're gonna wish,
why don't you wish to marry the fiancee that
really loves you?" Ukyou smirked, knowing that
neither Akane nor Shampoo could compete in
that arena.
Ranma looked up, that actually didn't
sound too bad. He tried to think of what would be
so bad about that one.
Nabiki huffed arrogantly. "Oh, get it
_over_ with, Saotome. There is no single thing that
can solve all the problems _you've_ managed to
accumulate. You _know_ that whatever you wish
will just make your problems worse anyway. Why
not just give it up?"
Ranma looked downcast at the table.
"Well, Kasumi?"
"Ranma?"
"Everyone _else_ seems to have something
to add, I just thought I'd give you an opportunity to
throw in your bit as well, is all." Ranma's voice was
bitter.
Here he had something that could end his curse, and he
couldn't get any help in figuring out how to do it.
"BAKA!" Akane's eyes glittered. "I know how
to solve your problems, but you don't want to ask me,
do
you?"
"You do? You're not kidding me?"
"Tell the sword to grant MY wish, then I
can simply wish you were cured. Since it doesn't
involve
the pigtailed girl, it should work." Akane raised an
eyebrow, daring anyone to see a problem with that.
"Akane, that's...good." Ranma stared at his
fiancee, amazed that someone who still didn't know that
P-chan was Ryouga could figure out such an elegant
solution to his problem.
Akane graciously took the sword.
"Airen, no, don't! Shampoo no trust
Violent Pervert Girl."
"She's right, Ranma-honey. Akane's on
the right track, but definitely NOT the one you want
to trust on delicate matters."
"HEY!" Akane glowered at the other two
fiancees present. "Like YOU'D do any better?"
Ukyou nodded, thinking as rapidly as
possible. "I would wish that his curse be removed,
and that he doesn't have to face that cooking of
yours anymore. That would be two curses removed!"
"Or Akane could simply wish that she
could cook," Nabiki said with a snicker.
"HEY!"
"Akane such weak fighter. Maybe airen should
wish that he married to strong fighter who love him?"
Shampoo smiled, knowing that neither Ukyou nor Akane
were anywhere near her own level. Shampoo hugged Ranma,
sticking her tongue out at Akane behind Ranma's back.
"HEY, I am NOT a weak fighter!"
Ukyou, Shampoo, and Nabiki chuckled.
"Aw, c'mon, Akane. Just make the wish, you
know you don't stand a chance in a real fight with
Shampoo."
With a glance around at her betrayers,
Akane felt a red haze snap into place. "I wish you
all would fight me for real, then we could see..."
Akane's voice trailed off and her eyes
widened as she realized what she'd said. "Oops."
===========================================
or, using the same scene...
"Hey, Ranchan, if you're gonna wish,
why don't you wish to marry the fiancee that
really loves you?" Ukyou smirked, knowing that
neither Akane nor Shampoo could compete in
that arena.
Ranma looked up, that actually didn't
sound too bad. He tried to think of what would be
so bad about that one.
Nabiki huffed arrogantly. "Oh, get it
_over_ with, Saotome. There is no single thing that
can solve all the problems _you've_ managed to
accumulate. You _know_ that whatever you wish
will just make your problems worse anyway. Why
not just give it up?"
"Y'know, Ukyou, you might have something
there." Ranma looked off in the distance. "That WOULD
settle a few problems."
Shampoo smirked, knowing that she was
Ranma's best choice because she was a skilled fighter.
Akane frowned, knowing that she was Ranma's
best choice but they weren't ready to be married yet.
Ukyou smiled. Now she would have the best revenge.
Living happily ever after!
Nabiki scowled. If he pursued this line of reasoning,
there was every chance she'd lose a considerable source
of
income.
Kasumi didn't look up from her sewing. The "wa"
of the house could be maintained.
"Wishbringer, I wish that I were married to the
girl who could make me happiest, whom I could make the
happiest, who could accept me, whom I could accept, who
wouldn't scare me, who loved me and wanted me to be
happy, and we were someplace safe where we could
do a happily ever after kinda thing." Ranma thought
this
would protect him from Kodachi, yet leave him with a
reasonable chance of getting away if he were attacked.
Ranma vanished.
"I'm still here?" Akane said, surprised.
"I'm still here?" Ukyou frowned.
"Why I still here?!" Shampoo got upset.
"I don't know," said Nabiki with a thoughtful
look. "Do you suppose he's with Kodachi?"
"I don't know. What do you think, Kasumi?"
