[Ranma][FanFic] Biker 1/2 book 2 chapter 12
Doghead Thirteen
No rant this time, I'm not feeling that pissy. Oops, I forgot the
disclaimer. Ah well, too late now.
OK, that's probably all I'll get sent out for a while, I'm having a sod
of a time with writer's block...
Previous chapters of this monstrosity (including the entirety of book 1)
can be found in several places - the TASS/RAAC archives (for some reason
their bots didn't put book 2 in the Biker 1/2 folder) fanfiction.net and
Studio Asynjor (a.k.a http://www.asynjor.com/fanfic/index.html) which
for now can be counted as the official Biker 1/2 webpage until I finally
manage to get something more personalised written. Don't get onto me as
to what the heck everything's arranged like on the above sites - the
only involvement I have in them is A) guy who posts stuff on RAAC and B)
satisfied user.
I'd advise first-time readers of Biker 1/2 to go to one of the above
sites and read book 1 since I sincerely doubt you'd be able to work out
what the heck's going on if you didn't; this is the second of a series
of 100,000+ word books.
Words in "{this}" kind of brackets are spoken in Cantonese. Those in
"[this]" are in wolf-speak.
Biker 1/2 Cycle 1 - Birth of a Modern Legend, book 2: Severed.
Chapter 12: Attack of the Overstuffed Platypus.
"I left alone, my mind was blank. I needed time to get the memories from
my mind. Just what I saw, in my old dreams. Were they reflections of my
warped mind staring back at me?" Iron Maiden, 'The Number of the Beast.'
"I thought Herb wuz shittin' me when he said it's gotten a head th' size
o' a truck." - Ranma Saotome, reminiscing about the Yamoto-No-Orochi.
***********************************
The bear grunted and shook his head, trying to clear out the final
shreds of his dream. For a few seconds he was still desperately looking
for some duct tape, then he realised he wasn't actually hiding behind a
rock with a broken bazooka. He was laying on a bed in what looked
suspiciously like a hospital ward, and he was partially surrounded by
some of his least favourite things - life-support machinery. Life
support machinery reminded him too much of his father dying. The old man
had clung on for three weeks before some Hakkenan clanner had snuck in
and pulled the plug. But then, apart from the drip feed in his forelimb
none of it was switched on, so that wasn't so bad.
He grunted and shoved himself half upright, glad to see his kids sat
round him, never mind the fact all of them looked pretty fucked up.
Genma shifted to human form, spat a couple of times in an attempt to get
the dry taste out of his mouth then asked an important question.
"Is my bike alright?"
He suddenly found himself wrapped in the arms of Ranma and Ryoga.
"Dad ya ol' bastard! Now I know yer okay. Yeah, yer bike's fine, couple
more scrapes in th' tank but what's a little mileage, huh?" Ranma said.
Ryoga was too busy laughing and crying at the same time to say anything.
Genma grunted. "Fuck - what hit me? I feel like I've been drunk."
Soun looked slightly confused. "What's wrong with that?"
"Ask a pint of bitters. Er - how long wuz I out?"
"Nearly three weeks." Ranma replied. "I thought ya wuz dead."
Genma grunted again. "Don't gimme that shit, son. It takes a hell of a
lot to keep this bear down. Hey, where's Nodoka? Where's Ranko? And what
the fucking hell happened to Akane's eyes?"
"I got a closeup of a live hand grenade." Akane explained.
"Ranko still can't remember that much." Ryoga explained.
"Mom's th' other side o' that wall." Ranma explained.
Genma suddenly remembered the details of the battle; he came roaring to
his feet, yanking the drip out his arm; the hole in his limb popped
itself shut behind the needle. "AKIRA YOU BASTARD!"
"Don't worry 'bout that shithead Dad, ya ate his head." Ranma handed
over his father's leathers. "An' don't break any walls, them's
expensive."
Genma hurriedly pulled his leathers on then followed his sons throught
to his wife's ward. He stared at her for several moments.
"Nodoka..."
"Hello Genma. It's good to have you back with us."
"Nodoka, what the fuck happened to you?"
"One of the Conservative Amazons shot me in the back with an AK."
Genma growled, slipping into battle form and making the floor creak.
"They're gonna pay... they're all gonna pay!"
Shampoo meaningfully tapped the wolf skull that was sat on Nodoka's
bedside table. "Tiger make them pay already." she explained. "Nobody
hurt mother of Lord and live."
