[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 book 02 chapter 04
Doghead Thirteen
What, me? Naah, would I do something like that? Well, maybe I would, but
I didn't.
Looks like I'm on a roll here.
Words in "{this}" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese. Those in
"[this]" are in wolf-speak.
Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend, book 2: Severed.
Chapter 4: Hope returns.
"Forever in your eyes you see forever in my heart, my love for you will
make us both climb higher. Driven by the power that is burning in my
heart, I know my faith in you will keep us together." - Apoptygma
Berzerk, 'Love Never Dies'
"What the fuck kinda question is that, you moron? Of course I hadta do
my damnedest to get Ranma back! First, he's my favourite and only
brother. Second, he's family. Third, Akane was hurtin'. I don't *ever*
let my friends down." - Ryoga Hibiki, interview for 'The Independent'
21/7/2005.
***********************************
Nabiki Tendo was busy showing something very important to Ranko.
"Yeah... they do look familiar, but I'm not sure why."
Nabiki groaned. "Ranko, the old WD '45 is yours, that's why it's
familiar. The Evo is your boyfriend's bike."
Ranko examined the aging Second World War American army bike that was
propped against the wall due to it's sidestand having rusted solid and
it's centre stand having dropped off.
Nabiki handed her a set of ignition keys.
"Ranko, I know exactly what you need. Get on that bike and go thrash it
round town, OK? You'll feel better after that."
Ranko nodded, took the keys and sat down in the saddle of the battered
black H-D. She smiled.
"I think you might be right."
***********************************
The black Harley chugged down the street, a slight trail of bluish-black
smoke issuing from one exhaust. Ranko had a quiet smile on her face; she
had no idea how she knew how to ride, but it felt right.
There was a massive roar and a pair of bikes - one black, one
tiger-striped - appeared beside her. Both of them also looked vaguely
familiar, especially the black bike. It was a jet engine with two
wheels.
Ryoga glanced across and shot Ranko a 'thumbs up'. She gunned the
jetbike up and swept past her half-sister, hard behind Lime.
She let out an exultant whoop and punched one fist into the air.
"YEEEEEEEEEEEEE-HA!"
Ranko gassed her hog and went after them.
The trio of very different ratbikes skidded to a halt outside Dr. Tofu's
clinic. Lime grabbed his saddlebag and nodded at Ryoga.
"Okay. We tell Mrs. Saotome, then we get the hell over to Mi Soon's
place and get your brother and Mr. Herb the hell back where they
belong."
Ryoga grinned at Ranko.
"S'okay, sis. We're gonna get Ranma back from wherever the hell those
goddamn cunts sent him and then everything's gonna be okay."
The three of them walked into the clinic.
"Yo! Doc! Visitors for Nodoka!"
"Hello, Ryoga isn't it? And this chap would be Mr. Lime, this would be
Ranko, correct?"
"Dead on, Doc. We've gotten some good news for Ranma's mum."
"Come this way, please."
***********************************
Nodoka looked up from her book as the door clumped open.
"Ryoga! Lime! You weren't away for long!"
"Of course fucking not, you don't think we were gonna waste time on this
one, do you? Lime borrowed a plane off a mate of Herb's, we flew
straight to the Musk fortress, grabbed the book and a couple of others
their mystic guy thought might come in handy and got the hell back to
where we left the bikes. Lime's a damn good pilot." She grinned. "Don't
worry, Nodoka. We're gonna have Ranma back in a couple of days at the
most. Then everything's gonna be okay, you know the way he gets stuff
straightened out. I know he ain't gonna let Akane stay blind, or your
back stay fucked."
"Don't raise my hopes prematurely, Ryoga."
"Mum, there's shit out there can turn a guy into a girl-" Ryoga stopped.
"Er-"
Nodoka stared at her. "You called me..."
"Um... well, what I was saying was - well, I usta be a guy, remember? If
there's stuff that can make a guy change into a catgirl there *has* to
be stuff that can fix your back, and Akane's eyes."
"I'm praying there is... for Akane's sake."