Everyone's head swiveled to the empty cushion
and came to the same conclusion, followed a moment
later
by the same statement.
"Ranma No Baka!"
Akane fumed. "Someone who wouldn't scare him."
Nabiki covered her eyes. "She likes to cook, he likes
to eat. Good grief."
"Someone who accept him?" Shampoo frowned
some more. "Shampoo thought airen like enthusiasm."
Ukyou shuddered and got up. "Well, where do
you suppose they went?"
------------------------------
Really, really, far away:
"Ranma, you don't have to carry me."
"It's OK, Kasumi. Let's see what's in that
castle."
========================================
a concept i may have to somehow work into A Very Scary
Bet,
if Jared-san doesn't use it...
Wild Honey. char owned by various others.
strange
kinda fusion come up with by metro...@mindspring.com
------------------------------------------
A demon and a cat were sitting in a bar.
Well, actually
the demon was "slumming" because he didn't have
anywhere
else to go, and the cat wasn't a cat. But you knew
that.
"Damn Aesir," said the demon, adjusting his
icepack.
"I ain't no 'hellspawn' and why do they gotta be so
violent?"
"You tried to organize an anime club. In
Asgard. Using
subtitled tapes of series nobody's heard of. THEN you
started
fixing okonomiyaki!"
"Damn Aesir," repeated the demon swigging
deeply
of his drink.
"Shouldn't you go easier on that stuff? You've
had, what,
three so far?" The cat shook his head.
"Nah. I don't have a lactose intolerance any
more. Ed!
Another Coney Island Special." Grey considered how only
this disreputable section of Asgard could have a soda
jerk
who was a dark elf named Ed.
Ed walked up and regarded the demon with amber
eyes. "I agree with Coyote here. You've had enough,
sugar."
Grey grumbled but couldn't bring himself to yell
at
her. Edema had troubles too.
"What YOU need is to get your mind off your
troubles!"
Toltiir proclaimed in the manner which caused more
prudent
beings to seek shelter. "Behold!"
The mirrors behind the bar fogged up.
"You better clean up when you're done, kitty
cat." Ed glared at the Trickster.
"Please, my dear Edema. I'm not certain other
mischievous spirits. Observe three scenes from the same
timeline, though at different times and locations."
Demon and dark elf observed.
A blackhaired boy who looked very familiar,
sitting in a bar with tear tracks running down his
face.
"Ranma Saotome," said the deity of
mischief. "The darkest day of his life. The divorce has
just been finalized and he is Alone. And likely will be
for life and he knows it. The tender moments between
he and Akane grew further and further apart at the end,
till they stopped entirely."
"Heavy," agreed the dark elf. "Is that Irish
looking guy he's talking with one of your avatars?"
"Merely a shadow projected into his
presence. Ranma is talking about all the mistakes he
made, and how he somehow turned into his own
father. Not bad in the Art, but not adept at Life. Or
this moment over here."
Another mirror cleared, revealing a woman
in a scene out of a holocaust. A bombed out building,
and the red-haired girl cradled a young man's body to
her and silently wailed her grief to the Heavens.
"The young man is named Chokkei Danbei,
and he has just been killed by an agent of a Darkness
known as Panther Zora. The woman is actually a
superbly crafted, well, android is the common belief.
Her name is Honey Kisaragi."
The third section of mirror cleared, revealing
a middle aged blonde woman, who watches the couples
passing her by in the mall, sipping on something
clearly
alcoholic. A faint trail of wetness can be seen on her
cheek.
"And here we have Minako Aino, who
went from being the lone champion of
justice, to a starring team-member, to someone who
was relegated to the second string, and finally to
a soldier in peacetime. And one unappreciated for
the most part. Even her cat left her, to go start a
family with the cat of a certain princess. She is now
more alone than she's ever been in her life."
"Geez, that's all pretty dark. No offense,
Ed." The dark elf shrugged while the demon paused.
"Ain't your style at all, you usually TRY for happy
endings, Puck."
Toltiir looked a little annoyed at the
use of an old name of his, but let it pass. "Yes it is.
Now hold on while I turn up the sound."
"I...just wish..." Ranma sighed, a
melancholy ache in his heart.
"...that somehow, someway,...."
Honey told the still form in her arms.
"...I could do it all over again,"
said Minako with a sniffle.
"...and make things come out
better this time!" Ranma finished.
"That I could have made
more of a difference," added Honey
as her own wounds began shutting her down.
"that I'd been better at all that
stuff," Minako added with a vague gesture.