Realising he was about to crash through Dr. Tofu's reception ceiling,
Genma hurriedly changed back to human form.
"Right." he growled. "What are we going to do about this?"
Mortise snorted.
"Ever heard of the Moss of Life?"
"You mean it isn't extinct?"
"That's exactly what he means. Tomorrow mornin' at eight o'clock sharp
we're gettin' on our bikes an' gettin' over ta this forest Herb wuz
rantin' about an' we're gettin' us somea it. Fer Mum's back an' Akane's
eyes."
"Why not right now?"
"Because we gotten a ceremony thingy ta attend. A real important
ceremony thingy, th' one that makes me officially th' Lord o' Clan
Saotome." Ranma replied.
"Ah." said Genma.
***********************************
Three hours later saw the whole gang - and a few additions - gathered in
the Tendo training hall, in a scene vaguely reminescent of the
Saotom-Tendo wedding reception, only this time everyone was wearing
ceremonial robes of some kind or another, and all the post-First
Changees were in battle form. There were also several newcomers, several
of whom Ranma, Akane and Shampoo had been introduced to earlier, all of
whom were also in battle form. These newcomers consisted of Lord Sengoku
Toriyama of Clan Hakkenan and his personla bodyguards, Lady Donna Skel
of Clan Skel and her personal bodyguards, Lord Ramius El'Nitra of Clan
Daarak and his personal bodyguards (starting to see the trend yet?) an
attractive young-looking blonde in a heavy grey cloak who had been
introduced to Ranma as Red Hanovan who was on her own, a tall,
Hispanic-looking man by the name of Ricardo Ramirez, a pint-sized almost
childlike woman named Miriam McGonnegal and an elderly gentleman who had
been introduced as Ranma's maternal great-grandfather Yoshikaze
Moroboshi. Ranked up along with most of this group were Soun Tendo, Mi
Soon, Genma Saotome and Nodoka Saotome, all of them surrounded by a
tight group of Amazons. Ricardo Ramirez was on the stage along with
Ranma, Akane and Shampoo.
All Ranma did throughout the proceedings was listen to Ramirez drone on
and insert a quick 'Yeah.' at the appropriate points. It was incredibly
boring and took no less than six hours. Soun, Mi Soon, McGonngal and Red
inserted the occasional statement throughout, but everyone was glad when
it was over and the varied stuffy visitors proceeded to sod off. After
an equally formal and almost as boring two hour 'party', that is.
No less than four of the visitors stayed; Red Hanovan, who claimed she
wanted to get a feel for what Ranma was going to do with Clan Saotome.
Ramirez and McGonnegal, who explained that their place was near their
Lord. And Yoshiaze Moroboshi, who when the 'party' ended was deeply
engaged in a discussion with Nodoka; he didn't seem to be in a hurry to
break it off, and neither did she.
Ranma stood in the almost empty meeting hall and stretched.
"Right. We better get us some shuteye - tomorrow's gonna be a bastard."
Genma grunted. "Damn straight, son. I remember seeing that Orochi
creature when I went to some function Donna Skel put on not long after
Dad died, looked a tough bastard all right. Christ, they were feeding it
a dozen slavegirls a day - it gulped 'em down like you and I'd swallow a
mouthful of burger."
Ranma grunted.
"Any rate," Genma continued, "Like you said, we better get us some
shuteye. See you in the morning, son."
He turned and slouched off towards his room, stuffing a cigarette into
his mouth as he went. Ranma watched him go, grunted and took hold of
Akane and Shampoo's hands.
"Let's turn in."
Akane nodded. "Just one thing, Ranma..."
"Huh?"
"There someone else going to join we." Shampoo explained.
"What? Who?"
"Me." said Nabiki.
Ranma nodded slowly. He'd thought he saw that one coming.
***********************************
The next day started far too early; Ranma had set the alarm clock for
seven in the morning which, considering they hadn't got to be until one
in the morning, wasn't good. The girls buried their heads in the
bedclothes; Ranma crawled out his pit, dragged on his clothes and
lurched downstairs, groping for a smoke.
He found his father looking equally shitty and just finishing extracting
the Weetabix from the cupboard; they grunted at each other and got their
breakfast.
By about halfway through that they were A) sitting in a cloud of smoke
and B) vaguely resembling sentient life-forms; Ranma poured the rest of
his food down his throat and headed for his bike.
