[Ranma][FanFic] The Taming of the Horse (part 1/6)
Vincent Seifert
The Taming of the Horse
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seif...@csus.edu)
TotH webpage: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/index.htm
Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1998
by Takahashi Rumiko. Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan
Inc. Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc. This work
is not intended to infringe those rights.
Fanfic type:
* yet another volume 38 continuation
* manga continuity (ignores anime)
* slightly more serious than the manga, but not "dark"
* Possibly WAFFy, funny, and/or angsty in places; YMMV.
TASS voting category: probably a mini-series, darn it. :)
Warnings:
* mild profanity (like that in the Japanese manga)
* occasional violence (likewise)
* adult, or at least adolescent, concepts (manga again)
* in Chapter 10, non-explicit sexual activity ("lime")
~~~~~ Prologue ~~~~~
Ranma ran to school with Akane, as he had a couple of
hundred times before, but this time when the fence by the canal
came up, he didn't run along its top rail. It was too easy to
fall in from there, and if he fell in he might be too far from
Akane if.... His head swiveled back and forth. His eyes roved
constantly, sweeping the rooftops and alleys.
Akane noticed and slowed to a walk. He matched her stride,
staying about an armlength away, and stopped when she stopped.
"What's the matter, Ranma?"
He glanced at her once, and then his eyes went back to
sweeping. "Nothin'." *Saffron. Shampoo. Kiima. Happosai.
Spirits. Demons. Whatever. They're not gonna get ya.*
She studied him for a moment and then her lips curved into
that small, fond, possessive smile that warmed his heart and
unsettled his stomach. "Sure. Come on, we're almost there."
She started running again.
Kuno Tatewaki was standing in his usual spot before the
school steps, holding his bokken. Ranma slowed from his trot a
little after Akane did and walked out ahead of her. "Hey, Kuno,
what's up?"
"Silence, Saotome! Prepare thyself to face the just wrath
of Heaven! I shall smite thee for thy transgressions against all
womankind! HA!" Kuno advanced rapidly to engage Ranma, feinted,
and struck. There was a sudden blur, his palms stung, and the
bokken left his grip. He looked down at his empty hands.
Ranma, standing a couple of yards away, flipped Kuno's
bokken into the air and caught it. "Lookin' for this?" He
thrust it deep into the tree behind him, where it vibrated for a
moment. Ranma stepped back to Akane's side.
"You cur!" Kuno ran to the tree, seized the bokken, and
tried to draw it forth, but it was firmly held by the living
wood. He turned to see Ranma's expected slight smirk and Akane's
neutral expression. He took a couple of steps toward Ranma,
hands working at his sides.
Ranma sighed and slid forward into an exaggerated ready
stance. "Want ta try it my way, huh?" Kuno stared into Ranma's
eyes, and saw something there that hadn't been there before the
trip to China... or was something missing? The thought held him
long enough for Ranma to decide he wouldn't attack.
"Hey, Kuno, we can do this again any time ya like." The
smirk disappeared. "Just don't bring a katana like ya did to the
wedding. Someone might get hurt." The smirk reappeared. "Looks
like someone wants ta talk to you." Ranma pointed to one side of
Kuno with his chin and turned away.
"Look, sonny," the gardener began as Akane and Ranma started
up the front steps, "I don't care what you do to each other, but
leave the landscaping out of it. You think trees grow on trees
or something? It takes years of work-- MY work-- and you kids
just chop 'em down or shred them into excelsior or, or run
bokkens through them...."
~~~~~
Akane stood outside the girls' locker room, glaring at onna-
Ranma, who was wearing girls' gym shorts and top. "I don't care
if you look like a girl, you're NOT a girl, and you're not coming
in here!"
"But, Akane, what if..." Ranma began.
"'What if' what?!"
Ranma sagged. "Nothin'."
~~~~~
Onna-Ranma crept into the home-ec class, wearing a smock and
headcloth, and looked around for Akane. A sudden foreboding made
her glance over her shoulder.
"Honestly, Ranma, what do you think you're doing?" Akane
said, crossing her arms. Other girls started coming up around
her. Ranma cringed. Some of them were carrying frying pans.
That roasting fork looked awfully sharp, too....
"Heh. Heh. See ya!" She left hastily. Akane grimaced and
went back to her station.
~~~~~
Akane faced onna-Ranma down outside the girls' bathroom.
"NO!!"
~~~~~
Ranma stuck close to Akane right through the dojo gate, and
then leapt onto the roof and was gone. Akane watched him go and
shook her head. She went inside, dropped her bag in her room,
and fell on her bed. She heard a faint scrape of roof tiles and
knew that Ranma was still on the roof above her room.
*...guarding?* Suddenly the whole exasperating day made sense,
and her expression reflected mingled annoyance and affection.
She turned over and looked up at the ceiling. *I can't
stand it any more. I have to talk to someone. Not Ranma, darn
it. Not Father. Definitely not Nabiki....* She rolled to her
feet and left her room.
Akane found Kasumi working on a flower arrangement in her
room. "Kasumi? Can I, um, talk to you?"
Kasumi turned to look up at her, smiled, and gestured to the
mat beside her. "Well, of course, sister." Akane closed the
door and came to kneel beside her elder sister. "Now, what's
this all about? Ranma-kun?"
"I guess." Akane picked up a bit of stem and started
fiddling with it. "Or maybe it's about me. I just wish I knew
how to make Ranma be nicer to me. I wish he'd take me places,
like other guys take their, um, girlfriends."
Kasumi turned half away, picked up a sprig of some plant
Akane didn't know from bamboo, and trimmed a little off one end.
"Well, Akane, I'm not sure what I can tell you. After all, I'm
not the one who had dozens of boys chasing after her. I don't go
out on dates. I've never had a strong, handsome fiance." There
was no trace of an edge to Kasumi's usual soft voice, but Akane
stared at her profile, appalled.
"Oh, Kasumi...." Then something clicked. "'Strong,
handsome fiance'? You, you're not...?"
Kasumi laughed a little, lifting one hand to cover her
mouth. "Oh, my, no. He's not my type at all." She looked out
the window. "Sometimes I wonder what my type is...." She smiled
at Akane. "But that doesn't mean I don't have eyes. I can see
what Shampoo sees, and Ukyo, and Kodachi... and you."
Akane blushed and started to stammer denials, but without
much heat.
Kasumi put down her shears and held up her hand. "Sister."
She stared at Akane, not smiling now, until Akane blushed again
and fell silent. "If you really don't want him, I'll talk to
Father about releasing you from the engagement." She paused,
waiting for the tiny shake of the head that was all Akane could
manage. "So. You don't have to admit the truth to him just yet,
but if you don't admit it to yourself, you can still keep
yourself from happiness."
"I can what?"
Kasumi smiled again. "If you don't know what you want, only
luck will make you happy. If you know what you want, you can
plan for it and work toward it." The smile dimmed. "I won't
give you advice. I'm not... I'm not Mother." There was no edge
this time either, and only a trace of a quaver. "But if you want
someone to talk with about your problems, sister to sister, I'd
be glad to." The smile returned. "My goodness, I'll probably
learn something from you!"
Akane, who had looked like she was about to prove that she
was her father's daughter, toppled sideways and came up laughing.
"Sure, I'll tell you everything you need to know about punishing
bakas, being kidnapped by monsters, and frustrating two
generations of Kunos!" She sobered. "But Kasumi... what about
your happiness? Until...." She gulped. "Until just now I
hadn't even thought that you might not be. I'm... I'm sorry."
"Oh, but I am happy. I know my work is appreciated,
especially since Ranma-kun and Saotome-no-ojisama came. And
their guests are so very entertaining. It's hard to remember how
dull life was before, isn't it?"
"I guess."
"Only... I miss Tofu-sensei since he left," Kasumi said
wistfully. "It could have been a good match."
*Sure, if he'd prescribed himself some tranquilizers,* Akane
thought but carefully refrained from saying. "I don't suppose
anyone has heard from him recently?" she asked instead.
"Not that I know of." Kasumi turned to look at Akane with
eyes that suddenly didn't seem vague at all. "Now, I must admit
to being curious about something. You and Ranma-kun told us all
what happened on your trip to China, but I couldn't help thinking
there were some parts you skimmed over. Why don't you tell me
about Jusendo?"
Akane blanched and shuddered. Kasumi watched her reaction
without seeming to, and waited for her sister to speak while
continuing with her arrangement.