"...that I could've had someone
who actually loved me. Not a dojo pledge,
not a dowry stealing, not any of this stupid
Law of Strength," grumbled Ranma.
The sound of Ed's blender suddenly
switching on nearly caused the demon to fall out
of his seat. Ed was clutching her chest and
glaring at the cat on the counter.
The cat was grinning again and
turned a mad expression towards the two others.
"It's showtime!"
-------------------------------
Genma knocked his son towards
the spring. The boy impacted the water.
Then a series of bolts of lightning
interrupted the Guide talking about Nyannichuan.
Each of the bolts struck the spring directly.
A moment later, a redhaired girl
floated to the surface of the Spring.
-------------------------------
Nabiki considered carefully the
small group before her. "A curse? A gift?
Which is it?"
"Curse," said Ranma immediately.
"Gift," declared Shampoo simultaneously.
"Well, can you demonstrate for us?"
Akane was a little skeptical. Curses? In this day and
age?
"Nabiki? Do you swear never to reveal
what I'm about to do here?"
"Okay, Ranma." Nabiki smirked. "I'll
swear. Don't think that this'll get you out of this
engagement thing though, Daddy's pretty
stubborn."
"That's right. It couldn't be so bad
that it will stand in the way of the marriage."
Soun directed a glare towards Genma who seemed
to be a little intimidated by his own son.
"You do it?" Shampoo blinked, then
grinned and bounced up and down a few times.
"Shampoo just love this! Yes!"
"Honey Splash!" Ranma touched
the odd mark near the juncture of neck and
shoulder and suddenly seemed to be surrounded
by water that didn't touch anything else.
For a moment, it seemed his clothing
had washed away, then his form was obscured
for another heartbeat. When the moment had passed,
a busty redhaired woman twirled, clothing
being formed out of the watery column to cover
her nakedness. Even though the water had
somehow obscured the naughty bits during
the entire transformation sequence.
There were the sounds of jaws
dropping all over the living room.
"Ai no senshi, Wild Honey," the
woman proclaimed with a wink.
"Oh my," Kasumi summed up.
"Yaaay! Do other one! Final
stage transformation that reason Great
Grandmama send Shampoo with friend Ranma
to help defend Earth (and Amazon Village)
from evil bad guys!" Shampoo was bouncing
in such a way, that if this were live action, it
would be banned from primetime in the United
States. And probably put the program in the
top 40 anyway.
"Venus Crystal Power! Make UP!"
Another dazzling transformation
sequence occurred.
If anything, the jaws had dropped
further.
----------------------------
"Okay. Ranma can turn into Honey,
and Honey can change to a Senshi."
"Toltiir, you gotta learn restraint."
The cat pawsed. "Restraint? What's
that? Sounds uncomfortable..."
----------------------------
and if this isn't strange enough...
Ranma: "Giant robot? Why didn't you tell me we've got a
giant robot?"
PQ: "It wasn't the right moment. Couldn't do that until
the Angels started
showing up. Besides, it requires more than one
hero to operate it."
Ranma: "How many? Define hero."
Angel: <THOOM!>
PQ: "4 Heroes. Well, a hero has to have a brave heart.
Uhm. Does heroic things
I guess..."
Ranma: "Gotcha. We got a teleporter or somethin' to
grab 'em with?"
PQ: (hesitates despite really huge opponent is now
within sight) "Y-yeah..."
Ranma: (anxious) "Summon the giant robot!"
(one Giant Robot Summoning Sequence)
Ranma: (offscreen while screen shows Iczer kinda robo)
"...and her, and her, and her."
Voice #1: "Aiyah! Shampoo at...weapons console? Shampoo
get to kick major butt
in this scene? Shampoo LIKE!"
Voice #2: "Hey! I had a deluxe okonomiyaki on the
grill. This better be important. AHHH!
that thing's heading for my
restaraunt! Kill it!"
Voice #3: "Oh my!"
PQ: "Uhm. I kinda understand Shampoo and Ukyou. But
Kasumi?!"
Ranma: "She takes care of her family, putting her own
life on hold, sacrificing her
own dreams to make sure they're taken
care of. That should be sufficiently
heroic."
Kasumi: "Why thank you, Ranma-kun."
Ranma: "Besides, she's the only adult I could think of
who acts in a responsible manner
that wouldn't want to be in the control
seat."
Kasumi: "Thanks...i think."
============================
gregg san
--
=============================================
http://metroanime.home.mindspring.com/
metro...@mindspring.com
"still searching, still dreaming, still alone."
-N.Brazil, "Midnight at the
Well of Souls"