He found Spike, Herb, Mu Tze and Mark already waiting for them; Mark, Mu
Tze and Spike were in Spike's car while Herb was sat on his bike and
having a quick smoke.
Ranma grunted. "Where's th' others?"
Herb snorted. "Mortise is cleaning his bike. Lime's doing his normal
exercises. Sun Lao's checking his weapons. And Soun's just over there."
'Over there' was the garage; Soun was checking his streetfighter's
engine oil.
Ranma snorted again. "Hey Spike, use th' Hummer. Yer car can't be much
use off road an' Herb tells me there ain't no roads in. YO TENDO! YA
BETTER RIDE IN TH' HUMMER - THAT BANDIT AIN'T UP TA MUCH ON DIRT!"
Ranma turned to the trail bike he'd built in the States.
Within twenty minutes everyone else was ready, Sun Lao taking the
longest since he had over sixteen tons of assorted weaponry ranging from
a dozen chainsaws to an entire Ford Transit van hidden on his person;
said Transit was the four weel drive version and not actually a weapon,
as he demonstrated when he pulled it out of his trouser leg and offered
everyone a lift. In the event, Spike, Mortise, Genma and Soun ended up
in the Hummer, Herb, Lime and Ranma ended up on their dirt bikes and Sun
Lao, Mu Tze and Mark Vance ended up in the Transit, but that didn't
exactly mean much.
It took them half an hour to drive as far as the edge of the forest,
then three hours slogging along forestry tracks to get to the rough area
Herb said they culd find the Orochi. That was when they got attacked -
by a giant duck-billed platypus at least thirty feet in length. Well, it
didn't so much attack them as blunder straight into the Transit, but the
end result was much the same; the van ended up on it's side and very
bent, Lime skidded off his bike, Spike went and piled the Hummer into
the platypus' flank, Ranma managed to slide under it and Herb shot
himself and his bike into the air in a very unusual form of dodge.
Ranma spat out a quick "Fuck!" and grabbed a nearby branch, quickly
beaning the confused overgrown marsupial between the eyes. It went into
reverse, wearing a slightly put out expression on it's beaky face.
Lime stood up, rattled his head and punched it in the chin, lifting it
fifteen feet into the air and knocking it sensless.
"Okay Herb." Ranma asked. "What th' fuck wuz that?"
Herb snorted and lowered his bike to the ground.
"Ah, shit - I should have warned you guys. Side effect of the Moss. The
Orochi's aquatic, it sleeps underwater and since it sleeps a lot - I
heard it's a hibernating creature with an expected lifetime of several
centuries and a hibernation period of about five or six years - the Moss
spends a lot of time underwater. It's a big mountain spring, there's
about five underwater streams running into the cave the Skels left it
in."
Lime heaved the dented Transit upright.
"At any rate, that spring's the main water source for a wide area. If a
living creature drinks water impregnated by the Moss for a long period
it starts growing again, and doesn't stop unless it stops drinking the
impregnated water." Herb continued. "I haven't the faintest idea why."
"Okay, but why a fuckin' duckbill platypus? Ain't exactly a native
animal."
Herb shrugged. "Way I heard it, there used to be a private zoo not far
from here - close enough that the water source they used for the animals
came from a certain spring. Guess what, after a couple years along came
Red, planted the moss and the animals shot up."
"Right. Whatever. Hey Sun, how's th' van holdin' up?"
Sun shrugged, clicked his neck, winced and fired it's engine.
"Pretty bent. Seems OK."
Lime nodded and dragged the Platypus out the road.
Soun shook his head. "I thought these tracks looked pretty overgrown."
"Yeah, they obviously ain't been used in a while."
"I'm not suprised. Y'know, I really hope they didn't have any carnivores
or anythin' real big in that zoo. I don't wanna run inta a sixty foot
grizzly or a wolf th' size o' a fuckin' tank."
Herb shrugged. "Keep your fingers crossed and your ki-blasts primed."
The track just got worse as they carried on; overgrown became returning
to the forest. Long grass and occasional bushes soon made way for a
nightmare tangle of small trees, bushes, tangled grass, potholes and
fallen wood; the convoy was obviously the first vehicles over it for at
least thirty years, if not longer.
***********************************
Akane awoke with a violent clang. Missing Ranma's arm sprawled round
her, she started wildy groping for him; she sucessfully found Nabiki and
Shampoo, both of whom made loud complaining noises.