"Yeah well go ahead, I'm praying for Akane *and* you. Next time I see
you I'll have my brother with me, mum. Later."
Nodoka stared after the three youngsters as they left.
"... she called me Mum... twice..."
***********************************
Mi Soon was busy reading the latest Tom Clancy novel when the door
crashed open on the business end of Ryoga, who was followed by a worried
looking Lime.
"Hey, ya old bat!" Ryoga hauled a large leather-bound book out of her
pack. "Gerraloadathis!"
She casually threw it at Mi Soon, who grabbed it, stared at it for
several seconds then let out a delighted insane cackle.
"NYAHAHAHA! Excellent!"
"What you laughing for, you old goat? Get on the case!"
"Er..." Lime remarked. "Will that help?"
"My dear boy, this is one of the original Arotha Kaderaan codices,
brought from Homeworld by my parents... it is a guide to
transdimensional exploratory and tracking methods usable in this
particular branch of the multiverse. It was the only copy of such held
by our original Clan; thus my parent's choice of this fringe layer of
the multiverse."
"All of which adds up to what?"
"Bring me an artifact belonging to Ranma, one he used or wore
regularly."
"Get your ass over the Tendo's house, I ain't touching his bike without
asking."
Mi Soon blinked a few times. "His bike? Hasn't Akane spent most of her
time in contact with it since she woke up?"
"Yeah, but bro built that Gixer ten years ago and he's done nearly five
hundred thousand miles on it. Hell, that bike's nearly part of him!
Apart from the last two weeks he's ridden his bike daily for ten years.
She even smells like him."
"You have a very valid point, Ryoga. Of course, it would be easier if we
could get some of his hair."
"I'll see what I can find in his crash helmet. Only person who's ever
worn that scabby old skidlid is Ranma."
"You do that. Come, let's get ourselves over to the Tendo house."
"Mi Soon, ask Akane and Shampoo fer permission before you even lay a
finger on Ranma's bike."
"Very well, but... why?"
"It's Ranma's bike. Nobody touches someone else's bike without asking.
Since Ranma ain't here it's up to Akane and Shampoo to decide if
anyone's allowed to touch his bike since they're his chicks. Same way as
it's up to me to decide if anyone's allowed to touch Herb's bike since
he's my man."
"I don't get it."
"We're bikers. I know this shit. Take my word for it."
***********************************
Akane reflexively jerked her head up when the door crashed open; she and
Shampoo were sitting together by Ranma's bike. Shampoo was holding Akane
and trying to comfort the Japanese girl.
"Hey, girls! Have I got news for you!"
Ryoga casually dumped the book on the table; it made a nice, solid
thunk.
"There ya go. With the help of that Mi Soon's gonna get Herb, Ranma an'
Tendo back. OK, any idea where my nutball brother's skidlid's gotten
to?"
Akane nodded. "It's in our bedroom, at the foot of the bed. Well, unless
Kasumi's moved it since..." She started crying again; Shampoo shut her
eyes for a second then started murmuring quiet reassurances into Akane's
ear.
Ryoga smirked. "A-fuckin'-1! OK, Mi Soon. You get whatever kibble you
need for this together and I'll go see if I can find any of loverboy's
hair. C'mon, Lime. I don't wanna delay this by gettin' lost."
"Gotcha."
Mi Soon chuckled and shook her head. "Crazy kid."
Ryoga flipped her off. "Kiss me right under the tail, ya old bag!"
Mi Soon ignored the comment. "Kasumi, Mu Tze, come through here a
moment."
The two youths in question lurched out of the kitchen.
"Like, yeah?"
"Wow Kasumi, that's some like, good shit..."
"I like, told ya ya like, lightweight, man..."
Mi Soon blinked a few times. To say Mu Tze was stoned would be blatantly
underexaggerating it - the boy was completely smashed.
"Ah. Oh well. Ah, Kasumi. Have you got any candles I can scrounge?"
"Like, candles? Would like, white household ones do the kinda, trick?"
"Yes, they'd be fine. I need a dozen of them."