~~~~~
Akane stopped outside the Furinkan library and turned to
Ranma. "Look, I'm going to be an hour working on that report on
livestock, so why don't you just go find something else to do?"
Ranma looked annoyed. "Why shouldn't I go in there?"
"The last time you went into the library, you got bored in
five minutes and started a book-war that took Nishimoto-sensei
four days to clear up, and she still blames me for it. Now I'm
going in there for an hour, and you're not. Deal with it."
Ranma's response was cut off by the slamming of the heavy
door. The old librarian glared at her from her desk, and Akane
grimaced. *Darn Ranma, he gets me in so much trouble!* She
tiptoed into the stacks. *Just stop thinking about him for an
hour....* She found the section where books on livestock should
be and browsed along the shelf. Her eye was caught by a kanji
character on a book spine because it was the same as the "ma" in
"Ranma"--
BAM!
Nishimoto looked up from her desk. "Surely not even Tendo
would abuse the shelving," she muttered to herself and returned
to the catalog card.
Akane got control of herself and yanked the offending book
off the shelf. "The Taming of the Horse: An Equestrian's Guide,"
she read on the cover. She started to put the book back, but
changed her mind. She took it to a table and started to read.
An hour later, Nishimoto looked up as Akane approached her
desk. Akane silently held out a book. The librarian glanced at
the title, checked it out, and handed it back. "I hope you find
it useful," she told Akane pleasantly. Akane blushed and left
hastily.
~~~~~
Akane finished washing the dishes and waited for Kasumi to
finish drying them and putting them away. "If you have a
minute..." she began.
Kasumi paused and turned towards her. "Yes, sister?"
"Well, there's something I'd like to chat with you about,"
Akane said. Kasumi looked around. No one else was in the
kitchen. "Privately," Akane added quietly.
Kasumi raised an eyebrow, but led Akane to her room. Akane
went to her own room, came back with her bookbag, and closed the
door.
"Um... Nabiki can't hear us, can she?" Akane asked
nervously, settling beside Kasumi.
Kasumi sighed. "Really, Akane, she knows better than that.
If I caught her eavesdropping on me, I would be quite vexed."
"She does it to me all the time, and I get a lot more than
vexed, but it doesn't stop her," Akane grumbled.
"Well, for you to be vexed is one thing...." Kasumi made a
vague gesture. "So, what would you like to chat about?"
"Oh, right." Akane opened her bookbag and pulled out "The
Taming of the Horse." "I found this book in the school library,
and it said some interesting things." She flipped through the
book, stopped at one of several bookmarks, and handed it to
Kasumi. "Like this... and here...."
Kasumi read, then gave Akane a puzzled look. "Are you
thinking of taking up riding?"
Akane flushed. "No! Um... while I was reading, it suddenly
occurred to me that some of the advice in the book fit... um...
me-and-Ranma."
Kasumi looked at the book, then looked at Akane and raised
both eyebrows. "If you don't mind my asking, who is to be the
rider and who the, ah, ridee?"
Akane facefaulted. "I'm the, um, trainer," she said when
she'd recovered. "Ranma's the horse. It was his name that gave
me the idea in the first place, sort of."
"I see." Kasumi turned back to the book and reread the
passages Akane had pointed out. "Oh, my. I do see."
"And here...." Akane flipped forward and pointed.
Kasumi read. "Oh, my goodness." She looked at Akane. "If
I were you, I would make sure Ranma-kun doesn't find out about
this. He might get the wrong idea." *Or the right one.*
Akane stared at her own twiddling thumbs. "I know. That's
one reason I was worried about Nabiki. I don't need to hide the
book-- I have to return it in two weeks anyway-- but I have to
hide what I'm up to." She looked up. "Do you think it'll work?"
she asked hopefully.
"Well...." Kasumi pondered. "Well, assuming you intend to
take the book's methods metaphorically rather than literally...."
Akane half-smiled. "I'm not going to put a bridle on him,
if that's what you mean." She leaned forward. "But I told you
about Jusendo. I'm sure he loves me. He's not sure I love him.
That's the only weapon I've got. If I just tell him right out,
I'll scare him off. The wedding proved that."
"Since you mention it, I was wondering about the wedding.
To tell you the truth, I was a little surprised that you went
along with it, after you put up such a fuss the first time."
"That was before Jusendo. That was when I was afraid Ranma
didn't love me. That was before...." Akane stopped. "I didn't
tell Father everything about Jusendo because... well, you know
how he is. But we came so close to dying there that it still
scares me. I thought if we could just be married, then
everything would be all right somehow." She snorted
indelicately. "I should have known it would all fall apart."
"It was quite a mess, wasn't it? I was expecting you to be
furious, or hurt, but you didn't hit poor Ranma-kun even
once...."
Akane grimaced. "I wasn't mad, I was... exasperated. I
gave that baka the perfect chance. I saw how he looked at me.
Why couldn't he just SAY it?!"
Kasumi made a palm-up gesture, clearly unable to shed any
light on Ranma's motivations. "Well, since you're sure he loves
you, you could just wait for him to tell you so, you know."
"I don't think we have time," Akane said grimly. "Half a
dozen times in the last year, it could have all gone wrong
forever. Mount Horai, Ryugenzawa, even those silly mushrooms.
No, I can't wait any more. I have to do something."
Kasumi studied her sister. "Akane... are you sure about
this?"
Akane closed her eyes and sighed. "Yes. Yes, I'm sure.
He's rude, insensitive, and immature, but I don't care. I want
him. I want him more than anything." She looked at Kasumi,
trembling a bit. "If I can be in control the way the book says,
I can... tame him. Just enough so he'll let himself be mine."
"You'll have to be in control of yourself even more," Kasumi
pointed out gently.
"I know. The book says that too. I have to be 'patient,
understanding, and firm.' It's harder to get mad at Ranma now
that I know how he really feels about me, though. I think I can
manage."
"What about the other girls?"
Akane sighed again. "I don't know. Sometimes I feel so, so
inadequate compared to them. But Ranma hasn't gone off with one
of them, so I must have a chance."
"Oh, I think you do. I think you have the best chance."
Kasumi smiled warmly at Akane.
"Do you suppose you could help, Kasumi?" Akane asked, giving
her sister a speculative look. "Ranma respects you. He's as
polite to you as he is to anyone. Maybe you could...."
Kasumi shook her head doubtfully. "If Ranma-kun respects
me, it's probably because I'm just about the only person he knows
who's not trying to get him to do anything. If I try to get him
to do something, even for you, I'll probably lose that without
doing any good."
"Hmph." Akane looked frustrated, but didn't argue the
point.
Kasumi relented. "Well, we'll see. I've been warning him
when I saw he was about to do something foolish, and that doesn't
seem to have done any harm." *Not that it did much good....*
"Everyone else has been meddling, and they've made a real
botch of it," Akane muttered. "It'd just be nice to have someone
on my side for a change."
"Well, what are you planning to do, then?"
"It's not exactly a plan," Akane said slowly. "Ranma's not
really a horse, after all. I can punish him when he does
something wrong--" Kasumi bit her lip to keep from laughing out
loud-- "but I haven't figured out how to reward him when he does
something right. The book says carrots, but he doesn't like my
cooking for some silly-- Kasumi?!"
"Hmmm?" Kasumi kept her lips tightly pressed together and
tried to look as though the single strangled giggle had sounded
out of thin air. She concentrated on reassembling her fractured
serenity, firmly suppressing the image of Akane chasing Ranma
around with a blackened carrot hanging from a stick by a string.
"Honestly," Akane huffed. "My own sister. Anyway, I can't,
um, train him that way. I can't change anything about me too
much, because I don't know why he loves me, and I'm afraid I'll
change something he likes. So I'm just going to try to keep from
getting mad at him, and hope he'll be nice to me, and wait for
the right moment to... well, I haven't figured that out yet."
Kasumi raised her eyebrows. "My, Akane, what a cunning
plan!" she cooed.
Akane stared at her for a moment. *Sarcasm? Kasumi? No
way.* She shook her head. "I hope so. Well, that's it, I
guess. Wish me luck...." She got up, picked up the book and put
it in her bag, and wandered out of Kasumi's room. Kasumi turned
to look at the bookshelves that lined one wall of her room,
considered for a moment, then pulled out a book. Its title was
"Child and Adolescent Psychology."
~~~~~
A few days later, Nabiki walked into the main room carrying
a large, flat plastic bag. "I saw this at a junk shop, and
thought you might be able to use it," she said casually, tossing
the bag down in front of Akane.