"Oh shit - he hasn't left yet has he?"
Nabiki grunted. "The guys were out of here before eight, you know that."
"Well what time is it anyway?"
"Mmmm.... half past eleven... nah, make that quarter to one."
"Oh God!" Akane blundered her way out of bed, ploughing Shampoo onto the
floor. She lurched over to her wardrobe, turfed her T-shirt drawer out,
scuffed through the pile for a bit before triumphantly waving a small
hide bag around.
"I've got to give this to him! Come on, Nabiki - get the Hind prepped!"
"What? Why? What's that?"
Akane sat down, incedentally on Shampoo's legs. She extracted a small
carved bone whistle from the bag and handed it to Nabiki.
"You know that time I ran away from home, just after Mom died?"
"What about it?"
"I've been to Ryugenzawa before." Akane explained. "Just the
outskirts... I got attacked by a monster. This boy showed up and stopped
it, he gave me this. He explained that hearing it blown makes the
monsters go to sleep. It really works, I ran into two more on the way
out, and they dropped like rocks soon as I blew it."
Nabiki popped out of bed, ran over to the door and stuck her head
outside. As she had suspected she found an Amazon patiently waiting on
the landing.
"Tell Mao Xing to gas up my Hind."
Su Li chose that moment to wander down the hall looking slightly lost;
the little girl's eyes lighted on Nabiki.
"Momma? Are you Mr. Ranma's airen too?"
"Yes." Nabiki replied bluntly.
Su frowned.
"Does that mean now I've got a daddy again?"
"Yes, that does." Shampoo agreed from behind Nabiki.
"Are you going out flying?" Su asked in an obvious 'I-wanna-come-too'
voice.
Nabiki paused. "Well... yes, we are. But we're flying to a very
dangerous place. You should stay home this time."
"Momma, I'm an Amazon warrior." Su replied reproachfully. "Going
dangerous places is what Amazons do best."
"Listen kid." Shampoo growled. "If you get your ass wasted Mi Soon'll
gut me and Nabiki. Stick back here and leave the diceing with death to
us grownups."
Nabiki nodded gravely. "This is going to be sticky. You stay home,
okey?"
Su seemed to be about to argue for several seconds, then changed her
mind. "Okay."
***********************************
Yamazaki was in shit mood again. Not like this was anything unusual
right now - in his present state (hiding out with Clan Saotome) he was
prevented from working, and you don't get into express trucking without
loving driving insanely souped-up tractor trucks. Driving like a
complete twat in a hot-rodded fourty foot artic was one of Yamazaki's
favourite things, and apart from playing the fool with said truck's
mechanicals he didn't exactly have many other favourite passtimes.
Seen as how right now he couldn't go far, he was engaging in the
time-honoured art of cruising the block. He'd borrowed an Ultraviolence
tape from Kasumi and was driving aimlessly round Nerima using fuel he'd
scrounged off Mao Xing.
As he was rumbling past a local subway station he noticed someone who he
recognised from Spike's description; a blonde American teenager dressed
in black denim jeans, hiking boota and a bomber jacket. She had a large
pack on her back and looked completely lost.
He ground the truk to a halt, turned the stereo down, let the engine
idle and leant out to shout at her.
"Hey, you're that Summers girl, right?"
A look of blank confusion answered him. She obviously didn't speak
Japanese; he switched to English.
"You Buffy Summers, right?"
"Ah, yeah. Who are you?"
"Name's Kenji Yamazaki, freelance fox - call me Yama. Nabs told us to
keep an eye out for you - somethin' about how you need to lay low with
us mutts for a bit, right? You needing a lift anywhere? Engine's hot and
I got a full tank."
A releived smile appeared on the girl's face. "Saotome-Tendo dojo,
please."
Yama leant over and heaved the passanger's side door open. "Jump in.
Watch that door, it's about a hundred twenty kilo of armour, you're
really gonna need to slam it or it'll bounce back and turf you into the
gutter. Don't worry about shaking the old girl's bones, she's a damn
good solid rig." Yama closed the conversation by punching the stereo; it
roared back into life with a deafening crash. A line of smoke spat out
of one speaker as Britain's foremost hardcore techno-industrial kicked
back in; talking of kicking, Yama planted his boot in the smoking
speaker, which immediately stopped fizzing.