"Cool, man. I'll just go like, get them. Hey, Moose, you wanna shot of
my bong?"
"Groovy! Anyone got any chocolate? I got the like, munchies, man..."
"Wow man! Munchie buzz!"
Kasumi and Mu Tze lurched back into the kitchen. Mi Soon stifled her
laughter and pulled her dagger out of it's sheath. She placed it on the
table.
Ryoga crashed through the door, Ranma's lid hanging from one hand and a
couple of bits of long jet black hair gripped between the thumb and
forefinger of the other hand. "Yer in luck, I got these outta it.
They're too long to be Akane's an' not long enough to be mine."
"Huh?"
"Aw, c'mon. You never seen Ranma with his hair outta the ponytail? It's
down to his waist. Mine's about six inches longer, Akane's is about six
inch shorter. Hers looks longer than his because she wears it loose and
she's a load shorter. Everyone else in the place with black hair has way
shorter hair."
Mi Soon took the pieces of hair, shapeshifted, sniffed them and nodded.
"They smell of him... Nabiki, are you alright?"
Nabiki Tendo started to say something, shook her head and stared at the
floor.
"Get Ranma back where he belongs... quickly... please?"
***********************************
Ryoga was pretty bemused. She'd assumed magic rituals would be a serious
affair. The way Mi Soon kept popping from one form to another, cracking
jokes, knocking back beer and smoking rapidly dissuaded her from that
opinion. There was now a mirror, an incense burner and twelve candles
arrayed on a large slab of timber in the centre of the living room
floor. The two pieces of Ranma's hair were wrapped tightly round what Mi
Soon called a 'blank' incense stick. The Amazon elder had spent the last
half an hour carving a complex pattern into the piece of wood, which
happened to be the top of an old table, using her fancy dagger (which
she referred to as an 'athame') an old coal chisel and Ryoga's Swiss
army knife.
"Okay, we're all set. Anyone got a light?"
Ryoga handed over her Zippo.
"Hey, nice lighter. World War Two, isn't it?"
"Yeah, my mother's dad pinched it off a Yank soldier during the
occupation."
Mi Soon nodded and lit the candles in no discernible order.
She held the lighter up and grinned at the small crowd that had formed.
"Well, this is the moment of truth."
Mi Soon lit the incense stick.
***********************************
Mi Soon sat back.
"What the flying fuck?"
Ryoga frowned at her.
"What the what?"
She pointed at the mirror.
"They're still in this universe."
Ryoga grabbed her by the ear and yanked the old werewolf round.
"So what the fuck does that mean?"
"By the look of it something distracted the magi who was casting that
spell halfway through - probably one of Herb's ki blasts. They're
definitely still in this universe. Which makes life one hell of a lot
easier."
"What kind of somewhere in this universe you mean old goat?"
"I mean they're still on this planet. I mean they got displaces a few
thousand miles instead of getting mindwiped and blown into a random
dimension."
"Mindwiped?"
"That's what I said. Unless my nose fooled my, the spell my erstwhile
colleagues used is one that locks the target's memories away and sends
them somewhere they'll never come back - without being lethal. Herb
screwed it up very badly indeed. I guess all that happened was they got
sent somewhere else."
Ryoga snorted.
"I fuckin' hope so, old woman. Because if I end up havin' ta cure my
brother of amnesia I'm gonna seriously damage someone."
"Whatever. Xian Pu, get John Kirth in here, would you? I could use his
help on this one. Once-"
Nabiki shook her head. "He isn't there to be found, he took off just
after the battle and nobody's seen his since. I'm going to speak to a
few friends - see if they can find out where he went. You try to
pinpoint Ranma's location, OK?"
Mi Soon nodded.
"Good. Well, see what you can find. Change of plans, Xian Pu darling.
Tell Po Da I need to get into contact with Red Hanovan. And once you've
done that take Ranko and see if you can find Mortise's leathers in the
mess that's left over from the fight - there should be enough of his
dust in them to rematerialise the poor silly boy. Mao Xing, talk to your
Triad pals. We are probably going to need transport on the quiet."
Nabiki shook her head again.