Akane put down her book and looked at the bag, then at
Nabiki. *A gift? From Nabiki?* "Thanks, I guess." She picked
up the bag, reached in, and pulled out...
...something about 2 feet long, springy, tapered to about a
quarter of an inch wide at one end, with a handle of plaited
leather at the other and a wrist-thong....
Ranma looked up from his manga. "Takin' up riding, Akane?"
His voice and face were completely free of innuendo. It saved
his hide.
Akane stared at the crop in her hand and turned as red as
her name. She looked up at her sister. Nabiki smiled a sly
smile and lifted an eyebrow. Akane erupted from the couch waving
the crop and chased Nabiki up the stairs, shrieking.
Ranma shrugged and went back to his manga, moving his lips
occasionally.
~~~~~ end Prologue ~~~~~
The Taming of the Horse
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seif...@csus.edu)
TotH webpage: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/index.htm
Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1998
by Takahashi Rumiko. Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan
Inc. Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc. This work
is not intended to infringe those rights.
~~~~~ Chapter 1: Housing ~~~~~
A horse should be kept in a sheltered stall with
exercise facilities nearby... The stall should be free of
drafts and well away from sources of disturbance... Even the
best-tempered animal can take some time to recover from
changes in its accustomed housing or companions.
-- "The Taming of the Horse: An Equestrian's Guide"
It was a day long-awaited by some and secretly dreaded by
others: Ranma and Genma were moving back to the Saotome house to
live with Nodoka. Once again, Ranma and Nodoka were lined up on
one side of the Tendo front gate, facing Soun, Kasumi, and
Nabiki. This time, however, Akane wasn't sulking up in her room;
she was standing next to Ranma, carrying a bundle. This time,
Genma was standing behind Nodoka, kicking moodily at an innocent
pebble.
"Thank you all again for taking such good care of my son and
husband," Nodoka said brightly, bowing to the Tendos.
"Oh, it was no trouble at all," Kasumi said graciously.
"Remember, you're welcome to visit any time," Soun chimed
in. Nabiki just stood there with her arms crossed, trying not to
look too bored.
"Thanks for everything," Ranma said, looking mostly at
Kasumi.
Nodoka turned, caught the elbow of Genma's threadbare gi,
and said, "Come on, dear." They started down the street. Ranma
settled his pack straps, glanced at Akane, and followed. Akane
fell into step beside him.
"So, just couldn't stand to let me out of your sight, eh?"
Ranma said, not looking at Akane.
Akane, determined to avoid the week-long snit that had
ensued the last time Ranma had moved out, suppressed her initial
response. "Well, you're going to find it harder to protect me
night and day now, Ranma," she said instead. *Boy, he has me
pegged.*
Ranma flinched and looked at her sidelong. *Jeez, she has
me pegged.*
Akane smiled a little when he didn't even try to deny it.
They walked on without speaking, listening to Nodoka talking at
her husband.
~~~~~
The Saotome house was considerably smaller than the Tendo
house, a little older, and less well furnished, but the damage
that Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi had inflicted in the pursuit of a
non-existent engagement ring had all been repaired. Akane
followed Ranma upstairs into a small room, unfurnished save for a
chest of drawers and a desk-lamp. Ranma swung his heavy pack
down and stretched. Akane put down her bundle. "So, this is
your room, then?"
"Yup." Ranma slid open the old-style window and looked out
into the small back yard. "It ain't much, but at least I don't
have to share it with a panda." His expression was faintly sad,
until he looked back at Akane.
"Ranma, I..." "Akane, I..." they began simultaneously.
They blushed and looked down.
"What?" "You go ahead...."
Ranma looked annoyed, mimed zipping his lips, and bowed
exaggeratedly to Akane.
Akane giggled. "Well, Father meant it about 'visit any
time'," she said. "Since your family doesn't have a dojo, you
can use ours... if you want to...."
Ranma, who had begun to frown around the middle of her
sentence, brightened. "Yeah, I guess I could."
"And our place isn't far from your way to school," she
continued, heartened. "We could still walk to school
together...."
"An excellent idea," Nodoka said from the doorway. Ranma
and Akane jumped. "I'll see to it that he leaves here in time to
meet you at your door, Akane-chan," she continued benevolently.
"Jeez, Momma," Ranma protested, but so weakly that it was
obvious even to Akane that it was a token.
"Thanks, Oba-sama," Akane said. She glanced at Ranma. "I'd
better be going, you have settling-in to do...."
"Thank you for coming along, Akane-chan," Nodoka said. "By
all means, come visit any time; I'll be glad to see you and so
will Ranma." She smiled and left.
Akane followed Ranma to the door. "I could walk you home,"
Ranma offered diffidently.
Akane smiled, but shook her head. "No, you have things to
do. Thanks, though. See you tomorrow morning?"
"Yeah."
"Don't be late!" She waved and left.
Ranma went upstairs, sighed, and opened his pack. Loading
his meager wardrobe into the dresser took ten minutes. Unrolling
his futon took ten seconds. He sat on his futon, looked in the
general direction of the Tendo Dojo, and wished he were somewhere
else.
~~~~~
"I'm home!" Akane called, removing her shoes.
Kasumi came into the front hall. "Oh, Akane," she said.
"How did it go?"
"Fine," Akane said. "Um... where are Father and Nabiki?"
"Father's in his room. Nabiki's out," Kasumi said
patiently. "And I haven't noticed any ninjas around lately."
Akane half smiled. "Sorry. It went much better this time.
He cracked wise before we were even out of sight, but I managed
not to get mad at him, and it paid off big-time. He was almost
nice. He's going to walk me to school and back!"
"Oh, wonderful!"
"I'm so worried about the other girls, though. Now that
he's not living here, who knows what'll happen? They'll visit,
and be all nice to him, and I won't be there to clobber him, and
he'll... and they'll...." Akane stopped, appalled by her own
imagination.
Kasumi rescued a mug from her sister's death-grip. "Now,
Akane, I'm sure it's not as bad as you fear. Don't forget, they
were doing that when he was living here, too, and it doesn't seem
to have swayed Ranma-kun at all. My goodness, remember the time
we found Shampoo in bed with him in the morning?"
Akane turned distraught eyes on her sister. "Aaaa!" she
wailed.
Kasumi winced. "What I mean," she continued hastily, "is
that if Ranma-kun can remain decent through that, I hardly think
he's in any danger where he is now."
"'Decent' is not the word for that pervert," Akane said
darkly, but she calmed down. "I miss him," she said eventually.
"He's only been gone an hour, and I miss him already."
"Well, I'm sure he misses you too," Kasumi told her
confidently.
~~~~~
Ranma awoke the next morning, and wondered why. *No buckets
of water... no sudden attacks... no clock-crazed schoolgirls...
jeez, this is boring.* He yawned, got up, picked up his towel
and bucket of toiletries, and went silently downstairs.
His mother and father were seated at the table in the main
room when he came in. "Mornin', Momma, Pops," he greeted them.
"Say, Pops, we trainin' before breakfast, or what?"
Genma folded his arms and looked inscrutable. "Your mother
has persuaded me that a change in your routine is called for," he
told Ranma.
Nodoka took over. "Yes, Ranma." She regarded him
seriously. "Your father has had all these years to train you,
and has fulfilled his promise to make you a man among men.
Therefore, I suggested that his task was done, and that it now
fell to me to complete your training, and he-- eventually--
agreed."
Ranma raised his eyebrows. *So that's what all that noise
was,* he thought. "What're ya trainin' me in, Momma?" he asked.
Nodoka glanced sidelong at her husband. "Your father, while
he has certainly made you a fine martial artist, has neglected to
teach you many aspects of civilized behavior," she said. "I will
correct these... deficiencies."
Ranma's jaw dropped. "Uh... like what?" he asked
cautiously.
Nodoka frowned slightly. "Well, to begin with, your
vocabulary, grammar, and diction," she said. "Also, your grades
indicate that you need to study more. I will introduce you to
classical arts such as poetry, and guide your moral development.
Your father does not appear to have been the best of examples."
Ranma was speechless. "What, no sparring?" he croaked
finally.
Genma looked uncomfortable. "Your mother has argued
convincingly--" his eyes slid towards the katana mounted in the
alcove-- "that since she had you for so few years, and I kept you
away from her influence for so many, she is entitled to whatever
years remain before your maturity, and that I should not
interfere with her training of you during that time." He got up,
shuffled outside, and dumped a bucket of water over his head.
The panda blinked sadly at Ranma and turned away.