Buffy swung into the cab, heaved the door and smirked slightly to
herself as it smashed shut, the bang clearly audible even over the din
in the cab. Yama thumbed the window button; both door windows rolled
down.
"Let's ride, blondie." He reset the suspension, primed the nitrous and
put his foot on the loud pedal.
The truck blasted twin plumes of black diesel smoke into the air; the
engine roared, both back axles started spinning and it shot off down
Nerima's high street, leaving no less than four lines of burnt rubber on
the road and a huge cloud of blue-gray smoke in the air.
Inside the cab, Buffy suddenly found herself reminded of Willow's Hummer
only even more intense. Yama's rig gave you an even bigger kick in the
back, was heigher up and screamed 'Move over' even louder.
They were already halfway to the dojo when she finished deciding she
could quite happily get used to vehicles like this.
The Hind was just lifting off as Yama pulled over; he watched the
chopper heave itself bodily into the air, noting the faces visible
through the side door.
"What the fuck? Akane and Shampoo are with Nabs? Wonder where the hell
they're off to?"
***********************************
Some fifteen minutes later Herb finally pulled up. Somewhere during the
ride he'd managed to wallop the sump off a treestump; the bike was now
issuing black smoke, oozing slight amounts of engine oil from the bottom
end and sounding distinctly unhealthy.
He killed the engine, finally letting the overstressed machine splutter
to a halt, and turned round in the saddle.
"Okay, people - we'd better leave the vehicles here. The cave's about a
hundred yards on - get ready."
The others clambered out (or off) their vehicles; Ranma leant his
crosser against the front of the Hummer since he hadn't got around to
fitting it's sidestand yet.
Sun Lao strode round the Transit, examining the dents.
"Fuck, another trip to the panel beaters. Hey Ranma, you know anyone
who's good at sorting fucked bodywork?"
"Nah, ask Kasumi about it. Or Mum." Ranma paused, glancing at the huge
dent a certain encounter with an overgrown platypus had left in his
crosser's fuel tank - it was halfway to flat and dripping petrol.
"Figure I'll need one meself."
Spike nodded. "I think you guys'll need to load your bikes in the
Transit for the ride home - Herb's is totally fucked and you're rapidly
running out of gas."
"Yup." Herb agreed. "Latest in a long line of engines. What the hell,
this one was about ready for the scrapyard anyway - I know I've got one
holed piston."
"Hey Herb," Mark asked. "You been drinking that ensorcelled water?" He
jerked his thumb in the general direction of the cave.
"No, why?"
"Because you're near as big as Craig Guile. And he's the biggest guy I
ever seen."
Herb snorted. "I'll have you know I grew this way the natural route, no
magic involved. Hell, I started big."
Spike whistled. "Your mom musta had one rough ride giving birth to you."
"Spike, I am half dragon. I was not born - I was laid."
"You came outta a fucking *egg*?"
"Yes. And? Need I remind you that you're essentially a walking corpse?"
Ranma rolled his eyes. "Stop bitchin' at each other ya two, there's work
ta be done, remember?"
They walked slowly towards the water, scanning for any signs of movement
the whole time. Mark spotted something; he straightened up.
"You can come out now, Shinnosuke."
A brawny young man dressed in stained flares, sandals and a Bob Marley
T-shirt (with a sleeveless denim jacket on top) stepped out of a patch
of bushes brandishing a broom (now try saying that three times very
fast...) He had an immense amount of incredibly frizzy long black hair
and was smoking a sizeably joint, which he plucked from his mouth before
speaking.
"Hey, man - how'd you know my like, name, man?"
Ranma had a funny feeling he was looking at Kasumi post Spring of
Drowned Guy. Mark laughed. "Short-term memory loss again Shinnosuke?"
"Like, well, I have been totally bonged for like, ages, man. Who are
you? It's kinda like, dangerous here man." The stoner gestured wildly
with his broom, incedentally knocking a certain large platypus (which
had come back to settle things with Lime) completely silly. "Oh wow man,
where'd that like, platypus come from?"
"It was behind you." Mark explained. Shinnosuke turned round to have a
look, incedentally slugging the platypus in the head again as it started
to get up. It admitted defeat and lay there pretending to be dead.
"Like, oops, man. Poor playpus, I think I kinda hurt it man. Like,
what's your name, man? I musta kinda met you before if you know my like,
name, but I've been so like, stoned for yonks I kinda forgot, dig?"