"I can handle transport. Let me know as soon as you've managed to locate
Ranma. I'll arange something. Just do it."
She turned and stalked out the room. Mao Xing frowned after her.
"She moody today."
Akane shrugged.
"I'm not suprised. She's been gone on Ranma for nearly a month."
***********************************
Lin-Lin stared into the fire at the bottom end of the Gathering Hall;
she was surrounded by around two hundred of her fellow Amazon warriors.
All of them had the same thing preying on their minds; Ranma needed
help.
It was a good twenty minutes before anyone said anything, and it was
Tiger who finally decided to break the silence.
"I think we should all go."
There was another dead silence, filled only by the crackle of the fire,
people shifting from one position to another and stifled coughs.
Lin-Lin looked up and swept a ferocious look around the room.
"I'll say it loud and I'll say it now. I respect Ranma Saotome as much
as I respect any of our elders, and I love him like he was my brother.
He's in trouble, so is our sometimes ally Prince Herb of the Musk and
Ranma's father-in law Soun Tendo. I don't know about anyone else, but
I'm going to go and do my damnedest to get all three of them the hell
back here where they belong, and I don't really give a shit if I get
killed in the process. Ranma's worth twenty of me, and anyway we're
supposed to be Amazon warriors. It's our job to protect our menfolk."
Another warrior - a girl named Su Long, she'd defected from the
Conservatives during the First Battle - sat forwards.
"And suppose we don't get him back. Suppose we all get killed in the
attempt. What then?"
Tiger snorted, forestalling Lin-Lin's outburst before it started.
"Then at least we'll go out like warriors, and at least we'll have
tried. I am going."
Su Long nodded.
"Very well. If I die in this mission I will die as an Amazon should -
with my gun in my hand and a battle cry on my lips. I too go."
Her statement opened the floodgates. Lin-Lin had to suppress a grin.
"Then I say everyone who can fight for worth a damn or shoot straight
should go. Who's with me?"
There was the traditional rattle of swords and guns being drawn and the
collected Reformist Amazons rose.
"To victory!"
And another one bites the dust.
NOTES
Next - Look out USA, you have a Clan Saotome inbound...
Laters,
Calum 'Doghead' Wallace.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Artic - The UK term for a semi truck. Short for 'articulated lorry'.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off. Derived from 'bin' as in
'rubbish bin' (the British term for a trash can)
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil. Comes in a spray can and
looks a bit like snot.
Conrod (connecting rod) - The bit of metal that connects the piston to
the crankshaft. Shaped approximately like a flat dumbbell.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run
it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will
start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and
contracts.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back
wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on. Not to be
confused with the primary drive - the chain/sprocket or belt/pulleys
between the engine and gearbox.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to
aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower
boost.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes they make).
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars and some high performance
bikes.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much
of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability
stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke
engine.
Honda 250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the
CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.
Honda 500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier
frame.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show
it's age.
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the
ignition.
Kuso - As far as I know this is the Japanese translation of the word
'Shit'.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as
possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the
forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. A steering damper is
essential for disabled bikers who have lost the use of one arm as
without it there's no way you'd be able to steer at low speed or pull
away one armed.
Stocker - unmodified factory-built vehicle; I think this comes from the
term 'sales stock'.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Toby - An Inverness Collegeism; slang meaning something along the lines
of widget, gizmo or thingy. Derived from angling parlarance (toby = a
small wooden fish used as a lure.) May be related to the epithet 'Toby
Tishbein' and can be said 'Tobyracho' for no apparent reason. (I'm not
making this up! Honest!)
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as
triple clamps in the US.
JASDF - Japanese Air Self Defence Force. The Japanese air force.
JGSDF - Japanese Ground Self Defence Force. The ground forces arm of the
Japanese military.
JSDF - Japanese Self Defence Force. The collective Japanese armed
forces.
What likes - Slack Scottish grammar. Means something along the lines of
'please could you explain that'. Only considerably less posh.
Wheelie bin - a square green plastic trashcan about the size of a normal
bin, with a flip top and two wheels.