"Now that that's settled," Nodoka finished brightly, "I'll
just get breakfast, shall I?" She rose and went into the
kitchen. Ranma stayed where he was, stunned.
~~~~~
Ranma entered his home and removed his shoes. It didn't
feel like his home. Akane lived in his real home. He shook his
head, called "I'm home!" just in case anyone was listening, and
went up the stairs to his room.
"Ranma!"
Ranma came back down the stairs and went into the main room.
Nodoka was drinking tea behind several stacks of books. "Yeah,
Momma?" He eyed the stacks. "What's with the books?"
"This is your reading list. I want you to read all of
these," Nodoka clarified, adding another book to one stack.
Ranma picked up a book and flipped through it. *No
pictures, lotsa kanji, no furigana, tiny print....* Something in
him snapped. "You want. Dammit, everybody wants! My life is
fulla people who want me to do somethin' all the others don't
want me to do! You want me to read a zillion books! You want me
to move outa the Tendos'! You want me to be a 'man among men'!
Pops and Tendo-san want me to marry Akane! Shampoo 'n' Cologne
want to drag me back to China! Ukyo wants me to marry HER!
Akane wants-- hell, I wish I knew what Akane wants-- but nobody
cares what I want!"
Nodoka waited patiently until she was sure that her son was
through ranting. "And what do you want, dear?"
Ranma paled and suddenly found the finish of the table
intensely interesting. "Well, I... um. If Aka... er, that is,
I, uh.... The thing is, I, ah, well, maybe.... hm."
Again Nodoka waited until it appeared that Ranma was more
likely to twiddle his fingers than say anything useful. "Well,
when you do decide what you want, Ranma-chan, be sure to tell
Mother all about it." She took a sip from her cup and gazed
blandly at Ranma over its rim.
Ranma didn't hear her say "...and until then, stop
complaining," but he was sure she was thinking it. "Yes, Momma,"
he managed, abashed. "Say, where's Pops?"
"Out," Nodoka said coldly. She thawed a bit. "I suggested
that he look for work. If you didn't see him at the Tendos',
there is a small chance that that is what he is doing." Ranma
doubted it, but it didn't surprise him that Genma wasn't home.
He'd walked by his parents' room once when the door was open and
seen the two futons on opposite sides of the room with a katana
between them.
~~~~~
Ranma snapped awake in the middle of the night. Something
was in his room with him. Something was rummaging through his
chest of drawers and muttering. Something small....
"Y'old fart! What the hell ya doin'?!"
Happosai turned. "Oh, hello, Ranma." He waved at the
pillaged dresser. "Hasn't your mother bought you any new bras or
panties yet?"
"Whaaa...?! You sonofabitch, I oughta--"
"No?" The old man shook his wizened head disgustedly. "She
must have become as cheap as Genma. What a shame, what a shame."
He deftly avoided Ranma's elbow. "Well, my boy, there's only one
thing for it." He rubbed his hands together briskly. "We'll go
raid some for you."
Ranma facefaulted, but was up in a flash. "I tol' ya
before, I'm not gonna do that!" he raged.
"But they'll sag if you don't--"
"KE--!" Wham!
Happosai looked down at Ranma, laid out flat on the floor
wearing boxer shorts, and sighed. "You're no fun at all any
more." He brightened suddenly. "Ah, but with you here, that
means darling Akane-chan is completely unguarded!"
Ranma froze. Happosai leapt to the window sill and turned.
"Bye for now!" He jumped out.
Ranma unfroze. "YOU BASTARD!" He sprang from the floor,
cleared the windowframe, and landed in the garden, looking around
wildly for Happosai. He spotted the master of Musabetsu Kakuto
perched on the wall, regarding him with mild interest.
"Decided to go on a raid with me after all, eh?"
"Stay away from Akane, ya little shit!"
"Why should I?" Happosai asked reasonably. "More to the
point, who's going to stop me?"
Ranma fumed. *He has a point there....* A sudden breath of
breeze cooled his bare chest, and the desperate plan struck him.
"Why would ya want ta molest an unsexy, no-figure girl like
that?" He scooped up the bucket under the downspout, upended it
over his head, and struck a provocative pose.
Drip.
*'Drip'? What happened to 'splash'?* He looked up. The
bucket had been empty. *Gaah. The one time I want cold water,
and I get 'drip'. Figures.*
"Here you go." Happosai handed him a bucket. Ranma seized
it gladly and upended it over his head.
Splash! Ranma dropped the bucket, gritted her teeth, and
struck the pose again.
"Sweeto!" Happosai leapt for her exposed bosom. Glomp.
Nuzzle-nuzzle.
"EEYAA!" Ranma smacked Happosai into the ground and backed
up fast.
"Now that's more like it!" Happosai crowed, rising from the
wreckage of two buckets. "Hotcha!" He sprang at Ranma, fingers
wriggling. She bounced over the rooftop and away. The noise
dwindled in the distance.
~~~~~
Ranma dragged himself into the main room the next morning
and sat at the table, looking decidedly worn. "G'mornin',
Momma."
"Good morning, Ranma," Nodoka said brightly, bringing out
the soup, rice, and pickles. Ranma started to shovel it in.
"I won't ask if you slept well, dear," she continued.
Ranma looked up and swallowed hastily. "Uh?"
"Don't grunt, dear, it's not polite. Yes, I was awakened in
the middle of the night by a commotion in the garden, and when I
went to see what it was, I was amazed."
Ranma twitched nervously and surreptitiously checked the
room for katanas.
"At first I thought... well, you can imagine what I
thought."
"Eep!" Ranma prepared to disappear under the tatami.
"But after you and Happosai had gone, I realized that that
was a very selfless thing you did, sacrificing your dignity for
your fiancee's honor."
"It was? I mean, yeah, sure it was." Ranma inflated a
little.
Nodoka lifted an eyebrow at her son and shook her head.
"Every time I think I know what manliness is, Ranma, you redefine
it."
"Um, is that good?" Ranma asked cautiously.
"I'm not sure yet."
Ranma looked unsettled. When Nodoka didn't say any more and
started her breakfast, he resumed his, glancing at her
occasionally.
~~~~~
Ranma dredged himself up from the depths of sleep.
Something was in his room with him. Something tall, slim, and
curvy....
"Oh, Ranma-sama!"
Suddenly Ranma was all the way awake and sitting plastered
against the wall. "Kodachi!"
"Sssh, dear Ranma-sama. We don't want to disturb your
parents." The streetlights outside provided enough light for
Ranma to watch her drop gracefully to kneel beside him. To his
slight relief, she was wearing her usual leotard. *For the
moment.* *Oh, ya just HAD ta think that....*
"We deee--" Ranma cleared his throat and started over. "We
don't?"
She giggled softly, a sound far removed from her usual over-
the-top laugh, but at the moment seeming even more threatening.
"No, no, darling, that would be so discourteous." She paused.
"It was very kind of you to leave your window open for our
tryst."
"Uh," Ranma managed. He cursed his inability to hold up his
end of the conversation; it might have bought him some time.
Kodachi sighed romantically. "Oh, Ranma-sama, you are a
girl's most torrid fantasies made flesh. To see you here like
this is almost more than my poor heart can stand." She reached
out in the dimness and ran her slim hand over Ranma's bare left
pectoral.
"Yaah!" Ranma shot upward out of his sitting position and
wedged himself into the corner of the ceiling, quivering.
Kodachi flowed to her feet. "No need to be so shy, my sweet
man." Ranma realized with dismay that either Kodachi wasn't
short enough or the ceiling wasn't high enough or both.
"Sweeto!"
Kodachi looked down at her bosom. Happosai grinned
toothlessly back at her and threw in an extra grope. "Ranma-
sama," she said sharply, "what is this vile creature?"
"Uh...."
"Never mind."
Whap! Kodachi batted Happosai off her chest and dove for
the window. Happosai bounced off floor and wall and was after
her like a shot. Ranma dropped from the ceiling and darted to
the window. He paused there, sorely tempted to just slam it and
go back to bed.
"Ah, hell," he muttered, and leapt outside.
Kodachi and Happosai were squared off in the yard. The
gymnast had her ribbon out and twirling. The lecher had his
fingers out and wriggling. Before Ranma could intervene,
Happosai sprang. The ribbon flicked.
"Wha-ha-ha!" chortled Happosai, swinging head down from a
tree branch, wrapped from neck to toe in ribbon. "Bondage!
Discipline me, sweet cheeks! Woo-hoo!"