"I'm Mark Vance, this is Ranma Saotome, this is his father Genma, this
is his father-in-law Soun Tendo, this is Prince Herb of the Musk, this
is Lime, this is Mu Tze, this is Mortise Tarou, this is Spike and this
is Master Sun Lao."
"Like, groovy - I'm Shinnosuke like, Urushihara. Pleased to like, meet
you cats, dig? What's kinda going on, man?"
"We're here ta get somea th' Moss o' Life ta heal my wife's eyes." Ranma
explained, forgetting to mention his mother.
"And, of course, *my* wife's back." Genma added.
A huge stoned grin appeared on Shinnosuke's face.
"Like, wow, man! You cats are on a like, quest to save your like, true
loves! That is so like, beautiful, man! You are so, so groovy!" He
turned and gestured down the path towards the cave accidentally clouting
the platypus again as it tried to sneak away. "The Yamoto-No-Orochi's
still kinda hibernating at the like, moment, but we've been expecting it
to wake like, up for days, dig? Oops, I kinda hit the poor platypus
again. Bummer, man." He adjusted his joint, put on a pair of rose tinted
sunglasses (making him look horribly like John Lennon) gave his broom
head a quick polish on his sleeve, straightened his flares and started
marching down the path towards the cave.
"Like, you cats follow me, dig? It's used to me and like, Grandpa being
kinda around, it gets really unmellow if strange people go anywhere
like, close, dig? Of course, we can't like, let Mom or Old Pop or the
triplets or Auntie or Gran anywhere like, near it or it really takes a
freak, dig? And even me and Grandpa have to be really like, careful. It
gets antsy unless we sit and play Bob Dylan at it and feed it booze and
like, whole cows, but then it's been kinda antsy since the Skels stopped
feeding it like, humans, man. Hey, I am right you cats are sorta Clan
Saotome, dig?"
"That's us." Ranma agreed.
"Groovy, man. It's been like, ages since any Saotome clanners bothered
going anywhere within like, miles of us weredog hicks, man. You're so
much more like, mellow than that Akira cat, man. Hey, any of you cats
wanna blast?" He offered them his spliff. Ranma accepted it and took a
couple of good puffs before passing it to his father; Genma took a hefty
lungful and passed it on to Soun, who likewise took a puff at it before
offering it to the others. Out of the others only Mu Tze and Sun Lao
accepted draws; Herb gently shook his head, Lime explained he was a
lightweight as did Mark, and for Spike and Mortise's part they refused
saying that since they no longer had lungs it would be wasted on them.
Shinnosuke accepted his joint back with a murmur of "Groovy, man." as
they turned the corner and came out onto the side of a small lake.
The gentle tones of old Dylan tracks beng played on an aucoustic guitar
were wafting across the lake; their source was a slightly rotund stoner
dressed in similar apparel to that worn by Shinnosuke and sporting a
massive beard. He was sitting on top of a large rock in the full lotus
position and smoking a huge joint as he played.
"Hey Grandpa!" Shinnosuke called. "We've got some like, visitors, man!"
The other stoner looked up; he continued playing.
"Why'd you bring them like, here, man?"
"They're Saotome clanners, they've come to get some of the Moss, dig?"
"I dig." Grandpa paused; he didn't stop playing. "Shinnosuke, man, it
like, woke up while you were getting more like, hash. It's kinda awake
and it'll get really unmellow if I like, stop playing, dig?"
Mark smirked. "Morning Mr. Urushihara. Remember me?"
Grandpa nodded. "Like, how you been Mark? Did you cats get back to
Craig's girl in like, time?"
Mark nodded back. "Nick of time, man. Now me and this bunch are going to
give that rugsucker another major working over."
Grandpa nodded again. "I like, dig." He paused. "Well, man, if you're
wanting it to like, surface maybe I'd better stop like, playing, man."
***********************************
Nabiki eased the coaxial stick over, edging the gunship over the trees.
More targets popped up on the IR system; it profiled them as a Hummer,
three bikes and a civillian van.
"Found 'em." she said. "The vehicles are parked in under the edge of
those trees, just before the lake. Hang on, there's something happening
in the water. What-"
A beardy lizardish head the size of a light truck pounded up out the
lake.
"The Yamato-No-Orochi." said Shampoo.