Kodachi ignored him and turned to Ranma. "Alas, my
paramour, the mood has been broken. Au revoir!" She blew him a
kiss and vaulted to the neighbor's roof. Black rose petals
scented the night air. "Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!"
Ranma watched her go. *I knew she was a loon, but now she's
talkin' gibberish.* He looked at Happosai, still swinging gaily
to and fro, and considered thanking him for his timely
intervention. "Nah."
Ranma jumped back through the window, slammed it shut,
latched it, and nailed boards across it.
It took him over an hour to get back to sleep.
~~~~~
Ranma was awakened the next morning by a tapping at his
door. "Ranma? It's time for you to get up, dear."
"Yeah, Momma, I'm up...." He sat up and scrubbed his face
with his hands. The door opened.
"Is everything all right, Ranma? You don't usually
oversleep-- oh, my goodness!" Ranma looked where Nodoka was
looking. His heart sank. On top of his dresser was a bouquet of
black roses.
"Ack! I, I can explain those!"
"So can I." She smiled proudly at him as she came in and
picked the bouquet up. "I'll just go put these in water."
He groaned and sank his face in his hands. *I'm dead.*
Nodoka put her face back around the door and added, "I knew
Kodachi-chan had been here last night, but I never dreamed she
would be so pleased with you!"
*Dead, dead, dead.*
~~~~~
Akane was waiting impatiently outside the Tendos' front gate
when Ranma came running up. "I was about to leave without you,"
she said crossly. "Come on, let's go."
Akane snatched glances at Ranma while they ran. "You look
terrible," she said after they'd safely passed the place where
the little old lady lurked with her ladle.
"Gee, thanks."
"What happened? Happosai again?" Her voice was
sympathetic. Ranma was tired. The result was predictable.
"Yeah, him and Kodachi."
Akane screeched to a stop. "WHAT?!"
"Wait! It's not whatcha think, Akane!"
"Well, how do you know what I'm thinking?! If you know what
I'm thinking, it's because it's what anyone would think! And
that means it must be true!" Slap!
Ranma shook his head, dazed as much by Akane's inarguable
logic as by her powerful hand, and then ran after her.
"Wait up! Ya got it all wrong!"
"Get AWAY from me, you pervert!" She tried in vain to
outrun him.
Ranma got mad. "Look, I left my window open 'cause it was
hot! I didn't think Kodachi was gonna sneak in! Kodachi groped
me, Happosai groped her, she tied him up in a ribbon and left!
NOTHING HAPPENED!"
Akane stopped. Ranma stopped, breathing heavily, but not
from running. Her eyes searched his face. "You know," she said
finally, "that's so stupid I almost have to believe you."
Ranma crossed his arms and looked disgusted. "It's the
truth."
"You promise? You didn't lay a finger on her?"
"Not one."
Akane looked relieved. "Well... okay." She smiled shyly.
"Um.... Sorry about the slap."
Ranma recovered from the smile and remembered an important
detail. "Uh, there's just one thing...."
Akane's eyes narrowed. "What?"
"Well, my momma... uh... you know how she is about my being
'manly', right? Well, Kodachi left a big buncha those damn roses
of hers in my room, and now Momma thinks... uh...."
Akane's eyes and mouth opened wide in shock. She covered
her mouth with her hand. "...that you were, ah, 'manly' with
Kodachi?!"
"Yeah," Ranma said sheepishly. "But I wasn't! I swear!"
Akane giggled. "I won't tell her you weren't."
~~~~~
Ranma was deeply asleep when the boards nailed over his
window exploded inward, bounced off the far wall, and clattered
to the floor. He rolled sideways on reflex, fetched up against
the wall with a thump, and blinked. Something was in his room
with him. Something incredibly violent....
"Wo da airen," it said softly.
Ranma groaned. "Shampoo."
"You sick?" Shampoo asked. "You no sound good." Her hand
touched his forehead. "No fever.... You leave window open, no
sleep in stuffy room." Her teeth gleamed in the dimness. "That
way no noise when wife come visit, too."
"Look, Shampoo, ya gotta go," Ranma pleaded. "I need ta
sleep."
"Good!" Shampoo said, sounding pleased. "You sleep. I
sleep too."
Ranma sighed in relief. "Great. Now--" He stopped
suddenly. Fabric whispered in the dark and fell softly on the
floor. He caught a glimpse of smooth pale skin as Shampoo lay
down on his futon and pulled his quilt over her. Sweat sprang
out on his forehead, and he cursed silently. "No, I mean you go
home and go to sleep an' I stay here and go to sleep," he said,
knowing it was useless.
"What you talking, airen? You come here. You sleep number-
one good." Shampoo patted the futon beside her.
"No way." Ranma overpowered the temptation to crawl in with
her and tried to think of a plan. *Happosai? Nah, he only shows
when ya don't want him. Kick her out? She'd just come back in,
they don't make windows that'll stop her, or doors neither, or
even walls. Go downstairs and ask to sleep with my parents?
Yeah, right. Momma'd make me slit my belly for not stayin' here
and bein' 'manly'.* "Eeep!"
Shampoo had gotten impatient while he was thinking and had
crept up and glomped him. "What this 'eep', airen?" she
whispered in his ear. "I no learn all Japanese love word yet--
you teach?"
Ranma decided talk was futile and started unwinding the
amazon, trying not to think about what he was grabbing. Shampoo
took it as an invitation to wrestle and started emitting
delighted squeals as he touched sensitive bits by accident.
Finally Ranma unleashed a masterful move which left Shampoo
glomping herself, snatched up his quilt in the fraction of a
second before she recaptured him, and jumped out the window.
Shampoo leapt after him, but suddenly reversed direction,
dove back into Ranma's room, and came out a second later carrying
her clothes. She paused on the roof and looked around for Ranma
while dressing hastily. She spotted him six rooftops away and
receding rapidly, still carrying his quilt. "Ranma! You wait!"
~~~~~
"I know, I look terrible," Ranma said to Akane as they met
at the Tendos' the next morning. "Let's just get this over with
quick. Shampoo came by last night."
Akane blinked. "What?"
Ranma cheered up a bit. *Hey, whaddaya know, she's
listening.* "Shampoo got inta my room last night. She kicked
the window in and grabbed me, I pried her off and ran for it--
jeez, I think one of her ancestors was an octopus that fell into
the Nyannichuan-- led her back to the Nekohanten, crashed inta
Mousse's room with her chasin' me, and got away while she was
still tangled up with Mousse. Other than that, nothin' happened.
I can't exactly say I didn't lay a finger on her, but I didn't
touch her any more than I had ta, sorry." He stopped, panting,
and waited for the pain.
"Why are you telling me this?" Akane asked. Her voice was
strange.
"So you can hit me, and we can go to school," Ranma
explained as if it were the most reasonable thing in the world.
"I'm still not following you," Akane said.
"Look, I know you're goin' ta find out sooner or later, so I
might as well just tell ya up front, take my lumps, and get
going, right? Come on, pound me already, it's gettin' late."
"Oh." Akane looked up at Ranma and shifted her bag to her
other hand. Ranma screwed his eyes shut and waited. He felt a
soft slap on his cheek, and heard Akane whisper "Bad Ranma."
He opened his eyes, astonished. Akane was already walking
away. He stared at her retreating back, listened to the muffled
laughter, muttered "I ain't never gonna understand girls," and
followed her.
~~~~~
"I'm home!" Ranma pelted into his room to drop his
schoolbag. Moving at a more sedate pace, he found his mother in
the main room.
Nodoka looked up from her handicraft and the faintest of
frowns crossed her face. "Ranma, would you go change, please?"
"Huh?" Ranma swiftly checked his clothing. Nothing seemed
amiss. "What's wrong with these?"
Nodoka looked slightly uncomfortable. "No, dear, not your
clothes. I'd like to speak to... well... my daughter."
Ranma's jaw dropped. *She's flipped.* Then a little bulb
lit. "Oh. Sure, Momma. Be right back." He left the room. A
faint splash was heard. Ranma came back in, drying her hair.
She dropped to sit cross-legged across from Nodoka.
Nodoka frowned again, less faintly. "Ranma-chan, that's not
how young ladies sit."
"But... I'm not a 'young lady'! I'm a man! I'm sittin'
like a man sits!"
"Ranma, don't shout at your mother. And please, just do as
I say." Ranma looked rebellious, but obeyed, shifting to sit on
her shins with her knees together.
Nodoka relaxed and smiled at her child. "Thank you, Ranma.
I know this is difficult for you." She took a breath, then
continued. "I've been thinking about your condition since I
learned of it, and I realized something."