***********************************
The short-arse drunk waas, as per her usual routine, busily slouching
back to the house with a bottle of sake in a carrier bag hanging from
her hook and a cigarette in her remaining hand. She had her usual sneer
on her face and was dressed in the exact same (strongly booze-flavoured)
clothes as she had been for the last at least two weeks. She gave Sao
Wang the usual friendly insulting gesture as she passed; moments later a
certain drunk had frozen in her tracks.
"Come out of there, old woman." she snarled.
Mi Soon stepped out of the shadows. She had only ever known one person
who A) called her 'old woman' and B) could detected when she was melded
with shadows.
Her daughter.
"Hello, Kou Loun."
Phew. 41 down, fuck-konws-how-many to go.
NOTES
Next - A fight with a mutant lizard, an old bat bitchfight and let the
zombie splatting commence.
Laters,
Calum 'Doghead' Wallace.
GLOSSARY OF TERMS
Alternator - Higher tech version of a generator.
Artic - The UK term for a semi truck. Short for 'articulated lorry'.
Astro-Creep 2000 - The title of a White Zombie album.
Binned - crashed. Normally means written off. Derived from 'bin' as in
'rubbish bin' (the British term for a trash can)
Chain lube - Motorbike chain lubrication oil. Comes in a spray can and
looks a bit like snot.
Conrod (connecting rod) - The bit of metal that connects the piston to
the crankshaft. Shaped approximately like a flat dumbbell.
Engine clicking - An internal combustion engine heats up when run. Run
it hard and it heats up more, then when you switch off the engine will
start emitting a series of sharp clicks as the metal cools and
contracts.
Final drive - the drive chain that goes from the gearbox to the back
wheel and the cogs (final drive sprockets) that it runs on. Not to be
confused with the primary drive - the chain/sprocket or belt/pulleys
between the engine and gearbox.
Gasflowing - trimming off excess metal from inside the cylinder heads to
aid the burn rate of fuel within the engine. Gives a small horsepower
boost.
Gixer - Slang for a Suzuki GSXR (one of the craziest bikes they make).
Happy gas - See 'Nitrous oxide.'
Header tank - Tank that contains the spare water for the radiator on a
sealed cooling system as found in most cars and some high performance
bikes.
Honda CG125 - Small single - cylinder 4-stroke road bike. Not very much
of anything but supremely reliable and dirt cheap. It's reliability
stems from having very little to go wrong and a low - revving 4-stroke
engine.
Honda 250 Superdream - CB250. The next up the Honda model range from the
CG125 and just a bigger version of the same.
Honda 500 Superdream - CB500. A CB250 with a bigger bore and heavier
frame.
Honda Fireblade - Insane Honda sportsbike. Mad but beginning to show
it's age.
Kill switch - The engine's 'off' switch. Turns off power to the
ignition.
Kuso - As far as I know this is the Japanese translation of the word
'Shit'.
Lid / skidlid - Slang for a crash helmet.
Nitrous oxide - Laughing gas. A petrol - nitrous mix burns faster than a
petrol - air mix therefore produces more horsepower and more wear in the
engine.
Ratbike - A motorbike made to look as fucked up and unroadworthy as
possible while still being street legal. Normally painted flat black.
Steering damper - a long, thin shock absorber that fits between the
forks and the frame. Helps steady the steering. A steering damper is
essential for disabled bikers who have lost the use of one arm as
without it there's no way you'd be able to steer at low speed or pull
away one armed.
Stocker - unmodified factory-built vehicle; I think this comes from the
term 'sales stock'.
Supercharger - A pump driven off the crank that forces more air into the
engine thus forcing it to run faster.
Toby - An Inverness Collegeism; slang meaning something along the lines
of widget, gizmo or thingy. Derived from angling parlance (toby = a
small wooden fish used as a lure.) May be related to the epithet 'Toby
Tishbein' and can be said 'Tobyracho' for no apparent reason. (I'm not
making this up! Honest!)
Top yoke - The yokes are two pieces of metal that hold the front forks
together and to the bike. The top yoke is the upper one. Known as
triple clamps in the US.
JASDF - Japanese Air Self Defence Force. The Japanese air force.
JGSDF - Japanese Ground Self Defence Force. The ground forces arm of the
Japanese military.
JSDF - Japanese Self Defence Force. The collective Japanese armed
forces.
What likes - Slack Scottish grammar. Means something along the lines of
'please could you explain that'. Only considerably less posh.
Wheelie bin - a square green plastic trashcan about the size of a normal
bin, with a flip top and two wheels.