Ranma's expression shifted from rebellious to apprehensive.
"I... I want you to be my daughter as well as my son."
Ranma fell over sideways. She returned to the vertical in
time to hear Nodoka say, "I miss Ranko. I know you don't like
being a girl, but it looks as though you'll be... both... or
either... whichever it is... for a while to come, and I always
wanted a daughter, and it doesn't look like your father and I
will have any more children, so...."
Ranma wanted to start with "Hell, no!" and continue from
there, but she couldn't. Her mother was wringing her hands, and
was plainly near tears. Her shoulders slumped and she bowed her
head. "All right, Momma," she said weakly. "I'll do whatever ya
want." *I think I'd rather slit my belly.*
Nodoka was around the table and hugging her in an instant.
"Thank you so much, Ranma-chan. You've made your mother very
happy." She held Ranma at arm's length and gazed at her proudly.
"Your father made you a man among men. I promise, I'll make you
a woman among women as well!"
Ranma stared at her, horrified. "Don't knock yourself out,
Momma," she managed finally.
Nodoka misunderstood. "Oh, no, Ranma, it will be no trouble
at all. It'll even be fun! You'll see, being a woman isn't
nearly as bad as you think! Why, if we...."
Ranma tuned her mother's voice out and slowly began to pound
her head on the table.
~~~~~ end of Housing ~~~~~
The Taming of the Horse
a Ranma 1/2 fanfiction by Vince Seifert (seif...@csus.edu)
TotH webpage: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/index.htm
Ranma 1/2 characters and situations are copyright 1987, 1998
by Takahashi Rumiko. Publishing rights (Japan) by Shogakukan
Inc. Publishing rights (North America) by Viz Inc. This work
is not intended to infringe those rights.
~~~~~ Chapter 2: Diet ~~~~~
Proper diet is essential to the health and good
attitude of your animal. Fresh, wholesome fodder must be
available in quantities that may surprise those not familiar
with the appetites of horses... hay should be supplemented
with grains, especially if the horse is called upon to
exercise frequently... some attempt should be made to
provide a variety of foods.
-- "The Taming of the Horse: An Equestrian's Guide"
Ranma came into the main room of the Saotome house for
breakfast, dropped to sit at the table, and noticed something
different about the table in front of Nodoka. He looked up.
"Mornin', Momma," he said. "Where's your breakfast?"
Nodoka bit her lip. "I'll, ah, have mine later," she said,
looking down at the bare tabletop.
Ranma studied her. He knew he was a lousy liar, but until
that moment he hadn't suspected that he might have inherited it
from his mother. He looked down at the small bowl of broth, the
modest heap of rice, and the meager portion of pickles before
him, and understood. *Uh oh. Money's low, and spendin' it is
her duty, so she's not gonna admit it. There's not enough food,
so she's skippin' breakfast.* His fist clenched, unseen under
the table. *Hell with that!*
Ranma jumped to his feet. "Uh, gotta go, I'm late to meet
Akane, no time ta eat, I'll get something at school," he said
quickly, to override any protest his mother might make. "See
ya!" He vanished in a flurry of nearly-silent footsteps.
Nodoka looked after him, and a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Ranma...." *What a fine son you are. I'm sorry I failed you.*
She looked at his abandoned breakfast, bit her lip again, and
reached out to draw the bowls to her place.
~~~~~
Ranma jumped over the wall of the Tendo compound, dashed
through the front door, and almost collided with Akane in the
hallway. "Look out!"
"Watch where you're going!" Akane said angrily. Her anger
evaporated. "You're early. I wasn't expecting you for another
ten minutes. Is something wrong?"
"Nah," Ranma said absently. His nose twitched; aromas from
Kasumi's cooking were wafting into the front hall. His stomach
growled loudly. "I just got out a bit early, that's all," he
said to cover it.
"All right, I'm just about ready. I'll grab my stuff and
we'll go." Akane ran up the stairs. Ranma briefly considered
seeing if he could cadge a snack from Kasumi, but hadn't thought
of a plausible way to do it by the time Akane came back down with
her bookbag. She detoured through the kitchen and came out again
with a cloth-wrapped bundle. "Ready!" Akane said brightly,
slipping her shoes on.
Ranma followed her out the door, sighing for lost
opportunity.
~~~~~
Ranma hovered over Ukyo as she fired up her portable grill
at lunchtime. Ukyo smiled, pleased by the attention. *They say
the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... here I come,
Ran-chan's heart!* She fixed an okonomiyaki just the way she
knew he liked it, scrawled on it with the sauce, and watched in
amazement as it disappeared even faster than usual.
Ranma licked his fingers and looked at her hopefully. Ukyo
smiled. "Sure, you can have seconds," she said indulgently,
starting another.
"Thanks, Ucchan," Ranma said happily. "You're a pal!"
Ukyo managed to keep her smile from slipping. *'Pal'?* She
flipped the second okonomiyaki off the grill. Ranma gobbled it
down as fast as the first.
A bicycle bell jingled. "Nihao, Ranma!" Shampoo slid off
her bicycle and stopped. "Airen no fill up on silly pancake,"
she said reprovingly. "I bring real food!" She opened her
delivery box and produced a bowl of ramen.
Ranma's eyes, glistening like broth-soaked fishcakes, locked
onto it. "Mmm..." he managed. Shampoo gave Ukyo a triumphant
look and presented Ranma with the bowl. Ukyo glared at her over
the loud slurping noises.
"Ranma, you baka!" Ukyo and Shampoo turned from their
staring contest to see Akane standing stricken nearby. "I'm a
few minutes late for lunch and you start without me! I even made
your lunch today!"
Ranma drank the last of the broth and put the ramen bowl
down. "Sorry, Akane," he said, sounding a bit distracted. "I
was really hungry. Ya say ya got a bento for me?"
Akane stared at him. "Sure," she said weakly. "Here...."
She handed him the box and sat on the grass. She didn't see
Shampoo and Ukyo trade expectant looks over Ranma's head as she
started on her own lunch. *Ugh. The rice is soggy on one side
and hard on the other. The kappa-maki looks like it got run
over, and what's that taste? And I tried so hard, too....* She
looked up at Ranma, prepared to start crying.
Ranma was licking his chopsticks. The bento box was
completely empty. "Not bad," he said. "Needs more wasabi,
though." He looked around at three girls frozen in attitudes of
complete astonishment. "What?!" All three fell in different
directions.
Ukyo was up first. She felt his forehead. "Are you feeling
all right, Ran-chan?" she asked him.
Ranma swatted her hand aside, looking annoyed. "Why
wouldn't I be?"
"Look, I knew you were a human vacuum-cleaner," Ukyo began,
"but you just sucked up two okonomiyaki, a deluxe ramen, AND,"
she paused for effect, "one of Akane's lunches like a starving
man with a cast-iron stomach."
"I see pig eat slower," Shampoo added. "And less."
Akane recovered enough from the surprise and joy of seeing
Ranma finish the lunch she'd made without complaining to realize
that Ukyo and Shampoo had a point. "Are you getting enough to
eat at home?" she asked cautiously.
Ranma flushed. "Well, of course!" he said angrily. He
sprang up and stalked away, then turned and jabbed a finger at
them. "An' don't you say nothin' bad about my momma!" He left.
"Aiya," Shampoo said softly.
"You said it," Ukyo agreed.
The three girls exchanged glances. *He's not getting enough
to eat at home,* they all thought. *This is my chance,* two of
them thought.
Ukyo sniffed suddenly and looked at her grill. "Eek! My
lunch is burning!"
~~~~~
The walk home from school was quiet. Ranma seemed still to
be offended from lunch. Akane watched him and thought. Finally
she broke the silence.
"Ranma? About lunch...."
"Yeah, I know," he said gruffly. "I guess maybe I over-
reacted." He chewed on his lip. "It's a matter of face, though.
Not mine," he added hastily.
*'...don't you say nothin' bad about my momma!'* Akane
remembered. "I think I understand," she said finally. "Um...."
Ranma finally looked at her. "Yeah?"
Her face was hidden by her hair. "Was the lunch I made you
really all right?"
Ranma chuckled. "Ya know, it went down so fast I don't
really remember," he said. He patted his stomach cautiously.
"Seems to be sittin' okay, though."
"Well... if you like, I could make you lunch every day...."
Ranma thought about it. *It wasn't too bad... and if she
makes me lunch, Momma don't have to... and since she's my, uh,
fiancee, nobody will think there's another reason why she might
be makin' me lunch....* "Sure," he said casually. "If ya want
to, that is."
Akane reached out, squeezed his hand, and let go without
saying anything. Ranma blushed. His hand tingled.
~~~~~
Akane found Kasumi in the kitchen after Ranma had finished
his workout and gone home. "Oh, Akane," Kasumi greeted her.
"How did lunch go?"
"I quote: 'Not bad. Needs more wasabi.'" Akane leaned
against the countertop and fiddled with a lemon peeler.
"Well, isn't that good?" Kasumi asked, puzzled. "You don't
look happy about it...."
"I ate the same lunch. It was pretty bad, but Ranma ate it
right up." Akane put the peeler down. "And then, on the way
home, I asked him if he wanted me to make him lunches from now
on, and he agreed. Something's really wrong."
*If he liked THAT lunch, something IS wrong,* Kasumi
thought. "Well, you'll improve with practice," she said
tactfully. "I'll help, of course." *And keep you from
destroying my nice kitchen. Again.*
"Kasumi, what can you tell me about Ranma's eating habits?"
Akane asked suddenly.
"Well, he's a pleasure to cook for," Kasumi began, smiling
reminiscently. "He didn't always thank me in words, but the look
in his eyes was always so appreciative, it made me feel
wonderful. He told me once that when he came to live here, it
was the first time in his life that he'd ever had enough to eat.
He has a good appetite, too, probably because he's so energetic,
and he doesn't eat too much junk food. Why?"
"Today he ate two of Ukyo's okonomiyaki, a big bowl of
Shampoo's ramen, AND the lunch I made him, in about two minutes,
and didn't leave a scrap. I didn't see him bring a lunch from
home. I don't think he ate breakfast. And I'm afraid he's not
going to get much dinner. When we mentioned it, he got really
mad, like we'd insulted his mother. I think the Saotomes have
problems."
Kasumi looked thoughtful. "Well, we certainly can't offer
them money, and we'd have to be tactful about offering food;
Nodoka-sama is very proud. I'm afraid all we can do is have you
make his lunches-- that was clever of you-- and occasionally
invite Ranma for supper." She flicked a glance toward the main
room and lowered her voice. "We feed Saotome-no-ojisama quite
often as it is."
*Disapproval? Kasumi?* Akane thought. "About tomorrow's
lunch...." she began.
~~~~~
Ranma stopped short when he saw Shampoo's bicycle leaning
against the post beside his front door, and entered with caution.
Nodoka looked up as Ranma came into the main room. "Oh, Ranma,"
she said happily. "Look what your little friend brought!"
"Nihao, airen," Shampoo said cheerfully, unloading her
delivery box onto the table. "I bring dinner! See, yasai soup,
ma-bo tofu, shrimp fried rice! Number-one good food for growing
boy!" She took the plate Nodoka handed her and started ladling.
Ranma stood for a moment, torn between indignation and the
delicious smells wafting up from the bowls. *Oh, well, if Momma
don't mind, I don't....* He sat at the table and picked up his
chopsticks. Shampoo set a loaded plate before him and started
serving Nodoka.
"Where's Pops?" Ranma asked after downing his first
mouthful. "Looks like there's enough even for him...."
A frown flashed across Nodoka's face and was gone. "I
suppose he's at the Tendos'," she said lightly. "Thank you,
Shampoo-chan. My, this is delicious!"
"Great-grandmother's best recipes," Shampoo said proudly,
serving herself. "Good for body." She rubbed up against Ranma
by way of illustration. Ranma managed to avoid choking and tried
to edge away, but was trapped by the table leg. He picked up his
soup bowl and concentrated on cabbage.
Nodoka sighed happily after everyone, even Ranma, was done.
"Thank you, Shampoo, it was very kind of you to bring dinner,"
she said.
Shampoo waved the hand that wasn't holding on to Ranma. "Is
nothing," she said. "Duty as wife to feed husband." Ranma
winced at the quick flash of guilt on his mother's face, but
Shampoo appeared not to notice.
"Well, I appreciate it," Nodoka said, collecting the plates.
"Thank the nice girl, Ranma." She went into the kitchen.
Ranma turned, saw that the nice girl was waiting expectantly
to be thanked with her eyes half-closed and her lips puckered up,
and cringed. "Tha-thanks, Shampoo," he stuttered.
Shampoo pouted in disappointment, but loaded the bowls back
into the delivery box and stood. "I like stay, but silly Mousse
and great-grandmother no enough for dinner rush," she told Ranma.
"See soon!" She winked and left.
~~~~~
"Good morning, Ranma-kun," Kasumi said pleasantly when Ranma
poked his head into the Tendo kitchen the next morning. "Akane
is almost ready. I made too many musubi, would you like some?"
Ranma's empty stomach jumped up and started kicking his
vocal cords, demanding immediate action. "Sure, thanks, Kasumi!"
He ate one of the riceballs quickly and bit into a second.
Akane came in. "Oh, there you are," she said, picking up
the bundle on the countertop. "Ready to go?"
"Mngl," Ranma said indistinctly, then gave up and just
nodded.
"Honestly, Ranma," Akane said. She put the bundle down and
picked a couple of stray grains of rice off of his chin. "You
don't have to inhale them, you know. It's not like they're going
to escape."
Ranma swallowed. "Ya never know," he said darkly. "Not
with my pop around." He followed Akane out. Kasumi frowned
minutely, shook her head, and tried not to think about recipes
featuring panda.
~~~~~
Ranma stared at the food arrayed before him at lunch time.
"Wow." A lunchbox bursting with meat and vegetables, a steaming
bowl of noodles, and a newly-invented super okonomiyaki awaited
his consumption. Akane, Shampoo, and Ukyo watched anxiously as
Ranma unlimbered his chopsticks, each hoping he would eat her
offering and not the others'.
Another student wandered by and stopped. "Say, Ranma-kun,
if you're not going to eat all of that...."
"Get lost," Ranma shot back. He licked his chops and began.
~~~~~
"I can't believe you ate the whole thing," Akane told Ranma
as they walked home from school. "It was amazing. I mean, I've
seen you eat, but...." She shook her head. "Nabiki is trying to
figure out how to charge admission."
Ranma's contented look changed to mild annoyance. "Like
Shampoo said, I'm a growin' boy," he said righteously. "Besides,
I worked most of it off running away from Kuno after those damn
sprinklers came on."
Akane giggled. "Um... was the lunch I made you any better?"
she asked shyly.
"Well, the sausage-octopuses were mutants, the rice was a
bit crunchy, and I don't wanna know what you dressed the cabbage
with, but yeah, it wasn't too bad."
Akane, who had started to cloud over, perked up. "Really?!"
she said happily.
"Uh, yeah. Keep at it for another ten years, and mebbe
they'll be good-- yipe! Hey, that was a compliment, you!"
*It sure was,* Akane thought as she chased after Ranma,
swinging her schoolbag at him and laughing.
~~~~~
"I'm home!" Ranma poked his head into the main room, warily
scanning for fiancees.
"Oh, there you are, Ranma," Nodoka said. She indicated the
boxes on the table. "A nice young lady from Ucchan's dropped
these by just a few minutes ago. She said Ukyo sent her regrets,
but she was unable to leave her shop."
*That was no lady, that was a kunoichi,* Ranma thought.
"Great, Momma. Lemme drop my bag and I'll be right there."
"Oh, Ranma, since it's just us, would you change, please?"
Ranma sighed, nodded reluctantly, and left, returning a
minute later as Nodoka's daughter. She sat at the table, then
uncrossed her legs and knelt on her shins before Nodoka could say
anything. Nodoka smiled approvingly and slid an okonomiyaki out
of its box and onto her plate. Genma came in and settled at his
place. Ranma tensed, prepared to defend her supper, but when
Genma's chopsticks flashed out--
"Dear." Nodoka's voice was freezing, and it froze Ranma's
father. The attacking chopsticks retreated. Ranma relaxed and
waited for Nodoka to serve her husband and herself, as Ranma had
been taught was proper behavior for a daughter, and then began
eating. She took small bites, chewed thoroughly, and thought
wistfully about lunch.
"Well, I can certainly see why Dearest wanted to engage you
to Ukyo-chan," Nodoka said over the chomping noises coming from
Genma's end of the table. "She is a young lady of considerable
talent."
Ranma swallowed. "Yeah... uh, yes, she is," she said
uncomfortably. "Does this mean you've decided the engagement is
valid?"
Nodoka's eyes flashed, but fortunately not at Ranma. Genma
concentrated on his okonomiyaki. "By no means," Nodoka said
firmly. "Your engagement to Akane is the only valid one at this
time. I have not yet decided what should be done to restore
honor with respect to Kuonji-san." Genma cringed and rubbed his
belly.
Ranma continued her supper in silence, concentrating on
maintaining table manners.
~~~~~
There was a panel truck parked outside the Saotome house
when Ranma arrived home the next day. He read the lettering on
the side curiously. *Catering?* He shrugged and went in. "I'm
home!"
Nodoka met him in the hall. "Go wash up and get changed,"
she told Ranma in a low voice.
Ranma shrugged again. "All right, Momma." *What's the
fuss?* He went up to his room, visited the bathroom, came into
the main room, and stopped.
Kodachi turned her head and stared at Ranma. "Pig-tailed
girl?" She looked at Nodoka, who was looking at Ranma with an
expression of dismay that was changing to chagrin. "Is this
'Saotome Ranma' girl your daughter, Okaa-sama?"
Nodoka sighed. "In a manner of speaking," she said wearily.
"I have only one child, and his name is Saotome Ranma. This
'girl' you see before you is now my daughter, but he was born my
son, and he will be my son again very soon indeed, I assure you."
Kodachi rose to her feet, rearranged her kimono, and stepped
to Ranma's side. "Hohohoho!" she pealed, prodding Ranma's torso.
"What a fine jest! This is a true girl! Even if Ranma-sama were
a, er, transvestite, one so masculine as he could never appear so
feminine, no matter the skill of the costumer!" Kodachi took in
Nodoka's serious expression and Ranma's annoyed look, and a fine
line appeared on her brow. "I beg your pardon, Okaa-sama, but
this is becoming tiresome. This is not my Ranma-sama. May I ask
where he is? I heard his voice...."
Ranma had had enough. "I'm right here, Kodachi." Ignoring
her mother's gasp, she snatched up the teapot from the table and
poured it over her head. "Ow, dammit, hot!" Ranma picked tea
leaves out of his ear.
Kodachi prodded Ranma's torso again, uncertainly. "Pig...
tailed... boy?" She looked into Ranma's eyes, took a step back,
put the back of one hand to her forehead, and swooned in a flurry
of black rose petals. Ranma caught her and looked at Nodoka.
"Put her down here," Nodoka said, coming around the table,
"and go get me a damp cloth." She sighed. "Whatever possessed
you to become a girl?"
"You told me to! You said 'wash and change'!" Ranma
protested.
"Yes, yes." Nodoka shook her head. "I meant change your
clothes to something suitable for a nice dinner. Well, what's
done is done." She looked down at the girl whose head was
resting in her lap. "I take it she didn't know about your
condition?"
Ranma shook his head. "I met her more'n a year ago, and
she's never figured it out. I think she's only actually seen me
change once, though, and nobody ever explained it to her
straight. Maybe this time she'll get it."
Nodoka looked up. "Well, go wash and change again, and get
it right this time." She looked like she was trying to remember
how to giggle. Ranma half-smiled, saluted sloppily, and left.
A few seconds later, he was back. "Who's the guy in the
kitchen?" he asked, handing Nodoka a wet cloth.
"He's a chef or a waiter or something. Kodachi-chan brought
him." Nodoka applied the cloth to Kodachi's forehead.
"Oh. Good thing I didn't take him out, then." Ranma went
upstairs.
Kodachi was conscious by the time Ranma came back. She
stared at Ranma. "It's really you, Ranma-sama," she said
wonderingly. "I seem to recall-- Did I really see you change
from a girl into a man?"
Ranma sighed. "Yeah, I am the 'pig-tailed girl', and she is
me," he said as patiently as he could manage. "Cold water
changes me into a girl, and hot water changes me back into a guy,
but it's always just me, and I'm really a guy, not a girl. It's
Chinese magic. Long, long, long story."
Kodachi's eyes widened and her jaw dropped, and she hastily
covered her mouth with her hand. "And Tatchi-- my brother-- his
'pig-tailed girl'-- boy-- Tendo Akane--"
"You got it." *Whaddaya know. She can be taught.*
"OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!"
Nodoka winced and covered her ears. Ranma waited until
Kodachi ran down. "D'ya suppose you could explain it to bokken-
boy?" he said into the ringing silence. "I'm gettin' kinda tired
of his idea of romance."
Kodachi dramatically wiped the tears from her eyes and
snickered. "Oh, I'll wager that you are, Ranma-sama. But no,
you ask too much of me. This is just too priceless. Besides, I
doubt he would believe me; Tatchi is a bit dim, you know."
*'A bit dim', she says! His damn bulb's been out for
years!* Ranma sighed and looked at his mother. "So, what's
goin' on?"
"Just a little get-acquainted dinner for my prospective
mother-in-law," Kodachi answered, smiling disarmingly. Ranma
shivered. "Since I understand you are a traditional family, I
thought it fitting to serve traditional food of our culture."
She turned her smile on Nodoka. "And afterwards, perhaps we can
discuss the joining of our families-- is something the matter,
Ranma-sama?"
"Uh, cramp."
"You poor dear. Perhaps later I can rub it for you? Also,
I am curious about this affliction of yours. Some interesting
possibilities have occurred to me already...." Kodachi raised
her voice. "You may begin serving now!" The man came out of the
kitchen carrying a tray with a pot, cups, and a plate of
delectable-looking sushi. Ranma's mouth began to water.
~~~~~
"What an interesting young lady," Nodoka said after Kodachi
had left. "So polite and articulate, too, if a bit enthusiastic
on certain subjects." She looked speculatively at Ranma. "She
certainly is a beauty. I understand her family is quite
wealthy...."
Ranma's forming suspicion crystallized. "Momma, you can't
be thinking...."
"She seems quite taken with you, dear."
"Please, Momma, no. I have too many fiancees already, and
Kodachi's a loon, an' her family is worse. Much, much worse.
Trust me. It ain't worth it."
Nodoka blinked. "Well, since you are set against it...."
She sighed. "What am I thinking? This is how Genma made his
mistakes, isn't it."
Ranma managed not to comment.
"Well, all is not lost. She can still be your concubine."
Ranma facefaulted.
~~~~~
"I'm home!" Ranma came into the main room and looked
around. "No girls today?" he asked Nodoka.
"Well, you're home a bit early," Nodoka said, and put down
her sewing. Their gazes met, and shifted to the doorway. They
didn't have long to wait.
"Nihao!" Shampoo came in, carrying two delivery boxes, and
set them on the table. Ranma realized that her hands were now
free and backed up hastily, but it was too late. Glomp! "Wo ai
ni," Shampoo whispered in his ear, then kissed it. Ranma
blushed, unable to ignore the fact that he had an armful of live
girl and unwilling to do anything constructive about it.
Shampoo let go reluctantly and turned to Nodoka. "First
time see airen today," she explained, starting to unpack the
boxes. "I bring dinner for airen family, yes?"
"Well...." Nodoka stopped. A panda had just arrived at the
table and was polishing its chopsticks. "Yes, thank you, Shampoo-
chan," Nodoka continued. "I'll just set the table." She went
into the kitchen.
"Gyoza, cha-su-men, niku dango, tamago soup, gomoku rice,"
Shampoo muttered, ticking off the bowls on her fingers. The
panda sneaked a gyoza while her attention was occupied. "Ah,
stir-fry vegetable, very good for reflex." She set out the last
bowl.
"That's a lot of food, Shampoo," Ranma observed
appreciatively.
Shampoo's eyes glinted. "I hear Kodachi come with truck-
man," she said. "I show I better wife, yes? Big, tasty bowl
better than little bit raw fish, you see!"
~~~~~
Nodoka waved good-bye to Shampoo and turned to Ranma. "I
wonder if she'll ever understand about doors. Dear...."
"Yeah, Momma?"
"Well, it's not that I don't appreciate the lovely meals
your girlfriends are bringing, but suppose they all bring food on
the same night?"
"Uh...." Ranma's mind boggled. *Pray Akane's not one of
'em?*
~~~~~
Ranma and Nodoka stared at the towering piles of food.
Shampoo, Ukyo, and Kodachi glared at each other, preparing to
fight it out over who'd get to sit next to Ranma. Nodoka turned
to her son. "Well, there's only one thing to do," she sighed.
Their eyes met, and they spoke at once.
"Call your father to dinner." "Get Pops in here."
~~~~~ end of Diet ~~~~~
[end of part 1 of 6]